Author's Note:
I'm keeping the head canon from my current WIP "Missing Moments" story — where Remus visited Harry once and Petunia gave him the ultimatum of taking Harry with him or saying goodbye — no magic, but a normal childhood. The reason for it is because I had both of these written and actually took this Remus moment and added it to my Missing Moments story merely because it fit so well as a good 'missing moment,' but it belongs here or it will in a few chapters, but the scene is mentioned below.
Also, I have seen so many amazing fan artists out there draw pictures of Sirius with tattoos. I wanted to give a story behind the tattoos that I chose to be on his body and I tried to do that here. I hope that I did them justice.
Reviews and Comments: To geekymom: Thank you! To ObsessedWithHPFanFic: Thank you! I plan to use a lot of memories in the next few chapters so I can kind of share my Marauder fic without writing a Marauder-era fic LOL.
Thank you very much for reading and please, please review!
Your reviews give me life! They give me inspiration! And they make me want to keep writing for more than just myself! Thank you!
CHAPTER FOUR:
The One Where Moony and Padfoot Make Up
He was free. But what did that mean for him?
He accepted the change of clothes from Dawlish and removed his ratty prison uniform, feeling better about himself just from the change of clothes. He thanked his lawyer (Franklin Smith) when he handed him back his wand along with his bag of apology Galleons and then he left the Ministry, not wanting to spend a minute longer there than was absolutely necessary. Not knowing where else to go, he made his way to Diagon Alley.
The clothes were the ones that he had been arrested in and the jeans were a little baggy, outlining the weight that he had lost while he had been locked away. He headed into Gringotts and exchanged some of money for Muggle currency before he headed into Slug and Jiggers Apothecary for some healing potions before he headed into Muggle London. He bought some clean clothes and some fresh toiletries before he rented himself a large hotel suite for the night, desperate to be alone and away from the magical world for a few moments.
He needed to clear his head.
He undressed in the bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. His sleek black hair, always so polished and clean was now ragged, covered in dirt and hanging halfway down his back. He had a full scruffy beard, hanging off of his chin and he scratched at it, feeling the dirt and buildup from being locked in the cell for so long without a proper washing. He realized he definitely had lice as well as he scratched himself furiously. He used the razor provided and shaved the monstrosity from his face, deciding to leave a light dusting of stubble. He cut his hair next, trimming it until it was just brushing the top of his collarbone and then he turned the shower on. The hot water beat down on his sore and bruised body and he let the tears fall as he scrubbed at years of dirt from his skin. He scrubbed his hair and his scalp until the water began to cool down. He rinsed himself clean and then he finally turned off the shower only to fill the tub full of hot steaming water and bubbles.
While the tub filled up, he wiped the steam from the mirror to look at his reflection again. He brushed his hair, parting it to the side and smiling at the familiar look. He was starting to feel like himself again despite the haunted cheekbones and the dark circles under his eyes. He used the potion that he had purchased in Diagon Alley to heal his gums and teeth after years of misuse and gulped it back, trying to fight the urge to vomit. Then he magically cleaned his teeth and crawled into the tub, sighing in pleasure as the hot clean water enveloped him.
Four years, six months, and twenty days he had spent in prison.
It had felt like a lifetime.
He was twenty-six years old, would be twenty-seven in November, and he felt like he was fifty. He leaned back in the water, relaxing in the bubbles until the water chilled and then he climbed from the tub and dried himself off. He tied the towel around his waist and turned back to the mirror.
He could almost count his ribs, he thought as he touched his sides. His arms were still muscular, but he was skinny. The pushups and sit-ups he'd done every day for hours in his cell just to pass the time, had helped keep him in great shape, but the lack of proper nutrition had affected him as well. He looked at the tattoos on his body and for the first time all day he let out a small smile.
The first tattoo that he had ever procured he'd gotten when he'd been sixteen. Peter had come with him, he remembered. They had gone to the tattoo parlour in Knockturn Alley and Sirius had asked the guy to inscribe the circular phases of the moon chart. It was how he had kept track of the days in Azkaban. The moon was charmed to change on his chest as it did outside, always telling him what day it was. A month later he had tattooed the Gryffindor house crest in bright red and gold on his right shoulder blade with the words: Where dwell the brave at heart.
The tattoos had infuriated his parents and he had loved them all the more for it and being the rebellious sort, he had then continued to cover his body in the gorgeous art that made his mother angry, and him so proud. The Marauders Crest over his left shoulder blade, detailing the friends that meant so much to him; the true family that he belonged to with their motto: I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. All four of them had gotten it tattooed before their seventh year.
His eyes fell on the portrait of the rat and rage filled him.
He still couldn't fathom how Peter could have betrayed him like that; betrayed Lily and James.
He held his wand up for a moment ready to blast the rat from the crest altogether, but he stopped. The crest represented their friendship and the good memories that the four of them had shared together all those years ago. He wasn't going to change that by blasting apart his back. He loved that tattoo and he wasn't going to change it.
He wasn't going to let Peter take something else that he loved from him.
Sirius dropped his wand and traced the runic symbols along his left forearm that stood for friendship (ᚠᚱᛛᛖᛅᛞᛋᚻᛛᛈ), family (ᚠᚨᛗᛛᛚᚥ), and Marauders (ᛗᚨᚱᚨᚢᛞᛖᚱ) that were outlined in the tiny footprint pattern from the map that they had created at school. The footprints led up to an image of the Whomping Willow tree, covering his shoulder. On the inside of his left wrist, he had the outline of a red and gold phoenix silhouette sketched in flames that came around in a half circle. The raw bruises from his chains had cut into the tattoo slightly and he winced at the pain of them. At least they would heal, he thought and he knew that it wouldn't damage the phoenix. He remembered how he had gotten it as a symbol of hope. One could always use more hope in their lives.
His right arm, a complete sleeve done in different shades of black, greys, and blues - of a wolf howling at the moon, white a stag, dog, and rat circled around him, protecting him with Hogwarts in the background. The Celtic knot closed off the scene at the bottom encircling his arm just above the wrist. Above the scene was the star chart of Sirius and of Orion encased in a circle and covering his entire right shoulder. Across his collarbone it said: Mischief Managed in loopy cursive. Across his right side, over his ribs he had his motorcycle apexed by three stars. And finally he then traced the Gothic lettering that was his godson's name, the last tattoo he had placed on himself, on his left side vertically down his ribs it said: Prongslet, HJP, July 31st, 1980. As he traced the lettering he remembered the way that Harry had called out to him from Hagrid's arms that night and he buried his face in his hands.
Harry.
He needed to see his godson. He needed to make sure that he was alright. His stomach grumbled loudly surprising him and he brushed his hair back from his face.
One step at a time, Sirius, he told himself. One step at a time.
Two hours later, Sirius had treated himself to a steak dinner and a large pint at the hotel restaurant and then he had crawled into the large bed in his hotel room and slept fitfully before sleeping on the floor, finding it more of what he had been used to over the last four years. The bed was just too soft and he almost felt like he didn't deserve the comfort of it.
When he woke in the morning, he felt surprisingly refreshed. He ordered himself a full breakfast of bacon and eggs and ate every last bite before showering and grooming himself before he checked out and Apparated to Number Twelve Grimmauld Place.
He stared up at the house in Claremont Square that he had grown up in, his hands in the pockets of the jeans he had bought the day before. He hated everything about this place. Now his father was dead and his brother had been killed by Death Eaters two years before he had gone to prison. He took a deep breath and he headed into the house, stepping through the front door and wincing as the full sized portrait of his mother began to scream at him.
"DISGRACE! A TRAITOR TO YOUR BLOOD AND TO YOUR FAMILY!"
Sirius ignored the portrait and headed straight up the stairs to his old bedroom. He was halfway through packing his things when his mother's old house elf stood in the doorway.
"What are you doing here, you traitorous boy? You broke my poor mistress' heart!"
"Getting my stuff — and we both know my mother doesn't have a heart, Kreacher."
Kreacher glared at him. "Be quick about it. The mistress doesn't want you here."
"And I really don't relish being here. I'm almost done."
Kreacher stayed where he was, watching him as he grabbed the last of his things, his eyes on the Gryffindor banner and the Muggle posters on his walls.
"When you moved back in here to be closer to your friend Pettigrew, the Mistress allowed it. It was temporary she told me, and it really was. Less than two weeks and you went to prison. She was proud — oh yes. She said that you were finally doing what a Black should be and being imprisoned for such a dark crime was to be applauded."
"For a crime that I didn't even commit," Sirius spat at him, swinging his bag onto his shoulder. "And this was the last place that I wanted to come. Fee and Monty were my real parents in every way that counted. I didn't want to come back here and I don't want to be back here now. I just came here for my clothes. Don't worry, my dear mum will never have to set eyes on me again. Where is she anyway? Hiding until I'm gone so that she doesn't have to face me?"
Kreacher sneered at him. "The Mistress never wanted you here!"
Sirius rolled his eyes at the deranged house elf and stormed past him and hurried down the stairs.
"DISGRACE! FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR! YOU ARE NO SON OF MINE!" The portrait of Walburga Black screamed as he closed the front door behind him letting out a sigh of relief.
He had been more pleased than he wanted to admit to only have to see Kreacher and to not be forced to deal with his mother for even a moment.
As he stepped out into the street and the house disappeared behind him under the warding, he let out a deep breath of relief, and started walking. He had walked for almost three blocks before he realized that he had no idea where he was even going.
His Uncle Alphard had left him his old bachelor flat in London as well as the big cottage out in Sidmouth in Devon. He had lived in the flat after graduating from Hogwarts, but he had sold it a few years later. He had been planning to move in with Moony after his father had died, but then… they had stopped trusting each other he remembered. Peter had planted those seeds of deceit. He had been without a home.
Once James and Lily had gone into hiding, Sirius had returned to Grimmauld Place, because it was close to Peter, easy for him to keep his eye on his friend - or so he had thought.
He remembered how James had tried to talk him out of it.
"Padfoot, you can't go back there! That place is poison!"
"It's just my mother now, Prongs, and that crazy old house elf. I'll be fine. It's just until I find something else. I never planned to stay in Uncle Alphard's old flat anyway. It was too small for me. It's only going to be for a few weeks, until I know that you guys are all safe. I have that cottage out in Devon, maybe I'll go there. But I need to be close by. Just until you're safe. I can put up with Walburga until then."
James only glared at him. "If you would just talk to Remus —"
"We did talk, James — I'll be fine. I'm not a child anymore and I can deal with a few weeks under my mother's roof."
But the two weeks that he had spent with his mother had been terrible. The memories of that house had haunted him and he had spent more time riding his motorbike, looking for clues, going on missions for the Order of the Phoenix, and trying to make the world safe for his best friend and his family.
Moony, he thought. His trunk and his stuff had all been moved into the Lupin cottage. They had planned on living together in the house that Remus' father had left to him when he had died. Remus hadn't wanted to be alone and Sirius had leapt at the opportunity to live with his best friend again.
But then Peter had wrecked it.
Sirius had let him wreck it, he realized.
"Do you honestly think that I'm the spy, Sirius?" Remus had demanded, his hands fisted in his hair. "After ten years of knowing me and suddenly you can't trust me?"
"I don't know, Moony! How did Voldemort find out about McKinnon and McDonald? Pete says that he only ever told you!"
Remus' mouth opened and then closed again. "Mary McDonald was my first girlfriend, Sirius. I adored her! And Marly… Merlin, how can you even think this of me?"
"I don't… I mean, I don't believe you'd hurt them, Remus. I just don't know anymore! Someone amongst us is spying on the Order."
"And how do I know it's not you?" Remus demanded.
Sirius looked outraged. "You think that I'm the spy? Are you fucking daft? I'm doing everything that I can to protect James and Lily! They asked me to be their Secret Keeper, for fuck's sake. Me! Not you, Remus!"
Remus snorted in amusement. "Of course they picked you! Can't trust a werewolf, right?"
"Oh, don't you fucking use the werewolf thing on me, Rem!" Sirius yelled. "I've known you for ten years and I know that you're not a monster! But those missions you go on to get information on Greyback and his cult; they are the real monsters and you being around them is not safe for anyone! I don't care about how different Adrian seems, he is a dangerous werewolf who wants you in his pack!"
Remus' bottom lip trembled as he spoke. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to move in here anymore."
"What?"
"You heard me. I'll figure out how to afford this place on my own. But I can't have you here if you don't trust me and I don't trust… I don't know anymore, Siri. I don't know what to believe or who to trust anymore." Remus said, falling into the chair. "I think that you need to go."
Sirius only stared at him. "Moony, I sold my flat to move in here with you."
Remus' amber eyes looked up at him. "You can't stay here, Sirius."
Sirius grabbed his wand off of the table. "I'll come back for my things."
Then he had slammed the door behind him.
Remus had left for a mission the next day, he remembered and it had been the last time that they had spoken. Sirius adjusted the bag on his back.
It was time they did.
He Disapparated to the England-Welsh border and slowly made his way through Wrexham until he came across the familiar trail that led to the Lupin family home. The smell of the trees and the mountains made him sigh in contentment. He had missed being outside and feeling the cool air on his skin.
Sirius trudged through the woods, heading towards the small cottage that he knew was hidden back there. When the cottage came into view, a small smile formed on his face at the familiar sight and he knocked at the door.
There was shuffling inside before the door opened and Remus stood there, a cup of tea in his hands.
"Sirius."
Sirius smiled at him; the relief of seeing his old friend coursing through him. "Hi, Moony, can I come in?"
Remus simply stared at him and then he nodded, moving inside to sit down at the kitchen table, his tea still in his hands. "Do you want a cup of tea?"
"That would be great."
Remus poured him a cup, adding the three sugars that he knew he liked, and finally speaking as he passed the mug towards him. "You look better than you did yesterday."
Sirius nodded, sipping the hot tea and relishing in how good it tasted; how good everything had tasted the last two days. The taste of freedom, he thought.
"Showers will do that to you. Just need to fatten up a bit now." When Remus didn't respond, he sighed. "I understand why you thought it was me that betrayed them. I get it, Moony. I'm not mad at you. The evidence was against me and it looked… it looked like I was guilty."
Remus let out a breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding. "I didn't want to believe it, Sirius, but… Peter… he had convinced me that you were the spy, using the same excuses that he told you and James and Lily about only you knowing the whereabouts of Marlene and Mary and… then when I came back from my mission, you were in prison for killing Peter — and James and Lily were dead… Harry was… I didn't know what to think!"
"I know, and I'm so sorry for ever even thinking for one second that you were the spy! We were going to tell you that we had switched Secret Keepers, but you had left for another mission with Adrian's pack and well… you didn't exactly come back in time." Sirius said quietly, his hands holding his mug of tea.
"Until I saw those memories, Padfoot, I… I've been hating you; believing that you were the reason all of my friends were dead and now… Peter's still alive and you've been set free. It's a lot to take in." Remus admitted, his gold eyes on his friend's grey ones. "I'm sorry for what I said to you the last time we spoke."
Sirius nodded. "I know. I'm sorry, too. It's why I came here, to see you, to apologize for everything. I'm sorry, Moony."
Remus nodded, his amber eyes on his old friend. "Me too. I should have trusted you."
"We should have trusted each other," Sirius said, simply.
Remus sipped his tea. "So… what are you going to do now?"
Sirius was quiet for a moment. "I feel kind of lost, you know? I need to heal myself first, I know that. I took a few potions last night… but I'm going to see Dumbledore about seeing Harry and I think I'll ask Poppy to give me a once over. I don't want to go to St Mungo's if I can avoid it. I need a proper haircut. I just… I want to be me again, you know?"
"You definitely need a haircut — though I see you cut off most of the shaggy mess you were wearing yesterday."
Sirius grinned. "I want it the way it was before, my hair that is."
"Always were a right pain in the arse about your hair. It had to be perfect."
Sirius smiled at him. "You were always jealous of my shining locks of perfection."
Remus snorted, standing up and opening a box of biscuits to put on the table, smiling when Sirius immediately grabbed one. "Once you fix your hair, you'll feel normal again, will you?"
Sirius fiddled with the silver hoop at the top of his left ear. "I don't know, but I think it will be a start. I want to look like myself and not like… not like I've spent over four years in prison. I don't want to scare Harry when I see him."
"Harry's living with Lily's sister, Petunia, and her family in Surrey," Remus told him, reaching for a biscuit. "I went to visit him right after the funeral and… she said that she'd take care of him."
"How's he doing? He has to be so big by now, five years old," Sirius said with a grin, remembering the adorable chubby cheeked baby who he had loved unconditionally. "I can't wait to see him! Does he know that I went to prison? Of course, he doesn't! I hope that he wants to see me."
Remus smiled sadly, tapping his long fingers on the side of his cup. "I don't know how he's doing, Sirius. I haven't seen him since after the funeral."
Sirius' eyes hardened. "Why the hell not? You're his Uncle Moony? He WANTS to see you!"
Remus leaned back in his chair, sighing. It made him angry as well, but he needed Sirius to understand why he had stayed away. "I went to see him, like I said. Petunia let me in and let me say goodbye to him. She told me that she had promised Dumbledore to take him in, to take care of him, but only if he was completely unaware of the magical world. She wants him to grow up normal. She told me that he was to have no contact with anyone from our world and that unless I was taking him from her, that was to be my only visit. So, I kissed him goodbye and I left him with his cousin and his aunt and uncle."
"Why didn't you take him, Moony?" Sirius asked in bewilderment. "No contact with anyone from our world? Why didn't you take him with you?"
"And what, Sirius?" Remus demanded, his eyes flashing angrily now. "I have no claim to him! I was a family friend. A werewolf! The Ministry would never have granted a monster permission to raise a child if they found out! And how could I raise him? I have no one! My parents were dead. My friends were dead! What would I do when I transformed? How would I take care of him?"
Sirius shook his head, anger vibrating through his body as he spoke through clenched teeth. "You — are — not — a — monster!"
"The Ministry of Magic would never have granted me custody if they ever found out! You know that I would have to register myself as a werewolf to gain custody of him, which would be a catch-22 in the end, wouldn't it? I have no claim to that child, Sirius. I am not his family, not by blood. Petunia Dursley is."
"Well, I do," Sirius said, standing up now. "He's my godson. James and Lily made me his legal guardian. I have the paperwork in my vault at Gringotts to prove it."
"Are you ready to be a single father, Sirius?" Remus asked him quietly, his amber eyes staring intently at his old friend. "Do you really want to take him away from the family that he has been living with for four years; where he has a cousin his own age to play with, and an aunt and an uncle who care for him?"
Sirius shrugged, tucking his hair behind his ears. "Probably not. But after I see Harry, if Petunia isn't going to let me be part of his life, I'll fight for custody of him. I don't want to scare him when he sees me again, if he even remembers me at all. But I will be part of his life. Petunia won't stop me. I just need some time to get settled in first; find a place to live for starters."
"I still have that spare room," Remus said with a smile.
Sirius grinned at his friend. "I remember. I was hoping you might also still have all of my stuff in it?"
Remus smiled. "It's all still there, from the posters of The Ramones to the two boxes full of motorcycle magazines and the box of your records. I didn't touch anything. I thought about… I couldn't bring myself to touch any of it."
Sirius reached out to touch his friend's arm. "Thank you, Moony."
Remus smiled and stood up, bringing his empty tea cup over to the sink. "Obviously you're free to stay here, but if you do decide to take Harry, you're going to need a bigger place and I don't have the room here. You know the cellar is where I — it would be too dangerous for him to be here."
"Uncle Alphard left me that cottage in Devon. Remember, in Sidmouth? I haven't been out there in years, not since Jamie and I worked there that summer. I think that I'd like to check it out and see what it's like. I think I'll move in there, I remember it was pretty decent sized," Sirius told him. "I think that I'd like to stay out of the city; enjoy being outside again. But until I get myself organized, I appreciate you giving me my old room." Sirius smiled, standing up and tugging his friend close, hugging him tightly. "I missed you, Moony."
Remus hugged him close, smiling against his friend's shoulder. "I missed you too, Padfoot." When Sirius stepped back, Remus smiled and leaned back against the counter. "Of course, you can crash here as long as necessary. And I'll do you one better, we'll head into town and go to the salon. Merlin knows it must be killing you to look in the mirror with that hair."
Sirius laughed and stretched to his feet. "Sounds great."
~ASC~
Two hours later, Sirius followed Remus back to the cottage. The hairdresser had fixed his hair, chopping the ends and layering it around his face so that the front pieces were at his chin, parted to the left side and his hair just brushed his collarbone. He had always liked his hair just a little long; long enough to tie back in a stubby tail if need be. He ran his fingers through the shiny new conditioned black locks and grinned at his friend as he leaned against the wall, lifting leaning his foot against it and posing dramatically.
"Am I sexy again?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "Let's say that your hair looks great and leave it at that." He headed into the kitchen and opened the ice box. "I haven't done much in the way of grocery shopping, but I can probably throw a stew together."
Sirius nodded, slipping his hands into his pockets. "That's okay, Moony. I'm going to bring my stuff to my old room, find my old jacket, and head to Hogwarts. I want to get some potions from Poppy and talk to Dumbledore about Harry. I'll grab something there. I'll be back later tonight."
Remus nodded and watched Sirius head into the spare bedroom and come out a few minutes later with his black leather jacket. He watched him Apparate from the yard and for the first time in almost five years, his heart felt a little lighter.
End Author's Notes:
I picture Sirius Black as Joe Manganiello and Remus as Andrew Garfield.
Here are the tattoos that Sirius has on his body:
1 - over his heart (moon chart that changes with phases of moon)
2 - over right shoulder blade on back - Gryffindor house crest: where dwell the brave at heart written around crest
3 - over left shoulder blade on back - Marauder crest - i solemnly swear that im up to no good
4 - inside left forearm written vertically - runic symbols: family ᚠᚨᛗᛛᛚᚥ; friendship ᚠᚱᛛᛖᛅᛞᛋᚻᛛᛈ; and marauder ᛗᚨᚱᚨᚢᛞᛖᚱ
5 - around runic symbols - footprints from marauders map leading up to Whomping Willow on bicep
6 - inside left wrist beneath runic symbols - phoenix engulfed in flames silhouette
7 - entire right arm a sleeve of a wolf howling at moon with stag, dog and rat with Hogwarts above it
8 - celtic knot around right wrist beneath sleeve
9 - right shoulder above sleeve - star chart of sirius and orion
10 - across centre of collarbone - mischief managed
11 - over right ribs - motorcycle with 3 stars surrounding it
12 - over left ribs written vertically - Prongslet, HJP, July 31st, 1980
13 - left shoulder prison number ᛈᛉ(390) followed by Nov 2nd, 1981-April 22nd, 1986
14 - beneath Harry's birthday, date: May 11th, 1986
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