Chapter 25 - Pretend

Thursday

It had been five days since the last time Cor and Eira met.

Eira deliberately asked her mother to change all of her shifts to the morning one, stating that she preferred to work first before doing her paper and not vice versa. Of course Elaine told Eira to ask her workmates about the changes. And the good thing was that Raine and Stella understood her situation and willingly adjusted their shifts for her.

Two days before, Eira finally mustered her strength to talk with them—including Lizette—, about her confession and Cor's answer. The heavy atmosphere shrouded them as they ate their dinner. Probably talking about it at dinner wasn't a good decision. Eira ended up crying as she ate, not minding the fact that they were in a restaurant near the citadel and some of the staff and nearby people watched her as she sobbed.

For the past five days, Eira always had lunch outside after her shift then returned back to the citadel around two as she knew that Cor would be already in the training room by that time. Deep down in her heart, she really wanted to see him. Just to make sure that he was fine and alive. She wondered if she wasn't the only one who wept after that day. Cor also loved her. And him, rejecting her like that, it should've been hurting too for him, right?

Sometimes she wondered if Cor missed her, if Cor really wanted to be with her, if Cor wished that he accepted her confession. Because she missed him. She missed him so much it was so excruciating for being unable to see him walk past the infirmary. But, on the other hand, she was sure that she wouldn't be able to prevent the tears from streaming down her cheeks if she saw him.

Today, as usual—usual might be weird to use because it had just been four days since her new habit—Eira returned back from her new cafeteria which was fifteen minutes walk from the citadel. She greeted the staff who welcomed her, giving a smile at them even though she didn't really want to. She was too tired—because of the stairs on the entrance—and too sad to smile.

She sighed when she finally arrived at the twelfth floor, relieved that soon she could put down her heavy books and pc. Her shoulders hurt from bringing her bag.

Pushing the door to the library, she was ready to greet the librarian on the counter desk. Yet, she froze as she saw a figure she didn't expect would be there.

Cor Leonis.

She widened her eyes. Mouth agape, she was startled because of what she saw.

Cor? In the library? What was he doing? This was already the time for crownsguard training, what was he doing there?

He looked at her, and their eyes met.

Biting her lower lips, she quickly closed the door and scurried toward the bookshelves to hide. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want him to see her. She wasn't ready. It just made her want to cry again.

Her eyes were stinging, as the tears began to pile up beneath her eyelids. She couldn't really see what was around, blurred by the heap of tears that was ready to flow down. Quickly wiping her eyes, she hoped that no one saw her crying now. Shutting her eyes, she took a deep breath to maintain her composure. Until finally she heard the library door being opened and closed.

She peeked to the counter, finding out that Cor was left already.

Eira walked out from her hideout, moving toward an empty desk and sitting there. She sighed, wiping her face with both of her hands before pulling out her laptop and opening it. She wasn't sure she would be able to continue her paper in this condition.

Friday

It was the fifth day of Eira's morning shift.

A couple of citadel staff visited the infirmary as they had fever and she prescribed the medication. Actually she offered to heal them with magic, but they refused and it seemed they preferred to rest at home.

She looked at the clock. Nine a.m, just one hour after her shift began. Moving her gaze toward the hallway, she then remembered a weird thing that happened this morning.

After she did preparation for her work, she suddenly heard familiar footsteps approaching from the hallway.

Impossible, she thought.

But, as her heart began to race, she bit her lower lips and anxiously stared at the hallway. Waiting for whoever was that to walk past the infirmary.

Impossible, impossible, she chanted those words in her head.

But then the tall figure she recognized passed by the entrance. It was the marshal, walking toward the training room at an unusual time for whatever reason, and glancing at her until their eyes met even if it was for a split second.

She thought that she could avoid him, and when she did, she thought that she was going to be fine. But then she saw him yesterday and this morning. And the feelings she tried to bury emerged and engulfed her for once again.

She loved him. She was happy to see him. She was happy with her assumption that probably Cor actually wanted to see her so he looked for her at the library yesterday and went to the training room this morning.

Sighing, she rubbed her face then tapped her cheeks a few times. Somehow she felt exhausted today even though it was only an hour after her shift began. It was probably because she was still sad after the rejection from her crush. She didn't really have any motivation to do anything at all. But she needed to work, and do her research paper after this.

Her mother checked her paper last night, and she wasn't satisfied with her draft. Having her own mother to manage all of her educational plan was rather… hard... for Eira.

Sometimes she wondered what would happen if she were going to regular school like prince Noctis. Probably she hadn't become a medic yet like she was now. And then maybe she would go to college, and she wondered if she would choose other studies, instead of medical studies. And she wondered if she would fall in love with her classmates or her seniors, instead of falling in love with the marshal of the crownsguard.

"Ah, Eira!" A cheerful voice from the infirmary entrance pulling her from her thoughts. Looking at the door, Eira saw Prompto who was waving his hand then walked in while giggling.

"Prompto! Good morning! What are you doing?" Eira smiled, a genuine smile this time. Not a wry or forced smile like she always did recently. She was purely happy to see this blonde young man, perhaps because his smile is contagious.

"I have an appointment with the prince to train with me in the morning. But, apparently the prince hasn't woken up yet. And now I'm waiting for Ignis to pick him up." Prompto explained.

"Sleepyhead," Eira chuckled.

"He definitely is. Sometimes he dozed off at school, you know? And the teachers weren't brave enough to wake up the royalty."

Eira laughed softly, "It's a difficult situation, indeed."

"So, finally tomorrow is shooting day, huh? I'm so excited! You'll join us again, right? Aah, I really want to touch a rifle."

There was an unpleasant heat flowing through her chest.

Shooting practice. She hadn't been thinking about that these past days, as her mind was too busy recreating past memories with Cor and weeping about it. She didn't know what to decide now. Definitely she wasn't ready to meet Cor—as she kept avoiding him this week. But, she also didn't want to disappoint Prompto. But, deep, deep, deep down her heart, she also still wanted to spend her day with Cor. Even if she should pretend that her heart wasn't broken.

"Eira?"

"Yes?" Eira blinked.

"Do you have any other appointments tomorrow?"

"Um, no. No. Of course, no." She hastily shook her head.

"You know? I'm not sure I can shoot without getting nervous around the marshal if it's not thanks to you!" Prompto smiled widely.

Eira gulped. Now it was a bit hard for her to tell him that she probably wouldn't accompany him tomorrow. Prompto's eyes were sparkling in excitement, and she didn't want to let those shine poof out.

"R-Right. The marshal really has an intimidating aura even if he's practically not doing anything." Eira said, eyes looking away as she didn't want Prompto to sense how painful it was to talk about Cor right now.

"Ah, Prompto, there you are." Suddenly, a voice came from the entrance. It was Gladio, with a grin on his smile, "Want to start practicing while waiting for Noct?"

"Gladio!" Prompto exclaimed. "Sure! Sure!"

"Hi, Eira." Gladio raised a hand, greeting the medic on duty. "Mind me snatching Prompto?"

Eira chuckled, "Hi. Yes, sure, sure. Please kidnap him."

Gladio then walked in, and he suddenly lifted Prompto.

"Woaah! Hey, big guy! Hey!" Prompto struggled, kicking his legs in the air to return back to the ground. He tapped Gladio's back, hoping the man would release him.

"She told me to kidnap you." Gladio laughed as he walked out from the infirmary.

"No! Don't!" Prompto yelled. "Eira! Help!"

But Eira just laughed while watching them disappear into the hallway. When she couldn't hear their voices and laughters anymore, the smile faded away from her face. Sighing deeply, she leaned against her chair and looked at the ceilings. Huffing again, she wondered what she should do tomorrow.

Cor didn't even email her, not telling her clearly if she shouldn't need to join them. She definitely didn't want to ask. Moreover, the first one who invited her to the shooting range was him. So, he should be the one who clarified about her attendance.

"Uuu…" Eira rubbed her face, cursing the world for torturing her with these kinds of feelings.

Rolling on her bed, Eira sighed and typed a question in her chat group with her medic friends after she told them about the shooting range practice.

Eira : What should I do?

Biting her lips, she looked at the screen which displayed that both Raine and Stella were typing. Ping! And the messages showed up.

Raine : Of course you won't go, right? After the thing he has done to you! No. Don't.

Stella : You know the answer Ei. Come to my apartment and let's sleepover.

Raine : That sounds good. It has been forever since the last time we did it.

Eira sighed then typed again.

Eira : I feel bad about Prompto.

Then she waited for the answer from them.

Raine : I mean, soon or later he should do it by himself anyway. And even if you don't break up with Mr. C, you can't go to their training forever.

Eira pouted then quickly tapped her phone.

Eira : I don't break up with him ?(_´)? We weren't even a couple.

Stella : Sleepover~ (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

"Really?" Eira frowned when seeing Stella's answer.

Eira : You're not helping.

Raine : Actually she is. You need to spend your day with someone who's not Mr. C.

Eira : Or alone.

Stella : And cry?

Eira pouted and typed again.

Eira : Where's your sympathy (´；ω；｀)

Raine : Come with us and cry. Or be alone and cry?

Eira : Why are you being such bullies?

Raine : Want me to kick Cor's ass for you?

She chuckled seeing Raine's response.

Eira : (¬_¬) Will you?

Stella : I'll give you 5000 yen. Go kick him.

Raine : I'm so ┌(┌╬◣д◢)┐He makes my daughter cry.

Eira chuckled again. She was so grateful to have Stella and Raine as her friends. She couldn't imagine how she would be able to overcome this broken heart experience without them by her side—and also Lizette.

Eira : Since when I'm your daughter?

Raine : And fuck he said that your love isn't a one-sided love?! Gsvdhjwdj GRAH

Eira sighed, just remembered again that Cor actually liked her, or loved her. She shut her eyes, which unfortunately just brought her mind back to the night a few days ago. When Cor answered "It's not…" after she asked him whether her feeling was one-sided love. If only she weren't too young for him, probably they had already been a couple that time.

Her phone beeped and she looked back at her phone.

Stella : Movie night?

She quickly answered,

Eira : No

Movie. Right. She probably would avoid watching movies for a while because she still remembered her first date with Cor.

Raine : How's your feelings now?

Eira : Awful

A sigh escaped her lips again after sending the message.

Stella : (つ･ω･(´；ω；｀) I'm here to hug you. Come over.

Raine : (｡•́︿•̀｡)

Eira : (｡º̩̩́⌓º̩̩̀).

Replying with just an emoticon, Eira locked her phone and threw it away. She pulled her pillow and hugged it, burying her face on it. Line of tears suddenly flowed down to her cheeks, dampening the pillow as she began to cry in silence.

She missed Cor…

She missed him so much…

But it was over… everything was over.

Saturday

She woke up from a beautiful dream. And even though it was a good dream, she felt awful as she knew that it was a mere dream.

There was Cor and her, sitting side by side on a sofa, and her head was on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her body. They just talked—which unfortunately she couldn't remember about—, but the dream was so vivid as she could clearly recall his smile and his gentle gaze, the thing she really yearned to see right now.

But then she opened her eyes, realizing that no one was there but her. She was alone on her bed, just being surrounded by four of her pillows.

And the warm liquid began to pile beneath her eyelids. But she took a deep breath, trying not to cry anymore as she was already tired of crying.

She took a shower, hoping that she would feel refreshed by the help of the cold water. Yet, unfortunately she couldn't stop thinking about Cor.

She then had breakfast with her parents as the morning routine for Heallint family on weekend.

Chatting with them slightly helped her to forget about Cor. But it was just until her dad mentioned the marshal's name when he talked about his work. And it felt like hot knives were stabbing her chest as she heard his name.

Returning to her room, she began to practice her magic. She drew some magic circles she hadn't remembered yet on some parchments while looking at her books, practicing simple elemental magic she rarely used, and then accidentally burnt the edge of her book when she did fire magic.

"Uh-oh…" she quickly tapped the book many times to the floor and it damaged the book. Her mom would scold her if she knew. This book was hand-written by her great-great-great grandmother as the only one who could use this magic was the Heallint family.

Eira huffed after extinguishing the fire. She then lied on the floor, staring at her ceiling as she was tired even though she was just practicing some easy magic. She moved her hand on the floor, tapping randomly until she caught her phone.

She looked at the clock on her lockscreen. It was nine forty. Just twenty minutes before the appointed time for shooting practice.

She got no message from Cor. He didn't even say that she didn't need to come again to the practice from now on. Perhaps he thought that rejecting her was already clear enough to state that she didn't need to engage in any activities with the marshal anymore.

He didn't even reply to her last message when she left the diner last week.

It angered her.

She hated him. For saying "I'm sorry…" that night. For burying his own feelings and rejecting her confession. For stopping to talk to her. For not replying to her message. For not telling her if she should join their shooting practice or not. For cutting off their relationship—she was also a part of it, though.

But she still loved him. She loved him. She couldn't stop loving him.

Perhaps, in the next two years, when she was twenty, she could just confess to him again. She wouldn't be a teenager anymore, and even though the gap couldn't be changed, at least she wasn't a teen. It shouldn't be a problem for him to have a relationship with her, right?

Right?

Or so she hoped.

She cried again…

Thinking that probably by that time Cor would already find a new love. Or probably he would get married with someone his age. And she would never find a new love, and would suffer in this feeling called love.