Chapter 10
"Long Story Short: I Had to Take on a Bus"
It was twilight when she emerged, the sun disappearing over the crest of the city. Skyscrapers always seemed to make the light fade faster, even though they were usually bright themselves. It just wasn't the same.
She'd been down there, all day, and after everything, stepping out into the dwindling sunlight felt like she was emerging from hell itself.
How long had she been down there? Had it really been all day? How was that even possible?
She should really call someone about Hojo.
Her feet hurt. Her face hurt.
She wrapped her arms around herself, keeping her face towards the ground to avoid anyone seeing her or at least avoid the knowledge that they were looking at her.
Moving up the stairs, she tried her best to avoid the wince as sharp jabs of pain zipped along her thigh and hip. Moving was going to be painful tomorrow. Hell, moving was painful now, no doubt it wasn't going to be better overnight. She kept towards the edge of the buildings, avoiding the clusters of people that passed by like little blips on a computer screen. But no one said anything and no one gave her a second look.
Kagome shrieked when a hand clamped over her mouth, silencing her and dragging her into the dim alley way.
She was a flurry of fists and elbows as she attacked her assailant, partially convinced that Hojo had somehow escaped and beaten her here.
Her teeth sank into a finger, and she tried to lock her jaw like a bulldog.
"Fuck, wench! It's just me!" He jerked his hand from her teeth.
She let go, spinning on her heels to face him as he shook his hand, like she'd hurt him.
"Inuyasha!" Her relief was palpable. Not Hojo. It was Inuyasha. Inuyasha!
It was Inuyasha, right? Hina's words rang through her head. What if it wasn't him? Could Inuyasha be possessed? Would she even know? Hojo had seemed pretty normal at the beginning, and she hadn't realized until it was too late. Way, way too late.
"What the fuck, Kagome?" He snapped, grabbing her shoulders and shaking her. "Where the fuck have you been?"
Yeah, it was probably just Inuyasha in there.
She met his gaze, golden eyes glaring at her. He was talking, and she realized she wasn't hearing a single thing he ranted about.
His hands grabbed her face, forcing her to refocus on him.
"Kagome? What's wrong?" His eyes narrowed, darting around her figure, scrutinizing her. "What the fuck happened?"
"It's nothing. Can we just go home?"
She reached her hand up to his wrist, holding it in her grasp.
"This isn't nothing," he mumbled, staring at her again, like he was just seeing her for the first time. His thumb rolled over her cheek, right where Hojo's fist had collided with her face. His eyes narrowed, and he gripped her. "Did you fall?" He leaned closer and immediately recoiled, his hands jerking away from her skin like she'd singed him with her reiki. He sniffed his fingers, nose scrunching up.
"Inuyasha?"
"Why the fuck do you smell like him?"
Oh no.
"Inuyasha, you have to listen—"
"It's fucking everywhere!" He took a step away from her, acting almost as if he was going to cover his nose with his sleeve.
"Inuya—"
"Why is his stink all over you?"
She took a step towards him, and he moved away from her, taking a step back. He'd never done that, and Kagome recoiled from his reaction to her.
"It's not what you think!" She started.
"Why do you smell like him, Kagome?" He shouted, growling, a finger pointed at her neck. Inuyasha grabbed her upper arm and her chin, turning her head away before snuffling at her neck. His eyes widened, and he pushed her away causing her to stumble into the wall behind her. "You've got his spit all over you."
"Inuyasha, I just need for you to listen."
"Explain, Kagome!"
"I'm trying. I just need you to listen, okay? Please," she begged, near tears. She knew that he would be upset, because she'd left when she'd promised that she would stay home. When she'd promised to behave and then gone back on her word.
"Fine," he spat. "Talk."
Kagome swallowed the lump in her throat, struggling with her decisions, and not for the first time that day.
Her mouth opened, but no sound actually came out. Where should she even start? Apology? What happened?
"Kagome," he growled.
"I—" Her voice cracked, and she felt tears prickle the backs of her eyes.
"You snuck away to—to—to do that?!" He glowered at her, anger radiating off of him, an anger that she hadn't seen directed at her since he thought she was Kikyo. He swiped at the wall, a deep raking gouge into the brick. "If you wanted—God, I'm an idiot—" Before she could stop him, he twisted away from her, only glancing at her over his shoulder. "You know what? Go find Loverboy and have him take care of you. I'm done with you."
And in the same moment that he was there, he was gone in a burst of wind, disappearing to where she could not follow.
She didn't even have a chance to stop him. A chance to explain.
Kagome sank down, sliding against the cold brick, until the ground stopped her from going any further, despite how badly she wanted to sink into it and just disappear.
Turning her head towards the walkway, she noted how no one looked down the alleyway or saw her at all. They just moved on and kept going, and she felt utterly alone.
She should stand up, brush herself off and go back to the shrine, but she couldn't find it in her to move.
Inuyasha was so angry, and while he had every right to be angry at her sneaking away, the other part, the one that had really and truly upset him was not her fault. She hadn't even wanted that from Hojo! She didn't want to kiss Hojo! If there was anyone's hands she wanted on her body—well, it definitely wasn't Hojo's.
Of course, she didn't think that part was even Hojo to begin with.
But that wasn't the worst part. He deserved to be angry with her; she deserved it.
She was an idiot, and her impatience had finally cost her what she wanted most.
She was wallowing and acting like she was five, but she really didn't care at the moment.
Hina, or whatever or whomever she was now, had literally won and taken everything that Kagome had ever cared about and just smashed it across the pavement like it was nothing.
She loved Inuyasha.
Loved him more than anything.
And now? There was no way that he didn't hate her. He was always hot headed, but the way he'd leapt off? That was angry on a whole other level. Even when he was jealous of Kouga, he always made sure she was safe first. He always stayed. He'd never abandoned her anywhere before, and that set a very empty feeling to settle in the pit of her stomach.
As Inuyasha would say, she fucked this one up really good.
She covered her mouth with her hands, as a loud, albeit muffled, sob escaped her. The ground was cold under her, and the wall was cool to the touch behind her, but all she really felt was the distinct sting of her heart being unwound, thread by thread, tendon by tendon, ligament by ligament, until they exposed each and every tender part of her before setting it on fire.
It hurt, and she deserved it. She deserved every bit of it.
"Why are you still here?" A painfully familiar voice barked at her.
She looked up at him, trying to decipher if this was a dream or if it was real. Inuyasha stood before her, arms crossed.
"Well?" He asked again, staring down at her with narrowed eyes that practically retched contempt out of them.
"Inuyasha," his name came out in a whine and she sniffled loudly. It was the only thing that she could think to say.
"Yeah? So where'd the handsy bastard run off to?"
Oh, so he still thought—
Figures.
"I don't know," she whispered. How could she tell him anything?
That the idea that he'd hated her had made her life unbearable.
That she loved him.
That he really was her best friend.
That without him, it felt like she was the loneliest person on the planet.
"Wow, didn't peg you for that sort of girl, Ka-Go-Me."
He was angry, and he was taking it out on her. And she knew that. But she'd by lying if she said it didn't piss her off.
Using the wall behind her, she pushed herself to her feet, wincing as pain flared up at putting pressure on them. And for a moment, she saw the facade fracture slightly as a look of concern, fleeting and momentary, passed over his face.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, wrapping her arms around him, to keep him from fleeing from her.
"We can talk about this later," he said, reaching up to push her away, but Kagome only gripped him tighter. "Let's go."
"No!" She shouted, the sound muffled against his haori. "No, I was stupid and ran off, and I thought that I was doing the right thing—be quiet and let me finish!" She'd felt him intake a breath, probably to yell at her again, but she needed to get this out. "But I'm so, so sorry. I didn't think that—well, I didn't think! And I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry. You have no idea how sorry I am! You have no idea!"
"Kagome, stop." He ordered her, but his voice lost the sharpness in it.
"No!"
"Just stop, would you!" He snapped, and she only pressed herself harder against him, trying to keep him here so he wouldn't run off again. "We don't have time for this!" He pushed at her arms, and she scrabbled at him to keep her grip, but it was a losing battle; he would always win at battles of strength.
Kagome grabbed fistful of his sleeves as she watched his hair turn from silver to black. His ears migrated to the side of his head, and his golden eyes became dark.
"Great. Just great," he muttered, looking up at the sky and then out at the sidewalk. She followed his gaze, but the sky remained clouded and the moon obscured.
"Come on," he said, tugging his sleeves away from her and walking towards the street. She stood still, watching him walk away. "You comin'?"
Jogging to catch up to where he was, she grabbed onto his sleeve, which he jerked away from her. She pulled her hands away, wrapping them around herself.
"You know the way back to the shrine?" She asked, trying desperately to start conversation with him.
"I've been through here often enough today looking for you, so yeah, I know my way."
"I'm really sorry," she spoke quietly, intent on apologizing enough that it sunk into his head.
"You've said enough, Kagome."
She snapped her mouth shut, clacking her teeth together painfully as his admonition, allowing herself to fall a step behind and follow him as he walked, briskly, back towards the shrine. His red clothes stood out, but it made him easy to follow. He never glanced behind to see if she was there, just continued walking onward like it didn't really matter if she followed or not.
Maybe it didn't anymore.
She really was dumb, wasn't she?
Kagome let her eyes drift down to his knees and feet, following his gait without really paying attention to anything else, except the pain in her own feet and legs.
Following him as he led her back home, she knew the path, had walked it plenty of times, but she felt too much like a reprimanded child to say or do anything.
A shrill scream and screeching came from their left, and she turned her head to see a car flip onto its side and careen towards her.
A sharp gasp and a hard hit to her side sent her sprawling back towards the sidewalk and knocking her head against the curb.
"Ow," she groaned as she pushed herself up. "Inuyasha?" She looked around for him, half-expecting him to be sprawled out on top of her, but he wasn't anywhere close. He wasn't anywhere that she could see. "Inuyasha?" She called again. The sideways car had people milling all around it. "Inuyasha!"
She stood on shaky legs, trying to get see where he could've gone. There was a second group of people further away, and she took off towards them, chanting to herself that he was fine and had leapt away somewhere safe.
But he was human tonight.
"Inuyasha!"
She limped towards the crowd, pushing people aside, but it couldn't be him. It couldn't be.
Red of varying shades covered the ground, and her legs gave out when she saw bare feet. Someone grabbed her, but she flailed her arms enough that they let her go.
His back faced her, but someone was rolling him over.
How was he bleeding so much?
He never bled this much before. Ever.
A wheeze escaped him when they rolled him over, and she slid across the concrete, ignoring the blood and the scraping concrete against her knees, holding onto his hand and suppressing the urge to vomit.
"Inuyasha?"
She was going to throw up.
Something rattled in his chest, and his eyes searched for something. One of his eyes was blood red, and the pupil looked like it had exploded and engulfed his entire eye. She didn't know what that meant, only that it wasn't good.
"K—"
Blood spattered across his cheek as he tried to speak.
"I'm here," she whispered. "I'm here." She clutched onto his hand, holding it close against her.
Why weren't there any sirens? Why hadn't anyone come to help yet?
"K—" Bloody bubbles were starting to foam out of his mouth.
Punctured lung, she'd remembered reading that somewhere at least. Not good.
"It'll be okay. I swear," she promised him. "Help is coming, and they'll get you through the night, okay? Just stay with me, Inuyasha."
His eyes stared at her, and his arm twitched.
"Kik—"
Her heart froze, and she internalized her own sob.
"—yo," the last part of her name came out on an exhale, and she waited for him to inhale again, but there was just stillness.
"Inuyasha?" She squeezed his hand, but it was just still and lax. "Inuyasha?" Blood trailed out of his mouth and nose as he stared a little off center at the sky. "Please don't go," she whispered to him. "Please don't leave me here."
But he didn't move at all, and she looked up at the people milling about her and then over to the lady they were pulling out of the car through her broken windshield.
"It's not real," she told herself. "It's just a dream." She looked at him, staring at his bloodied face, the pink foam that dribbled down his cheek and chin. "It's just a dream," she told him.
She looked back at his dark eyes, still staring unceasingly at the clouded sky above.
Was it the new moon? Had she just lost track of the time?
"It's just a dream," she promised herself. "It's a dream, and we're fine. You're going to be okay, and there's nothing wrong with either of us. You'll see." She turned to the crowd, staring, searching for a familiar face. "Hina!" She shouted. "Hina! Where are you?"
She stood, faltering on her feet, as hands reached out to steady her.
"Hina!" She shouted, pushing them away.
But she wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere.
She was always there in her dreams. She was always there.
Looking back over her shoulder, she could still see him, though the crowd had dispersed a bit, as though he no longer held their interest because the most interesting part was over.
He was dead. Nothing to see here.
Sirens wailed in the distance, too little and too late now.
Hina was still nowhere to be seen or heard, and Kagome was positive that she would be there to gloat already. She always had been in the past; why would this be any different?
Which meant one thing and one thing only: Hina had nothing to do with this.
And if she had nothing to do with this, then this was—this was—her eyes watered as her legs gave out again.
This was real, wasn't it?
This was real.
This was real.
This was real.
Inuyasha was dead.
She'd killed him. She'd killed him because she wasn't paying attention, and he didn't know her time well enough to avoid dangers. And he was human. The one night that he always hated, and she'd forced him out because she wasn't willing to listen and snuck off when he was just trying to get be nice and helpful and take care of her.
And this was all her fault.
If she hadn't—he wouldn't be—Kagome leaned over and vomited, positive that she didn't entirely miss her leg in the process.
Inuyasha was dead.
It was her fault.
More vomit escaped her, dribbling down the front of her shirt as she couldn't turn away in time.
"I'm pretty sure they know each other."
"She held his hand right before, you know."
"Did you find any identification on the victim?"
"No, I didn't find anything except a locket. It looks like both of their pictures."
"What about the girl? Any identification on her?"
"No, she's been pretty out of it. Witnesses said she threw up all over herself."
"Well, can't fault the girl for that if she knew the guy. Has anyone gotten any response out of her?"
"Not yet."
"Well, we're gonna have to get one so we can contact her parents."
"Alright, give me a few, and I'll see if we can't get something out of her."
There was a grunt behind her, and she let her eyes drift towards the edge of the white sheet they'd spread over his body.
Someone had draped a blanket around her shoulders, but it wasn't warm at all. She couldn't actually feel anything. Her hands hadn't stopped shaking yet.
She couldn't stay here. She couldn't be here.
How could she go back and face everyone? How could she tell them that he was gone forever?
That it was all her fault? That it wasn't a dream?
How could she tell them?
Her hands shook as she pushed the blanket off her shoulders and stood.
Her feet didn't even hurt anymore. She actually didn't hurt anywhere anymore.
Slowly, she drifted through the crowd, walking down the sidewalk, leaving the blanket, the ambulance, the police, the white sheet that hid nothing from her memory, she left it all behind. Kagome shuffled down the street, but nothing felt like it was the same as before. The shops were dark now, the windows offered a pathetic reflection of herself. She was transparent, see-through, a partial image of herself, because what was Kagome without Inuyasha?
What was left?
She turned down into an alley, staring at the claw marks in the brick wall.
Her fingers trembled as she traced the divots in the wall. It was the last piece, the last trace, of him here with her.
Why did she lose everything that mattered to her?
Why did she screw up everything?
It was the last place that they were together, and she lowered herself down to the ground, laying on her side.
Maybe she would get lucky and freeze to death.
She could just be as cold as he was now.
Curling her arm, she pillowed her head as she pressed her back against the wall, staring at the wall, waiting for sleep to claim her, but it never came.
She shifted her head, twisting to look up at the sky, which had cleared so that she could see the barest amount of stars poking through the night sky.
How often had they stared at the stars together?
The barest sliver of the moon revealed itself, so small and thin that it provided almost no light in the dark sky.
She cried as she stared at it. She cried until snot came out of her nose, and she wanted to throw up again, but there was nothing left in her stomach.
Because none of this was real.
And then she started to laugh. Laugh so loudly and so hard that it was probably more akin to a cackle, but she didn't care. She didn't care at all.
Kagome pushed herself up to her feet.
"Hina!" She screamed. "I know you're out there! Come out and face me!" She ran out onto the sidewalk, breathless and grinning and shouting like an idiot. "Hina! You bitch!"
People were staring at her, but she didn't care.
"Hina! Get out here!"
She waited, but there was no response. She had to be here. Somewhere. She was here somewhere.
Because this couldn't be real.
It couldn't.
It wasn't.
Soft whisperings and mutterings of other people sounded around her, but she didn't care. They weren't real. They didn't matter. Only one thing mattered.
Headlights appeared in her peripheral, and she knew what would draw her out, what would force her hand like it always did.
"Fine! Have it your way!" She waited a heartbeat longer, and then ran full out into street. Hands tugged at her clothes as she ran past, but she wasn't going to stop or be stopped. Nothing was going to keep her from this.
The horn sounded, low and loud, and the moment before the bus struck her, a fleeting thought whisked past.
What if this wasn't a dream?
By then though, it was too late. Bones crunched in the impact and her body sailed out and over amid screams and shrieks and mechanical screeching.
She struck the hard concrete and rolled several times over until she was facing the empty street before her. The pain was excruciating, and she could feel her body failing around her.
She could feel herself shutting down even though her body tried to work around punctured organs and broken bones and blood vessels; she could still see and know and understand.
Her eyes drifted towards the sky, clouded and obscured. She whimpered, though it was more of a soft exhale. Had she imagined it all? Her one singular hope, dead and dying.
And she understood.
This was what dying felt like. This is what he'd felt.
Familiar feet came to stand in front of her. A loud sigh huffing out in utter exasperation.
Well, fuck.
He leapt out of the well, and into the trees, running far enough away from the village so that no one would follow him.
He had to take a break. He had to leave and get away from all those smells for just a little bit. He couldn't take it. Everything burned his nose and the one place that smelled familiar was corrupted with the notion that she'd abandoned him to go hang out with that pathetic little human twerp who could do fuck all to save her from anything beyond a splinter!
How dare she! How could she do that! To him, of all people!
He'd thought—he growled, pausing in his run to rip a tree out the ground and send it flying out into the air before leaping up and obliterating it with his claws until only splinters and pieces too small for kindling littered the ground below.
But that didn't satisfy the—the—the whatever it was simmering just beneath the surface of his skin.
He'd thought that things were going well. She'd been in need of help, and he was helping. He was being useful and good, and he'd thought that they'd—well, that didn't matter now.
It felt like—
It felt like—
It felt like Kikyo.
All over again and it stung just as hard as it did the first time.
He should have known!
Another tree fell under his claws.
He should have known.
Nothing good can last.
Not for him. Not for hanyou.
He laughed at the notion that he could ever be happy or have nice things. He was a hanyou! The world spat in his face about such nonsense.
Another tree splintered down on the earth below, and it wasn't enough to settle the roaring wave of betrayal and loss that wanted him to just let go and feel everything all at once.
He'd lost her.
After all this, he'd lost her to some stupid human boy who'd never be able to protect her and-
He sneered at himself. Who was he kidding?
He never had her. He would never be the one that she—He ripped another tree out of the earth and threw it into the freshly made clearing he'd created in his—temper tantrum, for lack of a better word.
He'd never really lost her, because he'd never had her.
Maybe she never wanted a hanyou. Maybe she'd always wanted a human all along.
God. He ran a hand down his face.
"Just fucking great."
Why did he feel so fucking guilty?
Scrubbing his face, he stared at the jagged tree line and then up at the stars that were just starting to appear.
The sky was clear.
It would be a good night to look at stars.
Ah, fuck.
He never liked looking at them before Kagome, and now it was one of the first things he did in the evening, check the sky for the stars.
It was—he swallowed, tearing his eyes away from the twilight sky, and staring at the ground below.
He didn't need her.
He didn't need anyone.
He'd survived how many fucking years on his own?
He did it once; he could do it again. He could.
If he really wanted to.
But damn him if he didn't want to.
"Kagome?" The sound of his voice cut through the blackness. "Kagome!" A dream? "Shit! Fuck!" A rough shake of her shoulders. "Wake up!"
She opened her eyes slowly, but the piercing light of day still blinded her.
"What the fuck happened to you?"
Her eyes took a moment to register the deja vu, but the familiar swatch of red fabric and silver hair practically punched her in the face.
"Inuyasha?"
"Who else would it be?" She pushed herself up, though he helped some. "Fuck, Kagome, do you have any idea how long I've been—oof!" She threw herself at him, threw her entire body weight at him, sending them both sprawling backwards.
"This is real, right? Please say that it's real," she whispered, trying her hardest to not cry.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm not dreaming?" He sat up, bringing her with him, but she wasn't about to pull away. "Right?"
"Kagome, what the fuck happened? And why do you smell like that little human prick?"
"It's not important!"
Inuyasha pried at her arms, which were wrapped tightly around his chest.
"Kagome—"
"No!"
"Kagome, let go," he argued, grabbing her elbows and tugging on them, albeit gently, to break her hold on him.
"No! I'm not letting go of you!"
"Kagome," he growled, irritated with her, and he could be as irritated as he wanted to be, but she wasn't letting him go. Not today, not ever again.
"No! No!"
"Fucking hell, woman! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Nothing!" She clamped her arms tighter around him, so tight that her stitches were starting to pull, but she'd rip them all out if it meant that he was safe and alive again.
She didn't care if this was her dying dream, the last vestiges of consciousness lacing together a dream that made her happy in her final few minutes, she didn't care. She'd take it and hold onto it until it all faded away into nothingness.
Oh God, she was crying.
Like that wasn't going to send up red flags.
"Why are you crying?" His voice was panicked, and he stopped pulling at her arms.
"I'm not!"
Her grip had weakened in his momentary lapse of tugging at her arms, and in that moment, he broke her grip, holding her at arm's length to stare at her.
"What—the—fuck,—Kagome?" He growled out, shaking her once to get his point across.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry." The punishing grip of his fingers lessened slightly, and she ran with the hope that he was listening and wouldn't run away.
She'd follow him this time. She'd follow him every step of the way. "I should've stayed. It was stupid, and I'm sorry." Her fingers found their way to grip onto his sleeve, and she twisted them into the fabric so tightly that if he threw her away, they would probably snap and break in the twisting fabric. But anything to hold onto him. "I'm so sorry, Inuyasha! You have to—" she stopped herself from repeating a phrase from before. "I—I can't even tell you how much I regret it." She took a deep, but trembling, breath. "Just please don't leave."
She sniffled, trying to abate the tickle in her nose as it tried to run.
Inuyasha remained silent, but she was too afraid to look at his face, and instead, opted to stare at his chest, at the familiar folds of fabric that crossed over each other.
He was staring. She could feel it.
"What happened?" He asked, voice low and cool, detached almost, void of his usual passion.
She deserved it. She really did, she reminded herself.
"I don't know."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"I don't know!"
"Would you say something that makes sense?"
"I can't tell," she swallowed, "I can't tell what was real."
"What the fuck?" He hissed.
"I don't even know if this is real. You were—" The words stuck in her throat. "And then I—" She swallowed again. She could feel the bile rising up in her throat. She swallowed it down again. She was not going to be sick. She was not!
Inuyasha seemed to sense it at the same time she did, releasing her as she wrenched to the side to spew out what little food was in her stomach. The acid burned her throat and nose, and she might have whimpered at the feeling of bile seeping back up.
Some of it didn't make it on the concrete. Of that, she was absolutely positive. But her eyes were so blurred by her crying, she couldn't tell how bad it was.
"Okay," he paused as she dry heaved, spittle dripping from her lips. "Fuck," Inuyasha mumbled beside her. Her stomach dry-heaved with vigor, forcing retching sounds from her throat but with the added satisfaction of nothing actually being produced except drool.
His hand rubbed lightly along her spine, and it was somewhat soothing.
"You good?" He asked, and she nodded, only to heave a second later, because her body wasn't going to let her out that easily. He sighed, obviously willing to sit with her until it passed. Another retch, this one wrenching muscles deep down in her abdomen. "Shit, that one sounded like it hurt."
She whimpered in agreement, waiting for the next one to hit. Her stomach was clenched in preparation, though it was a fifty-fifty shot whether that actually helped or not.
But nothing else jerked her stomach, and she set further back on her haunches.
"You done?" He asked, and she waited a second before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, and then giving a slow nod, afraid to upset her stomach even more than it already was. She let her eyes drift up to his face, and she watched his eyes narrow as he looked her over.
"What?" She whispered.
"What the fuck happened to you?"
"It's nothing, I swear! I—"
"You call this fucking 'nothing'?" He snarled at her, making a sweeping gesture to the alley that they were in. "You've been gone all fucking day! You smell like that little prick all fucking over, and it looks like someone fucking beat you! I find you passed out on the ground, and you want to call all that fucking 'nothing'?" He grabbed her shoulders, squeezing firmly but still gently. "What the fuck happened, Kagome?"
Her mind reeled at having this conversation again.
Of it ending poorly, again. Of losing him, again.
"Inuyasha," she swallowed down the bile that rose up in her throat.
"Start talking!" He barked at her, and she flinched. "You left with that little human brat, and now, you've got his fucking smell all fucking over you. What did you do with him, Kagome?"
The accusation hurt, almost worse the second time, because of all people, he should know better.
She loved him. She loved him! And he thought that she would just—give all that away to whomever showed up at her door?
She pushed herself to her feet, and he rose with her, steadying her with a hand on her elbow as she wobbled, using the wall as another support. She wanted to be standing when she yelled at him.
"What did I do? Yeah, I went with him because he was willing to take me to Hina's grave when everyone else has ignored me or treated me like—like a—like an invalid!" Kagome retorted, her anger gathering steam. "He was the only one who listened! So you don't get to imply that I ran off just to make out with him!"
"Hey!" He snapped back at her. "You fucking smell like—"
"Don't you dare put on that holier-than-thou attitude and act like I'm some sort of—I don't know!—harlot!" She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart, because how dare he insinuate such a thing! Oh was she on a roll now! "So take a really good look, you stupid, arrogant, idiot! Does it look like I was a willing participant?" She hissed as she spread her arms wide to show off her torn and obviously rumpled clothing. It was meant to absolve her of guilt in his eyes. That she wasn't one to go traipsing about with just anyone. That she would let just anyone do that to her.
Inuyasha's glower turned dark and malevolent.
"What?" His voice was sharp and cutting, like the sound itself had formed an edge sharp enough to cut deep into the flesh, but while he spoke to her, the blade of his voice was not directed at her.
He took a step towards her, and she took a couple steps back, hands raising in front of her as if to placate the incensed hanyou.
"Inuy—"
"You are going to tell me exactly what he did to you," he seethed as his eyes scanned over her, obviously focusing on some of the more visible marks, the clear evidence of any type of assault. She already regretted saying anything at all.
"Please, calm down."
His breathing became short and quick, like a dog's when they snuffled along the ground for a scent. Inuyasha was preparing to hunt.
"You tell me that he forced himself on you, and you want me to calm down?" His voice grew louder at each word that he spoke. He glanced at the opening to the alleyway for a second before taking a breath.
"Two seconds ago you were acting like it was my fault! And it wasn't that bad. He only really hit me once," she countered, grimacing as the words vomited out of her mouth in a stream of pure disaster, as her attempt to tone down his anger went up in smoke and ash and flame, and she knew exactly when it happened.
"Only hit—" He cut himself off with a snarl, striking the wall beside her. Claw marks ran down the brick as he snarled, loud and low and animalistic.
Kagome did the only thing she could think of. Wrapping her arms around his torso, she buried her face into his sternum, holding onto him as tightly as her pathetic human arms could manage.
"Please, don't leave me!"
Another deep breath on a slow exhale and his arms fell back to his sides, the rigidity slipping away from his form piece by piece.
She'd been prepared to launch into a tirade full of begging and bribing him to stay, to not run off and hunt down Hojo, who was already having as equally a shitty day as she was, but that was apparently unnecessary.
"What the fuck did he do to you?" He asked, waiting for her answer, but she gave him nothing except the nuzzling of his chest. "Tell me what he did, so I know how many times I need to kill him."
She sniffled and giggled at his response, not bothering to look up at him. She could tell from the sound of his voice that he wasn't looking at her either.
"I'm pretty sure you can only kill someone once."
"Not if I steal Tensaiga. I could revive him and kill him again. Maybe even three times, if I'm lucky." She didn't let him go as they stood there, but she could feel the regret seeping back into her mind.
How could he—why was he so forgiving?
She'd practically abandoned Hojo in those tunnels, alone and possibly still possessed; it was too hard to say if any of that had been real. She'd practically shoved Inuyasha in front of that car to die. She didn't deserve his trust and kindness, not today. Maybe not ever again.
The thought of losing him yet again, the uncertainty of what was real and what had been an illusion, because—what if this was a dream? What if this wasn't real, and what was real was Inuyasha's death? She couldn't—she couldn't take leaving him, the living version, and going back to—to that.
She pulled away as her stomach revolted, and she leaned over to retch up nothing but drool and what little bile existed, still managing to burn its way up.
When her legs collapsed under her, Inuyasha managed to make sure that she didn't land in her own upchuck. He waited, holding her hair back at the nape of her neck as she gagged, until she was done and caught her breath.
"We gonna talk about it now?"
She shook her head as her stomach lurched again. His claws ticked against the concrete, and she was already waiting for the explosion she'd delayed by being sick.
"Think you can handle me taking you back to the shrine?"
She gave him a slow nod, reaching her hand up, hesitating in her reach, but he grabbed her hand firmly, hauling her up to her feet. She wobbled and must've turned an odd color, because he waited for a moment before moving further.
"You'll tell me if I need to stop?" He let go of her hand to shift his grip as she gave him a slight nod. "We'll go slow," he promised as he knelt down in front of her. She grabbed onto his shoulders, easing herself onto his back. Grabbing her legs, he waited for a moment, glancing at her over his shoulder before leaping up to the top of the building.
The sudden lurching movement made her stomach twist, and she groaned, and Inuyasha, bless him, waited for a moment before leaping to the next one.
To her credit, she made it five whole leaps before she grunted, scrambling off his back and landing on her knees as she hacked and heaved up the absolute emptiness in her stomach.
He sighed and rubbed her back as she coughed up nothing.
"Sorry," she mumbled between heaves.
He didn't say anything about it, but waited for her to finish before tucking her up and starting the process all over again.
It was late afternoon when they made it back to the shrine. Her ability to travel long distance was severely hampered by her stomach's refusal to not empty itself every five minutes.
They were at the bottom of the stairs, and he paused before heading up.
"Think you can handle a couple more jumps?" He asked her, turning his head slightly. "Going through the front door is probably a bad idea."
"How mad was she?" Kagome asked, staring up at the red torii gate.
"Uh, well, she didn't look happy about it, but she didn't look angry either."
"Great," she muttered.
Her mother was probably pissed that she'd deliberately left without a word as to where she'd be, and she was probably going to be grounded.
Maybe if she just didn't go home . . .
"Can we go back? To Kaede's?" She asked him, and he seemed to consider it.
"You need a bath." That was all he said, and then he leapt up to the top of the stairs and then to the branches of the Goshinboku. Her window was open, and he effortlessly climbed in with her on his back, setting her on the sill as he listened for a moment.
Taking a deep breath, she focused on the sounds of the house, trying to calm her riotous innards.
She needed a bath because she smelled like Hojo. She needed a bath because she smelled like a dirty alley way.
He turned away, looking towards the door.
"Sounds like they're all downstairs," he told her, and she watched him as he stood apart from her. "I'll go tell them that you're back."
"Thank you."
"You take a bath, and then, we'll talk."
She nodded, not bothering to argue, because what was the point? He'd been right. He'd been totally and completely right. He turned away from her, heading towards her door, and she reached out to him for just a moment before retracting it back to her side.
"Inuyasha?" She called, and he paused in opening the door, not looking at her, but waiting all the same. "Thank you."
"Keh," was all he said as he left, and she swallowed down the tears and the rolling nausea.
Right. There was nothing else to do except bathe off the scent of boy from her skin.
She grabbed a change of clothes and wandered into the bathroom, turning on the shower. She didn't even want to look at herself in the mirror, opting to keep her head down and away from the glass.
Scrubbing until her skin was pink and red, she felt like she'd done enough to get Hojo's scent off so that it would stop upsetting him. She even went so far as to take the nail brush and scrub under her nails until the soft skin there felt raw to the touch. Her hair and neck was washed twice, and she scrubbed both almost violently to ensure that she only smelled like herself and nothing and no one else.
She'd only gagged once, on her knees as the water poured over her skin, feeling like she should throw up but unable to.
Satisfactorily cleaned, she toweled her hair before pulling it into a bun, changing into her pajamas before she went into her bedroom to wait.
It felt like she was being punished, not that she didn't deserve it, but all the waiting just added to her already ramped up nerves. Not seeing him set her on edge, and while she knew that he was just downstairs, talking to her family, the sight of him lifeless in the street still made her wonder.
What parts of it were real? What parts were just dreams?
As if called by her thoughts, her door opened, and he walked in carrying a steaming mug that smelled a lot like ramen.
"Your mom thought you might want to eat something before you went to bed." He handed her the mug, holding onto it a second longer than needed as he made sure she had a good grip on it. "Told her you weren't feeling well."
"That's an understatement," she muttered, swirling the noodles around with her chopsticks.
The smell was already making her nauseous.
"Here. I don't think I could stomach it at the moment." She held the mug out to him, and he took it, his other hand holding out a package of crackers to her.
"Figured, so I snagged these too."
The crackers were bland enough that she took one and munched on it as she sat on her bed. Inuyasha slurped the noodles from the cup.
"Can we go?" She asked quietly, sipping from the bottle of water on her nightstand left there from yesterday. "To Kaede's?"
He stared at her as he chewed his noodles, and she looked down at the floor as she nibbled at the cracker.
"We can," he said, taking a bite of his, well her, noodles.
"Good, I can—"
"After you tell me what the shit is going on."
"I—I can't."
The crackers suddenly felt like little rocks in her stomach, and she sincerely hoped that he would get the subtext.
"What do you mean 'you can't'?" He asked, eyes narrowing at her statement.
He did not get the subtext.
"Please, I—I can't." She couldn't risk her family's lives. She couldn't take a chance that something would happen to them, because she couldn't obey a few rules.
He set the mug on her nightstand before shifting so that he was kneeling in front of her.
"Why?" He asked.
"Please, Inuyasha," she met his gaze, trying to get him to understand. He wasn't dumb, but—
"Six little birds," came the sound of Hina's voice singing from the window. "Six little birds."
Kagome's eyes widened as she saw the shape of Hina swinging her feet from where she sat on the sill of her window.
"Well, I suppose it's five little birds now." Hina laughed.
"Kagome? What is it?"
"It—" Her eyes drifted back to over to Hina.
"Shall we make it four little birds?" She asked, leaning forward, fingers gripping the sill so tightly they turned white as her eyes drifted to the back of Inuyasha's head.
Tears ran down Kagome's cheek in a clear line.
"Kagome? Talk to me!" She felt the prick of his claws as he gripped her thighs.
"Say the word, Kagome, and I can make it four." She held up her hand, examining her nails before flicking her eyes towards Inuyasha then Kagome.
"Kagome?"
He moved into her line of sight, forcing her to refocus entirely on him. His golden eyes shifted between her own, trying to read something there.
"Just one word, Kagome!" Hina shouted, and her gaze drifted up and over his shoulder. "It's not hard. I'll even make it quick."
"Kagome," he repeated, and this time there was no stopping the sob that tore out of her chest as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He stiffened under her touch, and that made her cry all that harder for it.
"One word! That's all it would take!"
"Don't go," she whispered, low enough that she knew that he could still hear her, but Hina might not.
"Keh," he scoffed. "And where would I go?"
"Kagome!"
She flinched at the sharp shout.
"Please," she whispered. "Please, can we go? I can't stay here. I can't stay—" Her words broke off into a muttering mess of 'I can't's and various sorts of begging and pleading.
Inuyasha forcibly pulled her away, holding her at arm's length and staring intently. She crumbled in on herself, crying almost hysterically.
"I'm gonna go get your mother," he stated, starting to move away from her, but she moved quicker than he did for once, grabbing his sleeves in her fists before he could let go of her.
"No! She's going to think something's wrong!"
"And there's fucking not? What do you call this?" He gestured vaguely to her crying mess of a person in front of him. "I don't—what the fuck am I supposed to do?"
"Take me to Kaede's!"
"Alright, well, that seems like a terrible idea," he deadpanned.
"No, it's not! I swear!" She argued, gripping his wrists where he held her. "Please!"
She could see the internal battle taking place. She needed to see Kaede, because she, of all people, would know how to fix this mess, and she'd believe her if she said that she was being haunted by spirits—well, spirit.
Kaede could help.
And Hina wouldn't be able to follow her there.
She would be safe. Inuyasha would be safe. Her family—Kagome's thoughts stuttered. She wouldn't really hurt her family?
She wouldn't be breaking the rules. Well, not on this side of the well at least, but Hina would never know that.
"Not all night, but just for a visit. A short visit even!"
A compromise. Kagome was good at compromises. She could compromise the shit out of this if it got her what she wanted.
"Please!"
"Mmm, Kaede," Hina mused, finger tapping against her cheek as she reclined back against the wall. "Sounds like I'll have more little birds to play with soon."
Kagome glanced over Inuyasha's shoulder, refocusing back on him a moment later.
"A quick visit. We'll be back before nightfall."
"Sure, let's go!" She started to stand, but Inuyasha pushed her back onto the bed.
"No games, Kagome. We are leaving before nightfall."
"Sure, just let me change?"
He let out a low growl but released her shoulders.
"Fine. You've got two minutes before I leave your ass."
She jumped up, nearly knocking him, and herself, over in the process as she scrambled to find something that wouldn't reveal too many injuries, darting off towards the bathroom to change. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror, wincing at the darkening bloom of blue stretching out over her jaw. It had started to swell a little too. She pressed a finger against it, wincing at the dull throb that shot up into her ear. Why did she always poke her bruises knowing that it would hurt?
She needed to put ice on it, but Kaede was more important.
Kaede would fix this mess. Kagome pulled the shirt on over her head.
"I hope that you don't think that you're going to get away from me," Hina asked.
"Go away," Kagome muttered, pulling her shirt over her head, tugging it down firmly before heading back out to the hallway.
Hina grabbed her arm, twisting it behind her back, as her hair was used for leverage to wrench her head back.
"You should really be nice to me, Kagome," Hina laughed, twisting Kagome's arm so that her palm nearly rested on her shoulder blade.
"Kagome," Inuyasha said as he opened the door. Hina released her with a firm shove, and she crashed into his chest. "You okay?" He asked.
"Fine. Let's go," Kagome said, rubbing the already bruised flesh on her wrist, as she darted past him and towards her room.
"Now, hold on a minute," he growled, following her, snagging her elbow as she went back into her room, but she was already tossing her window up and making to climb out onto the ledge on her own. "Hey! Hold the fuck up!"
He hauled her bodily back into the room, glaring at her.
"You can wait a fucking second before tossing yourself off the roof, you idiot. I said I'd take you, didn't I?"
Letting her climb onto his back, he climbed through the window, leaping down to the ground below and then off towards the well house.
"Don't know what's climbed up your ass today," he grumbled as he pushed the door open, leaping inside and allowing the time slip to pass them by before he landed on solid ground half a millenia in the past, but he hesitated. "We're leaving at nightfall, got it?"
"Yeah, sure!" She answered, and he growled lowly before leaping out and towards Kaede's hut.
She could fix everything.
Because Kagome didn't know what she was going to do if Kaede didn't have an answer for her.
A/N: That end scene really bothers me, but I think it's a mix of struggling with the chapter and then just having it for so long that I don't know what to do with it. They needed to go to Kaede's, but getting them there was a nightmare. I literally sat here, staring at this chapter, going, "I love and hate you so much." And then I figured that I'd sat long enough on it that I should probably just let it be and post it.
Anyway, I'm so sorry that it's been almost a full month before you guys get a new chapter, so I really (really!) hope that this was worth the wait and that it does not disappoint.
So please let me know what you think! I love you all!