When will the pain end?
How long will the grief go on?
These were questions he asked himself a hundred times a day since she died. Unfortunately he never got an answer to either of them. The pain and grief were always with him. They held on no matter how much he tried to overcome them. It was especially difficult at night. During the day he could distract himself or at least try to - with various activities. His days were filled with teaching, grading papers, house work, grocery shopping, and spending time with his grandchildren. But the nights? The nights were the cruelest of all.
He was in their bedroom sitting in the window seat looking out at the night sky. It was breathtaking. It seemed like a million stars were shining down on the earth. 'She would have loved this.' he smiled. A tear trickled down his cheek and he wiped it away. 'She should be here! We should be cuddling up and telling each other what we thought the stars looked like!' But instead she was gone and he was all alone.
"Angela. My sweet Angela. What am I going to do without you?!"
He turned away from the window and looked around the room. So many memories invaded his mind. The fireplace. Oh the fireplace where they had some of their most intimate moments. They had made love countless times wrapped in one of her many afghans she had made while they were living in Iowa. He shook his head at all the afghans she had made. Not only because it had been a little extreme but because he should have known something was wrong. His Angela wasn't a knitter or a painter. She was a business woman through and through. Luckily they had managed to give some of the afghans away. Mona,Jonathan, Hank and Sam, Mrs Rossini, Wendy and Herb, Paul and Isabelle, and Joe and Fran had all received them for Christmas presents. And when one of their grandchildren were born they received a special gift from their Grandma Angela. Now however, he wished he had them all back. He wanted to wrap himself up in them. But, he knew that would be selfish of him. After all he wasn't the one who had lost her.
He looked at the bed next. He smiled softly yet sadly. So many precious memories of the two of them. The tears fell from his eyes as he recalled all the times they had made love, talked over their respective day, cuddled up and watched the rain or snow fall outside the window, or had a lazy Sunday morning reading the paper and doing the Sunday crossword puzzle together. He got up and went over to his nightstand and grabbed a handful of kleenex. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose and went into the bathroom to throw them away when he was engulfed with more memories. He saw the two of them giggling and sipping champagne while taking a bubble bath together. He saw them making love in the shower while the water rained down on them. He could still smell her natural scent. He could still taste her sugary tasting lips, and he could still feel her silky skin. He ached for her. And not just physically. His heart and soul did too. After all she had been his true love and his soul mate. But, she was gone. And the silence mocked him.
He walked out of the bathroom and looked at the painting that was hanging above the bed. It was the painting he had bought for her when they were dating. To this day he still didn't know what the hell it was but she had loved it. So he had hung it over their bed for her. He remembered how touched she had been. She had squealed in her cute Angela way and hugged and kissed him until he was breathless. It was at that moment that another idea had come to him. It had been a promise he had made to her while they were dating. Actually it was a promise he had made to himself years before. So one day while she was at work he had worked on her surprise and when she arrived home he told her that he had a surprise for her up in their room…..
FLASHBACK:
Tony ran down the stairs when he heard Angela and Mona arrive home from work.
"Hello Mrs Micelli." he grinned.
"Hello to you too Mr Micelli." she grinned back.
Mona rolled her eyes. "Well I see the two of you are going to get all lovey dovey so I am out of here."
"Okay. Bye Mother." Angela said never taking her eyes off of Tony.
"Have a good night Mona." Tony said his own eyes fixated on his beautiful wife.
Mona walked away shaking her head. "Well at least I got some acknowledgement." she mumbled to herself and walked out the patio door.
Tony took Angela in his arms and gave her a deep and passionate kiss.
"I missed you."
"I missed you too." she giggled and wiped her lipstick off him.
"And because I missed you and love you so much I have a surprise for you up in our bedroom."
She raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? Will you at least make me dinner afterwards?"
He groaned and held out his hand for her to take. "No, not that. Well at least not now. But later. Definitely later." he said and gave her a look that made her heart beat faster and her toes curl. Not wanting him to one up her she gave him her own look back that caused him to swallow hard and his own heart to beat faster. They grinned at each other as their respective looks overcame them and they recalled all the times over the years they shared their special look. It was something they had never experienced with another person. It was simply theirs.
They walked upstairs together hand in hand until they reached their bedroom. He opened the door and ushered her in and closed the door behind them. She looked around the room but didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
"Okay, I don't see anything."
"Well, I'll give you a hint. Anthony and Ingrid. Make Out Rock."
"Kissing Rock!"
"Okay, fine. Kissing Rock. Do you remember what I did after you and I kissed at camp?"
She smiled. "Yeah, you carved our names in the rock. Well Anthony and Ingrid."
He nodded. "And when we were thinking of selling the house I told you I wanted a place where I could carve Tony Loves Angela."
She nodded the tears welling up in her eyes as the meaning became clear.
"Tony? Did you?"
He smiled and led her to the window seat. There carved into the wood were the words:
TONY LOVES ANGELA.
To make it even more romantic he had even carved a giant heart around the words. She knelt down and traced her fingers over the inscription. The tears flowed down her cheeks.
"So do you like it?" he asked and knelt down beside her.
"Like it? Tony, I love it!. And I love you too."
"I love you." he said softly and wiped her tears away. They leaned in and kissed each other and their shared love and passion overcame them. He trailed kisses down her neck while she ran her fingers through his hair. He slowly unbuttoned her blouse, kissing and caressing every inch. She in turn freed him of his t-shirt and returned the favor. He lowered her to the floor and removed her bra skirt, and heels, leaving her only wearing her panties. Those were quickly discarded too leaving her naked before him.
"Beautiful." he whispered gazing hungrily at her.
Her face lit up. She loved the way he looked at her when she was naked before him. With desire, hunger, and passion. She hooked her finger at him to bring him closer.. He obliged and kissed her deeply. She could feel his erection against her thigh.
"Tony? I think later is now." she gasped.
He grinned at her and quickly removed his shoes, socks, and his jeans. He kept his boxers on because he knew she would want the pleasure for herself. She obliged by sitting up and grasping the sides of his boxers and pulling them down revealing his erection. He quickly discarded them and he lowered her to the floor once more.
He kissed, caressed, and licked every inch of her until she was shaking with ecstasy.
"Tony?"
"Hmm?"
"Now."
He needed no more hints. He slipped into her, thrusting away. He grasped her hands in his and placed them above their heads. Warm and soft. Hot and hard. They fit perfectly together.
END FLASHBACK
Tony wiped his eyes as he remembered that day. It had been one of the most amazing and wonderful moments they had shared since they got married. And they would never have those moments again. All he had now was silence.
He sat down on the bed and looked over at her nightstand. Her glasses and various hair ribbons were scattered across the top. He knew he should get rid of them-after all what was he going to do with a pair of glasses he would never wear and a bunch of hair ribbons? But, they were hers and getting rid of anything of hers pained him. He still recalled the day he arrived home from work and found some of their friends in their bedroom packing up Angela's things.
And how angry he had gotten.