Chapter 3: The Not-So Great Orator

Later that day, the school filed into the auditorium for an assembly so that all the candidates for each position could give a speech as to why they should be elected.

Naturally, this started with the lower positions and would slowly move up to those running for President.

Calvin was in the back grumbling. He had received a talking-to from Principal Spittle about the majority of his posters not being appropriate for the election. Despite this, he used this to add some more to what he believed would be a "monumental speech".

Of course, Hobbes had tried convincing him of some better ideas, but Calvin being Calvin rejected them all.

Unbeknownst to Calvin, Hobbes had snuck into the auditorium and was hiding in the back, waiting to see how Calvin's speech would go.

Eventually, it became time for those running for President to give their speeches.

"And now, we will finally hear from our three candidates for Student Council President. First we will hear from Moe." Miss Wormwood announced over a microphone.

Moe walked out determined, and went up to the podium.

"Heh, heh. Hey everyone. You should all vote for me. I know I ain't everyone's favorite, but if I win, I'll try and be a little nicer. Maybe I'll give some of the lunch money back as well. Or even better, you can give your lunch money to me for a good cause! A cause that would prevent more attacks on the Twinky! That's why you should vote for me as the President! Otherwise, you'll be stuck with the same ol' me, and I most of you don't wanna have that!"

Silence filled the auditorium, with the exception for Moe's few friends clapping and whistling at him.

"You tell 'em Moe!" They cheered as Moe bowed and walked off stage.

"That was perhaps the most pathetic speech I've ever head." Calvin commented to Moe as he walked backstage.

"Can it twinky..." Moe grumbled as he showed his fist at Calvin before walking away. Calvin of course flinched in terror.

"Well, thank you Moe..." Miss Wormwood said blankly, "Up next we have Susie."

As Susie walked on stage, people could hear boos from Calvin coming from backstage, which led to some audible groans.

Susie glared at Calvin before beginning her speech.

"Thank you... If I were to become Student Council President, I have some ideas that I think could make our school even better! For starters, if elected, I'd like to start up a tutoring center for those students who are struggling..."

Calvin groaned, he knew that Susie's speech would try and incorporate more learning. He was of the belief that Susie was trying to make the school even worse. He eventually tuned out when Susie began talking about adding healthier options to the cafeteria.

Calvin eventually started paying attention again when Susie finished her speech and received a huge round of applause.

"Oh brother, she's really brainwashing these freaks..." Calvin groaned.

"Thank you Susie for that excellent speech." Miss Wormwood remarked, "Finally, we have... Calvin to present his speech."

Calvin strutted across the stage to the podium, extremely confident in himself.

"Five more years until retirement..." Miss Wormwood sighed as she braced herself for Calvin's speech.

"Icky girls and gentleman! I will begin this speech with a famous saying from the great historical figure Patrick Ewing! He once said, "Give me death, or give me emancipation!"

"He somehow made it even worse than I remembered... Why am I even surprised..." Hobbes remarked as he facepalmed.

Principal Spittle and Miss Wormwood exchanged glances, they knew that Calvin's speech was going to be something else.

"Why do I offer that quote? Its to show you all that I want to provide freedom to this school! For years, this asylum has continued to worsen in quality! And it will only become worse if you even THINK about electing the two other bozos that are running!"

"I should've brought a video camera, then this would be great to use as an example of how NOT to deliver a speech..." Hobbes mused to himself.

"And I see some of you doubters giving me looks, but don't doubt me! If you let Crooked Susie or Sleepy Moe win this election, anarchy would occur! If you let that big galoot win, he'll just legalize bullying and him and his goons will turn this place into the wild west! Plus, we'd be subjected to playing inhumane activities that some classify as sports!"

"You're just a sissy Twinky!" Moe yelled out from the crowd.

"Nobody cares what you think!" Calvin shot back, "Anyway, continuing on. If you were to elect Susie DORKins, we'd be stuck with even more school! She acts like we wouldn't, but she'll make us go to school 24/7! And we have to go to school too much as is! That's why if you elect I, Calvin the Bold, or otherwise known as Calvin: Boy of Destiny, I would usher in a new era for this school!"

"An era that would be even worse..." Susie grumbled under her breath.

"Once I'm President, I'll limit our time in school! I'll give us REAL lunches! Pizza and burgers everyday! I'll also redesign our education system, so that math and all that other boring junk is deemed irrelevant! Dinosaurs will be the name of the game!"

"Shouldn't we stop this? Its obvious he has no idea what being Student Council President entails." Miss Wormwood inquired to Principal Spittle.

"Nah, let him run his mouth." Principal Spittle replied, "Just let him prove to everyone that he shouldn't be the President.

"I'll also make sure that my enemies are taken care of! G.R.O.S.S. will become a leading school club! Calvinball will be the only sport allowed, and everyone will be required to partake! Most importantly, I will make sure that everyone will understand that I'm the greatest leader around! I'll prove to everyone that I'm the man that should be put in charge of everything, and show that all the stories and accusations made against me in the past are FALSE!"

"But what about the Noodle Incident?!" A few kids called out from the auditorium.

"I WAS FRAMED! NOT TO MENTION THAT WHOLE THING IS NOTHING MORE BUT UNVARNISHED TRUTH!"

Dead silence filled the auditorium.

"So that's why you should vote for me. And given by your silence, I am confident that I left you all speechless, and I am greatly looking forward to my landslide victory!"

And with that, Calvin walked off the stage, just as confident as he was before.

"If he seriously thought that silence was a good thing, he's going to be in for a rude awakening." Hobbes remarked as he left the auditorium.

And sure enough, he was right.

The next day, Calvin was heading towards his locker at the end of the day, and he noticed that the school newspaper had printed a story about the Student Council Elections.

Calvin ran up and swiped a copy and began reading, looking for any mention of him.

Following yesterday's speeches, students were polled on who they planned on voting for.

If the polling holds true, it looks like Susie will win in a landslide, with 99% planning on voting for her for Student Council Election. On the other hand, only 1% of students said that they planned on voting for Moe, with a whopping 0% planning on voting for Calvin.

Calvin saw this, and naturally, was outraged.

"ZERO PERCENT?! WHAT KIND OF BLASPHEMY IS THIS?!" Calvin exclaimed in disbelief.

"There is no blasphemy, your speech was perhaps one of the worst speeches delivered in the entirety of history." The kid at the newspaper stand replied back.

"Baloney! Its clear that there is rigging going on here..." Calvin remarked.

"Rigging? What are you talking about?" The kid asked confused.

"Don't play dumb! Its obvious that the school is trying to rig this election for Susie! They gave you phony data to put in because they're afraid of me wanting to make this school better!" Calvin claimed.

"Oh give it a rest Calvin!" Susie exclaimed as she walked up to grab a paper for herself, "Your speech was horrendous, even Moe's was better than yours! You should really just drop out so you don't embarrass yourself even more!"

"I'd never admit defeat to a girl! Besides, it goes without saying you're in cahoots with the school so they can rig it for little miss perfect!" Calvin shot back.

"Oh shut up Calvin! The election isn't being rigged against you! You're just a terrible candidate!" Susie retorted as she walked off.

Calvin grumbled as he crumpled the paper up and threw it at the kid, who remained unfazed at Calvin's outbursts.

"99% for Susie huh? Maybe you should just throw in the towel now." Hobbes remarked after listening to Calvin complain about it at home.

"No way Hobbes! I'm not giving up! Its clear that this election is being rigged against me!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Not a single person clapped for your speech yesterday, everyone loved Susie's and even a few people liked Moe's, I think you would save yourself the hassle of campaigning for something you have no chance at winning." Hobbes suggested.

"So what?! Everyone always tell me that silence is golden! They LOVED it! They were just so moved by my speech they didn't know what to do or say! Even my doubters didn't provide much comeback!" Calvin retorted.

"Sure they did..." Hobbes said sarcastically, "If you still think that you have an iota of a chance at winning this election, what are you going to do?"

"Oh, I have a plan..." Calvin said menacingly as he rubbed his hands together.

Hobbes groaned, he had no idea what kind of plans Calvin had up his sleeve, but he knew that is certainly wasn't anything good.