Chapter 23: Saturday 12th February

February begins promisingly.

As soon as they return from Boston, Donna sets up weekly appointments for Harvey with Dr Lipshitz. This time, she asks him regularly, gently, how it's all going. He says he's finding it hard to go back to the start with someone new, but he likes Lipshitz, he's hopeful.

Harvey stays over a few times a week; he has a key to her apartment; and they're spending whole weekends together. The lie that Jessica forced upon them has gradually become the truth: they're a couple.

Two weeks after their return, Donna moves into the new house. Harvey doesn't officially move in too: after everything that happened, Donna doesn't want to push on too fast, and she assumes he feels the same. Things seem perfect, but she is all too aware how quickly it could all unravel.

Harvey is making time to prepare for the baby, going to antenatal classes and just hanging out. He's taking care of her like he promised, both practically, making her dinner when he can, and emotionally, listening to her worries about all her weird pregnancy symptoms. He's around to share her joy at the baby's increasingly powerful kicks, to watch with wonder as her stomach visibly undulates when she lies down to sleep and the baby inevitably wakes. They're both enjoying the good times while they're here.

On their first night in the new house, they invite Mike and Rachel over to celebrate. The house is already looking amazing, as Donna has been organising deliveries and transferring her belongings gradually, over the past couple of weeks. It's already a lot more homely than Harvey's sterile apartment, and seems huge compared with Donna's old place.

Mike and Harvey pop out to pick up take out, leaving Rachel and Donna together.

Rachel picks up the framed photo of Donna and Harvey with his dad's band from years ago, exclaiming over how young - and in love - they look.

"Everything's really coming together for you guys isn't, isn't it?" Rachel observes. "You must be happy?"

"Yeah, Rach. I really am. I guess it seems to be too good to be true sometimes. I am happy, but it's like… it's like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"I think that's understandable, after everything that's happened. But there's no reason to think anything else is going to go wrong?"

The idea of Mike being found out and the likely fallout, have been eating away at her ever since Harvey confided the extent of his fears, but she doesn't want to upset Rachel, and it's not the only thing bugging her.

"I just look at myself now, and all my Donna confidence - it's gone. I just don't feel like myself. My body doesn't feel like mine. And I'm tired and irritable. Then I see Harvey talking to - Louis's unexpectedly hot sister, for example - and I…"

"You really don't need to worry about that Donna! First of all, you're looking pretty damn hot yourself. And secondly, Harvey loves you. He can barely keep his hands off you tonight."

"I know. It's just that we were barely together before I turned into a hormonal, bloated wreck with ankles like elephants'. I could count the times we slept together pre pregnancy on one hand. After all those wasted years, I just wish… I wish we had more time together when I was at my best. That we had a stronger foundation as a couple, I guess."

"I don't know any couple that has a stronger foundation than you guys. Being with someone through ups and downs. Isn't that part of being in a real relationship?"

"I know, I know. But neither of us has a lot of experience of real relationships. Being together is so new, and I feel like I need to be… something that I can't be right now."

"I don't think he's going to go looking elsewhere," Rachel says gently.

"I don't think so either, not now we're more committed. But I worry he'll wish… Ugh, I don't know."

"You should talk to him."

"I know. I will. Thanks Rach."

….

Mike and Rachel don't stay too late: no one was drinking too much, out of solidarity with Donna, and by 11 Rachel notices her stifling a yawn and they say their goodbyes.

Donna decides to have a quick shower to help her wind down before bed. Afterwards, she exits the en suite, finds a nightdress and is taking off her robe when Harvey walks in. She swiftly covers up, shrugging her robe back on and tying the sash, visibly a little flustered.

Harvey raises an eyebrow. "Hey, what's wrong? It's only me." He approaches her and takes her hands in his. "I've seen it all before you know, Donna," he smiles.

"I know. I just feel huge, and puffy and…" she tries to deflect his concern, her awkwardness "...my freakin' belly button is closer to disappearing every day."

"You'll always be beautiful, because you're you" he says earnestly. He links his fingers through hers and pulls her gently a little closer, and kisses her softly on the lips. "And I love you like this."

He drops her hands, toying with the silken sash, and holds her gaze, asking silently for permission. She nods slightly, and he pulls it undone, easing the robe off her shoulders, leaving her exposed to him in the soft lamp light.

He leads her by the hand to the bed. "Show me what's bothering you."

It makes her nervous at first, giving him a guided tour of all her insecurities, trusting him with them. But he worships her body with focused attention, clearly delighting in the changes that she sees as flaws. She shows him the prominent blue veins on her breasts, which he cups tenderly in his hands and kisses. She whispers that she hates her larger, darker nipples, and he sucks them into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them until they stiffen and she arches her back. She runs a finger along the silvery stretch marks snaking around her stomach, over her stretched navel and along the linea nigra that leads the way to her core, and he kisses and licks along its path until she whimpers, then he buries his face between her legs until she loses all trace of self consciousness, overwhelmed by pleasure.

Lying drowsily content in his arms afterwards, there's no need to talk. He's in her arms, her chin resting on his head, as she runs her hands lazily over the contours of his back, his upper arms. She's thinking about the next morning: waking up together in their new home, making love, making breakfast, making a plan for the day. Donna never minded being alone when she was single - she had a busy social life and plenty to occupy her. But knowing that if she makes no plans, does nothing, she'll have her favorite person right here, apparently loving her the way she is - it's just really nice.

…

Monday 4th April (2 months later)

Unfortunately Donna's fears were justified. A few days after she moved into the new house, the other shoe finally dropped.

Mike was arrested for conspiracy to commit fraud, and Anita Gibbs had gone after all of them, her sights clearly set on Harvey in particular. She'd targeted Donna's dad to try to get her to turn on Harvey, and although Harvey had swiftly got them out if it, the situation shattered the uneasy truce between the two most important men in her life, and her dad had said a lot of hurtful things about Harvey, and about her choices. She remembered Harvey's new year proposal, and with Harvey's trial looking likely to follow swiftly on from Mike's conviction, she was consumed with regret.

Harvey had handled the reality of Mike's arrest better than the nebulous uncertainty of the threat hanging over their heads. He'd fought with everything he had, but Mike had taken a deal to protect them all and gone to prison anyway, and now Harvey was fighting jus tas hard to get him out.

She has barely seen him out of work since Mike was first arrested, they've barely talked. He is working late every night, and he has reverted to spending most nights at his apartment to avoid disturbing her. The notable exception was the night before the verdict, when he had come to her, broken and wracked with guilt: he had shared his fears, and she had held him all through the night. There is no issue between them. But she can't claim any of his time or attention, and she misses him.

….

Today she is visiting Mike at Danbury for the first time: He has visitor points that expire today. Rachel has an exam and, as his attorney, Harvey can see him any time, so she seizes the chance to come.

Ray drives her down. It's her first time visiting a prison, and although Rachel had prepared her for what to expect, it feels surreal as she presents her ID, submits to a pat down and transfers her valuables to a clear plastic bag.

When she sees Mike, unfamiliar with his shorter hair and uniform, she forces a cheerful greeting: she's damned if she's going to bring him down by being anything other than positive and cheerful. She pulls him into the brief hug that she knows is allowed and takes a seat opposite him.

As it's a low-security prison, thankfully visits are in an open room, so once she's seated at the table with Mike, it seems almost normal, if she focuses on him and blocks out their surroundings.

Mike adopts a look of mock confusion. "Something's different… Got it! You've changed your hair?"

"Ha, I'm pretty sure it's the massive bump? They chose me for a 'random' patdown, but I think they just wanted to check it's all baby."

He laughs. "You mean you're not hiding something up your sweater that's gonna bust me outta here?"

"Shit. Are we allowed to joke about stuff like this?"

"Probably not," he grins. "You're looking well, Donna. It's really good to see you."

She's reassured that Mike is doing OK. He gives her a slightly coded update on the Frank Gallo situation to relay to Harvey; tells her about how he's focused on exercise; about his job helping out in the kitchen; how vile the food is. And Donna makes him laugh by wondering if the latter two points are connected.

"And how is he doing?" Mike eventually asks.

"As you'd expect. Though you may have seen him more than me."

"I'm sorry, Donna. No panic attacks?"

"You know about those?"

"Louis is hardly discreet. But that aside, I found him in the bathroom one day in January, and something was clearly not right, though he wouldn't admit to anything."

"I think he's actually doing better because he has something to fight. He was actually struggling more when this was hanging over us, and there was nothing he could do. And he is fighting, Mike. He's going to get you out, and then we can all put this behind us."

"Yeah, I know he is."

The guard calls time, and she gives Mike a brief, tight hug, squeezing her eyes shut. When she opens them, they lock with another prisoner at the next table: it's Stephen Huntley. She sees her own shock mirrored on his face, as he takes in that it's her, then looks her up and down.

Her reaction is visceral, adrenaline coursing through her body. She's too flustered to get any words out, as the guard ushers her out. Mike looks at her white face, confused, and looks around for the cause, before he sees Stephen too. It's clear from his expression that he'd had no idea Stephen was here either.

She follows the guard, retrieves her belongings and locates Ray's car on automatic pilot.

Mike clearly didn't know not only that Stephen was in the visitor room, but that he was there at all. Had he just been transferred from another prison? Or had he just been in a different wing all along?

Seeing Stephen brings back her acute horror she'd felt at having been with a murderer, of the terrible night when she had thought she might be carrying his child.

She wants to tell Harvey, but he doesn't need anything else to worry about. She is always worried about upsetting his equilibrium, his panic attacks returning. She doesn't want to throw him off course helping Mike, either because of that, or because he gets mad at Stephen and does something stupid. Plus what's the need? Stephen doesn't have any particular grievance against Mike. Stephen can't reach her while he's safely in prison. It'll be fine. She can handle this.

Thursday 7th April (three days later)

It's been a long day rounding off a long week. Harvey is stressed out by the Frank Gallo situation, and working late again. She has spent the evening at Rachel's to keep her company. They had dinner together, and caught up, Rachel telling her that Mike had called earlier and said that Stephen must be in another wing - he hadn't seen him since visiting time on Monday. He confirmed that he'd had no idea Stephen was at Danbury.

Arriving home late, she finds a letter on the door mat. She tears it open, and pulls out a piece of paper bearing the logo of a top family law firm.

Re: Paternity Test Request

Dear Ms Paulsen,

I am writing to request that a paternity test is carried out in order to establish whether the child that you are expecting is my client Stephen Huntley's genetic son or daughter. If this is the case, my client would like to be able to act in the child's best interest and provide for them both financially and paternally where possible.

I understand that the costs involved will be in the region of $700 and that my client will have to pay both the costs for the DNA testing and also the doctor's time.

I hope that you will agree to voluntary testing to resolve this as soon as possible. Please let me know of our intentions within the next 21 days.

I look forward to hearing from you in due course.

Yours sincerely,

Alex Weber

Attorney at Law

She feels like the breath has been knocked out of her.

Fumbling for her phone, she calls Rachel. She doesn't think to call Harvey. She hasn't told him about seeing Stephen at Danbury.

Rachel tries to reassure her.

"You know it's not his, right?"

"Yes. The timings don't work."

"And a doctor would confirm that?"

"Yes, I think so. They said the dating scan was accurate within five days. It would have to be out by much more than that to be his."

"So you don't need to even worry about a DNA test. You can get this dealt with here and now."

"It's still going to take, what, a couple of weeks. I don't need this on top of everything else. And I don't want to tell Harvey."

"Why not, Donna? He would want to support you."

"He's got enough going on with Frank Gallo. And I don't want him to do anything stupid that could jeopardise Mike."

"I still think you should. You know how he gets when people keep things from him."

"I know. I'll think about it."

"Just try to put it out of your mind tonight. Call your doctor tomorrow."

"You're right. Thanks Rach."

Donna gets straight into bed, and tries to read a book to take her mind of things. She's only a couple of pages in, when she felt her bump tighten and harden uncomfortably under her hand. She pulled up her pyjama top, and it had changed shape a little - taller, narrower. After a few seconds, it seemed to relax back to normal. Weird. She wonders if it's Braxton Hicks - practice contractions that she's read about. She grabs her phone to google it.

It could be. She settles back down. And it happens again. She finds information online which almost reassures her. It can be normal at this stage of pregnancy. It keeps happening for about 20 minutes, then eases off, allowing her to fall asleep.

….

Friday 8th April (the next day)

Donna wakes up at 2am and can't get back to sleep. She uses the time when she is wide awake to formulate a plan that will resolve the Stephen situation immediately.

She calls Danbury and manages to get on the visitor list for Stephen Huntley. As his family is overseas, she assumes he doesn't have many visitors and won't be short on points. She, organises a car to take her to and from the prison.

She messages Harvey to say that she had a bad night, and she's tired, so she's staying at home. It's not like her, but he is always concerned about her overdoing things, and he won't question it. He responds offering to drop everything and come over, but she assures him she is fine, just tired, suppressing her feelings of guilt at lying to him.

Back at Danbury for the second time this week, Donna goes through the rigmarole of getting through security again and finds Stephen there waiting for her at a table.

She sits down, stony-faced, and gets straight to it.

"The baby isn't yours."

"Nice to see you too, Donna." He's just the same as he always was: charming, playful, insincere.

"I can't say the same. Now back the hell off."

"I'm sorry, I can't. I don't believe that baby isn't mine. It's what, eight months and a half months since that memorable night at the Plaza, and you look pretty much ready to pop."

He looks her up and down lecherously, making her feel dirty, sick to her stomach. "It isn't yours, and the baby isn't due until the summer."

He raises his eyebrows. "I find it hard to believe you moved on that fast, Donna. A classy woman like you," he smirks.

Donna is determined to keep things calm and factual, but she feels her anger rising. "That's pretty offensive. But believe what you like, the baby isn't yours."

"Then there's no problem getting a doctor to confirm it, it is there, love?"

She takes a deep breath, and tries to appeal to his better nature, if he has one. "I am trying to avoid any more stress in what has already been a stressful pregnancy. If you ever cared about me at all, I am asking you to drop this."

"Sorry, love, no can do. I need to see it in black and white. Believe it or not, I do care about you, but that doesn't mean I trust you. You've lied to me before. You'd do it again.

"Now I don't get many visitors. We have almost an hour left. Why don't you entertain me? How has Harvey Specter taken this news that his favorite secretary has been knocked up by his worst enemy. I can imagine that was difficult news to break?"

"No. Harvey is the baby's father."

"Bullshit. It's mine, and he's stepped in to be the hero and play happy families."

"You should be glad you're in prison. If you weren't, Harvey would beat the shit out of you."

"I'm surprised he's not here. Oh wait… You haven't told him you're meeting me? Tsk, secrets. Not healthy in a relationship. Are you sure you wouldn't be better off with me, love? Good lawyers, good behavior. I'll be out soon. We could put all this behind us."

"You make me sick."

She stands up, ready to leave. This is getting her nowhere.

"Donna, wait! There's no need to be like that."

"Goodbye Stephen. You'll be hearing from my lawyer."

Deeply shaken, Donna goes through the exit process and heads out into the parking lot. She's looking for her driver, when she spots Ray's car. Shit. She didn't know Harvey was coming here today. If she's lucky Ray won't see her, and Harvey will be safely in an interview room with Mike.

But today isn't her lucky day. Ray spots her and gets out of the car, looking a little confused.

"I didn't realise you were here today, Miss Paulsen."

"Yes, it was a last minute…"

"Donna?" Harvey's here.

Ray gets back into the car to give them privacy, clearly sensing that something is off.

"What are you doing here? You said you were resting?"

"It's a long story."

"You weren't here to see Mike. So why?"

"Stephen Huntley."

"Here's here? Why would you come to see Stephen Fucking Huntley? And why would you keep that from me?" His voice is raised now, he's angry.

"Harvey, I…"

"How were you supposed to be getting home?" His voice is tight, his fists balled.

"I have a driver…"

"OK, find him, send him away."

She meekly does as he suggests, aware that she is totally in the wrong. She is dreading the journey back to New York.

He's already sitting in the back of the car, the privacy screen down so they can talk without Ray overhearing. She gets in, buckles up, and Ray drives away. Harvey is silent, his face turned away.

She doesn't know where to start.

"Harvey?"

He doesn't turn to her. "You lied to me, Donna, and I want to know why." He sounds more hurt than angry now. That's worse.

"Stephen saw me when I was visiting Mike on Monday. He sent me a letter saying that he wants a paternity test. I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you, and I was scared about what you might do. I thought I could sort it quicker if I could see him, but I was wrong." Her voice wobbles. "That's the explanation, but there are no excuses. I'm so sorry Harvey."

He turns to look at her. "You said I needed to share when I'm in trouble. But if we're going to make this work, then you also have come to me when something is going wrong in your life. You can't keep things like this from me, Donna. Even if you don't want me to do anything about it, you need to trust me with it."

She blinks back tears. "You're right, I'm sorry, I'll try."

"Come here." He puts his arm around her, as far as he can belted into the car, and kisses her lightly on the lips.

"I'm not going to do anything that will risk our family. We will get this taken care of together, OK?"

She gives him a crooked smile. "Who are you, and what have you done with Harvey Specter?"

He smiles back. "Maybe all that bullshit therapy you're making me do is finally working."

….

Unexpectedly, it was actually nice to spend a little time with Harvey on the drive back to New York. Ray drops her home, and Harvey holds her close and tells her that it's going to be another late one, but he'll do everything he can to free up Saturday night and Sunday for them to spend together.

Steeling herself against embarrassment, she phones the doctor, requesting a letter confirming her expected due date, and they agree to turn it around as quickly as possible.

She spends the evening pottering around, making dinner and clear up, watching TV, and settles down into bed at 11. After a few moments, she feels the same tightening she felt the previous night.

It's almost 1am and it's been going on for the best part of an hour, with the intensity of the pain, the duration of the contractions and the frequency ramping up. She's scared now.

She messaged Harvey about half an hour, but heard nothing back. She gives in and calls him. No response. She calls a few more times, and nothing. He's always been shit with his phone. It might be out of battery, on silent, in another room. She feels a rush of anger: there's no excuse with the baby on the way. He can't do this when the baby is born. What if it's sick? What if she needs him?

She thinks he's probably in the office still. She tries calling that number, with no luck. He never answers the office phones, and there's likely to be no one else there now.

She's imagining the worst, googling what happens to babies born this early.

She tries Harvey again. Nothing.

She knows he is doing his best by Mike. Knows there is little choice. But she feels furious with him for not being here for her and the baby, for not putting them first.

She throws on some clothes, and calls a taxi. She'll have to go to the hospital alone.