If ever there was a time Mikey wished he could stop thinking, it was now. He didn't want it to hurt… he didn't want to care. But it did hurt.

I must be as much of an idiot as they think… I actually believed them. I should've known they were just pretending. It's not like they ever had any faith in me.

Despite his determination to be angry, a small part of his mind that just wouldn't be quiet kept whispering that his family really did never want to hurt him, that even if they made mistakes, they loved him. And he loved them… he really did. He just wished that they trusted him the same way he trusted them. Because he did. He didn't want to after all this, but he did. He wouldn't go into battle with anyone else, he wouldn't place his life in anyone else's hands. He just didn't know if they felt the same way about him.

Letting out a quiet sigh, Mikey lifted his eyes to the night sky. There was too much light pollution in the city to see many stars, but the sight still brought a much-needed sense of peace. He'd wondered if he'd be able to get out tonight, but luckily it seemed the others were doing their best to respect his need for space. Of course, they'd no doubt find out he was gone soon and come looking for him. And truthfully, he had no idea what to say to them.

That thought was interrupted when he heard someone land lightly on the roof, and he couldn't help but smile a little as he lowered his gaze to see Grace approaching with a smile of her own. But as she drew closer, he saw her eager expression turn to concern.

"Mikey, are you okay?" she asked.

Again, Mikey couldn't help but smile at her insight. But he still hesitated; he knew she would listen, that she wouldn't tell anyone, but did he really want to involve her in this? Her face full of concern, Grace stepped closer and touched his hand.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But if you do need to talk, I'm here."

The young turtle gazed into her usually sharp eyes, which were now soft and gentle. And he also saw in them the same trust he wished his family would look at him with. Finally, Mikey let out a quiet sigh and sat cross legged on the roof.

"Well… it's kind of a long story."

Grace sat down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"That's fine… I like long stories."

Mikey couldn't help but smile at that. He hesitated another brief moment, then began to talk. Slowly at first, then more and more steadily, he told her everything. She never interrupted, never lost that gentle expression, but kept her hand on his shoulder, moving it in slow, gentle circles. When he finally reached the end, he let out another sigh and relaxed his posture a little as he gazed down at his hands.

"I know what this sounds like," he said softly. "But I want you to know, I didn't tell them anything you told me, and unless you say it's okay, I won't."

Grace ran her hand down his arm, slipping it into his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I know," she said softly.

Mikey was silent for a few moments, then slowly lifted his eyes to meet hers.

"The weird thing is…" he murmured. "I don't wanna be mad at them. I mean, I am, but… when they said they didn't want t' hurt me, I… I believe them."

Grace gave him a sad smile before opening her mouth to speak, but a deeper voice, a woman's voice, interrupted her.

"On the contrary… I believe they did."

Both Mikey and Grace were on their feet in a second, whirling in the direction the voice came from as they yanked out their weapons. A figure, taller than Grace, watched from the edge of the roof with an air of cool calm. Mikey heard Grace's voice beside him, stunned and almost disbelieving.

"Sensei?"

Mikey didn't take his eyes off the other woman but felt his stomach flip.

"She's… your mom?"

Grace still sounded completely blind sighted.

"Yes, but I… how did…"

Sakura stepped forward, her cool, calm expression never fading as her eyes moved to Grace.

"Your stealth is considerable, my daughter… but not perfected yet, I fear."

Out of the corner of his eye, Mikey thought he saw Grace wince. The urge to reassure her came right away, but he didn't dare take his focus off her mother.

"What'd you mean before?" he asked, keeping his voice calm. "About my family?"

"Exactly what I said," Sakura said in a just as calm tone. "I have observed you many nights… I heard the things you tell my daughter. Do you not find it unusual that they place no faith in you, no matter what you do to prove your worth? That they think nothing of belittling you, that they know nothing of your pain?"

The words struck a painful chord with Mikey, but he ordered himself to keep a neutral expression.

"But I don't tell them," he said. "And it's not like they can read my mind, so how are they supposed to know?"

Sakura held up a finger.

"Ah, and that proves my point further. Anyone can see the signs if they simply look, yet they do not. And you tell them nothing because you fear their rejection, which I am certain they would not hesitate to give. What place is there in a ninja clan for one who thinks with their heart more than their head? Among those who think themselves superior, who would ever admit that the underdog has the most potential, can be stronger than their so-called betters? What else can be done but keep them down, ensure that they do not see that potential and become the strongest one instead?"

"That's… that's not right!" Mikey protested. "They're not trying to keep me down!"

With a soft hum, Sakura raised a brow.

"Hmm, I believe I heard some hesitation in that. You may deny it all you wish, but I believe you know the truth."

"What d' you mean?" Mikey asked, narrowing his eyes.

"That you will never belong in their eyes," Sakura replied. "That you will never reach your full potential with them."

Mikey felt another unpleasant lurch and clenched his teeth. As much as he didn't want to admit it, these words weren't far from thoughts he had entertained in his lower moments. He tried to push them away, to tell himself they didn't mean anything, but as time went by and nothing changed, he felt less and less certain. Could it be there was something to them? He was pulled out of his thoughts when Sakura spoke again.

"Yet, in another clan… one that would appreciate your talents, nurture your potential rather than attempt to smother it…" She scanned him up and down, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Yes, I believe you could become a great warrior. Better than your brothers, better even than your rat master."

Mikey blinked, then his eyes widened as the words sunk in.

"You… want me to leave them, join you guys?"

"I hardly see it as you leaving them," Sakura replied, then her voice and eyes seemed to soften just a little. It was then Mikey noticed she had the same piercing blue eyes as her daughter. "In my opinion, they have already left you. They left you long ago, when they realized that you would never conform to their ideals of what strength is."

Mikey stood in silence; he wanted to say something, to protest, but the words simply wouldn't come. Finally, he managed to answer.

"I… I don't know… this, this doesn't feel right."

Sakura let out a quiet sigh, but her features remained soft.

"Your loyalty is admirable, young one, yet I think it is misplaced. And I believe you do as well. But if you wish to take time to consider my offer, I will certainly respect that. Should you decide you have had enough, the doors of our clan are open to you. If you wish to remain with your own, I shall respect that as well. But consider carefully… I will not make this offer again."

Her eyes moved to her daughter.

"Come now, Grace, it is past time we return."

Grace looked at Mikey, a look of clear reluctance on her face. She wanted to stay with him, he knew, to reassure him. Sakura spoke again, her voice no louder but firm.

"That is an order."

Grace hesitated one more moment, then sighed and sheathed her weapon.

"Hai, Sensei." She looked at Mikey, and he knew what she wanted to say. He gave her a smile and reached out to squeeze her hand.

"It's okay. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

She slowly returned his smile, then turned to follow her mother. As the two leapt away over the rooftops, Mikey stood watching. Soon they were out of sight, but he continued to gaze after them. A strange mix of confusion and guilt swirled in him; how could he even be considering this? His bros, Splinter, they were his family… they were all he had.

But they don't have to be all you have, a tiny voice whispered. And do you even really want them to be all you have? What have they ever really done for you besides belittle and underestimate you?

The young turtle stood there for several moments, trying to calm his swirling thoughts. Finally, he let out a sigh and turned, bracing his feet before taking off at a run. If he stood here any longer, he might lose his mind.

What do I want? Do I even know what I want?

It was a question he'd never allowed himself to ask, but now that he had, it simply wouldn't be quiet. The truth was, he thought more of what the others wanted… more specifically what they wanted him to be. No matter how fast he went, he knew he couldn't outrun it.

What do I want?