Hermione's Qualms
Two eagle owls sat on a high perch near an open window. The chill after a sunny day in May blew fresh cold air into the unused classroom on the ground floor. The professor was not yet there. Press cuttings and handwritten notes littered the teacher's desk and piqued Hermione's interest. The feathered observers screeched angrily when the girl searched through the black and white pieces of paper reading the headlines. Hermione gained no glimpse into Leonor's privacy by reading the snippets but was right in believing the owls called Professor Scott. She didn't need to wait long.
"Good evening Hermione! You are early. Everybody else is still at dinner," asked Leonor friendly and put a basket with fresh herbs to one of the student's tables. The owls became silent.
"Good evening. I finished dinner already," lied Hermione. "We do Herbology today?" said Hermione shyly. She first liked to steer in safe water. She was deliberately early to find something out. Hermione spent an awful lot of time stalking the healer and asking all sorts of questions. Eventually, Hermione trusted Scott and concluded that she would come off badly in Snape's company. Scott showed no dislike against Harry and was obviously not involved with the plot against Hermione's best friend. Snape's role presented itself more and more ambiguous; he got on with Scott but resented everybody else being friendly with Harry. Snape knew Karkaroff and was friends with the Malfoy family; that Sirius didn't know about Snape to be a Death Eater wasn't any proof about his real alliance.
"Not exactly. We won't learn how to plant or grow them. Professor Sprout kindly prepared the samples and I must water them before everything withers. If you wouldn't mind helping me?" Leonor hexed a long row of small flasks, filled them with water and put one green stalk after the other into it.
"What do we do today?" asked Hermione again.
"You'll see that in about one hour," grinned Leonor. Hermione had already given up asking too much beforehand in general but couldn't contain herself in the classroom. The girl continued to work with the herbs and Leonor closed the large windows. The fresh air was welcome. Leonor was tired; every evening filled with home visits or consultations. She'd shifted all the morning work into the late evening to have enough time at St. Mungo's. It was difficult to admit, but Occlumency with Severus was more pleasant than the current workload. The headaches created by magic were easier to accept than those created by stuffy hospital air and affliction. Leonor missed the inventive tastes of Severus' tea and the kisses. Now, they hardly spoke more than a few words. Severus believed that the walls of Hogwarts had ears and still he knew in an instant when the Crutiatus potion needed improvement. He'd worked on it without fuss. Leonor didn't even need to ask. Severus heard the facts out and sent Leonor unceremoniously to bed; telling that he preferred to work alone. In exchange, she realized him concocting several nights before creating a successful result, but there was no suggestion of fatigue in Severus dark eyes. He reorganized the teacher's duty easily to free up evenings, nights and weekends whenever needed to finish the research.
"The room is still smelly. Tomorrow with the younger students it's better, but if the room is not used for some days the stale smell will return. I should use the potions' classroom," said Leonor more to herself than to Hermione. The necessary equipment was in the dungeons and it was much less effort to arrange everything before class, at least it would be the case next week when she planned to brew some common healing draughts. Severus made it a habit to appear in the classroom half-through the lesson anyway.
"The dungeon?" Hermione gave Leonor a haunted look.
"Yes, Professor Snape's classroom," Leonor emphasised the correct title of Severus. There was no need to justify the decision even if the headmaster kindly arranged the extra classroom on the ground floor. There was in the meantime a large group of foreign students and mainly Hufflepuffs with an interest to learn about the healer's profession.
"Why is he always in your lessons?" spluttered Hermione and bit her lips as if she'd been too early giving her intention away.
Leonor shrugged. She'd never given much of a thought about Severus' attendance. It was just natural because most of the practical exercises taught the creation and usage of potions. She was glad when Severus observed some workbenches because the number of students grew steadily in the past months.
"We've agreed to the curriculum of the intercultural lessons. I don't need to teach what he's teaching anyway. We will do some more spell work before term break for a change. I hope Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall will join for some lessons too," said Leonor mollifying. She glanced at Hermione and sensed there was more what the girl wanted to know. Leonor and Severus kept their activities as much as possible in the shadows, not that there was much to keep a secret since the incident with Remus' transformation in March. Leonor had the impression that the staff was unfazed by their collegial manner. The lessons gave a good explanation of why Professor Snape and Professor Scott worked together. Severus behaved very professionally, almost pepped up with self-confidence if Leonor was teaching. Watching him in the extra lessons didn't explain the angst-riven rumours about Severus' nasty temper.
"I convinced Harry and Ron to join. It's important that they learn how to help themselves if You-Know-Who—" Hermione stopped in the middle of the sentence and nibbled on her fingernails.
"A brilliant idea; there are too less Gryffindor students in the class in my view. I would be glad to see some more." Leonor smiled and added, "Will Ron accept if you work with Victor or should I better make another arrangement for tonight?"
Hermione coloured quickly. Her cheeks glowed more than the mop of frizzy hair which was carefully tamed in a ponytail.
"I'll work with Victor. Ron and Harry will be together," replied Hermione defiantly.
Leonor distributed the flasks and the press cuttings to every workbench.
"Hermione, why have you been so early today. I'd rather expect you to do a quick read in the library than to be here by chance?" Leonor scrutinized the girl with a hard look.
"You meet with Professor Snape. I've seen you in the restricted section of the library, in the dungeons, at the Yule Ball. You look sallow since you are always with him!"
Leonor sighed. "Oh, I see. You care about my health. I'm tired because I'm very busy, Hermione. I'm working at Hogwarts, at the hospital and I have my own apothecary and patients. Professor Snape helps me. Working with potions is about three-quarters of my work. Is that enough of an explanation?"
"But you are a healer and not a Potions Professor!"
"Hermione, almost everything needs a medicine. A counter spell often takes only seconds, but in the aftermath, most illnesses and curses are treated with healing draughts, even if it's only a simple Strengthening Solution. I'm not poisoned by Professor Snape if that's your concern." Leonor scowled inwardly about the idea. In a figurative sense, it was the truth; strained emotions disturbed a good sleep. The butterflies were hurt.
"Professor Moody is very watchful with all the Slytherins. He doesn't like—," pressed the girl through gritted teeth, but Leonor cut her sentence in the middle.
"Indeed, Professor Moody has got all right to be watchful in general. All Professors are vigilant. If you believe it or not, but many people warned me about Professor Snape's temper and still I make my own decisions."
"But he's dangerous, outright mean— to Harry— he never awards any points to Gryffindor. It's not fair!" spluttered Hermione.
"Let's sit down Hermione!" Teacher and student sat into the first row of school desks. Leonor continued calmly. "Have you been quizzing me to find something out about Professor Snape?" Hermione coloured, but nodded slightly. Leonor smiled a little.
"You are not the type to become a healer. I always wondered about all the questions," answered Leonor softly.
"But my marks—," protested Hermione.
"Of course, your marks are excellent. You would manage to become a healer, but would you be happy with it? Is it what you want?"
Hermione shook her head embarrassed, but Leonor couldn't tell her off.
"Hermione, I like working with Professor Snape. He's a very skilled wizard and I don't mind the severe appearance. I've been fooled by overly friendly persons in the past. Unpleasant and evil isn't the same. If you can't understand, then you should at least trust Professor Dumbledore to have an eye on his staff members. Professor Snape was very concerned when Harry became a Triwizard Champion. The required skills are much above an average fourth-year student, with or without a dark wizard on the loose. Neither I nor Professor Snape believe in a mistake of Dumbledore with the age line. It has been a very clever coup of an unknown adult. It's good that the tournament went well for Harry so far. I'll still keep fingers crossed."
"You know what Professor Snape said to me when Malfoy hit me with a spell?"
"I know and it's not justifiable. Things will always be pointed if Slytherins and Gryffindors are in one classroom. The fight between Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin lives on. I hope the children of both houses will reunite in the future. I'd like to think that even the Slytherins will contribute to bringing Voldemort down." Leonor's voice was calm, and Hermione gazed open-mouthed at the mention of the forbidden word. Leonor could not say more about why Severus' was obviously always on the side of the Slytherins, more than enough if the Death Eater's kids were around. Leonor urged herself to protect Severus' reputation despite the doubts about his love.
"You've been in Slytherin too!" frowned Hermione. There was a short silence and Leonor fought hard with the answer.
"I never attended a school like this. Maybe that's why I'm not as prejudiced than most of the English wizards and witches. But you are right, according to my family, I would have been sorted into Slytherin. I cannot find anything wrong with it. Life is defined by chance and choice. I hope I can support all students to make the right choices. Chance is much harder to influence. Slytherins and Gryffindors are much alike in satisfying their ambition. Unfortunately, the ways and means to achieve the goals are different, conflicting perhaps. Still, if the two houses would pull together than it would be like two sides of the same medal. Unfortunately, that's future."
The answer had a very final intonation. Hermione glared at Professor Scott and was gone. She returned later with Harry and Ron in tow and only the subdued expression in the girl's face showed the earlier conversation. Leonor knew Hermione would keep it to herself. The girl understood social cohesion as much as she cared for elfish welfare.
The task of the students was to match the muggle description of the medicinal plant with their use for magical potions. Much to the surprise of most students the usage in the muggle world was pretty much the same as in the magic population, only less effective. Severus turned up in the second half of the lesson with a small card box. He sat at the last row silently and watched Potter and Weasley. Surprise curled his mouth until he was distracted by Leonor. He indulged himself in watching the figure of Leonor privately. She was much too concentrated to notice it when teaching.
Leonor wished already a good night when Severus interrupted and handed differently shaped flasks first to Leonor, and she passed them to the students.
"You should be able to tell the ingredients of the liquids by the smell! Please identify also the non-magic draughts!" Severus grinned impishly and gave a small parchment to Leonor to pass the test.
She recognized the muggle medicine easily. There was an ivy juice against a cough and chamomile tincture to be used against stomach issues. A satisfied expression appeared on Severus' face until Hermione Granger answered all questions correctly. Her muggle upbringing was certainly an advantage despite her excellent knowledge. Severus scowled at Hermione but confirmed at least with a brief nod.
The students filed out and Leonor started to collect the extracts of the newspaper to put them in a drawer of the teacher's desk. She hexed the flasks with the herbs to arrange themselves at the window sill. Everything was needed the other day for the younger students. Severus flicked his wand creating texts on the blackboard. Everything lasted only seconds before he removed it again with a vanishing spell. Leonor watched the game a while. She found not the right words to start a conversation. She missed the promising closeness or at least a friend to tell about St. Mungo's.
"More business tonight?" grunted Severus continuing to misuse the blackboard channelling a murky mood.
"Some concoctions need a final touch," answered Leonor.
"You spoke to Fawley and Burke?"
"Lately."
"And?"
"They are excited to get it."
"That's not what I mean!" Severus turned and frowned. Leonor frowned in return.
"The cottage?" asked Severus with a softer expression.
"Nothing. They couldn't remember much, just that the Shafiq family lived very reclusive."
"Malfoy didn't know anything either."
"A dead end—," sighed Leonor. "I'm going to go home now. I haven't got time to think about the cottage on top of all. It's postponed to summer." Leonor sent a last inspecting look around the classroom and turned to leave. She wouldn't wait for Severus. Her ego was still hurt. The stolen picture replayed almost every night in her head. It was like a chronic pain. From time to time she sensed that Severus liked to bridge the new distance, but he didn't dare to ask while the engagement at St. Mungo's continued. It was easy to gloat about a double-cross if you weren't involved, but Leonor was. A feeling of betrayal lingered obstinately.
"Wait—," Severus called in a low voice. Leonor only stopped.
"When do you deliver?"
"At the annual guild celebration."
"It will be the test," replied Severus unfeigned and gripped Leonor's shoulder. Leonor looked puzzled. "We should continue the Occlumency training. The occasion is perfectly public. I want you to plant pictures into other brains, false pictures."
"What?"
"You'll show me what you want me to see. We can communicate with our skills, without speaking." Severus' cheeks flushed a little red with excitement, even though the balanced outside demeanour wouldn't betray it easily. "Occlude your mind by an overlay with the ideal information. It will keep everything a secret."
"Sorry?"
"The Death Eaters will interrogate you. Lucius will see to that. There are also others who won't show any mercy devastating your mind for information."
"Whom are you talking about?" replied Leonor acidly.
"Bellatrix Lestrange, obsessed with love for the Dark Lord, imprisoned in Azkaban. Avery Jr., he never showed compassion for anybody."
"I've had enough of mind-reading." Leonor glared into Severus eyes indicating to part again.
"We haven't met in the past months!" Severus stopped her once more from leaving. He dragged Leonor deeper into the room, and she followed defiantly.
"You've read my mind?" Severus got a clue about the reason for his friend's reserved behaviour.
"I don't want to see your dirty fantasies again!" snapped Leonor.
"Come again?" He looked down at Leonor and breathed into her face. It took a moment and Leonor realized the longing. Severus was pale; there was no anger, just passion. "What are you talking about? What have you seen?" asked Severus quietly.
"… the important appointment at full moon … the pretty ginger … sheer fabric … silky bedclothes!" spluttered Leonor hotly.
Severus swallowed and released Leonor a bit. He closed his eyes before speaking, protecting what he couldn't two months ago. "She's not real." He knew only another lie would convince her to trust, to continue to prepare herself for the worst. Severus wanted her to listen and learn.
"Indeed! A lively one!"
"—a memory, a piece of a false picture!" answered Severus evenly occluding the pain. The full moon visit hadn't helped to wind down nor any succeeding appointments. "—but why are you interested now?" Severus' mouth changed into a laddish grin when he looked Leonor straight into the eyes; her fury was relaxing and made him happy. She cared despite sealing herself off.
"I'm not!"
"You should have told me, there's so little time left—" Severus embraced Leonor's waist with one hand. The fingers of the other hand touched her cheek gently. "I kiss you," breathed Severus as if asking for a permission. Leonor's resistance softened, but he couldn't complete it when a girlish voice made them both jump away from each other.
"Professor Scott!" Hermione stopped in her tracks. After realizing the scene, the girl looked truly upset; whatever it meant to her to find the teachers side by side. Severus narrowed his eyes threateningly.
"Professor Snape!" She glanced confused at Leonor indicating to help if necessary.
"Why did you come back?" asked Leonor innocently, even though her haywire heart raced.
"I'd like to ask if I can borrow the encyclopaedia. It's not in the library." Hermione sounded genuine as if a scientific book was light-hearted reading.
"I mentioned 'Leventhorpe's Compendium of Plants', but it should be in the library." Leonor looked questioningly at Severus.
"Likely somebody played a vanishing trick on it. Perhaps those who stole potion ingredients in the past?" Severus tilted his head. His eyes flashed and pierced Hermione, but she looked away seeking help with Leonor.
"I'll check with Madam Pince or I'll bring my book. Go to your dormitory, it's late," answered Leonor reassuringly. Severus gave Leonor an angry look before warning Hermione in a menacing calm voice.
"You've five minutes to return to the common room or I'll take points from Gryffindor."
Hermione flushed with anger but turned on the heels with a levelled 'Yes, Sir.'
"Are you satisfied telling off another Gryffindor?" asked Leonor and shook her head, snatching the satchel and exiting the room quickly. She hissed back waiting in the door frame, "I thought you improve to become a respectable teacher at least if there are only harmless Slytherins around. But you can't stop yourself hating Potter & Co., can you?"
Leonor hurried through the cloister on the ground floor, crossed the yard and left Hogwarts disappointed. Severus closed the classroom door and gazed disgruntled after Leonor. Time was running out. The dark mark on his left forearm intensified daily. It woke him sometimes with painful stitches. The anticipation of the imminent third task in the tournament created goose pimples on his skin.