Chapter 22 - Heart

Cor looked at the way Prompto and Eira were talking casually. Both of them were smiling, sometimes the laughter escaped from their lips. Meanwhile, Cor stayed behind, watching them with a spark of jealousy he didn't want to admit.

"Ah, this one right?" Eira stopped walking then looked behind to the marshal who was lost in thought. She pointed at a signboard above her which gained Cor's attention to look at it.

Izakaya Furusato

"Yes." Cor nodded.

"Prompto, you really can't join us for dinner?" Eira asked, looking at Prompto while slightly curling her lips.

"Yeah… I'm sorry… I promised to come home for dinner…" Prompto scratched the back of his head.

It was a shame that Prompto couldn't join the dinner. It would be nice for him to get used around Cor and dinner certainly could help in making him comfortable around the marshal. But, Cor couldn't force him. Thus, he said, "Be careful."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you." Prompto bowed.

"See you next week, Prompto!" Eira waved her hand.

Prompto gave a soft laugh then also waved his hand. After giving a last bow to Cor, he excused himself and walked toward the subway station not far from there.

"Ah… I already miss his lively chatter." Eira muttered. "It's really quiet without him."

An unpleasant thud knocked Cor's chest after hearing Eira's thoughts about the crownsguard cadet. But, he pretended that he wasn't engulfed in jealousy.

"Let's get in." He opened the door, looking at Eira who then gave a smile at him.

"Thank you." She walked in.

It was already a habit. Cor always opened the door for her, and she would say her gratitude with an adorable smile on her face while entering the restaurant. At first, Eira sometimes reached the door handle, and he always managed to stop her. The marshal didn't want to let his crush open the door for him.

Cor followed soon as she stepped inside. Closing the door behind him, he then looked at the staff who welcomed them.

"Non-smoking," Cor said.

The waitress bowed then led the way in.

The atmosphere was not too different from other izakaya, or the one they usually visit. Yellow-ish lamps, wooden themes, some menus on the wall, and loud laughter from the guests as they enjoyed their beer and tobacco.

However, as they walked to the other room, there was a huge window that gave them the sight of a small garden adorned by a cherry blossom tree. It was May already and most of the flowers had already fallen. But some of them were still there, thus the tree was the color of both green and pink.

Good thing that there was an empty seat next to the window. And after sitting on his chair, Cor looked back to the garden. There was a little pond in the middle, and some rock lanterns that gave off faint yet calming light.

"Ah, it's pretty," said Eira, after taking a seat across from him. Looking at the garden, a smile passed over her face.

Glad that he searched for good izakaya around the shooting range. Using the internet wasn't Cor's expertise, yet, he managed to open his dusty five-years-old computer and find out about it. It was just because he wanted to treat Eira in the nicest place. Also, even though it wasn't rare, an izakaya with a non-smoking room was rather hard to find. Last week, they randomly entered an izakaya without a non-smoking room, and Cor felt bad about it. He offered to leave and find another restaurant, but Eira insisted that she was okay. Therefore, not wanting to repeat another mistake, Cor did some research for today's dinner.

Now, he just hoped that the food was also good.

"Marshal… Ah, um… Cor… How do you know a good place like this?" Eira asked.

Cor let out an inaudible gasp. Clearing his throat, he then replied, "Friend's recommendation."

He lied, and he usually stupid for the lie. But he was too embarrassed to tell her that he researched it using "Izakaya near the Quicksilver shooting range with a non-smoking room, delicious food, and tebasaki in the menu, not too far" as keywords in search engine site.

"The view is relaxing." She glanced again at the garden with a smile on her tiny face.

Ah, how adorable her smile was. After a few seconds, she looked back to Cor then said, "Let's see what they have."

"Yeah." Cor tried hard not to be restless. He took the menu in front of him then began to read it.

They ordered the food, and it didn't take a long time for it to be served to their table. And just like what they usually did, they talked as they ate.

They were going to go home by subway-or taxi, depending on the situation-, hence Cor didn't hold himself from drinking tonight. After asking the waiter for another glass of beer, Cor looked at Eira who was smiling in content.

"You know? I like seeing it when you don't hold yourself from drinking," Eira said, before sipping her favorite drink-oolong tea. Never once that she didn't order it in an izakaya or any family restaurant. Ah, except the time at the conveyor-belt sushi restaurant where they provided green tea on the table-there was a hot water tap in every seat. Just at that time she didn't order oolong tea.

"But, being unable to drive is a bit impractical," Cor said.

"Go home by taxi, and you can just relax in the passenger seat." She chuckled. Moving her chopstick, she took her tebasaki and bit it.

"I can't relax if someone else drives me." Cor also took another bit of his dinner.

Gulping, she replied. "Ah, right. I'm going to take driving class. Let's see… What if I drive you home, instead?"

Cor chuckled. "No."

"Can't leave your life in my hands, it seemed?"

Cor almost choked. He gave an amused laugh. "Tell me that you're joking."

She giggled, "Not really."

"But, I'm sure I'll be worried if you drive alone at night. Knowing that you're going home alone by taxi and subway is already enough to make me anxious. Now, you're going to drive by yourself without any crownsguard to accompany you?"

"Cor," she pouted. "My dad is totally okay with that, though."

Cor sighed.

Now he just wanted to go to William and yelled at him. Looking at her, Cor wondered if her tiny legs could reach the pedal. Oh the Six, he was so worried. He couldn't imagine if something happened to her as she drove alone. How could William let her drive?

Right, Cor should try to trust her. She was eighteen, a responsible young woman who certainly would drive safely. The King even trusted Prince Noctis to drive, why couldn't he trust her? Moreover, she didn't even need his permission to learn driving. Cor wasn't even her uncle, not even her family.

"When will the driving lesson begin?" he asked.

"Next week. Oh, and it's on Sunday. So it won't affect Prompto's training."

Cor raised a brow. Parting his lips, he was ready to respond only to be delayed by the waiter who brought another glass of beer for him. He then took a sip, before clearing his throat then said, "Working as a medic on weekdays, joining me in this shooting training on Saturday, and now driving lesson on Sunday. Not having much free time, huh?"

"Hmm?" Eira tilted her head. "This is how I use my free time, though. Shooting is a good way to relieve stress and refresh my head from my paper."

"Paper? You're in the middle of writing your paper?" Cor frowned.

"Yes." She nodded.

"That's impressive. You should need a lot of rest."

"It's alright! I get enough sleep." She took a bite of her tebasaki again.

"That's good, then." Cor smiled.

The conversation between them never reached its end. The topics kept coming on and they moved from one topic to the other seamlessly. Seemed like there was nothing in the world that couldn't be discussed between them. And that was why Cor really loved to talk with her.

Sometimes it was about her. And sometimes it was about him. Sometimes it was about what was going on in Eos. Everything. From a simple thing like a juice in the citadel vending machine, to the current political state. The only thing they never talked about was their work. Cor wasn't supposed to talk about crownsguard activity anyway. And Eira's job required her to keep her patients' treatment confidential.

Until suddenly Cor talked about Prompto, "What do you think about Prompto?"

"He's a fast learner! I think he'll be ready to handle an smg or even a bazooka next week."

"Oh…" Cor looked down to his oden. That wasn't the answer he wanted from her.

Eira blinked, noticing the change in Cor's expression. "Hmm? What's wrong?"

"No…" he placed his chopstick then scratched his head, "I mean… not about that…"

"What do you mean?" she tilted her head.

"Isn't he a nice man?"

"Yes, he is! He really has a bright personality. He's so cute, right? Oh, and I'm sure that he'll be a good crownsguard!"

No. Not that.

"No… I mean…" Cor cleared his throat then looked at her, "Do you like him?"

Eira froze. The food she was holding fell from her chopstick and landed in her bowl. "Like him?"

"I just remembered that you said you don't have a boyfriend, and I think you suit him."

Fuck Cor. Fuck. Hell were you saying?!

Cor cursed himself. He then avoided her gaze and looked down to the wooden table in front of him. Why did his mouth keep talking like that? What was he suggesting?

Cor didn't understand himself. Also, talking about romance with his crush? And worst, suggesting her to get a boyfriend while he was jealous seeing her with the young man he was suggesting her with?

No, he wasn't drunk. It couldn't be. It was just his third glass. Third. And it would take more than mere beer to make him drunk.

"Suit him?" she muttered.

"Yes."

"But… I don't see him that way," she added.

Cor quickly raised his head to look at her. He gulped.

There were weird feelings in his chest. He was relieved. He was glad that she didn't like Prompto in a way he thought she did. The marshal was afraid to hear that she actually had a crush on Prompto, and that probably Prompto had the same feelings toward her and they would turn into a couple. He was afraid that Prompto would snatch her away from him. He was restless.

But now, even though he was supposed to be relieved, he couldn't be. He just stained the atmosphere between them, from the pleasant one to the awkward one.

Looking at Eira, he watched her putting down her chopstick and taking her oolong tea. She bit the straw with her lips and sipped it. And after that, she didn't put it back on its coaster. She placed it right on her front while her hand began to play with the straw, swirling it even though there was no sugar in it.

Fuck, Cor.

He then gulped his beer. Wishing that it could calm his head. But unfortunately, it couldn't.

"So… You don't like him, huh? Romantically…" Fuck, Cor. He cleared his throat, then forced a laugh, "What a shame… You two seems so close, though."

He wished he didn't talk about Prompto. He wished he didn't talk about romance with her. It really destroyed the mood tonight.

"Seems so close?" She raised her head and looked at Cor.

"Yeah… I never saw you that close with any man like that."

"Never?"

"Yes."

Eira looked at Cor. Her hand stopped swirling the straw. Her lips parted. And Cor could notice that her eyes were glistened in… tears?

Fuck.

She then gave a dry laugh. "Actually... There's a man I'm really close with…"

Thud.

"Huh?" Cor still frowned, wondering what's the continuation of her words. It was unpleasant. He was so restless. What was with this situation? He didn't like it.

"... and I really like him," she chuckled, then continued to swirl her tea. "Romantically…"

It felt like the air was so cold. Yet, both of his hands were so sweaty.

His heart was racing before he knew it. He was nervous about what would happen next. He could no longer enjoy his dinner.

"Oh? Wow… That's the first time I heard about it. Is he also a crownsguard?"

Eira stopped moving her hand again then looked back at him.

For whatever reason… she looked so… sad….

She then gave a wry smile and softly said, "It's you."

And it felt like time had stopped.

"It's you."

Those two words echoed in his head. It felt like the world was currently spinning. The noise from the izakaya they were currently in had disappeared. Everything blurred. From the garden outside, until the people on the next table. It seemed that all of them disappeared into the darkness and it was only Cor and Eira in this world.

Her words were like thunder, and he was just being electrocuted. He was stunned, having all the strength disappear from his body.

"It's you."

All of this time, he was the one that she liked, romantically.

It meant that his feeling toward her wasn't a one sided love.

But… He couldn't be happy with it.

He couldn't.

He shouldn't.

"Eira…" he called her. But what for? He didn't even know what to say. What he knew was that all of the words disappeared before it reached his throat.

Cor stared at her who also gazed back at him. She was determined, he knew it. She didn't lift her gaze from him. Just staring straight, deeply into his eyes, demanding a response from him.

She just confessed her feelings.

She just did.

And Cor knew he should give a proper response about it. Whether he accepted her feelings or not.

He wanted to.

He really did.

He loved her. He had loved her for months. But now, this feeling had burdened him.

It was enough for him just being by her side like this. Just as coworkers who loved to have dinner together.

Even though sometimes he wished to be her lover. He knew that it was impossible. And he thought that it was enough to be like this.

But now, she stated that Cor was the one she liked romantically.

And then, everything would never be the same anymore.

Cor took his beer and chugged it. Placing it back to the table a bit roughly so that it made a loud thud, he wiped his lips with the back of his hand. He looked back at her, toward the pair of beautiful black eyes that reflected his figure.

"Eira… Are you joking?" Good. What a bad way to respond.

"No, Cor." She gave a pause then continued, "I love you. I really do."

Cor gulped. There was gravity in her tone. Her eyes were sharp, showing that she wasn't joking.

The marshal gave off a deep sigh.

"There's nothing good in loving an old man like me." Cor said. "You deserve someone younger… Someone's your age."

It wasn't even the thing he wanted to say...

"No…" Eira shook her head then whispered while looking down, "I don't need someone else…"

"Eira…" Cor rubbed his face. "I can't return your feelings."

"Do you hate me?" She asked. Her voice was quivering, and it pierced him in guilt.

"No…"

"Do you love me?"

Another sigh leaving his throat. Now, the pain tormented him. He answered, "It's not about that…"

"How do you feel about me?" She raised her head then stared at him again. Her eyes were...menacing.

Cor bit the inner side of his mouth, feeling threatened. Or, he was just afraid to tell her his own feelings.

He couldn't.

He just… couldn't.

This was so wrong… This was so wrong…

He should have built a stronger fortress a long time ago. He shouldn't let his feelings take control of his actions. He shouldn't let her get closer to him.

Now that she was too close… and he was going to destroy her.

It was his fault. He could've prevented them from being close. But he was the one who brought them closer.

"Eira… I'm sorry…" he looked down.

Clenching his fist, he stabbed his own palm with his nails. Trying not to think about anything else and just perceiving the slight pain on his skin. As he hoped it would help him to forget the ache in his heart.

"Is it a one-sided love?" She asked.

Thud.

Cor gulped. His fists were trembling as he struggled to restrain his emotion.

Thud.

Even his heartbeat was painful.

"Eira…" he couldn't answer. He couldn't lie. He didn't want to lie.

But, if he told her the truth, would it be a false hope?

"Just that… Please answer me…" she pleaded.

Shutting his eyes, he took a deep breath then raised his head to look at her again. A line of tears was slipping down to her cheek. And he really wanted to punch himself in the face for making her cry.

"It's not…" he muttered.

She gave a dry chuckle. "Can I be happy just by that?"

Cor didn't answer. He tightly shut his lips while biting the inner side of his mouth again, until he perceived the iron taste on his tongue.

"If only I were born earlier…" a wry smile was drawn on her face. She pinched her straw again, swirling the tea slowly before taking a sip again.

She then stood up and took her bag, "I'm going to the bathroom."

Cor could only see her as she walked away. And when she disappeared to the other room, Cor still didn't move his gaze.

He kept staring to the end of the room. Looking straight without actually focusing his gaze on anything.

He didn't realize that it was already more than half an hour until his phone beep and he read the message.

[ I'm sorry. My stomach hurts. I'm leaving first. Thank you for the dinner~! (⑅•ᴗ•⑅) ]

Cor sighed. Massaging his temple, he didn't know what he should do right now.

Until he got another message from her.

[ Don't mind the conversation~! It's okay~! ]

But he knew that it was a lie.

Author's note : goodbye fluff