HINT #12- The time Shinsou asked a questio
Kaminari was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them.
For all his easy-going smiles, admittedly careless personality, and below-average grades, contrary to popular belief, he wasn't actually an idiot. He was observant behind his mask of feigned dimwittedness, someone who could read situations with a glance and act on them before anyone else could even process what was happening. His brain was trained that way, trained to look out for any potential threats and to reflexively avoid them at all costs and, quite frankly, traumatized from living with two horrible people who considered slicing open his arms and legs and letting him bleed out until he was just barely alive a warm-up for a torture session.
Though he'd been away from them for nearly three years and living somewhere safe for one, that instinct had never gone away. It was trained to pick threats out of a crowd and analyze them. It was trained to recognize any potentially dangerous individual and either decide to neutralize or stay as far away from them as possible. That instinct, though bred out of the pure terror and hatred he still felt for his parents, was actually a huge reason why he was such a good assassin. He had been traumatized (more or less, Kami didn't really like to think about the specifics) to view every display of power, no matter how little, as a threat.
In a world of superpowered people and dangerously capable quirks, that meant that his guard was up constantly.
In a way, that was good. As an assassin (the best in the business, no less), he couldn't ever afford to get lazy, especially with all the hits put out on his alias and the fact that he'd made some dangerous enemies along the way. Luckily, that wasn't a problem for him. He wasn't scared of the potential of being shot or tortured by a quirk. Both were relatively normal sensations for him, and he was too good to ever get caught in the first place, but even if he hypothetically did, his pain tolerance would stop him from feeling anything more than a small tingle on his skin, but the reason he was so good was because his brain had been unintentionally trained to internalize every little detail and relay whether said detail was a threat or not back to his subconscious.
So...that was good. His trauma was actually most likely the reason he'd survived through his early assassin days when he wasn't as experienced (not to mention seven years old) and wasn't as strong as he'd grown to be. At least his abusive asshole parents were good for something.
The bad part was, as said before, he lived in a world where eighty percent of the population had superhuman abilities. That meant his brain was on high alert all the time. Even worse, he went to the most elite hero school in all of Japan. He was constantly surrounded by, not to mention living with, incredibly powerful people, and as such, his brain had analyzed every one of his classmates and teachers over and over again, continually picking apart their personalities and quirks and filling his subconscious with reasons as to why they were a threat.
Kaminari wasn't scared of his friends, obviously. He'd learned long ago to ignore the voice in the back of his head. As hard as he tried to deny the truth, he knew it was a product of trauma and what he'd been through, which was fine, honestly, because it was how he was so aware of his surroundings at all times in the first place. Through years of being wary about his parents, he knew he'd unconsciously developed the ability to be attentive of everything around him.
Despite its dark backstory, Kaminari thought it was pretty cool. It was kind of like a second quirk. He knew his classmates would never intentionally hurt him, and even if they one day decided they wanted to, he could beat all of them in a fight with one hand tied behind his back. They may go to the best hero school in the entire country, but their style was sloppy, and their handle on their quirks was amateur at best. It wasn't their fault, obviously. They were actually way ahead of most people their age. It was just that Kaminari had had to learn all of those things on the fly with the threat of torture and starvation hanging over his head.
He was better than them now, and he probably always would be. Fear was an excellent motivator.
That didn't mean he'd ever intentionally fight them, though, and even if he was forced to, the most he would do was knock them out or something. He'd never, never purposely hurt them. He'd promised himself that much.
So yeah, he probably had figured out more about his classmates' quirks and weaknesses, albeit unintentionally, than Midoriya had. It wasn't his fault. It was just a reflex after being in the situation he'd been forced to live through for so long. It was honestly impressive that Midoriya was able to even notice half the things he did about everyone after having grown up with a loving mother in a comfortable home with regular, normal hardships that regular, normal kids faced.
You know, hardships such as bullying and money problems. Not getting shot in the stomach twice a week and having to kill people for money just to stay alive.
But, despite his skills and the fact that he could probably take on most of the teachers at UA without breaking a sweat, there were people he was actually wary of.
Nezu had been one of them, for instance, but that had been before they'd had their little talk in his office at one in the morning. He'd always found him intimidating, not to mention he'd been involved in way too much of Kaminari's business not to be suspicious, but all of that had been cleared up after he'd unveiled his past as well, so that wasn't really a problem anymore.
All Might was another, obviously. He was the top hero, and even though Kaminari had quickly figured out that he'd passed his quirk down to Midoriya and that he was nowhere near as powerful as he'd been in his heyday, he was still considered one of the top heroes and the consequences of him finding out Kaminari's identity would be dire. Plus, he'd gone up against his parents (if he could even call them that anymore) before. It was irrational, but Kaminari was always a little nervous that his teacher would somehow connect some nonexistent dots and figure out who he was based on a battle he'd had years ago.
There was Hawks as well, but he'd rather not get into that. Hawk was...a special case, one that Kaminari didn't want to reopen unless it was mutually agreed upon or when he absolutely had to. He wasn't necessarily nervous around him, and they were pretty good friends unbeknownst to, well, everyone, just...there was a whole lot of shit to unpack regarding...that whole situation.
So, to sum things up, when Aizawa had announced that a mandatory 'bonding' session had been agreed to between classes 1-A and 1-B, Kaminari's face had been passive, but his mind had been racing. Shinsou was in that class, and Shinsou was the only student Kaminari had officially deemed a threat.
The two had spoken a few times, despite their contrasting personalities. They were friends, obviously, because despite being tortured and absolutely traumatized for years on end, Kaminari's social skills were top notch. It didn't matter that Shinsou was someone he could easily beat in a fight (having a non-strength based quirk and all and being in class B); he was the only one who's quirk posed a consistant threat to Kaminari.
That alone, understandably, make him both actively and subconsciously more than a little wary of the boy.
Unfortunately, the gathering was permitted (despite the feud between the classes thanks to Bakugou being...well, himself, and Monoma being an absolute dickhead), and that was how Kaminari found himself crammed into his class's common room with the second hero course because apparently, the universe liked to torture Kaminari just as much as his parents did.
Whoop-de-doo. Fun times.
But it was fine. Everything was fine. Shinsou and Kaminari were friends. This was a school-issued gathering, not some crazy party that they'd had to sneak out to go to. He just had to shake off his unnecessary paranoia, thank the Lord for getting him out of a whole day of classes, and just enjoy himself, goddammit.
Even if he didn't want to make an effort to socialize, he was pretty sure one of his friends would coerce him into hanging out and having a good time anyway. They were good at that, that being making him happy.
"Hey! Kami!" Sure enough, Kaminari's eyes met Kirishima's from across the room. The redhead smiled, cocking his head towards the two students standing next to him, and waved enthusiastically above the crowd that had gathered. "C'mere! I want you to meet some people!"
Whelp. That was his cue. Nothing better to snap him out of self-deprecating thoughts and repressed memories than getting his social butterfly on and making new friends.
Kaminari gave Kirishima a nod and a wink. He rose from where he'd been sitting on the massive couch situated in front of the television in their common room and jogged through the forty or so other students scattered around the room all talking to each other.
He approached the trio with a cheery smile and a wave, coming to stand next to Kirishima who reflexively put his arm around his shoulders. He grinned enthusiastically at the newcomers, taking pleasure in the way they smiled back with just as much vigor. After all his time at UA, he never got used to people being nice to him from the get-go. He loved it.
"Guys, this is Denki Kaminari." The hand connected to the arm Kirishima had slung around Kaminari's shoulder patted his tricep in introduction. "He's one of my best friends, and overall he's just a pretty cool guy. Kaminari," He nodded towards the two onlooking students. "This is Shiozaki and Kendo from Class 1-B. I've been talking to them for a bit, and they seem like your kind of people."
Kaminari nodded, nudging Kirishima with the side of his head. "Thanks, man." He turned back to the two girls, eyes bright and gears in his head-turning. "Oh, hey! I know you!" He pointed at Shiozaki. "You're the girl I fought at the Sports Festival! Man, you're crazy strong. You totally deserved that win.
"Oh, well." Shinozaki scratched the back of her neck sheepishly. "It was all just luck, honestly. Your quirk is super powerful! It was just pure coincidence you shorted yourself out before you could do any real damage."
"Hey, don't downplay yourself like that." Kaminari punched her in the shoulder good-naturedly. It was really no coincidence at all, just a fair bit of method acting on his part, but it was good to know his performance had been convincing enough to fool even the person that had been standing a few feet away from him at the time. "I don't think I could've beaten you if I tried. You're amazing!" The girl smiled softly. Kaminari took the opportunity to look at the other student up and down. "Oh, wait, I know you too. You're the one who slaps Monoma around all the time, right?"
Unable to stop herself, Kendo snorted. "Yeah. We're sorry about him. He's an asshole."
Kirishima nodded solemnly. "Major asshole."
"Ugh, I knew I recognized you from somewhere!" Kaminari took her hand and shook it vigorously with a teasing smile plastered on his face. "You're literally my hero. That guy is way too creepy and gets on my nerves way too much. No offense, y'know, if you guys are friends or something..."
Kendo shrugged. "We kind of have to be since we live together, but I get your point. He's a major dickhead with a humongous ego."
"I know! And the way he ebbs Bakugou on all the time is going to get him killed someday."
"That's what I've been telling him!" Kendo laughed. It was a bright and cheery sound, very nice amongst the clammer of the other students around them. "You're a cool guy, Kaminari. Would you be down to schedule some sparring later after this party is over? I saw you at the sports festival, and I like I have a few pointers I could give you."
Kaminari shook his head, offering her a lopsided grin and an apologetic crinkle of his eyes. "Ah, as much as I'd love to, I think I'd have to decline. I'm not really trying to perfect any moves or anything right now, you know? I'm mostly just trying to broaden my quirk range so I can use more voltage."
A total lie, but whatever. He liked Kendo, he really did, but there was no way a girl as smart as her wouldn't catch onto something if they did regular training sessions together.
Kendo, thankfully, seemed to understand. "Aw, that sucks. Makes sense though." She cocked her head to the side, regarding him with bright eyes. "What about, just, studying in general? I know your grades aren't...the best, but you seem like a pretty cool guy, and it'd be cool if we could hang out so I could help with that!"
"Oh!" Kaminari blinked. That...that would actually be pretty helpful. "Oh, yeah! For sure! I'd love to." Then in a quieter voice, he said, "I kind of suck at everything."
Kendo laughed again, this time accompanied by Shiozaki as well.
"See, what did I tell you?" Kirishima squeezed the blond's shoulders good-naturedly, rocking them both back and forth. "This guy's amazing. I knew you'd like him."
"Mmhm." Kendo smiled enthusiastically. "You're good friends with Shinsou, right?" Kaminari nodded on autopilot. "That's so weird. He's like the most antisocial out of all of us."
"I dunno." The blond shrugged before he could read too much into it. "He's a cool guy. Fun to be around, you know?"
Actually, the reason two people with such contrasting personalities had become friends in the first place was probably because Kaminari had been in his position once, assumed to be a villain or a bad person thanks to something he could control, which in his case was his job as an assassin and in Shinsou's case was his quirk. The two had hit it off immediately, which, as Kendo had confirmed for him, seemed to have baffled both of their respective classes.
"Fun to be around?" Shiozaki repeated slowly. "I mean, he's cool and all and I like him a lot, but he doesn't seem like your kind of person."
"My kind of person?"
"Like an extrovert, you know?" Shiozaki looked him up and down. "Well, I mean, assuming you are an extrovert and everything. I probably shouldn't jump to conclusions since I literally just met you and everything, but you just seem really friendly and sociable and-"
"Relax." Kirishima squeezed Kaminari's cheek, grinning as the blond batted it away with a side-eyed glare. "Kami's as extroverted as they come. He can make friends with anybody, I swear."
"Dude," Kaminari elbowed him in the side, batting his hand away from his face. "Why're you being all weird and stuff."
"Just looking out for my number one bro, bro." There was a pause. "Don't' tell Bakugou I said that. He might explode me."
Kaminari snorted. "Noted." He turned back to the girls, both of whom were still smiling at the two 1-A students. "It was nice meeting you guys! We should hang out together sometime."
"Like, when our classes aren't competing and trying to bodily injure each other?"
"Yeah. Exactly."
Kendo offered him a smile and a curt laugh. "That'd be great, Kaminari." She held out a hand before the blond could turn away completely. "Oh! While I have you here and speaking of Shinsou, he was asking for you earlier. I think he's looking for you or something." She scratched her cheek. "So, just, like, so us a favor and find him before he goes all emo and ruins everyone's mood, 'kay?"
Kaminari snorted despite himself. "Yeah, sounds good. I'll find him."
"Cool." She waved good-naturedly, followed closely behind by Shiozaki. "We'll see you around!"
Kaminari nodded, gave the two girls a smile, and ducked out from under Kirishima's arm with a goodbye, a playful kick, and a smirk, leaving the redhead to converse as he always did with the two other students.
Okay. Shinsou wanted to see him. Find Shinsou.
Their common room was, honestly, packed to the brim, so he couldn't exactly scan the room for purple hair and then bounce right over. That was annoying, but at least the 'gathering' had been limited to the bottom floor only and not the upstairs where the dorms and student rooms were located. That would be an absolute nightmare, both for the cleaning staff and the teachers who had organized this party in the first place (ahem, leaving forty superpowered teenagers, some with multiple classroom rivalries with each other, alone in a mega-expensive dorm was not the best idea, ahem).
"Fucking hell," Kaminari murmured to himself. He'd been sidestepping people left and right and still hadn't caught a glimpse of his friend's signature purple hair or trademark eyebags, which, yes, were noticeable enough to see at a distance. "Where is this guy?"
He rounded the edge of the room, careful to avoid the angry (and probably unintentional) staring contest going on between Bakugou and Monoma in the corner, and squeezed through the few remaining students blocking the entryway to the mudroom. Sure enough, as soon as he did, a flash of purple entered his vision, paired with a contrasting pink and jet black.
He rolled his eyes, visibly slumping over in his spot. Of course he would scour the entire party and then find Shinsou in the entryway by the front doors, aka the most random place to be in a dorm full of comfy couches, food, peers, and the weirdest place to be during a school gathering regardless.
Although, apparently it wasn't that weird because Mina, Sero, and Iida were there too, the former two getting all up in his business and the class president visibly trying to talk the three unlikely allies out of whatever strange scheme or game they'd cooked up.
"C'mon, Iida!" Bits and pieces of the conversation filtered through the white noise created by the people talking behind him as he walked over. "It'll be fun."
"It's highly inappropriate," Iida responded immediately, pushing Mina aside only to have her be replaced by Sero. "I'm serious. It's a no."
"Lighten up!" Surprisingly, it was Shinsou who joined in the coercing next. "I have good control over my quirk, and there's not like any of us have something super serious to hide. Here, lemme just-" His eyes landed on Kaminari. "Perfect!" He grabbed his friend's arm before he could react, pulling him over to the little group they'd formed and planting him smack dab in front of Iida. "See! Watch this."
Oh, wait, no no no no-
"Kaminari." Shinsou's voice was silky smooth in his ear. It felt like his entire brain was being covered in velvet, the countless thoughts swirling around in his head stilling for the briefest of seconds. He felt...floaty. Almost like an out-of-body experience, if you will. The change was so sudden that Kaminari would've jerked if the purple-haired boy didn't already have complete control over him. "Tell me..." Shinsou made eye contact with Iida. Even without looking at him, Kaminari could tell the look in his gaze was smug. "What is your biggest secret?"
Kaminari's pulse skyrocketed.
The next four words were nothing more than a mere breath against his ear.
"Whisper it to me."
Kaminari's lips were moving before he had a chance to tell his body no.
"I'm the assassin named Golden." Kaminari wanted to throw up. Words were tumbling off his tongue without a care in the goddamn world, incriminating words that very well may have just gotten him killed. "I'm the one behind all of the unsolved murders. I'm the one the League of Villains is after. I'm the one responsible for murdering thousands of people. That is-"
The blanket of mind control fogging up his mind was yanked away abruptly, stopping him mid-thought. Kaminari's mouth snapped shut.
Shinsou took a visibly terrified step in the opposite direction.
Iida raised a curious, condescending, I-told-you-so eyebrow.
Mina furrowed her brown and opened her mouth to ask a question, and Kaminari...
Kaminari grabbed Shinsou by the arm and bolted.
xxx
Kaminari didn't stop until they reached the elevator, spam clicking the button until the doors slid open and pushing Shinsou inside. No one noticed Shinsou's petrified expression, nor Kaminari's hastiness that was bordering on panic. That was good. The last thing he needed was someone asking what was wrong and Shinsou outing him to the whole entire school.
His shoulders slumped as the elevator doors finally, finally, slid closed, separating the two from any prying eyes or curious classmates. Shinsou was still pressed against the back wall, eyes wide and scared and posture undeniably apprehensive, but Kaminari paid him no mind. He needed to focus. He could salvage this situation, he was sure of it. This didn't have to be the end of his highschool career, despite the fact that his friend's terrified face was suggesting otherwise. They just had to talk. That was it.
Most of all, he had to be delicate. One wrong word could send this situation spiraling with no hope of recovery.
He leaned over to press floor number three, keeping his movements slow and deliberate so Shinsou didn't get any wrong ideas. He leaned back, eyeing the boy warily with tired eyes and defeated shoulders, and put both of his hands up in surrender.
"Shinsou..."
"I'm sorry." Shinsou's panicked voice cut him off. He swallowed audibly, eyes darting every which way as if looking for an escape route. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think you would reveal something like that. I can forget it ever happened, I can leave you alone forever, you can zap my memory if you want, you can get me expelled just please-"
"Calm down," Kaminari murmured. His voice was calm. Soft. This was exactly what he'd been afraid of. The inability to listen, the lack of empathy when it came to this situation. He couldn't really blame Shinsou for automatically jumping to conclusions considering he'd just been told a good friend of his was an assassin and all that, but he was terrified. He hadn't offered him a chance to explain, instead making begs for the life he clearly thought Kaminari was going to take. "I'm not going to hurt you. It's okay."
Shinsou said nothing, only pressing into the elevator wall further.
"Look." Kaminari tried again. "As helpful as it would be if you forgot this ever happened, I need to explain some things." He offered a smile. It looked tight. "I'm not...I'm still Kaminari, Shinsou. I'm still the same person."
"You're an assassin." Shindou choked out after a moment. "You're Golden. We learned about you in class. You're the deadliest killer-" Kaminari winced despite himself at that word. "-the world's ever seen. Aizawa came in to talk about her- uh, him, I guess. You have eight-hundred recorded murders under your belt!"
"Thousands, actually." Kaminari didn't even try to deny it. It would be pointless lying now, especially with Shinsou's quirk. He needed to be completely and totally transparent with him, whether that meant telling him everything about his life or describing the bare minimum that he wanted to know.
"So you admit it?" Shinsou's voice rose an octave, eyes quickly filled with inexplicable horror in addition to the previous lingering terror. "It's true? It's not just a freaky ass joke?"
"I admit it," Kaminari said simply because as much as he would like to play this entire situation off as one big prank, Shinsou could either ask him again with his quirk or go off to people and unknowingly link Kaminari and Golden together by talking about it. The last thing he needed was for his name and his alias to be together in the same sentence. He'd already had enough close calls before, not to mention this one right here, and he didn't need Yaoyorozu or someone accidentally associating him with things Golden did. "I'm not going to lie to you, Shinsou."
The elevator doors opened, revealing the bare third floor of the dorm lined with doors and scattered trinkets people had left lying around. Kaminari peeked around the edge to make sure no one had snuck away from the party or something before grabbing Shinsou's hand and pulling him, albeit gently, out and to his room.
He pretended not to see the way his friend flinched at the contact.
He quickly crossed the expanse of the hallway and to his door. He opened the knob carefully, once again making his moves harmless and predictable, and gestured for him to enter. Shinsou complied with tense muscles and jerky movements, hesitantly stepping through the threshold and flinching when Kaminari followed and closed the door behind him.
And that was it. They, one person armed with the knowledge that could potentially destroy the other's life and the other desperately trying to make him understand, were totally and utterly alone.
The silence that filled the room was suffocating.
"Are you going to kill me?" Shinsou's choked whisper interrupted their staring contest. His breathing was erratic, which was slurring his words a little, but Kaminari could understand them just fine, and even if he couldn't, the tears dancing in front of those purple eyes spoke for themselves. "Because if you are, I'd much rather you get it over with. I really can't take this suspense, and I'm so sorry I found out your secret, and if you could please just let me go, I'll never speak to you again-"
"I'm not going to kill you." Kaminari interrupted softly, tone so sincere and impossibly sad that it halted whatever Shinsou had been about to say next. "I swear. I would never do that." Golden eyes met purple ones. "You know that, Shinsou."
Shinsou took a step back. "You're Golden-"
"I'm Kaminari." The blond interjected. "You know me. I'm the clumsy doofus who can never beat anyone in combat and has a quirk that makes his brain go stupid for a few hours. I'm the class idiot who has never wanted to hurt any of you."
"But that was all an act?" It sounded more like a question than a statement, more pathetic and confused than anything else. "That's...none of that is true. It's... you're an assassin, Kaminari, I just...I really can't..."
Kaminari contemplated for a moment while Shinsou caught his breath.
"Yes." He said after a beat. "Well, parts of it are, at least. I can beat any of my classmates or your classmates in hand-to-hand combat blindfolded and with one leg tied behind my back. The 'stupid' acts I put on after I supposedly overuse my quirk are fake. My quirk is significantly more potent than anyone else's in this school, and my supposed 'limit' on it is about two billion." He paused, considering. "But I've never wanted to hurt any of you, Shinsou. I'd rather die than have that happen."
"You're an assassin-"
"I'm a person," Kaminari murmured. He took a step forward. Shinsou took a step back. He bit his lip, carefully sitting down on his bed in a sign of surrender. "I'm the same Kaminari you've always known. I just...I need to explain somethings, okay?" There was a stretch of silence. "There's a reason you haven't used your quirk to force me to get out, Shinsou."
That last sentence hung in the air, suffocating them.
"What's stopping me from telling everyone?" Shinsou's eyes were still wide, terrified, and apprehensive, but his words were hard as steel. "You've killed a ridiculous amount of people, Kaminari. No one knows your identity. You've been a mystery for years. You...you deserve to go to jail. I can just walk out of here and go straight to Principal Nezu."
"Principal Nezu knows, actually." Kaminari kept his voice gentle. If Shinsou was looking for a reaction to his words, he wasn't going to find it. He wasn't an inherently violent person, despite all he'd done. His friend had made a threat, but making one and acting upon one were two very different things. He wouldn't show any reaction unless he absolutely had to. "He's aware of my identity. He's okay with it."
Shinsou blinked. "You're lying."
"Ask me yourself, then." Kaminari stood up from the bed. "Use your quirk. Ask me if Principal Nezu knows."
Shinsou pursed his lips and let his eyes drop, a shudder exhale racking his body. He was tempted, Kaminari could see that much, but he made no move to act on his offer. That was good, all things considered. He wasn't totally petrified of him to the point where he didn't trust a single thing that came out of his mouth, at least.
"So you're not going to hurt me," Shinsou spoke slowly, taking a careful step forward towards the blond but making a point to stay out of arms reach. "You, the deadliest assassin the world's ever seen, is not going to hurt me."
"Correct." Kaminari nodded in confirmation. He twisted his fingers together. "I'm not a violent person, Shinsou."
"You're a murderer!"
"I'm an assassin." Kaminari corrected gently. "There's a difference. The line between cold-blooded killer and assassin may be blurred and contorted sometimes, but there definitely is one. It exists."
"Oh, right." Shinsou snorted, backing up a few steps. He was still scared out of his mind, that much was clear, and Kaminari couldn't really blame him, but it made his heart hurt at the apparent terror painted on his face despite the false bravado of his words. "Because assassins kill for money, is that it? The difference is that you killed all those people and got paid?"
"I wasn't paid," Kaminari said after a moment. He took a step forward, testing the waters. Shinsou didn't move. He took another step, then another, then another, until the two boys were about four feet apart, each standing and staring at each other at near-equal height. Kaminari slowly, deliberately, sat on the ground. After a few moments of hesitant suspicion, Shinsou joined him. He was still on edge, still clearly viewed Kaminari as dangerous, but that little bit of acceptance made the blond's heart bloom with warmth. "Here. I'm going to be totally honest and transparent with you right now. You can use your quirk on me if you want. I don't care. Just know that I haven't lied to you yet, and I have no intention of lying to you now."
"So..."
"So. Ask me any question you want." Kaminari splayed his hands out in front of him. "I'm still Denki Kaminari. I'm still your friend. I'll answer everything you ask honestly, and don't be afraid to ask anything you want. I'm not going to hurt you." He bit his lip nervously. He'd been doing an excellent job so far of keeping up the passive and calm facade, but he was about as scared as Shinsou was, if even for a completely different reason. "If you still want to tell everyone after I've explained everything to you...then I can't stop you. Just...uh, I'm not trying to gaslight you or anything, but if you do, um, decide to expose my identity, then that's basically like signing my death warrant."
"Death warrant?" Shinsou frowned and folded his hands in his lap. He was still eyeing Kaminari warily, but he wasn't actively backing up in terror anymore. That was a start. "What do you mean by that?"
"There's a bounty out on my head," Kaminari responded smoothly. "Last I checked, it was up to almost seven-hundred million USD, but that was months ago. I have no idea how much the price has gone up since then."
"A bounty?" Shinsou's voice was hushed but morbidly intrigued. "By who? The police? Why haven't I heard of it? Wouldn't it be more efficient if everyone knew of it so they had a better chance of finding you?"
"No, it's not put out by the police. As far as I know, I'm a cold case." Kaminari smiled sourly, eyes flickering down. "I covered my tracks well." Golden eyes met purple ones. "The bounty was put out by my parents on the black market. Nearly every big-name villain knows about it, but only a few big-name villains know my actual identity and not just my alias. One of those few big-name villains includes All For On, who's direct subordinate is Shigaraki, who is the leader of the League of Villains."
"So you're the one responsible for all the attacks on UA?"
Kaminari wrinkled his nose. "I wouldn't say...responsible. They're just obsessive creeps that want nothing more than money, power, and to either kill me or return me to my parents. I've been helping minimize the attacks and the damage by fighting them when no one is looking and using myself as bait to get them away from my classmates and the school, but there's really nothing I can do other than that. I do have two friends looking out for me on the inside, though. Toga and Dabi."
Shinsou's eyes widened. "You're friends with people from the League of Villains!?"
Kaminari nodded solemnly. "Yeah. We grew up together, all in the same place and all in the same god awful conditions. They weren't...they're not inherently bad people. Toga doesn't kill anyone who doesn't deserve it, and she helps keep Dabi in check whenever he acts up too much these days. We-" Kaminari bit his lip, staring up at Shinsou and begging him to understand. "We were just kids, Shinsou. We were kids."
"Kids..." Shinsou trailed off. "Wait, most of Mr. Aizawa's information about you was horribly inaccurate, right?"
Kaminari nodded. "That's correct."
"But was there anything that was actually true? Anything that actually lined up with what actually happened?"
Oh. He knew what Shinsou was getting at, and he wasn't sure he liked it.
"Yes." He confirmed softly. "I was seven when I first started assassinating officially. I was almost three when I was forced to start training."
"Okay, wait." Shinsou shook his head, holding up a hand. "Just...explain everything. From the beginning. I feel like I'm missing something very important here."
"Okay, um." Kaminari exhaled shakily. He squeezed his fingers into fists, nails cutting into his palm and making harsh little indents. "Okay, so, uh, I was born in what's basically known as the underworld of Japan. It's like the black market, you know? I was constantly surrounded by villains and stuff, so my life was basically 'stay out of everyone's way or die.' Well, um, my parents, you may have heard of them, they're Scarlet Killer and Livewire, so. My life was...a living hell if I'm being honest."
"Those are-" Shinsou choked on nothing, freezing on the spot. "Those are your parents? T-they're-"
"Some of the most wanted and dangerous criminals on the black market, I know. I guess it runs in the family, right?" He bit out a laugh. It was sour, devoid of any humor or playfulness, but neither of them commented on it. "Anyway, they, uhm." He tugged at the collar of his shirt, slowly pulling it up and over his head until his entire chest was bare and exposed. He averted his eyes, scratching the back of his head in a way that was bordering between sheepish and embarrassed. "Yeah. This...happened."
"Holy fuck." Shinsou put a hand to his mouth, eyes blowing wide and glassy. "Y-your parents did this to y-you?"
"Yeah." Kaminari huffed out a laugh. "It's okay. You can touch them...if you want. Everyone in my class has already seen them anyway, so..." He shrugged, trailing off. "They already know that my parents were...abusive."
"Abusive.." Shinsou choked. He reached out despite himself, fingers lightly brushing over the ugly, discolored scar decorating Kaminari's wrist from where he'd dug his tracker out all those years ago. "Kaminari, abusive doesn't even being to describe-"
"I know." The blond cut him off with a gentle smile, eyes soft and misty. It had been, god, it had been so long since he'd had someone to talk about this with. Sure, there was Nezu, but this was Shinsou. "That's just what my classmates think. I'm honestly not sure how they bought it, but they only saw a flash of my skin. You're the first one I'm actually showing everything I've been through to, so..." He gestured up and down. "Take it all in."
"They did all of this to you?" Shinsou's voice was no more than a terrified whisper. His finger moved up to the admittedly morbid scar traveling from his collarbone down to his bellybutton that had been made from the rather sharp slice of a whip. "Kaminari, how are you-"
"Okay?" Kaminari finished for him. "I don't know. It was just my regular, I guess. I was used to it." He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again. "I've never really received love before UA. I thought it was something only in storybooks and fairytales. I mean, sure, Toga and Dabi were great, but we were raised in the world of kill or be killed. They weren't exactly the most...lovey-dovey people, you know?" He took a deep breath, gently pulling his arm away from Shinsou's wandering fingers. "My parents didn't really think of me as their son. I was more like...their possession, like something they owned. They didn't care what they did to me or how much it hurt."
"Holy shit." Shinsou breathed. "Kaminari, I'm so sorry, ohmygod. How did you..." He trailed off, unable to articulate precisely what he wanted to say. "I can't even imagine."
"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "Believe it or not, most of these were a product of, um...assassin training and things. My parents...Shinsou, you've got to understand that my parents were not good people. They forced me into all of this, I swear."
He took a deep breath, trying and failing to quell his desperately beating heart.
"They started torturing me from the age of three, started starving and dehydrating me to the brink of death, and then fixing me up just to do it all again. They would drop me off in the middle of the wilderness without a care in the world if I lived and came back to them or died, they would spend hours cutting into my skin and forcing me to bleed out all over the floor, they would electrocute me a thousand times over so I could build resistance to my quirk, they would have five-year-old me go up against some of the most powerful villains in the underworld and then beat me to the brink of death if I didn't win, they would burn me with torches, they would hold me underwater until I was barely breathing to build up my stamina, they would shoot me in the stomach for not doing well enough in training, just...Shinsou, please. I had no choice."
"Kaminari..." Shinsou still looked unsure, but his resolve was definitely waning. He stared into teary golden irises uncertainly, and for once, Kaminari wasn't putting up an emotional front or an act. Those were genuine, desperate tears in his eyes. He was genuinely begging, pleading Shinsou to understand even a fraction of the horror he still refused to admit to himself that he'd gone through. "You've...you've killed people..."
"I had to!" Kaminari choked on his words, voice breaking violently as he struggled to compose himself. "Shinsou, I was a kid who had to endure more pain and suffering in a single day than most people would ever have to in their entire lives! Do you know how high my pain tolerance is? I could get shot in the stomach five times right now and I wouldn't even flinch! Do you even realize how messed up that is? I'm fifteen years old, man! I was three years old when all of this started! I had to assassinate so my parents wouldn't kill me! I did it because I was brainwashed! With every kill I made and every million dollars my parents took away from the jobs I did, all I was hoping in return was to be spared from one, one, knife slice or torture session. Did I ever get that wish? No!"
Kaminari was full-on hyperventilating now, begging Shinsou to understand his predicament and the fact that he wasn't a bad person.
"But you could've..." Shinsou's voice faltered. "You weren't...aren't you the most skilled assassin in the world? Couldn't you have just...snuck away? Or...killed them and been done with it...?"
"SHINSOU!" Kaminari slammed his hand on the ground, tears now cascading down his face with no sign of stopping. "I was THREE YEARS OLD. I was BRAINWASHED. I didn't know what the hell was going on because I lived in the black market! Do you think I didn't try to stop my parents from hurting and neglecting me to the point of death?! Do you think I WANTED TO BE TORTURED EVERY DAY WITH NO MERCY AND THEN FORCED TO KILL PEOPLE AT NIGHT?!"
Shinsou shifted uncomfortably. "But couldn't you still have...killed them or something...?" He sounded unsure, and that made Kaminari's blood boil.
"No." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His cheeks were wet, his eyes were teary, and he was still crying with no sign of stopping, but some things just couldn't wait until he was calm and composed. "They're not my parents, Shinsou. Biologically, yes, but they're my torturers. They're my abusers, and as far as I'm concerned, my captors. They're the people that withheld food from me whenever I so much looked at them wrong and sliced my skin open on the daily for no other reasons than to hear me scream until I couldn't anymore and to 'make me stronger.'" He lifted his gaze to meet Shinsou's. "I'm...look, I'm petrified of them. They...how couldn't I be? They did unspeakable things to me, Shinsou. Just...look at it from my perspective, okay? I was...I was scared. I saw them as my parents, I didn't know what they were doing was so...inhumane, I didn't know how fucking sick they were until I got to UA, okay?"
Shinsou furrowed his brow. "But-"
"I'm not a bad person!" Kaminari murmured quietly. "If you were going to make some offhand comment about how I've killed people, then don't. Do you want to know what happened the first time I refused to kill someone?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I was strung up for three days with no food or water and had a hole drilled through my stomach because I fucking yelled at them that I wasn't going to kill anymore!" He pointed to an ugly discolored patch of skin right above his belly button, still red and raw and painful. "They left me to bleed out for days, Shinsou. The only reason I survived was because Toga helped patch me up and we found a healer who was gracious enough to let in a stray, bruised, and beaten little boy. I was nine! And I was so used to stuff like that at that point that it didn't even hurt! I didn't even cry!"
"Kaminari-"
"I had no choice." If Kaminari hadn't been begging before, he sure was now. "Shinsou, please. You need to understand that I did all I could. If I didn't kill, I was tortured to the brink of death. If I tried to run away and failed, I was thrown into a dark room for days on end with no food, no water, and knives stuck in my feet. If I tried to attack my parents, which I tried to once..." He stopped, choking on his own words. "They would kill me. They sliced me open, burned my skin to a crisp, and then shock me until my heart started beating again just so they could do it all over." He swallowed thickly. "I was a kid, Shinsou. I was a fucking kid! I still am!"
The room was quiet other than the sound of Kaminari's labored breathing.
"So..." Shinsou's voice was quiet. Soft. "How did you...escape?"
Kaminari nearly crumpled from relief. Shinsou understood.
"When I was thirteen, I was fed up. I hated killing, I hated villainy, and most of all, I hated my parents. I had tried to escape one other time before that when I was nine years old, and I'd gotten caught. But that time, I had Dabi to help me escape my horrible situation. Both Dabi and Toga played a part in getting me out. It was relatively small, but it helped. I was sent out on a job, and I was able to slip under the radar of whatever goons my parents sent to watch me and escape to the surface. There, I dug out the tracker my parents had embedded in me." He pointed to the dark blotch on his wrist that Shinsou had been touching minutes before. "The knife wasn't sterilized and it was hard to get out, but I did it. That tracker had been why I'd gotten caught the first time. Once I removed it, all I had to do was patch up my wrist before the wound got infected and hide out." He smiled tightly. "I was on the streets until I got to UA."
"Two years?" Shinsou murmured. "Really? And no one ever caught you?"
Kaminari shrugged. "My parents run a covert operation. I don't even think they realized I was missing until the villains that had followed me turned up dead. No one besides a select few people know my true identity. Everyone who knows that Denki Kaminari is Golden is either dead, one of the higher up villains in the hierarchy, Principal Nezu, or you." He gestured lightly to Shinsou. "I don't really know what happened, but my parents only put out a hit for Golden, not Denki Kaminari. As far as most of the villain community know, Golden just simply disappeared off the face of the earth. No one in the underground knew what I looked like, and even if they saw me in passing or something, my face was usually blooded and bruised until it was...unrecognizable. So, basically, the only people that were after me two years ago and that are after me now are the few super-powerful villains who actually know who I am and what I looked like. That's why I was able to compete at the Sports Festival and everything and have my face on television."
"But if your parents were watching, how come they haven't come after you?"
Kaminari just shrugged at that. "In all honesty, I'm not really sure. They're not the type to get their hands dirty, I guess. The League of Villains is doing that for them, to my knowledge."
There was a long stretch of silence.
"Have you killed anyone since you've escaped?" Shinsou's voice was quiet. Unsure.
Kaminari considered for a moment. "No one who didn't deserve it."
"Meaning...?"
"When I was out alone on the streets, I kind of had to kill anyone who came after me. They were all bad people though, don't worry. I've never killed an innocent since I've escaped, and even then, my parents mostly only assigned me jobs to kill people that weren't entirely good either, so..." He shrugged, trailing off. "Yeah."
"Okay." Shinsou was quiet for a moment. Kaminari just watched him, not pushing, not pressing, only merely existing in his presence. "When was the last time you killed?"
"About a month after the USJ incident." He replied automatically. "It was at the close of the semester, and I was dead broke. I mean, that's not exactly uncommon for people at this school, but most of them have at least enough money to put down a deposit and then their parents or relatives help around the campus or help with extracurriculars to compensate for the money they can't pay. I obviously didn't have that, so I assassinated one last time for enough money to get me through all three years at UA and then some if the occasion ever arises." At Shinsou's startled look, Kaminari quickly shook his head. "It wasn't some random offer or anything. I killed a guy named Hisoka. Y'know, actively involved in the child sex trafficking ring, had over one hundred rape allegations against him, super bad dude and a total creep."
"So...what?" Shinsou's voice wasn't bitter, exactly, and it wasn't super friendly either, but the subtle acceptance lacing his tone was more than enough to make the blond want to jump for joy. "Now you're hiding out here? Laying low while our teachers give lessons on you and specifically highlight the fact that you have the highest kill count ever recorded?"
"Yes." Kaminari nodded. There was no use denying the truth, especially if he'd already spilled everything of importance to him in the first place. "To be fair, all the info Aizawaw has on me is horribly inaccurate. He thinks I'm a girl."
"You are pretty lean."
"Thank you?" Kaminari offered a smile. Shinsou returned it, if only begrudgingly. "Look, Shinsou, I swear to you, I'm not a bad person. I came to UA to escape the hell I've been through, and it worked. I've created friendships here, friendships with you and everyone else. I've received more love in the time I've been here than I have in my entire life! I...Shinsou, I can't lose all of this. This is the one good thing that's ever happened to me in my miserable life. You all are the one thing that has actually given my existence a purpose."
"And that purpose would be...?" Shinsou's voice was tentative yet apprehensive. His eyes were soft, fond, almost, but still held an edge to them. That was okay. That was more than okay. At least he wasn't screaming in his face and calling him a monster for all the horrible things he'd done in his life. As long as he didn't do that, as long as he showed the most minimal amount of acceptance, Kaminari would be okay.
"Protecting all of you," Kaminari stressed the last world, whether it be on purpose or because he was getting choked up, he didn't know. "Shinsou, I still deny myself food and water for days on end. I still day up for weeks straight and train my skills in the dead of night while the rest of you are asleep. I run for miles on end until I throw up to keep up my stamina. I still...I hurt myself, not because I want to, but because I need to to keep my skills and abilities the best I can so I can keep all of you safe."
Wide purple eyes met wet golden ones.
"Look." Kaminari exhaled shakily. "You can get me expelled, you can hate me, you can think I'm a horrible person who deserved to die, I don't care. Just please, please don't' take away the one thing that actually makes me happy in this hell hole of a life. I'm torturing myself to protect the people I love, and if you tell all of them and they hate me, then I won't be able to-" He stopped, choking on his own words. "Shinsou, please."
The room was silent save for Kaminari's labored breathing.
Then, slowly, deliberately, Shinsou opened his arms.
"C'mere."
And for the first time in a long while, Kaminari let himself bawl.
xxx
"You're okay." Shinsou didn't know how long he held Kamnari as he cried, fingers absentmindedly tracing patterns over his marred skin as his shirt was soaked with the older's tears. "It's okay. It's...it's fine, I don't hate you, I'm not going to tell anyone."
Comforting people wasn't exactly Shinsou's strong suit, but he was making an effort, and that was what mattered. Even if his words weren't enough to lessen Kaminari's breakdown, he was more than content with letting him sob his arms for as long as he pleased because, from the sound of it, today had been the first day in a long time he'd ever allowed himself a good cry.
Was this situation confusing? Yes, undeniably. Was it a perfect example of moral ambiguity? Absolutely. There was no clear-cut way to go about this, no obvious decision as to what Shinsou should do regarding this whole mess of emotions and confessions and mindblowing secrets. This was much more complicated than just a black and white simulation where the line between good and evil could be easily seen. This was a multilayered story, one that Shinsou knew he could never hope to understand the full effects of unless he experienced it for himself.
Admittedly, he'd been quite standoffish towards Kaminari when he'd first whispered his biggest secrets into his ear. How could one blame him? His friend was an assassin, for fuck's sake. He had the highest kill count in the world by Aizawa's statistics and even higher one by his own. When Kaminari had thrown him into the elevator and closed the doors, Shinsou had honestly thought that was it for him, that he was going to be slaughtered in cold blood without a say in which way he went.
Surprisingly, despite his apprehensions and terror, he didn't use his quirk to tell Kaminari to leave.
But then that whole story had spilled out of Kaminari like a waterfall, and it had become much more apparent that the line between good and evil was much more blurred and up to interpretation that he'd initially thought.
The scars permanently marking Kaminari's pale, porcelain skin were enough proof of that.
Had Kaminari killed people? Yes. Had he wanted to? Absolutely not. He had made that abundantly clear throughout their conversation, even with Shinsou was being a close-minded asshole and accusing him of not trying to get out of his horrible situation, which, by the way, made him want to slap himself from fifteen minutes in the past because what the fuck was that? This was Kaminari. This was the guy who did everything in his power to make the people around him feel loved and cared for and always made it his mission to brighten everyone's day.
And, as it turned out, he'd made it his mission to singlehandedly protect each and every one of them too. Selfless, self-sacrificing bastard.
Not to mention, by the sound of it, Kaminari's parents never made him kill innocent people. By the way he'd worded things, Shinsou could infer that his parents picked and chose the assassinations very carefully, meaning they either made their son kill people for their own personal gain or took on jobs for money. Either way, no innocent person would have a bounty on their head or have beef with two of the most powerful criminals in Japan. So Kaminari, in his youth, in his childhood that had been brutally ripped away from him at the age of two or three, had been primarily killing criminals and people who did illegal stuff.
Sure, death was a cruel and unusual punishment for anyone, and sure, maybe some of the said criminals he killed were only drug dealers or something and didn't deserve it, but he hadn't been a mindless serial killer murdering for fun, and he hadn't enjoyed doing it. He'd been forced, tortured, brutally beaten, degraded, and trained until his parents could control him completely.
He may as well have been brainwashed.
Shinsou couldn't...he couldn't even imagine going through even a quarter of what Kaminari had to face. It was a miracle the boy could even get out of bed in the morning at all with all of that undeniable trauma weighing him down, let alone use up all his energy in making his classmates and friends smile and laugh each day.
"I didn't want to do it," Kaminari mumbled into his chest, voice soft, quiet, and oh so vulnerable. "Please, Shinsou. I swear to you."
And by god, if that wasn't the most honest, genuine, and sincere confession he'd ever heard.
"I know," Shinsou whispered in response. He tucked Kaminari's head back into his neck. "I know. It's okay, please stop crying. This was all your parent's fault, not yours. You're a victim, not a psychopath. It's okay."
"Thank you." The relief lining Kaminari's voice was incomprehensible. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. This means everything to me."
Shinsou just nodded, a ghost of a smile resting on his lips. "And hey, it's pretty cool, right? I mean, you could probably take down the entirety of the school blindfolded and with one arm tied behind your back. Am I right?"
"Yeah." Kaminari laughed wetly. "My skills and abilities were the only good things to come out of my parents, even if they were hell to attain." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry, this is stupid. I don't even know why I'm crying."
Shinsou blinked. "Kaminari, if anyone deserves to cry, it's you."
The blond half-shrugged. "I dunno. I'm kind of...desensitized to all this stuff. It doesn't really bother me that much." He averted his gaze to the other side of the room. "I think I was more scared that you'd hate me and tell everyone more than anything else." He shifted a little, pulling back from Shinsou's hold but not much. "I just don't really want you guys to think of me as a terrible cold-blooded killer, you know? I mean, like, I don't care if random passerbyers or villains think that of me, but you guys are my friends, you know?"
"Yeah." Shinsou was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry I was so...not understanding earlier, and I'm sorry I made you reveal this."
Kaminari snorted. "It's okay. I can't blame you for freaking out a little. I mean, when I first told you, the way I worded it did make me kind of seem like a murderous psychopath who kills for fun or something." He smiled lightly. "And the secret thing with your quirk...yeah, maybe don't ask that question to other people? But, like, someone was bound to find out soon anyway. I'm just glad it was you. I haven't...I haven't been able to talk about all this with anyone for a long time."
Shinsou blinked. "What about Nezu? Doesn't he know?"
"Yeah, but...I mean, yeah, but I haven't really gone in-depth with him. I didn't have to explain everything to him as I did to you. He already knew my situation and the fact that I was forced to do what I had to do to survive."
"Wait, he knew?"
"Yeah." Kaminari shrugged nonchalantly. "He's smart, I guess. Who knows."
Enough identities had already been spilled for today. He didn't need to out another assassin and make this whole mess even more convoluted and complicated than it already was.
"Are you ever going to tell anyone else about your identity?" Shinsou asked quietly after a moment. "I mean, you'll be with us for the next two years."
Kaminari pursed his lips and shook his head. "I'd rather not, but...I don't know. It would be ideal to graduate with no one figuring it out, but based on what happened today..." He gestured helplessly to Shinsou. "That could pretty much change at any moment. But hey!" He brightened considerably. It would've been comical how quickly he went from calm and dejected to bright and cheery if his cheeks weren't still stained with old tear tracks. "At least I have you to cover for me, right? And now I have someone I can tell all the morbid horror stories from my childhood to! Isn't that awesome?"
Despite himself, Shinsou cracked a small smile. "Yeah. Awesome.".
