family affair
twenty-three
uchiha's knife
Sasuke's arms felt like a small gift.
Hinata folded herself into them, her head beneath his chin, her mouth wavering as she held in a cry. His warmth was all-encompassing: she could not believe that he was here, touching her, alive.
He kept saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry and Hinata thought that she was responding, pushing the words out of her mouth, huffing up winds trying to reciprocate. It's okay, she said as she clung to him. He felt skinnier somehow, even though it had only been a week and a half. It's okay. You're okay. We're going to figure this out. Together.
The embrace ended too soon: there were other people watching. Naruto and Sakura stood next to the car, idling. Naruto was politely looking away, and Sakura was defiantly looking forward, at them, her brow furrowed.
Sasuke released her in his shock at seeing his teammates. The loss of his arms felt like the end of the world, but Hinata was brave. Sasuke went forward and clapped Naruto hard on the back, who copied the gesture, his face breaking into a large grin. They spoke to each other lowly, open-mouthed, and eager. Sasuke even barked out a laugh, and his voice sound full and heavy with the labor of it. He hadn't laughed in weeks.
Hinata watched Sakura who stared at Sasuke with crossed arms, her expression one of dissatisfaction. When he finally broke apart from Naruto and turned to her, this expression broke, and tears slid down her face. Her nose turned pink with the effort. Sasuke hugged her, touching her head with such intimacy, that Hinata looked away, a knot in her throat.
These people love each other, she thought to herself. Really love each other. She didn't know how to process how she felt, only that she felt lonely and missed her family. While she was happy to be back with Sasuke, she felt the gap of her family's absence, the shame of her banishment, and the fear for her younger sister well up in her stomach. These thoughts knotted themselves inside her, making her stomach hurt.
She was so lost in thought that she hadn't heard the man behind her, and she turned to see Uchiha Itachi sitting on a small stool that looked to be for children. He wore a mild expression on his unmistakingly Uchiha face––all straight lines, no bullshit. He was watching the scene play out in front of him, deep in thought. When he noticed her looking, he inclined his head and gestured to the stool beside him. An invitation.
The sight of this Uchiha––his existence only rumored at this point––made Hinata even more anxious, but she approached the stool, confident that Sasuke would not let any harm come to her. The depth of trust startled her, but she did not have time to ruminate on it as she sat next to the older Uchiha. He gestured to the bottle of alcohol that sat between them, his eyebrow quirked.
Boisterous laughter erupted from Naruto only yards away. Sasuke turned to look at her and they made eye contact. He inclined his head, his body moving toward her, his feet moving without a second thought, but Hinata shook her head so he turned back around.
"They have been his family for almost ten years now," Itachi said. Hinata hadn't expected his voice to sound so young, though he could not have been more than a decade older than her. "He and I are just getting to know each other again. We've been sharing food; recipes our mother used to cook."
Hinata looked at the grill a few feet away, the heat of it reminded Hinata of the cold. It smelled good. Every new sense was like a shock to her body: had she been this numb this whole time? "That's...that's wonderful. I can't imagine what that must feel like."
Itachi did not take his eyes off Sasuke either, "I've known where he was for a while. I tracked him down once he went to high school, but after that, he disappeared completely. No trace. Few years later he shows up on a random darkweb database. I couldn't believe that my little brother had become a fucking spy."
Hinata was not sure what he wanted her to say. Sasuke and his friends were walking towards them, each of their faces a little bit brighter than before. She looked at Itachi and saw pieces of Sasuke there. She saw the grief, too.
"I can't imagine what that must've felt like," she said, again, for lack of anything else to say. She had her own family to process.
Itachi offered a short laugh, "Of course you can, Hyuga. My little brother was sent to spy on your family. And yet, you are here."
"I am here," she agreed. She loved him. Possibly too much.
"Hm," Itachi hummed and it sounded so much like Sasuke that Hinata's heart thudded in her chest, thinking about their family and the massacre that had knocked the underground market off its feet for months. "Love has ended empires," he said.
"I––I don't believe in empires," Hinata said, which was true. She did not.
Itachi smiled wryly, "Of course, you don't, Hyuga Hinata." He got up and lifted the head of the grill, meat sizzled and crackled on top. "The Akatsuki will be here by daylight. You better have something to give them. Neither I nor my foolish little brother will be able to protect you if you do not."
"Of course," Hinata said immediately. She had already had this conversation with Sakura and Naruto. Why they did not think that the child of Hyuga Hiashi had nothing up her sleeve, she did not know. But it was not her business what others thought of her. She cared about two things: Sasuke and saving Hanabi from Gaara. She would give up almost anything to ensure the safety of both of them. "Why don't we all––"
"No," Itachi held up his hands. "Now is not the time for planning. That will come later. You are Hyuga," he observed, his eyes lit with humor. This humor was a surprise to her and she did not know how to react so she did not. "So straight to the point and uptight. Drink, and celebrate, you have made it this far. Besides," he sat back down and held the gallon of clear alcohol in his lap. "You will have to fight soon enough."
Hinata understood this and nodded. She would have to fight soon enough, and Itachi probably understood this better than anyone else. In the corner of her eye, she watched Sasuke untangle himself from his friends to stand beside her. He eyed the two of them curiously, but Itachi playfully looked away with a swig of the alcohol. Hinata smiled innocently in his direction, her core quickly warming at the sight of him. How weak she made him. He extended his hand, and she took it without a second thought.
-:-
"Whose room is this?" Hinata asked breathlessly as Sasuke placed hot kisses on her neck. The boat didn't move because the water that held it was frozen solid. It was cold on the boat, but she didn't mind: her skin was flushed and eager.
"Does it matter?" Sasuke quirked an eyebrow and put an arm under her bottom. Easily, he swept her off her feet and placed her gently in the bed. He was wearing all of these layers, which he shed slowly, dropping his coat on the floor in the doorway, then his hat, then his sweater went over his head and onto the floor. Hinata wasn't wearing nearly as much, it had been warmer in Iwa, and it had only taken her a few strong drinks to forget the nip of the cold.
Hinata giggled into his neck, whispering: "Your brother will know what we do."
"He's grown," Sasuke said, moving her body up the full bed. It took up most of the small room and Itachi's few belongings lined the windowsills: books, mostly, and some mugs. A few yen. Sunglasses. Sasuke reached and tugged the curtains in place, though he could still see the outlines of his friends against the outdoor lights.
He bent down to focus on Hinata once more, breathing her in. He wanted to lock his body around hers so that they would never have to be apart in this way again. She looked back up at him, her eyes clear and unafraid. When he went to tug at the bottom of her shirt, she stopped him.
"Wait, Sasuke."
He looked at her. She swallowed. Looked away. Looked back. "Are you...are you okay?"
He smiled ruefully and sat up straight. She was so close to him and he had missed her so much. He thought about seeing Naruto and Sakura again and how he hadn't known that he had the ability to love anyone this much. How much it hurt to love. How scared he was to do it. How angry he felt about it, and about the fear. How much he had trusted. How it all felt painful.
He shook his head, "No, Hinata. I am not okay," he watched her move to sit up. "But I've also never been better."
Hinata nodded slowly, understanding instantly. There was a rumble of laughter outside and the slosh of liquor. Itachi had lit a bonfire. "We have...we have a lot to talk about."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "Should we do that right now or...?"
He was being sarcastic as his eyes flickered over her body, taking in the way her long legs took light, the way her T-shirt rode up on her stomach, thinking about how he wanted to lick the dragon from it's head to its tail. Part of him wanted nothing more than just this. The other part of him understood her concerns and felt them, too. He just wanted to be alone with her. He wanted to forget about all the other noise. He wanted her to be the only sound on the planet.
But he was a rogue agent, and she was a banished Yakuza. They could only ignore so much. So he bit the bullet before her, knowing what she needed, and knowing what he could provide. It was only fair: she had saved his life.
"You want to go back to your family," he said knowingly, watching her face change. The strange hope in her eyes contrasted the panic that pinched her mouth into a fine line. He wanted to take away that pain.
"N-now that I know you're okay, I––"
"You don't have to explain it to me, Hinata," Sasuke said. If he had a family to go back to, he would probably do the same thing. She was on the other side of the bed facing him. The checkered green blanket felt like an ocean between them. "I understand."
She shook her head, "No," she said and there it was: the panic in her voice. "I-I think Hanabi is in trouble. After the Akatsuki come I have to go back I have to––"
"Hinata," Sasuke said patiently. He reached out a hand and she tentatively grabbed it. Her hands were rough, just like his were. "I don't think you understand. I don't think I've explained it to you, and I am deeply sorry about that."
She said nothing. Sakura was saying something outside about wanting to see the northern lights one day. This far away from any major city, there were thousands of stars out for them to drink in.
Sasuke pulled her towards him, "Hyuga. Hinata. I am in love with you. I have been in love with you this entire time. I am prepared to go with you wherever you go. I like the Hyugas," he said, and then laughed, because who would have thought he would have ever been saying anything like this. "And I know what I have to do to get back in their good graces. I am prepared to do that a million times over. For you."
Hinata's eyes lit up, then welled with tears. Through them, she said something like "you only have ten fingers."
He barked a laugh, pulling her into a hug against his chest. "An arm, a leg, whatever it takes after that. Whatever you put me through, I'm in."
Hinata shook her head, "Y-you don't mean that."
"Of course I do. Look at me," Hinata shyly looked up and that the stubbornness, the love, the intention behind his gaze. "I'm fucking in love with you."
Hinata smiled then, and shook her head, though the disbelief had left her gaze. "I'm in love with you too."
-:-
The Akatsuki came after breakfast.
Sasuke nudged Hinata awake at the crack of dawn, and they untangled themselves from each other, the sheets, and Itachi's sheepskin blanket. The boat was hard to keep warm at night, but they had managed with their bodies. Already, they could hear the sounds of the others moving around beyond the door: dishes clanking, whispers being shared, and the sharp edge of anxiety in their voices.
They ate quickly in the living area, with Naruto, Hinata, and Sasuke squished shoulder-to-shoulder on the small futon. Itachi went outside to smoke a cigarette and "enjoy the morning," while Sakura stood with her back against the cool window. It was relatively silent: Itachi had prepared a basic breakfast for them, rice and miso soup. A little bit of bread. Some tea. Hinata sipped slowly out of these giant ceramic mugs he kept hanging on hooks above his sink; hers was a vibrant red.
"So you both fled to Iwa?" Sasuke was saying to Sakura and Naruto, some end to a conversation Hinata had not been a part of. It relieved her that he would speak so freely to his friends in front of her. His trust in her was cemented.
"Yes," Sakura nodded tightly as she carefully drank from her cup. She had coffee from a green mug that matched her eyes. "We were on our way to the islands and stopped there for a day to figure out our paperwork. The next stop was going to be The Philippines."
"Then Hinata found us," Naruto bumped his shoulder into hers. "Well––Sakura. Followed her like a spy."
Sasuke looked at her with an eyebrow raised and she turned red despite herself. Sakura scoffed a little at the show of affection. Hinata could understand why she would react this way; Hinata was the intruder, after all.
"Well...Sakura knocked me out for it," Hinata amended the tale. "But I...I–– when I saw Sakura walking down the street I couldn't believe it. It felt like dumb luck, you know," she looked at Sasuke, taking him in, the way he sat, the way he carefully held his bowl of rice in his lap, the way he looked at her. "I needed to know if you were ok, and...I thought maybe Sakura would know."
Everyone was silent for a few minutes as they spooned food into their mouths. Outside, the sky went indigo, changing to meet the sun slowly.
"So, thank you for that," Hinata said earnestly to Sakura, who had uncrossed her arms to set her mug down. Sakura paused, halfway lifted from the coffee table to make eye contact with Hinata. "Seriously. You––you didn't have to, Sakura. Thank you."
Sakura straightened, looking surprised. She opened her mouth to respond when the door opened.
"They're here," Itachi said.
Though no one knew exactly who the Akatsuki were, or how many members there were, Hinata knew that the two people in front of her made up only a small fraction of the group in its totality.
They did not go inside of Itachi's houseboat to meet, instead, they stood out in the open in the snow. The sun was sneaking over the waterline, shooting its beams across the Earth. The snow sparkled and it made her eyes hurt. The two Akatsuki members didn't seem to mind the cold or the light, and they barely blinked at the sight of unexpected company.
One of them had blue hair, swept up into a bun and an otherwise unremarkable face, while the other had orange hair and piercings up and down his face. They did not wear the robes that Hinata had heard rumors about; instead, they were in plain clothes: puffy jackets, dark pants, and snow boots.
Itachi smiled calmly and welcomed them with open arms, "Pein, Konan, always a pleasure."
"Hello Itachi," Konan said. She looked at the ragtag group with humor, "And guests?"
"A Hyuga?" Pein said, his voice hoarse. "On our land––now that is interesting. Please, Itachi, what is the meaning of this?"
Sasuke stood close to Hinata, his body half shielding hers, but there was no reason: she had already been seen. She knew what the situation was going to be before she had even gotten there. Still, she fought the urge to touch him. There didn't need to be any more attention on the two of them than there already was.
Konan stepped toward Hinata and Sasuke grabbed Hinata's arm, pulling her further away. Konan smiled, stepping closer nonetheless, and peered into Hinata's face. Upon further inspection, Konan had orange eyes that shined against the sunrise. "Hm," she said, then stepped back again. She didn't say anything else about her. Instead, she gestured toward Sakura and Naruto. "And who are they?"
They both looked at Itachi for an explanation.
"It is a long story," Itachi said. "But one I think you may enjoy. These are rouge ANBU agents, and you know, my brother Sasuke. He was outed by his own organization in the middle of an undercover mission with the Hyugas while those two," he gestured towards Naruto and Sakura, "Were working to figure out ANBU's ulterior motive. Meanwhile, Sasuke was falling in love, it seems."
"So the Hyuga," Pein said, squinting. "Came looking for him. Found him here."
Itachi nodded, "She is banished, but wants to go back."
Hinata stiffened. She did not know how he knew that.
Pein smiled, and it made small lines appear against the curves of his eyes, "And how will she go back, if she has crossed the treaty line? She must know that there is a price for those things, especially after what happened to one of our clubs."
"May Deidara rest in peace," Itachi said, a smile in his voice.
Wind blew through the space between them and the Akatsuki members. Hinata felt her stomach turn––she had forgotten about that, and yet–– "It was––it w-was simply retribution. Your Hidan killed one of o-ours first," she said.
Konan and Pein passed a look. "That is true," Pein said, sounding thoughtful. "But that does not change the fact that these are on Akatsuki lands."
Hinata had to be brave if she was going to get what she wanted. She broke away from Sasuke, and though he protested silently––their eyes meeting for a long, terse moment––he let her go. She took five well-intentioned steps until she was standing in front of Pein and Konan. She watched Konan's orange-brown eyes as she looked her up and down. She saw the way Pein squinted, his eyes filled with humor. She felt the dragon's head at her abdomen, felt the strength of it fill her belly, and she exchanged its wisdom for fire. When she spoke, it was level, without stuttering. She knew what she wanted, and she knew what she had to give.
"What I have to offer you is worth more than my own life," she said. She could feel Sasuke's eyes on her back. She could feel that he was angry with her for saying this, but it was true. "And so I cannot give it to you for that. If you must kill me, then I cannot stop you."
No one said anything, though Hinata knew that Sasuke drew closer. His energy was electric. She could not look at him, for fear that she would let her strong face fall. But then, he was standing beside her, and she could not help but see. His gaze was fierce: hard. His gaze said let them try.
This gave her the confidence to continue. She cleared her throat. Pein and Konan were expressionless, though their energy was dangerous. Pein inclined his head. Continue.
"Instead of taking my life, you will help me," Hinata said, her words feeling as if they were coming from some other, greater being. "You will help me, and the Hyugas. Together, we will defeat the head of ANBU, using the reconnaissance gathered by these former agents, and we will eradicate the Suna because they are working together. Doing this would be nothing short of beneficial to your cause."
There was a long silence. Pein and Konan exchanged surprised looks. Itachi said nothing, just smiled. Even Naruto and Sakura wore twin expressions of surprise.
"Why would we do this?"
"The question isn't why," Sasuke said, catching on to Hinata's game. He felt the sturdiness of her body beside him, and he beamed with pride. "You want ANBU gone as much as anyone else. The question is for what?"
Hinata smiled then. She reached into her shirt, her fingers dipping seamlessly inside her bra, and pulled out the Byakugan File. How easily they could have taken it from her––any of them––and yet, they did not.
It would not have mattered. She was one of three with the password.
She watched Pein's eyes widen at the sight of it. Itachi nodded to him, then gestured towards the boat. "Come," he said. "There is much to be discussed."
-:-
That night, after Pein and Konan left to prepare, and after Itachi took Sakura and Naruto to town for dinner, Hinata unwrapped the knife Itachi had left on the counter.
It was wrapped in red cloth, with red and white colored fans printed on it. The knife itself was perfect, sharp, and pristine. It glinted against the dull light of the boat. "It was our father's knife," Itachi said quietly before he took his leave. "Sasuke, it is yours now, especially after what you are about to do."
Sasuke bowed low to his brother, and Hinata looked away out of respect for the intimate moment. The brothers hugged and then Itachi was out the door, meeting Sakura and Naruto in the car.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Hinata asked, looking at him. His face was so beautiful. His eyes were full and dark, his hair like a darkened sky, dusting over his forehead, his nose so straight, and his mouth so full and serious. Always so serious. "With your father's knife at that. If it's too much I understand––"
"No, Hinata," Sasuke said quietly. "I knew what I was getting myself into when I fell in love with you, and I know what I'm getting myself into now. Using my father's knife only means that I am making the choice for myself. I want to help you. I want to help Hanabi."
"Okay," she whispered. "Okay. Okay. Okay."
Together, they quietly prepared the area. Itachi had suggested they use the coffee table––he would get another one––and go out into the snow. They carried it outside and set it there, then they placed the knife and the cloth on top of it. They took a beat to look at each other, breathing and watching the breath gather in the air between them.
"My hair first," Hinata said. She turned around and extended her ponytail to him. He held it gingerly in his palms. It was so soft.
"Your hair?" He said. "What for?"
"It's for you," she said. "An additional cost. You aren't family so one offering won't be enough. We Hyugas pride ourselves on our hair, you know. Having short hair is like a strike against you. I-I will wear mine like a badge of honor, but The Family will know what I've done."
"I'm sure you'll go down in history books one way or another," Sasuke said humorlessly. Without pause, he took the knife and swiped it through the top of her ponytail, watching the indigo strands fall into the snow. He gripped what he could, and handed it to her. "Thank you, Hinata."
"You are welcome, my...my love," Hinata said, cheeks warming in a way that was almost inappropriate given the situation. "Thank you, for sticking by my side."
She put the hair in the bag and put it aside. Her head felt lighter. She felt like she had just cut off a decade's worth of trauma. She probably had. Lightly, she ran her fingers through it. She'd have to fix the cut before they left, or else she'd look like a fool in front of her family.
"Who goes first?"
"Me," Sasuke said. "So you can't back out."
"It's hardly the time for jokes," Hinata said, though she let bits of humor slip in.
"Who's joking? This only works if you do it, I'm just collateral," Sasuke muttered. This was true, but the argument was fake, if not a waste of time. They were both stalling. "Come on, Hinata, before I chicken out."
"Never thought I'd hear you say that."
"Yeah, and you'll be the only person to hear me say it."
They both kneeled in the snow in front of the coffee table. Hinata gently took away the cloth and folded it. She laid a towel down––not that it would help much. Then, she handed Sasuke a cloth. "For your scream," she said.
"You think I'm going to scream?"
"Oh yes," she said seriously.
"Can you do it for me?"
"No," Hinata said. "The point is, you do it to yourself. That's the only way. They will know if you don't."
"Okay," Sasuke said. He squared his shoulders and laid his left palm flat on the table, with his dominant hand, he grasped the knife. "Wait––"
Hinata nodded and placed the gag into his mouth. She did not allow herself to look away when Sasuke raised the knife and slid it clean through the top half of his pinky finger. The sound was sickening. Sasuke's face went red, his eyes bulged, and he made sounds into the gag. But soon, it was over. Hinata wrapped his hand in the towel she had laid on the table. Then, she scooped up the finger with the reddened snow and placed it into a wooden box––something Itachi had also given them.
"Fuck," Sasuke said when Hinata gingerly removed the gag. "Fuck. That hurt. Fucking hell."
Hinata said nothing. By now the humor was gone. She was white as the snow as she placed a new towel onto the table, after wiping away the blood. At least her hair wouldn't be in her face. She looked Sasuke in the eye as he placed the gag into her mouth, and she felt her mouth open around it. It reminded her of being in Orochimaru's van, but for once, the memory didn't make her shudder.
She laid her left hand flat. Sasuke placed the knife into her palm.
"You ready?" He asked.
Hinata nodded. She bit down on the cloth in her mouth as she raised the knife and brought it down on her own hand. Hard. The knife made a dull sound as it hit the hardwood table underneath. The shock was quick, and the pain eruptive. Hinata hadn't even realized she was screaming until Sasuke was caressing her face.
"It'll get better, give it a second," he soothed. He was brushing her bangs. Her eyes welled with tears at the pain of it. "Give it a second, my love."
He wrapped her hand in the towel like she had done for him and brought it close to her chest. He then located the part of her finger she had cut off and covered it in snow. He put it in its own box.
"You did great," he said. He held her for a second as Hinata sat in shocked silence. She had given away her family's prized possession, the Byakugan File, and she had decapitated herself and her lover.
And she did not regret a single thing.
Tomorrow, she and Sasuke would present their hands to her father and beg for forgiveness. She could only pray that he would accept their pricey repentances.