Waking up

Chapter 12

She was crying. Crying so very hard.

Tears flooded down her face. They just wouldn't stop. She didn't want them to either.

Nothing mattered for now. She was finally getting used to the concerned looks on the other passengers' faces in the train carriage. Few had even mustered up the courage to ask if she was okay. However the majority just ignored her. She guessed that they were just used to this type of scene so close to the airport.

Molly was heartbroken.

It was the first time that she'd had to do this seriously.

The first time that she'd had to say goodbye. The first time the shoe had been on the other foot. Up until now she had been the one always going away. He had been the one waiting at home. Yet now with his recovery, he was fully fit and he was going back out there. He was off on his first major tour, and it was breaking her heart.

She would miss him, this wasn't a short period of time he was leaving her for; this was a full on, totally heart wrenching, physically missing six long months tour.

Six months of being without him, of not having him close to her.

Six months without having his arms to hold her.

Six months without having her best friend in her life, right next to her.

She had held it together all the way there as he had driven them silently to Brize Norton. It wasn't fair for him to see how upset she was, even though he knew. She instead stared out of the window as he drove. A false practiced smile plastered on her face whenever he spoke. Both playing the part of being totally fine with all that was happening. With their plans. Him driving them both, him leaving his car, her getting the train home and Charles getting on a plane. Separating them for six months. They both played the part that all was well. That all was fine.

It wasn't just the parting that was heart breaking, it was the uncertainty too. Uncertainty of just exactly how long they would be apart. There was no fixed return date for him, and there was no guarantee that when he did return she'd be there to meet him. She had heard the warning shots of a deployment for herself and her own section. So they both were preparing themselves for a long separation.

The time finally came to say goodbye. They had hugged each other, clung onto one another as if their lives depended on it. To some extent it did.

"I love you Mrs James." He said gently kissing her for the final time. "Stay safe."

She gave out a very weak smile at her new moniker. She nodded her head. "I will. I love you too." And then he was gone.

Quickly he adapted into the stern faced with Captain he always was, the professional soldier and he marched away from her. He didn't even look back. Not once.

The train tumbled on. She noticed that the tissue she held was no longer of any use; saturated and shredded. She rolled it tightly in her hands and stuffed it back into her pocket. Pulling out a new one, opening it up and re pleating it for more practical use. As she did so she noticed the cool platinum band on her left hand ,and the tasteful engagement ring that accompanied it. Her jewels. His claim on her.

Three months. That was all they had had. They had only been married three very short, but very happy months. And so now they were going to be apart for more than that.

Still she couldn't regret it. Never would no matter what. She would never regret it. Being his wife was the most perfect thing to do. The right thing to do.

She had surprised him. Knew that it was what he had wanted, but had never had the courage to come out and actually say it. Never brave enough to ask the question. Scared that she would have ran with the seriousness of it all. So he held his tongue, and in the end it had been all down to her.

Her wonderful idea to get married.

She knew she had been the one in the early stages of relationship, to ignore that suggestion, to push away from such a commitment. Unsure for so long if she deserved such a guy, it was all just too good to be true. It had taken him nearly two years to prove to her that she did deserve happiness, she was worth it, and he could never love another. And so just like that, with no pressure, or hints from Charles one day it just seemed right.

Elvis' engagement announcement had been the catalyst. She'd be forever thankful for that. All the wedding talk about Georgie and Elvis' wedding soon brought up the subject up between her and Charles. A casual throw away comment, made by him, and a stupid negative reply, made by her, showed Charles' true feelings. He'd taken it lightly but she had seen the deep hurt in his eyes.

She went to bed that night and over the following days really thought. Marriage to a man who she loved and who wanted her was a privilege. She was unsure now why she was putting it off any further.

The holiday was his idea. A crazy last-minute holiday to Las Vegas, where they remembered their mate, Smurf. A wild holiday for just them, being just them, and that's when she knew it was where she would really surprise him.

They both had intended on spending the first day and night on the strip. Being young, being carefree, her plans and strategy came together well. They gambled, they explored, and after almost 2 years from first becoming official as a couple, Molly and Charles finally became official as man and wife.

She simply asked him. He simply said yes. They both didn't want to wait, and so a little tasteful chapel sealed the deal.

There was no family there, the witnesses were anonymous, her dress was plain and hurriedly bought, but they had each other. It was what Molly felt suited her, and suited them. Charles happy to agree. The first time he had married it had meant very little. He was caught up in expectations and duties. The second time though he married for love, without everyone's expectations, and with a ceremony that meant everything.

The news of their marriage on their return was greeted by several different levels of understanding. Her mother especially was disappointed that she hadn't been there, but the party that they threw afterwards appeased most. Charles' parents were understanding. Accepting and happy, that this was his life and he was able to do with it what he wanted.

The biggest issue they had was with Sam.

Initially he was upset and unsure how to react to the news, but certain that he had missed out on something big. He sulked for days. Yet soon, after a trip to the Hard Rock Cafe, a new computer game and late night curfew, he reconsidered that having Molly as a step mum was a good thing. And so he finally forgave them.

By far the biggest change that came from marrying Charles was moving into married quarters on his base. A proper home. A half-way house between where she worked and where Sam lived. It was quite perfect.

Married life was perfect. That was right up until the day he walked through the door with a look up on his face that Molly knew spelt bad news. The day he explained that he was being posted to Iceland for a six months stint.

She tried to be brave, they both did, putting brave faces on in front of each other in an attempt not to show just how much their hearts were breaking at the thought of being separated.

And so it was months later that she found herself sat on the train trying to focus on the hours that had passed since he'd departed. She tried to focus on the fact that every moment of time without him was a moment of time that passed and brought him closer to coming home. To coming back to her.

The phone rang and broke the silence of the dark room. She rolled over and grabbed it knowing that it would finally be him. He'd been gone now for a day and a half, and apart from the one text to state that he had arrived, there had been nothing and she missed him. She missed that constant contact with him, that ability to know where he was and what he was doing.

"Hello." She tried to shake away the sleepiness that she knew her voice still held. She didn't want him to think she hadn't been waiting for his call or he had disturbed her.

"Molly? Molly is that you?" the voice was tinny down the line and seemed the thousand miles away that it was, and so he was shouting. "Is that you; can you hear me?"

"Charles? Charles yes I can hear you." Even she heard the desperation in her voice but she didn't care.

"Oh that's good. You are right? Everything okay?"

"Yeah everything is good. Everything is great. You?"

"Yes everything is good here; that's good and you're sure you're alright everything is alright, isn't it?"

"Yes everything is great. How is it?"

It had just been a minute into the conversation and still nothing had been said of any substance, it didn't matter. All that was expressed was how desperate they were to be talking to one another again. She knew the call would be short and she knew that they would be infrequent so she tried to remember each and every single detail of it.

"I can't talk long. Just thought I'd let you know that we're here. Everything is okay."

"Yes I know. Thank you. And so everything and everyone is okay?"

"Yes everything is good."

"And your leg?" It was something she always worried about; it was her main thing she was going to worry about. "And the accommodation and the lads?"

"Leg is okay" he shouted back down the line. "Bit stiff in the morning. Accommodation shit and the place is bloody freezing." She heard him attempt a laugh but the distance and the poor quality of the line almost stole it from her. "The lads are good."

She smiled. There was a sense of longing both for her husband and also for the boys she once knew so well.

"Bet they've been up to some fun. Keeping you on your toes." She shouted back at him.

There was a crackle and a long pause and she feared she had lost the connection on the line but eventually he came back. "Yes you could say that. You know what it's like. I will as soon as I can tell you everything."

"Yes I understand," she said "as long as you're okay."

"I'm cold. Pleased to have all the thermals you insisted I packed. But yeah good Molly thanks and you?" It must've been the dozenth time the question had been asked between them but it was an underlying need to know that everything was alright with each other that kept the conversation so mundane.

Then she took a step. So far the feelings had been expressed, not verbally, but desperately through the desperation in their voices. She took the step to verbalise it.

"I miss you so much." She shouted down the line hoping that not one single piece of that sentence was missing. "I love you Charles."

Thankfully there was no pause. She did not know what would have happened if she hadn't heard the words repeated back to her. She needed to hear them so much.

"I miss you too Molly. So very much. I love you."

She smiled. And she could tell as he said no more that the call was coming to an end. Then suddenly he started to utter the final words. "Anyway I have to be going. It was just a quick check in. To let you know. And just hope that you're okay."

"I'm okay." She said.

"Take care Molly. Stay safe. Remember to lock up on a night time. Love you."

"I will. You too. Be good. Say hi to the boys. Love you." And then before she knew it the line emitted the final tone and he was gone.

She waited a few more minutes staring blankly at the telephone screen making sure that the call truly had been disconnected. And once she reassured herself it finally had she squared her shoulders and started to move again. She had been brave since he'd gone, only allowing herself to break down once on the train home, reluctantly reasoning with herself that this was now her life. Him there, her somewhere else. That their marriage would have to endure a period of separation, and yet she knew that it would. She knew that they could survive. That was something she was very confident of. She was confident in their resilience, the sense and sensibility they had and the love. All they needed to do was keep loving each other, and keep being open and honest with each other.

And so she tried. She really tried.

She knew as soon as she opened the door to him that there was going to be trouble. She knew that look. She had seen it many times before. The contrite look, the sadness, the anger. She knew he would turn up too. That's what he always did after they had a fight. She knew first he would shout, then he'd walk, then he'd always come to their door.

Silently she opened the door and let him follow her into their sitting room. They both sat down. Molly was unsure when to start or even where to start. She didn't need to worry he began almost immediately.

"Why did you do it?" He began straight to the point. She knew what he meant but wanted him to say the words out loud. So instead all she did was raise her eyebrows and looked at him questionably .

He took the hint.

"Get married. What was it that made you want to get married? What was it that wanted you finally to become Mrs James. You said many times before that it's not what you wanted, then one day bam Molly said that she wanted it and Molly got it."

"It was love. Plain and simple." She didn't feel like justifying this to him or anyone yet again, fed up of having to justify her actions. She thought that her love and dedication to Charles had proven why she had done it and had put all the doubters to silence. Yet here he was asking her, and she realised that she possibly hadn't.

"Love?" He paused. "What was it that made you think that it would last for ever? That you could put yourself above someone?"

"Because I just did. I just really did. Still do."

"And now?" he asked. "Do you have regrets? Do you regret any of it?"

"Regret it? No course I don't. I love him. Plain and simple."

Elvis rested his head back on the chair he fallen into, and let out a huge sigh. "God Molly I wish she just loved me half as much as you and Charles love each other."

"Are you certain that she doesn't?" She asked. Watching the agony on his face. The hurt he was feeling after his last fight with Georgie obvious.

"Fairly certain!" He mumbled back. Avoiding her eyes.

"So what was today's argument about?" she asked Elvis. He always turned to her when they had an argument. She knew he'd turn up on her doorstep following Georgie's furious text.

"I don't even know." He sighed. "I seem to open my mouth and it's wrong, whatever I say. Sometimes I wish I'd never asked her to marry me. Sometimes I wonder if it's ever going to happen. Or even should it."

It didn't shock Molly what he said. It wasn't the first time he'd said it.

"You've got to sort it out mate," Molly said. "The day is getting closer and closer. Before too long, before you know it will be here. It ain't fair."

Elvis turned and looked at her. "I just wish we could have something like you and Charlie boy have."

Molly laughed. "Don't wish that mate. You can't compare me and Charles to you and Georgie. Two very different couples. Four very different people."

"Is it. Is it really?" Elvis asked. "Are we not a bit alike?"

Then Molly raised her eyebrows and laughed. She couldn't stop herself. Elvis soon caught on and he started to laugh too. Both knowing there was no way that Molly could tolerate somebody like him, in exactly the same way that Charlie boy would

not tolerate somebody like Georgie.

"I know I know," he said "I guess I'm just a romantic. And I really thought that Georgie and I had it. I don't know maybe I'm just getting cold feet."

She stood and rested her hand on his shoulder.

"Elvis mate before this turns into a bigger circus. Do the right thing. Cause I'm telling you now if you don't turn up on your bloody wedding day I ain't the one breaking the bad news to her….find some other mug to do that."

Elvis stood and smiled.

"Don't worry I won't do that to you. I think I know exactly the mug who I'd pick." He said in jest. The look on Molly's face though showed it to be a very bad joke.

It was always a crazy relationship. Molly just couldn't get it but never asked. Elvis and Georgie were like fire and ice, but drawn to each other in an almost desperate way. Hated and loved each other in equal measures. As she watched Elvis hop back in the car she knew he'd be driving straight to see Georgie; to beg forgiveness, and make up sex, that's how it ended every time.

She was grateful for what she had with Charles. Uncomplicated. Steady. She watched and as soon as his car was out of sight she picked up her phone and without thinking fired off the text

"I love you. I'll never stop loving you. And I am so grateful that you're in my life. Miss you. xxxxx"

She needed him to know just how desperately she loved him. She needed him to know he was her everything.

She put the phone down absent mindlessly wondering what to do with the rest of her day when the phone suddenly rang.

"Well that was a nice text to receive Dawes." She could hear the laughter in his voice, he sounded calm and relaxed, it felt normal. "And I love you too by the way, but I do have to ask what brought on the sudden rush of sentimentality?"

"Nothing really. Just need you to know that's all….that I love you and that. And I am missing you. It's been a bloody long time."

He hummed his agreement.

"Anyway how come you're able to ring me. This ain't one of your set times." She pondered at the illicit call.

"Ah… yes really shouldn't be. I'll probably get my balls served up on a plate if anybody catches me. Still when your lovely wife sends a text to you …well couldn't help not to reply back to it."

"I don't want you getting in trouble, but it's nice to hear your voice."

"And yours too" he said. "So you OK to talk for a bit…..?"

"Of course I can. It's you who's the busy one. I'm just doing the boring plain rubbish stuff."

"I wouldn't say it's all exciting out here, but it's interesting. Besides I may have some good news for you."

"Oh yeah?" she said hoping that his idea of good news was exactly the same as her idea of good news. "What's that then?"

"There is a group here. A supply group. Well they are planning on coming home for a week. To London. Just to have a debrief and that. Pick up some different operational plans and ideas. Anyway I've been asked if I want to be part of the group. It will be pretty full on though,"

"You're coming home!" she squealed down the phone jumping around the kitchen.

"Hold on there Molly… no that is yes….. but not permanently. Might just be coming home for a few nights. That's all. And maybe, just maybe I'll be able to fit you in for one of those. Or two. If you want to."

"You try and stop me."

She could then hear the happiness in his voice, and she realised that he did know. He knew she loved him.

"So if I send you the dates you think you'll be able to get it off? Maybe we could meet up in London? Save me having to waste time travelling back from the Hall for the debrief. Maybe even have a day out. I mean if you want to you can see your family?"

"Bugger them. If you're only free for 24 hours or so then I'll spending all my time with you. I'm so excited."

"Yeah me too. I didn't want to tell you until it was definite. But it's going to be soon, within the next few weeks certainly."

Suddenly she had a hundred and one questions and nothing to say. Her mouth dried up and she felt lost for words.

"Look I have to go." He said sadly. "Someone's coming."

"I understand," and she really did. "Just so happy I get to see you."

"Yes me to Molly" he replied longingly. "Me too."

She wondered when she had suddenly become so comfortable. That was exactly what she was and she rejoiced in it.

She didn't move as he slowly slid out from beneath the bedsheets and padded across the room. Her man stark naked. She'd missed him so much and so took time to admire the athletic naked figure moving towards the hotel kettle and teacups.

From day one he'd never been ashamed of his body. He'd never really needed to be. In her eyes, and she was pretty sure in most of the eyes of all woman, he was perfect. There was nothing about Charles that offended the eyes .

And so she spent a few more minutes watching him with the love and care he performed the simple act. It was something he'd done a hundred times before, yet it was still something she really appreciated. He bent over the table and put the teabag into the cup and ripped open a packet of instant coffee for himself. She noticed a small grimace on his face as the bitter aroma hit his nose. He was a coffee snob. That was the top and bottom of it. He merely suffered Hotel instant as he always said it was better than nothing. Besides he'd just spent over three months in the field, so she was fairly certain whatever coffee he'd been drinking out there, once his precious capsules had ran out, the instant Nescafe he was about to partake in would be a degree better.

She couldn't bear it any longer. With a confident throw she slipped out from underneath the scratchy hotel sheets and moved stark naked towards him. She slid up behind him, and he acted surprised even though she knew he had heard her coming. He almost purred as she wrapped her arms around his torso and pressed her body to his back. Happily kissing him, teasingly in between his shoulders.

"Good morning Mrs James" he said as he dropped the spoons into the cups and squeezed the arms that were holding him. "Sleep well?"

She chuckled and moved around into his chest, breathing him in. Right here was everything that made her feel safe and grateful. "Think you know the answer to that you little bugger." She waited for him to chuckle. "I know I haven't seen you for three months but a girl needs some sleep."

He sighed theatrically and moved his head to face her. "I think you know by now Molly that's not gonna happen for the next 48 hours. I'm on leave and I intend to use every minute of it as it should be."

She pulled herself back away from him slightly. "What you mean no sightseeing! Or even taking in a show?"

"Not exactly what I had in mind." He held her tightly.

"So," he said pushing her away again politely after a few moments. "Let me make you a cup of tea. Then get you back into that bed. Rehydrate and then reacquaint ourselves with one another again."

She pulled away and walked towards the bed. She yelped as he gave her naked behind a cheeky slap. She glanced back and her heart somersaulted as she watched the beautiful smile of cheekiness and total adoration spread across his face. "I'll get you for that," she teased as she moved towards the bed.

She lay there, she didn't cover herself over. The room was warm despite the air conditioning and she was comfortable in all her glory, exposed to him as vulnerable as she could ever be. Yet with Charles she never felt as though she was.

His arrival in the UK had been sudden and slightly dramatic. Yes planned, but what he hadn't planned was having to escort home one of his section due to a family crisis. So he arrived home a whole day and a half earlier than expected.

As soon as the call came she dropped everything and rushed to meet him. Her pulse racing and nerves abounding. Seeing him again had her so excited. She saw it in his face too as he took giant strides to greet her in the assigned hotel lobby. It was as though they had never been parted. They reconnected immediately and spent the first few hours talking about nothing but saying everything to each other. Him finally getting out of bed to make a drink was the first time they had left it for hours.

"So you gonna give him a call?" She asked as Charles carried the two white porcelain cups over towards the bedside. She watched a slight degree of confusion cross his face as he bent close to her and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her nose. She worried she had broken the blissful spell they were in. She watched him cautiously and then saw a degree of total understanding cross his face. "Elvis that's is. I was just wondering." she clarified just in case he was still in any state of confusion.

He moved around to the other side of the bed set his coffee cup down, and then laid down on top of the covers, joining her. He instantly pulled her naked form close into his. Their faces close. She felt the hot air leave his body as he sighed and she appreciated the minty freshness of his breath. He'd obviously had secretly brushed his teeth before she had awoken.

"I don't want to. But I guess I should. What a fucking mess."

"He's your mate" she reminded him. "He needs us. He's going through a crisis."

Charles pulled away slightly exacerbated. "What crisis? Either he wants to marry her or he doesn't. Simple!"

Molly looked at Charles; surprised, she knew he had a hard streak, but when it came to Elvis he was always caring, considerate, and forgiving. "Didn't you have doubts about us?"

Charles rolled onto his back and threw his arm over his head. "Never" he said indignantly. "Why?" as the thought struck him "Did you?"

"A few." She replied with honesty. Then she saw the panic on his face. "I mean not that we were doing the wrong thing. It's just I always wondered would you regret it. Regret us. Me."

"Oh for God's sake not this again" he said and then he turned his head to look at her. "Molly I'll never regret us. You are who I want, and I knew that from the moment I stopped being so bloody stubborn about it. This is why I can't understand Elvis and all his problems. If you really want somebody. That is, if you really want to marry them. Then you shouldn't have doubts." He dropped his voice and said quietly. "Fuck Molly. Surely the fact that he's got out so close means that it's not right. Doesn't it?"

Molly looked at him. Brushing the soft curls away from his forehead, trying to ease the knotted lines that were there in between his eyes. Knowing he was recalling the telephone call from Elvis several hours ago that told them of the change of his life plan. "Yes. I guess." Molly said. "When say it like that. You love someone; you want to marry them; you don't love them enough; you don't marry them."

She smiled. Appreciating all that she had. That they had. Still though amazed at how confident he had always been in relation to his feelings for her, and how right them being together it all was.

"It's just it's Elvis that's all." She pleaded their mates case. "He's never been this far with anyone before relationship wise. You might just have to, you know, listen to him. Be there for him."

"I'm not his agony aunt. Him and Georgie were wrong from the start." Charles said. "You knew it too." He looked at her pointedly. "Well now he knows it. He doesn't need me to tell him one way or the other."

"Yeah but still."

"No Molly. We have little time together as it is. All this drama with Elvis isn't going to spoil that." Sitting up suddenly and standing, he continued. "If he doesn't want to marry her. Then he shouldn't." He moved towards the bathroom door and turned with a contrite look on his face. "I'm pleased he told her now, cause I'm not going to be the fucking idiot that had to tell her on her wedding day. It's for the best. He's a big lad. The sooner Georgie Lane is put of our conversations the better." He then stormed off into the bathroom.

Molly wasn't shocked, she understood his strong feelings. And so because she knew her man, she appreciated them. Their lives, all their lives where Georgie was concerned were that little bit more complicated.

Yet this outburst with Charles, was due to just a bit more than a complication. She knew that Charles was angry. Feeling that Elvis had broken some type of code. That cancelling your wedding months before it was due to go ahead was just not the done thing. It annoyed him. Yet he also was envious that Elvis had the guts to get out before it all went wrong. Something Charles hadn't managed to do. Cancelling the wedding was something he had so badly wanted to do with Rebecca, but his gentlemanly code stated that just wasn't how you played it. And that was one of the factors that was making Charles so annoyed now about the whole situation. It wasn't that their short time together was marred by the news. It was the fact that Elvis had the guts to do something that Charles hadn't all those years ago hasn't.

Hearing the shower running she knew it was pointless going in and disturbing him. He needed a little space and time to reason with himself. Knowing he'd return to her and his good mood shortly. Instead she lay back in the bed, pulling the covers over her, thinking about the change that had happened between them so suddenly. She only slightly regretted speaking out and angering him. Spoiling their precious time together. Yet only slightly. For their was a large part of her that couldn't quite help believing that their lives might, just might be better altogether if Georgie Lane was out of it once and for all.