Chapter 19: Saturday 29th January
Donna is feeling uneasy. But it's not the obvious things that are bugging her.
It isn't that Harvey has been distant and preoccupied all week: that didn't necessarily mean anything. Louis is causing chaos. Clients have been difficult. Harvey has been successfully carving out space for his personal life at the weekends, but inevitably the weeks will mostly be dominated by work.
And it's not that he didn't show up on Friday night. Client meetings can overrun, or turn into a late night fixing a crisis. When he finally messaged her, he said was sick and didn't want to pass on a bug. She's pregnant, it makes sense.
But alarm bells are ringing loud and clear, and it's because of a collection of little things.
Why did he message her last night from an iPad, not his cellphone?
Why did the client set up the meeting with him directly, not through her? Why is he evasive about the identity of the client?
And why didn't he go to therapy on Wednesday? She knows he didn't. Or else he did, and something went wrong. He's different afterwards: calmer, more measured, a little reflective even. This week, he came back to the office spoiling for a fight.
She doesn't usually work on Saturdays anymore, but today she decides to go in for a couple of hours before her lunch date with Rachel. She can off some tasks on her list, and hopefully she'll run into Harvey, assuming he's feeling better. She might get a handle on whatever is going on.
She scrolls through pictures from Labor Day weekend, Christmas, the recent scan. She really hopes that whatever is going on with him is only business, that it's not going to be a major roadblock for them. She is beyond tired of taking one step forward, two steps back.
….
Donna is surprised that there's no sign of Harvey at the office. It's already after ten, and he'd typically be here by now. She messages him, but she can see he hasn't read it.
She checks her inbox. There's a final invoice from Dr Agard's secretary. So she was right. She hasn't pried into his therapy, instinctively feeling that he'd benefit from a little space. But he has seemed willing until now. What's changed?
She works through a few other things, then stands up to go to the bathroom, the baby pressing uncomfortably on her bladder. She's surprised to see Scottie approaching her.
"Donna." She sounds frosty, more so even than usual.
"Scottie. This is a surprise."
"Is it? I guess he doesn't tell you everything then." Her tone is silky, pure passive aggression.
Scottie's eyes flicker over her bump, just for a second. She's visibly pregnant now. Is it odd that Scottie doesn't reference that, or express surprise?
As ever, Scottie gets straight to the point. "Where is he?"
"He's in a meeting," Donna lies. She won't admit to Scottie that she has no idea.
"Fine. Just tell him this. What he wanted last night. It's done."
"Last night?" the words escape before she engages her brain.
"In the bar." She arches an eyebrow. "I guess he didn't tell you that, either," she says, with supercilious satisfaction.
Scottie turns and leaves without another word. Donna sits back down, totally thrown off balance.
He lied. He was with Scottie last night. It sounded like business. But when had it ever been just business between the two of them? And if it was just that, why would Harvey not be honest with her?
Neither he nor Scottie had ever tried to hide their explosive chemistry - in fact, on occasion, Scottie had gone out of her way to flaunt it to Donna; sex had been central to their relationship since law school; and Scottie knows exactly how to toy with Harvey.
Donna tries to reason herself out of these creeping insecurities. Harvey and Scottie were never a good fit. They were too similar, both competitive workaholics, and there was fundamentally no trust between them. After their failed relationship, they know it. Plus things are great between her and Harvey, and he abhors cheating.
The niggling, insecure voice in her head counters that he might not regard it as cheating? He's made her no promises. But she knows that's not true. She won't go down that road. Whatever he may or may not still have to figure out, Harvey loves her, and has told her is all in.
So it has to be work related, and he probably just didn't tell her because he thought it might be uncomfortable, given their history. Which pisses her off, but isn't the end of the world. He's still new at this. She'll talk to him, but she's not going to make it into a huge deal. She has faith in Harvey. She isn't insecure. She won't be that person.
….
Donna doesn't confide in Rachel about her worries. She wants to know what she's dealing with first. After lunch, Donna, she heads home to rest for a couple of hours before a charity fundraiser that she's due to attend with Harvey tonight. Jessica and Louis will be there, and as Rachel's mom is involved in the charity, Mike and Rachel are going too.
She has been looking forward to it: it's one of her last chances to do something like this for a while; and it's also the first event that she will have attended as Harvey's girlfriend, which feels... momentous. She just wishes things between them hadn't taken such an odd turn this week.
She has, at least, finally heard from Harvey. She got a message early in the afternoon, saying his phone is broken, and he'll see her tone was neutral and he didn't give a lot away.
…
She arrives at the venue and checks her messages. Nothing more from Harvey, She spots Mike and Rachel, and goes to join them. After the first drink, Rachel excuses herself to talk to a family friend, and Donna grabs the chance to quiz Mike about Harvey.
"Have you noticed anything up with Harvey this past week?" she asks, in a low voice.
"He's been an asshole. But that's not exactly out of the ordinary."
"Other than the obvious," she gestures at Louis, "is anything else going on?"
"Nothing I'm aware of. Why do you ask?"
"I'm not sure. I..."
Mike raises his voice a little. "Ah, here he is."
Harvey greets them both, and kisses Donna on the cheek, but doesn't meet her eye. His posture is tight and his eyes a little bloodshot, dark shadows beneath them. Nothing anyone else would notice, but she can see that there's definitely something wrong. As he leans in, she can smell scotch.
Aware that something is going on, Mike excuses himself to join Rachel, leaving the two of them alone.
Donna takes Harvey's hand. It remains limp and unresponsive in hers.
"Harvey. Before we relax and enjoy the party..."
She ignores his snort of derision - he's never a fan of these events.
"...I have a couple of messages from the office."
His eyes snap onto her, and there's a flash of the caring Harvey from last weekend. "You were at the office? Because Donna…"
She cuts in. "I know, I was meeting Rachel nearby for lunch, and it wasn't for long. I won't make it a habit.
"Anyway, Scottie dropped by. She did what you asked in the bar last night." She emphasizes the final five words.
He drops her hands, looks away.
"And Dr Agard's secretary sent your final invoice." She fixes him with a hard stare.
"Donna, I…"
"Now is not the time, Harvey," she says in an exaggeratedly pleasant tone, and she uses the approach of one of his clients as an opportunity to excuse herself. It's best if they keep their distance: they can't talk here, and he's in a difficult mood. The last thing they need is a public fight. She is kicking herself for bringing up Scottie and Dr Agard - she guesses she was hoping, unrealistically, he'd have some ready explanation that would reassure her.
She has a pleasant enough time working the room, chatting to old friends, and meeting new people. Wherever she is, she keeps half an eye on Harvey. He's mostly at the bar, drinking steadily.
She has just finished chatting to Rachel's mom, when feels a light touch on her arm. It's Thomas Kessler.
"Donna! It's great to see you."
"Thomas! Likewise."
"It looks as if life is taking you in an interesting new direction?"
She looks down at her bump and smiles. "Yes, I'm expecting a baby girl in June."
"Congratulations! And congratulations on The Merchant of Venice too. You were wonderful - born for the stage."
"You came? That's very kind."
"You were word perfect, too."
"I got there in the end, thankfully. The last week before the play was pretty intense, especially with the unexpected challenge of morning sickness." She pauses. "You should have stuck around after the show to say hello."
"I thought about it, but Harvey was on the front row, and I assumed you had plans. I didn't want to intrude."
"Ah, we would have both been delighted to see you."
She's uncomfortably aware that he'd probably had hopes that the evening might have turned out quite differently, but as she'd expect from him, he's handling it with dignity and grace.
"As it happened, I actually grabbed a drink with another of the actors." He raises an eyebrow. "A man of hidden talents."
She laughs. "Louis. A last minute addition to the cast. Thereby hangs a tale…"
"I'm sure it does." He smiles. "It made me nostalgic for my student theater days."
"Yes, it's a thrill like no other. And my last chance for a while." She pats her bump affectionately. "I'm trying to cram in as much theater as possible while I still can. Did you see the new Glass Menagerie? I've heard mixed reviews."
She is absorbed in one of her favorite subjects, and soon forgets to keep an eye on Harvey.
Suddenly, there's a loud clatter, and the hum of conversation dips as everyone looks towards the direction of the noise. She sees Harvey at the bar, grabbing Louis by the throat, an upturned barstool next to them. Everyone is staring.
Thomas strides over, and pulls Harvey off Louis, who stands back, straightening his tie, his jacket, his face.
Thomas turns to Louis: "Are you ok?"
Harvey looks white, fists balled in rage. "Stay the fuck out of this, Kessler."
To Donna's horror, he's practically squaring up to Thomas now. "And while you're at it, stay away from Donna."
He's a little unsteady, slurring his words. How much did he have before he got here?
Donna takes a deep breath. "Harvey, enough! You need to go home right now and sober up."
"Come with me."
*No Harvey. I'll see you tomorrow when you've calmed down."
"You stay here with him, we're -"
"Don't say something you can't take back," she warns him.
He looks like he's got more to say, but turns abruptly and stalks out. White hot shame percolates through her.
You ok? Thomas is looking down at her with concern.
"I'm so, so sorry Thomas."
"I know it's not my place, but I don't like the way he spoke to you," he says quietly.
"He's a good man, Thomas. I know it doesn't look that way."
He nods, looking unconvinced.
"You want me to see you home?"
"Thank you Thomas, but I'll be fine."
"I wish you luck, Donna."
He's being kind, but his words just make her feel worse. She's used to projecting the image that she has her shit together. She and her relationship look like such a goddamn trainwreck to Thomas that he thinks she needs luck.
Rachel is now at her side. She hadn't been nearby, and didn't see what had happened clearly, so Donna briefly fills her in.
Mike is trying to get Louis's side of the story, but he's being defensive and it all sounds petty and stupid. Louis has clearly been trying to get Harvey's attention by winding him up, and Harvey's on a short fuse for whatever reason and has overreacted.
She decides to go home, so Rachel walks her to the cloakroom and sees her into a taxi after hugging her goodbye and reminding her to call her any time.
Part of her wants to leave Harvey to stew. But her concern for him eclipses his anger, and she decides to give him the benefit of the doubt for now, and go check on him. She hopes to god he is home, not in some dingy bar with some faceless girl. She wouldn't put anything past him right now.