Chapter Forty-Five: Punishment
Monday morning rolled around quickly, and Katsuki was not feeling the lecture on combat tactics, even though that was his favorite subject. His mind was focused elsewhere—on the back of blonde hair that smelled like orchid and honey, long and wavy with a shiny satin ribbon tied in the back. Slender elbows rested on the desk in front of her while she scribbled in her notebook for the first time in weeks. Occasionally, she could be seen absentmindedly twisting strands of silky hair between her fingers.
Katsuki felt elated when he saw her walk into class that morning—because it meant she was healthy enough to be attending classes, and that was great—only to have his joy crushed like a bug under a shoe when her eyes turned cold and hard as they met his gaze. The anger and resentment radiating off of her was almost too much for him to bear. He wondered if this was how she felt all the time when he looked at her—like a piece of meaningless cloth, similar to the ribbon in her hair, something disposable and easily replaceable.
He'd spent the entire weekend thinking about what happened in the infirmary on Friday. The words he'd said and Aisla's reaction to them. More than that, the pain of her fierce rejection.
"I forgive you."
God. How Katsuki wished he could take back those words, take back every word he'd ever said to her and start fresh. He'd replayed Friday night a thousand times in his head. He thought about what he could have said differently, how that could have been the night when he fixed this thing between them. He could have apologized for his half of the blame. He could have told her he cherished her, and that he wanted her in his life again. Instead, he'd let pride stunt him again, and now…?
This is all my fault.
It was as Aisla had said. He'd ignored her, been cold and callous for too long. He'd already gone too long hurting her, digging himself a grave that went deeper and deeper into the earth with each new wound he inflicted. The poem and party weren't even the issue anymore. It was the months that followed and the rift that grew between them, forced wider with each failed attempt to make things right. After Friday, when he pinned it all on her and tried to shrug off the weight of their problems… Of course she'd be wary around him; of course she'd be angry and want nothing to do with him.
But what will I do without you?
If he was being honest with himself… Really being honest… If he took the time to reflect, like he had been since their talk in the infirmary, then…he knew that Aisla had been the best thing that happened to him since…ever. He'd never met another person that he felt so completely whole with before. He was a better person when he was with her. He wasn't as cruel or hateful, people liked him a lot better, too.
Katsuki had been in denial long enough. Now, he had to figure out how to make things right again. Aisla was moving on, and if she was happier now then he was glad for that, but he wouldn't rest until he earned her forgiveness and erased the pain he'd caused her. If that was a possible feat, then he'd put his pride on the line to accomplish his goals.
Later that night, Katsuki found himself standing in front of Kirishima's door and trying to remind himself how to knock without punching a hole in the wood. He considered calling out to him, but then decided he didn't want everyone on their floor to know what Katsuki was doing. So, he took a deep breath, willed himself not to murder the door, and gave a light but insistent knock.
A moment later, Kirishima opened the door, eyes going wide at the sight of his best friend standing in his doorway. "Katsuki," he greeted. "Did you come to beat me up again? Because I'm not really in the mood—"
"Shut the hell up!" Katsuki barked as he pushed into the room and kicked the door shut behind him. "Tell me how to be nice or whatever!" he commanded, hoping his cheeks weren't burning as brightly as they felt like they were.
Kirishima's mouth fell open in shock, and for a moment he just stared at him wordlessly as if he couldn't remember how to speak.
"FORGET IT!" Katsuki growled, and started to leave.
"Hold up there, buddy." Kirishima held up a hand. "What's this about? Why are you asking me how to be nice?"
"Obviously because I'm not nice, you stupid rock!" he hissed through clenched teeth.
"Well, yeah," his friend agreed slowly, "but what does that have to do with me?"
Katsuki facepalmed, feeling more idiotic by the minute. He felt his body quivering with barely controlled rage and had to try and force down the urge to punch Kirishima in the face. "I don't know how to be…you know, normal. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I need to…"
"Get Aisla back?" his friend guessed, voice low. "Look, Katsuki. I'm not saying it's impossible, but at this point, it's going to take a lot of groveling to get that girl to forgive your utter assholishness. You have to be willing to step out of your Katsuki shell and tell her how you messed up and want to make up for it. You can't lock your feelings away forever."
Katsuki glared at the floor as he paced the small room. "Easy for you to say," he grumbled. "Aisla hates me right now! She doesn't want to hear about my feelings or whatever. She told me to leave her alone."
Kirishima winced. "Ooof, that's pretty rough, man. She's had a hard time, though. You can't really blame her. You guys had your falling out or whatever, then these rumors started going around. She's been dealing with a lot, and whatever you did really affected her long term. Your best bet right now is to let her know you're not going to avoid her anymore, stop saying shitty things to her, and show her that you want to change."
"How the hell do I do that?" Katsuki mumbled, kicking a dirty shirt with his toe.
"Well," his friend started. "You could try, I don't know, being nice to the girl?" He gave Katsuki a shrug when he looked back at him.
"I already told you, I'm not nice!" Katsuki snapped. "You're supposed to tell me what to say!"
Kirishima gave him a rueful smile. "Sorry, man, but this only works if it's coming from you. Aisla won't accept it any other way. It has to be your words, your ideas. I could tell you exactly what to do and say, but it won't mean anything if you're just reciting from a script. It has to come from the heart, man!"
Katsuki made a face.
Kirishima laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "It may sound like total girly crap, but it's true. If your words don't come from the heart, then they're meaningless. You're trying to earn back her heart, right?" He arched his eyebrows.
Katsuki scowled. "Hey, I never said anything about—"
Kirishima cut him off. "If you want her back, you have to be able to acknowledge what you want," he advised with a meaningful look. "Go on, Katsuki, say it outloud. You can do it!"
Katsuki growled, feeling more humiliated by the minute. "FORGET IT! I'M LEAVING!"
"You know I'm right!" his friend called after him as he made for the door. "You can't tell her until you've admitted it to yourself."
I've admitted it plenty, he inwardly grumbled as he slammed Kirishima's door shut. He stalked across the hall, fists clenched in their usual way, and eyes trained down as he glared holes in the floorboards. Stupid Kirishima. Stupid words. Stupid—
His thoughts were cut short as he suddenly collided with something and bounced off of it, stumbling backward. He blinked a few times until his eyes focused on the blonde girl crumpled at his feet and struggling to get up.
"A-Aisla?" He knelt by her side and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her to her feet. He didn't let go when she was standing, unable to remember how to make his arms move from her body. He hadn't had her in his arms since he'd taken her to see Recovery Girl, and that hardly counted in his mind. Now that she wasn't dying in his arms, he could appreciate how small and warm she felt. His hand touched the small of her waist, fingers gripping tightly as if afraid to let go.
She looked up at him with wide, surprised eyes. Her mouth formed the name, Katsuki, but she didn't let the word leave her lips. The sound was trapped inside her throat, pushed down and buried beneath boxes of pain, forgotten maybe. After what felt like an eternity, she stepped back from his hold and brushed off her skirt, averting her gaze.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"I know," she breathed.
And then she was gone, and Katsuki was left feeling even worse than he had that morning.
The next day didn't go any better for Katsuki. He spent the first half of the day trying not to hear a lecture from Midnight on sex education. She droned on and on in that way of hers that made everyone in the room feel violated in all the worst ways. He did his best to tune out the class by focusing his mind on something else.
Atonement, he thought as he allowed his eyes to drift closed. That was his goal. He needed to atone for his mistakes. Whether or not that brought Aisla back to him wasn't the point. Making right what he'd done was all that mattered right now. The only problem was…Katsuki had no fucking idea how to do it. He'd never been in this situation before, never felt the indescribable need to put everything he had on the line for another person. He didn't have the same feelings for anyone else that he had for Aisla.
Smack!
Katsuki jumped, eyes popping open at the sudden vibration from Midnight's flogger on his desk, centimeters from hitting his hands. He pulled them back and stared at her with wide eyes.
"Falling asleep in my class, Bakugo?" she asked as she teasingly slid her flogger across the surface of his desk. "Aren't you a naughty boy." She reached out and took his chin between her fingers and gave his face a little shake. "I think, perhaps, if you're so bored all the way back here by yourself…maybe you should come to the front of the class so you can see better."
A couple of students snickered at this. Katsuki's jaw dropped and his eyes grew impossibly wide. The idea of being that close to Midnight while she taught a sex ed class was horrifying to him. He'd rather eat a live snake. He'd rather snuggle with Deku.
He shook his head harshly. "HELL NO!"
"Oh, come on now!" she purred and yanked him up by one arm. She dragged him behind her to the front of the class so he stood right next to her. "Now, where were we? Oh yes! Condoms! Bakugo." Midnight turned toward him, but Katsuki couldn't speak or move or breathe with the humiliation of this occurrence. "Would you mind demonstrating this for us?"
Stifled laughs and more snickering ensued, but he barely heard them over the pounding in his ears. What the hell did she mean by that? She couldn't possibly expect him to show everyone in class how to use one of those things.
His hand was lifted without his consent and something long and rubbery was placed in his palm. It's a fucking dildo! he silently panicked as his fingers shook with the refusal to wrap around the object. He started to faint, he was going to pass out and die and never come back to class again.
"No, you don't~" Midnight sang as she caught him and lifted him onto his feet again. "Be a good boy and remind everyone here how to properly put on a condom! You get a gold star if you do it right the first time." She winked and Katsuki felt his blood turn to ice.
Kill me now, he thought. Anyone, please put me out of my misery.
His gaze flicked over to where Aisla sat looking just as horrified as he felt—cheeks flushed bright red from embarrassment, eyes dilated, jaw slack. Her fingers gripped the sides of her desk as if in an attempt to stop herself from fleeing the room.
God is punishing me, he silently moaned. This is what I deserve for hurting Aisla.
Midnight smacked her flogger on Mr. Aizawa's desk to get Katsuki's attention. "Go on," she prodded.
Katsuki looked down at the very innocent banana in his hand now and gave a sigh of relief. Not rubber, at least, but just as embarrassing.
She passed over a square of foil with an expectant expression, and watched with illegal curiosity while Katsuki fumbled to rip the package open and slide the thing on the fruit. Once it was on completely, he shoved the object into her hand and fled the room without waiting for permission.
He was still shaking off chills as he walked, brain struggling to make sense of the jarring contrast between his very serious thoughts about being a better person, and the horrifying embarrassment of the sex ed class. How was he ever supposed to focus on being an overall nicer guy when there were stupid distractions everywhere?! It was like trying to solve a puzzle in a noisy cafeteria with people passing trays over all the pieces while he was working on it. This wasn't even about getting Aisla back, he knew he had a snowball's chance in hell at that ever happening, despite Kirishima's optimism. Katsuki just wanted to be better again. He wanted to be the kind of person he was starting to turn into under her influence. He wanted to progress again.
He booked it down the hall so fast he ran into someone—again. This time, at least, it wasn't Aisla who took the brunt of his body barrelling into her. This time, the recipient was a boy with short blond hair and an arrogant expression that made Katsuki instantly want to lash out and hit the guy.
"Watch where you're going, you big brute," Monoma taunted with obnoxious laughter. "Although, I guess that's not in your nature. You're just an overpowered bull who tramples down anyone in his way."
Ordinarily, Katsuki would have delivered a quick blast to the asshole's chest, yelled "Get out of my way," and stormed down the hall, but…
"That's not in your nature."
Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks and turned on the other blond. "What have they been calling her?"
Monoma blinked in confusion, his smirk faltering. "I have no idea what you mean."
Katsuki's jaw clenched and his eyebrow twitched in barely contained anger. "You're the one who told me about the rumors, and I know you were trying to get a message across! You've been listening, right? What have you heard?!"
Monoma's blue eyes seem to darken a shade with understanding. "Ah, so you want to take action after all."
Katsuki advanced and Monoma sucked in a sharp breath as he instinctively backed up against the wall. "What are they saying about her and who started the rumors?"
Monoma frowned. "Sorry, Bakugo, I'm afraid I don't know the original source. If you're really that eager to know, then the word of the day is 'Aisla Whore-u.' Someone thinks they're quite clever for coming up with that one, though I personally find it crass."
Katsuki grabbed him by his shirt's collar and pulled him up so that he could snarl in his face. "You listen to me, asshole," he said darkly, red eyes blazing like Mr. Aizawa's when he activated his quirk. "I want you to tell everyone you hear talking shit about Aisla that they'd better shut their mouths now, or they're dead."
Monoma flinched but amazingly held his gaze. Katsuki's fingers tightened so much that it hurt, and he knew he was spitting as he continued. "And you're right. I am a fucking bull, and I do trample people down, but I'm not hurting anyone I care about ever again! Instead, I'll trample every asshole who spreads rumors about Aisla Haru, I don't care if it gets me suspended or expelled. You spread the word, you piece of garbage! Tell all of those bastards that the next time someone talks shit, I'll crush them."
Monoma's hands went up in a placating gesture, and Katsuki finally released him. He ran a hand through his hair and offered Katsuki a…smile, of some kind. "Well, I can't very well disobey an order like that. I'll make sure everyone knows about your threat, you big bull. You just make sure it's not an empty one, okay?"
With that, the other boy waved and walked away, leaving Katsuki still fuming in the hallway. Not only had he been utterly humiliated by Midnight in front of his whole class, but then he had to deal with Monoma and these rumors.
Rumors…
Atonement…
Katsuki facepalmed at his own foolishness. It was because of him that those rumors even began. He still wasn't sure why they'd started or who was the mastermind behind them, but he was determined to put an end to all of it. Aisla deserved that much. He wanted her to feel safe to walk the halls without fear of everyone whispering about her. He wanted to beat the living shit out of every single person who'd said anything even remotely cruel about Aisla, but he knew that wasn't the right approach here.
She wouldn't like that, he thought as he pictured Monoma's face. She doesn't like violence. You have to settle this without resorting to old ways.
Still, a threat and the fact that he was making a stand had to count for something. Once he got to the source of the rumors, he'd find a way to make them stop without blowing them to smithereens.
Katsuki wasn't good with words, but this would be the first step in learning how to use them.
Katsuki came to class early the next day. He was in his seat a full twenty minutes before the first classmate came through the door.
Iida gave him a surprised look when he walked in. "Bakugo! How nice to see you in class so early! I trust you've recovered from yesterday?"
Katsuki felt pale at the unwanted memory of sex ed. "Don't ever mention that again," he said, feeling suddenly nauseous.
"Duly noted!" Iida said as he walked to his own desk at the back of the room and sat down.
Yaoyorozu came in next and gave him an equally shocked look. "Bakugo, you're not usually here so early."
"YEAH, I KNOW I'M ALWAYS LATE, OKAY?! DON'T RUB IT IN!" As far as reigning in his temper went…he wasn't doing a great job so far.
When all the other students and even Mr. Aizawa filed in, but still Aisla was nowhere to be seen, Katsuki had a sudden panic that she wouldn't be there at all. He had gotten up early for nothing if she didn't show.
"Alright, today we're going to be discussing—" Mr. Aizawa stopped abruptly when the door suddenly flew inward. His eyes narrowed. "Miss Haru, how nice of you to join us. Please have a seat."
"Sorry, sir!" she stammered as she hastily made her way to her desk and sat down. She hung her bag on the hook on its side, pulled out a notebook and pen, then sat dutifully at the ready.
"Anyway," Mr. Aizawa continued. "As I was saying, today we will be discussing final projects. We still have another two months before summer vacation, but that doesn't mean you all get to slack off until the last minute. I'm talking to you, Kaminari."
Snickers filled the room.
"You'll be working in teams of three, since we have an odd number of students this year," Mr. Aizawa explained as he paced in front of the class. "I encourage you all not to take this project lightly—it will determine whether or not some of you remain in the hero course for the next school year. You do not get to choose your partners, but it is your responsibility as a team to come up with the project you wish to do. You must all have equal parts in its entirety, including the presentation at the end of June. I expect you all to work hard and prove yourselves."
Katsuki wasn't paying attention to the lecture. He was staring at Aisla's desk, watching her reactions, so he noticed right away when she reached into her desk and pulled out the shiny red apple he'd snuck into it. She stared at it for so long, Katsuki thought she might be trying to make it disappear in her hand. He watched her head lift toward the front of the room and followed her gaze to where Mr. Aizawa was shaking his head at her. She turned the apple in her hand a few more times, then sat it on the edge of her desk. Katsuki's gaze shifted back to their teacher, who seemed to give Aisla a barely perceptible nod, then again, he might have been stretching a kink in his neck.
What's he nodding about? he wondered, as Aisla reached for the apple and took a tentative bite. The barely audible crunch of the fruit in her mouth was enough to make his mouth water. He imagined her lips and tongue caressing the fruit, her teeth digging into its flesh, then drawing the juice into her mouth. She took another bite and chewed slowly, letting out a soft sigh as if her mind wasn't on the apple either.
Katsuki knew he shouldn't be thinking about things like that, but…seeing her actually take a bite made him so indescribably happy that for a second his thoughts got out of control.
"Miss Haru," their teacher called sternly from the front of the room. "How many times do I have to tell you not to eat in my class?" Katsuki could see Aisla's mouth fall open from where he sat and noticed the juicy gleam on her lips while she stared wide-eyed at their teacher. "While I'm pleased to see you actually eating for once, I don't want you doing it during the class period."
Aisla sat the apple down and cowered in her seat under their teacher's piercing glare. "S-Sorry, sir! I just thought you—"
"That pocky incident last time was bad enough," he snapped harshly. "Stop bringing food to my class or you can enjoy it in detention this afternoon."
She slumped further in her seat. "Yes, sir…"
Katsuki felt his cheeks burn as guilt radiated through him. That had not gone according to plan. He'd thought if he offered her a gift of food, that maybe she'd start to hate him a little less. Girls liked it when you brought them food, right? Then, she'd taken a bite and her tongue had slid over her lips, reminding him of those moments where he'd done the same, and Katsuki nearly forgot his own innocent intentions. But then Mr. Aizawa had to go ruin everything by yelling at her, and now Katsuki had to apologize for getting her into trouble.
She was never going to forgive him at this rate.
"Let's discuss teams," Mr. Aizawa continued. "The first team will be Ashido, Kaminari, and Ojiro. The next teams will be as follows: Yaoyorozu, Tokoyami, and Iida. Hagakure, Midoriya, and Shoji… " He paused and peered at his list with a frown, then glanced right over at Katsuki. "Haru, Todoroki…and Bakugo."
Katsuki's eyes dilated in response. He hadn't expected this turn of events. He always got stuck with Kaminari and Kirishima for these types of things. And he was pretty sure Mr. Aizawa didn't want him near his favorite protégé based on the death glare he was shooting Katsuki across the room.
"Uraraka, Kirishima, and Sato will be the next group," Mr. Aizawa continued without looking away from Katsuki. "Then Asui, Sero, and Koda. Jiro, Mineta, and Aoyama are the last team. There will be no complaining or I'll fail your whole group, is that clear?"
A resounding, yes sir! filled the room in response.
When Mr. Aizawa turned back to write something on the board, Aisla looked back at Katsuki with an accusing glare as if to say, you did this on purpose, didn't you?
Katsuki shook his head vehemently. It wasn't me, he mouthed.
Her eyes narrowed and she turned back to her own desk. Aisla didn't look at Katsuki again for the rest of the class period. Her gaze was fixed firmly on her paper as she furiously wrote notes. The tip of her mechanical pencil kept breaking off every few minutes from pushing down so hard, and her body was rigid with what he recognized as barely controlled rage. She was so mad that she had to be in the same group as he was. Katsuki didn't see what the big deal was—her best friend was in the group, too. It wouldn't just be her and Katsuki. They probably wouldn't even have to interact with each other at all. If they did, surely they could be cordial enough for one project?
They had a list of approved options each group was allowed to choose from, and they were all instructed to get together with their groups after lunch and discuss what they wanted to do, and come up with a schedule until class ended. If they finished early, they were allowed to begin working on their projects right away.
Katsuki waited until the lunch bell rang, watched as Aisla fled the room even faster than he could have, then walked straight up to Mr. Aizawa's desk. He was giving Katsuki a knowing glare that gave him the answer to his question before he'd even asked.
"No," his teacher said.
"You don't even know what I'm going to say!" Katsuki snapped.
Mr. Aizawa sighed. "Look, Bakugo, I know you don't want to be in the same group as those two, but that's just how the automatic generator decided to put everyone. It was random selection. It wasn't me trying to be cruel and force you to be with classmates you hate."
"I don't hate Aisla!" he fumed.
His teacher gave him another pointed look. "You have a funny way of showing that," he deadpanned. "Either way, I'm afraid that you and Miss Haru are going to have to get over your differences for the time being. There will be no switching," he added when Katsuki opened his mouth to argue. "Now, get out of my classroom. Ask me one more question and I'll fail you on the spot."
Katsuki turned away and growled under his breath. Then, he saw the partially eaten apple on Aisla's desk and sighed.
"Mr. Aizawa?" he said slowly.
"Do you want to fail, Bakugo?"
"That apple Aisla had… I put it in her desk. I just…thought you should know."
Then he left without waiting to hear his teacher's response. He hadn't exactly made up for getting Aisla yelled at, but he'd made an effort to come forward with his mistake. If he could do that, then he could work up to the bigger mistakes with time. He needed to be a better person, not just for her but because he wanted to be. He liked the person he was around Aisla, but he couldn't use that as an excuse not to act the same way when she wasn't with him. Kirishima was right, it wouldn't be enough to just apologize and expect everything to go back to the way it was. If he wanted to make things right with her, then he had to show her he'd changed.
He wasn't going to be perfect, and he would probably mess up a lot along the way, but all he could do was his best. He couldn't expect anything monumental to happen right away, but he hoped that even the tiniest change would be enough to show her that he was trying.
It's more than I deserve to hope for, but right now…that's all I have.
A/N: FINAL PROJECTS. This, my friends, is going to be the next arc we're moving into. I can't remember how many chapters long it is, but I did a whole thing with it! It's not simply a "and we took our test, good for us" thing. There are lots of exciting things in store for you all! I hope you're ready for some ACTION!
Reviews:
MeMyselfAndI82907: It's okay that you didn't review! I missed your witty remarks, though! Thank you for taking the time to brighten my Friday's! It's always such a treat! "Perma ban" Lol. Yes, you get it! Aisla is at fault, Katsuki is at fault, they're both being stupid, but Katsuki is being a total ass about it. Chill out buddy. Is he redeeming himself a little in this chapter, perhaps? He's trying to get to the source of the rumors flooding around campus, trying to make an effort…sort of. Now, they have this project together. I wonder how that will go? XD Sorry Shinso, my buddy here has it out for you. Better run while you still can! Shoto is a good boy….and also not lol. He's got some stuff going on for sure, stuff involving feelings he shouldn't have. But hey, we can't help who we have feelings for. Poor Shoto. Katsuki, maybe you should take a note from his book instead of Kirishima lol. Although, he gave some solid advice, I believe!
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