Chapter 10: Show and Tell

The guest bedroom Nora had been provided with was modest but pretty. Everything in and about the Azumabito estate was pretty. In such a way that she didn't feel all too comfortable moving around here, in fear of going somewhere she wasn't supposed to be, or knocking down an ancient, expensive vase or something.

But this room was safe. And, most importantly, she had it all to herself. She lay down in bed with a heavy sigh of relief, relaxing for the first time since the start of the trip. At least somewhat.

There'd always been people around, on the ship. No privacy. Shared bedrooms, separated by gender. As much as she was fond of Hange and the girls, two weeks of that came decently close to pure horror. Her own nightmares and general troubles with sleeping aside, Hange talked. A lot. Even in her sleep. Sasha snored. And Mikasa could fall asleep in a wink and in turn got up at unreasonably early hours, leaving the room for a morning jog around the deck or something equally demented, waking Nora in the process after she had managed to doze off only two or three hours before.

Suffice it to say, Nora valued—no, direly needed—her alone time. Though, and that was really the main issue here, she preferred to be 'alone' with Levi around. Without him, that constant undercurrent of dread occupying her mind and nagging at her insides became unmanageable, impossible to get even a short reprieve from. How was she supposed to sleep like this?

But they were soldiers, Hizuru's esteemed guests, and not… married or anything. So, separate rooms it was; even now, when she had her privacy back. They didn't really know Hizuru's customs regarding… well, intimate relationships out of wedlock. No one in the Survey Corps might care, but inside the Walls, unmarried couples living together were usually frowned upon, or, in nobler circles, outright shunned, even.

She must know. Thanks to her father's family background, Nora's parents had never gotten to marry or openly be with each other, and he'd been disposed of before he was able to change anything about the situation—or reveal any of the royal government's fucked-up secrets, for that matter. Just another person who had been tortured to death for his dedication to the truth.

So, from early childhood on, she'd been a half-orphan and the daughter of a woman who had never been married, and thus Nora was no stranger to the word "bastard" whispered in the neighbourhood when she walked by. Or in the classroom, thrown directly in her face. She had never understood what their fucking problem was when in reality, those hypocrites screwed around however much they felt like, not giving a rat's arse about their stupid societal conventions so long as they kept up appearances.

Anyway, the point was that sharing a bedroom with her captain might not be what Kiyomi Azumabito considered proper, for all they knew about Hizuru's culture. And if they wanted to be invited again, they shouldn't be rude or cause any trouble.

If it could be prevented. Trouble tended to find the Survey Corps, and it was no surprise, considering they went out of their way looking for it.

But… damn it, Nora missed him, and this charade seemed plain ridiculous. Falling asleep without Levi next to her was particularly difficult, and waking up without him sucked, and hell, she hadn't had sex with him since they'd left Paradis, and it already felt like an eternity. This was easily the longest dry spell they'd had since that whole thing between them had started. Without any opportunity to relieve the pent-up stress and tension, she was getting really… twitchy. Being around him during the day, with all the others, made it better and so much worse at the same time.

In the past, Nora had never considered herself a physical person, but knowing him had taught her a thing or two about herself. He seemed to be the exception to all of her rules.

Her restless mind drifted to the very few nightly conversations and kisses they'd managed to sneak in during the strenuous journey. While that train of thought was preferable to anxious rumination on their little, potentially deadly 'vacation', the suggestive remarks he'd dropped on those occasions were really not helping with her current predicament. And how he had looked at her… serious as always, but that steely glint in his eyes…

It had been hard, hungry. Alive.

Shit, but that man knew how to make her suffer and still have her long for more. Just remembering was enough for her to surpass 'twitchy' and enter more desperate territory.

The obvious, temporary solution to the problem was insufficient, nothing more than a bad compromise, but still all that was available to her at the moment, and hard to resist now that she had at least her privacy back. So, she sneaked a hand under her blanket, slowly sliding it over her chest, her abdomen. Lastly, beneath the hem of her nightshirt, between her legs. Nora let out a breathy sigh as her fingers danced lightly over her sensitive flesh, imaging they were his, imagining him.

Her imagination wasn't all that convincing, but she had so much material from her rather detail-oriented memory to work with, and her mind soon was filled with titillating thoughts and vivid imagery of him. Her muscles tightened and her breathing grew shallow as she worked herself up, and before long, desire was flowing hot and thick through her, and fuck, the things he'd done and said—

The door to her room opened with the softest sound of a handle being pressed down carefully. Just enough that she heard. Her heart gave a jolt and she jerked her hand from between her thighs, fiercely grateful she was covered up with a blanket. Instinctively, she clutched it at the seam, drawing it up to her neck as she first gaped, wide-eyed—then glared at Levi, who was already shutting the door as silently as he'd sneaked into her bedroom.

"Can't you knock?" she hissed between breaths that were coming decidedly too fast.

"What for? Because I might accidentally walk in on you naked?" Utterly unrepentant, he sauntered over to the bed, watching her, a slight crease between his brows. "Guess I should have waited outside for you to open the door so that someone walking by could have seen me."

"You just startled me, is all," she said, hoping she sounded normal, and added, for good measure, "Sarcastic bastard." Still, she scooted over a little to make room for him, heart fluttering, not even considering to mention that technically, he maybe shouldn't be here.

But Levi made no move to join her in the narrow bed, instead crossing his arms, simply observing her. The sleeves of his crisp white shirt were rolled up to his elbows.

"You seem awfully… on edge." The pitch of his voice dropped at the last two words, his gaze narrowing as she squirmed beneath his scrutiny. "Did I interrupt something?"

Shit. Sometimes, she was certain he just asked a question so he could read the answer from her face. Nora's eyes skittered from his shrewd expression to a point over his shoulder, developing a sudden interest in the cupboard at the opposite wall next to the door. Really, there wasn't much to look at in the small room, especially not with him standing right in front of her, seemingly taking up more space than any person of his height and stature should be able to. She grew hotter and antsier by the second.

His jaw set, eyes darkening as he seemed to come to a conclusion. He was looking at her like a cat would at a mouse beneath its claws. "You know, I think I have an idea what you were doing."

The sheets slipped from her fingers as he pulled them away and crawled over her, bringing one knee between hers, bracing his hands on the mattress at either side of her. Caging her in. Pitch-black strands of hair fell over his heavy-lidded eyes, lazily trailing down her body—as if he could see straight through the fabric of her nightgown—and back up to her face. He leaned in, closer and closer, until there were maybe three inches left between their faces and she could smell that delectable, soapy Levi-scent.

And he went in for the kill, his low baritone barely above a whisper. "Were you touching yourself?"

Of course. Of course, he'd see. Nobody knew better than him what she looked like when…

She couldn't decide if she was more embarrassed or aroused by his words, his voice; something low in her abdomen had tightened in answer, wound up as she already was, and she inwardly bid the pitiful remainder of her crumbling defences goodbye. He had her well and thoroughly cornered.

Nora brought her palm over her eyes. "A little," she admitted, only confirming what he already knew, anyway. Mercifully, Levi let her hide behind her hand.

That also meant she didn't see it coming when his lips skimmed hers, the touch feather-soft. She shuddered when he spoke, felt each syllable. "Tell me what you were thinking about."

He couldn't be serious. "Oh, for…" Nora dropped her hand from her face, casting her eyes to the ceiling. Despite her racing pulse and burning cheeks, she managed to keep her voice level. "Can we just not talk about it?"

This time, Levi wasn't merciful. "Are you holding back?" His lips thinned, curling up at one corner. "I thought that's not your style."

So, he was really going there, was he? After weeks they'd spent dancing around the subject; neither of them willing to push too far, dig too deep.

She responded to his provocation with a scowl. "Don't turn this back on me. Just like me, you're in no position to make demands on that matter."

"That's right, I'm not," he relented to her surprise. His hand traced the line of her collarbone, down her breastbone above the thin cloth, along the underside of her breast. The pace of her breathing accelerated, goosebumps breaking out all over her skin, the pressure inside her building. "I'm simply… asking you to tell me," he murmured, watching her through lowered, black lashes. Waited another three seconds, then added, very deliberately, "Please."

Damn him, he was fighting dirty. And it worked like a charm.

Nora gave a defeated sigh. "You. I was thinking about you. Obviously." She brought her hands below his open collar, fumbling open the buttons of his shirt. With a touch of defiance mixed into her frustration, she added, "It's been two weeks."

Levi drew a shuddering breath. "Shit, that's hot." His words shot through her like an electric shock, intensifying the throbbing between her legs. As if to entice her into sharing more mortifying details, he sat back on his heels and shrugged off his shirt, revealing the ridges of his abs, leading up his narrow waist to the smooth, hard plane of his chest, broadened by his back muscles, his torso gradually widening all the way up to his shoulders. The dim light from the lamp on the nightstand played over the contours of his lean yet powerful body in a way that made it absolutely impossible to look anywhere else.

This tactic was almost as effective as him saying please. It really, really had been too long.

He stayed on his knees, watching her face closely, observing her every reaction to him.

"Tell me what I did," Levi demanded, sliding a hand up her inner thigh, below the hem of her chemise. When she kept quiet, unable to speak through the knot in her throat and the apprehensive tension in her muscles from his touch, he inquired softly, "Was I doing… this?"

And his fingers traced her wet, swollen folds, his touch excruciatingly tender; up, back down. Teasing around her opening, sliding in just the tip of his finger. Hot shivers of pleasure ran through her, and she pressed her eyes and mouth shut for a moment, desperately trying to keep it together. But his hand paused like this, barely moving, just enough it was too much and too little at once.

Waiting. Waiting for an answer.

"Yes." It came out as a soft, high-pitched whimper.

He continued stroking her, rewarding her with soft, circling motions of his thumb exactly where she was most sensitive, using that specific amount of pressure that always made her want to tell him to please end this torture and beg him to keep going on exactly like that, both at the same time. Nora did neither, but she also didn't exactly keep quiet.

"What else?" he asked in a low voice, hoarse and unsteady.

But she just couldn't; she was too mortified or too turned on or both to say anything—her voice wasn't cooperating, her heart hammering against her throat. Instead, she rose to her knees to face him, and captured his lips with hers in a searing kiss. Showing him. He didn't seem to have any gripes with her method; he reciprocated with equal fervour, sliding his tongue into her mouth and along hers, driving her wild with his taste and feel. He hadn't interrupted his languorous caresses between her thighs even for a second, and it took all of Nora's self-restraint not to bear down on his touch and lose herself entirely; she wasn't done with showing him, yet. Her trembling fingers closed around his unoccupied hand and brought it to the cheek of her buttocks. She gave a firm squeeze over the back of his hand, and Levi adopted the gesture, digging his fingers into her backside. They gasped into each other's mouths.

His lips withdrew from hers, no more than an inch. "Wanna know what I've been thinking about?" he rasped, the words coming fast, blurring together. He paused for a breath, and then continued, slower, "I thought of that perfect, tight round ass of yours. A lot." His hand gripped said body part harder, kneading the soft flesh. Nora cursed under her breath, desperately holding onto the hard muscle of his arms. He pushed his finger deeper inside her, increasing the pressure, ground the heel of his palm against her. White burst across her vision, a drawn-out moan escaping her throat as she mindlessly bucked her hips into his touch.

She thought she might have heard him groan, but he withdrew both hands regardless—fuck, how cruel he could be—and dragged the fabric of her nightshirt up, discarding it in one swift movement.

And then his hands were on her again, gliding up her waist to cup her breasts. He flicked his thumbs over the sensitive, hardened peaks, and she felt it like a bolt of lightning, racing along her nerves and directly between her legs.

He leaned in, murmured into her ear, "And I thought of how, first chance I get, I'd eat you out and then fuck you until you forget everything except my name."

Nora might have whimpered a bit. So outrageously blunt, ruthlessly direct. So him. She couldn't possibly match that. No one could. Fleetingly, desperately, she wondered if she might be able to come from his words and voice alone.

Maybe she would, if she didn't take action, and immediately. Her hands flew to the buttons of his trousers. She got half of them undone before he stopped her, clasping her wrists.

"No. First things first." His eyes looked almost black, fastened on hers as they knelt, face to face. Before she could protest or ask, he made his meaning very clear on his own. "You can sit on my face, for all I care."

Fuck, but she felt those words everywhere. Her inner walls clenched around an emptiness that had become unbearable. It was all too much; she couldn't stand it any longer. She needed him inside her, immediately.

"Two weeks, Levi," she just said, half groan and half whine, straining against his grip.

"Sixteen days, you impatient brat," he corrected, voice deep and husky, but relented and let go of her wrists.

Something in Nora's chest gave a sharp tug, heightened her need, impossibly. "You kept count?" she managed, breathless, while she unbuttoned his trousers the rest of the way.

"I happen to have a good memory." He helped her pull them down together with his underwear, straightening his legs to cast the pieces of clothing over the edge of the bed to the floor, his movements impatient and efficient. The piercing intensity of his gaze contradicted his offhand response, made her even hotter. He took hold of her hips, dragged her up his thighs so she was straddling him. The way he handled her was rough, almost brutal. Thoughtless, but the opposite of uncaring.

Levi with all the drawers pulled out and turned over. It was unbearably sexy.

She sighed in relief when her bare thighs made contact with his, and they were face to face again, but even closer than before. Her shaking hand reached down between them; he hissed several select, delicious swear words as her fingers wrapped around him, began stroking him before she'd even made the conscious decision, slow and firm. And suddenly, watching how his expression became soft and unguarded in his pleasure, Nora found she did have a little patience left, after all.

It couldn't have been more than ten seconds until he regained some of his composure, clasping her wrist tightly with one hand, halting her movements. Although his eyes were hazy with lust, he managed to glare. "Stop messing around," he pressed out through clenched teeth, terse and strained.

He drew her upwards by her hips, bringing them chest to chest, the message clear and irresistible. There was nothing left for her but to comply. She lowered herself down on him, drawing out each exquisite second.

Slowly, he filled her, inch by inch. Their low, stifled moans intermingled. Fuck, how she had missed this; the exquisite stretching sensation, and him as close as he could possibly be, warm and hard inside and all around her.

Once he was as deep as he could go and as deep as she could take, she stilled, dropping her forehead to his. Pure, undiluted pleasure radiated from her centre to every last crevice, only enhanced by the slight, tantalising sting caused by him filling her up so completely. They held onto each other, their laboured breathing going in tandem, her nails digging into the taut muscle of his back. He was shaking in her arms, or she in his, she wasn't sure.

"Fuck me, this is… This isn't going to last all that long," he rasped, voice cracking.

"Definitely not," she gasped against his lips, and then she couldn't talk or think at all, because his hands splayed across her back urged her to move, setting a slow, deliberate pace that took all her willpower to hold it together for a bit longer, to revel in this as long as they could stand.

It was deliriously perfect.

They moved together, the passion building quickly just as they had predicted, their pace ever-changing with their dwindling self-control. Levi bit the soft skin on the crook of her neck, muffling a groan—a sound of pleasure and frustration and desperation all at once—and pressed her against him so tightly it nearly took away her breath, fusing them together even further.

Vaguely, Nora was aware she was babbling nonsense—yes, more, harder, please—urging him on even though she had better control over the way her hips rolled and ground down in his lap, and she was past caring about what she was saying because there was no space left for hiding, no space left for anything but sensation; heated skin flush against hers, and beneath her hands everywhere she touched. His lips, tongue, and teeth on her mouth, her jaw, her neck. His arm snaking around her waist and one hand gripping her hip, then her arse, dictating the rhythm in which she rocked against him. Surges of pleasure rising and expanding deep inside her, bringing her closer to her release with each motion.

She tumbled over the edge first and right into red-hot bliss, sinking her teeth into Levi's shoulder to stifle the noise escaping from her—leaving him with no other option than to follow suit. He buried his face in her hair, clutched her even harder as they rode it out together with jerky, unchecked movements, their rhythm lost, unneeded. As close as they could possibly be.

They came down slowly, so gloriously slowly, savouring what they had so direly missed to the very last moment.

Until finally, they were so spent they collapsed backwards in a boneless, trembling heap.

#

The only sound remaining was their rapid breathing. Occasionally, one of them would twitch with the aftershocks of ecstasy.

"That was… yes," Nora said, nestling her face in the crook of Levi's neck.

"Mmh," he answered. It was hard to tell from only one word that was more of a hum, but he sounded sleepy and content.

She could use some sleep, too, and she would probably even get it. For the first time in weeks, and on a foreign continent inhabited by people who despised them, Nora felt wholeheartedly at peace.

After a while, Levi shifted beneath her and sat up, uncharacteristically sluggish, reaching for his trousers nearby. He dug into one of the pockets, pulled out white tissues and handed her one.

"Thanks." Equally as unhurried as him, she knelt to clean herself up, taking the opportunity to point out the obvious. "You know, strictly spoken, you shouldn't be here."

"You don't say," he deadpanned, wiping himself off. Then, after a beat, something seemed to occur to him, and he threw her a shrewd, narrow-eyed glance. "Yet you happen to mention that only now."

"Naturally."

"Tsk. Horny brat." He took the tissues back, wrapped them in a third, clean one, and put them away.

Her lips twitched. "Might I remind you that you came to me."

"That only proves my point, seeing as you were already busy taking care of the matter yours—"

"I get it, I get it," Nora interrupted, gesticulating with both hands—everything to make him drop the subject—flushing once more.

She fluffed up the pillow just to have something to do. When she chanced a glance at him, however, she stilled. He was smiling. Really smiling. Closed lips curving into a full-blown grin; a mischievous, silvery glint in his eyes, crinkling at the corners.

Amusing himself at her expense. She was suddenly more than alright with that.

She could always recall precisely the last instance he had smiled because it happened so rarely. Hell, she hadn't even lost count of those precious few times—still in the single-digits—which was just another testament to her unhealthy obsession.

Oh, well. Too late to worry about that.

Levi's smile had faded, already, as short-lived as ever; he was silently observing whatever it was that was going on in her expression. Yet again, Nora got the distinct feeling that he was waiting for something; as if he knew what was going on inside her, as if he sensed her restlessness. Often, he seemed to know when there was something she wanted to say before even she did; this felt like one of those times.

She cleared her throat. "Will you stay the night?" There. That was a reasonable question.

Levi continued to stare for a few additional, excruciating seconds, either not noticing or simply not caring about her obvious discomfort. Eventually, he gave a nod. "I was planning to sneak out early."

She nodded, as well, feeling somewhat lighter around the chest, but still searching for something to do to dispel the awkwardness.

When she bent down to retrieve her sleepwear, he stopped her with his hand around her wrist. At her questioning look, he turned her so she faced away from him. Her stomach dropped as she felt his gaze run over her skin. He was very quiet. She had a good idea what he was looking at, but it wasn't like she could see her own back.

However, she could see the thin trails of steam rising between them, and the finger-shaped, purple marks at her hips, and she could also feel a dull sort of soreness around her ribcage. And at her bottom. It was faint, waning, inconsequential.

He didn't need to tell her that he had probably bruised her entire back, down to and including her buttocks. Maybe worse than all the times before, judging by her sore ribs. She certainly wasn't about to ask. No, it was probably wise not to say anything.

Nora surveyed him, tensing with apprehension, trying to suss out his mood. It was impossible to guess from his expression what exactly he was thinking, only that he was at least to some degree angry or distraught; his lips were a tight line, his frown firmly back in place.

Was he angry at her, or himself, or both? And how deep was she in trouble?

Then again, they'd already been through this. It had just happened on its own, as out of her control as it seemed to have been out of his. They'd both been so far gone, she hadn't even realised…

By the time Levi finally let go of her, what little pain had been there was gone.

"That's what two weeks look like," he said, so quietly she almost didn't understand him.

"Sixteen days," she muttered.

"Are you satisfied now?" His tone was blank, almost casual, revealing exactly nothing. It seemed like he expected a straight answer to the question.

She pulled her nightshirt back on. "Very," she said, calm and honest, even as her stomach knotted with worry. Her satisfaction depended entirely on his feelings about the matter, after all. He didn't immediately lash out at her, which she took as a good sign. "And you?" she asked, her voice small.

He let out a resigned sigh, rolling his eyes—and just like that, the tension between them dissipated. "You know the answer to that, nutcase."

#

They lay down to rest, easing into a familiar, well-established routine. Nora curled into Levi's side beneath the blanket, sleepy, every muscle in her body relaxed. Safe. It felt strange, after having her guards up for a while, and always a bit wrong; as though it was foolish not to expect something bad could happen the next instant. Not that wasting mental energy on all kinds of what-if scenarios was any more reasonable.

Fear wasn't always reasonable.

But for now, her anxiety lay dormant. It never went away completely; she knew it was still there, but that didn't mean she always had to feel it. It was bloody exhausting, unproductive and useless, so she welcomed those occasional timeouts from near-constant existential dread. Levi tended to have that effect on her, especially when they were on their own, and touching. Like now. Like earlier. The stark contrast to her usual high-strung state was more staggering when she'd been deprived of the luxury for a while.

And once he had taken down her defences so thoroughly as he had tonight, got under her skin in every sense, it was hard to get them back up again; hard to keep her own thoughts and impulses and emotions in check, even.

"The other night, on the boat," she mumbled, "did you mean what you said?" The question just slipped out. But tonight had been… intense, and his words had been spinning around in her head for the past two weeks, with no opportunity to address and process them—other than that they were so profound to her she had a hard time believing she had heard him right. And she desperately wanted to believe.

"I always mean what I say, stupid." Even though he gave no indication, she suspected Levi knew what exactly she was referring to.

"Half the time, maybe. The other half you're being sarcastic."

He made a small, annoyed noise deep in his throat. "I clearly wasn't being sarcastic." He punctuated the last word with a flick to her forehead.

"Stop that." Nora raised her hand, rubbing at the spot, indignant—and at the same time relieved to have an excuse for the heat creeping into her cheeks.

"You're asking for it, brat." He propped himself up on one elbow and bent over her. His heavy-lidded gaze might have been interpreted as expressionless by most, but it was actually his version of contemplative.

A few seconds of this, and she had to avert her eyes from his piercing greys; he was truly unsettling, even to her, if in a very different way than he was to others.

"Nora." She flinched the tiniest bit at the sound of her name uttered by his low voice, slightly rougher than usual. An inquiry to look at him. He only spoke once she did, with some difficulty, huffing through her nose. "If you've got something to say, just spit it out." It was obvious he didn't just refer to the present moment.

Sometimes, he scared her shitless. How was she supposed to say whatever it was—and she felt it deep in her bones—that needed to be said, sooner or later? Most of it she couldn't even put into words in her head, let alone say them to his face.

But a little something came to mind, unbidden.

You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, too. And not only that. In fact, you're more important to me than anything else.

That was one of those unequivocal truths she actually had the words for, couldn't ignore; it was so obvious that it hurt. No way could she just tell him. She wasn't sure she could bear his reaction or non-reaction, neither of these two options, and she certainly didn't need him to tell her that her priorities were all screwed up.

War. Survival. Freedom. Fighting. Those should be at the forefront of her mind.

Nora swallowed, her throat tight. Still, she had to say something, for once, had to be at least half as outspoken with him as he was with her. She wanted to. He did have a point, calling her out on holding back. How could she wish for something from him she was too afraid to give, in return?

Maybe it was stupidly obvious, but maybe, some things needed to be said, or more precisely, heard. She knew she had needed to hear all the things he'd said.

Nora inhaled deeply, cupping his jaw with her hands, stroking her thumbs over his cheeks. They were slightly rough from beginning stubble. Levi gave an audible exhale through his nose, his lids dropping shut for a second. They were tinged with a dark, bluish grey, just like the circles beneath his eyes. He looked so, so fucking tired.

It gave her to courage to say, "I missed this. I missed you. Like crazy." Her muscles tensed up as she was overcome with an irrational urge to hide, and her exasperation with herself helped her press on. "Fucking hell, I know it's pathetic, I know I saw you every day, all day—but I really, really hate each night I have to spend without you."

His features softened beneath her touch, releasing a subtle, near-constant tension that only became noticeable once it went away. Those sharp, black brows smoothed, the crinkles around his eyes deepening, making her heart beat even faster.

"No use getting peeved over shit like that, brat. I should know. Because, for what it's worth…" He lowered his head, and grazed his lips across her cheek to her ear, her skin tingling. "I'm pathetic, too."

AN: Now that was a big one. Relationship development aside, this is my way of apologising for blueballing you for quite long. Especially back in chapter 6.

As fun as it was to write, and although I had this planned for a while, this cost me a bit of an effort to push through (thank you, Levi). I suppose that's what's needed so it turns out at least somewhat the way I wanted.