Chapter Notes

I fought with this chapter for so long. I mean the Incredible Hulk? Not a good movie. Rewatching made it worse. But that was also very much needed because- holy shit, did I forget a lot of stuff.
Also, whatever effect they used to give Tim Roth a six pack: please don´t. Just let him keep his shirt on. That was so wrong. Speaking of Tim Roth, while writing I discovered that he is credited in She-Hulk, which wow, he´s in his sixties now, what are they doing with him?
I´m not gonna watch She-Hulk for this, btw. My plan is to go up until the big fight with Thanos and then maybe play around a bit. Phase 4 has been a bit meh for me. There isn´t a lot I was genuinely interested in. All of these series… The problem with those is that with a film, I´m not interested in, I may still watch it. It´s just two hours of action fun and I can drag a friend along.
But a whole series? With characters I don´t care about? Nah. I skipped through half of WandaVision and that had at least a cool premise…
Enough critic talk! Onto the new chapter!
(If some of the writing is a bit wonky: I caught a mean cold, and my brain seems to be moving at the speed of a snail on Xanax. Which is… an experience. Update: it was a fever, you expert! But I edited the chapter after it went down so we should be okay :D)

Chapter 11: Why are the villains always government employed? I would like a refund please.

After all the back and forth with Shieldra and having to communicate like a responsible adult (bleurgh), I had earned myself a nice little vacation. Some down-time to recharge.

Which was why I was shuffling through Tony´s living room in my pajamas under a cozy blanket, having just woken up. Ree was under strict orders to disturb me only if the world was ending.

I yawned and buried myself deeper into the fluff. It was summer, but inside Tony´s climatized Malibu home, I could dress however I wanted. Didn´t even have to feel bad because of the energy cost. Yay for Starkiums magic bullshit.

The similarly named billionaire was out. Apparently, Pepper had dragged him to do some actual work outside of his mancave, erhm sorry, I mean his lab.

That reminded me to meet up with Domi soon. I had missed the gentle giant in the last weeks.

I hummed to myself, still bundled up and sat down on the couch like an overgrown caterpillar. Right away, Jarvis turned on the TV.

`Hm, news´, my sleep addled brain commented. `Booriing… sigh. Oh, New York, was just thinking about that. ´

I blinked at the TV.

`A blockage to restrict entrance to the city… Oh, the traffic must have been horrible. Hm, military mission at a university? That´s weird. ´

I blinked again. Wasn´t that the building Stern worked at when I looked him up?

My brain crashed.

I jumped up from the sofa and immediately got tangled in my blanket, faceplanting onto the rug. I grunted and huffed until I was free.

I stood in the middle of the room staring at the incoming live footage. It was grainy but unmistakably the first few moments of the Abominations rampage.

Ah, shit.

Fuck, fuckity fuck.

Why did I think this was later in the year again?

"Jarvis, delete the footage of me face planting please.", I said still staring straight ahead.

I shook my head while Jarvis voiced an affirmative. Had it´s uses to be the AI´s new favorite. I achieved that status when I gifted Dum-E something for what I think was his birthday. His beeps were very cute.

I stepped out of a portal inside of Stern´s lab. It had been pretty much the only real location, that I had remembered from watching the film. The only reason I recalled Stern´s name was a fanfic where he had played a bigger part.

The lab was wrecked. It looked like, well it looked like a Hulk had gone through I suppose. I have a way with words, I know.

I hovered over the rubble in the direction of the only other awake person in the room. Stern was breathing heavily, a demented smile on his face and still laying on the ground while Banner´s blood dropped down on Stern´s forehead. The swollen head looked bizarre and frankly disgusting.

The scientist with dubious morals startled when he saw me. I guess, I shouldn´t talk about morals with what I was about to do.

Before Stern could do much, I created a giant (hopefully Hulk-sized) hand and pushed over the machines around the mutated man, crushing him to death.

I had thought long and hard about this. My first outright murder. I had done my best to avoid any bloodshed until now, but Stern was too much of an unknown.

He wasn´t very sympathetic in the film. A little bit power-hungry. Pair that with a newly found superhuman intelligence and him most likely ending up in Shieldra´s custody. Just way too much of a risk.

Not letting myself stop, I started to make my way to the roof. I breathed with deliberate control. In and out.

It wasn´t even that I was distraught about killing a still more or less innocent human being or the disgusting crunch that Stern´s head made. I was shocked I had actually done that.

I had thought a lot about who could be saved from evolving into villains, who could be safely put in prison and who would make everything more dangerous just by living. There were a few who belonged in the last category. Not all of them I would have to kill myself.

All this planning though, was very different from going through with it. No turning back. I was officially a murderer now. Well, unofficially. I didn´t want to get caught.

Inhaling the fresh (well, as fresh as it gets) air of the New York night sky, I clapped my cheeks with my hands to make sure I was all there for the upcoming fight and turned myself in the direction of the Abomination's path of destruction.

By now Hulk was on the scene too, but the fight had not gone on for long. They were still in line of sight of the hole in the street that Bruce had created when he jumped out of the Ross´s Helicopter.

While I neared the fight, I caught a good look at Blonsky who was currently locked into a wrestle with the Hulk. For some reason I had remembered him as red? But he wasn´t? Just a greyish green.

In my defense, it had been more than 10 years since I last saw the Incredible Hulk.

Actually, now that I thought about it, had I ever watched it until the Abomination showed up? Huh. Oops.

I shook my head.

Blonsky broke the armlock and catapulted Hulk into a building with a roar. Or tried to. With a slight glance in Big Green´s direction, I threw up a (big) mattress construct behind him.

I used my chance at a free shot without any friendlies in the way. Of course, Blonsky had never seen my signature electricity charged staffs, he didn´t know how to counter them.

The first one he tried to catch, and he did – until he dropped to a knee, screaming in pain. Good to know the upped version did some damage. Naturally, most other enemies would have been dead from that voltage, but you know, it was something.

The second hit him in the chest and send him back into a line of already demolished cars. Urgh, the costs would be enormous. I grimaced, feeling a little bit guilty. Then I launched more staffs.

I didn´t fell that guilty though. I was still doing these people a service after all.

After another two or three hits, Blonsky picked up a broken car and started to batt my constructs away. He took first one, then two slow steps forward. He opened his mouth, presumably to speak, but got socked in the jaw before he could.

Hulk, who had been watching from the side, roared in the direction Blonsky disappeared to.

I cocked my head and tried out a new combination.

With a quick guess of mine Blonsky landed in a green trampoline, which angled him into the sky to surprising high altitude. I waited until he lost some upward momentum, aimed and hit him as hard as I could with comically large hammer in some kind of bizarre game of Whack-a-mole.

It worked great. The crunch sound Blonsky made as he was imbedded into the concrete was extremely satisfying.

I quickly dropped my best imitation of Thor´s hammer (minus any godly lighting powers) on him and some quick magical bindings. I wasn´t naive enough to count him out yet. I prepared some of my better and more permanent bindings as I could already feel him stirring. In the meantime-

I looked up and around, quickly spotting a confused looking giant.

"Big guy!", I called out. A big green head snapped up in my direction.

"I hold, you SMASH!"

I underlined my point with some rudimentary gestures, but I thought he got the point. Big Green went over to the crater and started punching Blonsky into submission.

That left me with a couple of minutes of concentration to weave more and more bindings. By the end he was covered in red. I deemed him safe to approach.

I hovered to where Hulk was still smashing away.

"Hey, big guy! Can I?", I asked in a friendly tone. I pointed at Blonsky underneath him. Hulk grunted, still looking generally confused at whatever my deal was, and sat back.

I hummed happily and landed at Blonsky´s head. I ignored his pained groans and pulled out the first collar to compare with his neck.

"Hm." Too small. I magicked it away and pulled out one of my biggest versions. It looked like someone's try at getting his T-Rex a dog collar.

Getting it on Blonsky took a minute. Then I stood back.

My Hulk collars were similar to my paralysis collars. These ones just concentrated on making you feel tired and extremely relaxed. So they concerned themselves more with the mind than with the body. It wasn´t ideal in a fight. The runes took some time to fully affect the wearer, but for this? Perfect.

It took another minute (in a fight, that would have been an eternity and he would have had a lot more energy still) until slowly Blonsky started to get smaller.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see the military moving in, but they didn´t dare come too close yet. I couldn´t hear Ross´s helicopter anymore. He must have landed by now. I ignored them.

Blonsky was back to his normal self. Hulk carefully poked him with a finger. I didn´t even try to suppress my grin. Not like anyone could see it anyway.

"We did it!" I threw up my arms in celebration. I turned to Hulk and held my hand up to him.

"High five!"

Again, he looked at me startled. Then he slowly brought up his much larger hand. I took the initiative to high-five him with vigor.

I was humming with satisfaction. This had been a calculated risk that paid off. All around us were cameras. I would eat my non-existent hat, if by this time tomorrow the picture of us wasn´t everywhere. Let the people see that Hulk was just a big green teddy-bear.

I mean, he wasn´t really, but you know.

I took another look around and could see Ross coming in the distance. I scowled.

"Hey, big guy! Wanna get out of here?", I called up at him while creating a portal to a beautifully indescript green meadow. Hulk got big eyes – well, bigger eyes – and slowly stepped forwards. I swear I heard him say something like "pretty lights" and refused to think about how he would probably love the same tricks Lara and her friends at the Xavier's school were so fascinated by.

Behind us started the shouting. Ross was quite red in the face. I couldn´t see Betty anywhere.

Hulk took one look at the starting chaos and leapt through the portal.

I checked that the collar had crumbled to dust around Blonsky´s throat and followed.

Did not want to give Ross any anti-Hulk weapons.

Three hours later I sat at a fully kitted-out campsite. I had gotten a decent fire going next to the tree stump I was sitting on. I turned my marshmallow-stick around and sighed.

When I arrived, I had used another collar on Hulk, which he was surprisingly ok with. Sadly, Bruce was very tired. He basically went from hulked out directly to asleep. So, now I was stranded in the middle of nowhere with an unmoving scientist that won´t remember me.

My beautiful free day.

Of course, magic was a big help here. I put up a huge tent, brought camping chairs and sleeping bags. I had put Bruce into on of those bags but was too lazy to get him into the tent.

Setting up took the first hour. The second hour was spend thinking about Bruce himself.

I was very thankful when he didn´t look like Edward Norton. That had been such a weird choice for the timid Banner. I mean there was a reason why in my head Littlefinger was always played by Norton. Not that the original actor did anything wrong or I had heard that Norton was any kind of bad human being. My brain just doesn´t want to trust him? Is that just me?

Nevermind.

To my surprise though, he wasn´t a copy of Mark Ruffalo either. He had the same hair. He seemed taller and leaner. Less hairy. Also, very muscular. Didn´t ogle at all, that was all just to observe.

For someone who has most definitely daddy issues, Betty Ross (is that even her last name anymore?) has excellent taste in men. I remembered the guy she hooked up with after Bruce. A cop or something? Well, that may not have the best implications anymore. For me at least. Anyway, that guy totally chewed out Colonel Asshat when he nearly got his own daughter killed after the confrontation that led to Betty going on the run with Bruce.

I mean, he was the one who snitched in the first place, but still that takes balls.

Wait, do important social and civil rights movements still translate? Is there going to be a Me-Too movement here? Or a Black-Lives-Matter movement? Does George Floyd even exist?

Suddenly I was thrown into an existential crisis.

Thinking all these entertaining thoughts only entertains you for so long. I had already eaten a whole bag of marshmallows and changed into comfy attire (a hoody, that I had drawn above my head to hide my hair and a black mask to draw up, and some worn jeans I totally hadn´t stolen from Tony) when Bruce finally stirred.

He turned and went back to sleep.

I sat rigidly on my pillow for a few seconds. My eye twitched as I warred with myself. Fuck it. Three hours is enough. Three hours and 27 minutes now.

I stood up and poked the scientist with the sticky end of my marshmallow stick. He pushed it away from his face, still sleeping and grumbling.

"Bruce! Bruce, wake up!"

He didn´t. My eye twitched harder.

I looked at his bag. I had more of those. Nodding to myself, I hovered Bruce up on a green platform and went over to a nearby stream. Mercilessly I dumped him in.

Likely not the best to do to someone that transforms into a rage monster when his heartbeat is too fast, but meh. The Green Bean liked me already.

It had the intended effect. Bruce was awake and sputtering. He spit out water and tried to free himself from the sleeping bag still disorientated.

"Hello Bruce, good of you to wake up.", I said with a cheeky smile he couldn´t see but most definitely hear.

"What… What´s going on-", he stammered. By the widening of his eyes and the tenseness in his body, the memories of what happened before he hulked out were coming back to him. He turned to me, but I held up a hand to stop his urgent questioning.

"Before you work yourself up, I´m Bluelight. You might have seen some reports about me, you might have not. I guess you could say I am something of a superhero. I came across that catastrophe in Harlem and decided to help your big green alter ego out a bit. Together we were able to subdue Blonsky fairly quickly, there wasn´t much damage done after we intervened. Betty is fine. Well, her father is still her father, so she is probably close to patricide, but you know."

I shrugged at the end. Honestly, Ross had been one of the ones I had contemplated on killing but if I were to start killing power-hungry, narcissistic and corrupt officials – well that would be a long list.

Bruce was still trying to process everything but seemed calmer.

"How about we go back to my campsite?"

He blinked at me, not moving. I cleared my throat and looked pointedly down at his barely clothed and now very much wet body. Bruce went red immediately and hugged himself self-consciously.

I had no idea what he was self-conscious about. I shook my head. Calm down, horny brain. Maybe don´t try to prey on the emotionally compromised trauma victim?

I gave Bruce an armful of slightly bigger clothes and politely turned around. When he was ready, I heaped two blankets on him and sat him down in an expensive camping chair next to the fire. Then I proceeded to water and feed him to my satisfaction. All the while, I explained who I was and what had happened.

Then I got to the collars. Oh, Bruce has puppy-dog eyes too. Not as good as Thor's though.

"Can you show me? How do they work? Can they be made permanent?"

I cringed. Oh yeah, he was still looking for a permanent cure right now.

"That wouldn´t really work. I use runes, they make you tired and relaxed, so you dehulk. And yes, magic exists. Yes, maybe it is just science, we don´t fully understand, please don´t force me to have this discussion again.", I begged, now with puppy-dog eyes of my own.

He chuckled, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

"It is somewhat hard to believe, but it seems to work. At least, I won´t be going out of control anymore."

He looked so sad when he said that. I was violently reminded of his line in Avengers, which revealed his failed suicide attempt. Oh, I was so not equipped for to handle this.

"Well, first: I´m not sure you are as dangerous as you think you are."

I saw him protesting but barreled on.

"No, really. I´m talking about when you are not attacked. I was working just fine with the big Bean, we even high-fived!"

Bruce was astonished, food forgotten. I liked to think that made him a bit more hopeful.

"Secondly, there is a huge community of mutants out there, that wouldn´t judge you and know what it is to be seen as other and dangerous.

I would like to take you to Kamar-Taj though. That´s where the other sorcerers are. Maybe they know something. It´s also safe from any government goonies. Oh, and it´s all monk-like so you can also find all sorts of meditation help and… stuff."

I gestured vaguely trying to sound convincing. He hummed in acknowledgment and took a sip of his hot chocolate (yes, my standard protocol).

Distractedly he said: "I´d like to see it. It´s kind of hard to take you seriously with that hoodie though."

"Hm?"

My hoodie? It had been the first one I grabbed in my closet at the Stark mansion. I looked down and pulled it straight to inspect it.

"Goddammit Tony!"

Chapter End Notes

Ok, hold on to your horses, here comes a timeline rant:
My precious timeline, I hate this movie so much for messing with it. I based my timeline on the MCU-wiki (very extensive, also convinced me to not use Agents of SHIELD because by god does a lot of shit happen in that show), some random google-searches and my own rewatching of the films.
Marvel has their own "official" timeline, that I just flat out ignore. It´s short, it doesn´t include everything and it´s prone to changes when Feige notices that it all doesn´t make sense with what he has planned.
Just recently, there were articles about a new book by Disney, which details the whole timeline to explain some shit for Disney+ viewers. Incredible Hulk is supposedly included.
Well, good for them, I don´t give a shit. 1: I ain´t buying no shitty book for this info.
2: I spent 12 hours on my timeline of dates and movie events until 2017, color-coded and everything. It stays that way.
And 3: In one article it says that they list the happenings of Hulk BETWEEN Ironman 2 and Thor. Which-what? According to what I found, Ironman 2 climaxes with Hammer´s presentation on the 31st of March. The same day Thor arrives in Texas! Thor leaves on June 2nd. Hulk´s fight in Harlem is on the 4th. That is what makes sense to me and I´m rolling with it.
Rant over.