Author's Note:

I will admit, I cried while writing and editing this chapter. Take from that what you will. I wrote most of this chapter back after I had first written the trial memories for Sirius. I just didn't know when and how I was going to use this yet. I hope you enjoy it.

Reviews and Comments: To Claire Fraser: Thank you! You will have to wait and see if Althea is gone forever or not.

Thank you very much for reading and please, please review!

Your reviews give me life! They give me inspiration! And they make me want to keep writing for more than just myself! Thank you!

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT:

The One With Godric's Hollow

After Castellanos left for Sri Lanka, Sirius felt himself getting into a bit of a rut. He spent more time on his bike, taking it apart and playing with the engine, cleaning and waxing it. And he found the small children's motorbike he had purchased before he had went to see Harry at the Dursleys. The sight of it made him smile and he fiddled with it; tweaking the engine and putting more power into it, essentially removing the children's safety portion of the motorbike. He played around with different charms and spells on it and decided that if he kept fiddling with it, he might be able to make it a proper mini-motorbike and he could give it to Harry for Christmas.

Once it met his qualifications of course.

As October hit and the town of Sidmouth began to decorate for Halloween, the melancholy swept in and Sirius found himself forcing cheerfulness when he spoke to anyone. On the third day of his mood, Remus waited until Harry had gone outside to play with Marauder before turning to his friend.

"Is it Althea or October?"

"What?" Sirius asked, staring at his friend as if he had three heads.

Remus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "What has you so down, Sirius? Is it Althea or is it because it's October?"

Sirius sighed, dragging his fingers through his long hair. "I miss her of course, we… She was a great friend and well naturally I miss the sex, but I'm okay with her being gone. It's good for her and it will be great for all of the people that she's going to help."

"Do you love her, Sirius?" Remus asked quietly, watching his friend carefully.

Sirius shook his head. "No, I don't."

"Are you sure?"

Sirius nodded, his fingers in his hair. "Yeah, I'm sure. I like her and I care about her a lot, but no, I wasn't in love with her, Rem. She's an amazing woman and so easy to talk to, but we're better off as friends."

Remus smiled. "If you're sure, I don't need you pining around or anything like a lovesick pup."

Sirius snorted. "My name isn't James Potter."

Remus chuckled, glancing out the window to watch Harry wrestle with his dog. His expression blank for a moment. "So, it is because it's October then, I thought it might be."

Sirius shrugged, moving to make himself a cup of tea. "It's been on my mind, yeah — are you telling me that it hasn't been on yours?"

Remus didn't answer at first, just stood staring out the window, twisting his hands together in a habitual way. "In one week, it will have been five years. Of course, it's been on my mind, Sirius."

Sirius nodded. "I want to do something fun for Halloween, something that James and Lily would have appreciated. I mean… should we take Harry out in costume? Would he like it, do you think? Or should we maybe just… watch a scary movie or I don't know…" he said, dragging his fingers through his hair. "We definitely need to do something."

Remus turned away from the window, his hands in the front pockets of the cardigan he was wearing. "I've actually been thinking about that quite a lot these past few weeks."

He merely raised his eyebrow in response.

Remus sighed. "I know that you haven't been since… but… I think that we should spend All Hallows Eve in Godric's Hollow."

Sirius paled, shaking his head. "You want to spend All Hallows Eve where?"

"Hear me out, Padfoot," Remus said slowly. "Harry should know where his parents are buried; where they're graves are."

Sirius swallowed. "And you want to take him on the fifth year anniversary of their fucking murders?"

Remus sighed. "I think that it would be good for him, Sirius, and I think that it would be good for you too. There's a memorial there now and…" he trailed off, his last words almost a whisper. "You can say goodbye."

Sirius glared at him. "You think I need to — fuck you, Remus!"

"What?"

"You heard me! Fuck you! I was the one who ran through that house! I was the one who found Jamie lying in the entrance hall dead with his fucking crooked glasses and his wand… " his breath hitched. "Neither he nor Lily even had their fucking wands, Moony, did you know that? I found them on the couch next to Harry's pumpkin costume and a camera! They never even stood a bloody chance when Voldemort walked into that house! They thought that they were safe! I promised them that they would be safe!"

The outburst surprised Remus and when Sirius began to sob, he hurried over and tugged his friend into his arms. Sirius attempted to push him away, but Remus held on tight, hugging his friend.

Harry stepped into the kitchen at that moment. He stared at Sirius, his mouth slightly open in surprise and then he hurried over, pushing his way between the two men and hugging Sirius fiercely.

Sirius picked Harry up into his arms, wrapping his arms around the little boy and Remus hugged both of them. They both kissed Harry's cheeks.

"Why are you sad, Uncle Padfoot?" Harry asked, hugging Sirius tight.

Sirius smiled at him, kissing his forehead and exhaling slowly before he answered. "Uncle Moony and I were just talking about your mum and dad, Harry, and I miss them so much."

Remus gently brushed his fingers through Harry's hair, taking the child from Sirius and carrying him into the living room, kissing his cheek. "Harry, Sirius and I were talking about your parents and… about maybe taking you to their graves."

"What's a grave?" Harry asked, staring at Remus.

Remus sat down on the couch, cuddling Harry onto his lap as Sirius sat down next to them. "It's a memorial that tells of someone who has passed on. It usually has their names and the date they were born and they day they died on it. When someone dies, Harry, we honour our dead by erecting a grave or a tombstone so that the living can go there and remember them. We can mourn them or sometimes talk to them."

"Talk to them? Do they answer back?" Harry asked, his eyes wide and fearful as if he wasn't quite sure how to take the fact that the dead may talk to him.

Remus smiled. "No, they don't answer back, Harry. But sometimes, just going there and knowing that they're watching over you; it's a good feeling. I go visit my mum and dad's graves every year on their birthdays and I just sit there and I talk to them. I tell them about my life and about what I'm thinking and I like to think that they can hear me. I always feel a little better when I leave."

Sirius' hands were fisting on either side of him. "I don't think we should go, Harry."

Harry looked from Sirius to Remus, unsure who to listen to.

"Harry, I think that it would be good for you to see where your mum and dad are buried. To see their grave and the lovely memorial that was made to honour the sacrifice they made for you," Remus said quietly. "I want Sirius to come too because I don't think that he really said goodbye to them and I think that it would be good for him to see it. To see how much they are loved and honoured by the world and just to tell them how much we miss them."

"I don't want to go, Moony, end of story," Sirius insisted stubbornly.

"I go every All Hallows Eve," Remus continued, ignoring Sirius. "I bring Lily's favourite flowers and I sit there in the graveyard and I just talk to my old friends. When I go this year, I would really like it if you and Sirius came with me. But if you don't want to go, Harry, I would never make you."

Harry simply stared at him, unsure about how to respond. He glanced over at Sirius, who was scowling at Remus as if he strongly disapproved of everything that he was saying. He didn't remember his parents. Harry knew that Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius had been best friends with them. He knew that they loved him from the stories his uncles told him. He knew that they had died protecting him from the bad wizard. But he couldn't talk to them if they were dead.

But Uncle Remus had said that they were watching over him. And Uncle Sirius had said it as well.

"How are my mum and dad watching over me?" Harry asked, looking at Remus now with his brow crinkled in confusion.

Remus smiled. "When people die, Harry, they go to a better place. And in that place they can watch those they love and guard them; try to help them make right choices like a guardian angel. Do you know what that is?"

Harry nodded, scratching his nose. "Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia used to take me to Holy Trinity Church and the minister always said that when those we love die they become angels and the angels live in Heaven. Are my mum and dad in Heaven with Neville's granddad?"

"Yes," Remus said with a big smile now. "They are in Heaven. When you die, you go to a better place, somewhere truly wonderful where they can see all the loved ones they have ever lost."

"Can I go to Heaven and see them?"

"No," Remus said shaking his head sadly. "You can only go to Heaven when you die, Harry."

"Oh," Harry said quietly. He moved from Remus' lap, shifting himself into Sirius' and cuddling up against his godfather's chest with his head against his heart.

Sirius wrapped his arms around him. "Did Uncle Remus scare you, Harry?"

Harry shook his head. "No."

"Then what is it?" Sirius asked him, dropping a kiss on the top of his head.

Harry didn't answer at first. He liked the idea that his parents were in a good place, a nice place like Heaven. He didn't want them to be alone and sad or scared. He remembered when the minister had spoke about angels in church and he had hoped that maybe his parents were angels. He had asked the minister about it after the mass. Uncle Vernon had gotten angry, but the minister had told him that of course his parents were angels and that they were watching over him. It had made him feel good to know that.

"I want to go with Uncle Remus," he said quietly.

Sirius exhaled sharply. "What?"

Harry tilted his head back to look at his godfather. "On All Hallows Eve, I want to go."

Sirius closed his eyes and he nodded. "All right. Of course you can go."

"Will you come too?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, Prongslet. Not this time."

Remus nodded at his friend. "All right, we'll go then, Harry. And we'll honour their memories together."

Harry smiled at that. "I'd like that."

~ ASC ~

When the day of All Hallows Eve finally arrived, Sirius could feel the grief working through him. He tried not to let it show to Harry who was fairly excited at the concept of going to see his parents grave stones. Sirius knew that Remus was right, it was a way for Harry to connect with them; to see them as people who had lived and who had loved him and maybe his friend was right, maybe it would be good for him to say goodbye.

But Sirius couldn't bring himself to go. He had no desire to step foot in the place where he felt like part of his life had ended.

So that afternoon, Remus came to collect Harry and Sirius only shook his head, watching as the two of them left him alone in the house with his thoughts and his grief.

Harry held on tight to Remus as he Apparated them to the village of Godric's Hollow. Remus held Harry's hand as they walked through the town and came across the large obelisk covered in names.

"Harry, this is the war memorial of those who died because of Voldemort and his followers," he said, reaching down to pick Harry up just as the memorial transformed into a statue of three people: A man with untidy hair and glasses, a woman with long hair and a kind, pretty face, and a baby boy sitting in his mother's arms. "The people of the town wanted this statue up here to honour your parents and to remember you."

"Because I'm The Boy Who Lived," he said quietly.

Remus kissed his cheek. "You're parents loved you very much, Harry. You were their whole world. I miss them every day, but when I look at you, I see both of them and I feel the love that they had for you. I can feel them in you and how you love me and Uncle Sirius. I know that they are so proud of you."

Harry smiled at Remus, his eyes on the statue, watching as it transformed back into an obelisk. His heart clenched slightly at Remus' words. "My mum was pretty," he said simply, his eyes on the obelisk, willing it to change back.

Remus smiled. "She was very pretty, beautiful really. And she was way out your dad's league," he said with a chuckle. "But he made her fall for him. And they were so in love." The obelisk changed again and Remus set Harry down on the ground, holding his hand out for the child. "Come on; let's go to the graveyard now."

Harry followed Remus past the statue and into the graveyard just across the way. The trees were the colour of autumn and the cool breeze whipped leaves across the grass and across the tombstones. There were so many stones and Harry found his eyes moving across the names in mild interest.

Remus led him through the stones until they came across a large white marble slab that said:

In Loving Memory

James Potter Lily Potter

b. 27 March 1960 b. 30 January 1960

d. 31 October 1981 d. 31 October 1981

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death

Harry read the words aloud, his small hands gently tracing the letters of his parents names. "What does that mean, Uncle Remus? About the last enemy?"

Remus knelt down beside Harry. "It's a quote from the Bible, Harry. From Corinthians. Professor Dumbledore had the tombstone set for them and he chose the quote. I thought it fit well. To put it simply, we all die, Harry. No one is meant to live forever, and we all hope that we'll be old men and women who have lived full lives before death takes us, but sometimes that's not the case. Sometimes our lives are snatched away from us before they really even begin like your parents. But your parents died in the most noble way imaginable, to save you. We shouldn't fear death, but we should understand it."

Harry nodded, his hand still tracing the lettering of his parents' names. "Oh."

Remus sat back, still on his knees, reaching his arms around Harry and gently resting his chin on the boy's shoulder. "I brought your son to see you, Prongs, Lily." Harry jolted at this, but leaned back into Remus as he spoke. "He's a born marauder, pranking Sirius and I. You would be so proud, Jamie, bursting really. Sirius is doing a wonderful job raising him. He's being the amazing father you always would have been. He made me his teacher, if you can believe it. Harry is smart and he loves to read just like you did, Lily. Don't worry, I promise to share with him all of the stories that you loved. I'm doing my best by him, as is Padfoot. We love him so much."

Harry smiled, turning to whisper to Remus. "Can they hear me?"

Remus nodded, smiling. "I like to think so. Do you want to say something?"

Harry nodded, his eyes on the tombstone. "Hi, Mum, hi, Dad. Uncle Moony says that you can hear me. I don't really remember you, but Uncle Padfoot and Uncle Moony always tell me about you. Uncle Padfoot is really sad and he doesn't want to come here and say goodbye. Can you make him feel better? Thank you."

He kissed his fingers and gently placed them on the marble.

Tears welled up in Remus' eyes and he blinked them back, kissing his own fingers and placing them next to Harry's on the marble. He kissed Harry's cheek and using his wand he lay apple blossoms and yellow tulips which he knew were Lily's favourite flowers, on the top of the marble stone.

"We love you," Remus said, standing up and lifting Harry into his arms.

When they turned around, Sirius was standing there, hands in his pockets. Remus' eyes widened, but he didn't speak.

Sirius shuffled over to them, his eyes red from crying and he glanced at the marble. "Lily always loved apple blossoms."

"I know," Remus said with a smile. "They were her favourite and she always said that a sunny yellow tulip would make anyone smile."

Sirius nodded, his eyes on Harry. "You all right, Prongslet?"

Harry nodded.

Remus squeezed his friend's shoulder. He knew how hard it was for his friend to have drummed up the courage to come here. "We'll give you a moment. Harry and I will be by the war memorial. Take all the time you need."

Sirius nodded as he watched his friend and godson leave him alone. He stood over the marble stone, staring at his friends names for the longest time, tears in his eyes. When he finally spoke, his words came out harsh and angry.

"You should still be here, both of you. It should be you raising Harry, not me. What the fuck do I know about raising kids? I'm completely winging it here."

"And doing a marvellous job if I say so myself," a woman said from behind him.

Sirius' eyes widened as he spun around. The ghostly apparition in front of him made him blink in horror and shock. "L-Lily?"

The apparition smiled and she reached out, a cool hand sliding through his shoulder. "My son tells me that you're sad, Sirius."

The messy haired young man who appeared next to her made Sirius let out a small sob.

"J-J-Jamie," he whispered.

James smiled crookedly, his arm snaking around his wife's waist. "Hey, Padfoot."

The tears rolled down Sirius' cheeks as he fell to his knees. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry! I never should have trusted Peter. I never should have… it's my fault you're dead! It's my fault that Harry had to live with those fucking Muggles and they… God, you must both hate me. I took everything away from you!"

James reached forward and Sirius felt a gentle touch on his shoulder. "Brother, I love you. You are not to blame. Lily and I were careless; we let ourselves believe that we were safe and when Voldemort came, we didn't have protection. You are not to blame. We put our trust in the wrong man, but that man was never you."

Lily's hand linked with James'. "We love you, Sirius. And we love Harry so much and you're doing such a wonderful job with him. You're an amazing father."

"Fath — Jamie, no! I would never think to replace you like that!" Sirius spluttered.

James grinned at him. "You're an amazing father, Sirius. I know that you're not replacing me. I'm proud to have you raise my son. Your son. He belongs to you and Moony now."

"Tell Harry we love him. Tell him as many stories as he wishes to know about us. The Pensieve idea is wonderful, Sirius," Lily said with a smile.

"Thank you, Padfoot," James said and then they were gone.

Tears rolled down Sirius' cheeks as he knelt in front of the marble sobbing. He wasn't sure if his friends had really appeared to him or if he had just imagined it, so desperate to see his friends again, but it had felt so real. They were watching over him and over Harry and he knew it so strongly in his heart that it made him smile. And for the first time in five years, he felt the grief really lift from his heart.

He would never stop loving them.

He would never stop missing them.

But he would stop mourning them.

And he would stop blaming himself for what had happened to them.

When he finally stood up, darkness had fallen. He dried his tears on his sleeve and conjured a small brass stag and doe, which he then tucked into the flowers. He dropped a kiss to his fingers and touched the cool stone.

"Goodbye," he whispered and he swore he felt a warm breeze embrace him like that of a friend.

When he found Remus and Harry, he snuggled the child into his chest, kissing his cheeks and his forehead until he laughed.

"I love you, Harry."

Harry smiled up at him. "I love you, too."

"Let's go home."