KEZZ 1: Thank you for the comment!
Sorry this chapter took a little while. My comp updated and when it updated, some of the programs got a little scrambled and had to be updated, and then when I did that, it encrypted the chapter. So, yeah, it took a little time to figure out how to get my files back and decrypt them...Thank you for your patience!
"Ya came," Ani said as she walked up to Morgan and Carol while they sat on a step together.
"I had to," Carol told her simply.
"What changed?"
"I told her what happened," Morgan said after a moment of silence as Carol sat in silence trying to figure out how to explain herself. "All of it. How Glenn was killed, you and Daryl were taken for days, how the others were killed."
"What happened ta ya ta change ya so much?" she asked after a nod of her head.
"They...The Saviors...They..."
"They killed Benjamin," Carol sighed, finishing Morgan's words for him, getting up and pulling Ani with her as she walked away.
"Benjamin? That's the kid Ezekiel said I sounded like. They killed 'im?" Ani asked.
"Shot him right in front of Ezekiel and Morgan, a few of the others. They brought him to my home but there was nothing that could be done. They shot through his artery and no amount of pressure is going to stop that kind of bleeding."
"What artery? 'Cause if it's-"
"It was the femoral. There was nothing we could do without performing a surgery we didn't have time for, let alone experience," Carol told her, cutting her off. "There was nothing we could do. I thought...I thought I could run away. I thought I could wash my hands of this. I was wrong. Ezekiel was wrong to just make a deal. Not try to fight."
"Ya both were doin' what ya thought was right," Ani said with a shrug. "Ain' nothin' wrong with that."
"I abandoned Sophia, again. I abandoned you. Daryl, Rick."
"Ma," Ani said, turning to face Carol and making her face her. "Ya were doin' what ya had ta for ya mind ta be able ta find some peace. I'd ratha ya do that then have a complete breakdown and stop carin' 'bout us at all!"
"Could that really happen?" Carol asked in concern.
"When ya dealin' with mental health issues like ya's, anythin' could happen. Hell, if somethin' really bad happens, ya could end up hurtin' us 'cause ya jus' won' care," Ani informed her. "That's why I'd ratha ya run away and make us chase ya down ta make sure ya okay."
They walked in silence for a little while before Carol changed the subject by asking, "How's the baby?"
"He's doin' great. Growin' like a weed."
"I can see that. Maggie's not even showing yet."
"She's not as far along. She's only 'bout two and a half months right now, 'bout thirteen, fourteen weeks. And 'ere I am, sittin' at twenny five-ish weeks. I didn' know I'd get this big so quick. It's only been three or so weeks and I've been growin' eva since I found out!"
"Well, they do start doubling in size weekly around this time. You should be gaining a pound or so a week now."
"Think I'm gainin' more'n that," Ani admitted. "Don' help any that Daryl keeps feedin' me fuckin' frittas and eggs."
"He's going to be a great father."
"He already is. I mean, he's been teachin' Phia mechanics and how ta cook and how ta track betta than Merle even. He plays games with 'er and Carl and can actually be a little kid sometimes when 'e's with jus' her and me. Ya've seen 'im with Judy, too. The man was built for fathahood."
"You're a great mother, then. Better than I could ever be," Carol told her, making Ani laugh.
"Ya can be a good momma, ya jus' neva had the drive ta be. Ain' nothin' wrong with that. I always wanted ta be a momma, though," Ani told her while rubbing her belly. "I'm the first ta admit that I absolutely hate bein' pregnant, but I can' fuckin' wait ta meet me boy."
"You've got a long way to go before that happens. Looks like they're lookin' for us," Carol said, pointing down the road where Daryl, Merle, Abraham, Rick, Ezekiel, Maggie, and Jesus were standing.
"Prolly need ta make some plans. Can' do nothin' if we don' get some sort a plan in place. But if we're gonna get a plan in place, we're gonna need that asshole's help again."
"Asshole?"
"Dwight. A man me, Tara, and Dwight all want fuckin' dead. He's the one that killed Denny. Tortured Daryl. Shot 'im. I hate that we're workin' with 'im. I jus' want the asshole dead."
"No you don't," Carol told her.
"Yeah, I do. Ma, I ain' got the same mind as ya do," Ani reminded her. "I jus' don'. It doesn' matta how many I kill. It doesn' matta how I kill 'em. I don' have ta feel bad 'bout it. I don' have ta count. Not anymore. I jus' gotta do what I gotta do ta keep me and mine safe. That's all that mattas in this world, keepin' me and mine safe."
"How? How can you handle it all? I just, I could never understand."
"It's jus' how me mind works, ma. Hell, it don' even work like that. I neva actually had ta keep count. I jus' did ta make it mean somethin', ya know? I didn' wanna be a monsta like me parents. I thought if I kept count, if I forced meself ta rememba everythin' that it'd matta somehow. But it don'. At the end a the day, there's so much shite I can jus' forget and neva think back on 'cause it really doesn' matta. How many I've killed, how many I will. If it keeps me people safe, me loved ones, then I don' gotta care," Ani told her as they walked up to the others. "Protectin' mine, that's what I gotta care 'bout."
"Hey, you guys okay?" Daryl asked, coming up to both of them.
"We're fine," Carol said while Ani walked up to him and gave him a hug.
"I'm jus' tired."
"Yeah, well, hope you ain't too tired. Rick wants to talk," he informed them.
"I can talk, though I wouldn' mind a chair ta do it in."
"We got you covered, Ani," Merle called out while everyone else entered Rick's house.
Ani moved over to the couch, immediately sitting down and pulling Daryl with her. Carol sat down next to Daryl while Merle leaned on the window behind them. Rick began pacing as others still came into the house, Sophia, Carl, Enid, Jerry, and several others Ani didn't recognize coming in before Morgan joined as well. Sophia sat between her and Daryl's legs until Ani folded her legs under her and leaned against Daryl, giving the girl more room on the floor in front of them. Maggie came over and squeezed their shoulders before moving to stand in front of the group with Rick. It wasn't everybody that had come nor the entirety of Alexandria, but Ani could tell that the important people were in the room in order to plan the next step.
"Do you think we can trust Dwight still?" Rick asked Daryl after a brief explanation of what resources they had available from Maggie and Ezekiel. "He could've known about the Scavengers."
"He left somethin' behind. Said he didn't know," Daryl growled out, Ani scowling as she folded her arms over her chest before adjusting them with a grimace.
"Whateva we do, we gotta decide quick. Can' have more'n a few days ta get shite tagetha. A week tops," Ani said. "Ya bet ya ass the Saviors ain' gonna be waitin' ta make their move."
"Should we choose to strike, it shall be as a united front," Ezekiel stated. "We know of at least two outposts. Gavin's, who I made a foolish deal with in my haste to protect my people. And Simon's outpost, which terrorizes the Hilltop."
"There's a third, but I don' know where it is," Ani told them. "It's headed by a lady named Regina."
"So three outposts. And you know nothing about where the other outpost is?" Rick asked.
"She didn' talk much 'bout 'erself. Most I could tell is she's an ex-soldier who's good at followin' ordas and has a no bullshite attitude. Didn' like it when she was told ta take care a me by Negan when Laura was gettin' too close."
"Is there anything else you can tell us about the people there?" Maggie asked her. "You spent the most time interacting with them. You have to be able to give us somethin'."
"Simon's a wildcard. I neva was able ta get a read on 'im when 'e was 'round. He liked bein' 'round me, though. Brought me a teddy bear for the baby that I left there. Laura has medical trainin', so we want 'er on our side, 'specially now that we don' know how Carson's doin'. We'll need 'er. Like I said, Regina's an ex-soldier and I neva met Gavin. Heard 'bout 'im, though, kinda. Regina said 'e's a snivelin' little shite bag. Only thing she said when I pressed was that 'e was too soft," Ani said with a shrug.
"Gavin dislikes violence," Ezekiel informed them. "He offered a deal to the Kingdom for the sole reason that he wished to avoid bloodshed. Even now, he would rather bargain and maintain our deal than attempt conflict."
"The workers don't live in the same area as the soldiers," Daryl told them. "They live on the ground floor. You still got those maps?" he asked Sophia with a nudge of his knee to her shoulder.
"Yeah, plus the one Beth made," she answered while pulling three different maps out. "Mine aren't as good as Beth's, but they show what I saw of the inside."
"Give 'em here. I'll add what I can," Daryl told her.
Sophia handed the papers over to Daryl, who sat up and leaned forward, placing them on the table in front of him. Rick found him a pencil to work with and with Ani's help, he added everything he knew to the map. The leaders had a decent idea of both the inside and outside of the compound, what buildings they could put lookouts or snipers in, and where the workers versus the soldiers lived. Ani explained the conditions the workers were kept in and how many would likely either stand down during a fight or could be persuaded to fight alongside the colonies. She didn't think it would take much persuasion either seeing as how if they got rid of the soldiers for the workers, the workers' lives would only improve, especially since the colonies could provide the workers with the same thing the Saviors did, which was just protection. Fear of both the living and the dead alongside Negan's iron-fisted control was the only reason they all stayed where they were rather than trying to find a better life elsewhere.
"We gotta move fast, like Ani said," Rick told them. "They have weapons. They have munitions. With Eugene, they could have any number of defense mechanisms in place."
"Not really," Ani countered. "Eugene might be smarta than most, but 'e ain' formally trained and gets most a what 'e knows outta books. Bein' book smart can only get ya so far. We could prolly get 'round most a it by preppin' defense a our own."
"I agree with the Lady Ani," Ezekiel said, making Ani snort before chuckling. "Sometimes the best offense is that which employs defense."
"I...I ain'...I ain' sayin' that at all," Ani laughed. "I'm sayin' that we gotta prepare for bein' shot at if we're gonna shoot."
"Well, we got cars," Merle cut in. "And we've got all that metal from the mall. Get some help over at the Hilltop with their blacksmith. More hands we have to help, faster we can get something rigged up."
"He's right. It won't stop any heavy artillery, but the metal we use for the wall will hold against rifle fire and the like," Abraham agreed. "Make small holes for sights, give 'em shit all to aim at while they're eatin' our rounds."
"Nah, we don' wanna waste the ammo like that. Chances are, they can reload their guns fasta than we can reload ours," Ani said. "They got Eugene, so they got the bullet maka a our group."
"So what do you suggest?"
"Well, what ya said with the armor for cars, definitely. But if we're goin' in guns blazin', we need ta know what we're lookin' ta go against. We're gonna have ta find a way ta talk ta that asshole and find out what 'e knows. And we gotta get it all done in less than a week. It ain' gonna take long for the Saviors ta rally their forces. Might take 'em a week, tops," Ani said. "Negan ain' gonna sit 'round with 'is thumb up 'is ass. He ain' gonna sit there and attack first thing, but 'e ain' gonna be sittin' on 'is ass eitha. I ain' sure what 'e's gonna be doin', but 'e's gotta be gettin' 'is big bosses gatha'd 'round and figyarin' this shite out like we are."
"The herd," Sasha said while turning to Rick. "The one from the highway, do you think we can use that?"
"Maybe," Rick agreed while nodding his head. "But we'd need to find a way to guide them there."
"There's that weapons cache from Richard," Daryl suggested. "And we got, like, six boxes of explosives from Oceanside. We could use that. Use the fire to lure 'em towards the Sanctuary."
"Sounds like a plan."
"We need ta find out where they're keepin' their lookouts 'round the Sanctuary," Ani said, pointing to the map. "We know there's watches posted here, here, and here, but we don' know where they're watchin' the roads. We're gonna need an element a saprise if we're gonna pull this off, so we can' have any lookouts findin' out we're comin'."
"That means talkin' to Dwight," Rick agreed before turning to Daryl. "Think you're up for it?"
"Gotta be," he responded as he sat back on the couch, putting his arm across Ani's lap to rest it on her folded calves.
"Alright, first things first, then," Rick told them all. "Daryl, you head to the Sanctuary, try to get Dwight and find out what he knows. In the meantime, we set up the teams. Alexandria, Hilltop, and the Kingdom. We make sure the walkers are lured to the Sanctuary, get 'em trapped behind their walls, then, we'll each take on an outpost."
"If ya goin' in like that, ya gonna need some medic teams," Ani said. "I'd say Phia, Beth, and I, but Beth's been shot and I don' really want ta put Phia in an open battlefield."
"I can handle it," Sophia said defiantly.
"I know ya could, but I need ya here, lookin' afta our people," Ani told her. "I need ta know ya safe, not worryin' 'bout ya while I'm out there. That's the whole reason I'm takin' a back burna role in this whole play, too," she explained sadly. "I'm jus' gonna be playin' the doc and hangin' as far back as I can while everyone else does the fightin'. I can' be doin' me job as a medic if ya out there too. I jus' can' focus right if I'm worryin' 'bout ya, okay?"
"Okay," Sophia agreed. "But you'll take Pops with you, right?"
"Hell yeah, kid. She ain't goin' anywhere without me," Merle told them all. "I'm sittin' this one out too so I can keep an eye on her."
"We're gonna do the same," Sasha said, Abraham nodding his head beside her.
"Nah, I need ya at-"
"Naw, sounds good," Daryl cut her off. "You promised," he warned.
"Fine," she relented.
"Alright," Rick agreed.
"We have a few doctors at the Kingdom. While they are not as skilled at fighting as the rest, they are skilled enough that I am confident that with the help of a few guards, they will not fail in their duties," Ezekiel informed them.
"So we've got this part planned out. Tomorrow, we start sending cars over to the Hilltop with the metal plates. Daryl, you go to the Sanctuary. Try to find Dwight and get him to talk. We need to know where that other outpost is, and anything else we can get from him."
"Alright," Daryl said.
"I'm goin' with ya," Ani told him, seeing him making a face and going to open his mouth before she decided to cut him off. "I gotta see with me own eyes that the asshole is tellin' the truth. I don' want 'im swindlin' ya."
"You think he's gonna trick me?" he asked her with a bit of heat in his tone.
"I think 'e's gonna keep usin' 'is girl helpin' ya against ya. And I don' wanna take the chance. I'm sorry, D. I know it sounds like I don' trust ya, but honestly, ya jus' so damn honorable I don' want it fuckin' used against ya," she explained, taking his hand and kissing his palm.
"She's right," Merle said. "Which is why I'm goin' too."
"No," "naw," and "nah," were all said at the same time by Rick, Daryl, and Ani before Rick continued. "We need you at Hilltop workin' with the blacksmith. You and Abraham both. You said it yourself, the more hands workin', the faster we can get this done."
"Well, I mean, 'e ain'-"
"Shut your trap 'fore I smack yer head, girl," Merle growled out. "One more damn comment about my missin' hand and I'm gonna-"
"Merle!" Daryl yelled, about ready to attack his brother for his threats before half the room started chuckling at the antics, Ani included.
"Alright. Sasha, Jesus? Why don't you go with Daryl and Ani? Keep watch while they do what they gotta do with Dwight?" Rick suggested, gaining affirmatives back from the pair. "The four of you need to do head out shortly."
"Nah, we can head out in the mornin'," Ani told them. "We go right now, we're lookin' at watched roads, possibly a gatharin' we can' take on. Too many risks. Should be able ta go first thing in the mornin', 'fore the sun comes up. Ya said that's when 'e takes up a guard shift?" she asked Merle.
"From what I saw," he replied. "We only kept watch over a night or two. Ain't no way of knowin' if it's every night or if he was just coverin' for someone."
"Well, we gotta try," Daryl replied. "Ain't no other way to do this."
"Yeah," Rick agreed with a sigh. "We need what he knows. Once we have that, we'll figure out our next step."
"The next step is jus' like ya said, we take teams ta each outpost and take 'em out. Hilltop and Alexandria don' have 'nough fighta's 'tween 'em ta take an outpost on by 'emselves, so we'll be needin' reinforcement from the Kingdom. Do ya think ya could provide that?" Ani asked Ezekiel.
"You shall have all that you need," he told her with a nod.
"Thank you," Rick said. "We should all get some rest. There are plenty of houses, rooms, where Hilltop and Kingdom can stay for the night. Tomorrow, like I said, we roll out, get cars up to the Hilltop, start preppin' them. Once we get that information, we'll set up the teams and strategize our plans."
They all left the house, Rick and Carl heading back to the infirmary. Daryl pulled Ani out of the house and towards theirs, although he was stomping along like a bull on a rampage. When they got to the porch, he dropped her hand and stalked off to a corner of the porch as Ani just gave Sophia a look. Sophia got the hint and walked inside the house so that they could have a moment alone. As Daryl lit up a smoke, Ani walked up behind him and ran her hand up his back before stepping up to him and holding him from behind.
"Ya know I trust ya," she told him.
"Sure as hell don't seem like it," he growled out.
"Baby, it's not you I don' trust. It's that I don' trust 'im not ta play on how noble ya can be."
"I ain't noble."
"Hell yeah, ya are," she countered, gently making him turn to look at her. "Neva once did ya eva stop ta think 'bout what ya were doin'. Ya always were tryin' ta help everyone else since the beginnin', even when no one thought nothin' a ya. Ya provided for the camp, for the prison, helped people savive. Ya have a heart a fuckin' gold, Daryl. That's part a the reason I fell in love with ya. I jus' don' wan this asshole usin' that against ya, usin' the fact that 'is wife, not 'im, but 'is wife, helped ya escape. I don' trust 'im not ta try. And I know ya know how ta tell when someone's lyin', but, babe, I gotta be there. I gotta be able ta watch for tells. We have ta be a hundred percent sure he can be trusted. We ain' gonna be able ta bring 'im back 'ere for this. We're gonna have ta talk ta him somewhere out there, possibly somewhere where we're gonna have ta be on alert for Saviors. We can' take the risk tryin' ta get 'im back 'ere."
"So you're gonna take the risk of goin' out there?"
"Ain' really a risk with Sasha and Jesus taggin' along. I'll stay back with one or both a them while ya grab Dwight and bring 'im ta us. I...I don' really wanna go near that place. It's the damn yellow house all ova again. But ya know the worst a it all?" she asked, resting her head on his chest to listen to his heart beat as he finished his smoke, his hands snaking around her.
"What's that?" he asked gently.
"We win this fight, I'm gonna have ta go back."
"What?" he asked, pushing her away.
"The people there. Afta bein' terrorized by Negan, the soldias and the way they've lived and thought, that place is gonna need someone like me, a shrink, ta help the people adjust," Ani said while looking up at him. "I don' want ta go back, but I ain' gonna jus' turn me back on all them people who could othawise be a help ta everyone. If we're gonna do this ta give us a betta life, we gotta help them make a betta life too."
"What happened to not carin' 'bout no one but ours? Not helpin' no one but ours?"
"Ya see how long I kept ta that. Damn near the next day afta I said it, I'm helpin' Zeke figya out 'is herb garden, then I do the same damn thing at the Hilltop," she scoffed, stepping back into him.
"Knew you wouldn't stop. Talk 'bout me bein' all noble. Look at what you've done," he told her, wrapping an arm around her again.
"Ain' 'cause I wanna. I jus' can' fuckin' stop meself."
"Yeah," he said, tucking her under his chin and just holding her. "Well, sometimes it's better than if you didn't. Might've helped make the Kingdom stronger, same with the Hilltop."
"Yeah, but that could be a bad thing in the long run. What if they try ta take ova Alexandria?"
"They won't."
"But what if they do?"
"Ania, they won't. Maggie's in charge of the Hilltop. Carol and Morgan have the King's ear. We'll be fine, baby girl."
"I hope ya right," she sighed. "I hated taday. I ain'...I can' be a part a the fight like that. It was supposed ta be an easy win, and instead it was a damn fiasco from start ta finish. We got damn lucky everyone decided ta show up when they did."
"I know. When you started pullin' away, I couldn't get to you. Neither could Merle."
"I don' know how far I'd a gotten if it weren' for Abe. I owe him a cold beer. Or some moonshine. Or a box a cigars. Whicheva I find first."
Daryl sighed, "Come on. Gotta get some sleep 'fore we get up tomorrow."
"Yeah, I suppose," Ani said, looking up at him. "I'm sorry for makin' ya doubt me trust in ya."
"Well, I guess I wouldn't much want you talkin' to someone who tortured you alone, either," he gruffed out, though they both knew he was still a bit sore about the whole situation. "C'mon."
~x~
"Gods, I wish 'e would hurry up," Ani said as she paced back and forth through the mechanic shop.
"He'll be back soon enough," Sasha assured her. "Jesus went with him. They'll be fine."
"Ugh, I'm gonna be sick."
"Do it in the corner if you gotta," Sasha told her, "but you're just worrying yourself over nothing. They'll be back so take a breath. They haven't even been gone an hour. You knew it might take some time."
"I hate this."
"Girl, if I hear you complain one more time, I'm gonna give myself to the walkers."
"Sorry, Sasha. It's jus'...'tween the dreams, the hormones, the fact that bein' pregnant sucks...Bein' so close ta that place. Ta Negan. I don' like it and it's makin' me skin crawl."
"Well, you gotta stop thinking about it."
"Hun, if I could stop me brain from thinkin', I'd have a much, much different life," Ani joked before turning serious again. "I wish I could shut it off from time ta time. Wouldn' spend so much time thinkin' 'bout shite that don' matta."
"Like?"
"Nothin' much."
"Ani, you always say we're your family, so talk to me," Sasha told her, giving her a concerned look. "You both mentioned a letter from your mother, but you never said what was in it."
"'Cause all that was in it was a bunch a bullshite. I mean, I can admit, yeah, I got a dark streak. Like, I kept count ta make it mean somethin'. Ta make me rememba what I'd done an why. But I don' gotta. 'Cause who it was don' mean shite. I'll always do what I gotta ta keep me family safe."
"And you have," Sasha said, coming over to put a hand on her arm as Ani wrapped them around herself.
"I know. It's jus'...it's jus'...I had an olda brotha that was like me, apparently," Ani admitted. "Died 'fore me momma got 'ere, but 'e was like me. She said that if she'd a been ta him like she was ta me, maybe he'd a lived. Same with me sista. I dunno...I jus'...me mind is wondarin' if she's right while I know, I know, she's jus' a bitch who don' know what it means ta be a momma. But then I sit there and wonda what the hell it takes ta be a momma and whetha or not I'm gonna be able ta be a good one and whetha Little D is gonna be in good hands. And what happens if I can' handle the cryin'? What happens if me mind jus' says no? I'm...I'm scared I'm gonna end up like them."
"Impossible," Sasha told her with a soft smile. "Look at how you are with Sophia. How you are with Judith. Yeah, her crying gets to you sometimes, but you're always the first to go comfort her if she starts and you're in the room. I can't imagine you're going to be any different when it comes to your baby. You were made for being a mom."
"Nah, I wasn'. I jus'...," Ani stopped and chuckled, causing Sasha to join her when she said, "do what I gotta."
"And that's how I know you're gonna be a great mom," Sasha reaffirmed causing Ani to smirk and roll her eyes. "You will be. 'Cause that's what you gotta do. And you know it."
"Yeah, that's true. 'Sides, I know all that otha shite she said was jus' bullshite," Ani told her. "Ya don' have ta hit a kid ta-"
They both quieted down when a can outside sounded like it was kicked, crouching behind a couple of cars with guns drawn. A couple tense minutes passed by before the back door to the garage opened and three men walked in. Ani couldn't help but draw a deep breath before blowing it out in a relieved sigh as she put her gun away and walked over to Daryl. She waited until he had Dwight sitting on a crate before she actually went over to him and wrapped her arms around him, trying to quell her racing heart. She only stayed in his arms for a moment, though, as Jesus began telling Dwight what they needed from him. Daryl pressed a kiss to her temple before moving to begin pacing back and forth in front of Dwight. Both Daryl and Ani were watching the man like hawks watching prey, ready to take action at the first sign of dishonesty or aggression.
"You know about the satellite station and the chemical plant, right?" he asked, Jesus responding that they did. "Regina's in charge of the Shepard Plaza station. It used to be an insurance company but we turned it into an outpost to keep track of a library colony that was doin' really good until they decided they didn't want nothin' to do with it. Negan wasn't in charge back then," he told them. "Simon was."
"Okay, so what?"
"So it's the closest to Alexandria," he stated simply. "Only a couple miles away. If you got a map and some paper, I can point out where the outpost is, the lookouts, everything. I want this ended."
"Give us what you've got."
By the time they left the mechanic's garage, they had a list of everything they needed to gain the upper hand on the Saviors. Dwight was given a chance to leave of his own free will even though he had to move fast in order to duck from the can of WD-40 Ani chucked at his head. She still wasn't happy that they were letting the man live, but the fact of the matter was that if his information was correct, she couldn't kill him either. Whatever happened to Dwight would be up to Daryl when all was said and done and she would simply have to trust that he would make the right decision.