She is
by
Sakura-chan Master of the Clow
Track 04: Moon
Disclaimer: I do not own any original characters from CardCaptor Sakura. They belong to the beautiful members of CLAMP. I also don't own any of the songs or lyrics referenced in this fanfiction. All belongs to the brilliant writer, composer, singer-songwriter, poet, and artist that is SHINee's Jonghyun and all those who helped create the album. However, the storyline for this fanfiction is all mine–inspired by the album "She is" itself, of course–so please no copyright.
Announcement: Happy Birthday, Kim Jonghyun
~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~
Sakura and I are now in our second year of college. As always, Eriol is right; our channel has grown, and we're basically posting daily, releasing covers within a day of a new release. We've done some freestyle to b-side tracks; through those Sakura and the dance crew she's part of were hired for a few choreography jobs from idol anime demos to J-Idols and some K-Idols debuting in Japan. Our channel has helped get her name out there and I couldn't be prouder. She's doing what she loves. Recently Sakura and I auditioned to tour with one of her favorite groups as a backup dancer; we're still waiting to hear a call back from. I went with her to the audition to make sure she didn't get cold feet. She promised she would go through with it if I went with her.
Currently, I'm in my room editing our latest dance cover; Sakura is in the dance studio recording a solo girl group cover. I join her on those sometimes, just as she joins me for boy groups. Although I love dancing now, dancing and learning a new routine with her is a lot more fun. I quickly glance at my planner laying open on my desk next to me, a date circled in green. Our anniversary is coming up and I still have no idea what to get her. Does she even remember? She can be ditzy at times, but that's also part of her charm that I love. Maybe I should take her out on a trip, just the two of us. We've talked about it before but nothing has come of it, or it tends to turn into a group outing.
A knock on my door pulls me back into reality. "Come in," I call as I quickly shut the planner. Sakura's head pops through the door.
"Ne, Syaoran-kun, can I come in?"
I smile without meaning to—something I found I've done more of this past year—and welcome her in. Sakura walks over to me, peering from behind my chair. I tense up. I can practically feel her body heat over me. Despite being a couple for almost a whole year, she still has the same effect on me as when I had a one-sided crush on her.
"Is that the one we just filmed? Can I see it?"
"Sure, but it's not finished yet." I hope I sounded normal enough. I pat my lap, inviting her to sit, Sakura smiles and complies.
I quickly save my progress before changing it to preview mode. As I encircle my arms loosely around her, I see the shift in Sakura's eyes. Even though she monitors every video and take before I edit, she still goes into professional mode, making sure not to miss a single detail.
Her lips curve into a smile. Oh good, she's happy with it. But is she completely satisfied? I wish I could see green her eyes properly.
"I love it! Especially that one effect just now to reveal the next outfit change."
"I'm glad. I'll see if I can incorporate it in future videos then."
Sakura reaches over and clicks on the replay button. "Tomoyo-chan did such a good job with our outfits on this one. I have to find a way to thank her."
"I think seeing you wear them is a prize in itself for her." I grin as her laughter fills the space in my room. I reach to tuck a loose hair behind her ear. "You look beautiful."
Sakura's smile faltered and I realized I said the last part out loud. I didn't mean to, the words just burst from my lips. Another thing that seems to happen often when I'm with her.
A sound escaped her lips, a soft "Oh!" Her green eyes are fixed on me. A tint of pink colors her cheeks. "Thank you, Syaoran-kun," she responds softly. "You don't think it looks weird?"
I smile. I tell her practically every day yet she still gets shy. My eyes stray from her face to take a better look at her outfit. It's a simple off-the-shoulder halter dress, fingerless gloves on her hands, and black boots reaching to her knees. But I see more than that: the curve of her collarbone, the downy curve of her shoulder, the pulse at the base of her throat. I see the shape of her mouth, her lips slightly parted. Her long lashes as she lowers them.
And I'm swept through with a wave of desire, like a clean fire that burns away thought, that makes me throb with nervous energy. I tear my eyes away from her before they can show too much. "Of course not," I say. "You look beautiful in anything."
From my peripheral vision, I see her tilt her head curiously, and I can't help the feeling that those green eyes can see through me.
My skin jumps as her fingers gently cup my cheek, I turn my head back towards her. Her eyes are a darker hue than normal, but that could be due to the little to no lighting in my room. I feel a bead of cold sweat run down my neck as her eyes scan my face. What is she searching for? Please don't let her see what my body burns to do to her.
Finally, she smiles softly and says, "You're very kind, Syaoran-kun."
I can feel my face heat up. The last thing I expected was for me to be praised. Still, I notice what she's doing, deflecting the compliment away from her. I can't have that. How can she doubt it when I seem to blurt it out every day?
"I don't say it out of chivalry," I reassure her. "I say it because it's true—you're beautiful inside and out. I'm dazzled by you every day. I adore you, Kinomoto Sakura."
This time it's Sakura who adverts eyes. In a small voice I almost miss it, she says, "No fair, Syaoran-kun. You're the one dazzling me right now."
I can't take it anymore. I reach and gently pull her head towards mine. I see her eyes flash in surprise as I gently place a kiss on her plump cheek. I grin at her expression as she holds her cheek.
"Go take a bath," I say casually. "I'll make us something to eat."
Sakura hesitates, which is surprising—she never turns down food. Her green eyes locked on me the same as before; as if she's expecting something else, wanting something else. Her eyes travel to somewhere lower on my face. I freeze. Does she want to kiss? Before I can get my answer Sakura hops off my lap.
"I'll freshen up then. Wanna watch a movie while we eat?"
I nod and reassure her to take her time. As soon as the door closes I let out a deep sigh. That was too close. Having Sakura in my room, on my lap, was dangerous. It took more out of me to only kiss her cheek—a small peck, really—and I'm already wanting more.
Before I let the feeling consume me I get out of my chair and head to the kitchen. It's a bit late so I make something light to eat. By the time I set the plates down on the coffee table, Sakura comes out, in her pj's, and refreshed from her bath.
"Have a seat, I'll get us drinks," I say.
Sakura shakes her head. "I can get it, you already cooked for us."
I smile and pat her head. "You've worked hard. You deserve to relax. Pick something for us to watch, I'll be right back."
When I return, I find Sakura sitting crisscrossed on the couch, a pillow between her legs to balance her plate. Her eyes follow me as I set the glasses down and get comfortable next to her, remote at the ready.
"Before we start," I say, "Are you busy next month?"
Sakura blinks. I pray she's not suspicious of me, it's normal to ask about each other's schedules, I just never asked so late at night before. She reaches for her phone and opens up the calendar app.
"I have classes up until the first two weeks but then we're on spring break. I was going to talk to our crew leader and see if I can teach some classes during the break to make some extra money. So far I don't have any choreography jobs lined up…"
Good. So she's free on our anniversary.
"We've been working hard lately. I was hoping we could go on a trip during spring break to unwind, just the two of us," I emphasize the last part as politely as possible in case she gets excited and wants to invite our other friends. "We could take a trip to the beach or a hot spring for a day or two. We haven't gone to a theme park yet, too."
"Just…the two of us?" Sakura asks quietly like she's been stuck on that one phrase.
It hadn't occurred to me until then that she might not want to travel alone with me. We live together, eat together, dance and run a channel together, go to class together. We do practically everything together and here I am asking for more of her time on her days off. Perhaps I'm monopolizing her too much, my greed of always wanting to be with her is wearing her down.
"If you don't want to, that's totally fine," I quickly add. "We're together all the time already. I understand if you want to take that time for yourself." I can make all her favorite foods and we can eat in or something. I should have thought of an alternative plan earlier.
"It…it's not that I don't want to," says Sakura. Immediately my attention is back on her. "It's just that I was taken aback is all; this would be our first trip together. Just…the two of us," she finishes shyly.
I smile. "Let's make it special then," I say, gently stroking the back of her head. "Anywhere you want to go, I'll make it happen."
"I'm fine with anything as long as I'm with you."
I feel my heart squeeze. She took the words right out of my mouth. "Well, give it some thought, okay?" I bring her head close enough to place a kiss on her forehead. "For now, let's eat before it gets cold."
Sakura's smile is beaming. "Okay."
~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~
Eventually, Sakura and I decided for the beach to be our first trip together. I'm going to surprise her by taking her to one we went to in elementary school. It's perfect as we have a beach and a camping site. It was our first time at the beach together; pity it wasn't just the two of us. Granted, I didn't know I had feelings for her at that time.
Renting a car is the last thing on my list to do for our trip. Skillfully, I park in an empty space in the garage my place provides. Sakura and I already went to get our licenses together a few months back. But living in Tokyo, there's little need to own a car. Perhaps in the future, we could invest in one.
I go over a mental checklist; car filled with gas, check. Beach mat, towels, chairs, and umbrella packed, check. Cooler and groceries bought, check. I remember Sakura mentioning once that, for whatever reason, sandwiches taste better on the beach. I gather the latter on my list and make my way toward the stairs leading to the main lobby. I made sure to buy plenty for us to make tomorrow morning before leaving on our trip. It's been a while since I was excited about a trip like this.
With a smile on my face, I finally reach our door and key in the security pin. It beeps successfully and I open the door.
"I'm home," I call out.
I hear Sakura's sweet voice call out, "Wel-welcome home, Syaoran-kun." My smile falters when I hear a second voice echo the first. I notice a pair of black flats in the entryway.
Oh no.
I make my way to the living room as casually as possible.
"Meiling," I greet my cousin. "Nice of you to stop by."
I look between the two girls sitting on the couch, two cups of tea rest on the coffee table. Meiling seems fine, as usual. Sakura, however, is avoiding my gaze, but I can see the blush on her face, it reaches to her ears.
"What bring you here?" I ask.
Meiling pouts. "Do I need to have a reason to visit my favorite cousin?"
"Not really." I shrug. "Though it'd be best to check if I'm home first before dropping by."
"It all worked out. I got to help Sakura-chan pick out her outfits and pack for your trip together. That and some other things." She winks to Sakura who flinches and takes a sip of her tea as if to occupy herself.
I raise a brow. "What other things?"
"Just girl stuff, don't worry about it."
I'm worried about it.
But I know Meiling won't say anything more, and Sakura looks uncomfortable enough as it is. I give in for now and decide to make my way to the kitchen and put the groceries away. I hear them talk in low whispers as soon as I exit but I can't make anything out. I know I can't dwell on it so I put it to the back of my mind. Might as well be a good host.
I cut out three slices from a cake I made earlier this week and head back to the living room. I offer the girls one each. Sakura's face instantly lights up. For the rest of the evening, we talk and catch up. By dinner time Meiling bids us farewell. She gives me a big hug, telling me to take care of Sakura on our trip. She then turns to Sakura and gives her a longer hug than normal. When they part, Sakura's face is once more tinted pink. So quick I almost miss it, her eyes go from me and back to Meiling before nodding.
As soon as Meling closes the door I can't hold back my curiosity. "Meiling, she," I pause. "Did she say anything…weird to you?"
Sakura's eyes are confused as she looks at me. "Weird? No, why?"
I scratch the back of my head. "Well, because you were acting a bit weird when I got back. She didn't tell you any embarrassing childhood stories of me, did she?"
Sakura smiles. "Not at all. She really was only helping me out. I'm glad she stopped by today."
Well, I can cross that off.
"So are you all packed for tomorrow? Sunscreen and everything?" Sakura nods enthusiastically. I laugh. "Alright. I still need to finish packing a bit."
"Then I'll make us something to eat," she offers.
"Okay, I bought what we need to make sandwiches. Want to make them together tomorrow morning before we leave?"
"Really?" Sakura's eyes light up. "I'd love to! You're the best, Syaoran-kun." She gives me a warm hug before disappearing to the kitchen. I seriously can't wait for tomorrow.
As promised, Sakura and I prepped the sandwiches and other food and drinks in the cooler. We're on the road now to the beach. Sakura talks animatedly in the passenger seat, feeding me snacks here and there as I drive.
"The sea, the sea, the sea, the sea, the sea! Syaoran-kun, look, it's the sea!"
I glance towards Sakura's side of the car. Her eyes are sparkling she looks out the window.
"The water looks so nice! Let's quickly find parking Syaoran-kun."
How can I refuse when she looks at me like that. But…
"We have to check in to our place first," I say. Noticing Sakura's pout I add, "Don't worry, it's not too far."
We drive for another five minutes before arriving at the cabin lodging site. I park in the guest parking. Sakura helps me with the bags as we enter the main building.
"Syaoran-kun, is this…?"
I smile. So she remembers.
We're next before I can answer her. The receptionist checks us in and gives us the key to our cabin. We thank her and make our way to where our cabin would be. I made sure to book one that would not be too close to the others.
"There!" I hear Sakura call out, pointing to the one that reads 525 on the door, and race to it. I run after her. Sakura opens the door as I catch up to her. She stops at the entrance. I follow in after her. It looks better than the pictures online. We're greeted by a living area connecting an open concept kitchen, a large sliding door is covered by sun-blocking sea blue curtains. Further in is a queen-sized bed and a door to the right leading to, what I assume is the bathroom. Taking off her shoes first, Sakura goes to open the curtain leading out to a patio area with a perfect view of the sea.
"This is…" Sakura turns to me. "Is this really where we're staying? It's not a mistake? Last time we were here, there were bunk-beds and I don't remember it being this big and we didn't have a kitchen and, and—"
"It's not a mistake. I specifically booked this one for the view." I pad over to her and take her hand in mine, staring at the view before us. Sakura leans her head on my shoulder. "Not bad, huh?"
"It's marvelous."
I let her take in the view a bit more before clearing my throat. "Well, the view is nice, but how about we go enjoy ourselves?"
Sakura grins. "Let's go!"
After organizing what to take to the beach, we finally head down towards the sand. I notice there are not many people out despite it being spring break for most colleges. However, there are quite a few families out. We find a nice spot and set up camp.
"Before anything else," Sakura declares holding up a spray can, "Sunscreen. Turn around, arms out."
I raise a brow but oblige, taking off my t-shirt in the process. There's a long pause. I almost turn around to check on her when I feel a cold mist on my back. She thoroughly sprays my back, arms, and legs.
"T-turn around."
I turn around and find Sakura, her face in her hands. I make it a point to dress decently around the house so Sakura has not seen me shirtless before. I can't help but like fact that my body makes her conscience of me—she looks so cute being all embarrassed like that I feel like my heart would stop. "Go on," I encourage, thank Kami-sama my voice sounds even. "But you kind of need to see where you're spraying."
"I…I know but, if I open my eyes, I'm in even bigger trouble."
"Funny. Here I thought that was my line."
Sakura pokes out from behind her hands. "Hoe? Are you nervous too, Syaoran-kun?"
"Of course, I am," I exclaim. "Do you have any idea how many times my heart has stopped on me today?"
Sakura smiles shyly. "Then, I'm glad I'm not the only one. Still, you're right. Swimsuits do make you feel self-conscious." Sakura's blush deepens but continues to spray my front half with sunblock as well. As soon as she's done, I take the bottle from her. "Your turn."
She's embarrassed but still takes off her beach shorts and white t-shirt—again with the white t-shirt, it's gonna be the end of me I swear—she's had on since we left. I knew she went shopping with Daidouji for a swimsuit when we decided to go to the beach—I made sure to call Daidouji up saying no bikinis. Thankfully she listened to me. Even so, I feel my face grow hot. It's a one-piece aqua blue swim dress held up by being tied behind her neck, pink ruffles around the edges of the skirt, and a bow neatly tied in the front. I notice a few guys who came with friends take a second glance at Sakura. I should have known she'd draw eyes no matter what she wore.
"I-it…it's not weird?" Sakura asks, snapping me back to reality.
"Of course not," I reassure her. "You look very cute. Super cute."
"Thanks, Syaoran-kun." Sakura spreads her arms and legs out. "Okay, I'm ready."
I spray her down, front and back. She laughs at first at the tickling sensation of the mist making me smile. "Okay, done." I take her hand in mine. "Come on. Let's go have some fun!"
Despite it being spring, the water is warmer than we thought. We quickly adjust and play in the water for a few hours until we're hungry enough to leave and eat. We spent the whole day at the beach, only packing up for dinner time when I barbecued some fish and meat for us, Sakura taking care of the side dishes at the designated area. Sakura's smile never once faltered. If I could make her happy every day like today, I'd be the luckiest man alive. After cleaning up after dinner, Sakura and I decide to take a walk along the shore. If I knew she loved the ocean so much I would have taken her here more often.
Sakura is hugging my arm, her ankle-length sun dress flowing in the wind tickling my leg from time to time. I look down at her when I feel her squeeze my arm tighter. Her face seems to have gone pale. I ask her what's wrong.
"Th-that cave…"
I look ahead. There certainly is a cave up ahead. Ah, now I remember. The last time we were here, our class had a test of courage in that cave. A friend, Naoko Yanigawa, told their cabin a scary story involving that cave. Sakura couldn't sleep well that night as she was too scared thinking of the ghost story.
"We've been there before. There's nothing in there to be scared of now," I say, smoothing her hair.
"B-but I had to open the shrine, what if there is a spirit in there and it's angry at me for disturbing their peace?"
"If that were the case, they would have been haunting you for a long time."
"Hoeeee?!"
"Don't worry, you're not being haunted. In fact, I'm sure—if there is a spirit there—they're thankful to you. There's no longer those bad rumors of that cave floating around their home."
Sakura seems deep in thought. Finally, she says, "Thank you, Syaoran-kun. I haven't thought of it that way."
"Wanna go take a look?"
"Ah, maybe during the day?"
I laugh. "Okay, let's do that then."
We continue talking, laughing, and enjoying each other's company well until the sun disappears beyond the horizon.
~🎵º✨✨✨✨✨º🎵~
Once back in our cabin, we changed into our sleepwear and do our nightly routines—Sakura had fun showing me her skincare products and picking out a face mask for me. There are pictures to prove it.
I make us some tea as I wait for the necessary fifteen to twenty minutes for the mask to set in. From the bathroom door, Sakura pokes her head out.
"You can take it off now, Syaoran-kun!"
"Got it," I call out. I take off the mask and dispose of it as Sakura comes out looking refreshed, patting her plump cheeks.
"Pat your face so your skin can absorb all the excess nutrients. Like this." I smile and follow her. I might not have been doing it right as she closes the gap and gently pats my forehead."Here you missed a few spots."
I grin. I realize she's more concentrated on other areas of my face, but I wish I could hold her eyes steadily with mine. When I sense she's almost done, I hold her hands still on my cheeks in place and lean into her touch.
Please, look at me more.
Finally, I'm able to hold her gaze. Her thumb gently caresses my cheek. There's a hesitation in her eyes like there's something she wants to tell me but doesn't know how to start. I lean in slowly, just to see her reaction. Her eyes widen but she doesn't pull away. I wonder what she's thinking right now. The way she's looking at me, it's curious yet…full of love. Fuck, I just want to kiss her.
I lean in a little more, slowly closing the gap between us a bit, and then…neon danger signs flash in my mind. I bring her into my arms and embrace her instead, gently holding her head to my chest.
"Syaoran-kun?" she calls out curiously.
"Sorry," I manage to say. "Just…let me stay like this for a moment."
Sakura says nothing else and lets me hold her. I can't slip up. I promised her father, before she moved in with me, that I would take care of and protect his daughter. He allowed her to live with me, on the condition that nothing that happens typically on the night of your wedding would happen between us. He didn't say anything like after we graduate, no, he meant until after we're both married—doesn't matter if it's to each other or not. Sakura and I were not together then. He's always known me to be a friend to his daughter, and his kind eyes could see through my feelings for her before even I was aware of it. I can't fault him for being cautious. It's his only daughter after all. If I want to have a future with Sakura, I must prove to her father I can control myself, no matter how hard it gets.
I don't know how long we stay like that, but I feel like I've calmed my desires a bit when she notices the tea kettle.
"You're making tea?"
I slowly let her go. "Yeah, green tea. We ate a lot today. I figured this would help settle our stomachs." I pour the tea and add a small bit of honey. Sakura gratefully takes her cup. "Come on, it's nice outside, I want to show you something."
Sakura follows me out to the patio. I take a seat on the end of the outside lounge chaise and pat the space next to me. There's only one but it's enough for two people to comfortably lay down on and five comfy pillows of varied sizes are placed in a way to best accent them. We can perfectly hear the waves and see a few families on the shore lighting up sparklers together. Sakura takes a seat next to me.
"What is it you wanted to show me?" she asks.
I point up. Without the lights of the city, the night sky now is filled to the brim with stars; they light up the night sky with the help of a full moon. It's the same as last time we were here. Before I found Sakura walking out at night, I caught a glimpse of the sky and wanted to get a better look. I remember my breath catching in the summery midnight air, at the sight of something so surprising and so beautiful. Hong Kong is much the same as Tokyo, there are only artificial stars seen better only from a high-rise buildings. That night was the first time I'd seen a sky so clear, big, and wide yet so full of stars yet they feel close enough to touch, clusters of them painting shapes and colors you never knew they could until you've seen it with your own eyes. A small wave of worry passed through me, wondering if Sakura would have the same reaction as I did. Perhaps Sakura would be interested or maybe even pleased, but not enchanted. I realize I want her to feel the way I had about that first glance at this night sky.
Sakura's eyes follow and she gasps. A soft "Waa," escapes her lips. A wave of relief passes through me. Her green eyes are shining, fixated on the scene above, the moonlight casts a silver halo on her hair. "So beautiful. I've never seen so many stars like this before. It feels like we're inside a galaxy."
"We are though."
Sakura laughs and playfully hits my shoulder. "You know what I mean." We sip our tea in comfortable silence as we gaze at the night sky. "You think of everything," Sakura says after a while. "I fear I'll get comfortable with you spoiling me so much."
"Is that bad? I want to properly take care of you."
"It's not bad; I'm always grateful to you for taking care of me so well but…I don't want to take your kindness for granted."
"You wouldn't be," I assure her. "You have me Sakura, all of me. I would do anything for you."
"This cabin, the beach, the food, this night sky…I've received so many wonderful gifts from you today alone," Sakura says quietly, squeezing my hand. "You didn't have to do so much."
"I did though," I say. "I wanted to thank you."
Sakura looks up at me. "For what? I haven't done anything special."
"For letting me love every single day. The more we put ourselves out there on our channel, I see the comments praising you and it makes me so proud. I'm reminded again and again how bright of a star you are, and I am pulled in by your gravity. How lucky am I to be close enough to be in your orbit." I take her free hand in mine. "I'm not good at expressing what's in my heart; but even if it is difficult for me, I want to at least show you how special you are to me." I gently cup her cheek. "Thank you for letting me stay by your side. Please allow me to orbit around you for many more years to come."
Sakura sets her cup down before pouncing on me. I'm caught off guard by her sudden embrace and we both fall back into the chaise. Instinctively, I cover her head with my hand.
I can make out a muffled, "I love you, Syaoran-kun." She said it so softly I don't believe she meant for me to hear it.
"What was that?" I tease.
Sakura shakes her head and I laugh. Ironic how before just seeing her smile would make me so nervous and embarrassed enough to run away, but now Sakura is the one who gets easily embarrassed. I do want to show her my feelings more, but deep within me, a sadistic side of me enjoys her reactions and craves to see more of them. I don't need to hear her say it again. Once is enough for me. Any more and I feel like my heart really would explode out of my chest.
Sakura frees her face and looks up at me. "It feels so nice out here." I hum in agreement. "Can we sleep here tonight?"
I smile down at her. "I don't see why not."
Sakura sits up and rushes inside. She comes back moments later with a blanket in hand. She settles in next to me before draping the blanket over us. She turns her head towards me, and now I can feel myself getting nervous. She's looking at me the same way did when she first saw the night sky, with wonder and amazement.
"What is it?" I ask.
"You know, because I was with you today I…"
"Okay," I cut her off.
"Eh?" Her smile turns mischievous.
"I got it. You can stop talking."
"Why?" Sakura whines. "I want to better express myself to you too. You asked what I said before but now you don't even want to hear it?"
"It's not that I don't want to. I already know what you're going to say."
"No, how can you know unless I tell you?"
I feel like karma is hitting me with a ton of brinks. I become a more sentimental person around her. Although it's still hard at first, once I express my feelings to her, the easier and more often it becomes each time; but only when Sakura gets so cutely embarrassed it's hard for her to reciprocate. Her reactions tell me enough that she loves me too. It's enough. If I hear them out loud now, in this overly romantic setting, I might literally burst into flames. I can already feel my face heat up under her gaze. And that mischievous smile of hers tells me she's enjoying watching me squirm as she has me wrapped around her finger.
"I do know it," I insist. "I know it because we're thinking and feeling the exact same way right now. So we don't need to talk about it, right?"
"Hai. So you know, right? That I love you Syaoran-kun."
That's it, I can feel my ears burning. Sakura laughs as I turn my face away, hiding it with my hand.
"See? Don't you like it better when I express it to you, too?"
I do. When she says it so cutely how can I not? But I don't know how to control my face when she does this. I grin like an idiot yet embarrassed at the same time. I don't want her to see me like this. I take one of the smaller pillows and playfully bonk her head. She throws that pillow back at me in full force. It's moments like these I remember she grew up with an older brother
"Syaoran-kun, you're cute when you're shy too."
"Okay, enough. I don't think I can handle anymore." I roll back to lie beside her and close my eyes. "How about we just go to sleep now?"
"You should sleep first, Syaoran-kun."
"Why?"
"You've worked hard. Driving us here and cooking, setting all this up, you must be tired."
As soon as she says it I feel the fatigue settling in. But I can't fall asleep until I see she does. "I'll be fine. You sleep first."
There's a pause.
"Look at me."
I open my eyes and turn my head. Our eyes meet. Sakura's eyes crinkle into a smile and she giggles.
I laugh too. "Why are you laughing? Is there something funny on my face?"
"No, it's just that I really like you."
"My goodness," I mutter. My heart just keeps hammering away; she must be trying to kill me. How is anyone supposed to sleep like this?
Sakura lays her head on my shoulder and intertwines our hands. With her thumb, she draws invisible nonsensical patterns on the back of my hand.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask.
Without missing a beat she answers. "I'm thinking about you."
Fine. Two can play this game.
"When we're like this," I start to say. "I don't think about anything when I'm with you."
"Why?"
"Because there's no need to think about anything else."
Sakura hums. Then asks again, "Why?"
"Because I feel comfortable."
"You feel comfortable when we're not doing anything?"
"What can I do to not disappoint you, what can I do to look cool in front of you…"
"Eh, stop lying."
"I'm saying I don't think about those things," I finish and we both laugh. "There doesn't always have to be a special occasion. Just being with you like this is comfortable, like home."
"That's right." I hear the smile in her tone but I can feel her nodding off.
It tends to happen often. We would be on the couch watching something, or we would just talk and she would be nodding off. She told me once before that something about my voice is soothing to her. I'm glad her teasing me stopped. Her breath slowly begins to even out.
Please fall asleep more deeply.
I catch a falling star and I almost call out to her. No, I can't disturb her right before she falls asleep. I loosely wrap my arm around her, she wakes up enough to settle in my embrace. Her hand twitches ever so slightly. I wonder what kind of dream she must be having already. I start to let myself succumb to slumber as well, the stars begin to blend into a thousand moons, making another ocean in the sky. I feel she's a little tense still and softly whisper, "Relax, my love."
I'm about to doze off as well when I hear Sakura whimpering, but not in a way she would when she's having a bad dream. I tilt my head to the side to get a better look at her, her eyebrows are scrunched together. There are times, I feel like there's something she wants to tell me but pulls back at the last minute. She's making the same face as she does then in her sleep now. Sakura's not the type to talk in her sleep, so I can never know what worries she has deep down in her subconscious.
"Tell me your secrets," I whisper. I stroke her hair, hoping it would calm her down. "I can't help you if you don't tell me."
Sakura's hold tightens in her sleep as if holding me in place so I won't run away. My thoughts should not have gone there, but I am aware this is the closest our bodies have been in some time. My hand sinks lower to her waist and pulls her closer. The frown on her face eases slightly and hums in contentment. She nuzzles her head deeper into my chest. Is this reassuring for you? Please, tell me.
Talk to me baby.
Suddenly Sakura's eyes pop open and sits up as if she just had an epiphany. She turns to me, eyes wide. Slowly, she says, "It's our anniversary."
It takes me a moment to register what she said. When I do I can't help but burst out laughing. "It is."
Sakura playfully smacks me with a pillow. "Don't laugh."
"I'm sorry," I say sitting up. I scan my memories of our day together and realize I hadn't told her all this was for our anniversary. "I should have mentioned it to you sooner."
"No, I should have already known. I was just having so much fun, I completely forgot."
"Then it's fine. I'm happy I got to make you happy today."
"But you do that every day," she says it so effortlessly yet so innocent it takes me by surprise. I can feel my heart reacting to her again. Instinctively I turn my face so she can't see my blush.
"If…if there's anything I can do to make you happy, I'll do it."
"Anything?"
"Without a doubt." Sakura becomes quiet. Strange. I turn to look at her and see the pout she uses when she's thinking hard about something. I've seen plenty before. If I don't say something now, I might never know what she's been keeping secret from me. "What is it?"
"Since it's our anniversary…" she hesitates. "I—I have a request. It's something that would make me very, very happy."
That's it?
"Sure. What is it?"
"You can't back out, okay?" I blink; confused as to why she would have to ask. I agree. Sakura's jaw sets looks directly into my eyes and says, "Kiss me."
I blanch. "I do kiss you."
"Only on my cheek, or head, or hand. Not—" Sakura's finger touches her lips. "Not where I want you to. There are times when I think you will, but you always pull back at the last second."
I should have kept my mouth shut. I just opened Pandora's box.
"Sakura…" Shit. How can I say this? "I want to. God you don't know how much I fucking want to, but I can't."
Sakura pouts. "You can back out, remember?"
"I really can't, Sakura."
"Why not?"
"It's dangerous."
Sakura stares at me. "It's dangerous?" she echoes. "How is kissing dangerous?"
As embarrassing or lame as it sounds, I have to tell her the truth. "Kissing leads to touching, touching leads to intimate feelings, which would lead to…se—something we're not ready for. Something I promised your father I would hold off of for both of us until after marriage."
Sakura frowns. "When did you promise that?"
"When we first went to him for his permission to let you come live with me. He told me so when he asked to speak to me in private. I have the utmost respect for you, my love. But I am only human. I'm a man in love, so of course I've had…thoughts, even today. Imagining ways to pleasure you enough to take you to the moon."
Sakura's lips form an o, a blush on her cheeks. "My Dad told me stories before too. Despite being madly in love with each other, he and Mom waited until after they were married. I get this is his way of protecting me; of making sure my first time is with the one I truly love. But, Syaoran-kun," Sakura takes my hand in hers. "I already know I love you. I already know I want to live the rest of my life with you. All I'm asking is for one kiss tonight."
"If I kiss you," I say, my voice serious, warning her, "I won't be satisfied with only one. If I have a taste, I know I'll want more. I'll want to take it farther. If I start, I'm afraid I'm gonna do what I want, even if you say no."
"Then, let's get married."
My eyes widen. "What?"
"Let's promise, here and now that we will marry each other one day. If we're engaged then kissing should be fine, no?"
Something between a cough and a laugh gets stuck in my throat. Am I hearing this right? While my mind and heart battle it out between what's right and desire, Sakura leans in and lightly kisses the top of my cheek. As she pulls back, I feel her face is warm, her cheeks pink despite the white light cast on by the moon.
"Besides, you're not the only one who has fantasies."
My heart wins the battle. Her eyes refuse to meet mine. But after all that, how can I not give her what she wants?
"Fine, you win," I say. "I promise to marry you. Now, get rid of all your useless thoughts. Don't act like you're timid after saying something like that, it's unfair." I cup her cheek, turning her head to properly face me. "Tell me what I did in that fantasy you imagined when you were alone."
"You were kissing me."
I grin. Of course I was.
"Okay. Where?" Shameless of me, I know, but now I'm so curious. I've never seen Sakura look so flustered before. This newfound face is so cute it makes me want to tease her even more.
"F-first, on my shoulder, then neck, then cheek, and finally…"
She doesn't have to finish. I understand. With my other hand, I brush her hair aside and it all goes quiet between us, only the sounds of the crashing waves can be heard. I gently pull her head to the side, exposing more of her slender neck. Her uneven breaths, full of anticipation, are some of the sexiest sounds I had ever heard. I breathe against her skin, testing—no, giving her the chance to pull away now.
She doesn't.
"Relax," I say before placing a gentle kiss on the tip of her shoulder. When I reach the base of her neck, I suck down, she gives an audible gasp and grabs my arm, sinking her nails into it. My hand on her cheek snakes to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me. Sakura whimpers as I continue kissing my way up her neck to her chin, then cheek. I stop before my lips reach hers. How many times have I thought about how her lips would feel against mine. Finally here were are. I glance at her. Her eyes have darkened, her cheeks even more flushed, the sound of the waves are long gone; I can only hear and see her every breath. I thump my forehead to hers, knowing her reaction would be to close her eyes.
"Don't open your eyes" I whisper.
Sakura nods. Part of me is still hoping she pulls away. But a bigger part of me has waited for this moment for far too long. I can hear my rapid heartbeat. Or is that hers? Knowing we've both been wanting this eases mine if only slightly.
I tilt my head, shutting my own eyes, and reduce the space between our lips to nothing. I brush her soft, plump lips with mine lightly; so light I'm not sure if she felt it but it sets my body ablaze and sends tremors throughout my muscles. I reluctantly pull away. I open my eyes the same time she does hers and stare into her green eyes, falling headfirst into the universe they hold that is her soul. The night sky before pales in comparison. It's hard to describe what I saw, but it was like I was watching the big bang, or the rock that would later become our moon crash into a young earth—a life-changing shift, happening for both of us in her eyes. All I could grasp was the sign of arousal lengthening in my pants. One more taste, I tell myself. A real kiss this time. She deserves that too.
I close my eyes and let my senses guide me to her mouth again. This time, when my lips touched hers, I determinedly pressed down; my insides crashed, rippling like a tsunami wave. Sakura's grip on my arm tightened. For a while, we stayed like that. Not daring to move any further, just savoring this touch. When I popped my lips off of hers, like magnets they melded back together in a heartbeat. I cup both her cheeks in my hands, holding her steady as I kiss her again and again; the ravenous hunger I feared is released ten-fold. It only eased by her delicious lips, but the more I got, the more I wanted.
Sakura's hands go from my arms to my chest gripping the front of my shirt. My whole body shook. This must be what they mean by being driven crazy with love. The only thing that cooled me down was the sound of her trying to breathe in between hungry kisses. With one last firm press, I wrench my mouth from hers, breathing hard. Our foreheads touch once more and her labored breath mixes with mine. I caress her cheeks with my thumbs. "I'm sorry," I say between breaths. "I should have been more gentle." She shakes her head, still trying to catch herself. "I warned you, didn't I? Kissing is dangerous."
Sakura gives a short laugh. With a gulp, she says. "I want more."
"More?"
Her green eyes are dark with lust. Shit, she does want more. I wonder if she can see mine as well. We both want this. This time I nod and let her take the lead. Slowly, Sakura puckers her lips and pushes against mine nervously. I lean in, encouraging her to continue. Her kisses are gentle and sweet yet still feel like we're floating into space. I could learn from her.
Our lips snap apart and Sakura draws back, looking thoroughly disheartened.
"I'm not a good kisser," she apologizes.
I brush her hair behind her ear and cup her cheek. "It's my first time, too. There's no rush. We can find our rhythm and what we like together." I draw her head closer, my pulse quickening. "I need to learn from you how to be more gentle when kissing you."
Sakura's cheeks flush.
"Do you want to try again?"
"I want to..." she murmurs.
"Take your time. I'll go at your pace."
Without missing a beat, Sakura captures my lips again, sucking on them gently. I reciprocate, her lips taste as sweet as honey. My chest expands as I take a big breath and deepen the kiss, the nape of my neck tingling. Sakura's hands now grip the back of my t-shirt, her fingernails graze my skin through the thin material.
I hear her moan and my mind wonders to dirty thoughts. If this is how she reacts to just kissing, how would she react if we do more, or on the night of our wedding?
My body burst into fire as I feel Sakura become bolder in her kisses. My body moves on its own as it guides her to straddle my lap. Startled, she pushes back before she could sit. The only thing holding her in place is my arms around her waist.
A look of panic washes over her face and I gave her a quick kiss on the mouth.
"Sorry. This is one of my fantasies," I say. She looks to the side and I loosened my hold on her. "But it's okay if you'd rather not.
Sakura shakes her head, wrapping her arm around my neck. I feel a magnificent pressure on my thighs as her bottom settles down on them.
"M-mine too," she says, almost choking on her words out of nervousness. She smiles and I smile too. Gently, I caressed her cheek and stare into her eyes. Her gaze is roaming all over my face, taking in the image of me as if I'll disappear if she blinks.
"I'm going to kiss you now," I tell her.
She nods, face reddening.
That's all the invitation I need. I take her lips again. Her breathing deepens and she writhes on top of me when I sink my fingers into her hips. I pull her close and embrace her, running a hand up her back to cradle her hair. This time I mimic her and kiss slow and gently, my lips softly caressing hers. I see stars, slowly dancing behind my eyelids every time our lips touch. I love it, but it's not enough. Something is missing.
I break the kiss long enough to say, "I want to try something," before Sakura's sweet lips smack into mine. She hums, whether in agreement or because of our kiss, I'm not sure. "Sakura, I want to know you're okay with what I'm about to ask."
"What?" she whispers, in between kisses.
I cup her cheeks, holding her in place. Dazed, Sakura opens her eyes. "I heard you, Syaoran-kun. What is it?"
I lean in, brushing her lips lightly. Immediately Sakura leans into my touch and whimpers when I hold her back.
"Open your mouth," I murmur, huskily against her lips.
She brakes the kiss and stares, wide-eyed. Shyly she whispers, "Why?"
I know she knows why from that twinkle in her eye. Is this another one of her fantasies? Still, I daringly tell her. "When we kiss, you see stars too, right?" Sakura nods. "With this, I'll take you to the moon."
I hold her stare. I won't force her into something she's not ready for. If she wants to, it'll be her choice. Slowly, she parts her lips and loosens her jaw. My heart skips a beat and I reduce the space between us.
"Stick your tongue out."
There is a moment of hesitation before her tongue, moist and pink, peeks past her lips. I'm sure both of us have only seen this be done in movies and know nothing of what is considered proper technique. But we're here, curious and wanting to try.
Unsure, I lightly flicked it with my own, sparking all my nerves alight in what can only be heavenly fire. Sakura jumps, tightening her hold on me but doesn't lean away as I move my lips against hers firmly. So this is what that electric shock people refer to.
"Kami-sama," I murmur, breathlessly. How can just kissing be this good.
Sakura's mouth opens once more and I repeat the motion, this time without startling either of us. When Sakura opens her mouth a third time, I briefly slip my tongue past her lips, before kissing her hard. She continues opening for me whenever she sticks her tongue out, and each time I brazenly encircle it with my own, and fuck, she is reciprocating my actions. Sakura moans so quietly I almost don't hear it as she writhes against me, grasping my shoulders tightly. At that I can feel the wolf within me rage in hunger and Sakura is the only meal that would satisfy it. If it's like this, I'm okay with going farther.
As if reading my mind, Sakura encircles her arms around my neck and pushes against me until I'm laying down on the chaise. Our chests are pressed together so airtight I feel both our hearts beating like rabbits. As if on primal instinct, I feel Sakura's hips roll over mine.
I gasp. "Sakura! Wha—"
She cuts me off with her lips. "Don't stop," she pleads. Like an old chest revealing its treasure for the first time, her eyelids open to reveal green jewels. They're no longer dazed. They're buzzed, drunk on love. "You promised to take me to the moon."
It'd be a sin to tell this Angel in my arms no. I shift our positions so she's now the one facing the sky, the moon shining behind me, so she'll see it when I take her there.
"All right," I whisper, I glide my hands down her body taking note of certain areas she reacts to more, before settling on her hips. "But not this. Not yet," I say, my voice hoarse.
Sakura nods. Mouth open, she guides my lips to hers once more. With a single-minded focus, I plunder the depths of her mouth. Her moans and body tell me what she likes, mine listen, pleading to know how else I can do with only a kiss make her feel good. I want her to tell me, only to me.
Talk to me baby
Our tongues, much like the rest of our bodies, are in perfect sync in this primal dance. I don't know how much longer we stay like that, just kissing over and over before the momentum slows down more and more until we're satisfied with only our lips only touching.
We're both breathing hard, faces flushed.
"That was…" Sakura's eyes are shining and I know. She doesn't need to finish. All she manages to say is, "Thank you."
I take the discarded blanket and roll us over so we're back before this whole thing started, me laying down on my back, her head on my chest hugging me, my arm wrapped protectively around her.
"I think that's enough for tonight. We should sleep," I say. "Any more than this, I don't think I'll be able to stop."
"I'm scared if I sleep, this would have been a dream."
I can feel my heart squeeze. I hold her closer to me. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you open your eyes and we'll both realize it wasn't a dream."
"Really? You promise?"
"I promise."
"My heart can't calm down though," she breathes. "Yours too, Syaoran-kun." She looks up at me. "Sing me something."
I look down at her. "Sing you something?" Sakura nods. "Like what?"
"Something soothing, but romantic. Something that can express your feelings for me."
"That's oddly specific." But I know just the song. My Korean isn't the best, but I know this song by heart. I learned it because she loves it so much. I stroke her head softly and begin to sing.
난 그대가 날 보는 눈을
nan geudaega nal boneun nuneul
(I don't want you to put away your eyes)
거두지 않았으면 해
geoduji anasseumyeon hae
(When you look at me)
한참을 눈 마주치고 눈싸움 하고파
hanchameul nun majuchigo nunssaum hagopa
(I wanna lock eyes with you and have a staring contest)
그대여 내 눈에 비친 그댈 봐요
geudaeyeo nae nune bichin geudael bwayo
(My love, see yourself reflected in my eyes)
아름다워
Areumdaweo
(So beautiful)
제발 부끄러워 말아요
jebal bukkeureoweo marayo
(Please don't be shy)
내 눈에 그대로 담아 둘래요
nae nune geudaero dama dullaeyo
(I want to place you in my eyes, just as you are)
Oh 난 가끔씩 잠들기 두려울 때가 있죠
Oh nan gakkeumsshik jamdeulgi duryeoul ttaega itjo
(Oh, sometimes, I'm afraid to fall asleep)
혹시 딴 세상에서 눈을 뜰까 봐
hokshi ttan sesangeseo nuneul tteulkka bwa
(What if I open my eyes to a different world?)
멍청한 고민도 해요
meongcheonghan gomindo haeyo
(Sometimes, I have these stupid thoughts)
그대여 내 눈에 비친 그댈 봐요
geudaeyeo nae nune bichin geudael bwayo
(My love, see yourself reflected in my eyes)
아름다워
Areumdaweo
(So beautiful)
제발 부끄러워 말아요
jebal bukkeureoweo marayo
(Please don't be shy)
내 눈에 그대로 담아 둘래요
nae nune geudaero dama dullaeyo
(I want to place you in my eyes, just as you are)
우리가 이렇게 사랑하게 될 줄은
uriga ireoke saranghage dwel jureun
(No one knew we'd fall in love like this)
아무도 몰랐겠죠
amudo mollatgetjo
(You don't even know)
그대도 내 맘이 얼마나 큰지 잘 모르잖아
geudaedo nae mami eolmana keunji jal moreujana
(How big my feelings are)
당연해 당연히 내 맘이 더 큰데
dangyeonhae dangyeonhi nae mami deo keunde
(Of course, of course my feelings are bigger)
넌 내가 더 사랑한다며
neon naega deo saranghandamyeo
(But you say you love me more)
아니 내가 더 사랑한다고
ani naega deo saranghandago
(No I love you more)
그대여 내 눈에 비친 그댈 봐요
geudaeyeo nae nune bichin geudael bwayo
(My love, see yourself reflected in my eyes)
아름다워
Areumdaweo
(So beautiful)
제발 부끄러워 말아요
jebal bukkeureoweo marayo
(Please don't be shy)
내 눈에 그대로 담아 둘래요
nae nune geudaero dama dullaeyo
(I want to place you in my eyes, just as you are)
그대여 내 눈에 비친 그댈 봐요
geudaeyeo nae nune bichin geudael bwayo
(My love, see yourself reflected in my eyes)
아름답죠
Areumdapjo
(So beautiful)
제발 부끄러워 말아요
jebal bukkeureoweo marayo
(Please don't be shy)
내 눈에 담아 둘래요
nae nune dama dullaeyo
(I want to place you in my eyes, just as you are)
I sneak a peek as I finish the last note. Sakura is sound asleep, her earlier frown replaced now by a small smile. I grin, kissing the top of her head. Before drifting off to sleep myself, I whisper, "Wo ai ni."
Hahahahaha. The shortest song in the album has become the longest chapter so far! And you get two Jonghyun songs featured in one chapter! How about them apples? Honestly, this was so hard to write, I'm not well experienced with writing intimate scenes. You could imagine the song Moon is more than just kissing, but for story purposes, I kept it at that. So for now, the rating is still T. I didn't plan for such a sexy song such as Moon the be released today, it just happened that way. Anyway, Happy Birthday, Jonghyunnie! 생일축하합니다! 보고싶다 사랑합니다 수고했어요.
Chapter Updated: April 8, 2022