Sparks Fly
A DC fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. Superman, Livewire, Batman and all other characters and worlds are the property of Warner Brothers and DC Comics. Please support the official release.
Leslie: "Hello Metropolis and viewers around the world, this is Livewire! As those of you watching our stream can see but those of you just listening will have to take our word for, we have in the studio today: Superman! And Lois Lane, for some reason."
Lois: "Streaming huh? Getting back to your roots as a cam girl, Willis?"
Leslie: "Nah, just giving you some experience when the Daily Planet turns into a phone app. Better use the fish eye lens to make those things look as big as possible."
Lois: "I guess I'll just defer to the expert when it comes to showing off cleavage."
Superman: "Ahem..."
Leslie: "So, Superman. First off... Thanks for coming onto the show and thanks for saving Metropolis from lots of crazy crap. Never let it be said I'm ungrateful."
Superman: "Well, thank you Leslie. I really appreciate that."
Leslie: "Buuut, after watching footage of you in action, I think it's safe to say you're... Pretty new at the superhero thing?"
Superman: "Yes, I haven't been active very long."
In his office, Perry White feels a sudden migraine coming on.
Leslie: "Yeah, I kind of figured. I asked a hand to hand combat expert from US Special Forces about your combat performance... He had some critiques. One, you seem to take tanking damage literally. I mean, I get you're trying to act as a shield, but in many situations you could have been better served by dodging. You are invulnerable, pretty much, but you do seem to take hits to your stamina."
Superman: "I wouldn't say I'm invulnerable, but I am very, very tough. But anyone can get overwhelmed and I suppose I might rely on it a little too much."
Leslie: "Secondly, and, just putting it out there... You do realize you have legs, right? You can kick."
Superman: "It's a lot harder to control a kick rather than a punch. Having strength like mine? You need a LOT of control. It'd be easy for me to kill someone if I wasn't making sure I held back. Even if they were in, say, powered armor."
In prison, John Corben suddenly finds he's lost his appetite.
Leslie: "He final critique is kind of all over that: Basically that you need more control and to not overthink fights as much. But it's probably hard for you to find a sparring partner."
Superman: "Extremely."
Leslie: "And of course, we have thousands and THOUSANDS of comments on ways for you to learn better control... Most of them from anime... Why don't we take a look?"
Lois: "Really? This is the show?"
Leslie: "Megami41 suggests 'Wear really heavy weights and learn how to move normally with them. Then take them off.'"
Superman: "Not a lot of things heavy enough and easy to wear under spandex. What's the next comment?"
Leslie: "Bl... Blurgzballs223? I think? They suggest 'Make a clone of yourself to fight.'"
Superman: "Somebody did that, it did not end well."
Leslie: "Lots of comments about how hot you look... How you are totally gay... It's the Internet people, what do you expect?"
Leslie: "This one says 'Is there something that will turn off your powers so you can train normally... And that's a lot of emotes after..."
Superman: "Maybe... What's the next one?"
Leslie: "This one just says you should find Master Roshi... And then an argument about who the best mentor from various shonen animes is..."
Lois: "Oh my God, do you actually know what she's talking about?"
Superman: "You don't?"
Lois: "Geez..."
Leslie: "Annnd now there's a whole flood of OMG Superman's an anime fan comments. Moving right along. This commenter thinks you'd look better if your costume was all black."
Superman: "No thanks. I don't want to horn in on someone else's color scheme."
Leslie: "This one asks 'If you are the last Kryptonian, will you have children to repopulate the species?"
Superman: "I do want to have kids some day. But the woman would have to be very special. I'd teach them their heritage of course, but Earth is my home. And their home too. So that would take precedent."
Leslie: "Well, I think you're a shoe in for a green card at this rate. But hey, you could always marry for your citizenship."
Superman: *smile* "Are you volunteering?"
Leslie: "No thanks. But Lane looks like she's getting pretty desperate so hey!"
Lois: "We're friends, Willis. And I wouldn't be talking about desperate looking when you don't know how to cover up your belly."
Leslie: "Yeah Miss Prude, I'll get right on that when you wear a skirt that doesn't show off your panties when you 'accidentally' misstep."
After the commercial break...
Leslie: "Well, we've had some fun this interview. Something to shake things up and entertain, but we need some food for thought. So here we get to the unscripted bit."
Lois: "Hey, you never said-"
Leslie: "Oh what, the Daily Planet is Superman's PR firm now? I guess that would be the case since otherwise you'd have to start running clickbait articles to stay afloat."
Lois: "At least we do actual journalism you yellow-!"
Superman: "Lois, it's all right. This is why I came on the show. Go ahead Leslie."
Lois fumes as Leslie smirks a bit.
Leslie: "So, Superman: You say you're here to help out, protect the world, generally use your powers for good. Isn't that right?"
Superman: "It is, yes."
Leslie: "But good can be a complicated thing. So can evil. I mean, why don't you just go and kill off all the evil dictators in the world? That would be seen as good by a lot of people."
Superman: "In their view, yes. It would."
Leslie: "And we still have wars, and crime, and violence... I mean, you could take over the world. Most people who tried thought they were doing it for its own good. That they would do a better job running it. And here you are, the Superman, who could redefine good and evil. Or just define it. You have that power... You can't tell me you aren't at least tempted from time to time to take over?"
Superman is quiet for a long time, thinking it over. Leslie doesn't say anything, and looks like she's holding her breath. Lois is the same.
Superman: "Anyone with power is tempted to abuse it. Doesn't matter who they are, or what kind of power they have. They are. And I'm no different. The temptation is always there."
Superman lets out a long sigh.
Superman: "But my power doesn't mean I'd make a better world if I was in charge. It would just be a world under me. It would probably be a lot worse, because for all my abilities, I still fail. I still screw up. I still make mistakes."
Superman leans forward, looking very grave. Lois and Leslie are watching intently. Lois looks tempted to put her hand on his shoulder, but she resists.
Superman: "I might have the powers of a god, but when it comes to reason and judgement? I'm still as mortal as anyone else. And as a mortal, I recognize that I need to use this power responsibly. I can't fix all the world's problems. No one can. But I can use this power to make the world a better place, and encourage other people to realize they also have the ability to make the world a better place. Because nobody can do it alone. Together? We have a much better chance."
Leslie: "... That's... Actually a lot more honest than I was expecting."
Superman: "Yeah. I'd make a lousy politician."
Leslie: "Yeah. Yeah, you'd suck at it."
Lois visibly relaxes, as does Superman. Leslie smiles.
Leslie: "... I guess we can skip the comments asking you to kill such and such. Some of them are really disturbing, even for me. We have got a comment from Tetsuya Nomura... You want to do some voice acting?"
Superman: "For who?"
Leslie: "Sephiroth, Final Fantasy 7."
Superman: Eyebrows rise "Really?"
Leslie: "Apparently you have a very serious tone that he likes."
Lois: "Do you have nothing but weebs who listen to your show?"
Leslie: "Looks like. Come on Lane, join the Weeaboo side: Think of it as your chance to bully nerds in completely new ways!"
Lois: "I was a nerd. Just a different species of nerd. There's plenty of weird junk right here in America."
Leslie: "Wow, and they call me provincial. 'Planet Doomed, Metropolis Most Affected.'"
Lois: "That was released on April Fool's Day. Guess the joke went over your head."
Leslie: "This from the lady in high heels. Little insecure are we?"
Lois: "I'm not the one wearing a push up bra-Though with udders like those, I'm surprised you aren't calling yourself a cyborg. How much silicone did they need?"
Leslie: "I'm all natural, Miss 'Violet Eyes.'"
Lois: "With a dye job like that I'm amazed you can say the word 'natural' without laughing."
Superman: "You do realize most of the comments are now largely about you two kissing, right?"
Leslie: "Eh. I don't want my tongue stuck in Miss Frigid here."
Lois: "Please! Like you'd even know what to do with me."
After the last commercial break..
Leslie: "Well... We've had some laughs. We've talked about power and how it is used. And Lois Lane's been annoyed, so hey, productive. But let's get far more basic in the time we have left. Lane?"
Lois: "You'd know all about basic, wouldn't you? But fine."
Leslie: "Superman, do you know Batman?"
Superman: "Can't say that I've ever met him, no. Though for an urban legend, he sure gets a lot of press."
Leslie: "Then again, I am speaking to a space alien on a global computer network. Some giant bat-human is not that weird in comparison."
Superman: "Weird is relative too."
Leslie: "Yeah. Still, at least for now, I guess I'm kind of happy you're the one with these powers. Compared to the guys who want to kill everyone at Disney over their Star Wars movies... Though I can't exactly blame them."
Lois: "Seriously?"
Leslie: "Oh... And here come the flame wars because I expressed an opinion. Gotta love the Internet."
Superman: "I guess I'll take that as a compliment?"
Leslie: "I guess so. Here are a few other questions from the comments, sorted out by our social media manager-Who is doing a kind of a so-so job right now. Ooh! This is a good one: 'Do you really have a base on the moon?'"
Superman: "Nope. It would be way too far away, and my commute is terrible as it is."
Leslie: "Next question: 'Superman, are you actually humanoid? Or are you a tiny alien riding around in a robot suit?'"
Lois: "Yeah, you need to fire your social media manager."
Superman: Takes Leslie's hand, and presses it against his face "Do I feel like a robot?"
Leslie: "... Eh, no. But you could be a very good robot." She tries to poke him in the eyes, but he blocks "Aww...!"
Lois: "Any others? This is like a train wreck: I can't look away."
Leslie: "This is the kind of hard hitting journalism you can't get anywhere else! But yeah: 'Do you have to eat a lot every day?'"
Superman: "I do eat slightly more than most humans, but I get most of my energy from the sun. Which is handy, since I don't have to chow down every second just to keep going. The Flash is a bit less lucky, since he has to eat a LOT of food every day to keep running."
Leslie: "I guess that's the kind of super science I'll get a headache trying to understand. Good luck to the guys who do! Next question: 'Can you shoot energy from your hands?'"
Superman: "Nope."
Leslie: "Well, that's one less thing in common with Goku-"
Superman: "They come from my eyes. Eyebeams. It's heat vision."
Leslie: "Oh. Okay, that's cool. Again, not sure how that works scientifically but hey. It keeps your hands free."
Superman: "And before you ask, yes: I am aware of all the fanart depicting me fighting Goku. Which doesn't make sense: We'd probably be friends."
Leslie: "I know right? He'd probably call you a nerd though."
Superman: "Who isn't compared to him?"
Leslie: "Yeah..."
Lois: "And yet again, I'm missing context."
Leslie: "You're a journalist, aren't you supposed to do some research?"
Lois: "I didn't think I'd be walking into a science fiction convention. I did know I'd be walking into a war zone with you around."
Leslie: laughs "Oh Lane. Why must you always engage me in these petty verbal fencing matches?"
Lois: sneer "Because I don't have a real sword handy."
Leslie: "..." Grins "Babylon 5!"
Lois: eyes widen "No..."
Leslie: "Oh my God! That was a Babylon 5 reference! You watched it!"
Lois: "No I didn't-!"
Leslie: "You know what that makes us?"
Lois: "Nooo..."
Leslie: "NERD SISTERS! Give me a hug!"
Lois: "No!"
Superman: chuckles "You're a Garibaldi fangirl, aren't you?"
Lois: "Et Tu, Brutus?"
Superman: shrugs "I was honestly more partial to Vir myself. Unassuming, quiet... but he made an impact and he stuck to his guns."
Leslie: "I have never found you hotter than right now."
Lois: "Which one of us?"
Leslie: smirk "Sadly, that's all the time we have for today-"
Superman: "Yes. I hear police sirens. Miss Willis, Miss Lane, thank you for a very interesting interview. It was actually a lot more fun than I thought it was, but-"
Leslie: "I know, I know: This looks like a job for Superman."
Superman: "Lois actually coined that meme. You can ask her all about it." He nods... And flies out the nearby window
Lois: "I didn't coin the meme! I just wrote it! It's a great line!"
Leslie: "And the world rewarded you by sticking it onto every stale joke image you can imagine."
Lois: "God I hate the Internet."
Leslie: "You're not the only one. Well! Since we're about to end, want to practice kissing for the camera before the Daily Planet goes under?"
Lois: "How about I shove that microphone right up your-!"
And the stream ends...
