Disclaimer: I don't own BLEACH or Naruto
Chapter 5 is rewritten.
Jesus Never Dies
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SIX
The Return of the Great Naruto Uzumaki
"Ichigo. Kazuma."
Rukia could only gawk in horrified shock at the scene before her. Ichigo and another boy who had bravely tried to aid him in his fight against the immensely powerful hollow were both sprawled out eagle spread on their stomachs at the Hollow's huge feet, swimming in pools of their own blood.
The boys never stood a chance. It started desperately enough with the hollow giving chase to Ichigo and Rukia as though he was Tom and they, Jerry and his sister, and only escalated when the two finally engaged. Bobomaru battered Ichigo black and blue, rag-dolling him left and right before pinning him beneath his gigantic foot. It looked for all intents and purposes Bobomaru would absorb him into his being right and there, until he was given a lifeline; that lifeline being the similarly aged teen with uniquely coloured hair. For a moment, a glimmer of hope bubbled in Rukia's stomach at the sight of another Shinigami coming to Ichigo's aid even if his arrival meant she had been discovered, but it was quickly stuffed out like a dying flame when Bobomaru's forearm met his face, battering him away from the fallen Ichigo.
The dual wielding Shinigami at least restored some hope of a victory when he forced Bobomaru off Ichigo with an improvised move, faking to strike him with his red tilted sword before using it as a springboard to lunge in at the behemoth hollow with his other Zanpakuto.
Bobomaru dodged the flashy attack with a burst of Sonido but it did the trick of freeing Ichigo.
With Ichigo free and teamed up with Kuwabara, Rukia rekindled her hope that the two could make it out of the firing line safe and sound; a hope which lasted all of two seconds when Bobomaru returned to ragdolling the boys around, savagely swinging each around in circles by their manes.
Now he loomed over their defeated and worn out forms in sick satisfaction.
"Ah…" Ichigo grunted softly, vision swimming and expression a pained grimace. He tried pushing himself up with his arms, but collapsed in total exhaustion, splashing into his own blood, "Hey," He said to the brave younger teen he had tried to back him up, turning his head to his prone form, "You still with me, Kuwabara-san?"
Kuwabara groaned, confirming Ichigo's question, "Just about…" He quickly reconsidered his answer when Bobomaru yanked him and Ichigo up to his white bony mask by their very hair, "But not for long."
"Oh, yes!" Bobomaru whooped, digging his nails spitefully in their scalps as he wet his lips, "Two Shinigami for the price of one," He quipped, eyeing his squirming prey with sadistic delight, "Who do I eat first? What flavour do I taste first?" He zeroed in on Kuwabara, "Ginger?" He smirked darkly when he heard the aforementioned gulp, "Or carrot?" He gleamed manically at the panic-stricken Ichigo, "Tough choice."
"Stop!" Bobomaru heard the feminine plea of the powerless Shinigami, watching in intrigue when she darted in between the captured boys and pushed against his broad chest as though she could move him, "Let them go!" She begged, unshed tears glistering in her fierce gaze, "And take me instead!"
"Are you retarded, little girl?" He asked, getting a grimace from Rukia. She knew trying to plea to his moral compass was asking for a long shot but she didn't expect to be ridiculed for it, "I plan to consume you after I'm done with the main courses here. Just hang tight. You'll be joining your boyfriends in me soon enough."
"Idiot!" Kuwabara scolded, "You should've hightailed while me and Kurosaki-san had this thing busy!"
"Look who's being an idiot now," Rukia countered, a bead of cold sweat racing down her porcelain skin staring the monstrous hollow down, "A Shinigami of the Gotei 13 and especially one of the noble Kuchiki clan would never flee the battlefield. You would do well to remember that." Kuwabara could only frown at her show of pride. It wasn't like he didn't understand Rukia's point of view. Quite the contrary. He was prideful at heart so it would've been hypocritical of him to berate her own pride; however he didn't want her to be an unnecessary casualty, especially as a woman.
"Rukia…" Ichigo murmured.
"Aw, what a touching speech," Bobomaru jeered, disdain dipping from every word of his sarcastic statement like venom, "Well, princess, I must say, you've convinced me. I'll grant you your right to die with your buddies," The behemoth hollow mocked, feeling like he was going to puke. He hated such diehard tenacity in the face of inevitable peril.
The three warriors bristled out of instinct when Bobomaru began to open his enormous mouth, regretfully closing their eyes.
'No! This can't be it! I can't die like this! I still have to pound Uzumaki's face in!'
'Shit! This is bad! I can't die yet. I still have to protect Yuzu and Karin!'
'Brothers, forgive me.'
As Ichigo and Kuwabara internally screamed their defiance and regret in their last moments they were paralleled by Rukia's total resignation, the Kuchiki clan member reaching for her heart.
Death's cold, frosty embrace ensnarled them.
Until, it didn't.
A miracle wrestled them from death's merciless hold; a miracle being the only word they could use to verbalize the miraculous moment which spared them from death. A dashing bundle like that of the Tasmanian devil ferociously bumbled into Bobomaru, slamming him away with enough force to burrow through the ground like an elite digging machine.
The three captives could count themselves lucky the strange blur's tremendous bull tackle freed them from Bobomaru's paws before it knocked the hollow away, otherwise it might've accidentally decimated them.
"What the-?" Rukia gasped, falling to her knees in the blood pools of the two boys whom collapsed on either side of her in audible thuds, letting out groans of equal pain and surprise, 'Have we been saved by a-?' Rukia's train of thought pondering what could've rescued them was brought to a screeching halt at the dazzling, unreal wonder before her. She froze, and gaped, and stared, and stared some more, eyes disbelieving at the brilliant shade of yellow blending in with the sun, "…Naruto… sama…" She murmured so softly she barely heard herself.
She had been idolizing the Soul King's fabled warrior for as long as she could remember and dreamed he would rise during her time so she could meet him but to think she would actually come face to face with her childhood icon and in these circumstances no less went beyond dreamlike.
She was awestruck. Beautiful violet eyes remained transfixed at the dazzling light before her, with a radiance so bright and powerful she feared she would need to look away lest she go blind, but she couldn't.
How could she?
This was Naruto, her hero in the flesh.
"For fuck's sakes," In reality, contrary to Rukia's rose-tinted view of the blond, said icon bitched from his ungraceful entrance, standing up from his barrel roll into the monstrous fiend about to devour them whole, "Stupid powers. It totally messed up that entrance." He felt a total chump just rolling into that hollow. So uncool.
"U-Uzumaki…" Naruto shook off his annoyance at his epic failure of an epic arrival to pinpoint the pained voice of his rival, eyes widening in unbidden concern at his battered condition, "He..he..he, you made it out of that pit of doom. Way to go, man."
"Wow! Kuwabara," He dashed over to his fallen frenemy, masquerading his horrified panic at Kuwabara's bloodied state with snark, "You look like you just went three rounds with Broly," He referenced, because he loved Dragonball. He shook his head, "You got the snot kicked out of you."
"Suck a dick, Uzumaki…"
Naruto chuckled, inwardly relieved to see Kuwabara had enough left in him to respond to his baits, "Sit tight, buddy," He grinned confidently at the trembling hollow, "I'll deal with this guy lickety split and then get you back to Assface's place to get ya patched up."
"Thanks..."
'What the hell is going on?!' Ichigo's eyes had been locked onto the blond's back the instance he appeared, freeing them from Bobomaru's clutches, eyeballs rattling in their sockets. 'There's no way that can be the Naruto I met all those years ago,' The one who earned the infamous moniker "The Demon Gaijin" and who his sisters were supposedly enamoured with but he didn't want to think about that, 'He's a Shinigami!?' It was crazy but none more so than Ichigo himself transforming into a Shinigami by absorbing Rukia's power.
When he rationalised it like that it made sense that someone else could gain Shinigami powers in a method similar to his. Not to mention it perfectly explained Naruto's ridiculous strength. No six-year-old should ever be strong enough to overpower a gang of preteens and allegedly pull off the insane stunts Ichigo heard he pulled off via rumours.
'This is crazy,' Ichigo grit his teeth so hard he alerted Naruto's attention.
"Hey, you gu-." But before he could ask Rukia and Ichigo if they were okay, he was forced to react from the sudden assault of his monstrous adversary. He heard the worried shout of the pretty girl who oddly enough called him Uzumaki-sama before lifting his arm up, effortlessly blocking the beefy fist which had attempted to hammer him, "Do you mind, Mr Bear?" He asked, stunning his audience at his seamless block and his casual annoyance at the hollow's interruption.
Naruto had to correct himself when he first saw the hollow trembling before him. He thought he was doing so out of fear but seeing him up and close personal he could now see that was far from the case. With Bobomaru's shaky lips curving up to a wide smile he was doing so out of excitement, not fear, "OH YES! FUCK YES! FUCK YES! FUCK YES!" He bellowed, losing all sense of reason.
Naruto blink blankly, "…Okay."
"Oh, yes! With your power, I could become a Vasto Lorde if I absorb you!"
"I don't know what that is."
Bobomaru's sinister yellow orbs gleamed dangerously, "You'll know once you become apart of my being. Now get in my mouth!"
"Gay." Hauling Bobomaru's arm to the side, thus opening up his defences, Naruto cannoned a sideway kick straight into his midriff, sending him soaring on a one-way flight across the ruined area.
The downed trio were left gawking in the wake of Bobomaru's forced trip across the clearance.
'No way!' Ichigo mused, 'We could barely budge the thing and he goes and sends him flying with a simple kick!'
"Unbelievable," Rukia breathed lowly, "He did that without the use of his Zanpakuto."
Kuwabara grimaced in bitter frustration, "How is Uzumaki so much stronger than me!?" He recalled Kisuke's supposed mockery of Naruto's mythical status, 'Could he actually have been telling the truth?' He naturally thought Kisuke was just trolling telling them Naruto was the chosen one of destiny, but seeing Naruto's raw, still very much unrefined, power forced him to reconsider.
How else could he be so powerful after just awakening his Shinigami powers?
"Such strength!" Bobomaru's uncontrollable hollow urges blinded him to the difference in their power, "Such irresistible, tremendous strength. I. Have. To. Absorb. You! I need your power! Get in my mouth!"
"And like I said that's gay, dude." Naruto deadpanned, digging out his ear.
Bobomaru flashed out of existence with a boom effect.
Having memorized Bobomaru's battle pattern from his beatdown of Ichigo and Kuwabara, Rukia just had to warn her hero, "He's behind you, Uzumaki-sama!" She warned, stunning Ichigo once again.
"WHAT?" Ichigo yelled, eyes trembling in confusion, 'I did hear right. She DID just call that punk Uzumaki-sama, but why? What the hell is going on!?'
Naruto casually stretched his arm behind himself, palming the rematerialized hollow away, "I got it." He remarked with bored disinterest.
'Amazing,' Rukia mused, stunned into silence witnessing Naruto's immense reflexes.
"I'm gonna enjoy eating you, Mr Shinigami!" The delusional beast insanely roared.
"Do you realise you're getting your ass beat?"
"I'm gonna roast you with this!" He opened his jaw wide and materialized a sinister glowing crimson-red orb enlarging by the second, extending the gazes of Naruto's audience.
"Guess not."
"Oh no. Does he intend to unleash a cero right here?" Rukia gasped, the malevolent ray of Bobomaru's cero illuminating her frightened expression, conjuring a fierce gust of wind which blew the bangs of her longish shoulder-length raven hair across her visage.
"A cero what-?!" Ichigo yelled out over the billowing winds.
"Be careful, Uzumaki!"
"Yeah, yeah, got it," Naruto insisted, leaving everyone astonished and quite frankly concerned at his flippant demeanour at the sight of a death bomb loading up.
'What the hell is wrong with him?' Ichigo gnashed his teeth, sweating, 'Does he even realise there's a freaking DBZ beam over there?'
"NOW DIE!" Bobomaru venomously roared. The spherical orb of devilish energy ferociously cannoned out of his mouth, gouging up the ground with sheer ferocity, whipping the bangs and attire of Bobomaru's new meal course all about his person.
And it was bitch slapped away, and with such force behind the backhanded gesture it dissipated into tiny particles blowing in the wind at the side of Naruto's outstretched arm.
"What!?" Bobomaru's non-existent eyes bulged out of his head.
"What the fuck!?" Kuwabara gawked.
"…" Ichigo.
"Naruto-sama…"
"No way," Bobomaru snickered without humour, "You bitch-slapped my cero away like it was nothing." His snickers turned into full blown guffaws, "I knew I was right about you! You're on a whole other level, and once I absorb you, I'll be on a whole other level! Hell, I could probably take on the Soul Society in their entirety with your power! Mwhahahahahahaha!"
Naruto cleaned out his other ear, inspecting his finger in complete apathy of the hollow's supervillain speech, "You're boring," The audible opening of his holster was enough to bring flinches from Kuwabara, Ichigo and Rukia, "I'm gonna finish it."
"That's…!" A trademark weapon Naruto allegedly used as per the legend.
"Since you were so kind to show me your special move I'll return the favour," Naruto snarked coolly, pointing his two-pronged kunai toward the ground, 'Alright, Ginji, so I've only got ten seconds in this form with most of my power sealed off.' Inhaling deeply, Naruto began channelling his reiatsu; everyone watching him with bated breaths.
He began to glow like a Christmas tree, shining brightly like the star Rukia envisioned him as. Whiskers disappearing in his skin's ethereal glow, hair standing on end as though he went Super Saiyan and bolts of electricity surfaced around his body.
"What the hell?" Ichigo whispered.
"Unreal." Kuwabara murmured.
Rukia fell silent.
Bobomaru drooled, "What power! I must have it. GET. IN. MY. MOUTH!"
Naruto didn't respond. He simply acted, vanishing without a trace.
The three downed Shinigami jumped from Naruto's sudden disappearance.
"Hey, where'd Uzumaki g-." Kuwabara started before his thought trail WAS halted by his mind's very topic, responding to Bobomaru's previous line behind the hollow himself in casual annoyance.
"I thought I made it made clear I don't bend that way, jackass."
A smirk and a turn of the head, "Your flash step is impressive, Shinigami."
"The fuck's flash step?"
The magic words which finally shattered Bobomaru's delusion like so much fine china, "WHAT?" He roared in sheer confusion. Before he could even get the chance to reorient himself from becoming to his hollow urges, a deep gash appeared straight down the middle of his body, slowly and painfully eviscerating him, '…Damn. I… always told myself I wouldn't go out like a retard, but I ended up going out like one anyway,' The irony was not lost on him. He chuckled bitterly, 'I guess we hollows are all the same.' His last words, spent lamenting his race's primal instincts, were lost as he evaporated into nothing.
"Well, that was easy," Naruto said, form fading.
Rukia stared vacantly, completely statue-esque on her knees, whilst the majestic light of Naruto's skin and the sparks around his form faded, returning his form to normal, '…Incredible. That hollow had to have been Lieutenant-class, yet he defeated him with ease!' Flies could've been entering her gaping mouth from long she left her jaw open. 'I have no further doubt; this is Naruto-sama. He's come back. He's come back at long last to bring peace once more.' Tears of pure, undivided euphoria sparkled in her eyes.
She was alive, alive and well to see her icon in the flesh.
This was a dream come true.
"Man, I can't wait until Yuzu-chan and Karin-chan get a load of this!" Naruto crowed. He chose to marvel at his palms instead of acknowledging the bulged eyes and yell of the other downed reaper he had found beside Kuwabara, "They're gonna freak!" He remarked, voice raising in his excitement.
Ichigo felt like a nightmare was unfolding before his eyes. First he gets rescued by the infamous Demon Gaijin and now said delinquent was referring to his sisters in a friendly manner, implying they were on a first name basis, "Hold on a sec!" He demanded, earning Naruto's attention.
"Okay," The lightning wielder uttered, blankly watching the lanky teen struggling to his feet with agonizing grunts before determinedly trudging over to him using his massive broadsword as a makeshift walking stick, "Um, you might wanna take it easy there, tiger. Bear-guy looks like he did a number on ya."
"Just shaddap!" Ichigo furiously commanded, eyes lit ablaze in pure resolute contempt.
"Rude."
Ichigo's eyes weren't the only ones ignited in an inferno of fury, but Rukia's fiery gaze was directed at him, "How dare you speak to Uz-."
"Nah, it's fine," Naruto interrupted her quickly, beckoning away her defence of him with two fingers, "Let him have his say."
Rukia docilely obeyed with a limp nod, causing Ichigo to frown confusedly at her. He really needed answers in regard to Rukia's undying loyalty to someone who he had always known as the greatest of the worst kind of douchebag to ever stalk the streets of Karakura Town but he pushed his curiosity of Rukia's reverence to Naruto aside to confront him.
"What the hell do you mean you're gonna tell Yuzu and Karin about this!?" He demanded, now face to face with the object of his nightmares and current fury.
"I mean I'm gonna tell 'em I'm a Shinigami now," Naruto shrugged, drawing a raised eyebrow from the high schooler.
'Wait, so he just became a Shinigami like me? Then why the hell does Rukia seem to know him?' Ichigo attempted to rationalize to himself, rattling his brain for answers. The only possible explanation he could come up with to explain Rukia's diehard respect to the notorious delinquent was her coming to the World of the Living way before he met her and meeting Naruto but even that seemed unlikely. He studied his apparent junior's dismissive demeanour with a sceptical eye, searching.
"Y'know, if you keep looking at me like that I might get the wrong idea," Naruto taunted humorlessly, "Like I told the other guy, I don't bat for the other team."
Ichigo backed up before narrowing his eyes, "Little bastard."
Naruto shrugged again, "Your fault for walking into it," He said in explanation, turning on a heel, "Now, if you'll excuse me I gotta tell my girls where I've been at for god knows how long."
Ichigo recoiled, "You shut your damn mouth!"
Naruto slowly turned back round, expression darkening, "S'cuse me."
"Uh oh." Kuwabara yelped, 'I know that look. Kurosaki-san's about to get destroyed.'
Ichigo didn't back down, though, matching Naruto's fierce glare with his own, "You heard me, prick. As if I'd let my little sisters anywhere near a scumbag like you."
"Little sisters?" Naruto scratched his scalp dumbly, "You mean my Yuzu-chan and Karin-chan?"
"No shit," Ichigo deadpanned, "And over my dead body they're yours, scum."
"But they are…" Naruto began to clarify before his brain finally starting functioning normally. It took a while to warm up because Naruto was the type of guy who preferred to act rather than think, but once his brain booted up he effortlessly put the pieces together, "Oh, you must be Ichigo, right!?" He beamed.
Ichigo stared blankly at Naruto's cheerful deposition. 'He can't be serious, can he?' He searched his sunny, warm gaze of invitation for any signs of deception, "You're only now realising who I am? Seriously?"
"Well, yeah," Naruto shrugged with his welcoming smile. He had to prove to his girlfriends that he could get along with their brother for the sake of his own ego. Okay, they hadn't exactly kicked it off on the right foot but who cares!? All that was water under the bridge as far as Naruto and his gigantic ego was concerned, "Put a there!" He extended his hand in greeting, Ichigo eyeballing it and his seemingly wholesome grin suspiciously.
"Yeah, Uzumaki's kinda an idiot." Kuwabara grumbled.
"Fifty-one, Kuwabara."
"Ugh!"
Naruto snickered, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at the brother of his girlfriends, hoping his banter with his rival would be enough to break the ice of hostility between them, "Eh!"
Ichigo was the furthest thing from amused, not even trying to hide his annoyance at the blond's tomfoolery, "Quit screwing around!" He roared.
Naruto released a long, great sigh, giving Ichigo hope he would drop the fuckery, "Look, man, I get it. We're not gonna get along."
"Oh, wow. What a great discovery. Did you figure that one out by yourself?"
"Karin-chan warned me of that much," Naruto continued, promptly ignoring Ichigo's antagonism before he ran his fist through his miserable, sulking face, "But, for the sake of my girls, do you think we could, y'know, AT LEAST pretend to get along?"
"My sisters DON'T belong to you!"
"They're kinda do, though. I'm like, they're guy and I don't mean in the friendship sense."
"As if I'd let Yuzu and Karin date a total freaking scumbag like you!" Ichigo's rage boiled over like a hot overfilled kettle as he sprung forward, adrenaline driving him forward; injuries and fatigue a forgotten thing in his fury. He lunged, aiming to knock that smug whiskered face he hated so much with a punch, but…
Naruto was stronger and his body was still heavily injured despite the burst of energy.
The blond Shinigami slipped past his wild, brawler-styled haymaker, kicking his ankle right from under him to send him plummeting downward, "Yeah, don't go that," Naruto advised flatly, pinning Ichigo down with a foot on his back whilst tapping his temple knowingly, "Especially when you've just been on the receiving of an ass-kicking."
"Damn you…" Ichigo growled, whinging in pain when Naruto pressed his foot further into his spine.
"You know, I've wrecked guys for less than what you did," Naruto remarked.
"You don't say," Ichigo retorted.
"But because you're Yuzu and Karin's big bro, I'm gonna let ya off with a warning," True to his word Naruto lifted his foot from Ichigo's back, relieving the torturous pressure on the obviously injured boy, "You only get one. Don't make the same mistake again." Naruto coolly began to make his exit.
"Bastard," Ichigo murmured, eyeballing the younger boy in disdain, "I swear, I'll never let Karin and Yuzu anywhere near you!"
"Yeah, yeah. Keep telling yourself that drama queen. I'm off to spend time with my girls," He said with extra emphasis just to further hammer the point home to Ichigo that he was with his sisters and he could do nothing about it.
If only his damned body wasn't so damaged from his brutal ass-beating at Bobomaru's paws, Ichigo would be in Naruto's face right now. Unfortunately, he didn't possess the strength to fight anymore until he recovered so he settled for staring, trying to drill a hole through Naruto's retreating back with a fire of pure determination in his gaze.
'You're not getting my sisters.'
It wasn't until Naruto was almost out of sight that Kuwabara snapped out of the trance he had fallen into witnessing Naruto's and Ichigo's heated confrontation, and remembering he was heading to the same place as Naruto, bolted (more like stumbled) to his feet as fast as his exhausted body would allow, "Wait up, Uzumaki! I'm coming too-!" Try as he might though his body just wouldn't maintain his balance, resulting in him falling to the ground.
Or he would've if Naruto hadn't flashed in front of him in a burst of super speed, catching him on his back and snatching his swords out of the air, "Geez. Guess that bear guy did a bigger number than I thought on ya," Naruto surmised. Kuwabara just grunted, pitifully allowing his chin to drop on his shoulder, softening Naruto's gaze, "Don't worry, buddy. I'll get ya patched up at Assface's place in a jiffy."
"Thanks."
And Naruto was gone like the wind, taking Kuwabara with him.
Rukia stared after the Soul Society's fabled legend's darting form in a similar stupor to Kuwabara, only snapping out of it when he was all but out of sight, "Wait, Uzumaki-sama!" She tried but her hero did not reappear like he had for his injured friend. Still, she couldn't help but smile softly. There was just something sincere and sweet about Naruto-sama's consideration and devotion to his friends, 'He's loyal, just like the prophecy foretold."
Oh well. She didn't get the opportunity to meet him properly because of his altercation with Ichigo.
This was indeed her icon, the Great Naruto Uzumaki, and she would definitely interact him with the Soul King himself as her witness.
"Damn it!"
But first she had to tend to Ichigo's wounds.
"I hate that guy!" Ichigo grouched, battering like the ground with his fists like an overpowered child who couldn't get his way. He tried sitting up to vent and pledge his unwavering tenacity to keep his sisters far away from the delinquent thug to the heavens above, but the effort was futile. His body just wouldn't and couldn't obey his commands, "Damn it!" He seethed.
"Well now, that was certainly interesting," He heard Rukia's voice floating overhead, resuming it's usual cool tones with a hint of sarcasm with the dust of the brawl settling down, "I take it you have history with Naruto-sama."
Smug jerk.
"You can say that again," Ichigo growled deeply, flopping on his back with all his might to gaze thoughtfully up at the sea-blue sky and drifting clouds, eagle spread, "Hey," He said, expression devoid of its previous animosity, "How do you know Uzumaki?"
"A simple question," Rukia's chest welled up in pride as she fisted her hourglass figure, "He is the strongest Divine Warrior of the Soul Society."
"Divine what-? Argh!" Ichigo started to question before a surge of pain stopped him in his tracks.
Rukia shook her head, dropping to her knees and cushioning Ichigo's head on her lap, "Get comfortable. I'll tell you the tale of the Great Naruto Uzumaki while I heal your injuries."