Author's Note:

This is another side story I wrote for a competition. The theme is 'ice' and while I was thinking of some cute icy stories, this little shit popped into my head and wouldn't let go :D So… nothing cute, no, just a major creep-fest. There are no… explicit things, exactly, but the general theme of the story is not great and it may be upsetting or triggering. I will put in some warnings at the bottom of the story, just in case.

Well this happened so I might as well go with it :D

The story is canon for the main fic but you don't need to know anything from the main story to read it. It just corresponds to some stuff timewise. It takes place during the second book, around the current arc (i.e. chapter 130). But it's not all that important when this is happening, just in case you were curious.

Also this story has a different format, but I'm pretty sure I don't need to explain too much. You'll catch on ;)

Enjoy and thank you for reading.

Ice Princess

Tirdas

23rd Sun's Dawn 4E203

Most people start their new journals on a new year, unless they hopelessly fill the pages sooner. They say it's a new beginning, New Life and all that.

For me, that would never work.

My new life didn't begin with the end of the calendar year. My new life began on this day. And from that point on, I start and will always start a new journal today. The 23rd of Sun's Dawn will forever be the day that changed my life.

Today was a good day.

I liked that it was so cold. She liked it. She always loves the cold, my ice princess. I still can't believe it's been two years.

Two years since we met. Two years since I found her in the snow, bruised, bloodied and barely conscious. She kept repeating that word and I had no idea what it meant. I thought it was someone's name. Technically it was, but I thought she left someone behind – a traveling companion or a husband. But no.

Who would care so much about a weapon? It was just a weapon. A piece of metal. Or glass. She still keeps going on about the glass and how beautiful it was when it glittered when the sun was high. I didn't care about the weapon one bit. But now I sometimes feel like I should. Because she does. And not just the weapon.

She cares about everything. It's so inspiring. She cares about this cesspool of a city so much. She cares about the people here even if most of them never treat her right, not how she deserves to be treated. They are all in on it with that Guild, all working with them, cooperating, protecting them. I don't have the heart to tell her this effort of hers is fruitless. Besides, I do love watching her try and try, never giving up.

It's no wonder she cares even about a silly weapon. It's alright. She needs to care about everything in the world around her, that just makes her all the more amazing. I only need to care about her.

I still can't forget the day. Should I remind her that we met exactly two years ago on this very day? Maybe she'd want to celebrate. But then again, she probably doesn't have great memories of that day. Maybe no memories at all. Such a shame, but that's alright. As long as I have mine. Come to think of it, we should really celebrate tonight. I'll make sure we do, whether she remembers it or not.

I can still see her in front of me, shivering in the snow. I don't think I've ever seen a Nord shiver, but there she was. Maybe it was from the blood loss though. She was bleeding so much. It was a terrifying sight. I have never seen anyone this wounded before. I know how to provide immediate aid to someone though, my uncle taught me before I left for this journey. He sends me off for his inheritance that's only collectible all the way in Solitude and he teaches me how to help myself if I get hurt. That didn't really make me more confident about the journey. I know he's old and can't go himself, but that cheapskate would rather risk me than hire some couriers.

It's funny to me now how mad at him I was back then. When I read through my old journal, I can only laugh at those rants and whines. My cheap and lazy uncle made me the happiest man alive. Because if I didn't go across the northern roads to Morthal, if I didn't try to keep off the road when I saw the Imperial soldiers marching there, just in case they got uppity like all soldiers tended to, I would have never found my way so close to those Dwemer ruins. So close to her. To my ice princess. My Mjoll.

She kept repeating 'Grimsever'. So cute, so worried about a sword when she was bleeding out and barely aware of her surroundings at all. I took her to Morthal, took care of her, despite the lack of a healer there. I managed with some potions and salves and bandages before we could catch a carriage to Solitude. I don't even know if she remembers any of it now. She was delirious the whole time. All that until she woke up in Solitude, poor thing.

But she's alright now. She's fine. She's with me where she's safe and she'll be with me forever. I'm never letting her get hurt again. Ever.

Sometimes I wish she would forget about that sword of hers. Or the Guild. Dangerous endeavors. I love how much she cares, but I still remember how hard it was for her to recover. Though I should be grateful. If her wounds weren't so extensive, she never would have agreed to come home with me and let me give her some shelter, especially when all her equipment and money got left behind in those ruins along with her sword.

She was talking about it again today. Balimund keeps offering to make her a new one, made out of glass too, but she keeps refusing. I thought I would get it for her as a gift, but the way she keeps saying 'it's not the same', she would probably not like it that much. Sometimes she can be so oblivious. A sword is a sword – who cares? I'm the only one that's actually giving her what she needs, not what she thinks she needs. I'm the one taking care of her all the time, even when she doesn't know. She washed her hair today again without untying it from her braid. She does that all the time, even though it's a mess after. I'm the one who untangles it when she's asleep, who brushes that beautiful long hair, then ties the braid properly again. Who else would be thoughtful enough to do that for her when she couldn't be bothered herself?

She needs me. She needed me when she was wounded and helpless and she needs me now too, despite her strength and bravado. It's an intoxicating feeling to know that – how much a woman like her needs me. She just gets oblivious or forgetful sometimes. She doesn't remember how easy it was to fall, how close she was to death. She doesn't want to admit to herself how dangerous the stuff she does is and she doesn't want to think about the fact that she isn't invulnerable. That she needs someone to look after her.

That's alright though. No matter what she thinks, I'm here. I'm still stumped she agreed to stay here with me in the first place, though I guess it was more about being close to the Guild and trying to change things in Riften, but she still stayed. And I'm here. I'll be here with her forever.

Now I should really go. I spend so much time talking about her. I could do that for days on end. But this is the only place I can. I don't mind though. People have secrets. Not her though. Not from me.

I'll go and prepare her mead now. Everyone likes to warm their mead, but not her. Not my ice princess. She likes it when I add ice chips to it and I always make sure to keep enough ice wraith teeth in stock just for those purposes. It's the most important part of our day after all – sharing a drink by the fire. Me with my alto wine and her with her iced mead.

I still remember when I first asked her about her request for the ice in her drink, while she was still recovering from her ordeal at my house. She just told me it helped her sleep. That was… perfect. I wanted nothing more than to help her with that.

And my herbal remedy in the ice works wonders. She always sleeps like a log.

So at peace. So beautiful. Almost like she's frozen in time.

And all mine, whether she knows it or not.

…

Middas

3rd First Seed 4E203

I am going to kill Balimund.

Why would he suggest something like that? Suggesting that Mjoll goes back there. That's insane! She can't go back to those ruins. She'll die there! And I can't help her in that place.

I have to talk her out of it. I have to. There's no other way. I can't allow her to risk herself like this again. What if this time I won't be able to save her?

No. She needs to stay here, wage her pointless war on the thieves and let me take care of her. That's the only place she can be safe.

I stared at her all morning again. I don't know how it's the most compelling time. I should be more excited about taking care of all her needs while she sleeps and can't protest, but I find the time after that even more enchanting. She looks at peace, still hard asleep after the ice melts in her drink and she downs it all. Her hair is done, her face is almost serene and her cheeks are even flushed. That's the best part. I never see that – I never see her heated or blushing. She cares so much, but she always looks so cold, even when she talks to people, she just doesn't let anything beneath show. People call her stuck-up even. Most don't like her around here, not when she keeps trying to get to the bottom of all the corruption, but that only means I get more of her to myself. And that flush of her cheeks, that's only for me. Nobody ever gets to see that. They just see the icy stare, not this. This is only for me to see when she's still down under the effect of my herbs, sleeping soundly but with all her needs met without her even knowing.

It's the most exciting secret a person can have.

It doesn't hurt her, I'm just helping. Helping with everything, even the things she doesn't know she needs.

But now she seems to have taken Balimund's words to heart. I don't even know what he told her. She just says she's planning an adventure, she won't tell me the details. 'I haven't even worked it all out yet, be patient Aerin,' she keeps saying. How can I be patient? I don't want her to deal with this! I don't want her trying to go back there! It's insane.

Sometimes I wish I could just encase my princess in actual ice, preserved for eternity. Then she would listen, even in her waking hours. She would have to.

I don't want to even think about where all this will go. What insanity she will concoct in that silly head of hers. She needs me to stop this.

No matter what she thinks she needs, she needs me to talk her out of this.

To keep her safe and away from those ruins.

…

Morndas

8th First Seed 4E203

I didn't want to come here.

I knew it was a bad idea. I just knew it. Stupid Whiterun, stupid Companions. Why would she think they can help her? Do they just go around, exploring Dwemer ruins? No. They fight bandits and other worthless scum like that. They don't go adventuring for curiosity's sake, right?

I thought they wouldn't help her.

I hoped they wouldn't help her.

But that horny lummox just wanted one thing. It was obvious. He was all eager to agree with her, likely thinking he would get something out of it. Something out of her.

He would touch my ice princess over my dead body.

Today was the worst day of my life. Seeing her talking to that guy made me so angry. And it made me even angrier when she couldn't shut about her 'new friend Vilkas' who was going to bend over backwards to help her get her stupid sword. I'm sure he wants her to be the one doing the bending over. I even think I saw her blush a bit when she talked about him. The gall. She's only supposed to blush for me.

And why would she act all smitten all of the sudden? She told me she wasn't interested. She said explicitly that she wasn't interested in men or women. That she wasn't interested in anything intimate. She just doesn't know what she wants. And I made it work the way I needed to with my special ice, but now she acts like THAT in front of that guy?! Was she just lying to me? Just to make sure I don't try anything?

But it's been two years and she never acted like that in front of anyone.

And if she wanted anyone, it would be me, right? How could it not be? How could it be anyone else? I'm the one taking care of her, giving her shelter, protecting her. I'm the one who saved her! If anyone deserves her, it's me and nobody else.

She was just doing that to get him to help her. And she was just talking about him like that because she was excited that he agreed. That's all. I must have imagined the blush. It wouldn't happen. No. Never.

I think I might need to make the doses of my herbs a little stronger when I make the ice. The water makes the concoction too… thin. I need more. I need more time with her being like that every day. The hours of the night are not enough.

We belong together and we will be. I just need to nudge more. She'll be fuzzy on the details tomorrow – fuzzy about that Vilkas guy, fuzzy about everything. It's for the best. When I up the doses, I can always make it easier for her to forget the details. She won't forget the man, but she will probably forget some of his words, maybe even how he made her feel. I can only hope. I'm wary of giving her too much of the mixture – it could do some damage to her memory. Real damage. I can't have her forgetting me.

But I just want to make this day feel like a haze. It will be enough to make her waver in her feelings.

I will be the only one who's steady in her life. Always there for her.

They agreed to go inside the ruins together at the end of the next month, along with some other Companions to help.

I don't know what to do. I'm glad they're not intent on going alone, and I will probably be able to join as well. But I don't want this. I don't want her to go there and I don't want her to think it was this asshole that helped her, that got her sword back.

He doesn't get to be the one to look after her needs.

Besides, what she needs is to forget about that stupid sword.

I have to do something.

Maybe I can figure something out. Figure out how to get rid of that man in the ruins. I could find an opportunity to make him succumb to the denizens down there.

I could get the herbal mixture into his waterskin. He would be on the verge of passing out all day – he would fall easily in battle like that. Or maybe I could find another mixture that would work out. Maybe something to slow him down, make his reactions staggered. Maybe something to make him hallucinate.

I'll have to think about this some more. I still have time.

I will make this work.

Now I really need to go. I really need her. I can't wait. I'll suggest we share a drink already. What else is there to do in this city? I just need her asleep now. I need her all to myself.

I can't get this day out of my mind.

But touching her, seeing that serene face on my ice princess, that always erases all worries.

I can't wait.

…

Loredas

20th First Seed 4E203

Everything's ready.

Our expedition is ready. The lummox is taking his brother and two other warriors. Apparently they're all really excited about delving into those ruins. Mjoll acts like she's excited too, but I know it's a lie. I don't know if she knows too, or if she's lying to herself. It doesn't matter. There are so many things she doesn't realize about herself, things I know better than her. It's always like that, but that's fine.

I'm here when she doesn't know any better.

I know she's scared of the ruins, as she should be. I know she doesn't really want to return. Maybe she feels like she has to. All this excitement and confidence are just a farce. I know it. I know her better than she knows herself. I know she needs me to look after her, both physically and mentally.

I make sure her sleep is long and undisturbed. She gets worried sometimes the next day, worried about how much she's sleeping and that time is slipping by her. She just doesn't know, when she's asleep, she's the happiest. And she does the most important things she could do – she's with me. I just reassure her that she's misremembering, that she doesn't sleep that long. And when I give her the upped dosage each day, she often forgets her distress soon.

Maybe I should give her more. Maybe she just needs to realize she has to rely on me. Maybe when she starts to lose her memory, she will learn to cling to me. I don't want her to forget our time together but… she doesn't remember the best parts anyway. Would that really be so bad? In time, she would only be able to remember one thing – that she has me, and that she can just rely on me with every little thing.

I should have considered this earlier. Now it's only eleven days until the expedition. Everything is ready. I have the concoction ready for that lummox – he will surely die in there. It's a slow-acting poison that will drain his stamina overtime. The monsters and automatons will get him.

As for my ice princess, I will think about this when we return.

I still need to consider all the good and bad that would come with this, but I am starting to lean towards the decision and towards upping the dose even more.

She won't get any such stupid ideas in her head anymore – no crusades, no adventures. And she might even forget who she claimed she was. She might forget she knows how to fight. She might forget she convinces herself she's not interested in intimacy. She might even forget her name. I could call her 'my ice princess' to her face.

It's tempting, I can't say that it's not.

I wouldn't have to hide my feelings anymore.

And maybe one day, I wouldn't have to hide anything from her. One day she would rely on me so much she would just let me do anything I wanted, anything she needed, without having to be put to sleep beforehand.

I will decide after the expedition. It's coming so quickly.

Mjoll acts excited, though her icy expression never shows it, her words do. But I know better.

Don't worry, my love. My sweet ice princess.

Everything will be better soon.

We'll get rid of all that threatens the two of us being together. And nothing will ever separate us, no matter what.

I'll make sure of that.

…

Mjoll put the journal back into his nightstand carefully.

There were no more entries, not after this one. It was only two days old after all and Aerin clearly didn't write too often. Only on the momentous days, apparently.

A chill came down her spine when she thought about the existence of the previous journals. She wasn't sure if she could handle reading through them. And she was not spending any more time in Aerin's room to look for them.

She didn't even remember how she got there. She didn't even realize that she was asleep. Again. She didn't want to think about it. That damn ice was her undoing this whole time. How long had he been doing this? She asked him for some iced mead when she was still recovering from Mzinchaleft. Was it then? Did he really start then?

She felt woozy. She wasn't sure what overwhelmed her the most, the realization, the heart-break of what her friend was doing to her, the anger about what he dared to assume she 'needed'. How he dared to assume she didn't know who she was or what she wanted. That he knew better.

How do people deal with things like this? Do they? Does this happen? It's been happening to her for two years and she was none the wiser. Maybe he had a point in one thing – she was oblivious.

This is not on you.

No. This was on him. He did this to her. And he planned to do worse. He planned to do worse to Vilkas too.

That insecure jackass! She wasn't lying. She wasn't interested. She wasn't flirting with Vilkas. He was just nice to her. And maybe it was a novelty to have someone actually talk to her upfront and not just trail after her like a lost puppy, never saying what he's thinking, never speaking up.

Apparently, the silence and deference were something to be wary of.

Talos, she was so tired. But she couldn't sleep. She had to get out of here before he messed with her mind again. She needed to get free from this cycle.

To break out of this ice.

And she wouldn't leave it like this.

She rose from the bed on unsteady feet, but her face betrayed nothing. It never did. No anger, no hurt, no determination. Certainly no 'blush just for him'. There was only a permanent icy expression on it.

He liked the cold? Good.

Soon, all the warmth would be gone from his life. Soon, he would take his last breath and his own skin would turn to ice in no time. His heart already was after all. This was his end. She would not forget. This was the last entry he would ever get to write in that fucked up journal of his.

I'll make sure of that.

Content warning: drugging, obsessiveness, insinuations of non-con stuff happening to a person while they're asleep (no specifics mentioned)