January 7th 2023

Chapter 191
My Dear Sweet Girl

They were going to have to go soon. They had to do the afternoon pick-ups. Noah from preschool, and from the elementary school, Elliott… and Ava… Ava, who had no idea that this last pillar of her family, her home, had disappeared. He didn't disappear. He left… He left her. Jamie was back at the senior Friars' house for the moment, and they still didn't know if they'd bring him along even if they knew that his absence would raise some questions. But they had to be careful with this, even if they knew… it was going to hurt no matter how they went about it.

They'd been sitting in the living room like this for… a couple of hours, at a loss for words as they contemplated what this turn would mean for all of them, Ava most of all. In the envelope that her father had sent them, there was a letter addressed to her, still sealed and presently sitting like dread on the couch, between them. That was all hers to do with as she pleased. It had been joined to another letter, this one addressed to Lucas and Maya, and to several documents laying out as much of what he needed to put in their hands, if they didn't have it already, and what he was providing them, for Ava and for them to carry on looking after her. The whole of the contents had been sealed up in an envelope from his lawyer's office. He had not made his choice lightly, so he'd made certain that it would hold, that Ava would be protected and looked after.

Bill's letter to them had been as open as it could be in its explanations… and its request, his one. He realized it might have been asking a lot, what with their boys already, three of them here and two more soon to join them, but he couldn't help but see how happy Ava was with all of them. With him, with their family, he had seen her carve out her happiness from rock that seemed impenetrable a lot of the time, and much as he had tried to help her, he had been powerless. She was stronger than him, that was his feeling, but he feared just how strong she would have to be, in the years to come, if things kept up the way they were going, until she'd stop trying to break through that wall. He didn't want her to have to try so hard to be happy. He wanted her to be a kid, which was what she was. She could do that with the Friars, he could see it. He'd seen it from the first, when he'd seen her with them. He loved her so much, and it was because of that love that he had to let her go, had to give her a better chance at a normal life than what he could provide.

So, he had named Lucas and Maya as her legal guardians. He had set up means for financial support, to provide for her without placing any burden on the Friars, even though they had seen to most everything since Ava had come to live with them. He believed that they cared for his daughter enough to keep her among them, and while it was his belief that she would have her best life with them, he also offered a line to his brother, Owen. He mentioned that their relationship had been a complicated one in recent years, and it was one that he regretted, but he knew that Ava had always loved her uncle.

He wished he could make it so that Ava would not suffer in this, but he knew it was impossible. He regretted most of all not saying goodbye to her, but as he said it, he knew he could not make himself make 'the right choice' if he had to see her face, hear her pleading. All he could hope was that, in time, she would understand why he had to do this.

He wouldn't have to see her face when she realized he was gone, but they would. Lucas looked over to Maya, ever so quietly trailing her hand around the curve of her belly, no more than a handful of weeks away from delivering their twin boys… She was in her head, in her own world. She had been Ava, once, hadn't she? She'd been the one who had to come to the realization that her father had left her behind. But then Ava… Ava had already been left behind, hadn't she? Her mother had left, and her brothers had been out of touch, every one of them. As rough as it could sound, those she could deal with losing, to some degree, but her father… For all his faults, he loved her so much, as she loved him in return. And as bright as she was, she was eleven, and she might not see that this love was why he'd chosen to leave her in their care.

"We need to…" he quietly told her.

"I know," she replied, unmoved. When she did move to rise, he reached over, stalled her.

"You don't have to come. Might be better if you…"

"Lucas, I'm alright," she promised. No one had questioned her when she'd said she had to leave school at lunch, leaving them to find someone to watch her eighth graders, and now they'd been sitting out here, contemplating everything as calmly as they could, focused… But now he couldn't just ignore that this might be a strain on her and the babies… "It has to be both of us," she held his gaze, and he let out a breath. She was right, of course she was. It was going to be rough no matter how they went about this, but there were better ways, and their being united in all this… that was better.

They went and collected Jamie from his great grandparents. It seemed that, in the time since they'd brought him back there, Pappy Joe and Patty had been busy as much in entertaining the small boy as preparing for the evening to come, the evening… after… after they'd told Ava. Did they expect her to have much appetite? Maybe not, but if she was, then they'd have her covered. Small as their kitchen was, it was in full activity ahead of dinner.

"Hey, bud, want to go get your brother and Ava?" Lucas asked, and the two-year-old came dashing to him, chirping a combination of 'Elly,' and 'Noah,' and 'Ava,' of 'brother'… of 'sister.' Hearing him, the first time, to their knowledge, that he'd referred to Ava as his sister, with what they were about to have to tell her… Would it be a balm to her, if only a little? They'd never told him anything to suggest what she was or wasn't to him, to the rest of them, but she'd been living with them for weeks now, with no sign of her going away, so what was a boy small as him supposed to think?

It was not unheard of that they'd sometimes get Noah from preschool before heading to the elementary school for Elliott and Ava. He was doing a lot better now about being there without his big brother. He had his cousin and stuck most of the time with her, though he'd be friendly with the other kids, too. Today, when they went to pick him up, he was sitting in a corner by himself, with a very moody little face, arms crossed and giving off the impression that he did not like having to sit there while the other kids were playing. When he saw his parents and little brother coming along, he scrambled to rise and stopped again, looking over to Miss Alma. He knew he had been told to stay there, but his family was here, so could he go? Jamie didn't seem overly concerned with this. He just saw his brother and took off running toward him and sat with him, hugged him with his little toddler arms. It brightened Noah's mood at once.

He'd been put in time out for pushing another boy. He'd done it for some valiant reason, defending his cousin Caitlin, but that did not exempt him from punishment, so there he sat. When he was told to come along, he did so, Jamie holding to his hand, with his eyes downturned. He knew he'd done something bad, and he didn't know how his parents were going to react. They wouldn't be able to not talk about it, but with what was ahead of them, they decided to simply collect him and go on their way.

They had only a short ride to the elementary school, and when they pulled up there, Maya and Lucas exchanged a look. They didn't want it all to come out right there, at the school, so they had to just… act normal. As though it was any other day. They couldn't overcompensate, misleading Ava with extra cheer. It would feel horrible to do in the moment, but it would be next to nothing when they actually planted her before the truth.

Both Elliott and Ava had apparently had good, busy days in school, enough so that they didn't actually have to do much in the way of not letting anything show. They just kept talking, the whole way back to the house. Lucas was driving, keeping an ear on their conversation, but then whenever he could, he would also share a look with Maya, in the passenger seat, hand at her belly as she would be, especially in times of distress. Her eyes were far away and filled with dread. She wanted so badly to protect Ava from this… but she couldn't.

When they arrived at the house, Pappy Joe and Patty were waiting on the porch. They collected the three boys and directed them into the house as casually as possible. Lucas was very thankful to them both right then. They knew as well as he did, if he could admit it to himself, that if they allowed themselves to go in the house and start on the usual afterschool routine with Ava and the boys, they would only back themselves into a so-called safe space, allowing themselves to not to submit the girl to the pain she had coming. Better that they get on with it now that they were here.

"Ava, wait," he told her before she could go and follow after the others. She looked at him. Maya was looking at him, too, and it was a wonder she hadn't started to cry. Her face looked like she might, enough so that she was doing nothing to draw Ava's attention to her. "We need to talk to you about something."

"Okay," Ava nodded, and Maya only looked more stricken. She trusted them. She had no idea… and Maya would have given just about anything to stop this from happening.

"We received an envelope today," Lucas started before deciding to crouch and take a knee, the better to be at Ava's eye level. "There were two letters inside, one for Maya and I and one for you, from your father." At the mention of a letter to her from her father, she started to brighten. He'd missed one, and that had never happened before. She'd been worried, even if she tried not to be, tried to tell herself that it was just late, so now that a letter had come, the initial thought was 'there, see, it was just late.'

But… But, just as soon as this thought tried to grab the spotlight, a whole other one forced its way up. They always said that Ava was very clever, and she'd shown it plenty of times. Just now, that cleverness was forcing her to consider the facts laid out before her, and for that, the idea that the letter was just late lost the very most of its footing. Instead, there was a far worse idea, and the more it climbed into the spotlight, the more it seemed as though everything she saw was backing it up. A letter to the Friars joined with hers, which did not come when it was expected, that was already something. But the way Lucas had addressed her, the way he looked at her now, even if he tried not to give so much away… He was going to say it, but it had reached his eyes first, and… Ava turned her head to look at Maya, found the stare of sorrow, and then she knew.

"He left, didn't he?" she flatly asked, turning back to Lucas. Maya put her hands on Ava's shoulders. Lucas offered out his hands, and Ava gave him hers.

"He did," he told her. She deserved this much direct honesty. "He's asked us to continue looking after you," Lucas explained. "And we're going to do that, okay?"

There'd been no question about it, no question of shuffling her off to someone else. They would get in touch with her uncle, and he would be more than welcome in their house, unlike at the Nash house, and unless he was intent on gaining custody of his niece, the Friars would see to doing everything they needed to do to get Ava to feel that she was home, more than she already was, in what had been meant to be a temporary situation. A lot of things would still need to be looked into and discussed, and they would have to get in touch with Bill Nash's attorney for more details, but just now the only thing that mattered was Ava and making her feel safe, letting her understand that they had her back, all the way.

"Okay…" Ava quietly told Lucas, letting go of one of his hands as she felt her eyes tearing up. She batted at the tears, tried to blink them away.

"You cry if you need to, Ava," Lucas told her. "As quiet or loud as you need to, whatever you need to let out, you let it out."

She moved to wrap her arms around his neck and bury her face in his shoulder, so suddenly that he ended up sitting on the ground as she just about crumpled in his hold, body wracked with sobs. He'd told her to be loud if she needed to be, and she was, enough so that in no time the boys could be seen back in the doorway, puzzled looks on their little faces. Pappy Joe and Patty were there, too, and they took a moment to spy the scene before working to usher their great grandsons back inside, leaving them be.

Maya had a harder time of getting there, but she managed to lower herself to sit there at Lucas' side, tipping her head against Ava's and adding her hand at her back. She instructed her to breathe in what way she could, and she knew that, for all she was feeling at the moment, Ava could hear her, and she might have had trouble doing as told, but at least part of her was trying. In time, she'd simply cried herself out, down to hiccups before finally just falling asleep.

Mr. Oswald from across the road must have heard them, seen the three of them sat there on the ground. He was sort of hovering near his mailbox, some distance away. With Ava asleep, Lucas figured he might need a hand, so he signaled to the man, who quickly made his way over. He helped Maya get back on to her feet and both of them safeguarded Lucas as he got up, holding to the sleeping eleven-year-old all the while as he tried not to make his back flare up. As Maya briefly explained what was going on to their neighbor, Lucas carried Ava into the house and up the stairs. The boys were very likely back at the senior Friars' house, so they weren't around as he went by, but the dogs definitely were. Sirius tailed Lucas all the way into the room where Ava could be lowered on to her bed, and then he climbed up to rest with her. Asleep as she was, Ava felt the fluffy, warm presence, and she seemed calmed for it.

"Thanks, bud," Lucas whispered, petting the dog. After a moment, looking at her, he reached to brush an auburn curl from Ava's forehead and leaned to press a kiss to it. There'd been no question that they would keep her, that she'd be with them from here on out, and somewhere between the many minutes he'd sat holding her with Maya, down on the ground, or now, as he got her as comfortable as he could, carefully removing her shoes, covering her with a blanket, he knew that if she were to stay with them, if she were to… to become their daughter… it would be a very wonderful thing, despite the way it had come to happen to either one of them.

It wouldn't be that simple though, would it? If both he and Maya cared for her as much as they did, then what they'd want for her, more than anything, would be for her to be reunited with her father. But… But they didn't know where he'd gone, or if they'd be hearing from him anytime soon. How long were they supposed to wait before they decided to move forward with their lives, with hers, before they counted her as part of the family and not simply a girl they were raising?

Downstairs, after speaking to Mr. Oswald, Maya went to see to the boys, so they might come back to the house with their great grandparents and see to the dinner that had been prepared by the senior Friars. It hadn't been so easy to just keep them distracted, not once they had come upon Ava crying the way she'd been crying, there with their parents. When Maya got to the little house, the three boys were piled in tight on the couch, quietly watching television. They only moved from there once they saw their mother. Up they came, hugging around her with their ears to her belly.

"What's wrong with Ava?" Elliott asked, looking up. Maya opened her mouth to reply, paused a moment. How could she explain this?

"Ava's father had to go away," she started. They looked at her, further confused. Hadn't he done that already? "Further away," she specified, then, "And he might not come back… for a long time." The added part felt more like her own need to give Ava hope, even if the girl could not hear her. "So, Ava is going to live with us, maybe… maybe forever," she told them. Was it wrong to frame it this way? She didn't want them to misinterpret this. As she imagined, the idea of Ava staying with them for good was received as a very good thing. She didn't want to take their joy from them, but she had to be sure they understood. "Later, she could be okay, but right now she is very sad. She didn't want her father to go away, you see?" They nodded. "She needs time to not feel so sad anymore, so we're going to do our best to give her that time, alright? If she doesn't want to play, you have to let her not play, okay? Sometimes, it just helps to be nearby, so she knows she's not alone."

"Don't like being alone," Noah shook his head.

"I know you don't, Bee," Maya cradled the back of his head. "None of us do."

They didn't like the idea of leaving her up there on her own, but they also figured it was better for her to sleep on while she could. And she has Sirius. The rest of them would have dinner, which was forced to be a slightly quiet affair by circumstances. They were all thinking about Ava. Here, they got the story of Noah's timeout back at preschool, and they talked to him, to make him understand that there were other ways, better ways, to deal with a problem like the one his cousin had had back there. Pushing or hitting were not the right ones. Noah didn't say anything in return, but it was the kind of silence that resonated for them, the one that said that four-year-old was having to cope with the fact that he'd done something he knew to be wrong but still struggled to process. He'd be alright in time.

When dinner was over, Maya went upstairs to check on Ava. She found her awake, not sure for how long. She was still lying in bed, quietly brushing at Sirius' back. Maya stopped in the doorway, waiting. Ava's eyes momentarily flickered toward her, showing she was aware of her presence.

"Are you hungry? We saved your plate, just need to warm it up," Maya let her know. Ava didn't reply, though the way she pressed her lips together suggested that while she didn't feel like eating, she could feel the hunger in her. "If you want something else, we'll fix that up for you. Doesn't have to be dinner. Cake works, or ice cream… Cake and ice cream, I'm a big fan." Ava still didn't speak, but she slowly sat up, pulling her legs in. Sirius stayed with her, but he moved in, too, as though he grasped that she was trying to open space for Maya to come and sit. Once she did, the dog came to nuzzle at her belly, greeting the unborn twins. "Good nose there, Sirius," she chuckled before turning her head back to Ava, explaining. "They're kicking." Ava reached over, and Maya directed her hand. For a few moments, they remained this way, just feeling at the movements.

"It's my fault," Ava finally spoke, voice coming small and a bit rough from crying earlier.

"What?" Maya blinked. "Ava, no…"

"I kept telling him how happy I am here. I just wanted him to know that I was okay, so he wouldn't worry, so he could get better and… come home… Maybe he thought he didn't need to, because of what I told him."

"That's not…" Maya started, then paused. It wasn't completely wrong, was it? "It wasn't your letters that did it, okay? I promise. I don't know what he wrote to you, but maybe he'll have explained…"

"I don't want it," Ava cut in, not harsh, but determined. She took a breath, let it out. "I don't want to read it, not now."

"That's okay. We'll hold on to it for you until you're ready."

"What happens now?"

"Well…" There was no point keeping it from her. "Your father has put your house up for sale. The money will be put into an account, for your care, some of it for your college fund… So, whenever you're ready, we should go back there, so you can get the rest of your things and… anything else you'd like to hold on to, okay?"

It was a lot. She didn't speak for a while, just stayed sitting there, petting the dog with one hand, leaving the other in case she felt more movements from the twins. Maya wasn't going to start talking about any other plans, about what would be her permanent space. The babies, when they came, would stay in the room across the hall, with their parents, but after that… They'd have to figure it all out. Not today.

"We are more than happy to have you here with us," Maya went on. "Me, and Lucas, Elliott, Noah, and Jamie… these guys right here," she indicated her belly. "Pappy Joe and Patty, and the cats, and Trix and Lou… I think this guy right here might be happiest of all," she looked to Sirius, who gave a tongue-lolling smile toward the girl, pulling a timid, shaking smile from her. After a few moments, she moved and embraced Maya, who embraced her back. She didn't need to say 'I've been where you are.' She knew, and she was thankful for this bond between them.

'Dinner' for Ava turned into cookies and ice cream. She wasn't about to leave the others out of this, so for this special occasion, the boys got a second, more significant dessert. Seeing them gather near Ava, their parents could see that Maya's explanation earlier had sunk in. They were not speaking over one another, only staying near to her and showing that she was not alone. She thanked them by showing them her favorite way to eat cookies and ice cream, which was to make a sandwich of it all. Messy as it got, it would be a memory they would turn back to in years to come. It would be a memory of the night they had welcomed Ava into the family.

TO BE CONTINUED

See you tomorrow! - mooners