SIXTEEN

Her hands are getting gross with sweat. She shoves them under her legs.

An hour isn't much, but that's how long she has until they reach Elfnein's new home, and her knees are jittering enough that any amount of time to calm down is better than none. She knows that if she keeps thinking about how nervous she is she will only stoke her own anger, and getting angry only makes things worse, not better—Do you see, Elfnein? I've learned!—so she turns her mind to something less frustrating than staring out the window and thinking about how nervous she is.

Miku had taught her, just yesterday when she'd caught her panicking over what to bring, to take inventory of her stuff "as a coping mechanism." It has quickly proved to be useful and entertaining and calming, which is the most important thing right now.

In her uniform short's pockets, she has: a small coin purse in the left one and a tiny memo book and pen in the right one. In the breast pocket of her uniform shirt she has: a small acorn she'd liked the look of because it still has its cap (which looks like Elfnein's messy hair); and it's also an unlikely leftover from last fall. At her feet are her harp case—"Good thinking!" Hibiki had said—and her backpack. She had dithered so long over what to bring in her backpack, and if Miku hadn't stopped her, she would've still been throwing stuff in and throwing stuff out with no rhyme or reason. As it is, she reluctantly settled on bringing Tora, a sketchbook, a magnifying glass, and Papa's glasses, perfectly repaired and nestled in a special case.

Barebones, because she doesn't know what Elfnein will like. What does Elfnein like, these days? Actually—what does Carol know about Elfnein? They're strangers to each other now, aren't they?

No, that's not the whole truth. She needs to stop misrepresenting the facts. If she takes inventory here, she will find that she knows many things about her sister. For example, she knows Elfnein likes plush toys, which is the whole point of bringing Tora. Elfnein lives at the Kazanari estate, which—according to Phara and corroborated by the library archives—sprawls across many acres of forest and farmland while the manor complex has room enough for twenty-nine people to be in-residence; therefore, something interesting is bound to turn up for closer inspection under a magnifying glass. Elfnein keeps notebooks of lists, questions, small sketches (mentioned by Leiur and corroborated Carol herself), so the sketchbook of embarrassingly-badly drawn knickknacks might elicit a sense of camaraderie.

Details like Elfnein's favorite color, preferred juice, ideal toy, and so on and so forth are details that she can collect through simple observation. And here is another way Carol has changed! She used to not care, but now she knows Suyuf likes oatmeal cookies that aren't too sweet, Darahim doesn't like sweets at all, Micha will eat anything presented to her, and Garie loves to pair her sweets with something sour.

So. In summary: Carol doesn't know the minutiae of Elfnein's life, but she knows enough to have several conversation topics available.

Panic has no place in her thoughts. Breathe in, hold, breathe out, hold, breathe in.

Besides—Elfnein invited her.

[***]

"We're here, Carol."

Already?!

[***]

Elfnein's new home is more sprawling than the historical and archive photographs had managed to convey, and waiting for them in front of this impressive estate is the awkward Kazanari. Carol immediately makes aggressive eye contact with the adult who has taken on the role of Elfnein's guardian.

The awkward Kazanari seems to not know how to respond, until Miku nudges Carol into giving a grudgingly respectful bow; formality comes easily to Tsubasa Kazanari, which makes sense considering everything Carol has learned about the Kazanari family.

"Welcome to my home, Miss Carol Malus Dienheim."

"Pardon the intrusion," say Hibiki and Miku almost simultaneously, and Carol barely manages to echo them as she suddenly realizes that Elfnein waits for beyond the threshold of this large place. She focuses on switching out her shoes for indoor slippers so that she won't embarrass herself looking around desperately for her sister.

"Maria and Elfnein are getting the tea ready, and will join us soon." The awkward Kazanari ushers them to a living room, where her words seem to flee.

"Right," Hibiki mutters, probably barely restraining herself from nervous babble.

Miku, of course, is totally calm and comfortable in the silence, but she throws the other two a bone: "How is your business doing, Tsubasa? I hear you had a successful Valentine's Day …"

[***]

Finally, finally, Elfnein appears.

Elfnein tries briefly to hide behind Kazanari, the emotive one currently carrying a tray of teacups and assorted things for teatime, before she darts to sit next to the awkward Kazanari; Carol finds herself on the edge of her seat and vastly relieved that Elfnein is nervous, too. They make eye contact. They each look away, but they each keep the other in their peripheral. Carol finds her relief lightening further to anticipation.

The emotive Kazanari sets a teacup on a coaster in front of her. "Would you like any honey, sugar, or milk? Hibiscus tea is a little tart, you see." Maria Kazanari makes eye contact with her, expression warm and curiosity evident in her green eyes.

Does Elfnein call this woman "mom"?

"No, thank you." That surprises the emotive Kazanari. Elfnein probably adds sugar or honey to hers, then; plenty of people, back in Germany, used to have that same reaction whenever Elfnein and Carol demonstrated different tastes. They kept falling for the superficial similarities, when really Elfnein and Carol are like cycads and palm trees, like alpacas and llamas, like jelly and jam.

Opposite her, reluctantly detaching herself from the awkward Kazanari's side, Elfnein proves her right by adding a dollop of honey to her tea. So, small facts like preferring sweet things remain true. Elfnein has not changed into a total stranger.

Then, of course, Elfnein then perks up significantly once the emotive Kazanari finishes serving tea and sits next to her, sandwiching Elfnein between her two adults. Unfortunately, that's when Carol notices how silent most of the adults are, staring into their tea or to the walls in an obvious attempt to not stare at Elfnein and Carol's non-interactions. Only Miku acts normal, one hand darting out to prevent Hibiki from burning her tongue on still-piping-hot tea.

For all of Mrs. Emotive's confident attitude, she fidgets even more than Hibiki; if she were to speak, she would probably babble worse than Hibiki had when Suyuf and Darahim came over (to study). Mrs. Awkward sits noticeably straighter and stiffer, like Papa's military contacts would. Hibiki is on Miku's other side, so Carol can't see her without taking her gaze off the three in front of her.

Miku is solid and warm next to her.

They're here now, aren't they? Carol and Elfnein.

Here, right now, on purpose this time.

As if on cue, Miku says into the anxious silence, "Elfnein, Carol, I'm sure you don't want us adults loitering around. Why don't you run along, and we'll come find you when it's time to go, alright?"

Carol needs no more encouraging to leap to her feet and look at Elfnein expectantly. She readily abandons her untouched tea, but Elfnein clutches her cup in both hands as she looks to each Kazanari for reassurance or a rescue or something.

"Go on, darling," the awkward one says with a head pat, her previous uneasy presence suddenly transforming into a comforting one. The fidgety Kazanari also calms enough to give Elfnein a one-armed hug. They're ridiculous, but they definitely love Elfnein like parents should.

Prying her fingers from her cup, Elfnein slowly stands, her head bowed, and mumbles, "Excuse us, please," which reminds Carol to turn to Miku and Hibiki to excuse herself, too.

"Have fun, kiddo." Hibiki smiles, a bit apologetic for being such a wreck.

"Behave," Miku says. Her eyes are steady.

Carol can be steady, too. She resists dragging Elfnein down a random direction, which is a big demonstration of self-control when she can't wait to get away from the stressed adults!

"…This way," Elfnein whispers, head still ducking away.

She can be steady, she can, she can, she will.

[***]

They're taking so many turns so quickly and each hallway looks so alike that she's sure she won't be able to find her way back without Elfnein guiding her. That might be a problem if they have a fight, but that hasn't happened yet and therefore she doesn't need to waste energy on worrying.

First, she needs to apologize.

[***]

The courtyard garden is picturesque, but she hardly takes in the greenery before turning to face Elfnein. She clears her throat; Elfnein only takes a quick glance toward her, no longer hunching over but also obviously reluctant to engage.

Reluctant, but Elfnein's here, isn't she? Right here, right now. Carol straightens her spine, keeps her hands loose at her sides, and speaks carefully, slowly, in a cadence borrowed from Miku: "Elfnein. I am sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you behind. I'm sorry for not being a better sister. I'm sorry I didn't want to find you. I'm sorry I didn't say anything when I left. I'm sorry I didn't consider your feelings."

[***]

Surprisingly—surprisingly, Elfnein doesn't cry. Elfnein just sits on the veranda, legs crossed and hands limp in her lap, completely quiet.

Elfnein sits, and everything is quiet.

[***]

Miku would tell her to keep breathing, so that's what she does, but her hands are gross with anxious sweat again. She shoves them into her pockets, then decides to clutch her backpack straps instead. Hot embarrassment floods her; why did she think her curated collection of things would be welcome at all after such a pitiful apology?

In Elfnein's eyes, she's always going to be the bad child, the letdown, the bully.

"Did you know your homeroom teacher, Mr. Oreki, is your neighbor? He's married to the head of the Chitanda family, and they bought a lot of the Kazanari farmland a few years ago.

"You probably know more about that than me. But it's funny how small the world is, don't you think?" She bites her cheek to keep herself from mentioning their new shared aunt, Chris Yukine. Her pulse booms in her ears. She stares hard at the tree in the middle of the garden. She's not going to cry.

"And, and your friend, Darahim—Leiur Darahim—is related to the von Einzbern family that also lives near here. This area actually has a high concentration of German-descended families. We have a German language and culture club at school, did you know? I went once, and it was okay but I stopped going because Garie Tuman's a member. Have you met her? What an annoying person!" She has to stop, to breathe deeply so that she won't laugh and reveal how upset she is with Elfnein's silence.

"—She's better than Shinji, at least. He's a jerk whenever Tohsaka isn't around to mock him. Tohsaka is decent and definitely the smartest in our entire class, which is why we're not friends. Darahim is too quiet. I like Micha best, but she's a year younger than us.

"Going to a proper, city school is weird like that, isn't it? Seeing the same people every day for weeks and months. Structured curriculums are so much better than Papa made them sound. I just wish we moved faster in science class. Maybe next year I'll join a science club. I don't know. Sometimes I get frustrated, you know." Of course Elfnein knows! "But I should focus more on improving my Japanese."

Nothing she says makes Elfnein react. Why? Why can't they just skip to the part where they can be friends and nothing is awkward and nothing hurts anymore?

"Obviously, I'm good with speaking it, and I'm not too bad at reading and writing, but I know I can do better. I want to be better. I want Miku to be proud of me." She has to stop again. The lump in her throat is back. She hadn't meant to reveal that childish desire for Miku's approval.

"Isn't, isn't she proud of you already?"

Elfnein is staring at her hands, yet—she spoke!

"Mhm." She clears her throat. Blinks quickly. "Yeah, she is. But, she's the best. She's…."

Elfnein nods as if she understands. Elfnein probably holds either Tsubasa or Maria Kazanari, or both, in such high regard, too.

Her hands fall from her backpack.

She can breathe: inhale, hold, exhale, hold, inhale.

"W-We should go back," Elfnein says, standing and wiping away tears. Tears? "Maybe we can… next time, if you want… maybe we can have a picnic." Elfnein glances at her.

They're both smiling.


a/n:

Rejoice! I've finally updated! Now let us hope the next chapter comes soon, heh.

I hope everyone's doing fine during this pandemic.