Chapter 4: McCalvinism

Calvin snickered as he worked on his newest poster.

"If this doesn't win everyone over, then I don't know what will." Calvin remarked as he put the finishing touches on his poster.

"Dare I even look?" Hobbes inquired as he poked his head up from a comic book to see what Calvin had designed, and was flabbergasted at what he saw.

Don't patronize communists like Susie and Moe, vote for Calvin so that communism can go away forever!

"Communism?! You barely understand political ideologies as is!" Hobbes exclaimed.

"So what? Everyone says that communists are bad Hobbes. It worked in the 50s, so why wouldn't it work now?" Calvin inquired.

"For one, we live in a much different era from before." Hobbes explained, "For two, nobody would take such a wild claim at face value, especially a claim coming from you."

"But its communism Hobbes! We're all kids! We're easily impressionable! They should know that communism is bad!" Calvin claimed.

"Do you even know what communism even is?" Hobbes asked.

Silence filled the room.

"Well... Its... uh... y'know, being a tyrant, a dictator... stuff like that! Yeah.."

"I don't even know what it is myself but I'm pretty confident in telling you that's wrong."

"Oh YEAH? You lived in the jungle, so you wouldn't have known because you were disconnected from the rest of society!"

"Yes, and sometimes the less you know, the better off you are."

"You're just jealous that I have brilliant ideas that you couldn't even dream of coming up with! This is absolutely, one hundred percent, going to solidify my victory!"

Hobbes sighed, he knew that at this point, there was no convincing Calvin otherwise to rethink his strategy, even though it was going to do nothing more than dig him an even deeper grave.

And sure enough, that's exactly what would happen the next day.

Calvin was busy placing the final of his newest posters when he heard an all to familiar voice coming at him angrily.

"CALVIN YOU BALONEY BRAIN!" Susie called out.

Calvin looked and saw that Susie was coming at him furiously.

"Why hello Susie, what seems to be the problem?" Calvin asked nonchalantly.

"Don't play dumb with me! Out of all the stunts you've pulled, this is one of the worst! You're really trying to convince people that I'm a communist?! Are you out of your mind?!" Susie exclaimed angrily.

"Sounds like something a communist would say." Calvin shot back.

"Oh shut up Calvin! You better take those down or else I'm telling!" Susie snapped back.

"And why should I? I'm trying to win an election here! You're just mad that I'm exposing the TRUTH!" Calvin exclaimed.

"Calvin, all your posters contain nothing but lies! You just can't accept the fact that you have no chance at winning, and you're taking it out on us!" Susie retorted.

But before Calvin could respond, he felt himself being grabbed off the ground. He turned around, and found that it was none other than Moe who had grabbed him.

"Why... hello Moe..." Calvin said nervously.

"Hey Twinky, I see you've resorted to callin' me a commie. Not only is that just wrong, I just don't know what it means... and for that, you're getting a walloping..." Moe said annoyed.

"Can't we just talk through-"

WHAM!

Moe gave a good punch to Calvin, sending him flying a good six feet.

Dazed, Calvin slowly got up to see Moe ripping down his poster.

"HEY! STOP THAT YOU BRUTE! I WORKED VERY HARD ON THAT!" Calvin exclaimed as he began running towards Moe.

"Gonna have to get it from me first Twinky!" Moe laughed as he ran off with the poster in pursuit.

Naturally, Calvin gave chase to Moe, all while screaming in protest.

"STOP THAT COMMUNIST! HE'S TRYING TO HIDE THE TRUTH!" Calvin yelled while chasing Moe.

Of course, Calvin had zero success in trying to catch Moe, and eventually lost track of him.

Calvin was panting exhausted when he came across a group of kids laughing at his poster.

"Communism? He's gone off the deep end for sure!" One kid laughed.

"Yeah! Gotta give him credit though, his outlandish lies fit in with some of the politicians we have today!" Another laughed.

Calvin was furious to see kids mocking his poster.

"YOU'RE ALL COMMUNIST SYMPATHIZERS!" Calvin screamed out.

Everyone looked at him in shock, dumbfounded at what Calvin had just said.

"YOU HEARD ME! IF YOU VOTE FOR CROOKED SUSIE OR SLEEPY MOE, THEN YOU'RE VOTING FOR COMMUNISM!"

"You don't even know what communism is! You're just making up more stuff to try and make yourself look good, which literally everyone can see through!" A kid exclaimed.

"OH YEAH?! ONCE I'M ELECTED, YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO BE SENT TO THE FEDS ALONG WITH SUSIE AND MOE FOR SUPPORTING SOMETHING... SOMETHING... BAD!"

Miss Wormwood overheard some commotion and saw Calvin continuing to scream about communism, how the election was being rigged and the like, and let out a long sigh.

As Calvin continued to yell and scream, Miss Wormwood grabbed Calvin and dragged him to the Principal's Office.

"SEE? SEE?! THIS SCHOOL IS TRYING TO SILENCE ME! THEY DON'T WANT ME WINNING AND EXPOSING THE TRUTH TO EVERYONE! THE TRUTH BE FREE IF YOU ELECT ME! ELECT MEEEEEEE!"

"It'll be nothing short of a miracle if I can last five more years before retiring..." Miss Wormwood said sighing.

Principal Spittle sighed as he looked at Calvin.

"Calvin, you can never make anything easy for us, can you?" Principal Spittle asked to Calvin.

"What?! I'm just trying to expose everyone to the truth! And all of you are trying to silence me so you can hand the election to Susie!" Calvin retorted.

"Calvin... Nothing about this election is rigged. To be frank, Susie has just ran a much better campaign than you have." Principal Spittle responded.

"AHA! You just admitted to trying to rig it!" Calvin exclaimed.

"No Calvin..." Principal Spittle sighed, "Unfortunately, by going up against Susie, who by all accounts is well-liked by her classmates, has won a lot of people. You on the other hand, given your reputation, hasn't really allowed you to gain much approval. Don't you think it would be wise to just drop out?"

"NEVER! Everyone is against me for things that I never did! I WILL win this election, no matter how hard you try and rig it for her!" Calvin remarked.

"Calvin, your only other opportunity is going to be the debate that's coming up soon, and I'm expecting you to behave while you're up there." Principal Spittle said to Calvin.

"I have behaved! I've only lashed out because I've been provoked by communists! You'll see! The best is yet to come!" Calvin proclaimed as he got up and stormed out of the office.

Principal Spittle groaned, he considered disqualifying Calvin from the race, but he knew that would just lead to even more problems with Calvin, so he figured it would be best to just weather the storm that is Calvin.

But of course, he would soon come to regret that decision...