Three Months Later
Zero eyed the lump of fur currently taking up residence in his lap. Its position didn't look comfortable. A nap had taken hold mid-play and it laid twisted, with its nose smushed into Zero's thigh.
Zero breathed shallowly, not wanting to disturb its sleep with any unnecessary movement. Its feet twitched, evidence of a dream, and he wondered briefly what story was playing out between its floppy, gray ears.
Did it know of a place beyond these walls; of grass and trees or a home with good food and caring hands? Or was this it?
It was unclear how the bunny came to be in his cell, nor why it was allowed to stay. Twice said companionship; Master said 'training', though that seemed unlikely.
No matter what truth the masters offered, Zero was grateful.
Since he'd found the bunny, life seemed easier somehow.
It didn't matter what happened outside the cell.
It didn't matter what the masters did, what he endured, what he felt, or what he'd lost because he knew someone was waiting for him when he got back.
Someone small who needed him. Someone warm.
This tiny someone was his…
Zero slid a gloved index finger up the bridge of the bunny's soot-spotted nose and up between its ears as it continued to twitch.
It had taken a while to remember how to be gentle. The sound the bunny had made when he'd first caught it, the way it had thrashed in his too-tight grip, they made him feel guilty, but he used the faded memories to remind him.
He hummed when the creature sneezed and shook its tiny head, finally coming back from its snooze. It nibbled its lips then stretched, propping its paws against his hand. "Good dream," he asked, voice rough from disuse.
The bunny shook itself again and toppled dramatically off his leg. Without thinking, Zero hurried to catch it, not wanting it to land on the ground but the moment his hand wrapped around its body, it screeched, shrill with pain.
"Sorry!" Zero said it again and again as he panicked, his hands taking a moment to remember how to release their grip. Once the bunny was free it didn't hop away.
It was still, gray eyes wide and watching him as it caught its breath. He set it down, making sure the clumsy thing had all four feet under it before letting go completely.
"Hands..." he explained lamely, clenching and unclenching his fists in demonstration. The bunny blinked up at him then slowly moved closer. Hesitantly, Zero lowered his hand to the floor.
It leapt into his open palm then nibbled at his gloved thumb. He could see it favoring a forepaw. In spite of its obvious pain, it seemed its only concern was consoling him.
So quick to forgive. It was a trait that left him aching, as was the case with most familiar things.
Zero petted between its eyes again, then down its back, letting its ears pop back up once his hand moved past. "Little Deku…" he chastised though there was no bite to his words.
There was a prickling sensation at the base of his skull, pleasant like gentle fingers toying with the baby hairs at his neck. It sent a shiver through him. The ghost of a scarred hand settled over his own and directed it to keep petting.
It was precise in its pressure and the creature stilled, eyes closed. Zero allowed his hand to be manipulated and watched as the bunny turned over, exposing its belly like a puppy.
The phantom over his shoulder giggled, a sound that sent Zero's world spinning with that word once again at his lips. "Deku…" he breathed, only now aware of the sting that accompanied it.
There was a resonant hum of approval, the sound so soft and warm it lit across his skin like a sunbeam.
Zero repeated the name, receiving another giggle in return.
"Yes, Kacchan?"
That voice.
He knew that voice.
It shot through him with such virulence his heart jolted, breaking free of invisible chains and he could breathe. Again and again he said the name, wielding it like a talisman, a tether to something beyond these walls.
Their hands stilled and the bunny peered curiously over Zero's shoulder. Zero didn't move.
He couldn't.
"You remembered me," the phantom whispered, though its words were bittersweet, a lament, but it didn't matter.
Zero hummed, leaning into the apparition behind him. "Didn't forget, Deku. Just lost."
Warm, scarred arms draped over his shoulders and a weight settled against his back, the echo of an embrace. It was visceral, an impossible shock of color, of green, in an abysmal sea of gray.
"I find, though."
The arms around him grew tighter and the smell of spring overtook that of gasoline and the stagnance of the cell.
"Yeah, you found me." The ghost's voice was thick with tears and as much as that fit, it hurt.
Zero reached up, expecting to make contact, to swipe along freckled skin through a fresh trail of warm tears-
But there was nothing.
His hand passed through and green, crackling energy swirled around his hand.
Zero drew back and stared down at his empty hand confused then tried again. And again, there was nothing. The weight on his back turned hollow and something within him slipped.
"Not here. Deku's not here?" It was as much an accusation as it was a question.
"It's ok, Kacchan. I'm here, I'm just different."
"Different," Zero parrotted, struggling to keep the palm where the bunny watched them still. It seemed to recognize this and leapt to the floor. Zero watched it go.
"Kacchan, could you…could you look at me?"
Zero didn't move until a hand rested against his cheek, directing his attention to the side. The figure his eyes fell upon both made sense, and didn't, in the worst way.
Deku's face was flickering and translucent, the eyes hollow and colorless and wrong.
"Not Deku," Zero growled, hands growing frantic and clawing at where Deku's should have been. He could see them, could map the constellations of freckles by heart to plot his way through the scars. He could feel their warmth, their weight, every sense pointed to their tangibility and yet…
He couldn't reach them. Just like everything else. He was alone and the weight, that voice, these feelings- all of it was a lie. It was fake, manufactured, contrived…
"Kacchan?"
This time, when that word hit him, it hurt. It ached like a phantom limb, the ghost of something meaningful and he wanted it gone. He wanted to forget.
Zero's fingers tore at his skin and something welled in his mouth, stinging like acid on his tongue. He couldn't swallow, the muscles of his throat refused to engage, his brain denying the reflex entirely.
Zero panted, open-mouthed, allowing the stuff to ooze past his lips. It burned and filled his nose with the suffocating scent of gasoline.
"Kacchan?! What's wrong? Stay with m-"
"NO Deku! No more Deku! Not real...Not real!" Zero howled, rage worming its way under his skin. It ate at him though he couldn't find its source, nor could he stop it as it swelled.
Perhaps he didn't want to.
"Please. Don't do this! Kacchan is strong, remember? Kacchan found me. Don't leave-"
Every word the phantom blathered fogged his mind with a miasma of confusion, each touch of the liar's hands felt like poison tearing away at the foundations his masters had built for him.
"NO! Not Kacchan!" The noumu snarled, tearing away from the phantom, its body like that of static, a broken mess of tarnished and painful memories trying to become whole. "Zero," he growled and patted his chest.
Like a feral beast, Zero charged, his body slamming through the ghosts, though it rematerialized exactly where it had been. Its face was distorted not with static, but with anguish.
"You are Kacchan! Bakugou Katsuki! You're a hero!"
Zero wailed, clutching at the sides of his head. He staggered back, colliding with the cell wall and slid to the floor. Words were beyond his grasp, fragments of "No more," and "Can't," and "Deku," occasionally broke in through the unintelligible shrieking.
He couldn't hear past the roaring in his ears and the tearing of his skin; his gloves rendered useless as his claws burst through the caps. They sunk deep into his flesh, though he couldn't feel the pain.
Faces he knew and yet didn't flashed through his mind. Their features were faded, so close to forgotten but for a moment there was recognition. They spoke to him, calling him by names he didn't know.
'Katsuki!'
'Bakugou!'
'Brat!'
'Problem Child.'
'Young Bakugou.'
'Kacchan!'
"You're a hero, Kacchan! A hero! Don't you dare forget!"
Katsuki couldn't feel the phantom's hands anymore. It stepped closer, form flickering like ripples over still water. "You're my hero. Be strong. Don't stop fighting."
"De-ku?" Katsuki whined, reaching forward but its smile stopped his heart and his hands in their place. "Deku. Don't-"
But it was too late. Deku's body began to fade, sinking to the floor like smoke where it disappeared completely.
Agony drove him as effectively as any pilot when the door to his cell flung open and the Defiler of Life itself stepped through, flanked by his hellish minions.
"Zero? What on Earth is-"
The roar that ripped through the cell had the squat doctor stumbling back. He clutched his lab coat to his chest, eyes wide with terror.
"Zero. That's- That's quite enough-"
"He…ro!" Katsuki crowed, leering through a curtain of blood and shredded scalp, lips twisted in a nightmarish grin. He crouched, licking the blood from his lips.
He tipped his head, zeroing in on his prey then lunged. The muscles in his new legs bulged. The yellowish noumu to the doctor's right caught the blond before he made contact with his target. It grunted with the effort as Katsuki thrashed.
He broke free, climbing the noumu's torso like a tree, then pried its mouth open. It tried to bite, to gnash its blunt teeth into his clawed fingers but it was pointless.
This body was a masterpiece, a foreign sports car in the hands of an adrenaline junkie, and as his mind flickered to life, he knew he was unstoppable.
Katsuki twisted and pulled till there was an audible pop and crack. The noumu's jaw hung open, dislocated and drool dripped down its chin to its chest in thick, glistening ropes. It coated his pants where his knee pressed into its sternum but Katsuki couldn't be bothered to care.
From experience he knew a noumu's brain was impervious from the outside, but from within, it was deliciously vulnerable. He drew his free hand back and watched both realization and fear seep into the noumu's blank eyes.
Katsuki's smile grew, splitting the corners of his mouth. "Die," he growled. It rumbled deep in his chest and the others felt the sound in their bones.
"Marcus," Garaki screeched as his newest creation speared his clawed fingers forward and up through the roof of the noumu's disgusting mouth. The hard palate gave way easily, crumbling like shale as he sunk wrist deep into the noumu's brain.
The doctor's pitiful screaming barely registered as the noumu dropped in a twitching heap, its gray matter clutched in Katsuki's fist. He yanked it free just as the other noumu tackled him.
In the same instant, the doctor turned and ran, leaving the doorway wide open.
"NO!" Katsuki bellowed, watching his prey disappear around the corner. He howled, his arms twisted at impossible angles by the gray noumu's punishing grip. It drove him to the floor. He gave a precise tug, rolling his shoulder in such a way that the joint popped free of the socket. It dangled limply, the sudden slack enough to catch the noumu off guard.
He yanked away, body tumbling into a crouch, his arm momentarily useless at his side. The noumu followed, just as he expected. Katsuki met it head on, colliding hard enough to reset his shoulder then his teeth sunk deep into the noumu's neck.
Like a rabid dog, Katsuki shook it violently until blood gushed thick and hot across his tongue. It was vile but he didn't let go. Instead, his thick claws sunk deep into its eye sockets and plucked one free. It screeched, scrabbling at its face and throat, then it coughed and blood sprayed from its mouth.
Katsuki ripped the chunk of flesh from its neck, feeling the severed arteries snap him against the cheek. He spat the mouthful of gore aside, simultaneously intrigued and revolted as he blinked down at the gaping hole left behind. Blood pulsed free in crimson spurts and painted the concrete floor.
His mind was a haze of rage and bloodlust. He wanted to tear them to shreds, to make sure regeneration was impossible. However these noumu were not his target.
No.
It was Garaki. The man who'd stolen everything from him, tore him apart, and turned his mind against him. The man that had made him a monster.
Wrath, both pure and unhinged, boiled to the surface and before he realized it, he was moving.
He was made for this.
To hunt.
To subdue.
To KILL.
Katsuki's body coiled then lunged, landing on all fours to run, tail lashing dangerously behind him.
It was easy to trail the doctor's scent once he was free of cloying iron that had hung thick in his cell. Disinfectant and lemongrass pricked harshly at his nose and memory. For a moment, it threatened to yank him back to operation tables and agony, but excitement set his apathy to burn and he flew, whipping through the halls with predatory focus.
In moments the motorized chair with his target pressing furiously at the controls came into view.
It didn't matter how pitiful the doctor looked with snot running thick from his nose into his mustache.
It didn't matter that this man was old and frail.
This man needed to bleed. To writhe. To Scream and suffer, then Die.
He was already begging, pleading for help, demanding that 'Zero' stop, to listen to his masters.
But no.
Katsuki had no master.
Katsuki was his own, and revenge was so close he could almost taste it.
Around one last corner they turned into a hall of pipes that ran floor to ceiling. The floor tilted, angling steeply down into a space that emitted a soft purple glow.
The man looked back in time to witness Katsuki's leap. It was beautiful and calculated, raw with power and lethal intent. A single crimson eye regarded him and the doctor couldn't help the twinge of fondness as he beheld his creation.
Katsuki was mere inches from contact, claws poised to strike when a mass of flesh collided with him with bone-breaking force. The creature was small with glass protecting its exposed brain. This thing was even allowed shoes.
They landed and slid to a stop mere feet from where he needed to be. The noumu kicked at him with its tiny shoes, its prehensile tail wrapping around his arm. Katsuki glared down at the futile attempt this creature was making.
Amidst Garaki's screams of "Johnny! No, Johnny!" Katsuki shook his arm, sending the noumu in question flying. Before it got too far, Katsuki grabbed it by its long rat-like tail, yanked it back, swung once, then sent it careening into the concrete floor. It landed with a disgusting, wet splat, its skin splitting on impact to let its innards ooze free.
Katsuki hadn't been expecting that, but it didn't bother him. He just hoped his stitching was the stronger of the two. Deliberately, he wrapped the tail around his wrist and lifted the remains from the floor, but most of it stayed where he'd smashed it.
The intent had been to toss it at his prey but as he turned, the pitiful doctor was gone.
Again.
He could hear the scuffling of shoes, the panting, out of breath sobs, and turned with a snarl twisting his lips. "Come out, Coward!" His guttural bellow bounced off the tanks of liquid that surrounded him, rung off the glass and up into a gaping chasm above.
A deep, mechanical whir groaned to life, perhaps a generator, and lights began to flicker on inside the tanks. He only vaguely registered the twisted humanoid figures that floated within, his senses intent on locating his prey.
It was difficult to hear past the droning frequencies the tanks emitted. At odd intervals they would hiss, releasing steam or pressure, while inside the creatures would jerk. Amidst the various distractions however, the lingering aroma of lemon wafted past his nose and he grinned.
"Doctor~" Katsuki purred, a disgusting mockery of a siren's song. "Hide. And. Seek." Heavy footfalls punctuated each hard-won word as he delved deeper into the labyrinth of faintly glowing tanks.
Trails of white escaped his lips with each panting breath, lingering like ghosts as the cold played along his skin. The temperature of the room was dropping fiercely, though there wasn't room for that inside his head. He was hunting. He needed to focus. To find. To win.
Katsuki lifted his nose, snuffling at the air as the scent thinned. Then something pungent replaced it.
Ammonia.
The doctor had pissed himself.
Katsuki's chest swelled with pride as he turned, pinpointing the new scent.
He stalked forward, claws clicking, a growl rumbling low in his throat. "Weak~" he crooned. His tail flicked behind him, the barbs adorning its length scraped and screeched against the glass of the tanks, thick gouges left in his wake.
The scent of urine was strong, and building. The doctor was very close, he was sure of it. He scanned the tanks, considering each in turn. He climbed the nearest, his claws piercing the glass, setting alarms to screaming. It hurt his ears, and the flashing yellows and reds of warning lights hurt his eyes but the doctor was right there.
Just a leap away, Garaki cowered against a control panel, mouthing desperately at words. With every failed attempt at speech, Katsuki's feral grin grew.
" A." Katsuki's voice was low, gravelly, and rang with triumph.
"Now- n-now! Zero! Remember your training!? Remember all I've done for you!? If you hurt me, they'll kill you!"
Katsuki sneered and dropped from the tank, his movements utterly silent. "Already. Dead."
He closed the distance between them hollowly amused when Garaki began desperately scrambling back, pressing himself further into the control panel as if it would help. As if it would gain him another pitiful second of life.
The doctor whimpered through a manic smile.
Katsuki's clawed hand shook as it wrapped around the doctor's neck and squeezed. This was happening. He'd dreamt of this moment, of tearing this man's head from his neck and leaving his corpse to rot. However, the moment he touched the doctor's clammy skin, Katsuki's chest heaved in a ragged gasp.
The doors of his mind, once locked by Garaki's hands, burst open and memories like razor blades sliced through the amnesiac haze. They hit hard enough to stagger and he groaned under their weight.
They poured in with savage intensity, fighting to repair the damage done to his mind and perhaps it would have been successful, had his mind been capable of healing. Rather, it tore itself apart with gleeful abandon of his sanity. Amidst it all however, settled a brutal and fleeting clarity.
Before Garaki knew what was happening his feet were off the floor, body dangling helplessly in the air.
"Take," Katsuki howled, slamming Garaki's body into the closest tank. The light within flickered.
Garaki spluttered and shook. He begged hoarsely, nails digging at Katsuki's arm and wrist, trying to pry it away. His efforts went unnoticed.
"You take!" Katsuki's voice cracked, his grief rolling off him in waves as he keened for all he had lost.
"TAKE EVERYTHING!" Again Garaki's body collided with the tank. Tiny cracks spread from the impact and blood dripped thickly down the glass. Katsuki's eyes were stinging in a way he didn't know they still could, lips quivering as he seethed.
Katsuki leaned in, features twisted with the agony of acceptance.
It was too late for him. Even now, the memories were beginning to slip and the numb detachment was seeping back in. But in this fading moment, he was a hero. This man had stolen everything from him, had made him a monster and disposed of his dreams as easily as breathing. But he could be the last.
With this man's death, he could spare others from sharing his fate. The glass creaked as he crushed the man further till his breath gurgled in his lungs. "Now I take."
Garaki's body exploded through the glass in a shower of oozing purple and prismatic shards. Alarms wailed. The creature within thrashed wildly tangling them both in the wires that kept it suspended. Katsuki ripped the doctor free, ignoring his screaming.
"Plus. Ultra." Katsuki growled then tore the man's head from his neck.
Only for the corpse to melt into a puddle of mud at his feet.
Katsuki howled in rage then his body went rigid, every muscle straining against some unfathomable power that ripped through him. His eyes rolled back. Milky, hollow and frozen wide in agony.
His world narrowed to a pinprick of light. It sucked the oxygen from his lungs and for a moment, that was all that existed: the inability to breathe. Then, like the tension released from a taut rubber band, the world slammed outward.
Katsuki's ruined eye blazed, first white hot then bolts of kaleidoscopic energy burst from within with such force he could hear the room groan in protest. He could feel the concrete beneath his feet crumble to dust as fissures tore through the ground. The tanks shattered in every direction, sending their contents flying away from him in waves that crashed violently against the walls.
Heat seared his cheek as the energy flowed from his eye, down his neck then criss crossed his torso in a shimmering, orange "X". It was molten, creeping through his veins till it pooled in his palms.
It was familiar, in a twisted sort of way, though that connection was tenuous and fled the moment his fingers began to shatter under the pressure. Blinding, and uncontrollable.
In the next breath, the energy that had built in his palms detonated. It was devastating, the entire building shook around him. Every tank was destroyed…
Katsuki tried to keep his legs under him, to withstand the power that just seemed to build and build, instead, he collapsed, writhing. His screams echoed grotesquely off the walls.
Then, as if it had never existed, the power vanished and took his tenuous sanity with it.
He laid there, trembling. The figures hung, tangled in their wires gurgling and twitching as emergency lights strobed. Zero knew then how badly he'd fucked up.
He couldn't think beyond the ice creeping through his core.
He would pay dearly for this. They'd leave him in the dark to drown…
Freezing. He was so unbearably cold.
He didn't want to go. He didn't want to drop. He could be good. He could fix this.
Yelling echoed up the corridor and hurried footsteps drew closer. There were many of them, and for a second they stopped, taking in the sheer destruction that had befallen Garaki's lab.
Shigaraki's shriek had Zero's mind pulling back from his body as it prepared for the strike.
"Drop him! Drop him now! FUCK!"
"NO!" Zero screeched in terror, trying to catch his breath and move away, dragging his body through glass and purple muck. He didn't see who grabbed him, his thoughts swallowed by the blackness settling over his eyes.
Then he was falling.
?
Something was missing.
He wasn't sure how he knew, but he did.
Sometimes, if he was quiet and still, it would come to him, like a memory; fuzzy at first then vibrant and crackling with life. The something would speak to him, tell him things that were important and kind, it would stay with him and keep the shadows at bay.
But, as with most things, the something would fade, replaced by the deep, darkling silence of failure and fear where his masters typically left him.
After all, they had crafted this silence for him, and him alone.
It was a gift; a tool they used to teach his stubborn brain its place when it forgot what he was. It was the silence found in drowning. A deafening, terrifying silence that swallowed memory and reason and will-
And left only dread and pain with its passing.
It was timeless, an eternity encapsulated in every moment.
Drifting.
Forgetting.
And finally when the waters of his mind went still, he was allowed to resurface.
The transition of returning to his body from the drop was a numb affair. Sensations were muted, colors were dull, and inside him, there was nothing, just a hole where something had been and that's where he was now.
His body ached from overuse, his joints telling him he'd gone too far, but doing what? He couldn't remember, and the small flair of frustration that it brought was easy to ignore. The pins and needles sensation that spread through his limbs was not.
Zero twitched and groaned, taking stock of his body as much as he dared. He tried to move his hands though they were shackled behind his back. His legs were similarly tethered. It was rare he woke up like this from a drop.
Rarer still was it that he woke up covered in blood. It was dry and caked in every crease. His hair was stiff with it and he could even taste it lingering in the forgotten corners of his mouth. He grimaced at the rancid taste of it and knew it had been there for a while.
Something shifted on his back, its small warm feet pressing into his skin as it moved. It was hesitant as it drew closer to his face but a moment later the bunny peeked into view. He groaned an apology, unsure of how long it had been left alone, though his voice was a muffled mess.
He rubbed his face against the floor and discovered the muzzle pressed tight over his mouth and nose. A part of him wanted to panic, the larger part of him knew it would do no good. It made more sense for him to wait to be released than to tire himself out on a useless pursuit.
The bunny hopped to the floor then nuzzled itself into his neck. Its fur looked dingy, like it hadn't been bathing, certain parts tinged pink where it had laid in the blood on his skin. He wanted to pet it, to comfort it, but his hands were quite literally tied.
In spite of their meager state, he was happy to be back. He was content, happy with this little life that was his.
But something was missing. Something that prodded insistently at his mind but refused to come into focus.
Zero laid there pondering and the bunny never left his side even as his sense of time slipped and left him dissociating.
Food never came. Their water was never filled. And patiently he waited. Thirst hit him first, then worry as the bunny grew very still.
He had nothing to give it and being forced to watch it languish was worse than feeling the pain of his own need. He worked the creature into the crook of his neck then slowly, carefully shimmied into a sitting position against the wall. If nothing else, this position provided warmth but he whined when it barely acknowledged the shift.
How long had it been? He could feel the sharp points of its bones through its skin. Why had it been allowed to starve?
Zero began tapping the cuffs around his wrists against the wall, trying to draw attention to the problem at hand. Once again he slipped, losing himself in the rhythm of it. He tapped till the skin of his wrists was rubbed raw with the repetitive motion.
When finally the door to the cell opened, Zero didn't move, he simply whined long and low. He didn't look up when the figure approached nor when its hand ran gently through his matted hair. Instead, he curled tighter around the bunny, protecting it from view.
"Shhh, it's alright, Zero. We're just here to help."
Zero relaxed a bit, eyes darting up to meet Twice's, then away again. He wasn't sure what he meant by 'help' but he whined again, a soft plea that wasn't for himself.
"Let me see." Twice knelt down and reached forward though waited for Zero's permission before moving closer.
Zero nodded, the movement small enough it was almost missed. Twice closed the distance and gently scooped the rabbit into his arms. It twitched, flailing for a moment trying to right itself then went still. Its gray eyes were heavily lidded as it peered at Twice.
"Thirsty," Zero tried to explain, but his words couldn't make it past his lips, let alone the muzzle. He tried to scrape it off, rubbing it against the wall harshly. Twice used his free hand to still him, sliding two fingers under the buckles of the muzzle and masterfully releasing it. It slid free to dangle beside his other ear.
"Thank. You." The words were habitual, sliding out without much forethought.
"Don't mention it, Kid." Twice pulled a bottle of water from the bag he'd brought with him and offered it to Zero. He didn't acknowledge it. He stared at the bunny in Twice's arms, gaze unfaltering in its intensity. It was clear that, unless ordered, he intended for his bunny to be cared for first. "Stubborn as ever. Don't worry, I've got 'er"
'Her'
She was a girl…
It didn't really matter but somehow it felt important.
Twice took another bottle of water and poured some into the cap. It wasn't ideal, but the dishes they both drank and ate from were filthy. He lifted the cap to the bunny's face and waited. Zero held his breath, watching intently for any interest. He audibly sighed when her nose wiggled, whiskers twitching at the edges of the cap.
Finally she was getting what she needed. As if she was the most interesting thing in the world, he watched Twice care for her, feeding her a small mix of hay and pellets. His stomach gurgled loudly at the smell of the rabbit food.
"Will you let me take care of you now?"
Zero looked wary as Twice lowered the bunny to the floor to finish eating. Something in his chest felt warm when she grabbed a small mouthful of hay and brought it to his side, pressing her body against his leg while she ate. She seemed content, so he nodded, giving in to the chasm that was his stomach.
Twice pulled a ring of keys from his pocket and undid the padlocks securing the cuffs to Zero's wrists and ankles. They drug over his hands and his eye twitched with pain.
"Does it hurt?"
Zero pulled his hands closer to himself, hiding them, and shook his head. He knew what happened when he confessed to pain. It was a weakness that he'd need more practice to overcome.
"It's alright, let's get those gloves off so you can eat, alright?
He was still wearing the gloves with ripped caps, though he struggled to remember how that happened. It took a moment of prodding before Zero relinquished his hands to Twice. Ever so slowly Twice took one of his hands and gently began working the glove from his fingers. They were swollen, that much was evident through the gloves as they fit too tight.
The moment the glove was free, Twice hissed at the discolored mess beneath. "What on Earth did you do, kid?"
Zero didn't respond, just looked at the twisted sausages that were once his fingers. It was no wonder that they hurt. They visibly throbbed. He was sure in some places he could see bone. Twice removed the second glove and found more of the same.
"They left these too long. Can't do a damn thing! Unless you re-break them." Twice talked more to himself than to Zero which was fine. Zero was more concerned with the bunny munching its hay beside him. To Zero, pain was subjective. It came in many forms, but when you boiled it down, it all pointed to being alive.
Life was pain. And he wasn't allowed to die. So…it was inevitable.
Twice shook his head and let go of Zero's hand. It was a process feeding Zero as his hands were out of commission, not that he typically used them while eating, but still. Twice preferred to hand-feed him rather than have him eat off the floor.
Regardless, Zero devoured the food offered to him, ignoring the way the juice from his orange dripped from his chin. It was delicious and for once he could taste the sweetness. Twice used his quirk to make another.
"It's almost Spring," he rambled, never content to sit in absolute silence. Zero didn't mind. He enjoyed it when someone took the time to talk to him. "Do you remember Spring?"
He wasn't supposed to remember things from before. He was something new. The past was just a distraction, and yet, in times like this when a word was accompanied by a smell, he marveled in it. He could smell Spring.
What it was? That was a little fuzzy.
But what it felt like was clear as day. Baby grass sprouting through wet soil. Window gardens in full bloom. Walks to class in the rain. Each had a smell that lingered somewhere in his olfactory memory. He dared a small smile and nodded, chewing that last kidney-shaped piece of orange.
They lingered in the cell for a while longer, watching the bunny slowly regain its energy. Zero was relieved, thankful that Twice had come in time to save her.
Twice stood, knees popping with the motion. Zero expected him to leave, to turn and close the cell door behind him as he went. Instead, Twice looked back at him expectantly. "You comin'?" he asked, nodding in the direction of the door.
Zero's mind stalled, unsure if that was a command that needed to be followed or a question that needed to be answered. It seemed like both and neither. "Coming?"
"Yeah, we're gonna go getcha cleaned up."
"Clean…" Zero couldn't remember what that felt like. He knew it was good, that it was something he once wanted. It seemed strange that he would get it now, given how he woke up after the drop.
"Took a bit of convincing, but the others finally agreed. You're starting to smell rotten…"
Zero gave a small growl, some residual part of him loathing what had been said, but Twice just smiled, shoving him playfully in the shoulder. "Can we get going? Or are you gonna make me drag you?"
With a huff, Zero patted the bunny's head then stood. He eyed the door. Typically he was dropped before passing through it. Something about all of this seemed off…it prickled in his mind but as quickly as the suspicion came, it flitted away.
He was with Twice. He could trust Twice. Everything would be fine.
As he stepped through the doorway, Twice put a hand on his arm, centering his focus. "Stay right with me, no wandering off. Got it?"
Zero nodded then Twice slid his hand down Zero's arm and held him gently by the wrist. He let the man lead him, his legs rather wobbly and his claws click-tapping on the floor as they went. He didn't look around, kept his eyes glued to Twice's hand.
It was warm. There was an odd rumble in his throat, and at the sound, Twice stopped walking, eyes wide. "Are you…purring?"
Zero wasn't sure WHAT he was doing, so he shrugged.
It was strange being taller than Twice, and somehow it felt wrong. He felt like a child towering over their parent, but Twice didn't seem to mind.
Most of the walk was spent lost in his head, content with the connection and the strange peace that it brought.
When they turned to enter a sterile white room however, Zero tensed. He didn't pull away or resist, but that didn't stop his mind from jumping to conclusions. White rooms that smelled so clean they stung your nose meant pain. All that was felt in places like this was agony and confusion and loss.
Twice tightened his grip fractionally. "Easy, Kid, easy…Look around. I know whatchur thinkin, but that's not here. You're safe."
Zero steadied himself, engaging the part of his brain that wanted proof. His eyes roamed the room, noting the furnishings of a bathroom. He took a deep breath and stepped inside.
A shower was fitted into the far corner of the room. The glass doors were heavily water stained and the buildup along the floor and walls was slightly orange in places. A small part of him thought that was gross, but he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen a shower…let alone when he was actually physically clean.
Twice released Zero's wrist and patted his arm before heading for the shower. Immediately Zero mourned the loss of connection. Without it, he was set to drift, like a blind man in a maze he felt the need for something, anything to anchor him to this moment.
Zero turned trying to distract himself with the rest of the room. Above the sink was a dingy window, through which a creature he didn't recognize stared. He stepped closer, and the creature mirrored him, tipping its head. Something was familiar about it and he reached out at the exact moment the other did, each planting a large hand on the glass, palm to palm. The pressure on his mutilated hand stung but the creature beyond the window was far more compelling than pain.
It looked tormented in spite of its wrought iron crown. One of its eyes was vacant, milky white with Lichtenberg scars spreading down its cheek from its lower lid. The other was piercing, wild and as crimson as his own.
Then, to his bewilderment, Twice appeared through the window, placing a hand on the creature's shoulder. Zero flinched violently when he felt the touch.
Suddenly he couldn't breathe as the reality of this 'window' settled in.
This was a mirror, and the creature before him…
It was like meeting himself for the first time…
THIS was Zero, the noumu.
Something within him wept, beating its fists against the confines of his heart.
THIS is what he had become.
Then again, what had he been before?
The mirror shattered beneath his palm, fracturing his reflection into a thousand tiny shards. His monstrous visage stared through each.
Zero roared, drawing his fist back…
"HEY! No no no, look at me. I'm sorry. I should have covered it."
Strong hands were holding his face, directing his attention away from the mirror. "It's alright. I know. I'm sorry. We didn't want you to see."
Zero didn't respond, the doors to that brief swell of emotion slamming shut, leaving him floaty and numb.
Twice took notice of the blankness in his eyes and sighed. "Come on, water's hot." He took Zero by the wrist once more and led him to the shower. It was large enough to fit both of them with plenty of room to spare.
With clinical detachment, Twice removed Zero's pants, shimmying them down his thighs before they dropped, pooling around his ankles. "In you go," Twice directed and Zero stepped robotically into the wall of steam and under the steady stream.
Water cascaded down his back as Twice joined him, fully clothed.
Zero's mind wandered freely, his body relaxing under Twice's gentle ministrations. The water by his feet was pink, flecked with solid chunks of blood and whatever else was caked to his skin. Twice was meticulous, scrubbing till the skin was nearly raw and all the while Zero purred low in his throat. For a while, it was the only sound Zero made, the echo harmonizing off the walls. Then it stopped quite abruptly as Twice neared his groin with the sponge.
Zero looked away, not sure why he cared or winced as he was touched and cleaned. It didn't hurt, and even if it had, those places held little meaning. Still, he hated it, cringing inwardly at the sensation. He could hear Twice rambling again but couldn't listen, his mind too full of every place the sponge traveled. For once he felt exposed and ashamed, especially when Twice moved behind him.
He couldn't stay still any longer. Zero stepped out of the spray with a snarl, fighting the need to hide. Twice raised his hands, showing he meant no harm.
"I know…I know. I'm sorry. I don't want to either." His voice was soft though it carried over the sound of the water. "We are almost done. Just a little longer, ok? I won't hurt you." Silence stretched between them as Zero watched the water bead and run off Twice's jumpsuit, never soaking in. A tiny sigh escaped Twice's lips when Zero stepped back under the water.
"Just, think of something else. Tell me something. Ask me something. Anything."
Zero didn't know what to say, words were strange and unruly. He screwed his eyes closed as Twice got back to work.
"I forget." Zero's words broke free as if spoken against his will.
"You forget? What do you mean? What does it feel like?"
Zero was stymied by the slew of questions and for a while was silent, relaxing now that Twice was scrubbing his legs.
"Big," he settled on, "big and sad."
It felt like a piece of him was shattered, just like the mirror. Fragments of his mind left somewhere in the abyss.
Twice pondered the response, scrubbing clean the pads of Zero's beast-like feet. "Big…and sad?" He repeated to himself then stopped. "Is it Deku?"
The pain the word brought was answer enough. It came with a weight his emotions couldn't reflect. He said the word to himself hesitantly, tasting its edges. It was both bitter and sweet. How could he have forgotten a word that made him feel like this?
The Drop. The Abyss. That heartless, never-ending Darkness.
Each time he entered, it stole from him, broke pieces off his mind and hid them away behind doors he couldn't access. Each time he went too deep it got a little harder to come back, let alone in one piece.
Zero couldn't fathom how long he'd been dropped for something like this to fade…
"De…ku?" He asked. Fleeting bits of green flickered through his mind but that's all he could place with the word. "What's…Deku?"
Something in the man's face cracked. A bit of resolve slipping, a shred of hope dying, but he sniffed and rinsed Zero's back.
"I kill?" It wasn't an unfair assumption but Twice recoiled sharply as if struck.
"No no, no! You saved him. Zero saved him. Like a hero."
Zero's eyes dulled at that.
The rest of the bath went by in silence. Twice's lips were pulled tight against his teeth like it took actual effort to keep his mouth closed.
Zero stood still and obedient as he was dried and dressed and followed Twice back to his cell.
He was excited to enter, the bunny no doubt waiting for him.
He entered and Twice did not accompany him.
Zero froze when the door closed behind him. His master with white hair and cherry red eyes sat in the center of the white room petting a hand over the bunny. He held it still by the ears. He didn't look up from the creature when he spoke.
"You really care about this rodent, don't you?"
Instinct told him to lie, to hide his feelings but, with the masters, he never could. He nodded once.
Shigaraki laughed, the sound cruel and biting. "Let me get this straight. You think you're capable of something like that?" Finally, his master looked up, eyes piercing through him. Zero took a step back. "You do know what you are, don't you? Of course you do. Why don't you tell me, Zero. What are you?"
Zero swallowed thickly, trying to ignore how the word tasted in his mouth.
"Noumu."
"That's right. And what makes you think you're any different than the others of your disgusting kind?"
Zero knew he was meant to answer but he couldn't dislodge his tongue from the roof of his mouth. Instead he shrugged.
"Words! Give me your words. Might as well use them while you still can."
"Can be. Good. Sometimes." His speech was halting and stunted, a tragic display with no hint of his former intellect.
Shigaraki sneered, "You? Good? You're not even human. You're a beast, no, worse than that. You're a thoughtless, emotionless weapon. Here, let me demonstrate."
Zero put his hands behind his back. A silent denial.
"Come here, Zero."
Without thinking, Zero walked forward and sat where he was indicated.
The bunny struggled in his master's grip. He didn't like the fear in its eyes nor the sounds it was making as it tried to get away.
Shigaraki picked it up by its ears and it screamed, the sound haunting in the small cell. Carelessly, he tossed it toward Zero. Somehow it managed to land on its feet and ran the rest of the way toward him then cowered under his knee.
"Kill it."
Kill? But it didn't do anything.
The bunny sniffed at his fingers, its featherlight whiskers tickling his fingertips.
He dragged a clumsy finger up the sootspotted bridge of its nose, between its eyes then down the length of one ear. He rubbed the tip between his fingers hoping to comfort it even slightly. It was shaking, blinking up at him with wide eyes that didn't leave the threat in the room.
"Zero, I said kill it."
"Why?" The cold was seeping in again as he wrapped a large hand around the tiny creature. It wiggled and grunted in his grasp, perhaps trying to get free. He wanted to hold it close, to keep it safe from his master's command, but now Zero was the threat and his body was eager to obey.
"I gave you an order. Are you being defiant?"
"No."
"So. KILL." His master's grin was malicious, calculated, and bloodthirsty. He knew the turmoil building just under Zero's skin.
Zero didn't want to. So much so that his hand shook as he squeezed, slowly at first until the animal began to thrash.
"Kacchan…" the voice in his mind mourned, softly. He could feel the weight again, just barely against his back. He wanted to look, to see the phantom for who he was and what that meant, but he couldn't tear his eyes off the creature biting at his knuckles in pain.
It squealed, gray eyes bulging. Its mouth was open. The sound it was making- Zero wondered if he'd remember it when this was all over. Would it haunt him as that smile did? That laugh?
Zero could see its teeth, still white with youth.
"Kacchan don't watch. It's ok. It will be over soon. Just close your eyes."
But he couldn't. Somehow the sounds it was still making weren't worse than the cold threatening to swallow him whole again.
Zero took its tiny head in his other hand and twisted. For a moment the thrashing increased, then, with a crunch, the body went still.
Its eyes, still wide with terror, stared fixed at nothing. That empty look reminded him of something but the praise that ran hot through his veins blocked the memory.
He'd done good…but he couldn't see how. He'd done what was asked. The tiny heart in his hand was no longer fluttering against his palm.
He stared at the creature and felt like this was wrong. It shouldn't be this still. He liked it better when it was alive.
He felt numb, sure he should be ignoring the excitement thrumming through him.
His master stood and closed the distance between them, casting Zero in his shadow. Zero couldn't pull his attention away until his master took his face in one hand and tilted it back. Their eyes locked.
"You are a violent monster. You are a mindless killing machine. You do not feel or think or love. You are nothing. What are you?"
With much difficulty, Zero repeated his master's words, all the while the man sneered down at him. He grabbed Zero's hand, the one not still holding the rabbit's corpse, and pulled it up, shoving it in Zero's face. "These weren't made for kindness. Were they, Zero?"
Zero shook his head.
"What are they for?"
"Take…" Zero asked, unsure, but the master looked displeased. "Kill…" He amended, relaxing slightly in Shigaraki's hold.
"Don't forget it, mutt."
He wouldn't. How could he?
He held the body even after his master had left, the rabbit growing stiff, conforming to the ridges in his palm. The imprint stayed, even as he set it down.
He did this…
He'd taken this living thing and reduced it to nothing.
He should have felt something. He knew that, but this tiny loss couldn't reach him.
Its fur was still soft even as the body beneath grew cold. He petted through it, seeking comfort the creature could no longer provide.
He'd taken its life and this was all that was left of it.
He'd killed and he'd do it again.
In fact, he did, and each time, it got easier.
Sometimes it even felt good.
~February~
Katsuki was off the bed before his eyes were open. The sheet, drenched with sweat, clung to his body like greedy hands, trying to keep him pinned. He ripped it off. He couldn't breathe, couldn't keep the quirk out of his palms…
Itwasntreal…itwasntreal…itwasntreal…
He couldn't be sure anymore.
Katsuki tore into the bathroom, clutching the sink with frantic hands. He swallowed desperately around the bile trying to make its way up his throat. His valiant attempt went unnoticed by his body as the meager contents of his stomach were violently expelled.
Sweat poured off him. His airways burned.
The nightmare flashed behind his eyes when at last he glanced at the mirror, taking in his reflection…he could see its vacant glare. The scars. Its brain…
He could feel the prison of its mind closing in. He could feel its grief and pain as his own…
"FUCK!" Katsuki screamed, grabbing the mirror with both hands. "THAT ISN'T ME! JUST STOP IT!"
He tried to pry the accursed thing off the wall. He could hear it creaking, the glass straining, but it didn't budge. His quirk made short work of it. It shrieked as it shattered with the force of the explosion. Bits of glass pelted his skin and clattered into the sink and floor, effectively spreading the nightmare he wished to kill.
Smoke and the scent of burnt sugar hung heavy in the air but all he could think about was the ever-present hint of gasoline.
Katsuki clutched his face, mouth open in a silent sob.
"It's not me. It's not me. It's NOT ME!"
Shadows contorted in the fragments of glass littering the floor as if in answer. He couldn't do this, every moment he spent staring at his shattered reflection was driving a knife into his gut. Glass broke under his bare feet as Katsuki stumbled from the bathroom, slamming the door behind him as if to keep the monster contained.
There wasn't a lock, and if there was, it wouldn't have helped. The monster wasn't in there.
"Just leave me ALONE!" Katsuki snarled, watching the shadows in the bedroom stretch and coil. He raised a shaking hand toward the switch that would banish them, ignoring the way his pulse pounded through his skull.
Light flooded the room and the shadows receded…but the nightmare didn't end.
"What the fuck…" Katsuki breathed, holding out his arms to the light. "No…" His legs buckled and he fell heavily to his knees. "Nonono! WHAT THE FUCK!?"
Mud, not blood, oozed from the cuts along his skin.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME?!"