This is a new take at an old story I'd wrote when I was about fourteen. Over the holiday break, I figured I'd give it a shot and try re-write it.
Thanks for reading!
"Chief Medical Officer's log. Stardate 47523.11, earlier today we reached the outlying planet Selia, where a colony of about two thousand federation members were residing for a fresh start. We received a distress signal early this morning around 0400 hours from the planet, saying that they were being attacked by Romulans. We arrived at 1100 hours to find hardly anything left, and most people deceased. So far, me and the others in sickbay have reported…..``
The doctor paused for a moment. Closing her eyes she took a deep breath and kept going
"1200 dead, 56 in critical condition, and 77 in stable condition. 700 are still missing…. I will update with any new developments.
Crusher out."
Doctor Crusher ran her hands through her hair and closed her eyes. She opened them to find fresh tears again. Ever since she had been woken up to the alert of the distress call this morning, her emotions had been on a rollercoaster. Taking a deep breath, the doctor wiped her tears and grabbed her tricorder. Starting in the main room, she walked yet another circle around sickbay.
"Dr. Crusher?" an ensign called as Dr. Crusher jumped and turned around "are you alright, sir? This is the tenth round you've made in the last hour around sickbay"
"I'm fine Alexi, thank you for the concern. I'm just looking for someone who lived in the colony… I haven't seen them."
"Well, maybe I can help you find them. What's a good description of them?"
Crusher bit her lip and looked at the ground. 'You idiot, you don't even know what your own daughter looks like.' Sighing she looked back up at the ensign who was silently waiting on a reply.
"I'm not completely sure, but I believe she would have chestnut-colored hair, blue eyes, and a birthmark on her inner ankle. She would be around four years old."
"Doctor Crusher, a girl was brought in who fits that description about two hours ago" The ensign said as the doctor's eyes lit up.
"Can you take her to me?" she asked. While her tone had remained calm, she had shifted her body- ready to get to the end of this mystery.
"Of course doctor, just follow me to the morgue." He said turning around and walking off, expecting her superior to follow. She stopped in her tracks with her eyes wide. While she had let the possibility that the girl might be dead slip into her mind, she had mostly ignored it. Beverly was now realizing with an increased panic that it was becoming a reality. She took a deep breath and followed her ensign.
—-
Beverly covered the body with the white blanket and pushed it back in its dwar. A simple look over had told her this wasn't her daughter- the facial structure was different than what she remembered. A few seconds later, a tricorder scan confirmed it. As the ensign walked back to sickbay, Beverly excused herself and walked to someone she knew she could talk to, the only one she could talk to. Getting in the turbolift she began to squeeze her hands, wondering how she could explain this. 'If she dies, no one would know. You can grieve silently and it'll go back to normal eventually.' As soon as the thought appeared though it went away, she couldn't just forget her. It wouldn't work, she'd tried it with Jack in the past- and while it temporarily provided some relief, it built up to emotions she couldn't control…. Emotions that made it feel like he'd just died again.
Walking out of the turbolift, she walked down the hall and sighed at the door. Ringing the door chime, she heard 'come in'. With a simple swipe, the door opened to reveal Deanna sitting in a chair.
"Beverly? What're you doing here?" Deanna asked with a smile. As Beverly walked in though, Deanna's smile dropped. "Beverly, what's wrong?"
Beverly stood there, forcing a weak smile "nothing's wrong" she said at almost a whisper, her eyes began to fill with tears. Deanna walked over and guided her to the extra chair, concern on her face.
"Beverly, you know I can sense your emotions. Now, what's wrong?" She asked again, this time a little slower.
"Deanna" the doctor cried and tears began to go down her face "I think my daughter died in the attack on Selia this morning, and I think… no, I know it's my fault." she finished breaking into a soft sob.
Deanna sat there shocked. This was the last thing she'd expected from her best friend.
"Beverly, you said daughter… are you sure you didn't mean Wesley? Wesley should be in school at the moment, unless he went down to Selia without notifying anyone."
"No Deanna, I said 'my daughter'. You can't tell anyone, please promise me you won't tell anyone." she begged as Deanna nodded her head.
"You have my word" the counselor promised, grabbing Beverly's hand. " I'm just…. I'm quite confused. So please, tell me everything. Please. How old is she? Why was she on Selia, all of it…"
"Well, she will…she would have been four in about two Earth months. I had about three months with her before giving her up for adoption. I kept track of her through medical records… I know it was against protocol, but I was curious. In a way karma came back to me, if I had let her go, fully go, I wouldn't have known she was on that damn planet."
"While it's wrong, I understand why you did it Beverly…. But you've left quite a few unanswered questions… Mainly, I don't remember you ever being pregnant. Also, while it's none of my business, Jack has been gone for over ten years now…" the silence hung in the air as Deanna shifted in her seat "if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. I just-"
"No, I came here to get this off my chest. To finally tell someone….even my grandmother doesn't know." Beverly confessed leaning closer to Deanna. "It all started during my first year here on the Enterprise. Do you remember when that terrible virus infected the ship? The one that made everyone's emotions and desires crazy?"
Deanna nodded as Beverly continued
"Well, I was also infected. Like many others during the initial infection, I acted on these… desires. If I'm being honest with you Deanna, I had sex. The problem was I don't exactly remember who, nor do I remember when. I remember after the initial effects had cleared that I had engaged in some activity." She explained, embarrassed. "Four months later, I was doing research under my new position back on Earth when I started to question some symptoms I'd been having. It seems that nausea, headaches, and weight gain could all be linked. A simple tricorder scan confirmed my suspicions. About five months later, an old-style Earth doctor delivered her. I spent the next three months with her before giving her up. I almost immediately regretted it, but at the time I felt I had dug myself in a hole and couldn't get out. I was afraid that I would be shamed for what I had done, so I kept her a secret. Other than talk, I thought it would be messy considering I didn't know her father. What if it was an ensign, or someone I didn't know? By the time she was born I started to realize that I should've just taken the initial fall. By then too many questions would be asked, and people would have started doing research…" Beverly said as gentle tears fell. "I was so stupid!"
Deanna grabbed her hand in hers, giving it a supportive squeeze. "You are not stupid Beverly, you simply thought you were doing what was best. You only had yourself to think it over with… that can be overwhelming for anyone."
"But if I had taken the initial plunge, this would have never happened. I could have told you all, told my grandmother, Wesley… hell, I could've told the father. Which might I add, I never found out who he was either. I simply ignored it, I hoped the problem would just go away! Now, I'm almost positive I have a dead child and I never even got to see her grow. I feel so guilty Deanna, and I don't know what to do." Beverly cried out. Deanna was beyond shocked to say the least. She could sense the pain on the ship today when the crew had received the distress call, but she figured it had been an over-looming sadness from the crew at the tragedy. Now she was realizing most of it was from her best friend.
"Beverly, feeling guilty won't help you now. It won't help your daughter now. If you decide to say something or add her to the report, just explain yourself the same you explained to me. I don't think, as both your counselor and friend, that it's good to simply push her memory away. I think it'll make it much worse."
"What will people think of me though?! What if they try to take my position, my reputation?"
"Beverly" the counselor started, trying to calm her friend down "they'll think you're a grieving mother".
Beverly wiped her eyes and stared at her feet. Suddenly, her comm-badge interrupted.
'Sickbay to Dr. Crusher, please report immediately.'
The two women looked at each other before Beverly stood with a sigh.
"Thank you Deanna" Beverly said, getting up and offering a hug. Saying goodbye, Dr. Crusher walked out the door and into the hallway. Getting on the turbolift, she had no idea what was waiting for her in sickbay..
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Thanks for your time!
