Chapter 33: Meditation and fun

[28th of Hearthfire – 12th of Frostfall 4E 201]

Our party of four – Fiona, Lydia, Rayya, and me – had climbed the mountain in two days starting from Ivarstead, and not without trouble we had managed to get to High Hrothgar, where the Greybeards had waited for us, or rather for the Dragonborn. While the old men would have loved to teach Fiona right away and discuss important topics, we were all exhausted after the strenuous hike and asked for a good night's rest first. Fiona and her two housecarls got the real guest room with two beds and a fireplace, and I opted for a small store room which had a narrow but long spare bed. There was no heating in the room, but a warm bed cover, and I had my bedroll and a fur after all.

I joined the three ladies for breakfast in their larger room on the next day, and after a good night's rest in a proper bed Fiona was looking and feeling much better; she claimed that she was ready for some serious talking with Arngeir. The old man was delighted to hear that and joined us in the guest room, and Fiona prompted him:

"I am feeling so much better after sleeping in this nice bed here; thank you so much for your hospitality. So, can you tell me what this place here actually is? Jarl Balgruuf the Greater suggested that I need to get up here as soon as I can, but I don't really know much more."

"We are the Greybeards, followers of the Way of the Voice. You stand, or rather sit, in High Hrothgar, on the slopes of Kynareth՚s sacred mountain. Here we commune with the voice of the sky, and strive to achieve balance between our inner and outer selves."

"Forgive me, Master Arngeir, but I do not really understand what that means and how this affects me."

"Don't worry; you will understand more with time. For now, we are here to guide you in that pursuit, just as the Greybeards have sought to guide those of the Dragon Blood that came before you."

"So, there have been others like me before?"

"Indeed, yes. There have been many of the Dragon Blood since Akatosh first bestowed that gift upon mortalkind. Whether you are the only Dragonborn of this age... that is not ours to know. You are the only one that has been revealed thus far. That is all I can say."

"But how can I be of Dragon Blood? I know both of my parents, and neither of them was a dragon."

"Dragon Blood is not always inherited. As the Book of the Dragonborn tells, 'Akatosh, looking with pity upon the plight of men, drew precious blood from his own heart, and blessed St. Alessia with this blood of Dragons'. We also know for certain that the early Cyrodilic rulers were not all related; for instance, there is also no evidence that Reman Cyrodiil was descended from Alessia. We are not sure about that, but we believe that Akatosh sometimes infuses his dragon blood into somebody who had so far not been related to other Dragonborns before, and there are some scholars who claim that Akatosh can even bring a champion from another world."

Fiona looked at me briefly, but decided not to mention her former life at this time, which was in my opinion a wise decision. Rather she responded:

"Wow, this is interesting. So, what am I supposed to do? Is there some kind of instruction manual on how to be a Dragonborn? I do not know what that implies, and until recently I had never even heard that word."

"We will do our best to teach you how to use your gift in fulfillment of your destiny."

"And how will you teach me?"

"Let us first see if you are willing and able to learn. When you Shout, you speak in the language of dragons. Thus, your Dragon Blood gives you an inborn ability to learn Words of Power. All Shouts are made up of three Words of Power. As you master each Word, your Shout will become progressively stronger."

"So, when I shout 'FUS', this is just the start, and I can learn to make the shout even more powerful?"

"Yes, exactly. Let us move to the hall for that."

We relocated to the main hall, where we found the other three Greybeards waiting. I did not know if they had been patiently waiting here since early morning or if Arngeir could communicate with his colleagues in a telepathic way, too; maybe it was just a coincidence, though. Arngeir now announced:

"Let me first introduce my colleagues: Master Borri, Master Einarth, Master Wulfgar."

All of them nodded and even bowed a little to the Dragonborn, but none of them said anything. Master Arngeir continued:

"Master Einarth will now teach you 'RO', the second word in Unrelenting Force. 'RO' means 'balance' in the dragon tongue. Combine it with 'FUS' - 'force' - to focus your Thu'um more sharply."

The priest gesticulated with his hands and pointed to the floor, inviting Fiona to step there, and when she had done so and obviously absorbed the knowledge, Arngeir continued:

"You learn a new word like a master... you truly do have the gift. But learning a Word of Power is only the first step... you must unlock its meaning through constant meditation and practice in order to use it in a Shout. Well, that is how the rest of us learn Shouts. As Dragonborn, you can absorb a slain dragon's life force and knowledge directly."

Arngeir pointed to Master Einarth again and said:

"As part of your initiation, Master Einarth will now allow you to tap into his understanding of 'RO'."

The Bosmer nodded, and while the Greybeard gesticulated with his hands once more, she seemed to pay attention, and eventually a small swirl of light formed around Einarth and slowly moved over to Fiona, covering her and melting into her, just like the larger swirl which had been seen after the killing of Mirmulnir at the Western Watchtower. Apparently, a Greybeard could initiate such a shout activation deliberately, but likely only with the Dragonborn.

Once the Bosmer had apparently learned and activated the shout from Master Einarth, Master Borri then projected a few spectral images she could use as as target. She had a few issues with aiming, but after about a dozen practice shouts the Greybeards were happy with her, and Arngeir seemed to be proud:

"Impressive! Your Thu'um is precise. You show great promise, Dragonborn. We will perform your next trial in the courtyard. Follow Master Borri."

"Wait a second, not so fast. With all of that shouting I feel exhausted, my throat hurts, and I do need a break first."

"Of course, Dragonborn; forgive us for being so eager with you. Shouting does take effort, and at least in the beginning it taxes the throat. Take your time and let us know when you are ready to continue."

Fiona went into her room, followed by her two housecarls, and I assumed that they might prepare a tea or a broth for her.

While the Dragonborn rested, I used the chance to talk to the Greybeards about an issue of my own:

"Master Arngeir, I wonder if you could help me with something."

"And what might that be?"

"I am curious if one of you might guide me in meditating on a shout, too."

"You do realize that normal people need months or even years to master a single shout?"

"Yes, I know, but I would like to try at least."

"Well, we might be able to help, as we assisted a few selected others before, but we are very cautious about assisting strangers to learn a shout which can be misused. You came with the Dragonborn, B'lushona, and I learned from her two housecarls how you helped them to get up here, but still, normally we only teach those we accept as an apprentice, after careful selection."

"I understand, but I'd like to meditate on 'KAAN'."

Master Arngeir looked right into my eyes now: "How do you know about that particular shout, stranger?"

"I had a vision from Kynareth" I claimed. That seemed more believable than stating that I had played the game and knew the names of a few shouts at least. It was not a lie, though, as Kynareth had appeared in my dream, and she had asked me to 'Use Nature's gifts wisely'.

"Kynareth knows that I like animals and that I hate it when I have to kill some just because they attack me, not knowing better. She told me that somebody who knows that shout can calm animals, so that they neither fight nor flee. I would love to find out if I can learn that word."

She had not actually told me that directly, but based on my knowledge of the game this seemed to be a reasonable conclusion. Reasonable enough, at least, to find out if I could actually learn that shout, even if it did take months or even years. This one – 'KAAN' – was one of the few shouts I recalled by name from playing, and I had always enjoyed using it to get close to animals without getting attacked by them. Maybe Kynareth would support my eagerness to learn it?

"Hmph" Master Arngeir said. "This is an admirable motivation at least. It is possible that somebody who has a Divine's blessing actually learns a shout faster than usual. I will consult with my colleagues, and we will let you know about our decision tomorrow."

"That is all I can expect for now; thank you, Master Arngeir. I do have another question: What about the Dragonborn՚s two housecarls? Are they needed up here?"

"No, not really. Actually, having to feed so many people will become a problem, and the food we have may not last long."

"I could suggest to Fiona to send the two ladies down to Ivarstead and return in a week or two with more supplies; what do you think?"

"If she agrees to that, that would help, indeed; thank you for mentioning that. And, by the way, please do tell them to bring something else but fish. One of the friendly people who sometimes bring supplies up to us must be a devoted fisherman, but we'd like to get some change in our diet."

"You are welcome, Master Arngeir, and I will be sure to mention that."

I bowed my head and took my leave from him.

In the early afternoon, when Fiona had rested, I talked to her about what Arngeir and I had discussed related to her two housecarls, and she agreed that it did not make sense to keep them up here with nothing to do. She did of course question my motivation to stay, and I explained about my desire to learn a shout, too. I could understand that she was hesitant to have me around in this place, but she accepted the situation; after all, this was not her home, but the home of the Greybeards, and if they allowed me to stay, she would have to live with that.

Once this was decided, we were asked by Master Arngeir to get out to the backyard, and the two housecarls and I had some fun watching her, Borri and Wulfgar practicing 'WULD' with the small gate. After she had mastered this test as well, she needed a break, and I asked Master Borri if he would also open and close the gate for me. For a moment it looked like he almost smiled, and he nodded. I got to the starting position, and when the gate opened, I raced forward, but of course I was not fast enough to get through before it closed again. The best I managed after several attempts was to crash into the gate right when it had closed again; thus, even with my strong Khajiit body, I was not even getting close to a 'WULD' accelerated speed; no surprise. After my last run I had landed on the snowy ground face down, and when I slowly got up, I not only saw Master Borri smirking, but Lydia and Rayya, who had also watched my feeble attempts, had their hands in front of their mouths, quite obviously to cover a laugh. Seeing that, I started to laugh myself, and it was good to find out that even old and sinister Greybeards and tough warrior ladies were allowed to have some fun from time to time.

For the rest of the day, Master Arngeir suggested that there were also a few books available to read for us and for the Dragonborn in particular. He dropped a few of them on the table in the guest room, and when I looked, I saw 'The Book of the Dragonborn', 'Dragon Language: Myth no More', 'There Be Dragons', and some more. Curiously there was also 'Kolb & the Dragon – An Adventure for Nord Boys', which was quite different. I was not sure if it was the only such book in Skyrim, but it was fun to read, and I claimed that for the evening, while Fiona tried to make sense of 'Dragon Language: Myth no More'.

Once I was done with the small book, after I had found myself at dead ends a few times and had had a few laughs, it was getting too dark to read anyway, and reading anything with the flickering light of a fireplace and a couple of torches was not exactly comfortable. For a moment I wondered where the firewood came from; there were no trees up here after all. Most likely the Greybeards had a magical way to keep them supplied, though.

Before I retired to my room, I stepped outside into the backyard for a few minutes and reminisced about the events of that day. Some of the conversation we had had with the Greybeards were quite like in the game, but I had enjoyed hearing them in reality. Fiona had asked many questions, and although I had known some of the answers, it was good to know that the Dragonborn lore here in this real Skyrim was mostly the same as in the game, too. My conversation about the shout I wanted to learn had opened up a new topic which had not been there in the game, and once again I reveled in the fact that I had real people with real minds around me rather than NPCs limited to a few lines of dialogue only.

Early next morning the two warrior ladies were going down to Ivarstead, and they were to return a week later with a load of supplies, preferably something else but fish, as Master Arngeir had requested. They were not entirely happy about leaving their Thane up here with me, but Fiona had made up her mind. Meanwhile, the petite Bosmer was going to be taught more about what it meant to be Dragonborn and about shouts by Master Arngeir, while I asked Master Borri if he was willing to practice with me again. Unlike the day before, when he had opened and closed the gate in the backyard for me, I was now interested in the spectral images today, those he had projected on the day before for Fiona to use as targets for his shouts. Naturally, I would not be able to shout them down, but I could attack them with my axe, and the moving targets were a lot more challenging than stationary dummies.

Master Borri was delighted to hear me asking for his assistance once more, and we spent many hours in the courtyard with him invoking the spectral targets and me trying to hit them with my weapon. Borri was able to make the images move faster compared to what he had offered for the Dragonborn, and this was indeed so much better than hitting straw dummies. Under the Greybeard՚s direction, the spectral images could make moves to evade my attacks, and I had quite some good practice with that. My axe could only be wielded at a limited speed, but I was determined to work with what I had, improving my speed of reaction and accuracy of hitting where I wanted to hit, even on a moving target. This was not quite as difficult than what Luke Skywalker had been supposed to do when he first practiced using a light saber on board the Millenium Falcon, trying to hit a small ball with his eyes being covered. In addition to using my axe, I sometimes alternated and blasted flames. Master Borri seemed to enjoy having his images evade quickly, frequently making my attacks miss completely or only allowing me to score a partial hit, and more than once I saw the Greybeard smiling and grinning during our practice session.

Later on that day, while the Dragonborn got a break from her own training, I was told that the Greybeards approved of my plan to meditate on the Shout I had mentioned:

"This is Kynareth՚s holy mountain, after all, and meditating on one of her special Shouts is an admirable goal. You do have our support, and we will try to guide you as much as we can, although we cannot predict how long it will take you to learn and meditate before you can actually use the Shout."

I nodded and bowed to Master Arngeir and thanked him for that, and from this day on I split my days between peaceful meditation and martial training; Fiona did not need my assistance for her own training, and I would not have been able to help much anyway. Most likely she was glad that I had my own agenda and was not too close to her most of the time; although one of the beds in the guestroom was free now, with the two housecarls gone, I stayed in the small room next door, and she likely appreciated that.

During the next few days, while Fiona was mostly occupied by Master Arngeir for teaching and talking and, on a regular basis, by Master Borri for more shout practice, I had a lot of time to myself. Of course, as I had been allowed to study the 'KAAN' shout and meditate on it here in this special place, this was one of my priorities, and I spent several hours a day on it.

I had to admit that I did not really know what 'meditation' was and how this was properly done; I had never even attempted to do anything in that direction in my former life. Master Wulfgar, who was not busy with the Dragonborn a lot, spent much time sitting at my side either inside High Hrothgar or, preferably, outside in the backyard. I could not really explain why, but his presence helped me to focus on the shout, even when we were just sitting side by side, and step by step I had a feeling that I was making progress in learning it. I understood quite well that I was not likely to finish the meditation before we'd leave this place, but at the very least my time here was a good start in the right direction. The old Greybeard՚s presence at my side was very valuable and inspiring, and somehow the aura he emanated guided me.

I also had plenty of time to explore the vicinity. With awe I approached the stairs at the eastern end of the backyard and observed the whirling storm there, realizing that the blizzard further up was likely magically enhanced and would not allow even a sturdy Nord to pass without clearing the skies first. I went out to where the rock walls dropped down sharply on the northern side, and I walked out of the front door a few times, specifically when the sun was out and few clouds were around, to enjoy the view from the steps just west of High Hrothgar. Once there were almost no clouds around at all, and the view from up here was spectacular; on that day I even saw something which might have been a dragon in the air far away, but maybe that had just been my imagination. Sometimes I sat there for hours, not far from the monastery, and lazily allowed my thoughts to travel. It would have been so nice to enjoy those moments with a deeply loved female being next to me, closely snuggled against me, and more than once I prayed for this to happen at some time in the future. I was little bit disconnected with the calendar during the time up here, but on a day which I assumed to be Sunday, Sundas, I tried to keep to myself for most of the time for silent meditation and prayer.

Eventually, Lydia and Rayya were back. They had dropped a big load of food into the chest outside, and they also mentioned that they had talked to Klimmek again, telling him and also the innkeeper that the frost troll had been taken care of. Following some consideration Fiona decided, after consulting Master Arngeir, that she'd need to spend at least another week up here. That was just fine for me, and the two warrior ladies were sent down once again to come back yet another week later with more supplies. Fiona also encouraged them to find something to do in the village of Ivarstead, if they wanted, and Lydia replied:

"Well, some of the residents seem to believe that Shroud Hearth Barrow, just east of the village, is haunted. If Rayya feels up to it, we might as well explore and find out about it."

With those words the two housecarls left again, and we got another week of training, meditation, and cold up here.

During the second week I used the opportunity to ask Master Arngeir in Fiona's presence:

"Master Arngeir, a few weeks ago we encountered a couple of cultists who claimed that they work for members of the Dragon Cult, and they warned us all to not support the Dragonborn and suggested that she leave the province quickly. Do you know something about that?"

The Greybeard looked concerned when he heard that, and then he replied:

"I had hoped that this would not happen, but there may be forces at work who would like Alduin to rule without any challenge. That Dragon Cult is supposed to be extinct since a long time ago, but if they start to show up again now, you may have to take it seriously. We will let you know if we find out more, but our contacts to the world down there are somewhat limited, as you may have guessed."

That was not so very helpful, but it had been worth to ask.

When the two housecarls were back one week later and the supply chest outside of the building was filled to the brim – the Greybeards actually had to add another chest next to the original one, but fortunately, with the icy temperatures around, no deep freezer was required, and fish and meat both would last long – Master Arngeir called Fiona and me to him and told her:

"Dragonborn, from our point of view your initial training is completed. You are now ready for your last trial. Retrieve the Horn of Jurgen Windcaller, our founder, from his tomb in the ancient fane of Ustengrav. Remain true to the Way of the Voice, and you will return. If you have any additional questions, please feel free to ask."

"Who is or was Jurgen Windcaller, and what is a fane?"

"A fane is another word for shrine, and Jurgen Windcaller was a great war leader of the ancient Nords, a master of the Voice, or Tongue. After the disaster at Red Mountain, where the Nord army was annihilated, he spent many years pondering the meaning of that terrible defeat. He finally came to realize that the gods had punished the Nords for their arrogant and blasphemous misuse of the Voice. He was the first to understand that the Voice should be used solely for the glory and worship of the gods, not the glory of men. Jurgen Windcaller՚s mastery of the Voice eventually overcame all opposition, and the Way of the Voice was born."

"In all of the time up here, Master Borri, Master Wulfgar, and Master Einarth have not really spoken at all, above and beyond their shouts. Why don't they talk?"

"In all the decades up here they have forgotten how to talk in normal human voices, and their dragon tongue voices are too powerful for anyone not trained in the Way to withstand. Even a whisper could kill you; well, maybe not you, but normal people at least."

"Are there any more Greybeards? I mean, do you have families or children or so?"

"No, we do not have families. Sometimes we find a suitable apprentice to take in, and when he finishes his education, one of us can leave this world. Also, you have not yet met our leader, Paarthurnax, who lives alone on the peak of the Throat of the World. When your Voice can open the path, you will know you are ready to speak to him."

"You mentioned the 'Way of the Voice'. Can you summarize for me what this implies?"

"The Voice was a gift of the goddess Kynareth, at the dawn of time. She gave mortals the ability to speak as dragons do. Although this gift has often been misused, the only true use of the Voice is for the worship and glory of the gods. True mastery of the Voice can only be achieved when your inner spirit is in harmony with your outward actions. In the contemplation of the sky, Kynareth՚s domain, and the practice of the Voice, we strive to achieve this balance. Your Khajiit companion here has also stepped in that direction by meditating on a shout which is very important to Kynareth. He is not Dragonborn and thus cannot learn a shout as quickly as you do, but he has done a big step already towards his goal."

Indeed, while I could not use the shout yet, I felt like a few more weeks of training and meditation might get me there. Fiona did not have any further questions, but Master Arngeir added that she was always going to be welcome up here, and he even extended that invitation to me. As he said, they'd be very interested to learn when I managed to use the Shout I had started to meditate on. Finally, we were ready to descend again starting early in the next morning.

[Author's Notes: What do you think about my hero meditating on 'KAAN'? I think that's cool, and at least it's not an offensive shout. So, that's High Hrothgar from a non-Dragonborn perspective. Please let me know how you like it; a few more reviews would be very much appreciated!]