A/N: It was the 14th anniversary of Boys Over Flowers, and our SoEul couple, recently. I was aiming to have this done by then, but better late than never! Some of us sent a SoEul anniversary gift to Kim So Eun and Kim Bum, telling them how much we still love the couple and support both actors (and hoping for a reunion drama if they so wish). We were all so surprised and overjoyed when Kim So Eun actually posted pictures of it on her Instagram page (Jan 9th, 2023)! She is so humble and kind to have posted it. It makes me not regret being a fan of the SoEul couple or their actors. Go check out her post and like and comment in support!
This chapter starts out after Yi Jeong has his injury until just before Ga Eul's confession. The second half begins just after Ga Eul's confession.
Episode 18: The Potter
Yi Jeong counted the petals of the flowers painted on the vase on display outside his grandfather's office for the third time that afternoon. The maebyeong, or plum vase, sat in a glass case along the wall opposite from the chair Yi Jeong sat in. Its glaze faded, it would appear dull and plain to the amateur eye, but the true connoisseur would note its symmetry and perfectly balanced form, apart from the distinctive imperfections that marked it as from the Goryeo dynasty. On top of that, it was remarkably well preserved over the centuries, which made it worth tens, if not hundreds of millions of won.
Whenever he waited to meet his grandfather, he would sit in this same spot and trace the artist's strokes in his mind's eye. While the clay was still slightly damp the potter would have carved the pattern with a small pointed tool, working quickly and decisively. Once completely dry he would then fill the grooves with red or white slip to color the illustration black or white. The first firing at 800 degrees celsius would set the vase's form. Then it would be dipped in the special glaze that would turn the signature pale blue-green of celadon when it reached 1300 degrees in the kiln. One needed years of practice to get it just right. In fact, any mistake along the way would show once it was finished firing—those that didn't pass the final inspection would be destroyed and sent to the waste pile.
Yi Jeong suspected that his grandfather had purposely made him wait in that room for extended periods of time in order to force him to study this priceless artwork, the gold standard for So Yoon Hee's judgment. As a child, Yi Jeong had believed that the god of the kiln lived inside that vase, the one that his grandfather often told tales of. According to his grandfather, the kiln god had blessed the ancient Goryeo potters with unparalleled skills, so they could create works that were the envy of the world. Those techniques were passed down through the centuries, through wars and upheavals, and were now safeguarded by the So clan, head of the pottery guild. Every generation, the kiln god was waiting for the right artist to bestow his gifts upon, one who could fully represent that immeasurable cultural heritage. Or so his grandfather said.
Yi Jeong finished recreating the maebyeong in his head for a third time, but today this ritual did nothing to calm the rapid beating of his heart. The familiar sense of dread coiling in his stomach was the same at twenty-years old as it was at seven. Whether his grandfather had something good or something bad to say, it still made Yi Jeong nervous. Whatever his grandfather decreed was law in his family, and Yi Jeong would have no say. This time, he was certain it would be bad.
He tried wiping the sweat off of his hands onto his pants, but his right hand was wrapped in a bandage, the whole reason he had been summoned here. Yi Jeong stared at that hand, once thought to be blessed by the god of the kiln, now cursed. No, perhaps it had been cursed this whole time.
His father, So Hyun Sub, certainly must have cursed it. Yi Jeong had been so talented and accomplished that he had been named the future Dangju, the head of the illustrious So clan, bypassing both his father and his older brother. That same day he had been named by the clan elders, his father had shown up in his studio, Yi Jeong's sanctuary, with his latest mistress as if to intentionally defile it.
You know why you were selected? Because you're the most like me.
It was the same hand that had made his brother, Il Hyun, leave. Il Hyun had worked hard, maybe even harder than Yi Jeong at pottery, yet Yi Jeong had been the one to receive all the accolades. Yi Jeong had not meant to usurp his brother, but Il Hyun had been devastated. He had given up pottery, his inheritance, his responsibilities, his family–he had abandoned Yi Jeong. Yi Jeong had finally decided to find his brother after all these years, only to witness him running a cafe, smiling carefree, while Yi Jeong remained trapped by the demands of his family.
The dish that the kiln god chose was not mine but yours, Yi Jeong. This hand, do you know how much I wanted it?
It was the hand that had made so many admire him, including Eun Jae. They would work side by side, molding pots on the wheel for hours in his studio. She loved pottery and she loved Yi Jeong's work. She was always a bit jealous, but that was okay. Those were some of the rare times Yi Jeong could be at peace.
Yet, the hand she so admired had ultimately made Eun Jae leave. His talent had made Yi Jeong so arrogant, that he even used it to attract women and bring them to his studio where he could show off. It had been inevitable Eun Jae would witness this, but Yi Jeong never even considered she would run away. If he had been more humble, maybe he wouldn't have taken her for granted.
To me, you're like an unsolvable problem. A problem that starts off completely twisted and can't be solved.
Still, this much he could bear, because he had one thing that gave his hedonistic life some semblance of worth outside of his family name–something that he could claim as his and his alone. It made his life tolerable. All his burdens and thoughts would disappear for those hours he sat working in his studio.
Sometimes he would even dream about throwing off all his responsibilities and leaving his dysfunctional family behind. He was already a successful artist in his own right and could make a comfortable living abroad if not in South Korea, where his family controlled the pottery world. It wouldn't be easy, but he would finally be free to make the decisions he wanted in his life.
And now, his coveted hand had made the ultimate betrayal. Broken and immobilized, it would never produce the same exquisite works of art as before. He could never escape.
That day, his mother had called asking Yi Jeong to go track down his dad and his new lover. It was nothing out of the ordinary and he would have simply ignored her, but this time she said out loud the part that shamed him the most.
Do that thing. You know, where you seduce the woman away. You're so handsome and charming that she won't be able to resist.
The shock that had set in was soon replaced by disgust. His mother hadn't said anything untrue, but it was the fact that she knew how he had been fulfilling her demands–she had known all along and still asked him to do it. Was that all his mother thought of him as? A tool to use against his father? Someone who was an even bigger womanizer than him?
Yi Jeong had promptly hung up and gone to drown himself in alcohol. In his drunken state he had stumbled upon a woman, a complete stranger, who gushed over him even though she was already with a man. His mother was right, no woman could resist him. He was the disgusting womanizer she'd called him. He had no sooner kissed the girl, when he was thrown to the ground and beaten.
The funny thing was, it wasn't his hand getting stomped on that did the biggest damage. The bone could be set and healed. It was the fall that had torn the ligaments in his wrist that would never fully recover.
Perhaps it was inevitable. He seemed to ruin everything around him. He stared at his hand with hatred.
"Artist So, the chairman is ready to see you now," his grandfather's secretary told him. His voice was kind but laced with pity, which Yi Jeong detested.
Chairman So's office was of average dimensions, but it had once felt cavernous and intimidating when Yi Jeong was a child. It was fashioned after the interior of a hanok, a traditional Korean house, with white walls, dark pine trim and rafters, and latticed windows. The furniture was made of a similar dark wood, with classic rectangular shapes and carvings. True to Chairman So's style, the walls were hung with various ancient artwork ranging from the Goryeo through the Joseon eras.
Along the side wall was another display case containing ceramics. However, unlike the case outside the office, this one contained a curious item–a vase that had been broken to pieces then glued back together. It had no real value anymore, except that it was among the artworks that So Yoon Hee had rescued during the Japanese occupation. Even the repair job was amateur. Yi Jeong thought it was his grandfather's twisted way of exhibiting the antithesis of his ideal. Yi Jeong had often regarded it with disdain, but now, he saw reflected in it his own pathetic state.
Yi Jeong stood in front of his Chairman So's desk obediently with his eyes cast down, his normally overflowing arrogance gone. Yi Jeong at five feet eleven was now well taller than his grandfather, yet he still felt as small as his seven-year-old self. What his grandfather lacked in height, he made up for with his imposing presence.
His grandfather was perusing some documents inside a manila folder as Yi Jeong waited. After a few moments, his grandfather placed the documents on the table, some of them pictures of x-rays of Yi Jeong's hand. When his grandfather finally looked up, he wore a familiar look of disappointment.
"The doctors said your hand would never fully recover."
The silence that followed was thick with unspoken words of rebuke. The implicit disapproval sank into Yi Jeong's chest like a heavy stone.
"The clan elders are gathering in a few days to discuss this incident. Needless to say, you'll be voted out as Dangju. With Il Hyun gone the position will likely go to my cousin's family." So Yoon Hee's voice was calm, though Yi Jeong knew he despised that cousin.
His grandfather continued, "What are you planning on doing now?"
To drink myself into oblivion, Yi Jeong thought. There was no use in saying this, so he stayed silent.
"Change your major from fine art to business. You can still study art history but your career is over. I'm going to talk to your professors and make the arrangements."
Yi Jeong's answer hadn't mattered after all, as his grandfather had already made his plans for him.
"Sojung Ceramics doesn't employ useless artists so the studio will go to your father."
Yi Jeong's head snapped up. What his grandfather said made sense, but the thought of losing his place of refuge was still shocking.
"Your father couldn't be Dangju because of his scandals. Clean up all your affairs. And I mean all of it." Chairman So's dark eyes seemed to bore into Yi Jeong, as if his grandfather knew all of his innermost secrets.
Alarmingly, an image of Ga Eul, laughing as he swung her around the ice rink, flitted through Yi Jeong's mind.
"Or at least keep your affairs quiet. We can't have any future marriage prospects scared off. Your father at least understood his family duty in that way. I expect you to fulfill yours. If you do well you may just get your position as Dangju back. That's your only path for the future."
The only path you've laid out. Like he had a choice in the first place. "Yeh, harabeoji."
So Yoon Hee's expressionless face finally broke into a frown. "How are you so much like your father? I thought you'd be different."
His judgment was like a punch to the gut. The thing that Yi Jeong had sworn never to be, he had ultimately turned into. He had nothing to say in his defense, because it was true.
"You can go now." With that dismissal, his grandfather went about his business as if Yi Jeong wasn't there.
Yi Jeong gave an obligatory bow, and walked out of the office as steadily as he could, though his legs felt weak. He could only breathe once he emerged from the museum into the cool night air. He felt like he was slowly suffocating as his grandfather tightened his control over Yi Jeong's life. Why had he thought of Ga Eul the moment his affairs were mentioned? He'd thought his grandfather had forgotten about her, but Yi Jeong had let down his guard recently. Did news make it back to Chairman So? Yi Jeong shook his head. No, even if it did, there was no way his grandfather could do anything over a fake relationship.
Yi Jeong instructed his driver to take him to the club that Woo Bin had invited him to. Though he was in no mood to socialize, Yi Jeong needed to blow off some steam and he reasoned it would be better than drinking alone. The loyal friend that he was, Woo Bin had been by his side throughout all of this. With Jun Pyo and Ji Hoo going through their own turmoil, it seemed Woo Bin was the only one out of the F4 who cared. In fact, he was the only one at all who cared.
When news got around about Yi Jeong's injury, the messages had come pouring in, some sympathetic, some with thinly veiled curiosity:
I heard about your hand. That's so terrible! What happened?
Oh no! You broke your hand? Do you think you'll get better?
You poor thing. Would you like me to keep you company? I promise to be gentle.
Sorry to hear about your hand. That's bad luck. I guess you won't be able to make it to the polo match?
Hope your hand gets better soon. That's especially awful since you're an artist.
Then there were the things that weren't said. He knew they were whispering behind his back, mostly because he'd taken part in the gossipping himself. These were people who labeled themselves as friends but really only associated with him for his status.
It was revolting.
When Yi Jeong arrived at his destination, he took one look at the crowd of party goers entering the club and ordered his driver to leave. He had only one place left to go, but it was now also a painful reminder of everything he'd lost, and that refuge would soon be taken from him too.
When he neared his studio door, he saw a familiar girlish figure in pink waiting for him. She must have come to check in on him too. Ga Eul was soft-hearted like that. However, Yi Jeong was in no mood for her foolish optimism. Her pity was the last thing he wanted.
"I don't see people without a purpose." He passed her dismissively, ready to lock the door in her face. He was about to drink until he blacked out and she didn't need to witness that.
"I do have a purpose," she said with nervous determination in her voice.
Yi Jeong froze in his tracks, oddly afraid of what she would say next.
"Will you go on a date with me?"
Yi Jeong's heart stopped. With that, Ga Eul finally opened the door to what he had been denying to himself for months–that they had feelings for one another. Feelings that he knew he shouldn't have.
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My answer is no. You know where the exit is, don't you?
When Ga Eul arrived home, she had run into her room, locked the door behind her, hidden herself underneath her blankets and sobbed her heart out. Yi Jeong's words kept echoing in her mind. Though she had hoped beyond hope that someone like him would reciprocate her feelings, she had also prepared herself for rejection. However, she hadn't anticipated how cruelly his words would land, and how much they would sting her pride.
Nice. Idiotic. Associated with his friends.
She was everything he didn't want. She wasn't even his friend–just a mere acquaintance of a friend. Was that all he had seen her as? It hurt, but she couldn't even be angry with him. He had been honest with her all along that the dates were fake. But she couldn't stop how she felt about him, as hard as she tried.
In the haze of her despondency, she even tried to think of ways to make him like her. Could she turn herself into someone he'd be attracted to? She quickly scrapped that notion, because she didn't have the first clue on how to do it, and he would be able to see through her right away.
She had taken pottery lessons at his suggestion that it would be good for her, but it was also to feel closer to him. The teacher, Eun Jae, had encouraged her to confess her feelings, saying that was the only way to deal with them. And look how much good that did. How would she ever be able to face him again?
Once Ga Eul's tears quieted, she remembered Yi Jeong's advice from a different time. If it doesn't become yours after all that, then you have to give it up cleanly.
She reached for a box on top of her bookshelf, where she had placed it so Hoonie couldn't get to it again. Fortunately, his spelling was so bad that he had failed in spilling her secret to Yi Jeong. Now Yi Jeong could never know, because inside were all her memories of him.
One by one, she pulled out each object and examined it fondly. There were the handkerchiefs, so many handkerchiefs. Initially, she had meant to return them, but she met Yi Jeong so infrequently that the appropriate time to give them back had passed. After not returning the first few, it seemed even more embarrassing to return all of them, which would reveal how long she had held onto them. Moreover, she'd made the excuse that someone as wealthy as him wouldn't miss such trivial pieces of cloth.
First she pulled out a black and white plaid one that he'd handed her to wipe her frosting covered face at the car race, when he and Woo Bin had freed her from the advances of a male Shinhwa student. Later, he'd made her heart race when he saved her from the three female bullies. She'd still thought him annoying, but she had to admit he was quite dashing.
Then there was the pale yellow one from the time he'd comforted her when Soo Pyo had humiliated her. He had been so kind that day and had given her so much courage–it was impossible to stop herself from liking him. It was the first time she had fooled herself into thinking they had something special.
The light blue one was from when she was distraught with fear when Jandi had been kidnapped. Yi Jeong had reassured her that he and the F4 would rescue her best friend, which they accomplished with ease. Ga Eul had admired his bravery and heroism.
It was soon followed by a gray handkerchief that she'd completely soaked with tears when Jandi had been lost in the snowstorm. He'd stayed by her side throughout all of it as she'd waited helplessly. His presence was what had kept her from falling completely apart.
Then there was the purple and white silk handkerchief Yi Jeong had silently handed to her at the retirement ceremony for Jandi, when she'd lost her ability to swim. No one else had noticed Ga Eul crying, but perhaps she'd cried in front of him so often that he had anticipated it.
The most recent handkerchief was the navy blue striped one from their magical date, the one that had felt so real to her, but had been fake to him. Ga Eul had even forgotten to be embarrassed and hadn't stopped her tears at the movie theater. When had she become so comfortable in front of him? He'd never once shamed her any of those times she'd cried.
Ga Eul sorted through the rest of the items, each a memento of happier moments, but her favorites were the pictures of Yi Jeong. She'd threatened to blackmail him with the silly ones, but honestly she thought him completely adorable in them. She held up the photo of the two of them at the fancy restaurant he'd taken her to, the infamous night they'd taken revenge on Soo Pyo. She traced her finger lovingly around his face. Surely his smile was genuine?
If it was, it didn't matter any more. She had fooled herself once again. With this bitter thought, Ga Eul placed everything back in, closed the box with determination, and threw it into the trash bin. She had to give him up cleanly. That was what he would want.
There was a soft knock on her door. Ga Eul quickly wiped at the remaining tears on her face and went to unlock it.
Her mother was standing just outside with a concerned expression. "You didn't come out at dinnertime so I was worried."
"Oh, sorry umma. I wasn't hungry. I didn't notice the time because of all my homework," Ga Eul lied.
"Hmm, is that homework a boy?" Her mom's face softened. "We could all hear you crying. Your dad was so worried he's been pacing around the living room wondering who the guy is so he can beat him up."
Ga Eul looked down. She was very bad at hiding her feelings. "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry everyone."
"Can I come in?" her mother asked gently. When Ga Eul nodded they both walked over to her bed and sat down. Her mother placed her arms around Ga Eul. "So, should I send your dad to go beat him up?"
This made Ga Eul laugh a bit. "There's no way appa could beat him. He's too good at fighting. Besides, he didn't do anything wrong."
"It's Yi Jeong, isn't it?"
Ga Eul gasped and pulled back to look at her mom. "How did you know?"
"It's pretty easy to figure out that you like him. Your face always lights up whenever his name comes up."
A few tears escaped Ga Eul's eyes. "He told me he didn't like me, because I'm not the type of girl he dates."
"Then he really is a bad guy. How can there be anyone better than my daughter?"
"But he's not a bad guy, umma. He's one of the best people I've ever met. And he's never lied to me about anything, but I still hoped that he liked me." Ga Eul's voice broke on a sob. "How come I keep messing up?"
"Oh sweetie, maybe you didn't mess up this time."
"What do you mean?"
"You said he's a good guy. There's nothing wrong with liking someone like that. Now you know how it feels. Next time you'll be able to find someone better, someone you'll like more."
"But what if I don't? I like him so much, umma." Ga Eul buried her face in her mom's shoulder.
Kyung Hee didn't say anything and merely patted Ga Eul's back until she had cried her fill.
When Ga Eul's tears subsided, Kyung Hee gently wiped her face with some tissues. "It'll get better over time, I promise. You're so young right now. You'll meet a lot more people in life, and eventually, you'll be able to like someone else again."
Ga Eul didn't quite believe her mom, but she nodded. "Sorry umma for worrying everyone. I'll be okay. You can tell appa he doesn't have to beat anyone up. I'll get over it soon."
Kyung Hee gently moved the hair out of Ga Eul's face. "Oh, Ga Eul-ah. We're supposed to be taking care of you, but instead you always worry about us. We're so lucky to have a daughter like you."
When her mother left, Ga Eul stared at the box peeking out of the garbage bin. After a long while she picked the box back up. Ga Eul pulled out a large suitcase from her closet, the one Yi Jeong had given her on that fateful trip to New Caledonia. It was filled with the rest of the items from him including numerous clothes, shoes, bags, and makeup. He had lavished her by normal standards, but this was likely insignificant to him. She resentfully wondered how many other women he'd similarly bought such things for. Some items she would never use again, but she couldn't bear to let them go because they held such precious memories of him.
She had finally admitted to herself how much she liked So Yi Jeong–not the Casanova or the wealthy heir, but the So Yi Jeong who had noticed her and comforted her when she cried, gave her confidence when she was down, and protected her when she was in danger. The one who was loyal, thoughtful, brave, and kind. Her mom was right. There was nothing wrong with liking someone like that.
She carefully placed the box into the suitcase, and stowed them into the back of her closet. She would let go when she was ready.
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Up next: The disaster date!
A/N: I didn't mean to leave this off for so long, but this was a difficult chapter to figure out–my least favorite so far! I was going to go straight to the disaster date, but then I realized it would be too abrupt with all the things that happen to them, and I just couldn't leave it that way. There needed to be an emotional connection in between to explain why Yi Jeong and Ga Eul act the way they do. I hope it helps make sense of things and that you enjoyed this chapter despite the wait! I hope you keep sticking around. There are about 8 more chapters to go!