Wolf of War
A Patricia Briggs werewolf fanfiction
Chapter Seven:
Madness
He sat up.
There was no pain.
Or, there was little else but pain.
It was hard to tell. It was like there was pain, but then, maybe it was the idea of pain. Like he felt it because he was supposed to feel it, not because he actually felt it.
And it was…well, it wasn't warm, precisely, but it wasn't cold, either. It was…comfortable. And it was pretty. The grasses weren't stood very high, almost as if someone had come through the forest with a lawn mower and mown the grasses in the clearing to a uniform height. And the clearing wasn't just a simple clearing now; the trees that sat at it edges were just barely within sight, leaving the clearing open to the sun beaming down overhead. There were flowers blooming here and there, and in the near distance, he saw a pair of wolf pups playing.
That brought his thoughts back to the wolf, and he turned his head to look for the wolf.
The wolf was sitting right at his shoulder.
He almost bolted from the wolf, but for one, he found that he wasn't as startled as he thought he should be; his body didn't seem to want to be afraid of the wolf. Secondly, this wolf wasn't the one he'd just finished fighting.
This wolf was covered in an almost a purely black coat of fur, other than the white he could see of it that began a bit below its throat and likely continued towards the belly, and matched the fur at the tips of its ears.
So you are here to challenge me, a voice intoned, seemingly from inside his head, yet whispered in his ears, and still from all around. You do not look like a very good predator.
Ares looked around, trying to find the source of the voice, his gaze sliding over the wolf at least twice before he thought to realize that perhaps it was the wolf. The animal's gaze was locked onto him with a fierce intelligence that belied its nature.
"Maybe not," he tossed at the wolf, "but I just fought one wolf to a standstill. I'm all healed up now; you wanna tango?"
He stood, and then crouched into a defensive posture, while the wolf stood up and crouched down as it made ready to attack. The wolf snarled at him; he snarled right back, and then it was time to 'tango'.
And 'tango' they did, as the wolf ran him ragged, but couldn't seem to snap or bite or rake its claws at him without being caught by a fist or a foot or a throw in return. But the wolf would heal, almost instantly from anything he did—and surprisingly, so did he. The wolf was used to running its prey down and then fighting when it needed to, or in relatively quick battles to assert dominance over another wolf. Ares wasn't used to fighting with so much intensity, but his own determination not to fall to the wolf helped him to overcome his fatigue.
Time seemed to have little meaning, and the occasional breaks between them to catch a breath began to take longer and longer, until he realized that they had been resting long enough to no longer be panting.
"We could continue doing this," Ares offered a tired growl, "Or we can agree that this isn't getting us anywhere."
The wolf seemed almost not to answer, before he heard the tired reply. Very well.
He slowly dropped down to his knees, and then fell back on to his behind, suddenly weary to his bones. The wolf seemed to relax as well, and then dragged itself to sit before him. You are a worthy foe, the wolf continued, a worthy challenge.
"Do we need to be foes?" Ares sighed.
No, the wolf answered. Our fight was for dominance, over who of us would be the one most in control.
"In control of what?"
In control of us, the wolf answered, we are in the dreamscape of your mind, and outwardly your body fights and your body heals. When it is healed, there needs to be control. There are those who can control, there are those who can share control, there are those who are controlled, and there are those who have no control.
"How do you mean that?" he asked.
Those who can control, they are best in the places where nature has been controlled, the wolf explained, they control the wolf and set it to slumber, until they have need of the natural parts of themselves. Those who are controlled, they are best in the places where nature is in control; they allow the wolf to roam free, no matter their form, and are not well suited for the general blight of those on two legs.
"And those who can share control, they're good in places of nature and where there isn't much nature, correct?" Ares picked up on what the wolf was going on. "They are both wolf and in control of the wolf, able to allow the wolf to roam free, and yet to set it to slumber when the wolf should slumber?"
You would be correct, the wolf bobbed its head a bit.
There seemed to be something that the wolf wasn't yet saying.
"That's not all, is there?"
No, the wolf gently shook its head. Our fight also represents the strength of the bond that can be forged between us. Those whose bond between the wolf and the two legs is strong, will be very much in control of themselves. Those whose bond between the wolf and the two legs is weak, will not be so much in control of themselves. And those whose bond between the wolf and the two legs is not forged, are ones who do not have control at all. They are the dangerous ones, because they are lost within themselves, so busy fighting between the wolf and the two legs that they must perish.
"And how do we stand?" Ares thought before he could stop himself from doing so.
The wolf leaned forward and brushed his nose across the bottom of his foot.
Our bond is very strong, the wolf answered. And I believe that I may consent to share control with you.
Ares snorted. "That would be the other way around, buddy," he growled good naturedly.
Do you really want to test that? the wolf tossed back at him.
"Let me put it to you this way," Ares grinned back, "I'm wise enough to know that I can control you, but still wise enough to know that continuing to fight has no worth, and that you would be a better companion than a continued foe."
Hmm, the wolf murmured, and then was silent for a few moments. Wise indeed.
The 'tone' of the wolf's 'voice' seemed almost amused.
"What else can you tell me about us?" Ares asked, looking back at the wolf now. "I would like to know all that you can tell me."
He almost felt the surprise coming from the wolf, before the wolf bobbed its head again, apparently nodding at him.
Wise indeed, the wolf repeated. There is great magic in the wolf that is us, but there is also magic that can be touched by the wolf that is us as well. Many do not have ears to listen, and few who have ears do not choose to listen. But you seek to hear, and you wish to make use of your ears. Perhaps there is much you can learn that has not been learned for quite some time.
The wolf told him about the bonds of a pack, and how the pack felt one another through those bonds, and how the strength of the bond between the Alpha of a pack and his pack members grew stronger with each addition to the pack, and weakened with each loss. The wolf explained that some Alphas had learned to direct energy along the pack bonds, sometimes to damage, sometimes to heal, and how they could even use the bonds to convey general emotions.
The wolf then explained that, in a sufficiently strong and stable pack, that all of its members could do that, the strength of their abilities being relative to their ranking within the pack. The wolf also explained that a sufficiently strong wolf, and a sufficiently strong wolf in a strong and stable pack, could do more with those bonds than most were aware of. Exactly what 'more' that was, the wolf kept quiet on; the wolf did hint that it would lead him towards what that 'more' was, whenever he was close to figuring it out.
The wolf told him about how he could touch the magic all around him to help both speed up his change from human to wolf and back again, as well as to help make the change less painful—and that he would be able to do that for his pack if he led one, or for his mate if he took one who was also a wolf. One of the final pieces of information that the wolf explained to him was about some of the senses and abilities of the wolf could be passed through to the human side, at times, and depended on the strength and control of the bond that existed between the wolf and the human.
"So, the most important question," Ares looked back at the wolf when it was done with the explanations, "How does our connection work for us? How do we share in this magic between us?"
The wolf gave him a look that he would have sworn was something of a smile.
Our bond is strong, the wolf began, though until we have learned to feel the bond between us and listen to what is expressed through that bond, our change between the wolf and the two legs will be painful. The wolf seemed to think for a moment, then continued. To change between one of our forms or another, you must visualize the form you wish, and then give control to that aspect of ourself. It will take time and concentration at first, but when the bond is secure, there will be little pain and little time wasted.
There will be strong urges that your two legs may not feel are proper, the wolf added, and until our bond is secure, we will need to concentrate to control them, lest they control us, or we will need to discover how to sate those urges in more proper ways.
He got the idea that the wolf wasn't exactly telling him exactly what he needed to know here, but at the same time, he also got the idea that the wolf, seeing things from its own perspective, might not view 'proper' in the same way his human side would, and so wasn't speaking on those things because it didn't see anything improper about them. He had an idea or two, but decided he'd wait until those urges came about, before he'd try to judge them as improper or not.
The wolf fell quiet, and for a short while, the silence between Ares and the wolf sat undisturbed, though the sounds of nature did offer the quiet backdrop of a pleasing distraction.
"What of you?" Ares offered after a while, "What of the two legs does the wolf want to know? Or what does the wolf need to know?"
Hmm, the wolf seemed to ponder for a few moments, again I say, wise indeed. The wolf went quiet again for a bit, before speaking once more. The social structure of our pack is complex, but it is also decently straightforward. In comparison, the social structure of the two legs is…almost completely beyond my ability to understand; is this something you can explain?
Ares fell over onto his back, laughing. "Oh, it could take several years to really answer that question," he managed through his laughter, "but I will try to explain some things."
Ares began with the ideas of dominance and submission as they applied to humans, in their loveplay and in their workplaces, in their social interactions and their hierarchy of governance. That lead him into social interactions as a whole, and he went off on a tangent for a while discussion the ideas of personal responsibility verses many humans' deliberate but unintentional projection of 'unspoken expectations'—
But how can one be deliberate, and accidental, in the same time? the wolf asked.
"I call it programming," Ares grinned at the wolf. "It is the two leg version of instinct, and a very poor version of it at that.
"We are taught certain things about how the world is supposed to work, from a very young age; I presume wolves do something like this, too, teaching their young to eat, to hunt, to play, and about how to survive among the adults and how to become an adult. The two legs do this, too, but there are so many rules and because of that, so many of the two legs assume that when they are adults, that everyone knows all the same rules of their pack that they know, and sometimes no one will speak about these rules or the things they think or feel about these rules because they assume that the other people have those same thoughts and feelings about those rules because they do.
"But because the two legs have to think, instead of knowing it by instinct like wolves do, and because each two legs thinks in a different way about some of the tiny things in their lives than each other, sometimes they think they know what another two legs is thinking, or what another two legs will do, and so they believe that they can know what to expect. It is deliberate because it is how the two legs tend to teach their young, but it is accidental because many of the two legs do not actually talk about whether or not how they think and feel about the rules is how another thinks and feels about the rules."
The wolf blinked, and then blinked some more; Ares could almost see the "what in the Goddess' creation are these humans about?" in the wolf's expression.
That sounds like insanity, the wolf said at length.
Ares laughed heartily at that. "You haven't heard anything yet!" he told the wolf.
He went on to tell the wolf about the different cultures of humanity—the different 'packs' of the two legs—and the languages, sometimes many different languages in the same 'pack'; the wolf gave a melodramatic sigh and collapsed onto its side.
So much! the wolf mock-groaned. I am aware of the blight of the two legs upon Mother Nature, but to have so much confusion and so much knowledge to carry with you- it is no wonder that the two legs have lost their way in the World, and come to seek balance with the wolf!
Ares chuckled softly at that statement, but turned it over in his mind for a few moments before tucking it away for the possibility of further contemplation. "You may be correct," he offered. "And for now, there is nothing more I can teach you; like me, you—we, will have to learn how to be both two legs and wolf, living in both worlds. If you continue to teach me what I need to know, I will do the same."
Agreed, the wolf gave a bobbing nod of its head. I am pleased to share in your wisdom, and I will endeavor to continue to share my wisdom with you, human.
"Hey!" Ares cried in amused surprise, "You know the word human? And you have an actual vocabulary!"
The wolf gave a shaking laugh of its own. I am not as learn'ed of the ways of the human world as you are, brother Ares, the wolf grinned through his toothy muzzle, but I am not stupid.