Author's Note:

Wow! A hundred chapters — I am impressed with myself LOL! To commemorate my 100th chapter, I will be uploading all 100 chapters onto Ao3 to share as well. I will be writing under the same name and maybe it will attract some new readers. Welcome to the world of ASC!

Been plotting this a for a while and have dropped a few hints in the last ten chapters-ish so, I hope you find it interesting. Also, been waiting and waiting to add this little scene and memory in. I also added this little memory from something I saw on tumblr so credit goes to whoever thought of it. Thank you.

Reviews and Comments: To WarMunger98: It might not have been a coincidence. Lockhart is not a good person. To Guest: Thank you! I wanted Sirius and Remus to talk to Harry about what he saw and about what he witnessed, to make sure he knows he can talk to them. It was important. To alix33: Thank you! To geekymom: Thank you! To Lost: Thank you! I love that you love my moments with Harry and his dads. Thanks for still reading! To Claire Fraser: Thank you for saying my Sirius and Zee moment was so hot. I love my little Harry and his dads moments as well. To Steelcode: Thank you! To KittenWithAnAx: Lockhart is definitely suspicious with that Ravenclaw! Thanks for noticing. To E-Dett: You think Lockhart was hurting the Ravenclaw like Umbridge did with the Blood Quill? Interesting. Or was it something worse? You will find out soon. To Guest: Is Lockhart violating the students? All will be explained soon!

Thank you very much for reading and please, please review!

Your reviews give me life! They give me inspiration! And they make me want to keep writing for more than just myself! Thank you!

CHAPTER ONE HUNDRED:

The One With Eyes As Green As A Fresh Pickled Toad

By the time Valentine's Day arrived, Harry stepped into the Great Hall to be greeted with a room full of pink and red decorations, with confetti flying through the air.

To be honest, it looked like someone had vomited red and pink everywhere.

He made a disgusted face as he sat down at the table. "What the bloody hell happened in here?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "Who do you think?"

Not two minutes later, Lockhart stood up in bright pink robes and a big smile on his face.

"Happy Valentine's Day my lovely students! I wanted to brighten the school today with thoughts of love and happiness. To those students who have sent me Valentine's Day cards already, I am grateful for them, and much love back to you all. Muah!" he said as he kissed his hand and blew the kiss out across the hall.

Harry scowled.

Ron grimaced as he looked at Hermione. "Please tell me that you weren't one of those students."

He and Ron exchanged smirks when Hermione suddenly became very interested in the book that she was reading.

He listened with half an ear as Lockhart went on about how to celebrate the day in all of their classes and suggested that they ask Professor Snape to show them how to brew Amorentia — Harry figured that was a death sentence straight off and was pretty sure that no one was stupid enough to ask that one from the Potions Master.

When Lockhart claimed that he had a little surprise for them, he could only groan with the rest of the student body as he learned that little card-carrying cupids would be sending Valentines out to students anonymously all day.

And the dwarfs who were dressed in golden wings looked extremely unhappy about it.

It sounded the like the worst thing that he could possibly imagine.

His mortification over the idea really came to head when one of the cupids caught him just after lunch before Potions class. He tried to make a run for it, but the dwarf tripped him and sat on his legs to serenade him.

"His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad. His hair is as dark as a blackboard. I wish he was mine, he's truly divine, the hero who conquered the Dark Lord."

Harry flushed red as Draco, Blaise, and Theo all began to laugh and Draco asked him rather mockingly if his girlfriend was around to sing it to him in person.

Harry had never wanted to sink into the floor more in his entire life, but he laughed it off and smirked at Draco. "At least someone other than Pansy sent one to me."

Draco flushed at that.

Pansy Parkinson had sent him a singing Valentine herself, but hers had been much less subtle. Something along the lines of: Draco, my love, one day we will be man and wife and every day I will love you, all of my life. Love, Pansy. Draco definitely hadn't found it to be entertaining, but had flushed beet red.

Draco turned to the crowd of first years, who had watched as Harry had attempted to out run his Valentine, and he sneered at them, "Potter didn't much like your love letter, Weaselette."

Ginny had paled and turned to run, but Luna had put her arm around her, whispering something and Ginny only nodded. Harry's eyes were on her in curiosity. Had she actually sent that to him? Why would she think that he would want a singing Valentine? And when had Ginny started having feelings for him that weren't of friendship? He hadn't meant to offend her. He opened his mouth to say something and then promptly closed it.

He had no idea what to say to her.

Snape came out then, his cloak billowing around him as he barked orders for students to get into his classroom, taking points off for being late (not for the Slytherins of course) and Harry pulled out his potions ingredients in annoyance. Snape on top of that Valentine was just not making his day any better.

By the time that he had made it to the Great Hall for lunch, he was feeling rather annoyed and bitter about the entire Valentine's Day experience. He was pleased to see that the Great Hall decorations had been taken down and his mood improved a bit at the sight of it. He took a bite into his thick carved turkey sandwich and glanced up at the Head Table, eyes widening when he saw Remus slip out of the back room behind the Head table and clasp McGonagall on the shoulder. She squeezed his hand in reassurance and nodded at him. He made eye contact with Harry and winked and Harry grinned back.

"Finally!"

Neville reached around Harry for some strawberries as Hermione looked up from her book at his declaration. "What's Remus doing here, Harry?"

"Making our lives infinitely better," Harry said with a smirk. "At least I hope so."

"What do you mean, Harry?" Hermione asked, turning to look over at where he and Neville were watching Remus speak with McGonagall.

"Just watch."

"Professor Lockhart," Dumbledore said loudly, the chatter in the hall immediately coming to an end. "I would like to thank you for decorating the Hall to look so lively this morning, it is a welcome change, but I'm afraid that Mr Filch had to take them down as some of the confetti was ruining our lunch."

Lockhart beamed, smiling proudly, and showing off every one of his pearly white teeth. "You are very welcome, Professor Dumbledore! Love itself is a holiday and should be celebrated! I've heard many of the students have already been blessed with lovely song declarations of love!"

Dumbledore nodded and moved up to the podium. "Students, today is Valentine's Day, which I'm sure you are all aware, is a special day for lovers. But I firmly believe that today is no different than any other day when it comes to telling that special someone how you feel. Love is an important emotion and those with the ability to love possess power far above all others. Sometimes, the ability to love is so powerful that it can actually counteract magic meant to harm them."

Harry was staring at Dumbledore in confusion now. Was he actually going to tell the school that love from his mother is what had saved him from Voldemort all those years ago? Why? What would be the point? Why was he stressing the magical power of love?

"The heart cannot be turned in the same way that the mind can be," Dumbledore continued and Harry let out a breath of relief — it wasn't about him. "I would like to introduce you to a dear friend of mine named Maggie Cumberland who has a love story to share with us today, Maggie?"

A short dark-haired woman with streaks of grey made her way out from the back room where Remus had just been. She walked purposefully up to the podium and nodded at Dumbledore.

"Thank you, Professor Dumbledore, for inviting me here today."

She was quiet for a moment and then she smiled brightly at the students who were all looking up at her in curiosity. The fact that Hogwarts had invited a guest was rare enough let alone having one speak.

"For the last four years, I have been working in England as a Healer, but I had this feeling inside of me that something was missing in my life; that something wasn't the way that it was supposed to be — and whenever I saw two people in love walking by, holding hands, that feeling intensified within me. I couldn't explain it. Finally, a few months ago, a friend of mine recommended that I see a Mind Healer to try to figure out why I was feeling this way and much to my surprise, I discovered that something was missing from my life. Someone had stolen my memories from me."

There was a collective gasp around the tables and Harry frowned, wondering what on earth this woman was doing here and why she would be telling this story.

His eyes moved to his father who was moving closer to Lockhart now and had clasped a hand on his shoulder, offering him a small reassuring smile. Lockhart's own smile was as bright as ever, but looked strained, worried even.

"My entire memory wasn't gone, but the part of my memory that was gone was about the man who I loved, the man I had married twenty years ago, and pledged to love forever on this very day — on Valentine's Day. David Cumberland, my husband, was a renowned vampire specialist. The man who had single-handedly turned an entire family of vampires off of murder, by helping them to live a life that didn't involve killing others to survive. My husband is the hero who saved a village in Romania from being slaughtered by vampires."

Chatter was beginning to bubble around the hall now and Harry listened as Neville leaned over. "Didn't Lockhart say that he did that in his book?"

Hermione nodded, paling. "Yes, he did."

The woman continued to speak now, her voice getting louder. "Imagine my surprise when the memory of the man that I loved was restored and I learned that someone else had taken credit for his achievements: That his memory had also been altered to believe that he had not achieved what he had, to not remember me, nor any of his accomplishments. That someone, a young man who had come to interview David and I on his accomplishments, had decided to claim those achievements for his own."

Lockhart was trying to slip away from Remus now, his face pale. Harry watched as Snape stood up and clasped his hand on Lockhart's other shoulder, nodding curtly at Remus.

"That man who came to interview my husband and I, his name was Gilderoy Lockhart, and he stole my husband's life work for himself, and then he took our memories from us."

The hall seemed to gasp in surprise as a whole as everyone began to chat amongst themselves.

Cumberland turned to look back at Lockhart, hatred in her eyes. "I read your books, Lockhart, and I would bet good money that those other things you 'claimed to have done,' were also done by other witches and wizards whose memories you then erased to claim the credit of their good works. You should be ashamed of yourself! How many lives have you ruined?"

Lockhart glared at her. "You stupid witch! You couldn't just leave your life alone, could you? Do you think anyone wants to read about some boring old man who helped vampires when they could imagine me doing it? No! Or that some old Armenian warlock actually helped a man with lycanthropy? Or some ugly old hag was the one to learn how to get rid of a banshee? No! It was me who did it! Me! I did all of those things! All of it!"

Tonks and Arnett came out from the back room. Tonks used her wand to handcuff Lockhart's hands behind his back as Arnett began to speak.

"Gilderoy Lockhart, you are hereby being arrested for using the Memory Charm on unsuspecting witches and wizards without their knowledge or consent, for fraudulently taking credit for work that you yourself did not do, and for making yourself rich from it. You are being charged with fraud and implementing false memories in Maggie and David Cumberland. Investigators and Mind Healers will be visiting every single place mentioned in your books to discover who else might have been one of your victims. You do not have to say anything. But, it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence."

Students soared to their feet, some clapped and cheered, some were crying, but all eyes watched in amazement as the Aurors brought Lockhart from the Great Hall in handcuffs.

Stunned eyes moved back up to the front where Dumbledore was waiting for them to quiet down.

"I am sorry to say that this means that you will no longer have Professor Lockhart as your Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Criminal charges will be brought against him for his fraudulent ways. If anyone has anything to say on the matter, issues may be brought forth to your Head of House," Dumbledore said, calmly. He had a twinkle in his eye as he gestured for Remus to move forward. "Starting today, your new Defence Against the Dark Arts professor will be Professor Lupin. Now that lunch and the excitement of the morning are over, let's get moving to our afternoon classes."

Harry popped another apple slice in his mouth before he hurried towards the Head table, grinning widely. "Hi, Professor!"

Remus beamed at him. "Hi, Harry. I heard that you had this mad idea of getting me hired."

Harry shrugged. "I may have mentioned something to Uncle Padfoot about it."

Remus smiled and squeezed Harry's shoulder. "Well, I'm glad to take up the post. I'll see you in class and remember, it's Professor Lupin not Professor Moony."

Harry smirked at that and hurried back to his friends.

The day was turning out to be really interesting, he thought and he couldn't wait for his first Defence Against the Dark Arts class. He knew that it would be infinitely better and he was equally as pleased that Lockhart was finally gone. But he hadn't expected him to be a criminal.

Had he really erased the minds of witches and wizards only to claim that he had saved them instead? Who would do such a thing only to be famous?

As the day went on, students were talking about Lockhart's arrest everywhere they went. Rumours were flying around that Lockhart hadn't truly accomplished anything on his own and that all he was good for was signing his name on things. Many of the students seemed quite upset with his arrest, the girls especially, who were embarrassed to have fawned over him in the first place.

But the really big news came out around dinner.

Lockhart was being charged with a new crime.

It seemed that his Fan Club had consisted of a few private tea parties in his office. Harry wasn't completely sure how true the rumours were, but he heard that Lockhart had been having affairs with some of his students. Two seventh year girls had claimed that he had shagged them, one fifth year girl claimed that he had touched her inappropriately, and two third year boys had come forward claiming Lockhart had forced them to orally pleasure him during detention.

Teachers were investigating the rumours, but it sounded like Lockhart was going to be spending the rest of his life in Azkaban prison.

It wasn't until the next day after lunch that Harry got to experience his first class with Professor Lupin. Harry eagerly hurried into Defence Against the Dark Arts class, beaming at his father who was sitting on the edge of the desk in open black robes revealing his brown tweed jacket, a light green dress shirt and tie over his black jeans. He was smiling at them all, looking relaxed and completely at ease to be at the front of the classroom.

Once everyone was seated, he smiled warmly at the class.

"Welcome to Defence Against the Dark Arts, I am Professor Lupin. I look forward to teaching you all this year and to try to help you get through your exams successfully despite the dismal topics that you've covered under Lockhart."

"What topics?" Seamus asked, making the class laugh.

"Exactly, Mr Finnigan. So, today, I would like to start off with an overview of some of the topics that we should be getting into. One of the first ones is curses and jinxes, particularly those used in duelling."

Chatter immediately broke out among the class, intrigued at the idea of using any form of spell in a duel against another student. Remus immediately quashed that idea however by reminding them they would be learning strictly in the safety of the classroom and that duelling was prohibited in the corridors and on school grounds.

He had Harry and Hermione go up to the front and demonstrate a few of the ones they had been practicing and the whole class was grinning by the time it was over. They were off to a great start.

Harry stayed behind to grin at his father as his classmates shuffled out. "That was great, Professor!"

Remus smiled at him. "It's a start, Harry. The workload is going to be quite intense because everyone is so behind, but I will do my best to try to make sure everyone is getting the education that they deserve."

Harry beamed at him. "You're the best."

Remus chuckled. "We thought about telling you when you were home two weeks ago for the trial, but Sirius and I decided to surprise you, as we still didn't know when I would be officially starting. Dumbledore was still figuring out the Lockhart situation.

Harry nodded, his eyes sobering as he looked up at his father. "Uncle Moony, there are rumours going around that Lockhart was having sex with some of the students."

Remus' eyebrow rose. "That's a serious accusation and it certainly won't help his cause. The seventh years… well, technically if they were seventeen he may get his charges diminished, but as a teacher in the school… that's dangerous grounds to be stepping on. I did hear, after he was arrested, that a few students went to their heads of house with some complaints. I just hope that it's not true, as no one should feel that they can't trust their teacher."

"I heard a few third year boys as well and a fifth year girl is claiming he touched them inappropriately — do you think it's true?"

Remus let out a slow breath. "I don't know, little Prongs. I guess we'll have to wait and see what the Aurors find. Now go on, you'll be late for History of Magic."

Harry just grinned at him. Having Remus at Hogwarts with him made him safe and happier then he had felt in a while.

Finally, something was going right.

~ ASC ~

When Harry got up to his dorm room after dinner the next day, the last thing that he expected to find was Fred and George sitting on his bed. He raised an eyebrow at them.

"Hi, guys, looking for Ron?"

Fred shook his head. "Nope, you. Come sit." He pat the bed in between the two of them.

Harry merely smiled at them. "What are you plotting?"

George looked hurt. "We just want to have a little chat, so rude of you to assume otherwise."

Fred grinned. "But also wise."

Harry smirked and moved to sit between them. "What's going on?

"Fred and I have been talking about something we heard you say the other day and then again at dinner today that made us rather suspicious.

"Er, suspicious about what exactly?"

Fred scratched his chin as if he was lost in deep thoughts. "Well, two weeks ago when you left to go home for the trial you called Sirius by a different name when he called you. I thought that I heard you call him Padfoot?"

"Okay…"

George sighed. "And then today at dinner you said how defence was great because of having Professor Moony."

Harry winced at that one. He needed to make sure he always called Remus by his surname and not the name that he had grown up calling him. It was going to be like the Auntie Minnie fiasco of first year all over again, though he was pretty sure Remus wouldn't take points away, he hoped.

"Maybe."

Fred grinned. "Padfoot and Moony, we just found those very interesting names — distinct even."

"Quite distinct, I'd say," George added with a sly grin. "Any chance you'd care to explain them?"

Harry shrugged, looking towards his closed dormitory door. "Just nicknames they had when they were young. They made them up in school and taught them to me. It's why Uncle Siri calls me Prongslet because they called my dad Prongs."

Fred's eyes lit up now. "Prongs… and Wormtail?"

Harry's eyes narrowed. The name bringing up memories of the trial he had been trying to forget about. The dreams had been extra intense lately and even when he woke up Sirius to talk, he still found them intense and often couldn't go back to sleep with his heart pounding and his mind full of thoughts and memories that he wished he didn't have.

"What do you two know exactly?"

George grinned widely, slapping his hands together and nodding at his twin who immediately pulled out a folded up piece of old parchment. "When we were in our first year, Harry, we were young and carefree and innocent —"

Harry snorted.

"— Okay more innocent than we are now," Fred added, sheepishly. "We got detention from Filch."

"Shocker."

"Shh, we're telling you about our epic adventures," George said.

Harry grinned at them. "So, you were in detention?"

"No, not in detention quite yet," Fred added.

"We were merely being lectured by Filch for letting off a Dungbomb, which upset him for some unknown reason, and while he was ranting and threatening us with the usual —"

" — Disembowelment —"

" — Shackles —"

" — and what not, I happened to notice that one of the drawers in his filing cabinet was marked: Confiscated and Extremely Dangerous. Now, being that I am a curious soul, I began to wonder —"

" — what kind of things was Filch hiding in the school that could be classified as 'extremely dangerous?' We were concerned for the student body as a whole," George added.

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, right."

Fred grinned. "So, we planned a distraction and the next day, with our friend Lee Jordan's help, he and George distracted Filch, and I snuck into his office."

"Fred broke open the drawer and pulled out — this!" he said triumphantly, holding the old parchment in his hand.

Harry's eyebrow rose. "Old parchment, how exciting."

"Harry, if you knew what this old parchment was, you would understand," Fred said patiently. "We reckon Filch never figured it out on his own." He handed the parchment over to Harry.

Harry took the parchment from them and stared down at it. "I still don't get it."

Fred sighed and tapped it with his wand. "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

To Harry's surprise, lines of ink began to spread across the parchment to form writing in a neat slanted hand that he immediately recognized as belonging to Remus.

Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs,

Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers are proud to present

—

THE MARAUDER'S MAP

Harry's mouth dropped open as the ink spread to reveal the small sketch of Hogwarts and when he opened the folded parchment he found a perfectly drawn map of the entire school including corridors, hidden staircases and passageways, and hundreds of dots dancing around the page revealing the location of every student and teacher within the school.

"Is that — Professor Dumbledore?" Harry asked.

"Pacing in his office?" George said with a grin.

"He does that a lot," Fred said. "And here's us," he said, pointing to the three dots in the Gryffindor second year boys dormitory.

Harry grinned widely as he stared down at the parchment. "Uncle Sirius is going to be so ecstatic when he learns that you two found this!"

Fred grinned widely. "Which brings us back to our first question, Harry… you call Sirius by the name of Padfoot and if you notice, one of the Messrs is called Padfoot also?"

Harry nodded, a big smile on his face. "He and my dad and their friends created this map when they went to school here."

"Wicked!" The twins chorused together.

Harry grinned back at them. "You two have had it since first year?"

Fred nodded. "It took us about a day to figure out how to open it and then we mostly used it to sneak around, prank Filch, and pull stunts on Peeves, but yeah. It's a brilliant piece of magic and it has pretty much everything on here. But… it doesn't have the Chamber of Secrets."

George shook his head. "Trust us, we've looked."

"That doesn't mean that it doesn't exist," Harry told them. "It just means that Uncle Sirius and his friends never found it, therefore couldn't place it onto the map."

Fred looked thoughtful for a moment and then he nodded. "True… Harry, we have so many questions and we love this map! It has aided us straight and true for almost four wonderful years now. We owe them so much helping a new generation of lawbreakers such as ourselves."

George nodded next to him. "But seeing how it was your fathers who in fact made the map, it does seem like it belongs with you."

Harry watched as the little dots moved across the map. "You're really giving it to me?"

Fred nodded, slapping Harry on the back as he stood up. "You are essentially the son of three of the Legendary Marauders — it's all yours. Besides, George and I have memorized all of the secret passageways out of the school by now anyway."

"Speaking of, we're pretty sure that Filch knows about these ones and these two are blocked," George told him. "And this one under the Whomping Willow, we have no idea where it leads, though it looks like Hogsmeade. Fred and I have never dared to get close enough, and after what that tree did to you and Ron at the beginning of the year, it's probably safer if you stay away from it altogether," he added with a grin. "But this is a pretty safe bet to use, takes you right into Honeydukes!"

"Mischief Managed," Fred said, tapping his wand on the parchment and Harry watched as all of the lines faded away as if they had never been.

"Thanks," Harry said with a grin.

Fred and George simply grinned back at him.

~ ASC ~

Sirius grinned when he saw Hedwig sitting at the kitchen table the next morning. He took the envelope from her, a big smile on his face as he read Harry's words.

Uncle Sirius,

You came through!

Uncle Moony is already a WAY better teacher — thank you so much!

I always knew that Lockhart was an idiot, but I had no idea that he was a criminal! It was kind of brilliant to watch Tonks take him away in handcuffs. The whole school has been talking about it all day. Plus there are some crazy rumours going around that he was having sex with students. Uncle Remus says that he doesn't know if those are true or not, but either way, I'm glad he's gone — the barmy git.

It's hard to believe that he actually stole people's memories and used the life work they had accomplished for his own personal gain into fame. He should be ashamed of himself!

Uncle Remus started his class yesterday by going over some curses and jinxes, mostly the ones that he already told me to study and then he had Hermione and I demonstrate them to the class since we had already taught them to ourselves. He's a really good teacher and super patient. Over half the class had mastered the spells he taught by the end of the lesson. He's going to be a great improvement.

Also, the next Quidditch game has been posted — it's at the end of March. Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. See you then!

Love,

Harry

Sirius folded up the letter with a smile. He felt better knowing Moony was at the school himself. The stuff about the Chamber of Secrets had yet to be resolved nor the puzzle revealed, and having his friend nearby made him feel safer for his son's well being.

He noticed a second piece of folded parchment had fallen to the table and he picked it up curiously, unfolding it and his face broke out into a grin as he read.

Dear Sirius,

As you know, we like to have fun and to cause a tad bit of mischief every once in a while. Four years ago, we stole something from Filch's office that was hidden in a drawer marked 'Confiscated and Extremely Dangerous'— we're pretty sure Filch never figured out what it was.

But we did.

I'm sure you can imagine our surprise when we suddenly found ourselves with a full map detailing the entirety of Hogwarts and all who were in it.

We have recently surmised that the so-called Messrs, who we owe so much to, includes not only Harry's departed father, but yourself and Professor Lupin.

We just wanted to say thanks for creating such a wonderful gift for us to find and not to worry as we bequeathed it to the rightful Marauder Heir just today.

George Weasley

Fred Weasley

PS — How did you make it?

Sirius grinned widely, snorting in laughter. If anyone was to stumble upon the Marauder's Map he couldn't be more pleased to learn that it was the Weasley twins. And the fact that they had given it to Harry pleased him even more. He pulled out some fresh parchment and his quill with a grin.

He was always happy to share some wisdom with a fellow marauder, he thought, and he immediately began to tell Fred and George about the Homonculous Charm, which was an important tracking device that when cast onto a map enabled the person who who had a map of an area, to track everyone in that area and show their path. He explained how they had snuck out and mapped out the school in careful detail down to the broom cupboards. They finished it in sixth year and had been immensely proud and satisfied with their work. He also let them know that the map had a piece of each their personality embedded into it as a charm because they each used their own magic to create it. This entailed that when someone they knew took hold of the map and attempted to learn its secrets without revealing the password first, their Marauder personas would jump off the page with a witty or sarcastic statement. It spewed random insults if it was someone they didn't know.

Not to mention the endless insults they had created the map to say in case Snape ever stumbled across it.

After he sealed the letter and sent Hedwig back to the school with a response to the twins, he smiled to himself.

The map didn't only insult, he thought.

He remembered one time at the end of sixth year, he had been studying the map carefully in an attempt to find Regulus. But he had been interrupted by Lily and had quickly closed it down.

Lily was staring at the parchment in his hands. "What are you doing out here, past curfew, with that old bit of parchment?"

Sirius shrugged. "Er — nothing."

"Wow, that was a genius lie, however can I possibly see through it."

"Sarcasm, Evans — I'm shocked."

Lily rolled her eyes and tugged the parchment away from his grasp and stared down at it, turning it over in her hands. "Why do you have this?"

"To record my thoughts. I have deep thoughts you know."

Lily chuckled and tapped on the parchment. "Lily Evans, Prefect, demands you reveal your secrets."

The parchment immediately began to scroll ink across the page in a neat cursive writing which Lily then read aloud.

"Mr Moony would like to say that Miss Evans is a wonderful Charms student, but still doesn't have the charm to unlock this secret." She looked up in surprise. "What the…"

Sirius just grinned and nodded at the parchment. "Keep reading…"

Lily did as he asked as the writing changed. "Mr Wormtail would like to say that he's noticed Miss Evans napping in History of Magic and thinks that she could do better. Mr Padfoot wants to say that Miss Evans needs to mind her own business and stop harassing innocent students in the corridors. Mr Prongs would like to add that Miss Evans is insane-ly beautiful and her eyes shine like emeralds in the dark. Miss Evans would make a fine match for that James Potter."

Lily blushed scarlet and shoved the parchment back at Sirius. "I don't know what this is —"

Sirius shrugged. "Harmless fun. Look, it even complimented you!"

"Only the one who calls himself Prongs, the other three charmingly insulted me, before I was told that I would make a good match with Potter? I don't think so!"

Sirius simply grinned. "I know how you can figure out the secret."

Lily's eyebrow rose. "The secret?"

"To this parchment. You're right, it does do something special."

"Oh?"

Sirius shoved the parchment into his pocket and smirked at her. "Go on a date with Jamie and you'll see."

Lily rolled her eyes and turned to storm off in a huff of annoyance. "Now you're trying to set me up with him? Merlin!"

And Sirius had just laughed as she had stormed off. He couldn't wait to tell James that the map couldn't even insult Lily on his behalf.

Sirius chuckled to himself as he remembered that day and he quickly bottled the memory to add to the Pensieve.

He glanced at the clock and stretched lazily. He was going to be late to read to the kids at the hospital if he didn't get a move on, he thought and hurried upstairs to shower, whistling as he went.