"Finally," Buffy said cheerfully as she unlocked the door to her house.

"For a night when nothing happens, it was fairly busy," Willow said, following her inside.

"Just a bit," Xander agreed with a grin.

"How often do you guys go through something like this?" Cordelia asked, taking care to lock the door behind them.

"Oh, just about every week," Buffy said distractedly. "I'll call Giles and let him know what happened."

"Are we staying here or heading for the cottage?" Willow asked.

"Cottage?" Cordelia asked curiously.

"You're still with us?" Willow asked, surprised. "Why are you still with us?"

"I still owe Mr. Christmas spirit over here two kisses and I always pay my debts," Cordelia replied. "Now don't change the subject," she said, quickly changing the subject before they could think to send her away, "what cottage?"

Willow looked to Xander, not wanting to give away his secret.

"There's a portal to a snowy forest where I built a cottage," Xander said, "time runs differently there, so if we need a break we camp out there," he explained, choosing his words carefully.

"That's why you always look well rested," Cordelia realized.

"You noticed?" Willow asked, her tone colored by surprise.

"Of course," Cordelia replied, "the three of you are always up to something, but he's the only one who looks like he's gotten enough sleep until recently. I had just chalked it up to him being a chronic masturbator."

"Hey," Xander complained.

"You're a guy," Cordelia pointed out.

"Yeah, but it's rude to point it out," Xander said, amused.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "I'm just saying guys masturbate almost as much as Harmony," Cordelia explained, "and it relaxes you. So these two could be stressed out because they don't flick the bean enough while Xander does."

"What, seriously?" Xander asked. Intellectually he knew girls probably masturbated, if not with the same frequency men did, but it was another thing to hear one admit it.

Buffy hung up the phone. "Okay, that's done. Giles said he'll take care of it." She turned to the three. "What did I miss? Cordelia? You're still here?"

"Girls masturbate a respectable amount, except Harmony who's going for the high score, and yes, she says she still owes me two kisses," Xander listed off. "Wait! How would masturbating help with lack of sleep?"

"It helps you get to sleep faster, duh," Cordelia said.

"Okay, I can see that," Xander admitted. "Not sure it would really help us, since I think we all just pass out the moment our heads hit the pillow since we usually have about five hours between getting home and getting up."

"Better than being pent up and tired," Buffy said and reached up to pull off her wig. "Ouch! This wig is stuck," she complained.

"Let me help," Xander said, moving to her side and feeling for where she'd pinned it in place. "Um, Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"This is your real hair," he replied.

"What?" Buffy asked, confused.

Xander ran his fingers through her hair and she sighed happily forgetting what they had been talking about. "This is one hundred percent you."

"It's much better than your usual dye job," Cordelia complemented her.

"I helped her put the wig on," Willow said, joining Xander in playing with her hair unable to find where it was attached.

"Ah, that's what Giles meant," Buffy said, fending off their hands as it made it hard to think.

"The spell made you a natural blonde?" Cordelia guessed.

"Yes, no! I mean I was always a natural blonde," Buffy defended herself, "just a bit of a darker blonde than I'd prefer."

"I've seen your pubes," Cordelia pointed out with a smirk.

"Pubic hair is usually darker than the hair on your head because it's thicker," Willow jumped to Buffy's defense.

Buffy hiked up her dress and pulled out her panties, much to Cordelia's shock, even if she had been getting some weird 'closer than just friends' vibes from the trio lately.

"Yep, you are blonde all over," Xander said.

Buffy let her panties snap back and dropped her dress. "Giles said there may be some carry over from the chaos spell. Anyone else notice anything strange?"

Willow shrugged. "I've always been a redhead."

Xander tugged on his beard lightly. "Hey, I've got a big old beard now!"

"Shave it!" the three girls chorused. Willow and Buffy turned to look at Cordelia in surprise.

"What?" she asked. "If Xander comes to school with that huge bush on his face people will ask questions."

"You have a point there," Xander admitted with a sigh.

"Plus imagine how it would feel on your thighs, like sandpaper," Cordelia pointed out, snickering as she saw both Buffy and Willow wiggle uncomfortably. "I knew it!"

"Knew what?" Xander asked cluelessly.

"You three are a three!" Cordelia exclaimed.

"And the award for the most senseless comment goes to..." Buffy snarked.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "I mean, you three are together."

The three Scoobs exchanged glances before shrugging and deciding that trying to hide it from Cordelia was pointless.

"Yep, that's us," Buffy agreed before giving Xander a kiss. "Please go shave that furball off your face while we have some girl talk."

"It's a manly beard," Xander defended.

"Yes, but it would rub us in some uncomfortable places," Willow said, pulling him down for a kiss.

"Alright," he conceded, "I'll shave off the beard." He quickly headed up the stairs.

"How?" Cordelia demanded taking a seat on the couch. "Tell me everything!" she ordered excitedly.

"Not really much to say," Buffy admitted shyly, "we decided to follow Xander into Narnia and stay at his place and it only had one bed..."

"Narnia?" Cordelia asked, surprised before smacking herself in the head. "Of course, you two all but told me it was Narnia."

"We were kinda light on the details," Willow told Buffy as she set the half dozen bags of candy on the coffee table and kicked off her shoes.

"Oh," Buffy said. "Well it turns out that Xander has been inviting his friends to Narnia since he was like twelve and we were the first ones to accept because we wanted to take a couple of days off and sleep in."

"He's had a way to Narnia since he was twelve and this is the first time Willow accepted?" Cordelia asked doubtfully.

"I thought he was talking about playing pretend," Willow said with a sigh as she took off the thick green dress she'd been wearing revealing she was wearing a matching blue bra and panties.

"Yes, but you could have used it to get him to play a game you chose," Cordelia pointed out as Buffy stripped, surprised the pair were so blase about being in the living room in their underwear.

"What, like trading favors?" Willow asked, digging in one of the bags for some chocolate and tossing them both a bar.

"No, if he wants to play army, then you play the nurse helping him with his wounds," Cordelia explained.

"I could have done that," Willow realized with a groan before yelling, "Xander you owe me years of kisses and associated gropings!"

Buffy laughed and unwrapped her chocolate bar. "I doubt he can hear you up there with the water running, but then I doubt he'll complain either."

"Okay, so how did Narnia lead to all three of you?" Cordelia asked.

"He built the cottage for himself and since there is no gas or electricity, the shower is ice cold," Buffy explained. "Also he totally forgot the towels, so we'd air dry and warm up in front of the fireplace."

"It really loosened us up," Willow said with a smile.

"So we'd sleep in the same bed and apparently we all have some serious cases of wandering hands," Buffy added.

"I bit Buffy's tit to make her admit she was dating us," Willow said proudly.

Cordelia laughed. "Oh god, that must have been hilarious!"

"She has very sharp teeth," Buffy said solemnly.

"Xander built a cottage in Narnia and it's livable?" Cordelia questioned. "I mean, it takes a lot to put up buildings and he was working on his own."

"It's more than just livable," Buffy said, "it's damn impressive!"

"She's not kidding," Willow said, "he made several places over the years, before gaining the skills needed. Not only is it comfortable it's a fortress."

"Can I see it?" Cordelia asked hopefully.

"It's a pretty short trip," Willow said, in between bites of chocolate, "and she was a big help tonight."

"Up to Xander," Buffy decided as she scratched under her bra, "it's his secret hide away."

"That's fair," Willow agreed.

"Why did you take so much candy?" Buffy asked curiously, as it was seriously out of character for the not so shy anymore redhead.

Willow paused and considered the question. "Anna had a sweet tooth and recognized what it was. She was a princess, but she hoarded sweets like a dragon."

Xander came down the steps with a huge grin, a thick mustache and goatee. "What do you think?"

"I think you look like you're about to tie Willow to a set of train tracks," Cordelia said bluntly.

"Seriously?" Xander asked.

Buffy nodded. "You look like a stereotypical villain."

Xander sighed. "Alright, I'll be right back."

Buffy turned to ask Willow what she thought, but her girlfriend had a far off look in her eye that she decided she'd ask her about later… in private.

"It looked good if cartoony, but it really doesn't go with the bright colors he likes to wear," Cordelia offered.

Willow recovered from whatever thought had hit her and dove back into one of the bags of candy while Buffy and Cordelia were still working over their first chocolate bar.

"You aren't going to spread anything around about us, are you," Buffy said, it was definitely a statement and not a question.

Cordelia waved it off. "Someone is eventually going to notice and I'm going to acknowledge that I know and ask why the reproductive habits of geeks' is so fascinating to them. I'll probably ask if they're doing extra credit in biology, roll my eyes and walk off."

"Thanks," Buffy said with a bright smile.

"Don't mention it," Cordelia replied, "I think you guys have done more than enough to earn a little leeway in your personal lives without anyone commenting."

"You can just do that?" Willow asked in disbelief around a gobstopper.

"Not 'just'," Cordelia admitted, "but by acting like it's a non-issue I can make it a two-day scandal rather than a yearlong topic of gossip." She shrugged. "People will get over it and it'll be just another bit of strangeness in Sunnydale High."

"Well, you have our thanks anyway," Buffy told her.

Xander came downstairs having shaved off the goatee and smiled as the girls just stared. He laughed. "Yeah, without the goatee it looks like a pornstache. I just had to see the looks on your face. I'll go shave it off now."

The girls looked at each other and burst out laughing as he retreated to the bathroom.

"To be fair it was a good mustache," Buffy admitted.

"Yeah, but every time he walked into the room you'd be hearing 'Boom Chicka Bow Wow' in the back of your head," Cordelia said with a smirk.

"Or the theme from Magnum PI," Willow offered.

"Especially with those shirts he likes to wear," Cordelia agreed.

Xander came down the stairs, his face bare of hair. "Okay my face is all shiny and smooth once more, though the rest of me isn't." He took off his shirt showing a forest of chest hair.

"I like the chest hair," Willow quickly assured him.

"Ditto," Buffy agreed.

"It suits you," Cordelia added, wondering if he'd always been that muscular.

"Excellent," Xander said, collapsing on the couch between Willow and Buffy who curled into his sides.

"We've been talking about your cottage and how impressive it is," Cordelia told Xander, trying to butter him up, "can I see it?"

"You girls mind if she comes with us?" Xander asked.

"I kinda want to show it off," Willow admitted.

"It'll be fun," Buffy agreed. "Plus, we can get another ten hours of sleep or so without worrying about reality getting in the way."

"Sounds like fun," Xander said, "we'll have to stop by a Quick-E-Mart for a spare toothbrush and some snacks, but that's on the way."

"Really?" Cordelia asked, scarcely able to believe it.

"Sure," Xander agreed, "a little food and drink so we aren't just scarfing down candy and we're good to go."

"I'll get our bags from upstairs," Buffy volunteered, "we can change out of our costumes at the cottage."

"We still need to get a couch," Willow reminded him as Buffy got up.

"Yeah," Xander agreed, "I've been thinking about that. While fitting a couch through the wardrobe would be a problem, I'm pretty sure I can build one and just use the cushions from another one. I saw some nice designs in woodshop for western style furniture that should be perfect."

"You're going to build a couch?" Cordelia asked.

Xander nodded. "I don't want a crappy couch and all the ones you can disassemble are pretty flimsy, though they try and make up for it by having some nice cushions. I'll just have to lacquer and dry the wood over here so we don't fill the cottage with fumes."

Buffy came back down the stairs with three backpacks. "Ready?"

"Not remotely, we're still all half undressed," Xander said as he got up and retrieved his shirt.

Willow pulled back on her dress, before stuffing bags of candy into her backpack, pleased that there was room for several of them before stuffing the overflow in Xander and Buffy's.

"Is the costume I'm wearing going to be warm enough to get to the cottage without freezing bits of me off?" Cordelia asked, not wanting to run home for a change of clothes just in case her parents made a rare appearance and kept her from going out.

"It's only a short walk," Buffy said, "and Xander has some huge coats that he can lend you."

"You'll be fine," Xander assured her.

0o0o0o0o0o

"How is it I always end up carrying everything?" Xander asked as he set the three bags full of food and odds and ends Cordelia had brought at the Quick-E-Mart.

"Because we are all weak little women and it makes you feel strong and manly," Buffy said with a bright smile as she helped Cordelia climb over the windowsill and into his bedroom.

"One, I would never describe any of you as weak," Xander said, "and two, I am manly, aren't I?" He puffed out his chest a little and grinned.

"If you had told me this morning I'd be sneaking into Xander's bedroom tonight…" Cordelia trailed off thoughtfully.

"You'd have called them crazy?" Willow suggested as Buffy helped her in.

"No," Cordelia said, "I'd deny it of course, but I'd assume alcohol would be involved."

"Wine coolers?" Buffy asked.

"At least two, but no more than three," Cordelia decided, causing Buffy to look thoughtfully.

"I'm not going to ask," Xander said.

"I don't get it either," Willow offered with a shrug.

"It's not important," Cordelia said as her eyes focused on the large wooden wardrobe. "Is that it?"

"It is," Xander agreed, opening it up and pulling out several pea coats for the girls. "This will keep you warm for the several minutes it takes to reach the cottage."

"Heavy and warm," Cordelia noted as they put on the pea coats and picked up their backpacks.

The sound of Xander's parents arguing drunkenly could be heard from downstairs, but he simply pushed aside the coats and stepped into the wardrobe without a word, the girls quickly following him.

Cordelia gasped as she stepped out from between the trees and into the snowy forest.

"I know," Willow said with a smile, "it's beautiful."

"Time really doesn't pass while we're in here?" Cordelia asked in wonder as they started walking.

"Not as far as we can tell," Buffy said, "several days here could count as several seconds or something, we haven't checked."

"I'm so excited I might pee!" Cordelia exclaimed. "You have a bathroom, right?" she asked nervously.

"Standard bathroom," Buffy assured her, "though the toilet seat is really cold."

"A cold toilet is better than no toilet," Cordelia said unconcerned as they reached the stream and headed upstream. "The air is so clean."

"The only way this could be better is if the wardrobe opened to Gilligan's Island," Xander said with a grin as they reached the waterfall and he passed the bags to Buffy to hold so he could pull out his keys.

"With or without the castaways?" Willow asked as they reached the door and he unlocked the deadbolts.

"Either would be fine," Xander said, pushing open the door and letting the setting sun light up the interior. "Welcome to Xander's cottage."

The three girls entered, Buffy and Willow watching Cordelia look around in amazement once Willow had turned on the lamp.

"You really built this?" Cordelia asked.

Xander set the two four by fours in place to bar the door, while Buffy started a fire in the fireplace. "It took me a lot of time and material, but yeah," Xander said proudly.

"It also took a lot of stolen panties," Buffy said with a smirk, as they shed their heavy coats.

"What?" Cordelia asked, confused.

Xander shook his head, while his girlfriends giggled. "I had to cover up for several people vanishing by making it look like they fled into the night, so I had to empty their dressers, the top drawer being convenient. Long story short… I stored everything here."

Cordelia smirked. "So, what you're saying is… you have a lot of stolen panties?"

"Yes, yes I do," Xander said with amusement. "If you want to see everything I've stolen, they're in the backroom." He gestured to the blanket covered doorway.

Cordelia pulled the curtain aside, but it was too dark to see anything until Willow helpfully held the lantern behind her. "It's enormous!"

"That's what she said," Xander agreed.

"No, she said it was thick," Willow reminded him with a grin.

Cordelia dropped the curtain suddenly much more interested in the conversation they were having, then the enormous backroom. "I always told you he was thick," she teased Willow.

"And you were right, just not in the way you meant," Willow said.

"Says you," Cordelia joked. "Bathroom through the other door?" she asked.

"Tap the circles on the walls for light," Xander agreed.

"I'll be right back," Cordelia said.

"So, why did you two decide to invite Cordy?" Xander asked curiously.

"She was really helpful and could use some time to unwind off the Hellmouth," Willow explained, wondering when she'd lost her dislike of the dark-haired socialite.

"Ditto," Buffy said, "plus we wanted to show you off a little."

"Show me off?" Xander asked, confused.

"You're a great boyfriend and built an amazing place," Willow said, "so as girls we get to brag about dating you."

"She hasn't squealed," Buffy said with a frown.

"Squealed?" Xander asked.

"From sitting on the toilet," Buffy said. "That seat is really cold."

Cordelia came out of the bathroom in her bra and panties. "It wasn't that cold."

"It does seem warmer around here," Willow said thoughtfully, "I just thought we'd gotten used to it."

"My parents take me skiing a lot," Cordelia offered with an exaggerated shrug that drew everyone's eyes to her chest and she pretended not to notice. "So, what do you do out here? Besides each other I mean."

"Read, relax, do some puzzles," Buffy said, deciding it was time to remove her own dress as the place was warming up and the cold hadn't bothered her at all this time.

"Catch up on homework and sleep," Willow added, taking off her own dress since she didn't want to be the only girl still dressed.

"We also play cards," Xander added, wondering why everyone was stripping and deciding just to roll with it as he stripped down to his boxers. "This place is more about not having to do anything."

"Well, I'm up for a few hands," Cordelia said brightly, clearing off the table and opening one of the bags to grab a couple of six packs of wine coolers. "Who's got the cards?"

Buffy grinned and grabbed a deck off one of the bookshelves. "Sounds like fun."

"I like cards," Willow agreed, taking a seat at the table.

"Works for me," Xander agreed, taking the last chair and accepting a wine cooler from Cordelia. He knew the girls were up to something, but he was pretty sure he was going to enjoy it. "What are we betting?"

"I'm sure we'll think of something," Cordelia said, as Buffy shuffled the cards with a deft hand.

Typing by: fyrewolf5

TN: Well this is an interesting turn of events, and I'm sure Xander will not enjoy this at all ;-)