That night, Patroclus seemed relieved. It was his feast the next day, and he did not have to worry about his future. We laid outside after dinner as Selene's chariot arose above the horizon. The cool wind tempered down the warm night and the stars and constellations started to show in the darkening sky. I turned towards Patroclus. He did not see me turn. He focused on the sky and enjoyed seeing the constellations. He pointed out some to me and told me how and why the gods made them. I knew some already but did not want him to stop.

I did not listen to him, and now I am ashamed to say that. I remember looking at him, his face full of awe and excitement. His eyes' brightness contrasted again his dark skin. His contagious joy forced me to want to be closer, to be encompassed by his aura of knowledge and warmth, for me to be close enough to feel his breath against my own. For my lips to absorb his words as they left his mouth, mine surrounding his…

"And that is the crown which Lord Dionysus scattered into the sky after that braggart and imbecile Theseus…are you listening to me, Achilles?"

I broke myself out of the fantasy. He glared at me, clearly perturbed by my fantasizing about…kissing him? Wait, did he know? I do not know why I thought it!

"Forgive me for asking, but what is more interesting than the Northern Crown to the great Achilles?" He asked amusingly but with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Uh, I was thinking about how enrapt with awe you were. It was admirable." It was not a lie, but it was not the direct truth.

This was enough for him. He turned back towards the sky and remained quiet for a while. I sat up and looked at him. His face seemed redder, but I could not tell, since night was falling. With the grace of hindsight…I was very naïve. I started to speak again.

"When we return back to Pythia, I will have to show you so much!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah! I have so many places that are great to play and train in! I cannot wait. We will be leaving in two days' time and…Patroclus, will you miss this land?" I inquired, realizing that my excitement shadowed over a concern. "You will be exiled from this land, the land you called home since birth. Would you miss it? The relationship with your father, notwithstanding, of course?" I added hastily.

He sighed again.

"What I missed most, or would have missed most, have already been taken from me or can be satisfied elsewhere. My mother and sister are down in the depths of the Underworld already. You have noticed my lack of friends and other relations would not hinder me from leaving. But the land itself? I…possibly? The mountains I grew to love have cousins in your land. The winds that blow here blow there. The waves that go from the beaches here presumably crash on your shores. Why should I miss a land where everything it has that I leave appears before me when I arrive elsewhere?"

He turned to me and looked directly at me.

"I would not miss this land. If I were raised to rule, and have it sown into my blood and very being, I would. Father always planned to disinherit me, I think. Hence why he never prepared me to rule. Good kings are made, not born. Alas, I was not expected to be the former because my father detested the latter."

He turned away again. Yet, he continued to speak.

"Tomorrow night, I will be the favored son. What I thought I desired my entire life. I will be adorned with gold and silver, enrobed in royalty. People will bow to me as king, ask for my blessings upon them. People will make offers to me for me to bend my mercy and inspire my wrath. I will use tomorrow to placate that desire, and then snuff it out. It will be my one night of what should have been, but not meant to be…. Good riddance. I will always appreciate the taste of the life many yearn to have, but none who have wish to possess. "

He spat onto the ground.

"Achilles, royalty changes a man. Atlas bearing the sky on his shoulders is nothing compared to the duties of mortal royalty. Every moment means a decision. Whose chicken does this belong too? Who decides how much the man needs in restitution? Who to marry? Who to send off to war? Should we go to war? How should this criminal die? Atlas does not have to deal with the whims of subjects. He stands forever, bearing up the sky. A king stands for his life, bearing the land of his ancestors while hearing the pleas of his subjects: begging him not to drop. At least Atlas stands in sweet silence."

I kept staring, agog. He truly was the smartest person I ever met. Every word was true, every thought an epiphany.

"But I digress. I keep going on like this. Achilles, I am taking up the entire conversation. I apologize for me speaking so…"

"Do not apologize." I ordered. "Never apologize: your words are inspirational. I have never heard better than those that are lucky to cross your lips." Hopefully, my own lips will be lucky to taste his…STOP IT.

Patroclus turned away, and we both laid in silence. He stood, facing away from me.

"I will be packed by noon. Before I arrive at the party, I would like all my wares, belongings, and clothes on the ships back to Pythia. I do not want to sleep in my chambers tomorrow night. I will sleep on the ship. I will not say goodbye to Father in the morning and give him the satisfaction of formally exiling me. Good night."

He walked away into the palace.

I remained outside, staring up at the stars, wondering what was going on in my mind. Orion was above my head, Sirius following behind. He was chasing the Pleiades, as he had in life before Lady Artemis ever befriended the man. Lord Apollo killed him out of jealousy of their friendship…or something more? I heard the tale multiple times in multiple ways, but all versions end the same: he ends up in the sky, circling the world for eternity. His faithful hound behind him. Wherever Patroclus went, I now wanted to follow him like a dog.

Why?

I could not find him the next morning. I checked his quarters: they were empty. I checked the servants' quarters, the house, the stables, the kitchens, and the main hall. Nowhere to be found. I went to Father at the ships to ask if he had seen him.

"No, my son. Palace servants bought his parting gifts, his wares, his clothes, all that he has. They put it on the ships. We are ready to sail once the feast is done. I have not seen him yet. He is saying goodbye to his father?"

I knew he would not wish his father farewell, but if he had compelled to say goodbye, I did know where he was and to who…

No.

I stopped and thought.

You thought yesterday your obsession with him made you want to follow him like a dog. That is very unbecoming of you. You are not an animal; he is not to control you.

I wondered where these thoughts were being thought: if they were my own or a god's, whispering into my ear. I knew Mother would not do so; she would rather see me face to face.

You are destined for greatness, even immortality: would you throw that away for him? You cannot stop thinking about him. He is an obsession, a fad. Unimportant.

The voice did raise a good point. I need to be independent, not needing others to exist. It was clearly wrong on him being important, but was I spending too much time and energy focusing on him?

For the rest of the day, I did not look for him. I even ate my midday meal alone, remembering my duties back home and how I had to return and catch up on them. At sunset, my father and I reunited and dressed for the dinner.

We walked and our relationship as father and son was rekindled. I learned anew about his youth, his own perils, and his own misdeeds. He answered any question I had with fervor. He gave advice on my own situations back in Pythia. The sole exception was about my Mother. He refused to answer any questions about how they met or became husband and wife.

"When you are old enough, you will know." He would say.

"Father, am I not old enough now?" I joked.

He stopped and knelt down to look me in the eye. I smelt his breath, felt its warmth.

"Achilles, each day you grow older than you were the day before. Those days add up to years and then decades fast enough. Do not ever hope to grow up and eschew what precious gift you have now: time.

When he arose, he looked ahead and started walking.

"There are some things even a king is ashamed of." He murmured.

"You are ashamed of how Mother and you met?" I inquired.

"Not necessarily…but you are not old enough to ask." He shoved me, jokingly.

"Father, I am clearly older than I was when I asked a few minutes ago!" I replied back with jest.

"I praise your attempt, young man."

"Hey Achilles, there you are!"

I turned and saw Patroclus a distance away from me. He was waving me down, smiling.

I realized my obsession was because his friendship was infectious, his smile was delight itself. He was so optimistic and wonderfully joyous. Everywhere he went, the mood changed. I resolved then I would never consider spending too much time and energy on him again.

I was naïve. But naivety and youthfulness are the same.

With the powers of hindsight and reflection…I should have known.

I loved him.

No…I love him.