KEZZ 1: Thank you for your review and Happy New Year to you as well!
tanya20060905: I am so thrilled to receive my first international review through you it literally has me tickled pink! Anyways, the writing gets to me too, sometimes, especially Ani's accent. It's hard to determine how to write it sometimes because it's so thick in places. As far as the constructive criticism, I appreciate it and can see where you are coming from on all of it. Honestly, Carol's character, for as great as she is, is a dumpster fire on wheels at this point. She's made a lot of bad decisions for personal reasons in season 10 that I just can't justify aside from from a psychological standpoint. I have yet to decide Carol's fate after I decide to go off canon and start writing the ending of this story. It's not that I don't like her character, I just think that she's gone a little too far off the deep end for justification...Not arguing or debating or degrading, just explaining my POV when it comes to her. Thank you so much for reading my story and giving criticism, because I love that and I love being able to respond like this. So, thank you!
"Showers are in here," Laura said, pointing to a door. "Normally you have to sign the sheet to get it when it's still hot, but Negan cleared a block for you."
"Looks like it's more'n one showa head in there. Why not double up? Have women take showas with women and men with men? Might use more hot wata at once, but in the long run, ya won' need ta 'clear' blocks jus' for someone ta take a showa," Ani said with a shrug of a shoulder.
"That's not a bad idea, actually."
"I know it's not. I came up with it."
"You're a little full of yourself."
"Nah, jus' gettin' comfy talkin' ta ya. Ya need a showa? Again, no point in only usin' one fuckin' head when there's so many."
"No, I'm good. You go ahead. I'm gonna stand watch at the door. Tom and Ellie might not be around, but a few of their friends are. I'd rather make sure you're safe than take a shower right now," Laura answered, looking down the hall to see one of said friends staring their way. "Besides, most of us take showers every couple days and wash up every day."
"Most a ya? Does that include the workas?" Ani asked as Laura opened the door for her.
With a sigh, Laura answered, "Showers cost the workers points. Some make enough, some don't. It just depends on the job and what points they have."
"Ya have medical experience, right?" Ani asked, prompting Laura to nod. "Then ya know that illnesses spread through close quarters, filth, and masses. Ya got all three waitin' for some cold or flu ta come 'round and then ya all screwed. I should know. That's how me last place fell."
"Just get in there and shower and then we can talk about it, alright?" Laura said, getting frustrated at Ani's constant chatter about how to make this place better while thrusting a towel, some clothes, and some toiletries into her arms. "I'll take you down to the market afterwards, let you get a few things for your room."
"What makes ya think it's me room?"
"Negan said it was and to make you more comfortable, so that's what I'm gonna do. Go shower up."
Ani shrugged her shoulders and walked into the large shower room. It was like being in a gym, most of the shower heads four to a pillar and the entire floor tiled. Ani felt a little awkward showering in such an open environment after having been able to shower in her own, personal bathroom, but she knew that that wasn't possible here. There really was only one entrance, at least, and Ani was thankful for the feel of the hot water as she felt the weariness of the last few days wash away. The tightness in her muscles started to relax and combined with the stretches she'd done earlier, the soreness was slowly going away. She wasn't sure how long she'd been in there for, but her skin was rubbed red by the time she was done washing and her scalp was tingling.
She'd scrubbed and scrubbed at herself, feeling hands on her that weren't actually there from Negan's attention and Daryl's absence. Knowing Tom and Ellie lived here, her skin itched constantly, too, which had made her scrub even harder. Ani knew psychologically that it was just her nerves telling her that someone other than Laura was constantly watching her. It was all in her head that she was on edge for an attack that couldn't come. She knew that the thoughts she was forcing at bay about Daryl escaping without her were just from nerves, too. Everything was piling up on her and she couldn't afford to breakdown yet. Not until she had Daryl back and they were far away from this place.
The clothes Laura had given her were hardly to her taste after she'd dried off and looked at them. The dress came just above her knees and had an open back. She'd been given a proper bra and lace panties to put on, too. Ani hadn't even noticed the wedges that were hiding in the bundle as Laura had been smart enough to wrap all the items with the towels she'd been given. Scrunching up her nose, she walked over to her old clothes and just put them on. If she could go weeks wearing the same outfit while on the road with minimal bathing, she could go however long it took to get out of here in the same clothes. Bundling up the dress, undergarments, and wedges, she yanked the door open, Laura talking to another woman while leaning against a wall.
"The whole point of taking a shower was to get into clean clothes," Laura told her. "Negan picked them out himself. Said you should feel as pretty as you look."
"Seriously? What kind of puke inducing bullshit is that?" the woman beside her asked. "What'd he give you anyway?"
"A dress. I don' really like dresses. They ain' exactly Apocalypse Now attire," Ani answered. "'Sides, 'e didn' give me anythin' ta wear undaneath it ta keep othas from seein' up it. Ain' 'bout ta wear somethin' that could possibly show me nethas."
"Nethers? What are you? Five?" the woman asked.
"Twenny four. Why's it matta?"
"Why not just call it what it is? I mean, pussy, vagina, vag, vag-jay-jay, I've heard people call it. Why nethers of all things?"
"Call it tact. I jus' like how the word sounds betta than anythin' else," Ani said with a shrug of her shoulders. "I liked watchin' BBC once upon a time and picked up a couple a phrases from 'cross the sea."
"And that matters why?"
"'Cause ya asked why I call me crotch me nethas. Don' ask if ya don' want an explanation," Ani quipped with the same snide attitude the woman had taken with her which caused the woman to look at her with a single eyebrow raised.
"Ani, this is Regina, Regina, Ani," Laura introduced them quickly. "She's gonna be going with us to the Market. She's got a few things she needs to pick up and I could use the company keeping an eye on you."
"What? Ya think I'm gonna cause problems when Negan's got me man by the nutsack threatenin' ta cut 'em off? Not happenin'," Ani said as she handed Laura the dress and shoes. "I know how ta bide me time."
"That's actually why she's with us," Laura said. "Negan thinks I'm getting a little too soft on you, so he's brought in Regina to take over now that you're up and about and don't need the IV."
"Ah, me new babysitta. I jus' love bein' watched all the damn time," Ani said sarcastically.
"Well, you don't have to have one. Negan told you how to make it easy on yourself."
"Do ya really think ya can make me change me mind 'bout bendin' the knee?"
"You seriously haven't gotten on board yet? After everything Negan's doing for you, you're still going to deny that his way is the only way?" Regina asked.
"Hell yeah, I am," Ani told her. "He beat me man. One a his men killed me best friend. I don' even know how me man's bein' treated outside a bein' in bitch clothin' and barefoot when 'e ain' bein' beat. Feel like I'm at home all ova again, 'xept I'm not the one bein' beat, Daryl is. I'm jus' dealin' with the emotional downfall a it all. Daryl's bein' punished jus' 'cause we won' break," she said, trying hard to steady her breathing and keep the tears from falling; she knew they knew she was close to breaking simply from how they were treating Daryl. "And 'fore ya say it, I know. I know all we gotta do is kneel. I jus' can'. I didn' know who I was for the longest time, neitha did Daryl. I ain' givin' it up, I ain' askin' 'im ta give it up. I can'. And I don' wanna raise me kid in an environment where they're expected ta kneel, ta give up who they could be ta be molded ta be someone or somethin' they aren'. When ya raised bein' beat 'cause ya don' fit the mold, the last thing I want is ta make me kid fit a mold."
"So, you're willing to let your man be beat so he can keep true to himself?"
"He could give out any time and I would neva fault 'im for it. I'd welcome 'im with open arms. But I ain' makin' that choice for 'im. And I know he ain' the kind a man ta take the easy way out, so I doubt 'e'll make that choice eitha," she said, sniffling and shaking her head before looking up at the backs of the two women walking in front of her.
"You keep telling yourself that, hun," Regina said, looking back at her with a mild smirk. "It's pretty damn obvious you're about to break."
"I'm pregnant!" Ani defended, not wanting to admit that she really was closer to breaking than she expected herself to be. "I can' help the sniffles and the tears. It sucks that I can' control whetha I cry or not."
"Uh-huh," was her answer as they began walking down flights of stairs.
The 'market' was actually just a bunch of tables with various goods, whether homemade or scavenged, scattered across them. The 'workers' weren't even named, they were just given numbers, which Ani found absolutely degrading. When the points system was fully explained to her and Ani found out that even food cost points even though everyone worked and everyone did their jobs, she was mortified. The people who needed medicine could either forgo the medicine or their food, which was absolutely horrible. Ani understood the need for a caste type system, with those who were soldiers getting the priority as far as medicine goes, but she watched as a man was beat for seemingly no reason! It was difficult for Ani being held back by both Regina and Laura, the two having her arms locked behind her as she fought against them saying how thugs shouldn't be considered soldiers.
When she was finally let go, when the men were done beating the man, she ran to him. She wasn't the only one, either, as both an older and younger woman as well as a young boy came to him too. They cried as Ani got to work assessing the areas that were bleeding and double checking the bruising. Looking up at her bodygaurds, the two women who were just standing there watching, she barked out orders for herbs and hot water, neither woman even moving from their spots. The younger lady who'd come for the man moved, though, running as fast as she could towards another station. When she came back, the amount of herbs she had was meager, but at least it would be helpful. Rather than making any poultice, even though that was half the reason she'd asked for them, she gave instruction for the young lady to soak the leaves in hot water for five minutes before slowly giving it to the man.
"Is this seriously what 'e wants me ta bring me kid inta?" Ani asked as she turned to look at Laura and Regina. "This is what this place is like? Ya a worka, ya not even known by ya name, jus' some fuckin' numba! That shite right there is degradin' 'nough! But ya can catch a beatin' jus' 'cause ya piss off a soldier?! Bad 'nough they gotta work for points jus' ta eat! Now they don' even know whetha they're gonna make it through the day 'cause an asshole is pissed off?! What the fuck?!"
"Who do you think you are to question Negan?" Regina asked, her arms folded across her chest angrily.
"Someone who led their own group a people and neva once treated anyone like this. Everyone was expected ta train who could. Everyone was treated equally. It sucked ass if we couldn' find the meds one a our group needed, but we did what we could for everyone, not jus' for the man at the top or the fightas. Everyone, literally everyone, was treated equal, not like crap that could walk all ova each otha," Ani told her angrily while standing up and pointing down at the man on the ground, not even realizing she'd drawn the attention of a lot of the people on the floor from soldier to worker alike. "This, this? Is what ya want me ta turncoat for? A place where thugs rule the roost and anyone who ain' a thug gets stepped on? This is bullshite! If Negan thought showin' me his empire was gonna make me wanna stay, that shite backfired like a donkey kick ta the nuts durin' a pony show!"
"Why you little-" Regina started, only for Ani to interrupt.
"Why me little what? Why am I pointin' out the obvious flaws in ya system? Why am I tryin' ta help people ya don' give two shites 'bout? Why me little self has such a bleedin' heart? Ya've neva been beat down the way I have. Ya've neva had ta treat ya own injuries jus' 'cause some asshole thought they were betta than ya in the world."
"You don't know what I've had to do," Regina said while staring her down, Ani just staring right back.
"Ya right," Ani replied nodding her head while looking at the woman contemplatively. "I don'. But I know that it wasn' anywhere near as bad as it got when the world ended. But I know how it feels ta be a little girl who had ta stitch 'erself up or burn 'erself jus' ta keep the bleedin' controlled. I know how it feels ta be beat down ta an inch a me life jus' 'cause some asshole had a bad day. I know how they feel bein' treated like this 'cause I was treated so similar. Me name was Titania, and they butcha'd it all ta hell 'til I hated it 'til be new family gave me a new name. Me body is cova'd in the remindas a what happened. Hell, look at me damn head! That's the latest reminda! Whateva ya've gone through, whateva anyone's gone through, it don' give 'em the right ta act like Lord, judge, and jury ova otha people's lives like y'all are. Soldias, workas, ya got a line drawn when there shouldn' be. And that line, one a these days, ya workas aren' gonna take ya soldias' crap anymore."
"Like you know how things work here," Regina told her, thoroughly annoyed by the young woman who was standing up to both her and Negan in front of the workers. "We're done here, let's go."
Regina hauled Ani away, one hand in the crook of her elbow as she did her best to look at everything she could. She wanted to engrave this place in her mind so that she knew what she was fighting for past Daryl and Little D. These people were treated like animals, everything about their lives from when they slept to how much food they got controlled by Negan and the soldiers. And the sad thing was that the workers and their families vastly outnumbered the soldiers, they just were too afraid to retaliate. When Daryl had called the Saviors the boogeymen back in Hilltop, she honestly thought that they were worse than that, but being here, in the so-called market? She could now see the truth that that was exactly what they were. As far as she could tell, there were only about a dozen or so soldiers on site while there were over a hundred workers, counting their families as well. Even with Negan taking about fifty soldiers with him to Alexandria, the workers had the soldiers outnumbered by at least two to one, if not three.
For the life of her, Ani couldn't understand why they were so okay with how things were run. It wasn't until she noticed that every soldier had a handgun and a rifle of some kind that she understood the situation for what it truly was. The workers simply didn't have the weapons to fight when it came down to it. In fact, most of them didn't even have knives on them; they were completely unarmed and probably thought that they would be fools for even trying to fight. Ani really couldn't blame them for their fear when they were basically a work camp with armed guards. Negan had seemed so relatable, so easy to understand why he did what he did, but there had been a hint of compassion to it all too. Ani was having a hard time wrapping her head around the two different facets of Negan she'd been introduced to by taking that walk through the market.
"If you think that's bad, check out what your boyfriend's job is gonna be," Regina said as she practically dragged Ani outside.
If Ani thought the treatment of the workers was atrocious, watching people dressed in similar clothes to what Daryl had been wearing working with walkers was even worse. Her body was so tense as they wrangled a walker onto the fence, one of the men working to chain it there while the other tried to keep it under control with a pole. Neither had any kind of protective gear and both were constantly being pulled at or reached for by the walkers that were already in place. All she wanted to do was go out and start killing the walkers to help the people, but the smell followed by the way the walkers on the fence moved had her retching and vomiting over the side of the railing. Both the women behind her just stared at the walkers as she got sick and straightened back out.
"This is sick," she told them.
"This is how we stay safe," Regina corrected. "You think you can stay safe in this world without something like this?"
"We have!" Ani cried out, getting a bit defensive.
"Yeah, but you've got walls," Laura said.
"And ya got all kinds a material ta build some yaselves! Or, ya know, ya could work with the otha places ya jus' takin' shite from and everyone could help each otha. Ya know, like civilized folks? Like buildin' up cities and shite? Ya could do so much more'n ya are by helpin' ratha than oppressin'," Ani reasoned.
"Do you see this place?" Regina asked. "Look around. Do you honestly think other communities would help when we've got no crops, no fields. I mean, what exactly would we be able to give them for their help?"
Ani shrugged her shoulder and said simply, "Ya got people. Ya could clean up this yard and get all the walkas outta it and build up some above ground plantin' areas. I'm assumin' ya already did that in a few places 'cause a the fact that ya got fresh produce."
"It's just enough for the soldiers."
"But it could be enough for everyone with jus' a little tinkerin' and work! On top a that, ya got soldiers who are on death's door workin' the outpost and thugs that are nothin' more'n bullies while ya got plenty a able-bodied workas that ya keep weak! Ya could actually do somethin' with yaselves. Become actual soldias. Train up, form ranks, have actual battle tactics ratha than jus' usin' sheer numbas as ya scare tactics. I mean, outside a brawlin', do any a ya really know how ta fight? Like, propaly fight?"
"Who doesn't know how to fight?" Regina asked with a chuckle.
"Nah, ya don' get it. I ain' meanin' throwin' a punch and dodgin' or fightin' by instinct. I'm meanin' actual combat trainin'; self-defense, knowin' where the vitals are, how ta end a fight as quickly as possible, different techniques a how ta fight," Ani listed, forgetting for a minute that these were enemies she was talking to, people she should not be trying to help. "Do the workas know how ta fight? How ta defend 'emselves? If ya taught 'em that, they'd prolly be more supportive a the leadaship 'round 'ere."
"Do you ever stop talking about how to 'make things better'?" Regina asked, doing air quotes before flailing her arms out to the side. "What do you think this is? A tour to get your opinion?"
"Well, ya did ask me 'bout fightin'. And if I'm stuck in here for a while, I might as well try ta make the place a little betta for the people livin' here."
"Don't bullshit me," Regina told her. "You're not gonna change any minds here."
"Might not change your mind, but that don't mean I won' be changin' minds," Ani said defiantly as the sound of trucks and motorcycles came ringing from the surrounding area.
"They're back," Laura stated. "Come on. Let's get you back to your room."
"I know I've got a changin' a the guards thing goin' on, but ya'll come talk ta me, right? Like, ya ain' forbidden from visitin' or anythin', right?" Ani asked, having come to actually like Laura through some of the conversations they'd had.
Laura had been a med student, following in her dad's footsteps. The tattoo on her neck was in remembrance of her late boyfriend who had died years ago. They'd gotten the tattoos together because he was an Islander and they'd meant a lot to him as a symbol of that heritage. She'd gotten it because they'd found out that he was terminally ill with an incurable and inoperable disease and she wanted something to remember him by. Ani had asked her what it was like getting a tattoo, grimacing when Laura responded that it felt like a bee sting over and over again, just ten times more painful. They'd bonded over music and had just started talking about movies and television earlier as she ate before Negan had come in.
"I can come chat when I'm free," Laura said with a nod of her head and a smile on her face, liking the girl herself.
"Let's move it!" Regina said impatiently as she gave Ani a little shove in the direction she wanted her to go.
"Yeesh, ya not gonna be much fun," Ani commented, though she did keep walking back to her assigned room.
"I'm not here to entertain you. I'm here because Negan says we need a watch on you in case any of Tom and Ellie's friends decide they want to get a little handsy with the pregnant lady."
"Well, I appreciate it, even if I don' really need it."
"You're pregnant," Regina said redundantly. "You shouldn't be fighting."
"Shouldn' be bein' held against me will. Shouldn' be away from me man. Shouldn' be away from me home. Shouldn' be bein' treated like a child. And yet, I got babysittas cartin' me 'round like a prized hog."
"Let your belly get bigger, then you can call yourself a hog," Regina said.
"Oh me gods!" Ani said with a laugh, simultaneously smacking and grabbing Laura's arm. "She's got a sense a humor! Someone tell the authorities! Ms. Stick-Up-'Er-Ass can actually crack a joke!"
Regina just looked at her and scoffed as she opened the door to Ani's room and walked in, though Ani could see the small smile on her face as she did so. The woman was going to be less fun than Laura had been, but Ani didn't mind a different perspective of this place. Laura was a sympathetic soul; in all honesty, Ani could see herself making the same choice to follow Negan after he'd saved her and her father. She was a part of the reason Ani had been ready to give up, to let Negan win, until she'd seen the market and the conditions the workers not only worked in, but lived in.
Negan was definitely charming, and he made a lot of points that were reasonable. In all honesty, there wasn't much difference between him and Rick when it came down to their cores. They just had very different ways of treating people. She'd been thinking that it might be alright for her to stay, for her and Daryl to work with this place to try to better the situation, but seeing how the workers were treated had negated that entirely. Ani doubted that even the soldiers were safe from catching beatings if they messed up. She couldn't risk that happening, especially when she had a feeling it'd be Daryl that would pay for her fuck ups. There was also the fact that she didn't know how Daryl would feel about being asked to kneel because she was willing to. Even if it was for his sake, so that he didn't have to be beaten again, the fear of disappointing Daryl combined with everything she'd seen cemented her resolve all over again.
She was stifling a yawn as she sat on the bed in the middle of a conversation about which horror movie villain was better, Freddy or Jason, when Negan's classic knock came through the door prompting Ani to ask, "Does 'e eva give a different knock?"
"When you're in trouble," Regina stated plainly as she walked to the door.
"Got a present for ya," Negan said with a smile as soon as the door was open, one hand behind his back as he entered.
"If it's the poncho I asked for, it ain' a present, it was a request," Ani deadpanned, causing Negan's smile to turn into a smirk.
"Well, aren't you one to cross the Is and dot the Ts," Negan chuckled back at her. "And it just so happens that I do have that poncho and I even let Daryl keep a hold of it the whole way here! But that isn't the present I have for you," he told her, bringing his hand around and revealing both the poncho and a pillow.
"A pillow?" she asked.
"Not just any pillow. Daryl's pillow, straight from your bed, which I was nice enough to let you keep," he said as he handed her the things.
Ani simply told him thank you as she pulled the poncho over her head and grabbed a hold of the pillow. Bringing it to her front, she leaned her head right into it and breathed deeply, the smell of stale cigarettes, engine oil, grease, and sweat combined with Daryl's own unique musk relaxing her. Even as it relaxed her, though, Ani couldn't help the tears that began to fall as she clutched his pillow. This was the closest thing to Daryl she had been able to feel aside from those short-lived moments they tried to escape. Between the poncho and his pillow, his scent was all around her and the sob that escaped her only made her bury her face in it all the more.
"I thought you might like that," Negan said, his tone soft and gentle. "You know, there really is an easy way to make all this pain end. To bring him back to you. Although, I must say, I'm surprised to see you in the same clothes. Didn't you like the clothes I had Sherry pick out for you?"
"I don' wear dresses."
"With all those scars-"
"That ain' the reason, ya ass!" Ani cut him off, lifting her head even though she knew the tears were running down her face. "I don' care who sees me scars as long as they don' fuckin' stare. Might be every great once in a while that I feel good 'bout me body 'cause a all the scars, but I ain' got nothin' ta be afraid a showin'. Hell, back home, I'm always jus' walkin' 'round in a comfort bra or sports bra and pants when I'm in the house. When it gets hot ova the summa, I wear that shite all the time."
"So, why no dresses?" Negan asked, thinking that it really was a waste bringing all those pretty dresses from her house just for her not to wear them; oh well, his wives would.
"They're impractical," Ani said with a shrug, laying her head on the pillow still in her arms as she brought her legs up and hugged her knees. "Even in the old times I'd ratha wear a crop top and Bermuda shorts than a damn dress or skirt. Don' help that I don' like wearin' undagarments. Me hips are too wide and me ass is too big for me ta fit any that fit me waist. And if they fit me waist, they end up givin' me a wedgie."
"Could always wear thongs," Negan said with a smirk.
Ani looked at him with a blank expression and deadpanned, "What the hell is a point a a thong when it don' do nothin' anyways? Ya ass is hangin' out and ya got somethin' wedged up ya crotch like it's lookin' for gold. Ain' no use in the damn things."
"They look good."
"Yeah, well, ain' like ya gonna be lookin' at nothin' on me anyways."
"Maybe not, but knowin' all that is quite interesting."
"Save it," Ani said, guessing he was going to try to use their conversation against Daryl or to hurt him. "Daryl already knows I don' think 'bout what I say half the time and the other half it's jus' me talkin'. He knows I'm true ta him and only him."
"Oh, but does he?"
"He does," Ani replied, the firmness in her voice and the look she leveled at him telling him she really did believe Daryl would know she remained faithful.
"Do you?"
"Ya'd have ta force 'im, and 'e ain' the kind a guy ta do that."
"Surely he's gotten handsy with you?"
"Eh, he grabbed me arms and shook me good once, grabbed me shirt and got in me face. But that's about as 'handsy' as he's gotten without meanin' ta. And by 'meanin' ta', I mean we were both bein' handsy," she told him with a smirk, earning one back. "Nah, Daryl's a good man. A good husband. He's gonna make a great daddy, too. We've had our issues, had our snags, but we always make it through."
"How long you been together? I know you've talked about it with Laura, but I'd just love to know how that happened," Negan said, bringing a chair over to her bedside and sitting down, leaning back and resting Lucille against it.
"It jus' kinda did, I guess," Ani told him, getting comfortable herself while holding Daryl's pillow. "Noticed 'im when we got ta our first camp mostly 'cause 'e and 'is brotha were the only othas that talked kinda like me. He was good with a bow and a hunta and helped me get me bow. He and 'is brotha were the only otha huntas in the group and nobody really even said thank ya ta him or Merle for what they did, though back then Merle was nothin' but a drugged up hillbilly in a hand basket. Fucka was off 'is rockas half the time on one pill or anotha. But Daryl, even for how silent 'e was, how much 'e didn' want ya lookin' at 'im or talkin' to him, damn near every day he was in the woods ta hunt. Neva asked for nothin' eitha. I dunno, spent weeks next ta him at the skinnin' station, in the woods with 'im, afta a few weeks, we would spend time at a log jus' talkin' 'bout everythin' while smokin' weed. Knew 'im a little ova a month 'fore I told 'im ta stake a claim if 'e wanted ta get pissy 'bout me wearin' a crop top 'round camp. Stake a claim and show everyone I was 'is or shut the fuck up, 'cause eitha way, he was gonna have ta deal with it. Summa in Georgia is scorchin'. Ya know, he thought I was jokin' when I told 'im that?"
"Really now? I find that hard to believe," Negan said, listening to her intently.
"Yep, scoffed and shoved me back a bit from where I'd stepped up inta him. Grabbed a bag and jus' left that camp, walked a good five miles away and set up a camp by meself."
"Seriously?" Regina asked, making Ani jump as she'd completely forgotten about the other two in the room having been enjoying herself with her conversation with Negan; it was almost like they were old friends catching up. "What did you think you could do on your own?"
"Ya'd be saprised," Ani said. "Don' judge a book by its cova. Sure ya heard that 'fore, right?"
"Yeah," Regina said with a roll of her eyes, Negan amused by the difference in how Laura and Regina already were treating Ani, Laura having gone to get them both some food.
"Well, don' judge me abilities jus' 'cause I look small and weak or 'cause Negan wants me unda watch. Bein' precautious is one thing, which is what Negan's bein'. Bein' stupid is anotha completely different obstacle, one I hope ya don' gotta climb ova or go 'round," Ani said, narrowing her eyes just a bit with the last part of her words. "I spent ten days in those woods killin' and skinnin' squirrel, foragin' for edible and medicinal herbs, even grabbed some grubs, which are a good source a protein and iron. I'm anemic, so iron is a big deal for me. Been takin' iron pills in Alexandria eva since me head 'cause D was worried 'bout me levels gettin' too low."
"D?" Negan asked amused.
"Daryl, sorry. Been tryin' not ta call 'im D since ya man said 'is name was D. Dwight, right? Man with the burned face. He's the first on me shite list and is definitely dead as soon as I can get me hands on 'im. For killin' Denny and for what 'e's doin' ta Daryl."
Regina outright laughed, though Negan sat and looked at her contemplatively as she stared back at him, "You honestly think you can kill Dwight? Hell, do you honestly think you can kill any of us?"
"If I wanna do somethin', I'll do it. That's all there is on the matta," Ani said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Back ta what we were talkin' 'bout. I spent ten days out in the woods 'fore Daryl showed up and tried draggin' me back ta camp," she said with a soft smile, hugging the pillow closer as she stifled another yawn. "Ended up havin' a bit a a tiff and told 'im I was takin' back me offa a lettin' 'im stake a claim. Come ta think a it, that's the only time he's eva been handsy with me. Picked me right up off the ground inta a soul crushin' kiss that jus' 'bout broke me right there. Spent the night in me camp jus' holdin' each otha, went huntin' a bear early the next mornin', and then jus' kinda got everythin', all the pent up frustration and tension, well, we worked it out," she ended with a smirk.
"Seriously?"
"What?" Ani asked Negan. "Ya neva got a hard on afta a hunt?"
"I'm generally hard all the time," Negan smirked, Ani huffing a chuckle and shaking her head.
"I kinda figya'd. But, yeah, got back ta camp 'fore the sun went down, left me little camp where it was so we could go back ta it from time ta time. We didn' really do much in camp, and aside from a couple times when the need jus' built ta be too much, we neva really did romp around in the woods. Spent a lot a time cuddlin' and kissin' at the log we smoked at. And when it all went ta hell there, when we started havin' ta run, we'd find time ta eitha get away or go on a run. Wasn' 'til winta set in that we even really started showin' more'n hand holdin' and huggin' ta the othas."
"Why wait so long?" Negan asked. "If you two are so in love, why hide it?"
"At first, it was 'cause a Merle; he didn' like me much 'cause I beat 'is ass down prolly the second day we were all campin' tagetha. And I was already bein' looked down on for bein' autistic and ADHD."
"So, she really is a nutcase?" Regina interrupted.
"Ya know, I think ya'd like Merle. The two a ya are the same kind a stupid and genius rolled inta one," Ani said, looking at Regina with a critical eye before nodding her head and turning back to Negan. "See what I mean? People think bein' autistic or ADHD is like bein' some kind a cripple or crazy. We ain'. It's like bein' on a scale; if a short, fat person weighs the same as a tall, fit person, that don' mean the tall person is fat or the short person is fit. For some, yeah, it's a death sentence when it comes ta tryin' ta live normally. Most a us, though, we live jus' fine like the rest a y'all, we jus' aren' that great with social interactions, we don' do well without routine, sometimes we don' talk, sometimes we fixate. I mean, we're jus' like everyone else with a few kinks thrown in that makes us seem like whackadoodles. For me, it's why I'm smarta than othas, why I think fasta, why I make connections like I do. It's why I retain information easia, why I recall it fasta, why I can learn jus' by watchin' or readin'. Why I have so much enagy and why I can fight me way past pain and exhaustion like I do when I have ta. It's also why I shutdown sometimes, why I can' talk or eat or move. Why I get so attached ta people and get clingy. Why I didn' really get emotion 'til I was an olda teen, though it's gotten a lot betta bein' with Rick and the group. Bein' with Daryl. Havin' the kittens and lookin' afta Sophia. Maybe jus' bein' pregnant in general."
"But you're a psychologist," Negan pointed out.
"Undastandin' why people feel the way they do and undastandin' what it feels like ta feel those emotions are two different things. Like, I still don' know how ta grieve. I cry if someone I care 'bout dies in front a me and then it's jus' that. They're dead. Killin' ya man, Dwight? That's not for Denny. She's dead and ain' nothin' gonna be changin' that. I'm gonna do it ta appease me own anga at the fact that she's dead."
"So you don't feel emotion?"
"Nah, I neva said that. I said that I didn' undastand emotions 'til I started bein' with the group and interactin' with 'em. I started feelin' more emotions than I cared ta when we were tagetha and then when the prison broke and we splinta'd up, I was almost devastated. If it weren' for Bobby and Catty, I would a died 'fore I eva found out Daryl was still alive," she told him before yawning again. "Sorry, kinda tired. Not been sleepin' well and that trip down ta ya market and then outside and everythin' that happened both places, I'm jus' tired."
"I can understand that. We'll talk more later," Negan said, standing and grabbing Lucille. "We'll let you get some rest. Come on, girls, let's let Sleepy get a nap."
"Ya a Disney buff, Negan?" she asked with a smirk.
"Everyone loves the classics," he told her before walking out and shutting the door, leaving Ani to burrow into Daryl's pillow, falling asleep almost immediately surrounded by Daryl's scent.