The characters do not belong to us.

Chapter Twelve

Maura awoke in a dim room in what she assumed to be a hospital of some sort. Her head throbbed and she couldn't remember how she had come to end up here. She said the one name that made everything make sense in the chaos: "Jane." It was a strangled whisper, but it was enough to rouse the dark haired detective from a light sleep at her side.

"Hey." Jane spoke in a low volume.

"Where am I?" Maura was perplexed.

"In a hospital." Jane answered. "But you're ok, and everything else is going to be ok."

"I don't remember." Maura struggled to think.

"That's fine. You're not going to. But you are safe, and so is your sister."

Maura felt a bolt of shock and worry course through her body. "She's here?"

Jane nodded. "She is, but it looks like she's going to be all right. Hope and Elise are helping her, as are all the doctors."

"What happened?" Maura inquired.

"Relapse. A severe relapse at that. It's been a struggle for them to get her back."

Maura took in a sharp breath. "Jane?"

"Yes, Maura?"

"Where are we?"

"London."

"What? Why London? I can't remember anything about being here!"

"It's okay, Maura. You don't need to know. Sasha doesn't want you to know."

"No." Maura swallowed. Her head throbbed. "Tell me. Now."

Jane shook her head. "Not yet. Later." Her voice cracked. "They almost took you from me-from us again." A tear trickled down her cheek.

"Who? How was I almost taken away?" Maura insisted on knowing.

"We'll talk about it later. First we need to focus on both of you getting back to normal." Jane didn't want to back down.

"How bad is Sasha?" Maura whispered. She had a heavy feeling in her heart.

"Bad." Jane choked on the word. "When Hope found her, she wasn't breathing and hadn't been for a while."

Maura let out a tiny whimper.

"She's in ICU and they're doing the best they can."

"Jane, tell me. Please. I feel fine. What happened? Why were Sasha and I in London? Last I checked she wasn't well enough to sit up, much less travel halfway around the world."

Jane sighed. "It is too much for you, too soon. What is the last thing you remember?"

"Kate coming to Boston," Maura whispered. "More happened, didn't it? I can see it in your face, Jane."

Jane sighed. "A lot, Maura but you weren't-all there. You weren't yourself. Something went wrong with the surgery and it did something to you. I don't really understand it."

Maura sighed as her head throbbed more. "Just tell me."

Jane rubbed Maura's forehead. "I can't, Maur. Not yet. Go to sleep, pretty girl."

Maura shook her head. "No. Not until I see Sasha. Please, Jane."

"It'll help," Hope said from the doorway. "She's been asking for you."

Maura felt dizzy but fought against it as Jane lifted her from the bed and into the chair. She didn't protest, anxious to see her sister. The bright lights of the hall hurt her eyes and she kept them closed until she was wheeled into a dimly lit room similar to her own. Jane wheeled her to the bed and Maura grabbed Sasha's hand.

"I'm here. I don't know what happened but I'm not leaving you."

"It worked," Sasha said weakly. "I missed you."

"You won't tell me either?"

Sasha shook her head. "It isn't my place to tell. Talk to Elise because she's the one who discovered what was wrong and fixed it."

Maura nodded slowly as she watched Sasha's eyes flutter shut again, the mere act of speaking exhausting her frail strength.

Over the next few days, Sasha's condition improved. She slept a lot, but when she was awake she wasn't thrilled to see Maura, nor did she get upset when Maura wasn't there. She asked for Hope, Jane or Cailin to help her. Never Maura. Maura had nearly killed her in her delusional state. Sasha could not handle another relapse.

"She had me trapped," Sasha told Jane. "I know she never would've hurt me, but she wasn't herself. The Maura we know wasn't there. I know the serum is no longer in her system, but the thought of her alone here with me scares me. She's my sister. I don't want to be scared of my sister." Her words were choked by tears.

"I'm so sorry, honey," Jane said. "How can I help you overcome this fear?"

"I don't know. She won't hurt me. She never hurt me she just-the compassion was gone. She was like a robot." Sasha pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't believe I just said that about my own sister."

"I would never hurt you," Maura said from the doorway. "Why are you afraid of me? Why won't you let me touch you? Why don't you want me near you? I love you. You're my other half." Maura's body shook with quiet sobs.

"I'm sorry, Maura. I just don't get what was happening. If Elise could help me see what went wrong and why it's better, I could feel right again. I want to," Sasha said.

Maura shot a glare at both Sasha and Jane and ran from the room, her heels heard long after she headed down the hall.

"Maura!" Jane cut her off at the elevator. "I'm sorry. It wasn't my place to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Maura screamed. "What did I do to make my sister hate me?"

Footsteps echoed behind Maura and she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"I'll tell you," Elise offered.

"Thank you," said Maura. "At least you're willing to be honest with me."

"Promise me you won't blame yourself," Elise asked.

"I'll try." Maura wiped a lone tear from her eye.

"It wasn't your fault." Elise was firm.

"But my sister is frightened of my mere presence," Maura lamented.

"I can help," Elise said. Relief flooded Maura's face.

"Can you talk to Sasha? Tell her why it all happened? If you can, that is."

Elise smiled at her niece. "Yes. I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"Ok, I'm ready," Maura declared. "Tell me." There was a slight quiver in her voice. "This is necessary to know."

Elise glanced at Maura with compassion. "All right."

"The thing I remember clearly is Kate coming to Boston for rehab." Maura stared at her feet. "After that, it's a blur." She fought the tears that were coming on with the memories. "That is all I can tell you until I woke up and asked Jane why I was in a hospital."

Elise knew it would be a long conversation, but it had to start somewhere. "There was a problem with the chips in your brain," she began.

Maura arched a brow. "Problem? What kind of problem?" Her heart started to pound. From the look on Elise's face, this did not look good.

"There was a type of serum in the chips and when Liza and I removed them, a lot of serum was left behind. It wasn't detected, but it's why your behavior the last couple of weeks has been-how should I put this-not typical."

Maura's frown deepened. "What did I do? Did I hurt Sasha in any way?"

"Not physically, no. You left your daughter with Jane and told her to raise Kaylee."

The abandonment, rushing off to France, telling her family Sasha was dead. All of it felt like a punch in the gut. By the time the conversation ended, Maura was huddled on the floor, sobbing in Jane's arms. How could she have acted so terribly and not known it? How could she have entrapped her sister like that after what Sasha had gone through? Jane continued to hold her, but her soothing words were lost in Maura's intense sobs.

"Sasha?" Jane asked once she and Elise got a still sobbing Maura back to her room. "She knows and she's not taking it well. Hope doesn't want to sedate her if she can avoid it."

"I'd wait," Elise said. "She's not strong enough. She might not be and Hope might have to sedate her anyway. She's terribly upset."

"Sedate her but bring her in here," Sasha said and at Elise's look of hesitation, said, "I'll be okay. I know she's not hurt, not in a coma, not ill. She's sleeping. Mom explained it all. I know it wasn't her fault but having her with me when she's sleeping will help both of us. I won't let my fear keep me from my sister. If I can handle being around her when she's asleep, I can learn to be with her when she's awake."

Maura was still sobbing and it led Elise to check her pulse, which was skyrocketing. She had become so weak that could not even stand by herself, so Jane carried her back to her room. Elise began setting up an IV.

"She needs sedation." Jane was flatly factual.

"Then we can abide by Sasha's wishes and put then together. However, Hope is going to have to do the same for Sasha. Her numbers are nearing relapse."

In a few moments, Jane was carrying Maura to the bed next to Sasha's. They were both groggy but not entirely out yet. Sasha glanced at her sister but did not look scared but sympathetic. Hope pushed another injection into her IV and she was soon completely under. Maura's was less powerful, but she followed her sister into unconsciousness.

"What now?" Jane asked as she watched the twin sisters lying still in slumber.

"We wait and hope that they'll be less anxious when they wake up," Elise stated. "And that Sasha doesn't go into a full bore relapse like when we arrived. She's on the edge already."

Jane nodded, not trusting her voice.

"We may need to put her under far enough to require the vent again," Elise continued.

Jane couldn't contain her tears.

"But it would be for her own good to keep the relapse at bay instead of waiting for her to crash," Elise continued.

Maura let her mind come out of sleep, though why she felt so out of it still remained a mystery. The last thing she remembered was sobbing in Jane's arms-oh! She blinked, trying to clear away the fogginess. Her chest hurt with more threats of sobs but she forced them back. She needed to be lucid to talk to Sasha. To apologize. She sat up and ignoring the spinning, walked the few steps to her sister's bed. Her knees gave way when she reached the bed and she grabbed her sister's hand.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If you never want to see me again I'll leave. I love you so much. I don't want to be away from you but I'll do it-for you." Tears ran down her cheeks and clogged her throat. "I never want you to be scared of me."

Sasha stirred and opened her eyes. "I don't want to be scared," she whispered. "I felt trapped-like I was back in that house. You weren't yourself. It was the serum. I know that."

Maura could not contain her tears. "What do you want me to do? I'll do whatever you want."

"Don't leave. No more leaving. We need you, Maura. We all love you."

Maura nodded with tears still coming. "Then I'll stay. I promise."

"Good." Sasha closed her eyes in weariness.

"How long was I out?" Maura asked.

"Four days," Sasha said with her eyes still closed. "I was too. I relapsed, but it wasn't your fault. My throat is still sore from the tube."

"I'm sorry," Maura whispered.

"What you need to know is how desperate I was when you left. You don't cause setbacks. Knowing you're there prevents them. Without you, my heart literally stopped beating."

Maura cried even harder. "I'm not going anywhere," she promised.

"Good," Sasha said as she started to drift back to sleep. She patted the bed beside her. "Stay."

Maura climbed into the bed as her heart swelled with gratitude for a second chance with Sasha. She hugged her sister carefully and laid her head down beside her. They were both peacefully asleep in no time. Hope came in the doorway and smiled at her daughters.

They slept for hours and when Maura awoke the room was draped in darkness. She felt Sasha stir beside her and she pressed a kiss to her cheek. "I'm here. We're both safe."

Sasha yawned and linked her fingers with Maura's. "Why is it so dark in here?" Her voice was quiet, scared.

"Because it's dark outside. I'd turn on a light, but I don't think I can move." Maura held her sister tighter. "You're safe. I'm right here."

"Keep talking," Sasha murmured. "Tell me a story."

"It's me you're talking to. I'm not Anna," Maura answered. She ran her fingers through Sasha's hair. "Did I tell you how Jane and I met?"

"No. How?" In the darkened room Sasha's voice was quiet and small.

"She worked in the drug unit and came in the cafe dressed as a prostitute. I thought she was a prostitute. I offered to buy her breakfast. Yogurt for the Vitamin D she was obviously suffering due to her night work."

Sasha gave a quiet laugh.

Feeling her sister tremble in her arms, Maura kept talking about whatever she thought might distract Sasha from the darkness. She felt a choked tear in her throat as she wondered why their mother or aunt didn't take care of this. They knew how traumatized Sasha was by the dark. Maura held on tighter with every passing minute.

"I am a ding dong," Sasha muttered and through a tiny slit in the door Maura could make out what looked like a remote control. Sasha pressed a button and a dim light turned on overhead. "Yeah, real smart, Sasha. Really smart."

Maura laughed into Sasha's shoulder. "I'm sorry, but you just spent the last hour shaking in my arms. The light was right there the whole time."

"No need to rub it in," Sasha said playfully. "You're supposed to sympathize with my ineptitude. Not everyone is the great Maura Isles."

"I'm not so great right now. I can't remember how many pairs of shoes I own," Maura muttered.

Sasha snorted. "Oh yeah, such a tragedy."

Maura gave her a gentle smack on the shoulder. "You've been around Jane way too long."

"What about you? Miss I Can't Lie."

"I can't lie," Maura argued. She stared at the clock on the wall. "No wonder we're alone. It's two in the morning."

"I'm so awake and finally not scared."

Maura linked their hands together. "It's so amazing that we're the same. The exact same."

"Yes it is. I wouldn't have it any other way. Please don't ever leave."

"Never." Maura shifted on the bed. "Will you hate me if I go do what all mammals do?" She sat up and got to her feet. She took Sasha's phone off the table and tossed it on the bed. "Find us something to watch."

"Yes, ma'am." Sasha flicked through the episodes of Full House she had on her phone while Maura used the bathroom. "Have you ever seen Full House?" she asked once Maura joined her on the bed.

"Never heard of it. Let's watch it."

"This was my favorite show when it was on." Sasha pressed play on her phone and they took turns holding the phone.

Maura was enthralled with the large family, laughing at little Michele and the antics the older kids got into. Lying here next to her sister and watching a mindless tv show at two in the morning was something she had only dreamed about.

They watched until a nurse came into check Sasha's vitals. Once she was gone, they resumed the show.

"How is Sasha looking?" Hope asked the nurse in charge when she arrived at the hospital the next morning with Jane in toe. "And Maura..."

"Both are stable and giggling like little girls. I heard them laughing around two."

Hope was thrilled. "You have no idea how good that makes me feel to hear that," she said with the biggest smile she'd had in two years.

When she went into Maura and Sasha's room, she found her oldest daughter listening to Sasha's iPod as the younger one slept. Maura removed the earbuds when she saw her mother. "I think I wore Sasha out last night," she said in a low voice. "I was just doing whatever I could to stop the boredom but not wake her up."

Hope grinned. "Well, I won't disturb her either, but I have some very good news. You two are going home tomorrow. Back to Boston. Sasha will need the same care I've been giving her for quite a while, but she will not need to stay in the hospital."

Maura's face sobered. "Remind her of that when she objects to staying in bed with tubes."

Hope sighed. "I know. But your sister's heart did stop twice in the last month. She's blessed to be able to avoid the hospital."

"We had fun last night. I never thought that would happen again. But it did." Maura said as she picked up Sasha's phone and toyed with it.

Her mother sat down on the bed next to Maura. "What did you do? The nurse says you two were giggling like teenagers all night."

"We watched this hilarious show called Full House." Maura giggled at the thought.

"Thank God you're okay." Jane wrapped Maura in an embrace. "No more running, got it?"

Maura nodded. "No more running. I'm sorry, Jane."

Jane shushed her. "None of that. I just want you home."

Next to her, Sasha whimpered in her sleep. Maura took Sasha's trembling form into her arms. "Shhh. You're okay now. You're safe. We're both safe."

"Maura," Sasha muttered,

"I'm holding you," Maura reassured her sister.

"I want to go home," Sasha cried.

"We're leaving tomorrow," Maura informed. "Mom got us a medical flight directly to Logan."

"Really?" Sasha shifted in the bed. "Thank you, Mom. Can Maura ride in the plane with me?"

"We're all riding in the plane with you," Hope said. "I brought your iPad. You can show Maura more of your shows."

Sasha grinned at this. "Yes. We had fun last night."

"Yes, we did." Maura felt something brush up against her. She pulled back the blanket. A clear tube wrapped itself around Sasha's waist. Maura moved off the bed.

"No. Where are you going?" Sasha had a firm grip on Maura's hand.

"She's not going anywhere, sweetie. You're tangled in your IV," Hope said.

"Oh," Sasha glanced down and saw that it was true. Hope and Maura set her free from the tangle in no time. Then Maura climbed back up beside her sister and resumed holding her.

Hope exchanged a look with Jane. Sasha was worse than ever about being away from Maura. It was a good thing that Maura had promised to never run away again for Sasha's sake. Her reactions this time may pale compared to more.

"Hey, pretty girl," Maura whispered, stroking Sasha's hair. She'd fallen asleep about an hour ago and Maura and Jane spent that time talking quietly. "Open those eyes for me."

Sasha's eyes fluttered open. "You're warm," she said sleepily.

Maura held her close, careful of the IV. "I don't want to leave you but I need to go shower and get our things ready for tomorrow."

"You promised. You said you wouldn't leave," Sasha said.

"I'll come right back," Maura answered. "And when I get back we can wash your hair."

"Okay," Sasha said in a small voice.

Maura smiled in an encouraging manner and went to pack her things. Hope stayed with Sasha the whole time that Maura was gone, but Sasha still cried quietly as she waited for her sister to return.

Jane went along with Maura to help her pack expediently, so that she could be back in a faster amount of time.

"Maura, I'm worried about something," Jane said. "I think Sasha is in worse shape with trauma she was before."

"I know," Maura said. "But it's all my fault anyway," she lamented.

"No. It is not!" Jane was firm. "What happened with that serum was not your fault."

When Maura and Jane returned to the room, Sasha's eyes are red from crying and Hope looked very helpless.

"Hey, pretty girl! Want to do your hair?" Maura asked.

Sasha nodded meekly. "All right," she assented.

"Great! I'll go get the shampoo and the bowl." Maura tried to show enthusiasm. But inside she was terrified. Terrified for her sister to adjust to life again.

Sasha was all smiles and laughter again as Maura washed her hair, with Jane helping keep the bowl in place. The hour that it took passed quickly with Jane telling stories of catching suspects and cases she and Maura solved together.

"We're hiding in a closet and Maura is testing hair samples. And she starts going on and on about leather-out of the blue. Had we not been undercover, I would've laughed so hard." Water splashed out of the bowl and onto Sasha. "Whoa, Maura, don't drown your sister."

"I'm able to be dried," Sasha told Jane. "Just going home with clean hair is worth it."

"You're right," Jane said with a smile. Maura cast her a knowing look. Now was not the time for jokes. "Doing okay?"

"Yeah." Sasha gave Jane's arm a squeeze. "Maybe Maura can go next?"

"Ha! Good one, little sis!" Maura kissed her wet hair. "I showered already. I'm gonna go dump this out, okay?" She hurried into the bathroom.

Jane helped Sasha sit up and towel dry her hair.

"Thank you, Jane," Sasha said as their gazes met. "I know you're worried. About me. I know I'm dependent on Maura. I can't seem to not get terrified when she's not near. I don't want to hinder her. But I don't know what to do."

"That's a tough call," Jane said. "When we get home, we can give it more thought. Let's just get you back to Boston, ok?"

"I don't mind that you want me near," Maura said, moving to the bed. "But you're right. I don't want you relapsing every time I can't be with you. We'll figure it out. I promise. She could see the exhaustion in Sasha's eyes. "I know you're tired but we need to dry your hair. Jane's strong. She's not going to let you fall."

"I know. Just-just don't let go."

Jane's arms came around Sasha's back. "Never."

Once Maura had finished drying Sasha's hair, Jane gently leaned her back and covered her with the blankets again. Within a few minutes, she was asleep. Hope sighed and kissed her on the forehead. Tomorrow could not come fast enough. The sooner they were back in Boston, the better it would be for all involved in the circumstances.

"You need to sleep in a real bed tonight," Jane said and in an uncharacteristic manner wrapped Maura in an embrace.

"I can't. Sasha-"

"I'm going to keep her sedated, honey," Hope said. "Go with Jane. Get some good sleep. We leave early tomorrow."

Maura nodded, too tired to argue. "Stay with her. I don't want her to be alone."

"She won't be, Maura. Go sleep." She kissed Maura's forehead.

Maura did the same to Sasha. "I'll see you in a few hours, pretty girl. I love you so much."

She barely moved under the fog of Hope's sedatives, but Maura liked to think that her sister knew she was speaking to her.