Sparks Fly

A DC fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. Superman, Livewire, Batman and all other characters and worlds are the property of Warner Brothers and DC Comics. Please support the official release.


Leslie and Lois are sitting on Clark Kent's couch as the livestream begins. Leslie grins and waves, in her typical black tanktop, hoodie and jeans. Lois is in her usual purple jacket and white skirt, looking a bit bemused.

Leslie: "Hey guys! It's Livewire coming to do you with the one, the only Lois Lane! Say hello Lois!"

Lois: deadpan "Hello Lois."

Leslie: "Old joke, but expertly delivered! 8 out of 10!"

Lois: "8? Seriously?"

Leslie: "Blame the German in me. Anyway, it's taken a while to get Lois onto my new show! For similar reasons to me losing my old show: Insurance!"

Lois: "Yeah. I'm sorry the radio company fired you for insurance liabilities."

Leslie: "Yeah. My lawyer didn't really know how to approach things with it. Metahuman law is kind of all over the place! Makes my head hurt. Anyway! Enough of that crap. Let's get to the part we're all looking forward to!"

Lois: "You're not going to show the erotic fanart these creeps keep drawing of us, are you?"

Leslie: "No, that for the end of the stream! Eesh, so quick to rush to the climax! Take some time, Lois!"

Lois: "Given your boyfriend-"

Leslie: "Geez, down girl! You really want that threesome, don't you? Well Clark's not into exhibitionism but another woman might-"

Lois: "UGH! I'd say take a cold shower but you'd short out the block!"

Leslie: "Actually I can take showers. I just gotta be careful about it." She grins at the camera and winks "Makes getting clean fun, especially with a special someone-!"

Lois: "Do you have to brag about your boyfriend every five minutes?"

Leslie: "Aww... Poor Single Lois!" She pulls her into a hug and snuggles her "Mmm, it's okay, I'm here!"

Lois: "GAH! QUIT IT! We're going to get more fanart of us!"

Leslie: "And... That's a bad thing?"

Lois: "... God I hate you so much."

Leslie: "You said that in college too, and yet, here we are!"

Lois: "My taste in friends is only slightly worse than your taste in everything else."

Leslie lets Lois go. Lois huffs, but she's obviously trying not to smile.

Leslie: "Anyhoo! This is more of a question and answer stream! Nothing as organized as the last one, but it'll still be fun!"

Lois: "So, did you pick them?"

Leslie: "Me? Well some of them. My social media manager picked others, and they're all in random order! All to make it more fun!"

Lois: "Do I get any say in this?"

Leslie: "Nope!"

Lois: "Yeah I figured."

Leslie: "Anyway, let's begin! First question: Have you trying holding different lightbubs in you hands, and getting them to flash in order?"

Leslie proceeds to stuff two lightbulbs up her nostrils, one in her mouth, and hold four in each hand. She has them flash in sequence.

Lois: "You know, I envy your ability to have fun in the most mundane ways."

Leslie: "Wanna stick one between my boobs?"

Lois: "... You know what? Sure."

A bit later...

Leslie: "Okay, next question! My electric bill is high this month, do you mind coming over and powering my house?"

Lois and Leslie both look unimpressed.

Leslie: "I do mind. Besides, I still struggle with getting the voltage and amperage right."

Lois: "How many cellphones have you gone through?"

Leslie: "Not as many toasters, geez."

Lois: "You know, you still eat like you're in college. Pop Tarts? Cup Ramen?"

Leslie: "Hey, it all goes to the right places!"

Lois: "Lucky you... What are the next questions?

Leslie: "Three this time! Are either of you free next Saturday? Would either of you be willing to pass on advice to an aspiring young podcaster just starting out? And any opinions on Mr. Cobblepot's attempts to go legit since his release from Arkham?"

Leslie shakes her head. Lois rolls her eyes.

Leslie: "Please, happily taken!"

Lois: "Not interested. Geez, why did you include that one?"

Leslie: "Probably a joke. Geez Karla, thanks a lot."

Lois: "Oh please, you did it so you'd get to brag some more."

Leslie: Giddy smile "It's so hard not to. Anyway, advice for a podcaster? Practice, practice, practice. If you want to make it a job, treat it like a job. Rehearse, learn, and make sure your subjects are interesting. Make sure it's about something you're passionate enough about to work hard for!"

Lois: "Sensible enough... For you."

Leslie: "Hmph. Anyway, next question's yours."

Lois: "Cobblepot? Gotham Gangsters aren't really my area of expertise. He always did straddle that line between costumed rogue and mobster, and it's hard to see him going straight."

Leslie: "I interviewed him once."

Lois: "Geez, what was that like?"

Leslie: "Eh. Guy has a inferiority complex about the size of the moon. His family was big in the old days of Gotham and he's obsessed with reclaiming his upper class glory. As long as he's uppercrust, he's happy. But how he'll do that? Eh, that'll be interesting."

Lois: "Still, the Iceberg Lounge looks pretty swank. Might be nice for a visit."

Leslie: "Gonna be chilly though."

Lois: "I'm sure you'll be fine showing off your headlights."

Leslie: "Hmmm..." She reaches over and gropes Lois

Lois: "WHAT THE HELL?!"

Leslie: "You've gone up a cup size! Took my diet and exercise advice, huh?"

Lois: "No I-GOD! Are you just feeding the shippers now?!"

Leslie: "Please, you're always providing a feast for them."

Lois: "And the next question?

Leslie: "Ooh! This one's interesting! So, you can tell us the secret you both know, right? The true identity of Superman? How long have you known he was actually... Bruce Wayne?"

Lois: "Bruce Wayne? I mean... I guess he could be? Doesn't seem right somehow."

Leslie: "What, Bruce Wayne? The guy who adopts orphans like it's going out of style?"

Lois: "He does have a thing for tragic cases. Probably due to his own past. But Superman? Nah."

Leslie: "Yeah, if he was Superman he'd be a ditz."

Lois: "Turn all the coal into diamonds to try and make everyone rich."

Leslie: laughs "Or bring down an asteroid made of platinum for everyone's electric cars."

Lois: "... You've been listening to the Joker again haven't you?"

Leslie: "It wasn't that bad!"

Lois: "It seriously was. Come on, let's keep going."

Leslie: "Let's see. This is a much more serious one for you: Do you think newspaper is a dying medium and that journalists will have to change in order to keep up?"

Lois: "I'll be honest. It's been dying for a while. Media megacorporations act in their own self interest instead of the news. Or whoever will keep them alive until their retirement-Then they don't have to care anymore. They'll do whatever it takes to cozy up to whoever will pay their pensions or flatter them. No matter how corrupt. Even dictatorships."

Leslie: "And the Daily Planet?"

Lois: chuckles "They gave me my break, but what's kept me there is the fact we offer what people want: The news. A lot of 'reporters' just want to be celebrities, to dictate to people instead of inform them. To become pets to whoever will pay for them. Perry White is one of a dying breed: A newsman who cares about delivering the news. Doesn't matter the political party, doesn't matter the wealth or what they say: He wants us to find out the truth. It's probably why the Daily Planet's kept from being acquired by one of the giant media companies: Sheer stubbornness to do the right thing. But I think the internet will let us survive. Plenty of people want the actual news, not just some agenda wrapped up in soundbites."

Leslie: "Didn't you win a Pulitzer?"

Lois: "Eh. It was only because the story was big enough even they couldn't ignore it: A Lexcorp scandal that led to Corto Maltese's goverment falling? Even the would-be aristocrats of media couldn't bury that. I could actually see the chairman gritting his teeth as he handed it to me!"

Leslie: "That guy-Big Lexcorp fan I take it?"

Lois: laughs "Went to every one of Luthor's overpriced galas. Honestly, if you want to be actual reporter? You had better be scared for your life and reputation. That's the cost of doing real news. If you want to be somebody's lap dog? Just cozy up to the powerful and spout whatever they want. If you want to be an actual journalist? You need to have guts, and not just Tweet about how 'brave' you are."

Leslie: "You know, that was almost inspirational. I'd have cursed a lot more though."

Lois: "You're not a journalist! You just troll the rich and powerful!"

Leslie: "Like you don't enjoy making Luthor's blood pressure go up?"

Lois: "Yes, but that's beside the point!"

Leslie: "But, hang on: Didn't you date Luthor?"

Lois: shrugs "Just because his company does shady things doesn't mean he himself is some heartless monster. And, funny enough, he actually liked how I'd bust his chops and not just try to cozy up to him."

Leslie: "So, what, he wants a domme?"

Lois: "No. He just wanted an equal. And I can respect that, to a point. The rest of the baggage he brought with him though, oi. The man's ego is so huge even Superman couldn't lift it."

Leslie: "By the way Lex, if you're watching? Sorry, no Superman on this time! You'll have to get your giant robot ready for another day."

As Clark gets some coffee in the background...

Lois: "It's not always giant robots with him."

Leslie: "Yeah but those have been the most fun to watch."

Lois: "Freaking weeaboo."

Leslie: "And proud of it! Anyway, next question: Gotta know Leslie,, how did you decide to become a shock jock? Louise, journalism?"

Lois: annoyed "It's Lois."

Leslie: shrug "I grew up raised by a man who was a US Navy Sailor and a Teamster. So I like ranting about shit and mocking dumbasses. Also, unlike those whores on Twitch, I actually like playing video games and knowing nerd stuff."

Lois: "I just liked the idea of going all over the world and writing about what I'd seen... Mocking stupid people was just a bonus."

Leslie: "Yeah, but what a bonus! Anyway, we've had Q & A! Now, let's have some discussion! Lois-"

Lois: "Not talking about Superman."

Leslie: "I didn't mention him."

Lois: "You didn't have to."

Leslie: "Spoilsport. Anyway, I have my own superman now!"

Clark enters the shot, and hands coffee to both Leslie and Lois. He's in shorts and a white T-shirt. Lois accepts hers fairly gracefully, but Leslie just pulls Clark into a kiss.

Leslie: "Mwah! Thanks sweetie!"

Clark: "You're welcome."

Lois: "Not getting in on this, Smallville?"

Clark: smiles "I'm not about to scoop you on this."

Leslie: "Gotta keep work and play separate, sweetie."

Clark heads to his office, as Leslie unabashedly ogles him. Lois fumes.

Lois: "Anyway... You were saying...?"

Leslie: "Hmm? Oh right! Discussion: Supervillain Culture. Organized crime and the black market have probably always existed. Unless you're an idiot, or a Rousseuean-"

Lois: "Same difference-"

Leslie: "-but now that metahumans and costumed heroes and villains are on the rise, we're seeing a whole new subculture develop! And like any subculture, there's the incredible, the terrible, and the what the fuck. Guess which we're looking at today?!"

Lois: "I can hardly wait."

Leslie: "First up is a show that's blowing up the Internet: This Old Hideout! Hosted by Jenna Duffy, aka The Carpenter!"

Lois: "Let me guess, she's from Gotham?"

Leslie: "Got it in one!"

The stream shifts to an image of an attractive dirty blonde woman, built strong with curves, in cut off overalls and workgloves. She is in an old, decrepit warehouse. She kneels down, yanks up an old floorboard with a crowbar... Then points to a circular device underneath.

Carpenter: "Yeah, landmines. This is a real old school villain defense: Basically ancient. According to police records, this hideout used to belong to Karl Hellfern, better known as Doctor Death. He was one of the first costumed supervillains and operated through the 1930s to the 1940s. Which fits: This is an American M5 anti-tank blast mine. There was a big surplus of them after World War II, and plenty of supervillains used them as defenses. So in addition to planing these old floorboards, we're gonna have to defuse and remove all the mines."

She sighs, and shakes her head.

Carpenter: "I mean, modern hideout defenses have gotten a lot more sophisticated! Landmines went out of style ages ago. Automated turrets are also a lot cheaper and work longer."

A dark haired woman in a black dress and sunglasses pops into frame and gives a thumbs up.

Magpie: "And the right model can give your hideout a classic neo-modernist look that your guests, your hostages, or your adversary will appreciate!"

Carpenter: "We are redoing this hideout for Two-Face, you know. I'm not sure he goes for neo-modernist."

Magpie: "Half of him might!"

The stream cuts back to Lois and Leslie. Leslie is grinning, while Lois is staring in disbelief.

Lois: "... HGTV turned this down?"

Leslie: "It's pretty criminal isn't it?"

Lois: "I'm not calling you out on that pun. It was awful."

Leslie: "Why don't you ever want to get into a pun war?"

Lois: "Because it's a strange game, and the only winning move is not to play."

Leslie: "Nerrrrrrd!"

Lois: "Please! I just heard that through cultural osmosis! I didn't watch the movie!"

Leslie: "Which movie?"

Lois: "Wargaaaames I think it was called?"

Leslie: Big grin "You nearly recovered."

The stream ends...


Hope you liked this bit of fun.