Chapter 24: Friday 8th April - evening
After Harvey drops Donna off at home, he returns to the office and throws himself into work. He's close to a breakthrough on the deal that will get Mike out of prison. If he can just push on, push it through, they can all get back to some kind of normality. He wants to get Mike out of there as soon as possible, obviously, but the baby's 1 June due date has felt like a bit of a deadline. However today has brought it home forcibly that Donna needs more of him right now. After his… breakdown? ... earlier in the year, he knows he has to work hard if he's to prove to her that she can trust him.
It's 8 o'clock. He stands up, tired, hungry, dazed and a little stiff from staring at his computer for so long. The office is dark and quiet. He misses Donna - she'd always made working late much less of a hardship. She'd make him take breaks, they'd share take out… He'd love nothing more than to have her here right now, snatch some time out, eat shitty Thai, put on one of his dad's records.
He picks up his phone. She hasn't been in touch. Perhaps it's better to give her a little space. His mind wanders over what happened today, where that leaves them, what next.
He's proud that he managed to keep his cool today. Someone he loves lying to him: pre-therapy Harvey would have erupted in molten fury. New Harvey still feels that way, but he can take a breath, engage his brain before reacting. He knows that Donna doesn't deserve that, and he successfully kept himself in check.
He can't give her the time he wants to right now, but at least he can get Stephen Huntley off her back. He had to fight off the urge to tell that bastard to go fuck himself personally, but Donna doesn't want that, and he can't even be her lawyer, since he is the baby's actual father in a disputed paternity case. Louis will make it go away. It's not his area of law, but he is a formidable lawyer, and Harvey knows he won't rest till he annihilates any threat to Donna's wellbeing. He'd trusted Harvey with his sister. Now Harvey has to trust him with this.
Harvey is lost in thought, still holding his phone, when he feels it vibrate. It's his mom. He is surprised that he feels an instinctive pull to talk to her, to share his worries. For the first time in forever she represents comfort, not conflict.
She's in the city for an exhibition. A friend cancelled, and she has a little time before her train. Does he want to get dinner? He decides to go, take a break and clear his head.
….
It's midnight. He's back at his apartment after dinner with his mom. Just as he was saying goodbye to her, he got a call from Sean Cahill, and he'd gone to see him to discuss their next move on Mike's deal.
He pulls his phone out of his pocket and sees that it's out of battery, so he plugs it in and sets it down on the kitchen counter. It's been quite a day. He feels too wound up for sleep, and his mind is restless, racing through the events of the day. A nightcap might help. He pours a scotch, and goes to sit out on this balcony. He hopes the fresh cold air, the long view over the Manhattan skyline, will help give him perspective, clear his head. Snatches of conversation flash through his mind.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't want to upset you, and I was scared about what you might do."
He's ashamed that Donna sees him as too fragile, too volatile, to trust. He can see why, but he is still hurt and angry that she kept a big secret, that she actively lied to him. He wants secrets and lies to stop being at the heart of his relationships with the people he loves.
Which is why when his mom had asked about Donna, he fought his instinct to conceal the truth, and had told her a brief version of what's really going on: he hasn't seen a lot of Donna because of the situation with Mike, and he's upset because she'd kept a problem from him.
"Don't put your family second to work. I know how it feels when your partner does that."
"Are you saying Donna's gonna cheat on me? Because…"
"I'm not saying that, honey, not at all."
"It's not that easy, mom. It's not just work. Mike is family too."
"That may be. But this is the mother of your child, Harvey. And if Donna is putting herself last, you shouldn't take that as permission to do the same. It's all the more reason to put her first."
He knows he needs to be around more. But the only way he can see to do that is to be around less in the short term. But how short will the short term be? He's said he'll block out time for Donna this weekend. But if something comes up that could help Mike's deal - what then? Donna will tell him he can go handle it. But according to his mom, he shouldn't take her permission at face value?
How can he look Mike in the eye if he doesn't do everything he can to get him out as soon as possible? Mike is in prison for him. He is in an impossible position.
He sits outside for a long while before he decides it's time to try to get some sleep.
He picks up his phone from the counter, unplugs it and presses the power on button before setting it on his nightstand while he goes to brush his teeth.
He climbs into bed, and picks up his phone to set his alarm.
His stomach lurches when he sees a few missed calls from Donna, and a string of unread messages.
11.32 Harvey, call me?
11.58 Harvey?
12:36 I need you. I'm not feeling right. I think I need to get checked out.
12:52 Where the hell are you Harvey? I'll be at the hospital if that's of any interest
….
Donna is in the hospital waiting room. Everything feels unreal, like a bad dream. If the contractions had felt bad lying on her bed at home, they are ripping through her with ten times the impact now that she is sitting in a hard plastic chair under harsh strip lights.
She doesn't know how much time passes. It feels like she has been here forever, will be here forever. The doctor will never come, Harvey will never call. She feels detached from her surroundings, untethered from reality. There is only fear and pain.
Then the doctor calls her name.
Donna gives a quick rundown of the situation, and lies down on the bed, as the doctor presses lightly on her stomach, frowning.
"Has this happened before?"
"Only once, last night." Donna pauses, hissing in pain as she's gripped by another contraction. "But it only lasted for about 20 minutes, and it wasn't so painful then."
"No unusual discharge or bleeding?"
"No," she croaks out.
"Have you been under any stress lately?"
She nods. "Is that the cause?"
She will never, never forgive herself if anything happens to her baby because she hasn't taken it easy, because she has comprehensively made a mess of her life, from her shitty choice to get involved with Stephen, to allowing Harvey to hire a fraud...
"Braxton Hicks can be perfectly normal at this stage in pregnancy, and they can feel surprisingly strong. I think it is unlikely to be early labor."
Relief washes over her.
"In my experience, they're worse if you're tired or stressed. This is probably just a warning to take it easy."
Like that's an option, she thinks bitterly.
"I'm going to keep you in tonight for observation, just in case."
"What if I am in early labor?"
"There are drugs we can use to delay it for a few hours or days while we give steroids to strengthen the baby's lungs. 32 weeks is early, and if the baby does come now, it may not be an easy ride, but the chances of a good outcome are high. The best thing you can do now is stay calm and positive."
Donna takes a deep breath, nods. "OK."
"Is there someone you can call to support you?" the doctor asks delicately.
"Harvey. The baby's father. He's on his way." Donna hopes to god that's true.
A nurse leads her into a private room, she changes into a gown, and lies on the bed. The doctor returns, exposes her bump and sticks several pads across it, hooking her up to a monitor.
"Try and get some rest, Donna." The doctor switches the lights down low. "The buzzer is here if you need anything. Do you want me to send Harvey in when he arrives?"
She nods wearily, and closes her eyes, focusing on her breathing, trying to block out the hospital noises, and the fears jostling in her overwrought brain.
When things were looking bad, she had just wanted Harvey here, but now it seems that it's probably ok, she's beyond pissed with him. Surely he's not doing this because she kept Stephen from him? He can't be punishing her, can he? He'd seemed ok - kind of. What if he had a panic attack? Where the hell is he?
….
Harvey dashes into the hospital reception, and he's directed straight to Donna's room. She looks pale and fragile on the bed, her eyes red, staring at the ceiling. He stops dead in the doorway.
She looks over at him, then back up at the ceiling, her expression unchanging, indifferent.
He stands awkwardly. "I'm so, so sorry Donna. I should have been here."
She doesn't acknowledge him.
"What did they say?"
She relays the information blankly.
"I am so sorry, my phone was out of battery. Trust me, I will never do this to you again." He pauses. "Talk to me, Donna."
"Harvey, I can't talk to you without getting mad. And that won't do me or the baby any good right now. You weren't here when I needed you. It's too fucking late now. You may as well go home."
"I have no defence here. But I want to stay. We need to work through…"
"Save the therapy bullshit, Harvey. I'm not in the mood."
He wants to argue back, to defend himself. He's proud of how well he's been doing with therapy, and for her to throw it back in his face… He swallows down the urge. "OK. But just know that I'm going to do better."
She shakes her head. "You've said that before."
"I'll move in properly, so I'm right there if you need me at night. I'll set up my home office, so I'll be there most evenings. My phone will always be charged. I... "
"I'm going to sleep, Harvey. Do what the hell you like. You always do anyway." She turns her face away, and gets as comfortable as she can in the narrow bed, hooked up to the monitor.
Harvey sinks down into a chair in the corner, his head in his hands.
It's been a hard night for Donna - but don't worry, in the next chapter things will be on the up. We might finally see the arrival of the baby and get closer to our happy ending :-)