Surprise! I'm early!
Only by a little bit, but it is before Christmas or New Years. Progress! To those who don't know, I started my first full-time job this year and have been super busy. I actually didn't think I would make it in time. But I had some time at work to type out the rest of this chapter since things have finally slowed down. So I was able to finish it and early.
I thought about waiting until Christmas, but I didn't want to make you wait much longer, so here you go! Plus, it's what you've all been waiting for.
I apologize in advance!
Meant To Be
Chapter 36
After the New Year, things were going well. Tom and he got along, joking and laughing. Spending time just reading on the couch or watching a movie, something they just recently got back into since the cottage had burned down. Wynter got more confident with her footsteps and now walked about the house exploring in her with her new reach, she also was a lot more talkative. Nothing really elaborate, some words here and there, mostly sounds. She repeated a lot of words from her parents, so they had to be careful with what they said around her less she parrots it around for a few hours. Everything was just perfect. And yet everything seemed to be going a little bit too well.
The weeks went by and the Christmas Tree and the decorations were taken down, Wynter was sad to see them go as was Harry, and the sitting area was put back to its original positions. Yet as much time as they were spending together, Tom started to grow irritated with all the talk of Ron and Hermione's upcoming nuptials. It was invading their house, quite literally. The newly engaged couple would come over to discuss the wedding often, especially since Harry was officially going to be their Best Man and Bridesman. Both Ron and Hermione couldn't decide who should ask Harry, so they both did and Harry happily accepted. So when they did come over, Tom would make himself scarce. Too much gushy stuff going on.
Hermione just said he was shy when she questioned where Marque was, but Harry knew better. All the love in the air made Tom uncomfortable and sick, it just wasn't his thing and he didn't understand it. Yet with all of this going on it made him think more of how he felt about Tom and would glance at Tom frequently with looks that Tom did not understand which irritated him to no end. There was something in that sly glance and Tom didn't know what it meant, it had to mean something for Harry to use it so often. Yet Harry remained silent on the matter, not that Hermione didn't try to make Harry say it every opportunity she could.
"You know," Hermione started slyly one time as both her and Ron came over to look over some wedding brochures and magazines, Tom predictable absent, "If you see something you like, you could use it for your own."
Harry sighed defeatedly, "Hermione..."
"I know, I know. I'm just saying. Maybe in the future..."
"It's not like that. We're not like that."
"What do you mean?" Ron asked confused.
"You guys are going out, right?" Hermione questioned.
Harry paused and thought about it. And the and the answer was no. Tom and he had never put any sort of label on what they were and they had never actually 'gone out.' They always stayed home, raising their daughter, but that wasn't the point. "In a matter of speaking."
"I don't get it," Ron said.
Harry sighed again as he flipped through a wedding magazine, "I don't know, you guys. It's complicated. We're complicated."
"Doesn't seem complicated to me," Hermione said, "You love him don't you?"
Harry was silent for a minute before nodding. "I do."
"Then tell him."
"I- I can't."
"Why not?"
"What if-" Harry stopped, his fear rising in his throat, "What if he doesn't...he'll reject me."
"He will not," Hermione admonished him.
"How do you know that?" Harry asked her desperately.
"Well for one, he wouldn't be going out with you if was going to reject you. And because he loves you."
Harry scoffed and shook his head.
"Harry," Hermione said scooting closer to him and taking his hand. "Marque does love you. I can see it in the way he looks at you. Ron sees it too. Right?"
"I do, mate," Ron admitted.
"Plus, you two are living together and raising Wynter together," Hermione added, "He wouldn't do that if he didn't."
"That's different," Harry said, "After what happened to the cottage…we could have died."
"Yes, and we are very, very grateful that he did, but he didn't have to give you all this," she said gesturing around them. "He could have set you up with another house somewhere safe for the both of you but instead he gave you this beautiful home with him and is raising Wynter like she's his own. If that's not love, I don't know what is."
Harry just shook his head again. That was impossible. Tom didn't love. He may be fond of Harry, but it wasn't love. If anything he viewed Harry as a sort of…pet, like Nagini. Someone he took in and cared for with a factual fondness, not love. Tom didn't understand it and didn't think very highly of it, it was a useless emotion. That had been quite clear from the beginning of their…whatever it was, plus what he knew about Tom from Dumbledore. It was why he would never tell him. It would only hurt him in the long run.
Now Harry was getting all upset and depressed and he shook it off, "It doesn't matter. We're here to talk about you two, not me. So do you know what colors you want?"
Hermione knew when the subject was dropped so she turned to the magazines in front of them, "I was thinking Lilac..."
But as the conversation turned back to the wedding details, Harry couldn't help but think about what Hermione said. That they wouldn't be together if he didn't love him, but Hermione didn't know everything- that Tom was Wynter's father and how it was the reason they were staying together. Yet from what Ron and Hermione knew, it must look differently on the outside. And Tom looked at him a certain way? They must be seeing things. Tom may be fond of him but there was nothing else going on there. Definitely not. Just not possible. It was all a misunderstanding, that's all.
xxx
It started out as a normal day.
Tom and Harry took turns watching Wynter as they got dressed, then headed downstairs where they had breakfast. Then Tom went off to work. It was a weekday, so Ron and Hermione were at work too, so it was just Harry and Wynter.
Harry had sat her down at a little desk that they had in the living room and had her go over a few of her letters. She could now recognize up to the letter 'D' and count to 4 (with some prompting). She was so smart! He then let her walk around.
"Wynter, Wynter! Where are you going?" Harry asked as he followed Wynter's hesitant steps around the living room. Wynter just babbled and continued walking. She did that a lot now, walking that is. It took her a little bit to get used to it and Harry or Tom would be right behind her when she fell, which was often. But as the days went by, she would be a little more confident in getting where she wanted to go. She was like both Harry and Tom that way; not giving up even if she fell so many times. It filled them both with pride.
"Uh oh!" Harry exclaimed as Wynter fell forward onto her hands and knees. "Did you fall down?"
"Alw!" Wynter said and grabbed a hold of Harry's pants leg and pulled herself back up to her feet.
"You got your feet?" he asked her as she steadied herself.
"Ye!" She said and took off again.
"You're getting so fast."
"Ass!" she exclaimed and Harry laughed loudly.
"What?!"
"Ass!" she said again.
"Oh my god, no! Wynter, don't say that!"
"Ass, Ass, Ass!" Wynter chanted as she walked around unaware of what she was saying.
Once Harry got himself under control, he scooped Wynter up and gave her a big kiss, making her squeal. "You silly bean. It's F-as-t" he said sounding it out.
"Ass," Wynter just said again.
Harry laughed and sat down on the couch with Wynter standing in his lap. "You're lucky Daddy isn't here to hear your potty mouth."
"Odd-e?"
"Yes, you have a potty mouth."
"No!"
"No, you don't have a potty mouth?"
"No," she said firmly.
"Oh, okay. If you say so." Wynter just smiled at him. Harry chuckled. "You're so funny."
"O-ie?"
"So funny. You make Mama laugh."
"Af?"
"Yes. Laugh. Hahaha," Harry said fake laughing. Wynter giggled and gave him a hug. "Aw. I get a hug?"
"Ah. Ug!"
"Thank you, Wynter," he said and gave her a big hug back. He relished moments like this, her small arms around his neck, so soft and sweet.
She pulled back and smiled at him, "Mama!"
"What? Are you smiling at me?" Wynter just continued to smile at him. He took her hand and gave it loud kisses making her giggle.
"An!"
"Am I kissing your hand?"
"Ah. Iss an!" She said showing it to him.
Harry kissed the offered hand again and she laughed. "I love your laugh, you know that?"
"Mama, wuff oo!"
"Do you love me, Wynter?" Harry cooed to her as she stood on his thighs.
"Ah. Wuff oo!"
"I love you too, jelly bean!" Harry said and gave her another big kiss.
Wynter giggled and said, "Wuff Dadee."
"You love Daddy?"
"Ye!"
Harry smiled. "You know what?"
"At?"
"I love Daddy too," Harry admitted. He let out a deep breath, it was liberating to finally say it out loud. Not that anyone would hear it. Tom was at work, taking Nagini with him, so it was just him and Wynter. And it wasn't like she really understood.
"Wuff Gee-ie!" Wynter continued.
"You love Nagini too?"
"Ye!"
Harry laughed and hugged her close, "You just love everything, don't you?"
"Ye! Wuff edy!"
"You love Teddy too?"
Wynter nodded, "Ye."
"Well, Teddy loves you too." Wynter just smiled happily. Harry smiled and snuggled her close, rubbing his cheek against hers. "You're so cute. And soft. Why are you so soft?"
"Oft!" Wynter repeated and giggled.
"Yes, so soft." Harry just held her close and Wynter just cuddled there against his chest. "Can you stay this small forever?"
"Ye," Wynter replied.
"Yeah? You can?" Harry felt her nod against him. "If only. You're getting to be a big girl."
"Ig orl?"
Harry hummed in agreement, "You'll always be my baby though."
Wynter agreed and cuddled closer. Harry just rubbed her back and felt her get heavy as she slipped off to sleep. After a few minutes of holding her, he put her down in the play pin that was still set up by the couch so she could sleep. He then cleaned up the kitchen and did laundry while he lost himself in his thoughts.
It kept returning to what he said earlier with Wynter. He had thought about it so much, it had been liberating. He had admitted to it before, but he had never said the words out loud. He glanced around the empty room. "I love him," he said aloud and released a big breath. "I love him," he admitted again. He sat back on the couch with Wynter's onsie in his lap. "Oh, Merlin. I'm in love with Tom…What the hell am I going to do?" This was completely different than when he liked Cho and Ginny. And even more so when he realized he liked Ginny's brother Charlie more than her. More than just a crush, this was full-on, head over heels LOVE. And he fell harder everyday just seeing Tom with Wynter, being her father and the late-night discussions about the most random of things.
For years, the Dark Lord Voldemort had been the epitome of darkness, a cruel, sadistic creature that sought nothing more than power and to destroy everyone and everything until he reigned at the top. But now, in a different setting, that same Dark Lord was just "Tom" who was smart and kind and just as dysfunctional as he was when it came to having a family but he was trying. Just seeing him doing the most mundane things like watching TV or sleeping, or even brushing his teeth made him so much more human and real.
It wasn't something he could explain to Ron and Hermione to make them understand why he couldn't tell Tom how he felt, not without telling them who he really was. And that was not happening, he would lose them if he did. They wouldn't understand, they would hate him. And if he told Tom…there was no telling what would happen. It would go nowhere. "Damn him and his stupid face and his stupid smirk," Harry muttered to himself as he angrily folded clothes. He groaned as he sat back with his eyes closed in weariness. "I am so screwed."
Harry sighed and continued folding laundry. He didn't know what he was going to do with his growing feelings, but he did know he will never tell Tom. It would only hurt him and he didn't want that. Hermione would probably think it was just stemming from his lack of it in his childhood, but it wasn't that he was afraid to love or be loved. It was more of the fact that he will be rejected and it will hurt and he wanted to keep that from happening. He wanted things to stay as they were. So much for being brave. He just shook his head and continued doing house chores and then sat down to watch TV until Wynter woke up 2 hours later.
Harry and Wynter were on the floor coloring in her coloring book when the front door opened to let Tom in with Nagini.
"You're home early," Harry said sitting up, just as Wynter shrieked "Dadee!" and ran to him, or walked as fast as her little legs allowed her.
"I was bored," Tom said simply coming forward to meet Wynter and picking her up. "Hi, Princess."
"I Dadee," she said and gave him a hug.
"Really? You got bored? I thought you were a Dark Lord intent on taking over the world," he said getting up from the floor. "Being bored is not going to help that happen."
"I wanted to be here," Tom said simply.
"Hmm," Harry hummed while his stomach did happy flip flops.
"What are you doing?" Tom asked Wynter.
"Owr," Wynter responded.
"Coloring?" he asked spotting the coloring book and crayons.
"Ye," she agreed. Then she saw Nagini. "Gee-ie! Oown," she told Tom.
So Tom set her on her feet and she tottered over to Nagini and draped herself over the giant snake in a hug.
"You've been ditched," Harry said with a laugh.
"I guess I have," Tom commented and stepped up to Harry to give him a kiss which Harry accepted willingly.
"Did you get anything done? You weren't gone long."
"Some. I just needed to get out. I was surrounded by idiots."
"I've told you."
"Yeah, yeah," Tom grumbled and moved away to sit on the couch.
Harry smiled at Tom's back softly. His quiet grumbling was cute.
Tom suddenly turned to look at him and caught his look. "What?"
"N-Nothing," Harry just said turning quickly away to go to the kitchen. "Are you hungry? I can make you something."
Tom's eyes narrowed at Harry's retreating back. "No, thank you," he said carefully. Then unable to take it anymore, he asked. "What are you thinking about?"
"Lunch?" Harry said casually as he looked through the fridge.
"No," Tom said getting up and confronting him. "You always are thinking of something and looking at me like…that. With those looks."
"What looks?"
"You know the ones. You keep looking at me with…I don't know what it is. But you keep looking at me."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Harry responded but his heart was beating a mile a minute. He noticed. "I kinda have to look at you sometimes, don't I? Can't really have a conversation with you if I don't."
"Of course you know," Tom said ignoring the last part. "You just looked at me with it earlier. It's always the same one and I have no idea what it is or what it means. I…don't understand it. But it's important, isn't it?"
"I-I have no idea what you are talking about. You're reading too much into it," Harry said with a forced laugh and tried to sidestep Tom out of the kitchen, no longer hungry.
But Tom just took hold of his arm to stop him. "I'm not. You're trying to tell me something, I know you are but I can't read you."
"Don't you Legilimenize me," Harry warned.
"I'm not," Tom gritted out, "That's why I don't know what you want."
"I don't want anything!"
"Then why are you looking at me like that?!"
"It's nothing! Just leave it alone!" Harry snapped and tugged his arm away from Tom's grasp and walking away. He had to stop this, it was heading to dangerous territory. Keep it together, Harry, he thought to himself.
"Then there is something," Tom accused following him.
"No," Harry said calmly, "I told you there's not. Why can't you just drop it?"
"Because I am trying to understand you and what you want. But you won't say anything."
"There's nothing to say."
"Clearly, there is or you wouldn't be so defensive."
"Whose fault is that?" Harry shot back.
"Oh, so now it's my fault?"
"You know what? It is."
"Perfect," Tom spat, "Something doesn't go right and it's my fault."
"Whatever. I'm done," Harry said and headed to the stairs.
"Fine. Go ahead and run then."
"I'm not running. I don't want to say something I don't mean."
"At least you would be saying something."
"Screw you!"
"I don't feel like it." Harry just snorted in disgust and continued to the stairs. "Just tell me!" He shouted.
"I don't want to!"
"Why the hell not?!"
"Because I love you, okay!" Harry finally shouted as he turned back around. His breath caught as he realized he had finally said it out loud, to his face. "I'm in love with you," he said again with more meaning.
Tom just stood there, shocked, his anger gone. He had no idea what to say or how to even respond. Of all the things Harry could have possibly said. This was not one of them.
"Say something," Harry whispered, pleading.
But Tom didn't know what to say and did one of the worse things he could possibly do at that moment.
He left.
Please, please don't hate me!
I know it's probably not what you wanted to happen, but I've been planning this since the beginning. It was hard to write but it's out now. It had to happen. But things have to get bad before they get good, right?
If you hadn't guessed, Tom has the unfortunate habit of leaving when things don't go as planned. (ie. finding out about Wynter). But it's all out there now, Tom knows how Harry feels, what he does about it now...you'll have to wait and see.
Thank you all for your comments, I love and read every single one and try to respond as soon as I can.
I wish you all a Happy Holiday and Happy New Year!
phoenix
