Harry Potter was a remarkably brave lad.

At the mere age of fifteen months, he had vanquished the Dark Lord. Then at the very end of his first year—because although Lord Voldemort was a diabolical maniac, he held Harry's education in surprisingly high regard— he had faced the evil wizard once more and lived to tell the tale.

But despite these displays of bravery, he was still woefully naive. No one could fault him for that though, since after everything he'd been through, he was still a child after all.

The revelation and true meaning behind the Incident™️ will dawn on him when he's nearly sixteen. And when that does happen, he'll spend the remainder of the week wishing he could go back in time and knock some sense into his twelve year old self, or even better: carve his brains out just to banish that particular memory forever. But unfortunately for him, such is not the case.

If there's one thing he can confirm is that his twelve year old self was an utter idiot.

Currently he was only twelve and therefore blissfully ignorant to the corrupt labyrinth of hidden meanings and double entendres. If only he knew that one small, tiny conversation would come back to haunt him over the years.

It's probably not as dramatic as it sounds but Harry gets the final say on things since he'd actually lived through the Incident™️.

It all started out when Harry decided to go to Sirius's office one afternoon for lunch. A seemingly innocent afternoon that would in a few years leave him wishing he'd just stayed home instead.

Summer was nearly over and the new term began in less than a fortnight. Sirius and Harry had returned from their holiday in Corsica, a trip that could've only been described as unreal.

Sirius had reapplied for the Auror exam and had aced both, the theory and practical parts. He had therefore not only been reinstated, but also promoted to Senior Auror.

Cutting to the present, Harry stepped out of the floo at the Ministry, their lunch neatly packed and stored in a backpack which contained all of Harry's favourites.

Sirius would definitely remark on how he'd successfully swayed their house elf Becky to his side in less than two months.

It wasn't uncommon for Harry to show up for lunch. It was either here or at Black Manor when his friends came over.

The initial plan was that Ron and the twins would drop by that day for lunch and quidditch but that had gone sideways when he'd received a letter from his best friend about the twins' latest invention that had gone awry.

Apparently Fred and George had been experimenting with one of their products and Ron was the unfortunate test subject. Things hadn't turned out as planned and poor Ron had developed rashes all over his person. In conclusion, the twins were grounded for the foreseeable future and Ron was to rest until his mum said otherwise.

He'd snickered before feeling bad for his best mate.

The Auror department was one of the busiest ones in the ministry, even when they weren't in the middle of a war or certain doom.

Men and women went about their jobs, barking orders, writing up reports… whatever it was that they did. Harry wasn't sure how everything worked. It was mostly empty that afternoon since nearly everyone had gone for lunch.

"Harry? Here for lunch I suppose?"

Hestia Jones strode over with a kind smile. "Auror Black is in a meeting right now with Madam Bones. He'll be done any minute now so feel free to take a seat... anywhere."

Harry found a spot at one of the empty cubicles and sat down to wait. It was nearly one so Sirius would be free soon.

"—about Sirius Black, isn't there?"

Harry frowned. Now, he wasn't usually an eavesdropper, but they were talking about is godfather. Even the most upstanding person would want to know if someone was talking about their parent.

He had a right to know, didn't he?

The voice came from the other side of the cubicle. He couldn't see the speakers and vice versa.

"What?" He recognised the second voice as Kingsley Shacklebolt, the unflappable, intimidating burly Auror who was actually a real Pygmy puff on the inside.

While Harry had spoken with him a couple of times before, he didn't recognise the woman.

"Oh come on, don't sound so scandalised. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I asked Louis from Muggle Affairs the other day and he agreed too, so did Hayley from International Magical Cooperation. Quite enthusiastically if I may say so myself. Won't you agree?"

"He's our superior officer, Chloe. I don't think we're supposed to comment on that."

"Don't be such a bore, Shacklebolt. I know under that seemingly calm and collected garb of professionalism, you're just as human as the rest of us. We've only really known him for a few weeks but I can definitely say that Sirius Black gives off major, major daddy energy. It's undeniable."

Harry's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

There was truth in what the woman was saying.

Although he'd lived with Sirius for only a short while, he had started to think of the man as a father.

And it was undeniable. The woman's wording was a bit odd, but Sirius was a great dad. He was kind, funny, a good listener, protective, caring and he always, always put Harry first.

The real question here was how did this woman, a perfect stranger know that Sirius Black was a great father?

"I mean, I know he isn't my father, but I will gladly call him daddy." The woman sounded almost... dreamy, like she was recovering from multiple strong stunning spells.

Why would she call him daddy? Did the woman also think of Sirius as a father figure? It didn't make sense and Harry wasn't sure if he liked it.

He'd only just started thinking of Sirius as a parent. He wasn't ready to share.

"Turns out I'm not the only one who feels that way. You know Serena from International affairs? She's been eyeing Black ever since he joined. She swears that sculpted perfection had no businesss showing up everyday practically poured into impeccably tailored Brionis. And that she would very much appreciate if he slammed her against a wall. Multiple times."

Harry's confused frown deepened. That sounded disturbingly violent. And where did the talk of Sirius's dress robes come from?

"Remember Jenna Lane, my friend in the DMLE? We met for dinner the other day. She described to me in vivid, graphic detail a dream she had last night and that shit made me blush. Me." Chloe's voice had risen to a shriek and Harry winced at the volume.

"Oh I've got to hear that one," a third voice— male and a bit younger — chimed in.

"Like you're any better, Gabriel."

"Hey, I'm got weaknesses like anyone else. I see tall, dark haired, powerful men and bend. And don't even get me started on that beard."

What the bloody hell did that mean?

"He's got tattoos. All over his arms andchest."

"You better not be lying, Chlo or I swear to Merlin I will quite literally die."

"He works out every alternate morning at six thirty. You can see them for yourself. I did."

"If you think I'm going to show up to work two hours earlier than necessary just to watch our boss do pull ups, you are absolutely correct."

Clearly these two had no regard for their sleep. Harry was confused, perhaps even a little concerned.

"I've never quite seen the appeal in the whole professor and student fantasy but when I saw Black the other day training the newbies, I certainly understood the allure. He was so in control and authoritative and commanding and..," Gabriel trailed off dreamily.

What? Why, why in the world would anyone prefer a strict teacher over a nice one?

"I bet he's skilled with his wand outside of the training centre as well. Remember what Witch Weekly used to say about him all those years ago?"

"Oh I remember alright." Gabriel was very nearly swooning.

"What I wouldn't have given to trade places with Stella," Chloe added. "On her back, pinned to the mat. I'm telling you she botched up her training just to get under... It happened thrice before Black assigned extra training and yet she looked like Christmas had come early."

"Yeah but that was only until she found out Sylvia would be doing those late sessions," Gabriel snickered. "She's a real terror. But I see where Stella was coming from. I certainly wouldn't mind getting in trouble with Black."

"I definitely wouldn't be opposed to some time alone with him in his office. I've misbehaved, I should be shown the... error of my ways. Correct?"

For the life of him, Harry didn't understand Chloe and Gabriel. Why, why would they want to mess up their Auror training? Extra sessions sounded a whole lot like detention and he was pretty certain those sucked.

Any student with half a brain and a modicum of common sense would wholeheartedly agree that detentions or extra lessons were best avoided.

Harry was tempted to warn these people that getting in trouble with Sirius was a very bad, boring idea.

He'd been there. It involved being grounded for what felt like ages but had only been five days and staying away from his precious Nimbus 2000 for even longer.

No fun. Definitely would not recommend.

"I was talking to Lucy Chen from the Department of Magical Games and Sports yesterday. She ran into Sirius Black in the lift last week when she was trying to get Kyle Featherbottom to stop harassing her. Turns out that guy can't take no for an answer."

"Okay so Featherbottom is an arse who can't take a hint. What's that got to do with Black?"

"Lucy said Black whispered something to the bloke and he looked two seconds away from wetting himself. Featherbottom practically threw himself onto the floor and scrambled off and hasn't even looked at Lucy since."

Harry didn't quite understand what the big deal was. Sirius had helped someone out when they'd been in trouble, but that's simply what his godfather did. Because he was brilliant like that.

"And it's just not the Department, you know?" Chloe's pensive tone interrupted the brief silence. "Even criminals seem to fold. Especially when he uses into that voice of his. Remember that interrogation with that thief last week, the one who stole and sold magical cursed objects? What was her name? Katie? Kat?"

"Katerina! I know that one. He's interrogating her and she's got no problem breaking under him. Halfway through she looks up at him, smiles all innocent and goes, Auror Black, if you think I've been a bad girl, I'd be more than happy to let you s—

"Oh oh, I know! Can't really blame her, can we? And it's just not the whole in-control, mysterious Auror thing that Black has going for him. He's also just really... sweet sometimes."

"And he's good with kids too!" That was Chloe.

Wasn't that the topic in the first place? Harry's head was having a hard time keeping up.

All said and done, it didn't explain how so many, many people knew that Sirius Black was a good father.

While it was admirable that Sirius got criminals to confess, wasn't that part of his job?

"So come on Kingsley, what do you think? And be honest!"

Harry heard Kingsley let out a long suffering sigh. "I've already told you both, he's our superior officer, so it's very inappropriate to be discussing this. Especially at work."

The other two weren't phased by their colleagues reluctance. "Oh come now. It's just a simple yes or no. Sirius Orion Black. Daddy or no daddy?"

There was a long pause and Harry was pretty certain Kingsley would find this conversation just as absurd as Harry himself did.

"Maybe... maybe a little," Kingsley replied and the other two whooped like he'd just handed them a million galleons.

Harry was more confused than anything else. He'd gleaned a few facts from their conversation:

Sirius was a great Auror.

He was pretty strict with the junior Aurors but they didn't seem to dislike him, quite the contrary. If anything, they loved it when he was authoritative.

He helped people out when they were in a tight spot.

Criminals had to be quite wary of him if they confessed to their crimes in record speed.

And last but certainly not the least, his godfather's colleagues were strange, strange people.

"Hey, kid. Sorry I'm late." The deep, familiar voice pulled him out of his head and he grinned up when Sirius approached him.

Apparently Harry wasn't the only one startled by the new appearance.

The three occupants on the other side of the cubicle shot to their feet and Harry finally got a good look at them. They stared at Harry and Sirius, eyes wide like they'd just been caught redhanded, even Kingsley, most reserved and composed one of all.

"Were you sitting here for very long?" Sirius asked, taking the bag from Harry and hooking it over his shoulder.

"About fifteen minutes."

At that, a sound that could only be described as a whimper escaped from the young man named Gabriel. Chloe on the other hand turned an alarming shade of red while Kingsley, steadfastly looked anywhere but that them.

Case proven. They were weird.

"You lot haven't headed out yet?" Sirius directed a raised eyebrow at the other three aurors, an easy grin on his face.

"We were just leaving!" Chloe sputtered and Harry could've sworn Kingsley mumbled a preferably forever.

And with that the three Aurors all but tripped over themselves to get out of the place.

"What's up with them?" Harry asked.

"No clue. So you hungry? I'm guessing you successfully bribed our poor gullible house elf into making all your favourites?"

"Not my fault she likes me better," Harry quipped, yelping when Sirius poked him in the ribs. "That's cheating."

"All's fair in love and sandwiches."

"You ruined a perfectly good saying."

"And I shall ruin many more."

That was one bizarre afternoon. Good thing no one would ever talk about it ever again. Right?

Wrong. So, so wrong.

And in the end, Harry had no one to blame but himself.

*Hahahaha*

So what do you think? Stay tuned for part 2.

This is way, way different from the kind of stuff I normally write but this little idea came to me and I wanted to give it a shot.

This is honestly one of the most hilarious scenes in a sitcom or movie and I thought about writing one using my favourite marauder.

Besides, I think we can all agree that Sirius Black is one devilishly sexy wizard.