Author's Note:

As mentioned before in chapter two; there has been no reference to Sirius Black's wand as far as I know, so I made up my own. Accept it. I voted on unicorn tail hair because unicorn hair produces the most consistent magic, least subject to fluctuations and blockages, most difficult to turn to the Dark Arts and the most faithful of all wands. And I just loved the description for dogwood: "Dogwood wands are quirky and mischievous; they have playful natures and insist upon partners who can provide them with scope for excitement and fun. It would be quite wrong, however, to deduce from this that dogwood wands are not capable of serious magic when called upon to do so; they have been known to perform outstanding spells under difficult conditions, and when paired with a suitably clever and ingenious witch or wizard, can produce dazzling enchantments. Dogwood wands refuse to perform non-verbal spells and they are often rather noisy."

It just sounded so much like Sirius Black to me.

Also, I'm doing my best to drop a chapter or two every week. I've been on a bit of writing binge and am already halfway through Harry's second year (about fifteen chapters ahead) but I'm trying to be strong and not super post all at once even though I really want too LOL. I love you guys and thank you for sticking with this "drabble" that has turned into a rather never-ending saga with me.

I'm really enjoying writing it.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the scene with Mr Ollivander — that belongs to JKR — though I did tweak it to fit my story. Thank you.

Reviews and Comments: To Millie072: Sorry, I do not think putting Harry and Ginny together is a mistake. I love them together and this story will be 100% Hinny. Thank you for saying the part about Luna losing her mother was very touching. To E-Dett: Thank you for saying that this story is well written! To geekymom: Thank you! To coloredwords: Sirius is definitely the first person to ship Remus and Tonks lol. Yes, Harry is eleven! Thank you! To Steelcode: Yes, Harry got Hedwig! Yes, Luna is back after losing her mum. Thank you. To The Go1den Snitch: Thank you! I won't be changing any of the houses, but yes things will be changing, just not right away. To Guest: Thank you! The new chapter will be coming soon! To alix33: Thanks for saying Harry's birthday sounds so fun, I agree! Andromeda definitely always gives Harry a great cake! To Claire Fraser: Remus infuriates us all. Thank you so much and yes, the snarky old man comments to Sirius were definitely fun for Harry. I love sassy Harry!

Thank you very much for reading and please, please review!

Your reviews give me life! They give me inspiration! And they make me want to keep writing for more than just myself! Thank you!

CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE:

The One Where Harry Understands the Fear of Voldemort

Ten minutes later they were standing in Flourish and Blotts in Diagon Alley as Sirius held the list of books in his hands. They moved across the second level of the store looking for the textbooks assigned.

"You already have your own copy of A History of Magic, but a new edition came out last year so, maybe we should grab another one?" Sirius suggested, taking the large and heavy text down from the shelf.

Harry smiled at him as he watched his godfather place the book in the basket. "Sure. I already have Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them too. Hagrid gave it to me for my birthday last year and he gave me the illustrated version as well. He said that Mr Scamander illustrated it himself."

"Yeah, he's a pretty great bloke from what I hear. Hagrid is friendly with him through Professor Dumbledore," Sirius said as he picked up The Standard Book of Spells Grade One and A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration. "There's the Waffling book on the bottom shelf, Harry, grab it."

Harry put the textbook on magical theory into the basket his godfather was holding and smiled as he found the Potions textbook next. "I think Potions would be fun. If I get really good at it, I can even make the potion for Uncle Remus every month."

Sirius smiled warmly at him. He was so kind hearted just like his mother, he thought. "Potions was your mum's best subject. Not to mention that your grandad was a Potions whiz. But that potion is more than tricky, Harry, and you won't be skilled enough to brew it until after you finish school, if not for a few more years later. But it's kind of you to want to."

Harry nodded. He knew that Sirius was probably right, but he hoped that one day he could help his father in some way. He reached for the book on the dark forces. "This is the last one."

Sirius nodded, eyeing the cover. "We used a different book when I was in school. I wonder who the defence professor is this year. You know, we always believed that job was cursed."

"Cursed?" Harry asked, his eyes widening. "Why?"

Sirius shrugged, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. "Can't keep the position filled. The Defence professor retired some forty years back or so and every year since someone else has been hired. No one lasts more than one year; it's quite unusual. I have no idea why, but the position just can't be filled properly."

Harry wrinkled his nose at this news. "Does this mean that I'm going to have a different professor every year?"

"Most likely," Sirius said with a grin. "Don't worry, I'm sure Dumbledore will make sure that you have a competent teacher, Harry, or at least he'll try."

"What book did you use, Uncle Sirius?" he asked, looking at the cover of his Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook.

Sirius scratched his nose as he thought back. "Don't remember exactly. It's probably still kicking around on one of the shelves, I'll check when we get home." He shifted the books in the basket and grinned. "Any other books catch your fancy, Prongslet, before we head out to Slug and Jiggers Apothecary?"

Harry shrugged. "Anything else you think I should have?"

Sirius glanced around the shelves for a moment, moving around to grab a few books. "There are a few books you should keep copies of in case you need them, like this one Hogwarts, A History. You never know when you need to know something about the school and Remus insisted that it's an absolute must have," he said with a grin as he rolled his eyes. "But I think we both can agree that Uncle Moony is a bit book mad, yeah?"

Harry chuckled at that. "I guess that's true."

"Nah, he is," Sirius said making Harry grin. "It's part of his charm. All right, let's go purchase these and get out of here."

Harry smiled as he followed Sirius to the cashier to buy his new school books. When they got to the apothecary shop ten minutes later, the elderly shopkeeper beamed at him.

"Hogwarts, dear?"

Harry nodded, grinning sheepishly at her. "First year."

The woman smiled and hurried around the desk to rummage. "We have the basic potions package to start off with. It contains all of the ingredients you'll need to start off the school year."

Sirius tapped his fingers on the desk. "We'll take the gold package, Mrs Jiggers. I want my son to be fully prepared," he said, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry smiled back at him, eyeing the ingredients in interest as Mrs Jiggers loaded up his ingredients. Sirius nodded at a medium sized wooden medicine box nearby and asked the shopkeeper to fill it up with the newly bought ingredients including his set of brass scales and new set of glass phials.

When they left, Harry was grinning. "Do you really think I'll use all of this?"

Sirius smiled. "Definitely. This way if you make a mistake, you'll have extra ingredients. Plus Professor Snape will always have more supplies in the classroom for you."

The idea of Snape being a professor to Harry was definitely very unappealing to Sirius. He was trying not to think about it if he was completely honest with himself.

Harry followed him into Potage's Cauldron Shop next where they found his cauldron and then they headed into Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment for his new telescope. Next they stepped into Madam Malkin's Robes For All Occasions for his school uniform.

A small blond boy was standing on the stool, making a fuss and wincing, as the woman attempted to fit him for his new robes.

"Ouch! You poked me!" he insisted, glaring at her.

Madam Malkin placed her hands on her hips. "If you'd stand still, you wouldn't get poked," she told him, sternly. "Now stay here while I grab some trousers for you to try on."

The boy rolled his eyes, his gaze landing on Harry and Sirius. Sirius recognized him instantly, the same grey eyes as his own looking back at him; the eyes ran in the Black family after all, but Draco's had blue mixed in with his grey.

"Draco, how are you?"

Draco looked at Sirius in curiosity. "Do I know you?"

"Sirius Black, we met a few years ago. This is my son, Harry."

Harry smiled at him. He hadn't recognized the boy at first, but once his godfather had said the name, he remembered him. "Hi, Draco. I went to your house once."

Draco nodded. "Oh, right, I remember," he said, smirking now. "You're The Boy Who Lived."

Harry flushed a little at that statement. "Er, yes."

"Where's your mother and father?" Sirius asked, looking around the store for his cousin and her husband.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Mother is getting my supplies while Father checks out my wand. They've abandoned me here to get poked and prodded."

Sirius chuckled. "I can see that."

"Hope you're in Slytherin with me, Harry," Draco said with a sly grin, brushing his rather shaggy blond hair out of his eyes. It was a bit curly and waved around his face.

"I'm going to be in Gryffindor," Harry told him, his green eyes on Draco.

Draco grimaced. "How completely embarrassing." He turned his gaze back to Madam Malkin. "Are you finished yet? Some people actually have lives, you know."

"Yes, you're done," Madam Malkin said, ushering him off the stool in annoyance.

Draco hopped down as she took the robes off of him. "I really hope you aren't a Gryffindor, Potter."

Harry simply stared at him. "Maybe you won't be a Slytherin."

Draco smirked. "Then my parents would disown me like your friend there," he said, his eyes moving to Sirius. "I have no desire to be the laughing stock of my entire family, thank you. See you around."

Harry watched him strut out of the store and he turned his gaze to Sirius. "I remember him being a lot nicer."

Sirius smiled, ruffling Harry's already messy hair. "Different worlds, Prongslet. Up onto the stool now so you can get fitted. Stay still."

Madam Malkin carefully began to fit him as he looked at Sirius. "What if I am in Slytherin, Uncle Sirius?"

Sirius smiled sympathetically. "Then you're in Slytherin. No matter which house you go into, I'm going to be proud of you, Harry."

He smiled, feeling a little nervous about the prospect of being sorted into his Hogwarts house. "I think… I think I want to be in Gryffindor though, like you… and Mum and Dad and Uncle Remus."

Sirius smiled back. "Then you will be. Now stay still."

Twenty minutes later, Harry and Sirius left the shop with bags full of five white dress shirts, seven white tee shirts (undershirts were a must at Hogwarts according to Sirius), twenty-four new pairs of black socks, ten new pairs of boxer-briefs, a pointed black hat, two pairs of dragon hide gloves (you always lose them, Sirius insisted), a thick black winter cloak with silver fastenings, two Hogwarts jumpers, two Hogwarts cardigans, three Hogwarts sweater vests, and five pairs of black suspenders. They were to return next week to pick up the five pairs of black trousers and five sets of plain work robes that Sirius had ordered for Harry (because honestly three just wasn't enough).

"Do you want to grab some lunch before we go and get your wand, Harry? Or do you want to grab it now?" Sirius asked when he heard his godson's stomach rumble rather loudly, making him chuckle.

Harry bit his lip. He was hungry, but the magic wand was the one object he was most excited for. "Wand first, please."

Sirius smiled as they headed into Ollivander's, the bell ringing loudly as the door clanged shut behind them. Sirius placed their many purchases on the floor at their feet, surprised to find the shop empty.

A moment later, Mr Ollivander stuck his head out from behind the shelves.

His eyes immediately sought the lightning bolt scar on Harry's forehead. "Ah yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon, Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday that she was in here herself, buying her first wand. Ten and quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wand for Charm work."

Mr Ollivander moved closer to Harry. Harry wished that he would blink, he found those silver eyes to be a bit creepy.

"Your father, on the other hand, favoured a mahogany wand. Eleven inches. Pliable. A little more power and excellent for Transfiguration. Well, I say your father favoured it — it's really the wand that chooses the wizard, of course."

Mr Ollivander had come so close that he and Harry were almost nose to nose. Harry could see himself reflected in those misty eyes.

"And that's where…" Mr Ollivander touched the lightning scar on Harry's forehead with his finger, surprising him. "I'm sorry to say that I sold the wand that did it," he said softly. "Thirteen and a half inches. Yew. Powerful wand, very powerful, and in the wrong hands… well, if I'd known what that wand was going out into the world to do…"

He shook his head as Sirius placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, squeezing lightly. "I think we understand, Mr Ollivander. However, Harry would like his own wand today."

Mr Ollivander grinned widely. "Sirius Black! Dogwood, unicorn hair, twelve and three quarter inches?"

Sirius smiled. "You have an amazing memory, Sir."

He smiled. "I remember them all," he said tapping his forehead. "When you were arrested and sent to prison I remember thinking that the man who owned that wand wasn't capable of the dark magic that he was being accused of. Dogwood wands aren't meant to be used for such powers and nor do they respond well to them. But alas, you were proven innocent, as I suspected."

Sirius nodded. "Er, thanks. Today we're here about Harry, Sir."

Mr Ollivander nodded, clasping his hands together with a grin. "Well, now — Mr Potter. Let me see…" He pulled a long tape measure with silver markings out of his pocket. "Which is your wand arm?"

"Er — well, I'm right-handed," Harry said, not entirely sure how to answer that as he looked back at Sirius for guidance.

Sirius only grinned at him and gestured him forward.

"Hold out your arm. That's it." He measured Harry from shoulder to finger, then wrist to elbow, shoulder to floor, knee to armpit, and round his head. As he measured, he explained, "Every Ollivander wand has a core of a powerful magical substance, Mr Potter. We use unicorn hairs, phoenix tail feathers, and the heartstrings of dragons. No two Ollivander wands are the same, just as no two unicorns, dragons or phoenixes are quite the same. And of course, you will never get such good results with another wizard's wand."

Harry suddenly realized that the tape measure, which was measuring between his nostrils, was doing this on its own. Mr Ollivander was flitting around the shelves, taking down boxes.

"That will do," he said, and the tape measure crumpled into a heap on the floor. "Right then, Mr Potter. Try this one. Beechwood and dragon heartstring. Nine inches. Nice and flexible. Just take it and give it a wave."

Harry took the wand and waved it around a bit, but Mr Ollivander snatched it out of his hand almost at once.

"Maple and phoenix feather. Seven inches. Quite whippy. Try —"

Harry tried, but he had hardly raised the wand when it too, was snatched back by Mr Ollivander.

"No, no – here, ebony and unicorn hair, eight and a half inches, springy. Go on, go on, try it out."

Harry tried.

And tried.

And tried.

He had no idea what Mr Ollivander was waiting for. He glanced at Sirius helplessly, but Sirius only grinned at him. The pile of tried wands was mounting higher and higher on the spindly chair, but the more wands Mr Ollivander pulled from the shelves, the happier he seemed to become.

"Tricky customer, eh? Not to worry, we'll find the perfect match here somewhere — I wonder, now — yes, why not — unusual combination — holly and phoenix feather, eleven inches, nice and supple."

Harry took the wand. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wand above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.

Sirius whooped, wrapping his arms around Harry and Mr Ollivander cried, "Oh, bravo! Yes, indeed, oh, very good. Well, well, well… how curious... how very curious…" He put Harry's wand back into its box and wrapped it in brown paper, still muttering, "Curious... curious…"

"Sorry, but what's curious?" Harry asked.

Mr Ollivander fixed Harry with his pale stare. "I remember every wand I've ever sold, Mr Potter. Every single wand. It so happens that the phoenix whose tail feather is in your wand, gave another feather — just one other. It is very curious indeed that you should be destined for this wand when its brother; why, its brother gave you that scar."

Harry swallowed.

"Yes, thirteen and a half inches. Yew. Curious indeed how these things happen. The wand chooses the wizard, remember... I think we must expect great things from you, Mr Potter… After all, He Who Must Not Be Named did great things — terrible, yes, but great."

Harry shivered as Sirius squeezed his shoulder in reassurance. They paid for his wand and hurried out of the shop. They used the Floo in The Leaky Cauldron to head back to Black Cottage and Sirius carefully put down all of their purchases before he grabbed Harry's arm, turning the boy towards him.

"Prongslet."

Harry shook his head, unshed tears in his eyes. "Don't."

He wasn't entirely sure what he was saying 'don't' for, but he knew that Sirius was going to try to reassure him in some way. But how could he reassure him? What did that even mean that his wand had a phoenix feather from the very same phoenix as the one that gave its feather to Voldemort's wand? Did that mean his wand was evil like Voldemort was? And Mr Ollivander had said that he had done great things — the wizard had killed his parents!

Sirius ignored Harry's protest and pulled him into his arms, holding him tightly. "It's okay, Prongslet. Mr Ollivander was just making a point about the power of the wand. He wasn't saying that what Voldemort did was justified or right in any way. He knows how evil he was. Mr Ollivander is a good man and the best wand maker around."

Harry's bottom lip trembled and he bit down to stop it. "I'm not sure I liked him."

Sirius chuckled and kissed the top of Harry's head. "That's all right, too." He pulled back a little, his grey eyes meeting Harry's green ones and he carefully adjusted his crooked glasses.

Harry wrapped his arms around Sirius again and hugged him tight, unshed tears at the back of his throat.

Sirius hugged him back, gently stroking his back. "It's okay, Harry."

Harry wasn't sure why he was suddenly so sad, but he was. Mr Ollivander had known each wand that his parents owned, that Sirius owned; that Voldemort had owned — and it had all been daunting, scary even. And he felt a wash of shame rush over him for being afraid for no reason. It was the way he had spoken, he realized. Mr Ollivander had said He Who Not Be Named. He tilted his head back to look at Sirius.

"Uncle Sirius?"

"Yes, Prongslet?"

"Why did… why did Mr Ollivander say that it belonged to He Who Must Not Be Named instead of Voldemort?"

Sirius sighed, moving to sit on the couch and plopping Harry down next to him. "Harry, I haven't really explained to you the fear that Lord Voldemort instilled in the magical world. Even though he's been gone for over a decade now, people are still so scared that they won't even speak his name. That's something that you have to remember, okay? Everyone calls him He Who Must Not Be Named or You Know Who because it makes them feel safer."

"But it's just a name?"

Sirius smiled, his arm around Harry. "You're right and don't ever forget that. Dumbledore once claimed that fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself. Voldemort is just the name of a terrible wizard and, I for one, refuse to let his name scare me."

Harry stared boldly at him. "I won't either."

Sirius grinned at him, pride in his eyes before he leaned down and kissed Harry's cheeks making him laugh. "Now, why don't you show me that snazzy new wand we bought?"

Harry grinned up at him, feeling a little better. "Okay."

But later on that night when Harry was lying in his bed, he couldn't help but think of Mr Ollivander's words. Sirius had kept him pretty isolated from the wizarding world at large and he hadn't really had to deal too much with being The Boy Who Lived, the son of the deceased James and Lily Potter, and the one who had defeated the darkest wizard of all time when he was only a baby. But being in the wand shop and listening to Mr Ollivander talk about the terrible but great things that Voldemort had done made him wonder once again about the dark wizard.

It seemed like no matter how often Sirius told him that Voldemort was gone; that it had happened many years ago, that it still came up again. That someone would look at his lightning bolt scar and they would wonder: What made Harry Potter so special? Would they expect great things from him?

His father was great at Potions and a genius at Transfiguration with the ability to turn into a stag at the age of fifteen. His mother was a genius at Charms and a genius at Potions. He himself had somehow defeated Voldemort at fifteen months old, the darkest wizard ever.

What if when he got to Hogwarts he turned out to be a complete failure?

What if he couldn't even do real magic?

What if Professor Dumbledore had to tell him that it was a mistake and that he didn't belong there?

He knew that he was psyching himself out, but the questions haunted him and he slept fitfully, lost in bad dreams. After he woke up for the second time, his eyes moving to the clock and seeing that it was almost three in the morning, he crawled out of bed and headed into Sirius' room. He climbed into the bed, making himself comfortable like he had when he had been younger, something that he hadn't done in almost two years and he closed his eyes.

He didn't want to be alone.

But most of all, he didn't want to disappoint the men whom he considered his fathers.

And that's what scared him the most.