Day 5 (Or That Time the Heroine and the Guardian Spoiled the Sequel)

The smoke dispersed, and I was right. Poor Cock-Bite was dead. Very dead. The only thing that remained of the Lyndwyrm was a valley of glittering glass. Like, Little Miss Schnee-byou's spell was apparently powerful enough to melt sand and then cool it back into glass, going against all laws of science or something.

How stupidly awesome is that? I'm almost tempted to invoke the Rule of Cool here. In lieu of my usual preference for realism, I mean.

Ruby gushed. "That was… so awesome!"

Like, tell me about it. Taking out two-million points of HP with one nuke? That's, like, peak DPS right there. Too bad that she can't pull it off in Incursions for some reason.

"Grimm and Heralds are more formidable in Incursions, while Maidens are weaker. Quote git gud unquote."

Yeah, like, I know, right?

Fiona tugged on her cloak, shuffling beside me. "Hmph! This Heroine had been expecting more of the challenge. 'Twas much too short."

Weiss sighed. "Well, I'm glad someone's enjoyed herself. Not everyone can snap their fingers and melt an A-class Grimm you know."

Fiona's nose curled up as she murmured, "Indeed. Mayhaps 'twould be wise for this Heroine to do the holding of the back…"

{Fiona Schnee}

{MP: 0/263,849}

I snorted, steadying Little Miss Schnee-byou as her legs wobbled, her MP bar practically gone. "You? Holding back? Sure. No offence, but, like, I don't think you even know what that means."

Like, emptying her MP to show off to her parents? Just Fiona being Fiona, I guess.

"Oh, beloved," Fiona said, her freezing lips ghosting over mine. She fell into my arms. Her soaked clothes clung to her curves like a dream. Whatever thoughts I had of scolding her turned into mist—she did it for me too. "This Heroine finds herself of the tiredness. Mayhaps 'twould be prudent for the Guardian to do the carrying?"

I chuckled and let her head rest on the crook of my elbow, lifting her toned calves with my other arm. "You're lucky I'm, like, feeling generous today."

And it's not because I love you or whatever. It's not because I'm experiencing the falling into love. I guess, it's just… her and me being us. Like, how many people could we stick with, anyway? She's immortal. I'm immortal. Everyone's gonna grow old and die while we're hopping worlds and saving the day. It's like that one trope I forgot the name of.

"No way," Blake said, her voice snapping me out of my thoughts. "You're the Heroine and the Guardian Inky mentioned."

"Aye," Inky said. "That be them."

Fione hmphed. "'Twould be Heroine and Guardian—both with incredibly tasteful capitals!" she said. "For you see, these are no mere epitaphs! Nay! They are titles wrought from the golden halls of Akasha!"

Inky and her redhead friend laughed, but I'm not laughing. Get this straight. There's a limit to the amount of chuuni I can take in one day. And it's been four fucking days.

You do the math.

"Akasha?" Weiss said.

Oh, you sweet, sweet summer child.

I shook my head.

Here. Lemme do everyone a favour.

"Ignore her," I said. "My partner gets like this sometimes… No, wait. Who am I kidding? She's always like this. Like, all the time."

Weiss smiled. "Is that so? Nevertheless, Team Snowbear thanks you. I'm Weiss Schnee, heiress of the Schnee Dust Company. These are my teammates…"

I took the chance to pop Observe while they exchanged pleasantries, their names and Classes flashing in my mind's eye.

Ruby Rose (Human) — Remnant A-404

The Silver-Eyed Prodigy

Slayer

Level 36

Slayer. Any relation to Edgy's Class? You know, Shadowslayer?

Slayer (Warrior/Rogue)

Warriors who specialise in offence. Their swift ferocity rivals that of a Rogue's without sacrificing their defences. Slayers favour steel and guile, employing ranged attacks where necessary.

Observe.

Blake Belladonna (?)— Remnant A-404

?

Ghostblade

Level 41

Ghostblade, huh? Familiar name, strange place.

Ghostblade (Rogue)

Ghostblades weave through the battlefield, slipping in and out of combat. Their opportunistic attacks are the bane of unsuspecting prey. Ghostblades favour steel and guile, with a passing affinity for unarmed and ranged combat.

How come I can't see Blake's Race or Title though? Like, there are fuckin' cat ears on her head. Twitching. And her eyes are glowing. Isn't it, like, pretty obvious?

"Blake Belladonna of Remnant A-404 has Skill: Persona Non Grata. Displaying..."

Persona Non Grata {S}

When a Rogue severs ties to the past, their ability to conceal themselves increases to supernatural heights. At S-Rank, Persona Non Grata renders the Rogue's Race and Title permanently hidden unless willingly revealed. Only Observe at S-Rank or better, and its variants, can bypass Persona Non Grata. All reputation gains while Persona Non Grata is active are stunted.

Obscuris: Conceals the Rogue's presence further, requiring Observe and its variants to be at SSS-Rank to bypass Persona Non Grata. Greatly lowers the Rogue's CHA, preventing CHA bonuses and growths.

Hesus. Like, secretive much?

Anyway, she's another DPS, although she probably leans more towards the sneaky style of combat.

Geez. Like, don't tell me they're all DPS-es. How busted is that?

Observe.

Weiss Schnee (Human) — Remnant A-404

Heiress Apparent

Dustblade

Level 35

Alright, I give up. They're all pretty much DPS-es.

Dustblade (Warrior/Mage)

The Dustblades of Remnant employ a substance called dust in battle. Wielding nature's wrath, they fuse elemental and physical attacks into a coherent style. Dustblades favour both ranged and melee attacks, relying on a limited pool of resources.

Yeah, like. That's totally why I hate dust. It's like MP but you have to buy it. That's, like, losing twice or something. Capitalism!

Observe.

Nexus Shade (Faunus) — Remnant A-404

The Artificer

Trickster

Level 53

So high? I mean, compared to his teammates, he's, like, fifteen levels more. He's even ten levels above me! Aren't they all supposed to be Remnant's equivalent of unpaid college interns or something?

Trickster (Rogue/Mage)

Rogues are staunch practitioners of the shadowy arts. A Trickster simply elevates the Rogue's craft to new heights, combining their unconventional tactics with a Mage's versatility. Tricksters favour steel and guile, utilising a hodgepodge of techniques to dictate the flow of battle. They are also adept at aiding allies—whether near or far.

Fucking finally. There's a Support on their team. The one with the highest level. Fiona's dad. A Trickster.

…

Shit. Who am I kidding? Support, my ass. He was pretty much front and centre back there, acting almost like a DPS or a Tank.

Now I'm starting to see where Fiona gets it. She's also a Support, isn't she? Like, the type of Support that supports their team by killing off the enemy. Best Support is DPS, amirite?

I giggled and turned my Observe on Inky.

Incitatia Hessarian (Human) — ?

Keeper of the Flame

Demon Huntress

Level 107

Demon Huntress (Warrior/Mage)

Eldritch abominations have tempted mortals since time immemorial, lurking in the mire between worlds. Thus, the first Demon Hunter was born, and Demon Huntresses after—those who dedicate their lives to rooting out evil wherever it may hide. Proficient in all things combat, Demon Huntresses blaze a path across the infinite realms—be it with might or magic—and turn the power of darkness against it.

Demon Huntresses are far less susceptible to magic than their Demon Hunter peers, in exchange for less STR and CON.

And ding, ding, ding! We just spoiled the sequel! We're going to Thedas next, ladies and gentlemen! The ride just doesn't end!

That means the freckled ginger next to her is one of my favourite characters then. Oh, sweet Hesus. She's looking at me now, a glint of amusement in her crystal-blue eyes. Quick, Guardian EEP. Try not to fangirl, try not to fangirl, try not to fangirl…

Observe.

Leliana (Human) — ?

Sacramental Sister

Nightingale

Level 81

Nightingale (Rogue)

How fares the Nightingale's song? As masters of both the bardic and roguish arts, Nightingales linger in the shadows, rendering aid to allies from afar. As combatants, they favour subterfuge, rarely plunging into the chaos of battle.

"Is there some dirt on my nose, old friend?" she whispered, smiling.

I flushed, catching myself before we fell off the dune. "No—nothing," I whispered back. "Your nose looks very clean."

Your nose looks very clean?

What the fuck, EEP?

Thankfully, she looked away before I died of cringe.

"I'm Eir," I said once Weiss finished her introductions. "And this is—"

"Hmph!" Fiona crossed her arms, shooting Leli the stink-eye. "You may simply address me as Archer! For 'tis a name most mysteriously mystical! Most rare and romantic! Most—"

I covered Fiona's mouth before she could embarrass us. Again. She wriggled in my grip like a worm, her drool dripping all over my palm.

"Okay, Little Miss Chuuni," I said, stifling a sigh. "It's, like, wayyyyyyyyyyyyy past your bedtime."

Blake shot us a glare—fun. "Alright, I'll bite. Who are you? Am I the only one who thinks it's suspicious that they just so happened to show up, right when we needed them?"

I grinned. "That's, like, kinda what we do. You're welcome, by the way."

Fiona's head shot up, breaking free of my fleshy duct-tape. "Indeed! Fret not, cat in the black! 'Tis naught but the most truthful of truths! For we are the mysterious! The shadowy!"

"The unsung!" Inky giggled.

"The Guardians of the Unknowing!" Fiona smirked, her hand inches away from her fabled chuuni pose.

I rolled my eyes. "The desert. Yeah. That's, like, a totally legit name. The Guardians of the Desert. It, like, rolls off the tongue, right?"

They looked unimpressed, save for Ruby who grinned ear-to-ear.

Look, I'm feeding you some EEP-brand of bullshit here. The least you could do is gobble it up or something.

"The Guardians of the Desert," Weiss said. "Really? Are you an elite huntsman cell from Vacuo? Just like the Ace Ops of Atlas?"

Yeah, right, sure. Of course we are! It's not like my companion just told you who we really are, right? I mean, not even a day here and our cover's already blown. Edgy was right. Fiona is a shit rogue.

Fiona wrinkled her nose. "Pray! Our organization is, as the locals say it, most classified. 'Twould be wise for the heiress of the Schnee to be keeping the questions to herself!"

I snickered, burying my face in Fiona's dripping hair. On second thought, she's not that bad. Like, at least she's trying.

"Of course, Archer," Weiss said. "My apologies. Though, I imagine we'll be parting ways soon?"

Yeah, like, welcome to the club. I snickered even more. Good luck peeling her off you.

"This Heroine fears that she must do the shaking of her head," Archer said. "For you see, we are, as the locals say it, going of the same direction."

"I see," Weiss said, utter resignation dripping from her voice. "Then you're most welcome to travel with us."

Sure we are. I stuck close to Leli and Inky, minding the slippery sands. It's not like she's secretly your kid, right?

"So, what's your job?" I said once we were far enough from the four. "I'm, like, wondering why your dots are white."

Mundane souls were green on the Mini-Map while Guardians were blue and the Grimm were red. What did white mean?

"They are Lorekeepers—with a capital L."

Lore, what?

"Aye!" Inky said, grinning. "That be true!"

Fiona's eyebrows furrowed.

"Did you just…" I said. "Answer my Guide?"

"Yes," Leli said. "We Lorekeepers are in tune with the unseen."

"Indeed."

So they're, like, Guardians of the Unseen? Quaint.

"Hmph!" Fiona's extra pair of ears perked up, spraying my cheek with a drizzle of fur. "This Heroine hears naught but the pouring of rain and the roiling of thunder."

"It be the voice in Eir's head, eh?" Inky said.

"I see," Fiona said, bobbing her chin furiously. "The voice in my beloved's head. Pray! Does it sing?"

"Sing?" I said. "What the fuck?"

"Quote what the hell unquote."

Inky burst out laughing, her voice tinkling in the rain. She stabbed her staff into the sand with a wet squelch and said, "You haven't tried asking him, eh?"

"Yeah, no shit," I said. "Have you ever tried asking the voice in your head, like, 'Hey there, quick question. You use your shower as a microphone, too?'"

"Negative. I do not quote use my shower as a microphone unquote."

"Bwahahahaha!" Inky whipped her head back, her ponytail whooshing. "I missed you, my friend!"

"Aaaaaaaaand I'm fookin' lost," I said. "Like, how many times did we save the world again? I'm counting a big, fat zero here."

Inky and Leli shot each other glances, some sort of telepathic communication that didn't actually exist bouncing between them.

Yeah, like. Use actual words, why don't you.

"Too many times to count, my friend," Leli finally said. "It is a shame that you seem to be, ah, a tad behind the years."

No kidding. So you're saying that I'm not dying in this story? I even get to star in the sequel?! Holy shit! That's, like, probably the best news I've heard all night!

Minus the sequel part. But we can't all have our crab cakes, can we?

Inky led us to a cave by the cliffside, tiny waves of magic echoing from her staff whenever she took a step. Resonance according to Observe. A pathfinding Skill that cost a ton of MP. She never stopped using it in the past hour.

Incitatia Hessarian

HP: 31,128/31,128

MP: 1,762,731/2,179,364

It's official. She's broken as fuck. Imagine having ten times the mana Little Miss Schnee-byou has. And, like, what? Twenty times worth of Salem's MP-bar? A thousand times of mine?

Eir

HP: 2,067/2,067

MP: 3,769/3,769

I'm not a math nerd, but a thousand sounds about right.

The pitter-patter of rain tapped my forehead with its cold little feet. Fiona yawned in my arms, snuggling against my chest. Warm. Impossibly warm. Of course she was. With her cloak and thick mane, she had two layers of heat wrapped around her all the time.

Eir, huh? I glanced at the three letters floating above my HP and MP. What's up with the name-change?

"You have quote found yourself unquote."

Whoa, more cliche bullshit. Tell me something that doesn't make me cringe.

"Time and again, you have misunderstood what it means to be a Guardian."

Then what does it mean?

My fingers curled over Fiona's thigh, my nails biting into her taut flesh.

Like, I think it's about time you ran out of quotes and unquotes, don't you think?

"Choice, Guardian Eir. Just as Guardian Taurus, Guardian Schnee, and Guardian Rose all took the mantles of their shells and made it theirs, you have discarded yours and made it your own."

What the hell are you talking about? Isn't that supposed to be the twist? That we're all being slowly assimilated into the hivemind?

"No."

Thunder struck and banged the doldrums, shattering the skies above.

"A choice, Guardian Eir, to protect. No soul is forced upon the unwilling, much less a duty that an honoured few could willingly bear."

So you're saying that I could have chosen to be Jaune. To be just like all the other Jaunes.

But I didn't. Right? 'Cuz that's kinda what I'm getting here.

"Indeed. Are you certain of your path, Guardian Eir?"

What's there to be uncertain about?

"Rejecting the last stage of your Inscribing—the complete merging of souls—locks you out of a semblance."

I smiled.

I don't need a semblance.

…

Hey, like, tell something here. Do you know all this because it's been programmed into you? Or is it something else?

"Quote takes one to know one unquote."

The rain wiped the smile from my face just as Inky led us into a cave, banishing the darkness with a snap.

Don't tell me…

You were also a Guardian. Before you were a Guide.

…

Static. Then silence. Just like that one time I asked him about the truth.

Hello? Guide?

…

Just how the hell does this system work? I mean, turning Guardians into Guides… And then what?

Am I gonna turn into a robotic voice in some gal's head someday, too?

No. I shook my head, laying Fiona against the damp wall. Choice, like my Guide said. Choice. All I had to do was choose.

How hard could it be?

I don't wanna be a disembodied voice in some snarky gal's head. I want a vacation. It's not exactly some grand ambition or whatever, but it's a goal, right?

We settled into the cave like seasoned backpackers. Inky did her magic again. All sorts of kitchenware flashed into existence, pans, kettles, and a motherfucking teapot of all things floated above the bonfire.

"Y'all be hungry, yes?" Inky said.

Ruby grinned. "Yep! Can you summon cookies? Cake? Milk?"

Leli laughed.

Geez. I'm still having trouble believing that this sweet little gal turns into a stereotypical edge lord. Like, frills and coats much?

"Ruby!" Weiss barked. "I'm sorry. We shouldn't be troubling you like this. I'm sure it's not right for you to use magic for every little thing."

"Oh? Fabricate Object be no trouble, eh?" Inky said, chuckling. "It be quite the simple spell for me, eh?"

"She's, like, telling the truth," I said, wringing the rain out of my bloodcowl. "Her mana bar's, like, wayyyyy taller than the atmosphere."

No joke. Fabricate Object cost more MP the real-er the fabricated object was, according to Observe. Every single one of those pots, and the stuff she and Leli poured into them, cost fifty-thousand points worth of MP—each.

Like, what the fuck? I bit my tongue, drawing a tiny bit of blood. Isn't this kind of extravagant MP-spending just slapping me in the face? Me, the gal with only two-thousand?

I grimaced as Nex strolled past me, sitting beside Weiss and Little Miss Schnee-byou, just by the mouth of the cave. She was playing with her lute, the music some sort of folky tune that could turn into death metal the very next second. Who knows?

"No."

Oh, look, you're back. No? What do you mean by no? We're not gonna argue about my… girlfriend's music tastes now, are we?

"No. MP has almost no significance for Reaper Knights. Reaper's Dogma, Reaping Slash, and Death Sentence are all formidable Skills that require very little MP to cast."

Death Sentence?

Death Sentence

Your blade chips away at the enemy's resolve, reducing their CON by 1% for forty-four seconds every time you land a hit. Upon four consecutive strikes on the same target, whether magical or physical, your next attack cripples your enemy, dealing critical damage and reducing their movement speed and attack speed by 44% for four seconds. Death Sentences from multiple Reaper Knights stack cumulatively.

Geez. Now I'm starting to see why Akane—no, pretty much everyone hypes my Class. It's like the perfect combination between sneaky, dirty play and straightforward tanking. It's not just a funky Death Knight Berserker hybrid. Nope. It's much, much deeper than that. Have I even been using this Class—this real-life Class—to its full potential?

My fingers twitched, a ghost of a smile fitting across my lips. I could hear it. The furious, mechanical staccato buzzing in my ears. Steel thudding as it slid over wood. The lights swerving and waltzing above, melding into one. And for a moment, I was a dumb kid again. Not an Arbiter. Not a Guardian.

No. Just me being me.

I wasn't always like me, you know.

For your clarity of mind, you have earned 1 WIS.

Aaaaaaand I'm not calm anymore.

"Hey," Nex said, hands held atop Inky's campfire. The white flames danced and stroked his calloused palms.

"Hey," I said, eyeing the pair of wolf ears on his head—black triangles with tufts of white fur in the middle.

So this edgy-looking guy in the trench coat was Fiona's dad, huh?

Well, he's waaaaaaay shorter than me—by at least two feet. I could just reach out and pat the nest of dark hair on his head. No wonder Little Miss Schnee-byou was so tiny. Her mom wasn't any better. She was even shorter than him.

But at least she could make for it with heels. I don't think guys wore heels, did they? Except for crossdressers, I mean. And those furries I saw the other week on 4chan.

"Unknown."

Again, the question was completely rhetorical. But thanks, mechanical voice in my head.

"Where'd you come from?" Nex said, licking his lips. His voice was a little raspy—like, the smoker's kind of raspy.

But anyway.

"A very important question," I said, nodding.

It's not because I'm stalling, no.

Of course not.

…

Okay. Fine. What should I say? It's not like I can just go along with Fiona's sweet little lie, right?

Would saying my mom's stomach count?

Oh, who am I kidding?

"Vacuo," I finally said, Nex's golden eyes sizing me up. "I mean, it's scorching hot, sitting in the middle of nowhere, and the people are, like, super friendly." I coughed at the disbelief on his face. "It's like a little piece of heaven."

Nex chuckled. "Archer too?"

"Archer, too," I said.

The conversation ended just like that. There wasn't much to talk about—Nex seemed to be lost in thought, his eyes glazing over time and again. So, we all dispersed into the cave, curling up in our own cozy corners as we waited for Fiona's storm to pass.

Her mask still in place, her cheek lay on my shoulder, soft snores drifting from her gaping mouth. A glob of drool dripped over my vest, and Blake snickered, hiding behind her plain black book.

…

Plain black book, my ass. Can't hide anything from my Observe, little cat.

Pirates of the Steamy Seas

Limited Edition Hardbound Signed

Wow. It's a signed copy of some very interesting literature. Like, you gotta admit. Who doesn't look at porn from time to time?

Blake clutched Pirates of the Steamy Seas to her chest, covering it up with her hands as if it were a criminal offence worthy of the chopping board.

"What are you looking at?" Blake said, the cat ears of her head stiffening.

"Someone being a naughty, naughty cat," I whispered, winking.

Blake schooled her face. She lowered her book to her lap. "I don't know what you're talking about."

I clicked my tongue, smiling. "Like, I read my fair share of hentai, too. You got nothing to be ashamed of, Little Miss Catgirl."

"You're annoying," Blake muttered.

"That's totally what everyone says," I said. "It's like they all look at me and that's the first thing that goes through their head."

"I wonder why."

"Yeah, like, me too. It's not because of my face, is it?"

"Your self-awareness is incredible."

"Why, thank you. That's usually the second thing they say, actually."

"Do they?"

"Yeah."

"Hindsight is twenty-twenty."

"Faunus-sight is fifty-fifty, isn't it?"

"No, it's not. It's twenty-twenty, same as yours." Blake's words came much faster than before. "Why?"

"Because, you know," I said. "You've got much better eyesight."

"That's it?" Blake whispered.

"Yeah, that's it," I said, my thumb stroking Fiona's cheek. "Archer's got these eyes that glow in the dark. They're, like, really pretty by the way."

Like, I didn't appreciate them much before. At all. But I guess I just got used to her narrow, almost predatory stare after being together for, like, an eternity or something. Or four—nearing five—days. Oh, sweet Hesus. Two immortals. An eternity. I'm fuckin' stuck with her, aren't I?

I know, I know. Despite how many times the thought's cropped up, it still hasn't sunk in. I mean, like, what?

Blake hummed. "You know that she's awake, right?"

She's awake?! My heart shuddered in its butterfly-cage. A second passed and it almost leapt into my throat, swimming along the currents of fire rushing through my cheeks.

"Muuuuuu…" Fiona yawned, her head drooping and falling on my thigh. "Ice cream… Selene…"

I heaved a sigh of relief. "Nope. Not awake. She's dreaming again."

Dreaming about having ice cream with one of her girlfriends. Ah, to be young and spry again.

Not that I'm old, no. Forty isn't very old, is it?

"Quote you're practically ancient unquote."

Love you too, Guide.

So, time-skip!

We were currently lurking somewhere above a camp of literal bandits—bandits! fuckin' bandits in this day and age!—together with Inky and Leli. Nex and his team regrouped with the chief. Some woman called Raven.

Ah, yes, of course. Little Miss Schnee-byou's grandmother. Granddaughter of raven indeed.

I shot Fiona a look. She grinned, cupping her fingers over her masked eyes like a telescope. Her gaze swept across the camp. Inky giggled and did the same, her ivory staff pinned between her knees.

Ugh. I rolled my eyes. Besties. Right. Besties in Idiocy—with a capital I—maybe.

Leli and I exchanged glances. She smiled, her lips twitching after a second. And it was at that moment, I knew, that the road here hadn't been smooth-sailing for her either.

I could relate. Yeah, really. I could.

Inky's staff… It looked menacing. Despite the cutesy pink ribbon tied around its stem, the staff had a crimson, 3D-printed human heart affixed to the tip, the veins and arteries almost a little too real. The length of glimmering ivory—honest to goodness dragonbone as Observe told me—tapered down into a wicked-sharp pike, the silver shining gold.

Observe.

Andraste's Pyre (Soulbound) — Phantasmal Unique

"I'd trade eternity for one last look at you…"

The ancestral staff of an esteemed magical bloodline—in its penultimate, ascended form. Forged in the repentant's fire and quenched by the redeemer's blood, legends say that the gemstone affixed to the tip is the crystallised purity of a saint's still-beating heart.

Possesses an unparalleled affinity for Fire and Light, but rejects Ice and Darkness.

INT 40 (per level)

WIS 30 (per level)

CON 25 (per level)

CHA 1 (per level)

Ignis Imperii (Unique): Doubles the power of fire and light magic. In exchange, the efficacies of both ice and dark magic are halved.

Iuxta Flamma (Unique): In combat, radiate an aura of suffocating heat, reducing the Magic Resistance of all enemies within a large radius by 90%.

Pyr Sanguin (Unique): Whenever an ally within a large radius—or yourself—loses HP, your Spellpower increases (1% SP for every 1% HP lost). The effects of Pyr Sanguin fades after combat.

Quod Impii (Unique): Spells versus magical entities are doubly effective. Spells against creatures with Alignment: Evil are guaranteed to hit and crit, gaining Magical Priority.

Lux Ignii (Unique): Grants a high chance to dampen incoming hostile spells. The nullified portion restores MP and empowers your next spell, increasing its power by a proportional amount and augmenting its properties with either True Fire (for offensive spells) or True Light (for defensive spells).

Lux Orbis (Unique): Continuously emits a sphere of forgiving light, rendering all allies within a small radius immune to Charm, Corruption, Possession, Mind-Control, and similar effects.

Lux Veritas (Unique): Doubles EXP-gain and increases the growth rate of all Attributes by 30% except for INT and WIS. Their growth rates are increased by a further 50% instead.

Magus Dei (Unique): Base INT gains a flat bonus equal to 100% of your base WIS, and vice-versa.

Sacramentum Deum (Unique): Bestows a fragment of Divinity, increasing all Attributes by 77%. Divinity inherently warps the fabric of Existence, bypassing most magical immunities.

Equip Requirement(s): Luxomancy {S}, Pyromancy {S}, Magical Proficiency {S}, Rod Mastery {S}, Spear Mastery {S}, 1500 INT, 1000 WIS, 1,000,000 MP, Mage (Class), Keeper of the Flame (Title), Good (Alignment), Virtues of the Saint (Hidden Attribute)

Spell Tree Unlock: Lux Via

Limit Break Unlock: Lux Infernus (Rend Reality, Heaven Shall Burn, My Crimson Bride)

Owner (Soulbound): Incitatia Hessarian — ?

Goddamn. Those stats. Those passives. Those reqs. That blinking, gilded, rainbow-coloured Phantasmal Unique tier. I mean, an aura that gives ninety-percent debuff to Magic Resistance? You're, like, practically naked against spells with her around. No wonder Little Miss Schnee-byou one-shotted an almost full-HP Lyndwyrm last night.

I shook my head to stop myself from drooling, turning my attention to the more important questions at hand.

Why aren't there requirements on any of Arkhalla's Regalia? It's, like, a super powerful set too, right?

"Yes… But you… have yet to unleash its power…"

So you're saying that my bloodsword, bloodshield, and bloodcowl aren't in their final forms? They're like… what? Goku?

"Indeed… As you ascend once again… so will they…"

Can't wait. I've been thinking about class-promoting to Sanguine Chronomancer or Deathknight, anyway. As long as being a Deathknight doesn't mean that you're, you know, dead. Or Undead. Like, once was enough to satisfy my morbid curiosity, thank you very much.

Deathknight (Warrior/Mage)

Confluences of man and the necromantic arts, Deathknights wield the terrifying power of Death in battle. They charge into enemy lines, brandishing both might and magic to terrorize their foes.

Well, the description isn't much help. It honestly looks like a step down from my current Class. Can you, like, do that? Stay as your current Class, I mean.

"Affirmative."

Whoa. So does that mean you're weaker because you don't have another Class, or...

"Should you choose to remain as a Reaper Knight, your stats will increase in lieu of receiving access to another Class."

Right. The power versus utility trade-off. It sounds fair.

Let's see Sanguine Chronomancer, shall we?

Sanguine Chronomancer (Mage/Cleric)

Chronomancers who draw upon the lifeblood of Existence itself. Their deceptively powerful spells can be used to stitch the wounds of allies shut or hasten the demise of their adversaries. Sanguine Chronomancers favour both blood magic and healing magic, but have a passing affinity for the martial arts.

Now that's a Class worth taking. I don't think it's a tank though. It's more of a spellsword, right?

"Quote Sanguine Chronomancers are the tankiest chronomancers unquote."

Geez. You're not giving me much of a choice other than to stay as a Reaper Knight or go with Edgy Chronomancer. Really.

"What brings you here, me friend?" Inky hovered a few inches off the ground, peeking at me through half-lidded eyes. Her staff glowed a soft pink.

"Uh, like, you know," I said, fiddling with my cowl. "Arkhalla."

"Aye," Inky said. Recognition dawned in her emerald eyes. She twirled a lock of auburn hair between her index and thumb. "There be trouble in the cosmic winds, eh?"

"So why are you here?" I said.

Leli laughed, hiding her lips behind her palm. She was crouched under the shadow of a desiccated tree. "Believe it or not, we were on vacation. Well, up until Inky decided to tag along with the four."

Vacation. I sighed. That one word caught my ear more than expected. Geez. I'm, like, not regretting my choice to be a Guardian now, am I?

Inky patted my shoulder. "It be fortunate, eh? Now that we be here, your quest be easier, eh?"

"What do Lorekeepers do, anyway?" I said, shielding my eyes from a sudden sand-strewn breeze.

"Ah, we be the ones who keep the lore, eh?" Inky said. "Now, now. Let me speak before you retort with snark, me friend."

I chuckled. Looks like we know each other very well—or will know. "Go on. I'm, like, putting away a hundred one-liners here."

"Lorekeepers are those tasked by the Cosmos to record the events of the multiverse," Leli said. "You Guardians are the ones who shield it from threats, while the Watchers are the ones who keep vigil against… delicate anomalies."

Watchers, huh? Never heard of them before.

"That's a pretty long explanation," I said. "I'm, like, wondering. Can I ask you something?"

Fiona's extra pair of ears were like ramrods all this time, listening in without so much as a twitch.

"Aye!" Inky grinned. "Ask away, me friend!"

"When you become a Lorekeeper…" I trailed off, my lips pursing in on themselves. "Do you, like, have to die? Are you like Guardians?"

"Why, no!" Inky said. "Of course not!"

"What Inky means to say is that we do not require the power of an additional soul," Leli said. "Rather, we are approached, and inducted should we find the terms agreeable. We Lorekeepers are not meant to fight on the front lines like you Guardians, after all."

So that's the reason. Guardians have to be extra strong, so that's why we need two souls instead of one. Still doesn't answer why we're all apparently ordinary people before we died though.

"Hmph." Fiona scoffed. "The nightingale speaks of souls as if they were but mere candy. This Heroine finds it most unsettling."

"In the grand scheme of things," Leli mumbled, "perhaps souls are nothing but Orlesian pastries."

Right. Maybe she had a point. We're, like, tiny insignificant specks when it comes to the vastness of everything around us, aren't we?

Hesus. I sounded wayyyyyy more cynical right there than I intended. Really! Promise. I'm usually sunnier. It's just that… these past few days have been tiring as fuck. Like, I'm so drained I can't get out of bed tiring. Anyone who's pulled an all-nighter before can probably relate.

I willed my Mini-Map into focus, glaring at the quest marker in the middle of the desert. It's a few hours walk west from where we are. We could've reached it last night, if not for the Lyndwyrm rearing its ugly ass and Fiona stirring up a thunderstorm.

Speaking of which…

"You're not gonna tell your parents?" I said when Inky and Leli stood up for a stroll, the Demon Huntress quivering on her heels—restless.

Fiona crossed her arms. "Hmph! 'Twould be naught aught in the most vain, will it not?"

"Why would it be?" I said. "Geez. They're, like, right there. The real ones this time." I waved at the camp. "I know people who'd kill for a chance like this. Me included."

"Then that is where we differ, beloved," Fiona whispered. She wiped the sweat away from her eyes, lifting her mask for a moment. "I was naive. Too naive. I do not belong here. They are… they look so happy."

I grimaced, the sight of her parents hand-in-hand, smiling, flashing past my periphery. "Maybe they could be happier."

"Nay," Fiona said, sniffling. Her nose flared, the skin red and angry. "This is…This is but par for the course."

"You're used to it," I said, the lightbulb going off in my head.

She's used to being left out—to being alone. Like, who would've guessed? She's just… too bubbly to be mistaken for a loner. Too outgoing to be an outcast. And too pretty for someone who's gotten used to being the odd one out in a clique. I mean, look at her. She's been scarred deeply enough that she doesn't even have the guts to say a small hi, I'm from the future to her mom and dad.

"'Tis of the trueness…" Fiona said, staring at her sand-caked boots. "May I confess something, beloved?"

Oh, gods, no.

"All my life," Fiona muttered, "I've sacrificed my happiness."

Oh, gods. This is it.

"First, it was for the sake of mastering my powers," Fiona said. "Second, it was for a dream to save the world. And third… it was for the love of a friend."

Oh.

Oh.

"To have fallen in love with the same boy as her…" Fiona said. "I was… Am I a bad friend?"

"Well," I said. "It's not like you're shagging her man behind her back, right?"

Fiona giggled and punched my shoulder, chunking my AU by a hundred points. "Do you think I'm a cheap whore? Hmph! Or mayhaps a loose courtesan from the bowels of Vacuo's court?"

"No, no, no," I said, waving my hands in her face as she leaned in, looming over me. Her hands pressed against my chest, pushing me down the sand. "You'd be, like, a very expensive whore. I mean—"

A kiss. She shut me up with a kiss, her cracked lips nibbling on mine. Eyes shut, hands going everywhere, the heat of our shared contact swelling into unbearable heights… It was too much to bear.

"Stop," I mumbled as she trailed kisses on my chin. "Just… stop."

"Beloved?" Fiona whispered. "Have I done something wrong?"

"There's, like, sand in my pants. Gluing my asscheeks together," I said, flushing at the stupidity of it. "I mean, I'm all for making out like the next gal, but I don't think this is the right place."

Fiona smiled, her eyes fluttering close as she laid her head on the crook of my neck. "Hmph! Then mayhaps this Heroine has won the wager of the bet…"

"Uh, uh, uh, grow up," I said. "Just because we kissed once doesn't mean—"

She arched an eyebrow, her mask jittering.

"Okay, twice or maybe thrice," I amended. "But, you know, just because two people kiss doesn't mean they're, like, suddenly soulmates or something."

"Soulmates," Fiona mumbled, her tongue rolling over the word.

Oh, gods, no. I didn't mean to say—

"Indeed!" Fiona said, grinning. "'Tis a mating of the souls, is it not? Why, this Heroine…"

"Fuck," I cursed under my breath as she went on another one of her long-winded chuuni rants. "Kill me now…"

"Impossible. Walks With Death: Available."

Hey, Guide. Lemme tell you what I think about that. Up yours.

"Quote up yours unquote?"

Ugh. Like, nevermind. I gotta admit, the line doesn't land as well as I thought it would. My bad. I'll snark better next time.

Fiona huffed and puffed after five minutes of stringing sentences together, ideas for our first date thrown in her rant somewhere. Like, I sure haven't been listening. Sue me. But I like the thought of keeping my last four brain cells alive, thank you.

"Why, this be quite the sight," Inky said, her staff suddenly tapping the sand beside my face. "We be gone and you went at it like rabbits, eh?"

Leli giggled as heat surged through my sore cheeks. Fiona didn't look much better, her face glowing cherry-red. Her eyes widened as if they belonged to a deer caught in the headlights.

Leli nudged Inky with her elbow. "Oh, leave them alone, ma chérie."

"Nope!" I scrambled to my feet, Fiona yelping as I dragged her along. "We're, like, not doing anything R-rated. It's only, like, mild teen stuff you can see hanging off the theatre."

"The—theatre?!" Fiona said, gasping. "Of—of course! 'Twould be what the locals call the voyeurism, is it not? My, my, beloved! If only I knew of your fet—"

I clamped a hand over her flappers, glaring at Leli and Inky as they laughed. Their eyes twinkled like stars in the middle of the day.

"Just so we're clear, I'm not a voyeur. Nope. Nada," I said. "Totally vanilla here. I'm the most boring person you could possibly meet."

"Hmmm…" Inky tapped her chin. "That so, eh?"

Her words were charged with unbelievable scepticism. The grin on her face contained at least ten times the amount. Geez, why is my CHA so ineffective today?

I coughed and wiped Fiona's drool off my pants. "Anyway, we should probably get going."

"Do you have a heading?" Leli said.

"Oh, you're gonna love this one," I said. "It's walking plus desert plus hours. Yeah, like, you sure you wanna come with us?"

"Surely a few hours of trudging through a desert is nothing between old friends," Leli said, smiling as she tapped the spine of her obsidian bow—Titanfall. "Come. We can chat along the way."

Squeeeee!

Did I just… squeal?

Oh, gods, no.

I did. I squealed. In the most embarrassing way possible.

Inky snickered, winking as she slung an arm over Leli and Fione's shoulders and nudged them back to the path.

Sigh.

I trotted after them, with the realisation that if I don't die to some Grimm out there, then the inexplicably cringy shit I get myself into will be the death of me.

Author's Notes:

Double update! Happy holidays to y'all! Thanks for reading and leaving those reviewing!