"So, let's recap." Izuku said, as their car parked in the lot near their apartment. "I have to marry that girl."
"Yes."
"And you want us to start dating in ten months."
"Correct."
"And by then I have to make sure I can join UA, make sure she joins UA, make sure we are in the same class – that by the way is not something I decide – spend the following three years trying to make sure we don't break up – or, in fact, that we can act like a couple at all – then marry her, have a child and live a happy life with her?"
"I never said anything about the happy life." His father replied. He glared at him with so much intensity that if he was X-less his father would have turned then and there in a colander. "I'm joking Izuku, I'm joking. But yes, that's what it will take you to save life. If you ask me, that's a better deal than just becoming a Hero, right?"
"Oh yes dad, my dream for the future was becoming the heir of a yakuza clan and marry the daughter of another mob boss, ignoring the law, my love for Heroes and the fact I might not even like her."
"You seemed to like her cleavage at least…" His father teased, and Izuku went bright red and squeaked.
"I-I didn't… I mean… I mean I…"
His father chuckled and Izuku grumbled. He was fairly sure no one had ever had a single day with so many highs and laws. A villain attack, All Might, another villain attack, One for All, his father being a mob boss…
Izuku froze. All Might. One for All. He had been so caught up in everything going on he had forgotten that his new teacher might not have taken well the idea of passing his Quirk to the son of a Yakuza leader. He groaned and started to hit his forehead lightly with his knuckles. 'How did I forget I'm supposed to be the heir of the number One Hero? How is that not the highlight of today?'
He was sure no one could possibly be having a worst night.
All for One sighed. "So, let's recap." He said, as he walked through Doctor Garaki's lab accompanied by Compress. "I had to remove Tomura as my heir, someone I had raised just for the role since he was five."
"You raised Tomura?" Compress asked.
"Of course. I think I did an excellent job; wouldn't you agree?"
Compress gave no answer, but All for One knew that was because the only obvious answer was yes. Sure, Shigaraki was a manchild that would throw a fit for anything going wrong, but that was all to make him a good villain, of course. Certainly not his failure.
"Anyway, after that I adopted a daughter that is…" He looked around, "Where is she exactly?"
"Last time I saw her, she was trying to suck Stain's blood from the car's carpet. I believe Dabi was bartering to convince her to at least go for the bloody seats instead." All for One scrounged his face in disgust. He was thankful sometimes that his thermal vision wasn't that precise. "Sir, wouldn't it have been better to adopt someone that wasn't so… uh…"
"That wasn't a blood-obsessed lunatic?"
"Yes."
"Ah, sure Compress, now let me check again in the long and comprehensive list of Villain teenage girls I can adopt that Giran sent me. No wait, why don't you help me look through it?" He opened his phone with a vocal order and had Compress check his e-mail.
"Sir this list only has Himiko in it."
"Of course it only has Himiko in it!"
Compress coughed in embarrassment. "Well, I'm sure you can be a great… educator… sir."
"Thank you, your words almost make me forget the fact you run over a serial killer I was planning to recruit." He said the last word in a tone so cold Compress felt chills run down his spine.
"I-In my defense, he fell from the sky in the middle of the road."
"Yes, that is why you are still employed, alive, and not in one of those tanks. Now, let's take care of our guest, right?"
Compress took a satisfyingly fast pace as the two walked out of the Noumu room and up the stairs, reaching the room the doctor had reserved for his new patient.
-x-
Stain was lying in a hospital bed. He didn't know exactly how that had happened, but he knew that couldn't be good. He looked left and right, trying to figure out what was going on. His leg was in a cast, and he had bandages covering his head. His clothes had been changed to a hospital gown, and of course that meant his weapons were all gone.
Ah, and he was also handcuffed to the hospital bed. Fascinating.
His hand reflexively searched for one of his hidden knives, but of course the police – because who else could this be? – had taken them all.
"I certainly hope you don't have another knife hidden somewhere, there aren't many places we didn't look into, and none of those are places that should hide one." A voice said from the door. He turned to his left to see a man walk in dressed in an elegant suit, a smile on his face. Or what remained of it. Stain thought he had experience with disfigurement, especially self-inflicted, but daaaamn son, what did you have to do to get half of your face replaced by scar tissue to the point your eye sockets and nasal cavity were just gone?
"Who are you?" He asked instead. His personal interest in the origin of those wounds could take a step back in the face of the end of his crusade.
"My name is All for One. You might have heard of me."
"I haven't."
All for one frowned. "Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Maybe think about it a bit more."
He did, but to no avail, "Doesn't ring any bells."
"Seriously? All for One? Shadow ruler of Japan? Leader of Japan's Criminal Underworld? The Big Bad Evil Guy?"
"Never heard of him."
"Well now you have so you better remember it." All for One growled, and Stain sighed. Yet another Villain wannabe, though maybe this one had at least some backing given the hospital hadn't called the Police apparently. Or maybe the hospital had called the Police and then All for One had arrived first. Hard to say.
"So, you wanted something?"
"Indeed, mister Akaguro." Stain froze, and he grunted as the other man smiled, "I have been following with interest your Hero Killer crusade. It was very entertaining."
"I'm not doing this for your entertainment."
"No you aren't, but I had a good laugh every time I saw the headlines on who you had killed. Although, if it wasn't for me so many of those good Quirks would have been wasted."
"What?"
"Nevermind that. Now, let's discuss our next move. You see, you owe me a favor, since I have saved your life."
He raised an eyebrow, trying to recall what might have happened to go from his – extremely cool, if he dared say so himself – roof jumping to the hospital. All that came back was a screeching sound and a blinding light. "What happened?"
"You were hurt."
"How?"
"Now that isn't really important." All for One handwaved the question and continued, "What matters is that you owe me if you are not in jail, and considering you also have a broken leg you will also owe me shelter for a while."
"I can walk it off."
"You really can't. You are probably not going to walk anywhere anytime soon with a leg broken in three separate points, including an exposed fracture, bruises all over and a wound on your forehead that will probably scar."
"What the hell did all that?"
"Now that isn't important, focus on what matters. You need to recover for a while, possibly far, far away from the streets and the Heroes. So, I will generously let you do it here. It should take about a year for rehabilitation and release."
"What?! I can't spend a whole year in a hospital!"
"Well, if you wanted I could expedite the process, for a deal."
Stain gritted his teeth. "So, I just have to make a deal with the Devil, uh?"
"Please, the Devil wishes he was this good."
Chizome gritted his teeth, considering all the ways he could try to kill All for One and get out of the hospital, but it came up blank. With an injured leg, he wouldn't even make it past the door. "Fine. What do you want?"
"To hire you."
Chizome sighed. Of course. "I won't go against my principles."
"Of course. Originally, I was planning to have you kill a few people, all rivals of my group, but now it seems there is a different reason to welcome you in my organization."
Stain listened, and as he did his face paled slightly. He bit his lip, heavily considering the idea of stabbing all for One with the needle of the I.V. drip, but before he could decide if that could work All for One extended his right hand. Stain stared at it, sighed, then awkwardly raised his handcuffed right hand. "Ahem…"
"Oh, right." All for one casually aimed a finger toward the handcuff and the lock exploded.
'What the fuck…' Stain had a very easy time imagining his head doing the same. Maybe that handshake was a good idea after all.
Five seconds and one Quirk use later, he was back up, the man using another, clearly different ability to heal him. As he walked outside, he was intercepted by someone that was probably the man's bodyguard. He just put an arm around his shoulder. "Call me Compress. Welcome to the circus." He whispered. Chizome had no idea how to take that.
-x-
The next morning, Izuku Midoriya woke up particularly early. The question of why he was up so early in a weekend dissolved a moment later as the shitshow commonly known as 'the day before' rushed back into his mind.
'Oh right, I have to meet All Might.'
'Oh right, I'm going to inherit his Quirk.'
'Oh right, my father is a yakuza leader.'
'Oh right, I have an arranged marriage with the daughter of a mob boss.'
He turned around, planted his face in the pillow and groaned loudly. "Whyyyyyyyyyyy…" He took a long minute to calm down. The worst part was, he couldn't even wish the day before was a dream, considering how the first important half went.
He sighed and got up, starting to dress up. At least things couldn't get any worse, right? He had already had his whole family history destroyed, his love life probably ruined if he wanted to save people – and oh God he was actually considering this long term – and having to decide if he should have told All Might who his father was.
That was the real problem, right? 'Oh hello All Might, I know we spoke yesterday about you giving me your Quirk, but I think you should know my father is the leader of a gang of thieves, murderers and other criminals. I'm sure that's fine.'
He held back from the temptation of bashing his head against the wall and just walked outside. His mother on Saturday morning was usually out of the house for groceries, and that was true that morning as well.
His father on the other hand was watching the tv in their living room. He waved to Izuku. "Good morning son."
"Don't talk to me." He grumbled back. Was it still a bad thing to talk back to your father if he was a criminal?
"Oh, don't be like that." The gangster replied, Izuku doing his best to ignore him, "Come on Izuku, don't act like it's the end of the world."
"Are you seriously doing this?"
"I'm just saying, this is a great opportunity for you."
"Dad, I'll be honest, I really wish I could erase last night from existence. Since I can't, the next best thing is erasing you from existence. So, I'm going to ignore you until you leave for the United States again."
"You do realize that will probably take months, right?"
"I can't hear you." He stubbornly downed a glass of milk and then, dressed in a grey tracksuit, and after putting on his gym shoes headed to the door.
"Izuku Midoriya, where do you think you are going?"
'Oh right, he might want an explanation for this.' "Uh, I'm going… training."
"With that mysterious trainer of yours?" The man asked.
Oh right, Izuku had blurted that out the night before, hadn't he? Honestly, his return home was kind of a blur since he had stormed into the house, said goodnight to his mother and then locked the room before falling asleep. "Yes." He replied.
"Good, let's go."
"Woah, wait wait wait, you are not coming with me!"
Hisashi chuckled, "Izuku, you are my son. I can't really let you hang out with someone that might have malicious intent."
"Are you for real? Why would anyone want to kidnap a Quirkless teenager?"
"Because that Quirkless teenager is the son of the leader of the Midoriya Clan." His father smiled reluctantly, "I assure you, I had my way to ensure your safety even before, and now I suppose I can be more hands on while I'm here, don't you think?"
Honestly, Izuku wondered what his father meant. There wouldn't have been anything to save him from the Sludge Villain, it just so happened All Might was hunting it. Then again, he had a point- no, bad Izuku, don't agree with the gangster. "Dad, I assure you he is not an evil person."
"I believe you Izuku." The man said, with the expression of a man that was pretending to agree with a four-years old on the sanitary safety of eating mud, "But please, just this once. If I think he can be trusted, I'll leave you to the training, but you must understand, we don't have any time to lose. Now that you have told All for One you will join the Hero Course at UA, the Clan is expected to make sure you do so. If you fail, it won't be just you that pays, but our name too." He put a hand on his shoulder, "You have to be a Hero, Izuku."
Izuku didn't know if that was something he had always wanted to hear or not. Granted, it was encouragement… of sort, he supposed. On the other hand, he now felt a part of himself push to fail the Entrance Exam and make the Clan look bad. It was a small part, though. Still, the real issue was this whole 'All Might and my father will meet' deal.
He sighed. There was no winning this, so he just nodded, prayed any god that would listen to make this go well, and his father accompanied him to the car. Kurodo was still sitting behind the wheel. Had he slept in the car or something?
"Where to sir?"
"Dagoba Beach." Izuku replied. His father and the driver exchanged a look, but after a moment Hisashi shrugged and they left the parking lot.
The road there was silent, mostly because any attempt Hisashi made to start a conversation was met by a wall of silence and indifference. Not that Izuku felt bad or anything about it, but it felt weird to ignore his father, when usually he couldn't wait to have him around in the flesh.
He felt a bit betrayed, to be honest. Not that he liked the idea of his father hiding the truth, but it had opened such a Pandora's Box regarding his family life – especially regarding his mom, and whether she knew or not – that he almost wished it had stayed closed.
Before he could reflect on the situation more, they stopped by the beach. It was a dump, the sand almost completely covered by trash. "Are you sure it's here?" Hisashi asked.
"I…"
"Good morning, young Izuku." A cheerful voice said, and the three turned to see All Might walk toward them. Well, really, this was Toshinori Yagi, the skeletal figure that could become the Symbol of Peace. Izuku didn't know if he should have felt relieved or not. On one side, explaining why the Number One Hero was training him could be weird, on the other mister Yagi looked, for lack of a better descriptor, suspiciously like a meth addict. Of course Izuku knew the sunken eyes, fragile frame and skeletal appearance were the result of the severe injury, but he couldn't exactly explain that to his father. "And good morning to you… Mister Midoriya, I presume." The Hero meanwhile continued, shaking his hand.
"…Ah-ah. Izuku, is he the man?"
"Y-Yes dad, this is mister Toshinori Yagi."
"… I see. Sir, might I ask you why you want to train my son?" He asked.
"Oh, of course. Pardon me." His hand went into his pocket and fished out a business card, that he handed to Hisashi, "My name is Toshinori Yagi, an assistant for the office of the Number One Hero, All Might. Your son's behavior yesterday reminded me of his exploit, and as you might know All Might was present there and privately complimented your son too. Therefore, I decided to offer Izuku the option to train."
Izuku's jaw didn't fall open, but did All Might just lie so casually? Wow. His whole image of the Number One Hero was cracking, if he was such a good liar. Then again, he realized a moment later, it made sense. He did have to hide the nature of his Quirk and his injury to the media all the time. Cover stories must have been a bit of a specialty for him.
His father didn't seem as impressed. "And might I ask what training you believe will allow him to join UA in ten months?"
"Yes." He fished out from another pocket a large pile of papers, "This was prepared by me and reviewed by All Might himself when I asked him the favor. It's the American Dream Plan. It means…"
"I work often in America, so I understand. Kurodo, what do you think?" Hisashi ended the plan to the driver, who quickly scanned every page.
"It's a solid training regimen, sir. It even includes a complete diet. At the very least, your son will come out healthier and, bluntly said, quite jacked." He also pointed to the final page, "It also has All Might's signature, so we can be sure that mister Yagi is telling the truth about his cooperation."
Izuku's hand moved at a speed that would have frankly seemed inhuman in any other situation, and snatched the page, before putting it in his pocket.
"… Izuku did you just steal All Might's signature?" Hisashi asked.
"… No?"
For a long second no one commented, then All Might coughed in his fist. "Very well, if there is nothing else…"
"Actually, sir, I have a question." Kurodo asked, "I see here that you mention weight training and then add a note that reads 'trash hauling'. Might I ask why trash specifically."
Toshinori nodded and started a rather idealistic, but somewhat sensible, explanation on the role of Heroes in society and why cleaning the beach would teach him the value of his job for the citizens. Izuku frankly didn't care that much. All Might could have told him to jump in a pool of lava and Izuku would have done it.
"Very well, it seems sensible. Did you agree on a payment?"
"No payment will be needed, mister Midoriya. I don't do this for the money."
Hisashi's eyes narrowed, "And why then?"
"Because young Midoriya has the potential of being a great Hero."
"Even if he is Quirkless?" His father's question was a punch in the gut. He knew rationally that Hisashi didn't mean anything by it, it was more of a statement to make sure Toshinori Yagi knew who he was training. But it still hurt a bit.
"I think he will surprise you, mister Midoriya." All Might replied, "I can assure you he will pass the exam."
Hisashi's eyes stayed on All Might's for a second, then he offered his hand to All Might. "In that case, Mister Yagi, my son is in your care for the next ten months or until he wishes to stop."
"Thank you." All Might took Hisashi's hand and shook it. Izuku cringed internally at the image of his favorite Hero shaking hands with a criminal. Ugh, this was so horrible.
As soon as the car left, All Might sighed in relief. "Uff, that was intense. Your father is pretty scary, young man."
Izuku froze, "Uuuuh…"
All Might started to chortle, some blood gushing from his mouth, "You know, his way of talking and acting reminded me of some yakuza leader I caught over the years, really scary people. He must love you a lot to appear so stern."
"Ahah, yeah, it's just that, definitely not a yakuza leader, ahahah." 'Kill me right now…' He thought while making the fakest laugh of his fourteen years of life, one worse than the time he laughed off Bakugou making his limited All Might 35th anniversary of Hero career pin explode. Luckily, All Might was laughing about it too, and quite loudly. 'Should I tell him?' He wondered, imagining All Might gently putting a hand on his shoulder and going 'It's going to be alright, son. In fact, why don't I adopt you? You will become the Hero All Might jr. and…'
"Oh yeah, that would be ridiculous, and of course we couldn't be having this conversation."
"Ahah- Come again?"
"Well, I mean, I trust you are a good child, and it would be unfortunate, but I couldn't really hand One for All to the son of a criminal syndicate that is entirely based on their family bonds. Not that a person like that can be a Hero in the first place, background checks would prevent it. But you aren't one, of course." He raised an eyebrow, "Is that surprising?"
Izuku shook his head, "Oh, no, no, it makes perfect sense." His mental image shattered in a million pieces and was replaced with the far less soothing image of All Might just leaving and organizing a raid on his apartment, with Endeavor burning down his room totally by accident. His poor action figures... 'Alright, maybe I can tell him when we know each other better, right? Once I'm sure he won't judge me based on my dad's business, right?' I mean, technically he wasn't lying, it's not like All Might ever asked him 'is your father a Yakuza boss?' or anything like that. And All Might had kept his identity and wound a secret, so maybe it was alright to keep some information himself, right? Right?
All Might nodded, "Well then, let's get started. It's going to be a long training period, but I am sure you are going to be great!"
Izuku sighed. At least it had gone well. The training was probably going to be the easy part compared to this.
-x-
Mustard was sitting in the meeting room, Himiko to his left. On the other side of the table, besides All for One – today hooked to a breathing machine, unlike the day before – and sitting close to him Compress. It seemed the magician had become the go-to bodyguard for All for One. And considering him and Himiko were here, that left Dabi with Shigaraki. His deepest condolences went to the fire user.
Or they would have if he wasn't busy thinking about his own situation. "I will join UA?!"
"Yes, I'm glad you understood the four-word sentence I just said." All for One replied with a condescending nod.
"B-But sir, my Quirk is no good for a Hero. I emit a gas that makes people lose consciousness."
"Like Midnight."
"A-And it affects a large area."
"Have you seen a serious Endeavor fight?"
"It's no use in combat against anyone that figures out what it does!"
At that All for One just laughed. "Mustard, even I admit there is more to being a Hero than brute force. The UA Principal is a genius, there is no way he would create a test that puts destructive Quirks at an advantage."
-x-
Nedzu felt his hears ring. He decided it was nothing much and returned to work. The robots this year were going to have a particularly sturdy armor, perfect to test any Quirk.
-x-
Somewhere else, a young teen with tall purple hair felt the need to punch a rat.
-x-
"I… Uhm… But even then, you can't be a Hero without some way to attack right? At least Himiko as her knives."
"That's true. Originally, my plan was to make you two fight Nomus day after day for the next ten months until you were strong enough…"
Mustard whimpered.
"But due to a lucky coincidence, I have found the perfect teacher."
He snapped his finger, and nothing happened. Grunting, All for One raised a hand. After a moment, Stain appeared next to him, vomiting some dark liquid. Himiko's eyes went wide in anticipation before she sagged back when she realized that was not blood but some sort of black sludge.
"What… The fuck…" The man gagged, "What was that?"
"Next time, I expect you to walk in when I call."
"You called?"
"I snapped my finger."
"The door was closed, you lunatic, how was I supposed to hear that?!"
All for One remained quiet for a moment, and then turned back to the two teens ignoring the question entirely. "This is your new teacher. I made sure he agreed to train you daily, so long that he is allowed to continue his… job. With Kurogiri's help, I am sure he will prove quite successful in it."
"You better hope so."
"You do realize now I can just teleport you back here with the Sludge, right?"
The masked man said nothing, but Mustard knew he needed to do something. He didn't want to go to a Hero School. He hated Hero schools! Unfortunately, right now his mind was going in a different direction.
"Oh my gosh, you are Stain!" He shouted, jumping up and shaking the hand of a bewildered serial killer.
"I… Yes?"
"I'm a huuuuge fan, sir! Everyone is like, 'become a Hero', 'be a great Hero', 'You should definitely be a Hero' and then you come back and just slash and cut and kill them and oh my god it's so cool!"
"Ah… I feel like my motive went a bit lost…"
"Please give me an autograph!"
"Alright, enough." All for One waved his hand and an invisible force sent Mustard back into his seat. Oh right, he was talking about joining UA.
Oh god, he was supposed to join UA. Oh god, UA's Sports Festival. Wait, UA's Sports Festival was his ticket out of this mess! "Sir, I ran away from home! I can't just reappear out of nowhere!"
"That is true. Jinta Hasano can't reappear out of nowhere. Which is why you are no longer Jinta Hasano."
"I'm not what?"
"You have been renamed and adopted, and your name is now Masutaro." He slid his new identity card to him, and Mustard grabbed it and stared at it in disbelief. Masutaro was indeed his new name, but his surname…
"Does that mean I have a new brother?" Himiko asked, "Because the other one kinda sucks."
"Don't talk like that about your brother, he is just... a person. But no, it would seem suspicious for a new son of mine to appear out of nowhere. Therefore, I chose a foolproof strategy." He pointed to Mr. Compress, "He is your father now."
"Yes I… Wait what?" The man did a 180, staring at All for One, who grinned.
"You signed the papers yourself."
"I didn't!"
"Yes, you did, yesterday night, after we returned."
"I signed a forged report for the insurance about the car damage yesterday night, not an adoption certificate!"
"Why, Compress, are you suggesting I used my Ink Control Quirk to modify the text of the documents you signed?"
Stain frowned, "Car damage?"
Compress coughed, "Nevermind that. I can't have a son!"
"Why, don't you think it's wonderful? My daughter and your son going to school together." He grinned. "Perfect chance to know each other more."
"This is for the car, isn't it?"
"I don't know what you are talking about."
"B-but…" Mustard's brain raced in desperation, "My parents will know the truth, even if Mister Compress plays as my father they would find out, and that's even more suspicious."
All for One made another snap of the finger. Nothing happened, so in annoyance he used the same Quirk as before to bring a mud-vomiting Nomu in the room, a deformed creature with large teeth, an exposed brain – which Mustard found painful to admit he was starting to grow numb to seeing – and two small, thin arms ending into large hands. "This is Willy. Willy can change your hair and eye color permanently, along with changing ever so slightly the shape of your nose, eyes and whatever other body parts you might wish for. Any question?"
Stain snapped out of his thoughts and raised his hand.
"No, it can't make a nose regrow."
Stain dropped his hand.
"Any other question?"
Mustard really had one. Not a mature one, or even a reasonable one. Still, every body part meant…
Two roads opened in front of him. One where he asked the question, and probably got expelled from the League for it. Or worse. And one where he stayed quiet, and his comedic genius was forever lost.
After a moment of deliberation, he sighed, clenched his fist and closed his eyes. Alas, jokes would have to wait. Once All for One dismissed Willy and Himiko's question on whether it could make her hair blood red, Mustard just sagged, giving up. "So uh… Will I get any weapon?" He asked. At least something cool could come of it.
"If and when I deem it necessary." Stain replied, before All for One could, "Now move, both of you. I want to be done with this as much as you do."
Mustard followed him, while Himiko stopped for a moment to talk with her boss-father, but after quite a long chat Himiko caught up to them in the gym.
Despite everything, Mustard smiled. At least he was going to learn fighting from Stain. Maybe at least the training was going to be fun.
-x-
Izuku panted as he rolled on his bed after his first day of workout, succumbing to the exhaustion almost immediately.
Nope, this training was not going to be easy.
-x-
Mustard panted as he fell on the ground of the gym, having been stabbed by wooden and plastic swords so much that he was fairly sure a real fight would have killed him ten times over.
Nope, this training was not going to be fun.
(xx)
So yeah, I know some readers expected Izuku to be honest, but... well it's not that easy. Not for a child that has spent so long dreaming of having a Quirk, of being a Hero.
Also I feel like this fic is just taking the whole "x adopts y" trope and cracking it in any way imaginable. That wasn't even planned but I just realized so now I'm writing this.
See you next week.