I do not own Transformers or any other name brand mentioned. No money will come of this fic. Please don't sue.

I do not own Jessica...her oc was described by TakoSuKiti so I guess we sort of share her...at least in the form of fictional writing.

Thanks goes to; Jazzilynn Hall ,BIackrose13, dralexbanner, dreamaholicme and Jedi Guardian Aimable For following this fic!

Thanks goes to; Jazzilynn Hall ,SmomoChan , skyfreedon and dreamaholicme For adding this story to their list of favorites!

Major thanks to; Mywinx14 and ashley0921 for Following me! I appreciate it!

Major thanks to; Mywinx14 andDon't judge me I'm a Fangirl for adding me to their list of Favorite authors! I appreciate it!

dreamaholicme: Thank you Thank you! I'm glad that you liked the chapter and I hope that you like this chapter! The prank was fun because I got to learn about Australian urban legends. I have some gifts for you to read about in the authors note so stay tuned!

And of course, Thanks goes to TakoSuKiti for asking me to write this fic. I hope its enjoyed.


"Text": Means internal thoughts.

"Text": Dialog spoken out loud.

{"Text":} Phone call/com. link communication (specified)


Ironhide's pov

It has been over an orn since the human femme fell from the sky. She is up to something. She has been talking to all of the bots and can often be found laughing with Arcee, Jazz, Flareup and Bumblebee when he, Sam, and Mikaela were on base. They might find her harmless, they might trust her, but I don't. Humans are supposed to have some form of moral code. Hers dictates that she not give up valuable intel that can save my comrades. Ones that I care for very much. I may be an older mech (I'm not ancient for Primus sakes!) but that doesn't mean that I don't still care for the younglings I work with. Ughh. Speaking of said younglings, the pit-spawn's twin as well as Mirage and Wheeljack are set to arrive in 48 hours. Oh joy. Not that I don't like those mechs, I'm just less than thrilled that the twin terrors are going to be reunited. They do magnificent things on the battle field together but off the field they are the greatest pains in the aft that only Unicron could have created and be proud of.

What's worse is that I know for certain that the two are not going to rest until they Prank myself, the Hatchet and or Prime. That's not forgetting the revenge for the Major's prank on that disturbed holiday that the strange femme insisted we celebrate. Speaking of the strange femme, she seems to enjoy following me and scribbling something down each time I move. I don't startle easily, but she is getting on my last sensory array. What the pit could she possibly be doing that she needs to follow me without speaking to me but that includes writing? Do I even need to say that I'm suspicious? She's been following me since the end of my training session this morning. She even sat in on my energon break a joor ago.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Nope."

"Why have you been following me?"

"Because I wanted to draw you."

"You what?" I involuntarily snarled. What a strange human! She just followed me to draw me?! Who the frag does that? "I don't know if I have access to my Deviant Art account, and even if I did, I wouldn't post it since I don't know which dimension it would go to, but I really wanted to catch your essence." She said as she turned her device around. Its…actually… not that bad. It's pretty accurate. Though my olfactory plates aren't that large. "Can I ask you that question now?"

She asked timidly. Now why would she be so shy now? She fragging can talk the audios off of Jazz and some of the others, yet around me she shrinks into a fragging ball. Ah what the pit? Maybe she'll leave me alone if I entertain her question.

"What is it?"

"Do you wanna get the twins before they get you?"

"What?" I asked turning more towards her and kneeling down. "Do you wanna prank them first, so that they can't prank you first. You know give them a scare?" She said looking at her feet before looking back up at me with the strangest blue optics I've seen on a human. She has these gold flecks in her iris scattered around her pupils. It's strange, yet intriguing. "I don't think that Optimus would approve. And I don't have time for their petulant games."

I said to her making her shoulders droop. "Oh. I guess you're right. But you should know that I saw Sideswipe with a few gallons of paint. I don't know what it's for and I already told the others but, still." She said with a shrug as she turned to leave. Ughh, knowing that little pit spawn he's planning to repaint someone or something some obnoxious color, probable pink, or red, or yellow. Those twins sometimes like to mock people by using their own colors in their pranks. And it would be nice to get them back for what they did in Iacon a few vorns ago. Hmmm. "Wait. What exactly did you have in mind?" I asked her. She had made it halfway up the hall when I called out to her, and even from half a hall away I could see her devious smirk. Maybe there is something to like about this femme.

Jess's pov

48 hours later.

I love Hide's sense of humor. It's one of the reasons why I like him. I honestly just wanted to see him laugh, just a little. And frankly I didn't think that he'd get so into the prank. I definitely didn't think that he'd get Ratchet in on the Prank either, but hey why not?

Right now we're watching the bots come to earth, which is literally as awe inspiring as it was in the movies. It's actually funny because Jazz saw the scene from the movie where they landed and he must have downloaded the music because he's playing it.

"Jazz, what is the purpose of playing that right now?" Optimus asked while giving him the most perplexed of looks. "It's our entry music! Pretty sweet huh?" He said while moving to the music. Optimus simply blinked before shaking his head and turning his gaze back to the falling meteors. They were coming closer to us than I thought they would. "Autobots fall back!" Optimus shouted as he and some of the other bots began to run backwards. I felt someone pick me up before I started moving backwards really really fast. I mean I nearly got whiplash when I stopped moving, and I know whiplash. Not fun let me tell you.

"Are you functional femme?" Ironhide asked me as he set me down. "I, yeah just didn't expect you to- OI BLOODY HELL!" I shouted as a flaming rock landed no farther than five feet from me. The bots snickered lightly as I huffed at them. I've had enough near death experiences for one lifetime thank you very much! "Not fucking funny! I nearly die and you all find it hilarious!"

I snarled in annoyance at them as one of the bots' comet forms began to uncurl. "It was just a hologram fleshy." Sideswipe snickered. Funny real funny. "We'll see who's laughing by weeks' end." I thought as the mechs crawled out of their holes. Do I honestly need to explain what I saw? I saw three thin spindly creatures stand up and begin speaking in clicks and whirs that the bots reciprocated. I love their native language. It's so cool, and it sounds really nice. Why do I feel like something is trying to set me on fire with its eyes? "So you're the fleshy that refuses to help us." One spindly creature asked as he stared down at me in a menacing way. Now, little known fact about me. I am very very very shy. Now you probably wouldn't get that by the way I've been acting. But in my defense I've been around people that I kinda knew. That doesn't mean that I haven't been cautious. I spend a lot of my day either by myself or with bots that I know really really well, like Arcee and Flareup. So for this unknown mech to just stare at me like this, yeah it makes me a little uncomfortable.

"I'm not, not helping you. I just don't want to fuck up the entire future and existence of you guys."

"Or lack thereof." Someone muttered behind me. Probably the Chevy Twins. "Cass and I told you what you need to know. Whether you believe us or not is your decision. One I hope you use to believe us." I said turning back to the group at large. Who were looking down at me with skeptical looks. I find it hilarious how Optimus said in the first movie that humans were a young race, and that we have much to learn, when some of the bots under his command exhibit the same traits that made him say those words about humans in the first place. Then again, some of the bots here are like their equivalent of teenagers so…meh?

"At any rate we should get back to base." Prime said as he transformed into his alt. mode. Watching them do that never gets old. I think it's just the sheer insanity of it all. Theoretically something like that shouldn't happen, but thanks to Bay, and a convenient lecture from Ratchet, I now know that the physics hold up. But that's not important. What is important is pulling the prank. Since it'll be super-duper late when we get back we'll have to do the prank first thing in the morning.

The good news is that I now have memorized the map of the base. This is because Ironhide thought that it was necessary for the prank to be pulled off perfectly. Perfect or no, I can find my room with no trouble, and I was surprised to see Will, Epps, Graham, and Jazz standing at my door. "What are the lot of you doing here?"

"Jus' came to warn ya."

"Bout what? I'm fucking tired guys!"

"We know. But we also know that the twins plan to nail you as one of their targets." Epps said trying to contain his smile. "Well, which set? Both are fragging annoying by my books and it isn't wise to mess with me." I said amidst my yawn. I really should get more sleep. "Oh how do you figure? Sideswipe was bad enough. And with his twin here I have the looming suspicion that things'll only get worse." Will added as I rolled my eyes. "I knew they'd try something. Alright. Spill your guts all of you." I said as I crossed my arms. What they told me was that the two were snickering as they crept around through warehouses carrying gallon buckets of only God knows what. And fishing line. "Seriously? Well if they're anything like I've read, I'll be fine. But just as a precaution… if they get caught Jazz you have to confiscate what they gathered right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"If you give me their stash when you confiscate it, I'll owe you a favor."

"Fair nough."

He said with a nod of his helm. "Good. And as an extra precaution…you guys wanna help me tomorrow?" I asked, with what I'm sure is probably my most sinister smile. To my surprise Graham walked forward with a truly evil glint in his eyes. "How can I and my comrades be of assistance?" He said while mischievously wringing his hands. This is gonna be so good.

That night when I fell asleep, Primus checked in on me to see how things were going and I explained what I had been up to. He thinks that I'm doing good and is certain that I'm doing the best that I can but at the same time, I'm not too sure. I'd like to have some guidance in this, and all he told me is that I need to have fun, and that no other information can be stolen from my computer or phone unless I allow the bots to see it. I know he and the Primes are supposed to be cryptic but this is taking it a bit too far. Having said that a month ago I thought that none of this shit was real so there you go.

Waking up the next morning found me dawning some running shoes and some workout clothes before heading to the cafeteria for breakfast. The soldiers hardly ever stare anymore, but sometimes I still catch a few strange glances. About halfway through my meal Graham, Will, Epps, and a handful of other soldiers walked over looking like they were going to go running into battle at any second, military gear and all. I have seen the movies, and read the fanfictions. These guys look badass. And I mean I wish I had an outfit of my own to match, but more my style kind of badass. "Ready to roll?" Epps asked with a devious grin. "Sure. I have my tunes and the right attire. Where are they and where is Hide?"

"By the Medbay picking up the prank. Ironhide is in the main hanger. You sure you can do this kid?" Will asked me with his signature smirk. "Please. I have this." I said as I finished my breakfast and began stretching. Once I was through I left the cafeteria at a slow jog, listening to some Fall Out Boy. Its good stuff. After a few songs I found my targets. I turned off my music and then did the unthinkable. I ran smack dab into Sunstreaker's legs smearing my sweat and saliva as I went. I was drooling over the scent of the cases of open vegemite that he and his twin were carrying.

"HEY! UGHHH! YOU RUINED MY GLOSSY FINISH!" He snarled dangerously as he took a step towards me. I took my earbud out and scowled at him. "FUCKING BITCH! That hurt! Hey! I'm running here! Why don't you watch where you're going?" I snarled back noticing the trip wire the soldiers had strewn behind them. "You fragging watch it fleshy! I don't care if you're new here or not. Nobody touches my paint with their greasy oily servos. Ever." He growled back as Sideswipe held him back. Feeling an itch in my nose, I sneezed making the two gasp in disgust while taking a few steps back and towards our trap. A few feet more…

"You're disgusting! Get away from us!" He growled. I couldn't help the eyebrow as it rose to meet my crimson red hairline. He sounds more like Tracks than Sunstreaker, meh but they're both moody and prissy bots who love their paint jobs more than almost anything. Of course he wouldn't want it to get covered in my slimy germy mucus spray. With a smirk, I jumped about four feet forward yelling "OOGGIE OOGGIE OOGGIE!" as I waved my arms in front of me. I bet no one has ever seen two seventeen-foot-tall robots jump five feet into the air screaming like little girls about their appearance. I have and it was brilliant. Especially since they had a three-foot arc, making them trip over the re-enforced steel cable when the landed sending them backwards with the crates of open vegemite jars. It was a mess. It was a huge brown, yellow and red mess, and it smelled delicious. To add insult to their literal injury, I walked over to Sunny, licked my finger, took a swipe of the vegemite covering his…well everything and then liked my finger clean. I then gave him a wet willy and ran. Do I have a death wish? Obviously not, but I needed the two to chase me in a murderous rage for this prank to work. And chase me they did. I bet I'm one of three humans alive that can outrun a murderous bot on skates who wasn't trained by the military to do so. "GET FRAGGING BACK HERE YOU FILTHY FLESHBAG!" Sunstreaker roared as he grabbed for me. Sideswipe was right beside him snarling, before he took a detour through a room. Awe shit. I didn't prepare for them to split up! "C'MERE SQUISHY!"

"AWE FUCK! BITCH! NONONONO! NOT TODAY!" I yelled at Sideswipe as I slid through his legs when he tried to intercept me from the room he popped out of. I barely had enough time to get up and run, they hadn't smashed into each other like I hoped they would. Now I was sprinting for the main hanger with two snarling growling, homicidal bots hot on my heels. I pray that they're ready or so help me-! "AHHHHHHHHHHH! PUT ME DOWN YOU OVERGROWN ASSHOLE!"

"Ughh! She's leaking saline all over my servo! Take her Sides!"

Sunstreaker growled. "With pleasure. You're gonna pay for what you did shorty!" Sideswipe said with the cruelest glimmers of mischief in his optics. I didn't help that Sunstreaker pulled out what looked like an unholy version of a bubble gum ball and stuck it in his mouth and began to chew. I didn't even know they could have gum let alone chew it. "You make us sticky and gross? You have the audacity to get your fluids on us, on purpose? We do the same to you." Sideswipe said with his signature mischievous grin, one that I'm sure makes plenty of S.S Transfans swoon. Me on the other hand…I'm about to be stuck to the ceiling with already been chewed Cybertronian bubble gum, probably by my head. Just as Sunny had finished chewing and was taking the purple-gray wad out of his mouth, I was saved. The soldiers attacked, and somewhere along those attacks, Ironhide liberated me from Sideswipe and put me on his shoulder. THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!

"That, gentlemen is how you successfully take down a hostile, or in this case, a friendly with the aid of an Autobot." Will said with a grin as he looked back to the two twins who were being secured under their cargo net by other soldiers with ropes and cables. "The execution needs work. As you all undoubtedly saw, the hostiles had a hostage with them and it is important to try and get the hostage returned to you with no damage to them being caused. Tomorrow we will cover such tactics in training." He said in a very stern, commanding, and yet slightly gentle tone. Now when I say gentle I mean in a wise teacher passing on common knowledge to a troublemaking student kind of gentle. Nothing about Ironhide is the typical type of gentle.

Ironhide's Pov

I had a feeling that she wouldn't make it all the way to the main hanger, but I must say that I'm surprised that she got so close. Forty-five feet from the door is impressive for her species, especially given who was chasing her. Just as planned we took the two down, and Jazz had the hall surveillance tape copied and saved for our own personal gain later before he erased it from the main databanks so that Prime and any others couldn't see what she did to the pit spawns. But judging by Jazz's barely contained laughter, it must have been something good. Prime was in his office up the hall when he heard what we were doing and now he's looking at all of us for an answer. Of course it was our word against the twins, and of course he believed us since its common knowledge that the first thing that the twins do whenever they're bored, or when someone new arrives, or when they get to a new base is pull a prank. Usually an elaborate one. So I got to personally put them in our new Brig facilities. Prime's punishment was what I was hoping it would be; helping me further instruct the soldiers on how to work with us and take down the Decepticons. Going into this alliance, I didn't think that the humans were very capable, but after witnessing a few battels, and after seeing how hard they worked, I dropped the stigma. With perfect reasoning because Will's team executed the take down of Decepticons near flawlessly. A few things can be changed, but in the end, there isn't a better team than the one I just witnessed. I just have to get the other soldiers there.

My job is simple, but because the humans have problems with identifying weak points on our frames, Ratchet and I must go into detail on where to shoot a bot in order to take them down. Major Lennox and I then teach them how to shoot the correct spot. Our targets today; Pit spawn's numbers 1 and 2. Jessica told me about a story she once read where I suggested the brig be cordoned off with caution tape, while the soldiers use paintball guns to torment the two. Frankly I don't know why I hadn't thought of a punishment like this one sooner. However, only some soldiers got paintball guns, others got Potato launchers, and other modified weapons to use in the interest of learning "To work with what you have". Ratchet designed and built the force fields a couple of vorns ago. They let things in, but not out. So the twins would be heckled without remorse without being able to get away and without being able to hurt anyone. I explained this to Jessica on the way back to her quarters, and that Jazz would have a copy of the shooting class film later for her to retrieve. With a smile and a thank you she left me in the hall. There's something about that smile that I like, but I can't put my digit on it. Its strangely soothing.

Third person's pov

Ironhide shook off the strange feeling as he walked to the designated "brig" two force fields facing a large crowd of soldiers all armed with various "weapons". The twins were glaring at him as he walked up, loathing the slag eating smirk on his face and vowing angrily that they'd get him back for what he was going to do, and by extension allow others to do. Will grinned as he hefted a super soaker filled with sour milk. "Shame that the water was cut off to the washracks for maintenance this week and half of next week." He said as he pretended to wince. He still held a grudge against Sideswipe for setting off a paint grenade in the middle of his briefing with the new recruits and with General Morshower a few months ago. "I'd hate to be them. It'll be a long while until they see a drop of soap or water." Epps snickered as he prepared his tomato launcher, eyeing the large basket of rotten fruit. Sideswipe had hacked his computer and took over in the middle of an important briefing, showing the higher up's pictures Sideswipe had taken of him, in compromising situations, sleeping (off the job) Him trying to open a door wearing only the upper half of his uniform and his Eeyore boxers that his daughters sent him as a gift (he'll never wear them out in public again after Sideswipe had pantsed him at lunch in the cafeteria) and the cringe worthy video of him singing during karaoke night. "Shouldn't have annoyed us 'squishies' with the insults and pranks. Two days in the brig, three training sessions a day. All of them target practice." Graham said with a soft chuckle as he loaded a decomposing spud into his launcher. Sideswipe had duct taped him to the ceiling in the rec room in nothing but his boxers on his first full day at N.E.S.T. And refused to get him down until he said that he was a squishy and that 'Sideswipe is the most gorgeous bot he'd ever seen'. "Final last words before we begin our lesson?" Ironhide asked smirking as he loaded his blaster with the paint dissolving rounds that Ratchet had made for the occasion. "You are so fragged when we get out of here." Sideswipe snarled. "You're gonna wish you were never onlined. None of you will. Payback- "

"IS A BITCH!" the soldiers shouted in unison as they aimed their weapons. Ironhide allowed each group five shots per member per round, critiquing their shots as Ratchet stood nearby explaining which areas were better to hit for maximum damage, explaining that those areas were the chest, back, the neck cables and the face. The twins silently swore over their bond as they tried to dodge the projectiles that payback would come, and it wouldn't be pretty. Nobody got away with defiling the terror twins, but even Prime had to admit that their punishment was fitting, and helpful to the soldiers learning. By the end of the day, the two sat stewing in their filth induced rage trying to plot their revenge.


A/N: I am alive! College is over, and I can write freely now with only work to stop me! I have the first of two gifts posted; Hobo is a brand new story and is ready to be read if you are interested! The second gift is a bonus chapter to any story of mine that you choose, the poll is on my profile page now and I plan to take it down soon so please vote! You get two votes so make them count!

Said bonus chapter will be posted to the winning story before any other chapters for other stories are posted.

I hope you all are well and that school is wrapping up nicely for those who attend or work at one. I need a mess based prank for the next chapter so if you have any ideas let me know, I will give you credit if I use them. Sorry if this chapter seems dull, I'm trying to get more Ironhide into the story and there wasn't much to write about since it was a bit of a transition chapter.

The prank in this chapter was found at the end of the story; Arrival by SeekerFreefall. Please read the story because it was hilarious!

Please follow favorite and review so that I know how I am doing!

CLYL!