Chapter 26
We Can Only Go Forward

Lucas returned from working at his aunt's clinic the following Thursday, knowing he'd be spending the evening upstairs. He had to finish out a paper due in the next day, before taking off for another Austin weekend with Maya. The semester was nearly done, everything was just ramping up… The funny thing was that the work didn't stress him out that much. He would sit and focus on whatever he had to be reading or writing, and he would push all the stress and the anticipation into the back of his mind for a little while.

Three weeks until the move, and not long after that… he'd have a son, he'd be a father… The closer they got to that threshold, when the baby would be with them, to be held, to be cared for, the more he realized how much he was starting to feel anxious and just a bit scared. Here would be this little boy, this new life that he and Maya had created together… What if he messed up? He'd been preparing all this time, reading books, and articles, and watching videos, practicing how to change diapers and any number of childcare activities, and that was all good and fine because there was no actual baby yet.

The wild thing here was that he and Maya kept on mirroring each other. He was so confident that she would be a phenomenal mother, while he remained nervous over his capabilities as a father, and at the same time… Maya kept telling him how great he would be, but he knew… He knew how much she doubted herself, too. Neither of them had really addressed the issue beyond continually reiterating their trust in the other's skill as a future parent. They were going to have to talk it over sooner or later, preferably before their sprout was good and born, but right now… Right now, they had assignments, and finals, and a move… They just had to keep going.

He walked into the bedroom to find Maya had the dogs with her and also a guest. Rosa was sitting cross-legged on the bed, with Lou in her lap, while Trix followed at Maya's heels as she looked to a selection of items spread on the bed, next to a bag he knew was meant to be her hospital bag when the day would come for their baby to be born. She looked like she was in the process of stocking it up, filling it at the ready. Rosa was the first to notice his arrival.

"Hey, Lucas," she raised her hand in greeting. Maya turned around now, smiling when she saw him. He moved to join her, hugging her and pressing a kiss to her lips when she turned her face up to look at him again.

"How was the clinic?" she asked.

"Pretty relaxed, all things considered," he informed her with a nod.

"Probably a good thing," Rosa piped in. They looked at her. "That just means there's no animals in distress, you know?" she shrugged. If she wasn't sitting right there, they would have joked how she was already making herself at home here – which was more than fine by them – so they could only imagine what she'd be like when she moved in. They hadn't made her the offer yet, but it kind of made sense, didn't it? She'd be going to college in the fall, and there would be a room to spare once the two of them moved out… It just felt right.

"You're doing the hospital bag," Lucas remarked, looking to the stuff on the bed.

"Yeah, well, with where I'm at right now, it just made sense for us to be ready, in case this guy in here starts to get ideas about when he wants to make his debut," Maya explained, nodding down to her belly, which at thirty-two weeks was only getting to feel impossible in the best way.

"Yeah, I can see that," Lucas nodded along.

"Oh, you have that paper to write," Maya gasped now, remembering them talking about it earlier. "I can finish this later…"

"No, hey, it's fine," he stopped her before she could go and try to clear out of the room. "I'll go work down in the basement. Really, it's fine, it'll be quiet. Keep it up," he indicated the spread on the bed, leaning to kiss her forehead before heading back out into the hall. Maya watched him go, hating that she'd displaced him, though at the same time…

"Why didn't you tell him?" Rosa asked quietly. Maya turned to her. "I mean you're fine now, it's not like…"

"Like he'll worry? Of course, he will. Trust me, it doesn't take much to get him going these days, and he already has a lot going on. Thank you for not saying anything before, can you keep it that way?" Maya asked her friend and bandmate… former bandmate… Rosa sighed, but she nodded.

It had started earlier that day, at the university. She'd been studying in Professor Robinson's office, her preferred alternative to the library as she'd advanced further and further into her pregnancy. She didn't have to deal with there being so many people there that she'd sometimes have to walk a good five minutes before a table became available, dealing with fellow students who cared more about their workload than about allowing her a spot to sit and get off her feet. She had a nice, comfy couch and a much better desk chair to sit on than what they had at the library, and she could eat without someone coming along and giving her The Look. Where else would she want to be?

So, there she'd been, on the couch, earbuds in her ears, feet up, book in her lap, while the professor sat at her desk, answering e-mails from students. Maya had been trying to ignore some discomfort for a while, to focus on her reading, and then suddenly there'd been this feeling in her, and it was just new and unfamiliar, and it caught her off guard enough that she tugged a bud from her ear as she sat up, book slipping from her hand to land with a thump on the ground, startling Professor Robinson.

"What…" she started to ask, but then she was looking over and seeing her student's face fill with rising distress. She stood from her desk at once and went over to her. "Maya, what's happening, what is it?"

In her head, in that moment, Maya could not even find any kind of rational thinking. Her thoughts had gone right for the panic lane, the one insisted that clearly something must be going on, something that wasn't supposed to happen, not for weeks, no…

"No, no, no, no, no..." she breathed, like all the alarms were going off. She was so trapped in that moment that it took several seconds before she felt her professor's hand holding hers, before she could see that the woman was right there with her, talking to her.

"Maya, look at me," she insisted, so Maya looked at her. "Breathe, you're alright. Tell me what you're feeling right now. Don't spare me details." She could barely think at first, but finally she answered. "Right, now I know you're feeling scared right now, but try and pull yourself together, okay? I'm right here. We're going to see if this is real or not."

Real or not. Finally, when Patty said this, Maya took a solid breath, like she was remembering all these things she'd been reading, and maybe her professor was right, maybe this wasn't actually a contraction, not the kind that would lead to delivery. Maybe she was overreacting…

They'd sat there together for a while. The thing Maya had felt had stopped not so long after it had started, though with how panicked she'd been, she couldn't say for sure how long it had lasted. Minutes had gone by, and as the event continued to draw further and further away without reprise, Maya started to feel a lot more reassured, and maybe just the tiniest bit foolish, too. She'd known this could happen, she'd told herself again and again that it was normal, that it would pass, that it wasn't… real… And then the second it had happened she'd shot right past knowledge and into trepidation and fear.

"I'm sorry I freaked out on you…" she looked to her professor, who immediately shook her head.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Maya dear. It's only natural at this point for you to feel this way. You know, they can write as many books as they like, but there's nothing that can tell you exactly what you'll feel or how you'll react when this happens, whether it ended up being the real deal or not. And now you have felt it, so the next time you'll know."

"Whether it's real or not…" Maya breathed.

"You'll know when it's the real one. For one thing, it will continue," Patty smiled kindly. Maya still couldn't help but feel just a bit embarrassed for how she'd lost her nerve so easily. The way she was rubbing her back though, they had clearly shifted away from their professor/student side into the friendlier, mentor/mentee side, where they were on a first name basis. Maybe it was okay to let her vulnerability show. "Why don't you go home, get some rest."

"I think I'm okay now," she shook her head. "Really. And I should…" she reached for her book. Patty scooped it up and held it just out of reach.

"You can do that at home," she pointed out. Maya really just wanted to be back there, she couldn't deny it, and much as she felt she needed to stay, she finally agreed. "Can someone come and take you there?" Patty asked, like she would do it herself if there was no one else who could.

In that moment, her first thought had been of Lucas, of course. But even as she thought about him, she also thought about how he'd react when she told him what happened. Sure, now that it was over and she knew that it hadn't been real, she was feeling more at ease again, but it wouldn't be the same for him, she knew… And they were all just so stressed right now, she didn't want to make things worse for him. He didn't need to know about this. For his own good, she had to keep him in the dark.

She still needed to get home, and as she went through the list of potential bus buddies, she soon ruled out her roommates. The easiest way to keep this contained would be for her not to introduce knowledge into the house. Once she got there, her options were limited by a number of factors, mostly availability. It eventually came down to two choices: Patty… or Rosa. This had potential for trouble, too, seeing as they worked together at the bookstore, Lucas and Rosa did, but it felt like the safest option. If it somehow got out that she'd been driven home earlier than expected, by her professor…

Maya: Hey, are you at school?

Rosa: Yeah. A lot of senior stupidity is happening atm.

Maya: Do you have to be there?

Rosa: Rather not.

Maya: Can you meet me somewhere?

Rosa: Please.

About twenty minutes later, there was a knock at the office door, and Professor Robinson went and opened it to find their visitor had arrived. Rosa walked in, looking like she'd been in awe since she'd walked on to the university grounds.

"Please, can I start here like today?" she asked Maya, making her chuckle as much as the professor. "Why'd you want me to come? I know I didn't ask before, but I literally would have come if you'd asked me to lick a stamp, I was that bored and embarrassed of my generation."

"I need you to take me home," Maya told her, standing from the couch.

"Okay?" Rosa blinked, confused. "I don't have a car…"

"It's fine, we can take the bus, I just didn't want to go alone and…" Maya started to say, just as Patty came up and dropped two twenty-dollar bills into her hand.

"You're taking a cab, no argument."

"Okay, so what's going on?" Rosa asked as the two of them walked out of the university to go and hail a cab. Maya quickly recounted what had happened in Professor Robinson's office. Rosa was expectedly startled at first, though by Maya's assurances that she was better now and just wanted to be home, to take it easy for the rest of the day, she'd soon shifted into just being a friend by her side, which was what she'd needed all along.

They got in a cab, which took them back to the house. No one else was around at the moment, but off her awareness of the others' schedules, she knew it wouldn't be long before this changed. Rosa had immediately insisted that Maya go and sit up on the couch, or maybe upstairs on her bed if she felt up to the climb… She asked if she wanted anything to eat, if she could make her anything or order…

"Come with me," Maya cut her off.

"Yeah, okay," Rosa followed as she headed to the stairs. The dogs had been at their favorite spot, on the landing, though they'd come right down when Maya had opened the door. Now they were on her trail once more, all the way into hers and Lucas' room. "What's up?" Rosa asked. Maya went to the closet, pulling out a bag that looked brand new. She took it over to the bed, set it there, and then she proceeded to instruct Rosa on some items to collect and bring to the bed, which she did at once.

"No, not that one, the blue one," she told her when she held up two vests.

"Are you going somewhere?" Rosa asked now.

"Not yet, but when I do, I just… I want to be ready," Maya replied, gathering some things from the drawer where they'd started to collect baby things. A lot of it was already out in Austin, at the house, but they'd kept some of it here, just in case.

"Ready for… Oh," Rosa finally understood. "That was really freaky today, huh?" Maya let out a breath, looking at the onesie with the stars and moons she'd gotten from Willow.

"Yeah…" Maya admitted.

"But everything's okay, isn't it?"

"It is," Maya nodded. "It just… I don't know when the next time will be, and I don't know if that next time will be another false alarm or if it'll be the real thing." It couldn't be, not yet. They just needed a few more weeks, he needed… She gasped.

"What is it? Is it happening again?" Rosa asked, dashing up to her side.

"No, no, it's just… I think I found his name..." she smiled.

"I thought you already had one. You wouldn't tell us what it was."

"Yeah, we had one picked for a while, but then it didn't feel right anymore…" Maya quickly explained, still hearing the new name echo in her mind. It was hard not to wonder if it would end up feeling wrong like the one before, too, but for now she chose to hold on to it and wait to see what would happen.

"Can I hear it this time?" Rosa pleaded innocently. Maya hesitated. They had been intent on keeping the name a secret until they actually had a baby to present to their friends and families, and they'd done that, back when they had been working with Alexander. And she would sort of feel bad if she told some people before she told other people, not to say that Rosa wasn't deserving of this 'honor'… especially now, with what she had done for her today…

"You keep it to yourself?" Maya gave her a look. Rosa nodded energetically. "Fine," Maya sighed, earning a grin. "Maybe you can help me figure out which spelling's best, I've seen it so many ways…"

They sat on the edge of the bed, and Maya opened a note on her phone, typing out the name first as her instincts told her to write it. Rosa peeked at the screen and let out a short squeak, which made the dogs bark. Maya calmed them easily before looking to her friend.

"Does that mean 'good' or…"

"No, I love it," Rosa assured her. "Although…" she snorted.

"What?" Maya asked.

"Well… the initials," Rosa pointed. Maya looked. "E.L.F." She groaned, but then she shrugged.

"Better that than a weird 80's alien," she decided.

"What?" Rosa blinked.

"Never mind," Maya waved it off. She guessed she could do with those initials. Christmas, elves… They'd kind of played a part in their story, hadn't they? "What do you think, for the spelling?"

"It's okay, it's good. You like it, don't you?" Rosa asked. Maya looked at the screen again, set her free hand to her belly as she tried to conjure up the image she'd always had of this boy that was half her and half Huckleberry… She imagined herself calling to him, the way Lucas had gotten her to do, on New Year's Eve around the fire… Did she feel surer than she'd been back when she'd been calling him Alexander? More, or the same, or less? She wouldn't know, not until later, when she went and saw what Lucas thought. Like she'd told him, it wasn't because they had agreed she would name him if he was a boy that he wouldn't get a say in the choice.

As they'd continued gathering things Maya would need on the day the baby was born and when she and Lucas would take him home, some of the others had started to arrive. Rosa had gone down to say hello and effectually reveal her presence, on the excuse that she'd needed Maya's help with something for an assignment at school. Left alone with the dogs and her half-made bag, Maya debated calling her mother, to ask her about the false labor, but then changed her mind just as quick, not wanting to put any additional stress on her at the moment.

In the end, she'd texted Willow, who'd had much experience with this in the weeks leading up to Zola's birth. It had helped. By the time Rosa had come back up to continue helping her, with a report that dinner was being made down below, Maya was reasonably more reassured than she'd already been.

Then, when Lucas had come home and found the two of them upstairs with the bag, she'd debated telling him, but eventually she'd stuck to her first decision. For now, ignorance would be bliss.

She was done with the bag by the time dinner was served. Going into the kitchen, she remembered that Lucas was in the basement, working on his paper, so she made him a plate and went to bring it to him. Rosa asked if she wanted a hand, as casually as possible, to which Maya promised she would be fine, that she would be careful. She climbed down the stairs, hearing the rapid clicking of fingers typing away. When Lucas looked up from his screen and realized she was coming, he set his laptop aside and stood at once to go and relieve her of the plate before she'd made it halfway down.

"Thanks," he told her.

"Thank you," she countered. "Not a fan of stairs these days, you know?"

"You know, not crazy about them either," he smiled. "Did you already eat?"

"I will when I go back up," she shrugged, coming down the rest of the way. He looked at her for a moment, then put his plate down before hiking his way upstairs, two steps at a time. Seconds later, he returned with her plate in hand. "Secret basement dinner, I can get on board with that," she smiled as they went and sat on the couch in the music room, where he'd been working. "How's the paper coming along?" she asked while he handed her plate over and he picked up his own.

"Pretty well," he nodded. "Did so much research, it's mostly a matter of putting everything together."

"Tell me about it," Maya smiled.

"Yeah…"

"No, I mean it, tell me about your research, I want to know." The meal thus consisted mostly of his telling her about what he'd learned, which became something beneficial for him, in that it gave him new ideas, allowed him to refine his structure. "You can go back to work up in our room," Maya told him, when they'd finished eating. "I'm done with the bag and I'm too tired to open a book so I'll probably just go and watch TV for a while until I go to bed."

"If you need to go and lie down, I'm probably just going to stay down here anyway. It helps sometimes to start and finish writing in the same place, you know?" he shrugged.

"I'll leave you to it then," she leaned over to kiss him before moving to stand.

"You can stay," he stopped her. "I mean, if you want to… I kind of like having you there, like my muse or something." She laughed.

"I'm very muse like," she agreed, settling back in.

For some time, she sat at his side, then sort of lay across the couch, curled up on her side across two thirds of the seat. Lucas sat at the other end, typing away. Whenever he'd stop, to reread a paragraph, or check his notes, or think about what he'd add next, he'd read over and give her feet what relief he could provide. In no time, she'd dozed off, and he kept writing. When he was done, sending the document up to print, he gathered his things, carried them to their room, returned, brought the long-emptied dishes to the kitchen, then returned once again to wake Maya.

"What time is it?" she asked, half awake.

"Bed time," he reported. "I can leave you here, otherwise you need to get up."

"Are you suggesting I'm too heavy now," she teased as she sat up.

"I said no such thing," he promised as he helped her up.

"I know you didn't, you're my Huckleberry man," she crooned up at him with a lazy smile, which he met with a kiss. "Come on, let's start up, I have a feeling it's going to take me a while, it's been a long day," she sighed as they went.

"Oh, yeah?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she sighed, pausing after a beat as she realized what she was about to say, and that she was trying not to get him caught up in it. He would say that he was already caught up in it, because it was her and the baby and they mattered more to him than anything else in the world, but then he held that spot along with their son in her book, and she needed to spare him what little worries she could, when he didn't need to be feeling them. "I'll be glad when the semester's over and I can ride the end of this pregnancy into the sunset…" That much wasn't a lie at least.

"You'll ride it into Austin at least," he smiled as they reached the top of the basement steps and made their way to the next staircase, to take them to the second floor. She chuckled.

"On a float," she vowed. "With pageant waves," she mimed. "Not that I ever did any of those, but I could have."

"You would have won," Lucas declared, forever her number one fan.

"Awww," she laughed. By the time they got to their room, got changed, and climbed into bed, she felt like she would be asleep soon, whether she allowed it or not. "Lucas…"

"Yeah?" he asked, his thumb stroking at her shoulder.

"I think I found his name…"

TO BE CONTINUED

See you next week! - mooners