Disclaimer: I don't own Tokyo Revengers.

TR is... interesting, to say the least. On one hand, it's dumb, mindless fun but on the other it's one of the worst stories ever conceived in anime history, with time travel mechanics haphazardly explained and an atrocious main lead. I just don't get what the author was thinking when he decided to pencil in a character with no redeeming qualities except "fierce determination." Who wants to read a story about Naruto stripped of nearly all of his positive traits and being perpetually stalled of any physical development? Top it all off, he's gonna cry like a little bitch and be coined the "crybaby hero." That would be boring and annoying, man. He can't even fucking strategize because he's so dumb, bruv.

The only thing he can be is a passive onlooker before blindly charging into the fray, getting battered around and sprouting cheesy emotional Talk-no-Jutsu like speeches. It's so fucking stupid, man. He ends up needing divine intervention and plot armour and plot convenience to save his worthless ass.

And don't get me started on the plot holes. Kisaki laughably tanks a full pelt to the head with a pipe from Baji while Mikey's older brother died from the same method, and spoiler alert; Kisaki WAS never supposed to be strong. Seriously, read the manga. He was designed to be a weak, calculating mastermind so really, he should've been killed but he survived due to the plot.

Ken is a hack and Tokyo Revengers is a series you turn your brain off and just enjoy Mikey & Draken because as soon as you start engaging your brain, you see it for what it really is, a steaming pile of shit.

This fic is basically therapy for me as I air out my grievances with Ken's disaster-piece. It's not gonna be a total bashing fic - Takewimpy will have a character, at least - but there's gonna be some so look out for that.

Prologue - 6 years prior to the main story

Why?' I asked myself as a sudden depressive downpour conveniently appeared over me, Bleach-style, drenching my bloodied body, as though the heavens themselves were lamenting my untimely death. 'I just learnt how to drive.' I was beside myself, warm blood pooling around me completely at odds with my decreasing body temperature.

"Oh my god! Are you okay!? Hang in there! I've called an ambulance!" A kind female Londoner fell to her knees beside me, staining her pretty cherry blossomed coloured skirt with my bodily fluids. She painted her hands red, desperately trying to close up my wound. Ah. It was comforting to know there were a handful of good Samaritans out there after being randomly stabbed by a homicidal lunatic.

I turned my head, a half-hearted weak smirk lining my lips at my hooded assailant. It was a good thing my reactions were lightning quick, otherwise I might not have been able to grab him before my strength left me. He elbowed me with untapped ferocity, but with emergency adrenaline flowing through my veins, I endured that and plunged the very knife used to shank me into his throat.

"…Mad fuck." If nothing else, I took him down to hell with me.

The lights faded and I fell into an eternal slumber.

Cept I didn't.

At least I don't think. I seemingly woke up after what felt like five minutes to my perception of time to a flash of blinding light relentlessly assaulting my unaccustomed retina, 'AH! Turn off the lights!' Ugh. So I musta been asleep in the hospital for ages then if just opening my eyes hurt.

I felt myself lifted in the air into an caring embrace, peering up at a blurry gaze to find a nurse's kind smile. 'Holy shit. She's picked me up like I weighted nothing. I'm a fat bastard, though.' She then gently handed me over to another lady, drenched in head to toe in sweat like she had just stepped out of a sauna, though she beamed a ray of sunlight that soothed every part of me.

'I know what's going on. I've seen enough anime to know the signs.' I mused, lifting up a single chubby, yet small hand, skin a tone lighter than I was used to seeing. The pieces fell into place at once. 'Holy shit.'

Chapter One

I Just Wanted That Dog

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10," I continuously counted under the heat of the sun beating down on the rooftop of my elementary school, perfecting my jabs, light uppercuts, head swerves and dodges, the basic fundamentals.

In any sport, building the fundamentals of your chosen profession was always essential. It ultimately meant you could elongate your already short career when your body naturally began to decline. Rather than rely on power, which gradually weakens with age, you depend on your technical skill, something that stays with you for life. In the case of boxing, knowing how to absorb a punch, reading your opponent's movements, how to dodge, how to wear them down and see out the round before you started gassing were far more important than having a knockout punch. Sure, being able to one-hit KO a guy with your best punch felt immensely satisfying, but if that was all you had in your locker, your ceiling wouldn't be very high.

Crafty, smarter boxers would just strafe around you and chip away at your armour with clever, small jabs, eating away at your stamina and once your endurance was depleted, you would lose your signature punch anyway and would be at the mercy of your opponent's onslaught.

That was why I spent every recess up on the roof perfecting the basics so I wouldn't run the risk of being a one-trick powerhouse pony. I always liked watching boxing in my previous life and since I had a second life to do something worthwhile, why not try doing something I liked? Besides, now that I knew which world I had been reborn into, it was Imperative I learnt self-defence.

I couldn't be like that loser MC from the main timeline getting my ass handed to me before crying like a little bitch. Less of that.

I inhaled a small deal when the proverbial bell of my makeshift training session flared throughout the school ground, signalling the end of lunchbreak and my shadow boxing session. "Good work out, me." I said, scrubbing the sweat off my brow from executing countless punches from rounds of fifty, "I almost got this Ali-flow style patterned down."

I exited the rooftop, jogging lightly down the stairs before running into the distinctive rose gold haired coloured girl of Tokyo Revengers passing the stairs en-route to her own classroom with her friend.

"Um, hey, Kazuma-kun," She greeted me with meek caution.

I merely turned a gaze their way, causing them to pale instantly, "Hm." My general unfriendly aura stiffened their postures. They looked like they were ready to hug each other for dear life. Her friend was already hiding behind her before I even glanced their way, "Hey, Hina-chan." I acknowledged her with a dismissive nod, sauntering away immediately before things could get anymore awkward.

I had the bad habit of walking around with a surly face like Kurosaki Ichigo, though that helped in this case. I really didn't wanna run the risk of having Tachibana Hinata fall for me instead. Not that I liked Takebitchy because I held that whiny little bitch in the lowest contempt possible. I just didn't like Hina for being like every other generic love interest.

She was essentially the manifestation of YuYu Hakusho's Yukimura Keiko's traits fused together again after Kishimoto split them apart to create his own Hinata and Sakura. Wakui simply remerged them and pooped out Keiko 2.0. Boring. Sure, she was cute and all, especially with her unique rose-gold tinted hair she had styled in a ponytail at age 7, but she was so vanilla I couldn't vibe with her.

Not to mention her dynamics with Takewimpy was so incredibly bland, just sickly sweet wholesomeness without any flirting or banter, just made her 10 times more monotone.

Nah. Not for me, man. They could stay together for as far as I'm concerned.

I stepped into my class, darkly eyeing that currently untanned weirdo with a look of hateful annoyance. He averted his bespectacled eyes instantly. I clicked my teeth, "Fucking bitch." I murmured, loud enough for him to hear me. Anime-onlys, brace yourselves and look away now, because that was Tetta Kisaki I jeered. He didn't have his mainline canon look presently, rocking the typical raven coloured hair and peach skin of any standard Japanese person. He looked like an awkward nerd at age 7, shoulder-length bow cut hair a mess and decked out in a short-sleeved white polo collared shirt and light blue shorts, indoor white shoes with blue tips cladding his feet.

I wanted to smash his stupid, nerdy face in already. Tokyo Revengers did a good job of establishing Kisaki as the sorta villain you loved to hate but it was impossible to take him seriously once you knew his motivations. Man pulled a full Obito in the second to last arc of the manga, revealing all the shit he meticulously planned out was just because he wanted to marry Hina since she was the only person who was nice to him here in Elementary school.

Cue facepalm.

Can't even.

I'm sorry, Ken Wakui is a hack and Tokyo Revengers is a series you turn your brain off and just enjoy Mikey, Draken and the rest of Toman because as soon as you start engaging your brain, you quickly realize what a mess the story actually is and always was.

Later

'Another day of this tedious shit is over,' I mused in hotly irritation, taking out my sneakers, a pair of black and red air Jordans from my shoe locker and sitting on the step. Grade school was monotone. I ended up looking like some kind of super genius by proxy of already knowing nearly everything the teachers were trying to teach me. I even corrected one of them in English class because I retained the language from my previous life when I was reborn here.

I sighed, equipping my trainers and putting my indoor shoes away, shutting my locker and moving out, 'Well, least I can stop by the gym for a few rounds of sparring with my bredren.' Good old boxing. I could always count on it to lift my spirits after another boring day of school.

A gentle whirlwind of mesmeric Sakura petals swirled around me as I sauntered past the school gates, shouldering my blue Pikachu bag highlighting my short-sleeved medium blue t shirt with a dim yellow Pikachu silhouette crossing his arms, contrasting my long beige coloured shorts.

Because this was Japan I was permitted to venture home all by myself, even on the train as a 6 year old toddler. Japanese kids generally had far more freedom than any other. You would never find an English kid journeying home on his or her own in any British city, that I would tell you for free.

I picked up a can of soda from the local convenience store before cutting through the park en route to the train station, stopping near halfway when I heard the sounds of a frightened whimper and vicious taunts coming from further up Ahead.

"Take that, you little shit!"

My ears picked up the nasty impact of a stone thudding off something's head, narrowing my eyes instantly.

"Ha! Good hit, man."

I wandered closer to the clearance, disgust immediately filling my stomach like acid at the sight of a group older, uniformed kids poorly dressed cornering a small puppy, mercilessly hauling stones at it. "…Fucking dickheads," I hissed venomously. What was it that Japanese delinquents had against animals? Saw a group of them bullying a dog in Yakuza Kiwami 1 before Kiryu stepped in like the ultra-cool guy that he was.

Just because they were animals, didn't mean they didn't have feelings and emotions.

"My turn now."

"Oh, hell naw," I murmured. I was setting things right. Inhaling briefly, I charged into the fray like prime Naruto, "Oi! You pieces of shit! Why don't you try that shit on me, huh!" I roared, turning their attention on me. I slammed a vicious roundhouse hook onto one's chin with enough force to send him skating across the dirt ground, "Wasteman."

"What the fuck…?" Another whispered in disbelief, horrified gaze switching between me and his thoroughly unconscious companion like I was an alien from another planet. "You bastard!" He tried swinging at me but I ducked, rising and bulleting a tremendous uppercut onto his jaw, packing enough momentum to carry his bitchass off his feet.

"Holy fuck, man!" The last one trembled, backing away from my menacing approach, "Are you some kinda monster?" I spared him no mercy, handcuffing his wrist and yanking him toward me, painfully twisting his arm and hunching him over, "Ugh!" I sent my fist crashing into his face one time and that was it. His eyes were overfilled with astonished trepidation. He didn't want it but I didn't care, tumping him several times until his face was a bloody, swollen mess.

Only then did I throw him aside.

"Prick." I muttered, shaking off my annoyance and sauntering over to the puppy. It was still a little on edge but seeing its tormentors beaten before it helped to relax it a little. An aura of warmth shrouded my form as I kneeled down and pet its light brown fur, "There, there, little guy. You'll okay now." For the most part anyway. It looked hungry, appearing on the thin side. Smelled a bit funky, too, to say the least.

"You must be a stray, huh?" I surmised with unhidden sympathy shining in my gaze. The puppy relaxed into my touch, nuzzling against my hand with satisfied whimpers, "Yosh. That means I can take you in." I said, picking it up, "I mean, if Grandma will let me." I had always been a dog lover in my previous life so this suited me fine.

"Um." A familiar utter of hesitation made me freeze on the spot.

I hastily twirled my head to Hina's look of awe, "Yes?" Aw, shit. I might have just irreversibly changed the future of Tokyo Revengers already. Damn. It totally slipped my mind that it was around this point in the timeline where Hina met Takemitchy after she tried to defend an animal from a group of thugs and almost got beaten up herself. Takemitchy ran on by cheesily caped up, drop-kicking one in the stomach and exclaiming he was a hero before getting himself fucked up because this was Takemitchy and he was born stupid and weak.

Still, the willingness it took to take an ass-whooping for someone else's sake impressed Hina so much she fell madly in love with him ever since that day. Erasing this from the story like I had foolishly done was to erase Hina's attraction to Takemitchy to begin with. There was no reason she would ever like him now, since Ken was such a hack.

God forbid he actually made a MC who at least knew how to talk and form relations with girls. No, he had to poop out a bafflingly underpowered protagonist who had nothing going for him and had to rely on plot armour and plot convenience to bail out his reckless ass time and again.

"You," She hesitated, wide eyes locked onto mine, "You saved him. Wow."

Lord have mercy, it looked like she had been struck by cupid's arrow, "Well, yeah." I replied awkwardly. See, this was what I was trying to avoid by being unapproachable. Fuck! Who knew dropping my barriers for a second and showing my softer side for the outside world to see would potentially make her fall for me? Although if I thought it rationally, she did fall for Takemitchy over one moment despite never even having an actual conversation with him prior.

"I'm a dog lover," I admitted and despite my efforts, I shot an ultra-affectionate look of warmth at my puppy, catching myself and trying to reequip my face with my signature frown, for all the difference it made. None. Hina's dreamlike stare never faded. To her, I probably just looked like an awkward, shy guy now, "See ya, Hina-chan." I turned. Imagine, I spent all those years meticulously crafting my image of a grumpy motherfucker, only to flush them straight down the toilet like poop.

"Um!" I looked my shoulder. Hina hesitated, gathering her courage with a long inhale, "I'm sorry, Kazuma-kun!" She bowed, drawing a raised eyebrow from me. She thankfully elaborated right away, "I always thought you were scary, but I see now that you're actually really nice."

"Don't be." My expression softened, "I'm an asshole through and through."

"But you saved him, though!" Hina argued stubbornly, smiling, "So you can't be."

"I guess," I chuckled, "See ya tomorrow."

"Bye-bye!~" She chirped her trademark cheerful farewell, waving me off.

I scratched the back of my head, frustrated, "Fuck me…" I sighed, an anchor of guilt attached to my heart. Sure, I utterly despised Takemitchy with every fibre of my being and I was adamant he was one of the worst shounen main characters of all time but I wouldn't have stolen his girl intentionally. All I planned to do to him was the beat the ever-loving hell out of him and his boys and knock the delinquency out of them so they could peacefully go about their normal school days.

A bit of tough love and all that jazz. The series made it clear they weren't about that life and were just tryhards so beating them out of their rebellious phase would ultimately be beneficial to them.

"Hang on a sec." I muttered when a thought occurred to me. "Wasn't Hina-chan trying to defend a cat during this… bit thingy in the manga?" I was positive she was, still. If so, it either meant we were in a slightly altered timeline of Tokyo Revengers or we just weren't at that point in the story yet. I prayed it was the latter because even a spineless loser like Takewimpy didn't deserve the one good thing he had going for him in Hina cruelly taken away from him by some heartless hater like me.

Fate then moved in a mysterious way, handing me an answer to that question.

That being convenience.

"I'm a hero!" That meant seven-year-old, currently raven-haired Takemitchy innocently running on by opposite to me across the road, donning his ridiculously corny red cape.

"…Shit, man," I grew oddly emotional, pinching my watering eyes shut with my index finger and thumb, 'I'm sorry, bruv.' I despised him so much, but that didn't mean I wanted to rob him of his relationship to Hina. I wouldn't rob my worst enemy of his girlfriend. Yeah, the TakeHina shipping wasn't the most complex and well written relationship I had seen but it was still sweet on a vanilla level, like Yusuke's love for Keiko.

My new companion whimpered, sensing my distress. I perked up when I felt a wet tongue dab my cheek. "Thanks, boy," I said, cuddling him closely, "Guess I just gotta do something to make it up to the guy. I owe him that much even if he doesn't know I wronged him." I would know so, and that was all that mattered. 'Sides, his life was heading on a one-way, never to return flight straight to the gutter, but I was here and with aforementioned knowledge of the series. I could protect and nurture him, steering his life on the right path.

"Heh." I decided with a smirk, "Yeah, I think I'll do that." I tickled my puppy underneath his chin, causing him to wag his tail in delight. "Let's go, boy. Oh, I still gotta name ya, haven't I?" I beamed, happy, nostalgic flashes of my former Staffordshire Bull Terrier playing through my head before he was cruelly dog-napped. Thanks for that, mom.

"Welcome to the family, Terror-kun."

"Woof!~"