Chapter 24 - Days
Sunday
Loud thudding sound echoed inside the crownsguard training room in the citadel. Thudding, thudding, snapping; accompanied by yell and scream. A certain marshal was there, punching the black heavy bag over and over. He panted heavily, sweat drenched his entire body. But the man didn't stop, even though he had been there for an hour, or more.
His blue eyes filled with anger, and he let out his anger in every punch he made. He screamed. He yelled. Keep hitting the bag as if it was a human he wanted to torture.
Himself.
He imagined he was hitting himself. Bleeding him out and killing him.
He landed another punch.
For hurting her.
And another punch.
For making her cry.
And another.
For breaking her heart.
"Hhhhrrrrgh!" One last punch and he finally stopped. He panted heavily, eyes glaring at the punching bag which swayed back and forth. Cor took off his gloves then threw them to the floor before rubbing his face.
A long desperate sigh escaped his throat. He raised his head, looking at the ceiling for a while before glancing at the small windows at the end of the room. Sun ray had slipped inside the training room, telling him that he really spent his night without sleeping for a blink. Yes, he hadn't been sleeping at all since yesterday. Since the night he broke the heart of a young woman he fell in love with. The young woman he shouldn't be with.
Taking his gloves, Cor walked to the nearest bench and sat on it. His elbows were on his thighs, head dropped down with both palms on his forehead. Another long heavy sigh slipped out from his lips.
Last night, after Eira left the izakaya, Cor stayed there, asking for more beer and ended up ordering shochu. He stayed there, drinking alone, staring at the beautiful garden which didn't please his eyes anymore. Until it was three in the morning and he decided to find fresh air.
He left, walking alone in the city he swore to protect, sluggishly, like a loser, which he was.
It was already spring, but still, the wind at night—or dawn, he didn't care what time it was—was freezing. Oh well, he was burning though, so, it was actually good for him. Refreshing, even though there was a wound in his soul.
Cor didn't realize it when he was already in front of the citadel. He didn't want to go home, just to lay on the bed and mope about fate. And there he was, punching the heavy bag as he let out his anger.
This was the first time for him to feel something like this. Hurt. Wounded. Bleeding. Crushed. Destroyed.
As he was already falling too deep in his feelings toward a certain young woman—or to be exact, a teenage girl—who stole his heart. He kept thinking of her as "a young woman", the way he denied the fact that she was actually "a teenager". Just to soften his guilt, and to pretend that what he felt was not that bad.
A few hours ago she stated that she loved him. He should've been happy. Hei, that meant that they loved each other. But, he realized that it shouldn't happen. They shouldn't be together.
And that was the end of their story. Just like that.
He chuckled. If Cor accepted her love, probably people would stop calling him "the Immortal" and they would change his moniker as "the Immoral". Right, Immoral. Loving a young woman who wasn't even half his age. Immoral.
But he couldn't do anything. He couldn't accept her feelings. They couldn't be a couple. It wasn't about his reputation: a marshal of the crownsguard, having an affair with a teenage girl, who's also the daughter of a royal council member. Hell, he didn't care about it.
It was about her. No way her parents would let their daughter have a relationship with an old man like him. Cor was just five years younger than William. Five fucking years. He could be her father. It was so wrong.
What would people do to her when they knew it? What would her friends think about her?—unknown to Cor that they totally supported Eira with him, unfortunately.
She deserved someone else, someone younger, who wouldn't die years before her and let her be alone and suffered. Cor wasn't young, and certainly he would leave years before her. And he's the marshal, the battlefield is his workplace. He could die anytime and probably would fail to go home. No way could he let his woman cry over his dead body.
That was also the reason why he was never eager to establish any relationship for years. All the relationships he had weren't serious, and none of them lasted long. So, probably if he did accept her feelings, their relationship wouldn't last long either.
Also, he thought that perhaps she was just confused with her feelings. They were close—his fault for accepting her invitation and also for asking her for dinner too often—, and then she fell in love with him because there were no other men around her but him. It was all because of his selfish desire to be close with her…
It was his fault…
Now he made her cry. He broke her heart. He hurt her. And Cor couldn't forgive himself. That his mere wish to be close to her was the one who crushed her.
.
.
.
Cor gasped as he opened his eyes. He just fell asleep. On the bench in the empty crownsguard training room.
Quickly getting up while scratching his head, he looked at the clock on a wall and sighed when its shortest hand pointed at nine. Good thing no one visited the training room, yet. Sometimes Ignis or Gladio came on Sunday, dragging the prince along to have supplementary training.
He didn't want to see any crownsguard member catch him in his awful state.
Dragging his feet to the shower room, Cor took a brief shower before finally deciding to go home.
Sigh…
How many times Cor sighed today?
He shut the door and turned on the lamp in his living room. He looked at a certain spot, next to his coffee table. And then his mind wandered to a memory from the past.
Eira was standing there, right in front of him after she finished casting her healing spell. She was so adorable, so alluring, so enchanting. Cor was almost tripped to unforgivable sin. He wanted to kiss her, to pull her inside his arms, to taste her warmth, to shower her with all of his love.
Now she would never visit him anymore.
He scoffed, then strode toward his room. He only stayed outside for a night, but it felt like it had been forever since he left. He was so tired, and seeing his bed, there was an urge to flop and just sleep.
But then he just sat on the edge of his bed. Sighing—again—, his eyes moved toward the sight of a photo in a frame and a plush next to it.
"Your first plushie!"
He took it, feeling the soft cushion in his palms. Thumb and forefinger pinching the little malboro's tentacles, he stared at the big round eyes of it.
Eira…
He then glanced at the picture on his bedside table, eyes focusing solely on a small figure who was standing next to him. A raven haired young woman, no, a teenage girl, who was smiling brightly to the camera. He loved her smile; how she blushed and how her eyes got smaller when she lifted both corners of her lips
However… she wouldn't give that sweet smile to him anymore...
Monday
It was Monday, and Cor began his day with meetings. First, with council. Then, with Kingsglaive's Captain, Drautos. And after that internal weekly meeting with Crownsguard and Clarus.
The tight schedule helped him not to think about a particular medic whose heart he just broke. However, when he walked in the hallway to move from one meeting room to another, his mind unwittingly wandered to the memories of two days ago. And he should try hard to bury those memories and his own feelings, preventing it from emerging and disturbing his work.
At lunch, he deliberately went to the cafeteria on the twenty third floor of west building when he sometimes saw her with her friends. Unfortunately, she wasn't there anywhere.
And after lunch, he slowly walked in front of the infirmary to glance inside, only to find out that she wasn't there either.
He thought she probably had morning shift, but still he was worried about her.
Yet, the man didn't have much courage to ask about her condition by mail. He just rejected her. Keeping to talk with her through email must be inappropriate, though.
Sighing, Cor walked inside the training room with heavy steps.
Tuesday
Eira wasn't in the infirmary again.
Her personal crownsguard, Lizette, was there in the training room though. But, Cor was too afraid to ask about her. Also, no one was supposed to know about what was going on between the marshal and a certain daughter of a royal council member. He should keep it a secret.
After training, he looked at his phone and there was nothing from her. Of course. Cor must be foolish to think that Eira would casually send him a message after he rejected her. Even before that disastrous event, she rarely messaged him. How was it possible for her to talk to him after that confession?
When he walked in the hallway, the infirmary was already empty.
Cor sighed and looked at that dark room through the window. No one was there. Obviously.
Wednesday
She wasn't in the infirmary again that noon. Now Cor was worried if she was sick. But he just met William this morning and he didn't say anything about Eira. That man would definitely tell Cor if Eira was sick as he loved to talk about his daughter.
Hope that Eira was just on morning shift so that was why he never saw her anymore since this Monday.
Thursday
Cor suddenly remembered that Eira was doing her paper. Perhaps she wasn't in the infirmary because she was currently busy with her paper.
As a part of the royal family, she had private mentors and was studying in the citadel and not going to regular school. Just like Ignis and Gladiolus—Noctis was exceptional.
Educational establishment for the royal family was on the twelfth floor in the west building. Library was also on that floor. Without much thinking, Cor walked there, pretending he wanted to find some books to read.
As he walked around inside the library, he scanned the room, looking at every desk inside. And for once again, he was disappointed that he didn't find his crush.
He randomly took a history book then brought it to the counter.
"It's so rare to see the marshal visiting the library," said the old man who took his book and checked it out for him.
Cor just gave a tiny small before averting his gaze toward the door that creaked open.
His heart stopped for a moment when he finally saw her.
It was Eira.
She jolted and widened her eyes when she looked at Cor.
He parted his lips, wanting to greet her. But he hesitated and just shut his mouth again.
She quickly avoided his gaze and closed the door before scurrying away and disappearing between the bookshelves.
Cor's heart was broken into pieces. But it was also his fault anyway. He was the one who rejected her, and now he was also the one who got hurt because of it.
Thanking the librarian, he then walked out from the library.
At least… he was glad to see her again.
Even though it seemed that she hated him now.
Friday
It was eight in the morning and Cor had already arrived in the citadel. He just wanted to make sure if she was still working in the infirmary. Without hesitation, he walked out from the elevator on the ground floor and scurried to the infirmary.
No one would bother to question him why he went toward the training room right in the morning. Even if someone did, he already prepared the answer. He left something in the training room.
As he moved his feet, his heart caused a clamor in his chest. Thumping, thumping, so loud, so fast. And when he almost walked past the infirmary, he slowed down his steps and glanced at the room.
The pair of black eyes met his gaze and he quickly averted his eyes.
It was Eira. She was there. And their eyes met even though it was just a split second.
Cor was glad that she was still working as usual. He was glad that she was still a crownsguard medic.
Even though it seemed that she had changed her shift to the morning shift. She might be avoiding him. But he couldn't blame her.
It was his fault.
A sigh escaped his throat as he stepped in the yard. He raised his head, looking at the blue sky above.
…
He should not yearn for her.
…
He should bury his feelings.
…
It was for the best.
…
It was for the best.
…
Even though it hurt. It hurt so much…
…
He missed her…
He missed her…
…
But he shouldn't...