4.04 | Hibiki

Hibiki Tachibana tries to be positive, tries to resolve problems peacefully, and tries to be helpful to her friends and family. She also tries not to think about her personality… flaws.

That's why she doesn't stop to think before she yells.

She's relieved, of course she is. How could she not be? But she can't ignore the fact that Carol dragged Elfnein, Tsubasa, and Maria into this mess. Tsubasa and Maria have been saddled with fresh grief, their old wounds have been ripped open again, they're in pain—pain that could've been avoided if Carol had just, if Carol had—!

"—Why can't you just behave!"

She regrets it as soon as she says it, of course she does. How could she not? But words can't be unspoken. She didn't mean to, but she did and now her guilt spirals into manifold self-recriminations and self-justifications: yes, she was harsh, but she has a point, doesn't she?

Carol stares at her for a moment.

Her heart stops in her chest, and she can't bring herself to call after Carol.

No. There are no justifications. She hurt Carol. The pain in Carol's eyes…. What kind of person, what kind of parent is she, to hurt her daughter like that? What kind of parent is she, to think of her daughter as a burden? How can she possibly be the parent Carol needs when she's such a failure?

Miku spares her a look—a tired, scolding-but-understanding look that burns Hibiki to the quick (what is left of her, whatever part of her that isn't already stewing in regret)—as she hastily follows Carol.

Hibiki stays behind. She's done enough damage. The aftermath is where Miku excels; Miku knows them best, Miku has the patience and endurance to help them put themselves back together when they come back from their grand adventures, because Miku has been left behind so many times.

It makes her even more sick. She stumbles, turns in the opposite direction of her wife and daughter; she ignores the couches in the room and sinks to floor when her legs give out.

There is nothing worse than watching others deal with her problems while she remains uselessagain!

First her mother, her father, then Miku, and finally her friends; she'd thought that maybe working in the Second Division would make up for all the trouble she caused and would put a stop to her being so useless. She'd tried so hard to not be a burden. Now she's hurt Carol because she failed at being the well-adjusted adult she's supposed to be. She couldn't even go on the rescue mission because Genjuurou said she was too caught up in her emotions to think clearly.

She thought he was exaggerating, but then she hurt Carol….

She buries her head in her arms, pulls her knees close to her chest. Somewhere else in HQ, Miku is comforting Carol. They should've been together. She should've been strong enough to save her daughter, to keep Carol safe from Hibiki herself, to protect her friends and her friends' daughter from someone who'd promised to be good.

If only she weren't so useless when it counted.

The door opens and closes, then familiar footsteps approach. She curls more tightly into herself. At least it's not Miku. Carol needs Miku.

"Are you going to give up, Hibiki?" He sits next to her, close enough to place his hand on her head like he used to do when she was a young, dumb teenager. The weight of his hand helps her squash down the sobs that want to clog her throat.

Because he's Genjuurou, because he knows, she mumbles, "I dunno what to do." A sob builds up again in her throat. Her ragged breathing fills her ears. She doesn't want to cry, but when Genjuurou pulls her into a one-armed hug, she can't keep her sobs from escaping.

"No one knows," he reminds her, squeezing her more tightly, and she takes a deep breath to listen. "What does that mean?"

The stagger in her lungs and throat subsides as she realizes: "I can fix this."


a/n:

Hmm... perhaps not the best articulated...

Anyway. I didn't expect to take so long between updates already, but life keeps blindsiding me. On the bright side, I have an outline! I know exactly how many chapters there will be (23) and the main topic of each chapter (except for a couple of Miku and Tsubasa chapters); the down side to that is, well, I wrote a good chunk of the last chapter before I managed to write this chapter, lol. Writing Finé is fun.

We'll see how it goes!