Laura and Steve spent the next weekend shopping for couples' costumes. All of Steve's favorite suggestions, Laura shot right down. She didn't want to be the chocolate to his peanut butter or the peanut butter to his jelly or even the hot sauce to his chicken feet. She was impossible!

"So what do you want to be?" he asked as they wandered the aisles of the third costume shop he'd dragged her to. "It's your turn. I've pitched my very last idea for this Coke commercial."

Laura took a deep breath and sighed. "I don't know, Steve. I hate all the punny costumes. They're lame and the costumes are so… boxy and unflattering. The costumes that aren't punny… Well, look at this one," she said, handing him a doctor and nurse costume. "Why does the woman have to be the nurse? And why does she have to be such a slutty nurse?"

"I know, Sweetums. That's why I haven't been suggesting those costumes. I don't want you to be objectified like that!"

"I know you don't, Steve! But it's not even that. You know I don't mind wearing something kind of sexy. I like it. I just… I don't like it as much lately." She paused for a long moment. "And I don't understand why none of these costumes have the guys wearing anything sexy. It's the double standard that bothers me."

Steve stared at her for a long moment. Was he just supposed to breeze past that comment like she did? "Laura, if you want to wear a sexy costume, wear a sexy costume. Don't let anyone change who you are," he said firmly.

She looked at his determined face. "I want to wear a sexy costume," she admitted eventually, "but I don't want to wear a sexist costume."

"Hm," he paused as he thought. "Well, how about I wear the slutty nurse costume and you be the doctor?" he grinned, holding a skimpy unrealistic dress up against his chest.

Laura chuckled. "Maybe," she agreed. She watched as he struck a couple of goofy-sexy poses before he hung the costumes back on the rack.

"I don't know, Sweetums," he said. "I'm not sure minidresses are for me." He leaned in close to whisper in her ear. "My legs are nice, but we all know my best feature is my… candy bar," he purred.

Laura gasped. "Bad boy," she scolded softly. "It's not Devil's Night just yet. Behave!"

"Yes, Ma'am," he agreed, kissing her cheek.

"You do make a good point though," she admitted.

"What's that?"

"Well, if I were going to put you in a sexy outfit, it wouldn't be a minidress. It would be something that highlighted your best features the way a bodycon minidress highlights mine."

"Laura," Steve whispered urgently. "I am not comfortable wearing a costume that exposes my… Toblerone."

Laura smiled at him. "You think I would ever let you show that thing off?" she smirked.

"Oh, so you get to be jealous and possessive?"

"Possessive of your dick?" she laughed, stepping closer to him. "Yes."

Steve stood up straighter and rubbed her hip. "I have absolutely no issue with that."

Laura continued searching through the aisles for the perfect costume.

"So what did you mean, Candy Corn? What is a costume that would show off my best features?"

Laura paused and turned back to him. "Well, I guess it would show off your muscles. I feel like I'm the only person in the world who has really seen you since Houston. You're strong, Steve, and your muscles are well defined. Everybody thinks I'm crazy, but they just don't know what you really look like."

"So you want me to go naked?"

"No," she said firmly. Then something behind him caught her eye. She grabbed a costume and held it up for him. "But maybe as close to naked as you can get?"

———————————————————

The day of the party, Laura was in the bathroom, perfecting her hair and makeup when Steve walked in.

"Laura Lee," he began seriously. "I don't know about this. I'm starting to get a little nervous."

Laura looked up at him in the mirror and smiled brightly. She turned around and moved closer to him. "Look at you," she cooed. She reached out and grabbed his hips, barely covered by the furry briefs he was wearing. She ran her hands up his chest and stroked the leafy sash he wore that did nothing to cover his muscular torso. She grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him closer. "You have nothing to be nervous about, Tarzan. You look soooo good." She stroked his strong arms as he straightened up, puffed out his chest, and flexed slightly.

"You really think so?" he asked weakly.

"Yes, Steve. Seriously. Take a second and look at yourself in the mirror." She got behind him and looked around his shoulder. She placed her hands on his shoulders and stroked down his muscular arms. Then she wrapped her arms around him and grabbed his pecs. She ran her hands down his chest and stopped at his abs. She zigzagged a finger down his abs. "Do you really not see what I see?" she whispered in his ear.

Steve swallowed hard. He knew he looked better than he did when he was younger, and he knew Houston had greatly helped to define his more mature and masculine shape. He knew all of this logically, but he still had so many insecurities that went well beyond the logical part of his brain and were deeply rooted in his childhood experiences.

"You don't have to wear it if it makes you uncomfortable, Steve. That's not what I wanted at all. I just wanted you to feel sexy and confident, and I wanted a little support tonight when I dress up as Jane."

Steve turned around and pulled her into his arms. He looked down at her costume. All things considered, it wasn't that out there. She wore a tight halter top and miniskirt made of the same leopard print material as his short shorts. She wore a crown made of leaves attached to her just-the-right-amount-of-messy hair. Her makeup was dark and fierce. She was less exposed than she would be in any bathing suit he had ever seen her wear. Normally, he wouldn't love the idea of her being dressed even like this at a non-pool-party party, but given how she'd been feeling lately, he loved any outfit that made her feel confident and empowered. He knew that his role as her supportive partner tonight meant being Jane's supportive partner, no matter how hard it was for him, but it was still going to be hard. "I want to support you," he promised. "I really do, but this…" He turned back and looked at himself in the mirror. "This is scary for me."

"It's just like wearing a swimsuit," Laura suggested.

"I know," he agreed, "but I've never felt particularly comfortable in one of those either."

Laura nodded thoughtfully. "You don't have to wear this."

"I want to," he promised, kissing the top of her head. "Just so long as you won't be embarrassed to be seen with me… like this," he added, gesturing to his half-nakedness.

Laura smiled softly and shook her head at him. "You have no idea what you look like, do you?" she said softly. She reached up and stroked his cheek. "I know you're doing this for me, and I so appreciate that, but I think tonight will be good for you, too. I won't be embarrassed at all to be seen with my handsome, strong husband in a silly, sexy costume. You better just prepare yourself for all the attention you're gonna get because I don't want it goin' to your head," she teased.

"Yeah, right," he scoffed.

"Just wait and see," she insisted.

———————————————————

When Laura and Steve walked through the door, they walked in early because Laura had volunteered herself for several committees that needed to bring or prepare something right at the start of the party because she knew she couldn't do any of the planning or clean-up committees without risking running into Alex. She and Steve walked in with bags loaded with food and decorations. Laura looked around and took in the scene as she entered. "Steve, I'm gonna take all this food into the kitchen. Do you think you could help those girls move furniture?"

"On it, Sweetums," he chirped, handing her his food bags and taking her bags of decoration. He tossed those on a coffee table and approached the ladies. They looked at him as he walked up to them, and he almost thought — almost — that they weren't actually looking him in the eye. That they were maybe — just maybe — looking at his body? He grew immediately self-conscious. "Need any help, ladies?"

The pitch of his voice surprised both of them and shocked them out of their distant stares. "Um. Sure," one said with a gentle shrug to the other who shrugged back.

———————————————————

When Max and Eddie arrived at the sorority house, the party was in full swing. Max was dressed as a sexy cop and Eddie was dressed as a sexy robber. Max had added some realism to her costume with Eddie's real handcuffs. They walked in and immediately started their search for Laura. When they found her, they were surprised to say the least. After the intense blow out Laura and Steve had had at the last sorority party they went to, Max and Eddie weren't exactly expecting to see the two of them cuddled close in a corner away from the dance floor. Laura was nibbling on Steve's neck and ear on and off as he playfully pushed her away. More shockingly, Steve wasn't wearing a shirt and neither of them had seen him shirtless in years. He had changed significantly, and suddenly, Max understood Laura just a little bit better. She wasn't ready to fall for Steve Urkel, but she had to admit he was packing more muscle and definition than she had ever expected, and if Laura was to be believed, what he was packing under those short shorts was even more exciting.

"Oh, my God!" Eddie exclaimed as they walked up to them. "Steve, what are you wearin'?"

Steve jumped slightly and pushed Laura away from him just a little too hard. "Eddo!" he exclaimed. "Um. I'm Tarzan."

"Tarzan in a porn parody?" he questioned.

"Eddie!" Laura scolded. "Leave him alone. It's not that revealing."

"It's more of my brother-in-law and my sister than I had planned on seeing tonight."

Max hit his arm. "Oh, leave 'em alone. You guys look great."

"Thank you, Max," Laura said, cuddling close to Steve again.

Max smirked as she looked Steve up and down. "Surprisingly great, actually."

Laura noticed the glint in her eye and smirked back. "Maxine Johnson, you best keep those wandering eyes to yourself," she reminded her, grabbing Steve by the neck and pulling him closer.

"Wandering? Where are your eyes wandering?" Eddie squawked.

"I would also like to know," Steve mumbled uncomfortably, pulling Laura gently to stand in front of him.

"Relax, baby," Laura replied softly. "I was just teasing."

"So how is the party going?" Max asked, pushing the conversation along.

"Good," Laura replied. "The decorations look great and people seem to be enjoying the snacks I brought, so I'm hoping I'm finding my way outta the dog house."

"Snacks?!" Eddie exclaimed. "Baby, I'm gonna go grab you a drink," he announced, leaning down to kiss Max's cheek. "C'mon, Steve! Show me to the snacks."

Steve hesitated as he took a step away from Laura to follow him. "Are you gonna be ok on your own, Jack-o-lantern?"

"Yes," Laura said firmly, waving him off. "I'm fine."

"Ok. I'll be right back."

"Ok," Laura nodded again, waving him off again as he trailed slowly away from her.

"He's extra clingy, huh?" Max laughed when he was out of earshot.

"Yeah," Laura smirked. "He is being so sweet and considerate, but yes. Definitely a little on the clingy side."

"It's nice though, huh?"

"Very," she agreed. "One of the traits I found most annoying when we were kids, and even a little annoying since we've been married, has been one of my favorite things about him lately."

"Any sign of you-know-who?" Max asked softly.

"No," Laura replied. "Thank God."

"So you think you're safe for tonight, or are you gonna be on guard all night?"

"I think I'm safe from him, and not only because I know Steve will be looking out for him all night, but I also think my sorority sisters have my back." She paused for a moment. "And you and Eddie, too, of course," she added, hugging her side.

"Of course, we do," she agreed. "You deserve a drama-free night, Laura, or at least a night where the biggest drama is me contemplating stealing your man," she joked.

Laura gasped and released her hip. "Um. Excuse me, Miss Ma'am. Who do you think you are? As if you could steal Steve Urkel away from me! Laura Winslow!"

Max laughed. "I just said I was contemplating it. He looks good in that Tarzan costume. I know you said Houston had been good to him, but damn, girl! This is why I've always been so adamant that you need to give me details. What I was picturing was way off."

Laura laughed. "I tried to tell ya."

"All jokes aside, I was not expecting sexy costumes from either one of you tonight. I am impressed. You came to play."

"Well, there is a costume contest, you know."

———————————————————

As the night progressed without Alex sightings, Laura got more and more comfortable. Steve took longer to relax, but he had fun along the way. It was late in the evening when Steve finally pulled her off of the dancefloor. "Sweetums, I've gotta run to the little boy's room. Do you wanna come with me or…?"

Laura smirked at him and stepped closer. "Steve Urkel, are you trying to hook up with me in the bathroom at a sorority party?"

Steve felt his face flush and he looked away. "No, Laura Lee. Not at all. I just wanted to know where you'd feel most comfortable."

Laura smiled and stroked his cheek. "I'm fine, baby. Go ahead."

Steve nodded and leaned in to kiss her cheek. "I'll be right back, my little, leopard-print lover."

"Ok," she replied. She turned behind her to browse the snack table as he walked away. Laura jumped when she felt a hand on her back. "Did you forget- Oh!" she exclaimed. She had thought she would be turning back to find Steve, but instead, she was making eye contact with a man in a full gorilla suit. "Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else," she mumbled uncomfortably. She waited a moment for this man to pull away apologetically, but when he didn't, Laura got goosebumps. "Excuse me," she said as she tried to leave the snack table to catch up with Steve in the bathroom. The gorilla grabbed her arm firmly when she took her first step. She turned back to look at him. "Alex?" she asked softly.

After a tense pause, she heard a laugh erupt from inside the gorilla. "Caught me!" he exclaimed, still holding on to her arm tightly.

"Alex, what are you doing here? You aren't supposed to be here," she said tightly.

"Like I'm going to miss a party with our sister sorority!"

"You were asked not to come," she reminded him.

"Why are you acting like this?" he complained. "Didn't you miss me? You've been so hard to get a hold of recently."

"Alex, you know what's going on. I know you know what's going on," she said firmly. He stared at her silently from behind that gorilla mask. She hated that she couldn't see his facial expressions to help her monitor his challenging and possibly dangerous emotions as they shifted. "Alex, I'm staying away from you because you're harassing me. I'm married and not interested and I just want you to leave me alone," she said that last line louder as she started to tear up, earning some concerned looks from the people closest to them. None of whom moved to help her.

"Laura," Alex said in a soft voice that scared her, "let's get out of here. Before Steve comes back from the bathroom. Let's go somewhere we can be alone so we can talk all this out."

Laura shuttered. "I'm not going anywhere with you," Laura said firmly, making sure to say it loud enough for plenty of witnesses to hear. "Now let go of my arm!" Laura tried to pull her arm back, and his grip tightened again, painfully so. "Alex, you're hurting me," she whined.

Suddenly, Eddie was beside them. "Let go of her, man. Let go of her right now," he boomed. Laura was relieved to hear his voice and especially relieved to hear his cop voice.

When Alex didn't let go, Eddie elbowed him hard in the gut. He released her arm and doubled over. Eddie grabbed his costume and pulled him toward the door. "Go home, man!" he yelled as he tossed him out. "Leave my sister alone!" Then he slammed the door in his face. When Eddie turned back to Laura, Max already had her in her arms.

Laura was nearly hyperventilating as Max held her.

"It's ok, Laura," Max said. "He's gone."

"H-he wanted- H-he was trying to make me leave with him," she wheezed.

"But you didn't. You're ok," Max whispered.

When Steve got back from the bathroom, he quickly crossed the room to them, quickening his pace when he saw how Max was holding Laura. "What happened?" he asked immediately.

Laura instantly let go of Max and threw herself into Steve. She took a deep breath to explain but all that came out was a sob.

Steve looked at Max for help.

"Alex was here," Max said.

Steve's brow furrowed and he pulled Laura into him tighter. "Is he-?"

"He's gone," Max interrupted. "Eddie threw him out. He was the one in the gorilla suit, just so you know."

Steve nodded and looked down at Laura, still crying, her voice muffled his shoulder. "Laura, c'mon," he said softly, leading her out of the room. He led her up the stairs and into the first bedroom they came across. He guided her over to the bed and sat beside her, still holding her close. "Laura, it's ok. He's gone."

"I should've gone with you to the bathroom," she cried. "I thought everything was ok."

"I did, too, Sweetums." He paused and looked down at her. He pushed her back just a little and lifted her chin so she would look him in the eye. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, Laura Lee. I'm so, so sorry I wasn't there to protect you."

"It's not your fault," she sniffled, wiping her tears as she began to calm down again. "He obviously waited until you walked away. That's why we were hours into the night before he revealed he was in the room with us the whole time. He was waiting for you to be out of the room. He was waiting for me to be alone."

"I NEVER should have left you alone," Steve scolded himself.

"Don't beat yourself up, Steve. You've been so amazing through all of this. You couldn't have known we weren't safe here."

Steve lurched forward and hugged her close. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again."

Laura hugged him back. "That sounds pretty good to me right now."

Steve pulled back slowly and touched his nose against hers. He leaned forward and kissed her deeply.

Laura moaned softly and put her hands on his cheeks. As Steve moved to kiss her neck, she purred softly, "Oh, Steve." He lay her down and climbed on top of her, slipping between her legs. "Wait," she said, pushing him up firmly.

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at her. "What's wrong?"

"Someone could be watching us, Steve. We can't do this here."

Steve frowned and nodded. "Of course," he agreed. "I'm sorry. I have no idea what I was thinking."

Laura slipped out from under him and sat up. He joined her quickly and she laid her head on his shoulder. "You were thinking that you were scared, and you wanted to find comfort in me. I do, too, Steve. We'll have sex the second we get home."

"We don't have to," he shrugged uncomfortably.

"I want to, and under normal circumstances, I'd be willing to here, too, but nothing has been normal lately."

"No, it hasn't."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's not your fault."

"No," she agreed, "but I'm still sorry that we're only five months into our marriage and this is what we're spending all our time dealing with."

"You know, our six month anniversary is on Monday."

"I know," Laura said softly. "This should be our biggest anniversary celebration yet, but with everything going on, I haven't planned anything, Steve."

"I haven't really planned much either," he nodded.

"That's ok," she replied.

"No, it's not, Laura. I'm going to find a way to make that day special for us. I promise."

"I'm sure you will," she agreed, "but all I need is you. That day will be special enough because it will mark six months of us promising to always be there for each other, and you being there like you have been for me through all of this is all I need to celebrate that promise. You've proven yourself over and over again over the past couple months."

"You know I would've done everything in my power to protect you from this even if you'd never fallen for me, right?"

"What?" she asked in surprise.

"I want you to know that you don't have to love me or even like me to earn my loyalty. You don't have to stay with me just for my protection and devotion. I will always do everything I can to protect."

"How could you even say that, Steve?"

"It's important to me that you know that."

"I do know that, but the way you've been protecting me? It's only made me fall deeper and deeper in love with you. I'm honestly embarrassed by how much I need you right now. I need all of you, completely, Steve. Not just your protection and devotion, but also the way you are the only person who can make me laugh when I'm at my lowest and the way you can totally distract me when I'm upset." She leaned closer to his face slowly. "And, of course, the way you can totally relax every tense muscle in my body with a mind-blowing orgasm," she whispered. She smiled to herself as she saw his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. "I know you would protect me even if we weren't together, but I need the whole package right now, Steve. I need all of you. I need you as my husband."

"As long as you know I will always be there for you, even if you can't offer the same to me," Steve said softly.

She reached out and cupped his cheek, caressing it softly. "I am so glad you're not going through something like this that would give me an opportunity to prove to you how deeply you can trust me now, but if, God forbid, you ever do need to trust me this completely, go ahead and fall, baby. I'll be right there to catch you."

Steve leaned in again and captured her lips. He kissed her passionately, grateful to once again have all of his self-conscious fears and intrusive thoughts quelled. "I love you," he whispered as soon as he broke the kiss.

"I love you, too," she replied. She finally pulled away and stood up. "Ready to go back downstairs?" she asked, offering him her hand.

He stood and took it. "Sure," he agreed. "Or, you know, we could just go home."

"Not yet, baby. Please. I don't want to end the night like this."

Steve nodded and kissed the top of her head. "Ok. Let's go back downstairs," he agreed immediately, always willing to do whatever would make her happy.

———————————————————

When they did finally head home after ending the night on a much happier note, Steve threw Laura over his shoulder at the elevator doors.

"Ahh!" she screamed and laughed.

Steve beat his bare chest with his freehand like a gorilla and grunted like a monkey. "Oo. Oo. Oo. Ooo. Ooo. Ah. Ah. AH!" he crouched low like a caveman and made his way to the apartment.

"Put me down!" she laughed.

Steve opened the door and slammed it behind them. He stood up straight to lock it and put the chain in place. Then he crouched again and grunted his way to the bedroom. He tossed her down onto the bed and climbed on top of her. "I. Steve. You. Laura," he growled.

Laura smiled brightly. "Very good," she purred. "But I have so much more to teach you, Tarzan."

Steve wiggled his eyebrows. "Oh, no. Tarzan know how," he promised. "Tarzan watched monkeys."

Laura laughed loudly. "Oh, my God!" she cackled.

"What?" he grinned. "You think that's funny?" he began to tickle her.

She rolled over slightly as she continued laughing. "Oh, my God! Stop!" she laughed. "Stop!" she kept laughing. "Baby, I mean it!"

Suddenly, there was a loud clunk, and Steve collapsed to the floor.

"Steve?!" Laura exclaimed as she sat up. She looked down at Steve, and then her eyes met the baseball bat behind him. "Alex?" she asked weakly.