Chapter Twenty-four – 'I heard a noise'
"Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall..." Lenny started.
"Actually, I don't think we have any beer left. Homer dropped it from the tree house." Carl said as he and Lenny started laughing.
Homer glanced in the rear view mirror at Lenny and Carl as he drove towards Burns Manor. "We may need to make a quick stop at the Kwik-E-Mart." Homer suggested as he thought of the fastest route there.
"We don't have time." Marge interrupted. "We need to get to Burns Manor to help get Lisa out of that game."
"We have plenty of time. Bart and his friends are going there on bicycles. We have a car." Homer said as he stopped at the next traffic light. "If I make a left here, then a right..."
"No Kwik-E-Mart!" Marge raised her voice. "We have to save our little girl."
"And Moe." Lenny added.
"Definitely Moe." Carl added. "Can we stop at Moe's Tavern instead?"
Marge scowled as she looked at Homer. "We don't have time to stop at Moe's Tavern either."
"I think Marge is serious." Homer stated the obvious. He thought for a second. "We should get to Burns Manor and figure out how to rescue Lisa."
"And Moe." Lenny added again.
"And everyone else." Carl added.
"Right! We need to save everyone from Burns." Homer triumphantly said as he realized something else important. "Does anyone know exactly where Burns Manor is?"
Marge rolled her eyes. "Pull the car over." She calmly said to Homer. "Just pull over and let me drive."
Homer pulled the car over and got out as Marge made her way to the driver's side. She jumped in the driver's seat and buckled up, as Homer slowly got in the passenger's side.
"Hurry up Homer." Marge raised her voice again. "Let's go! We have to rescue Lisa." Marge glanced over at Homer before stomping on the gas.
"You seem in a hurry Marge." Lenny said.
"We don't even know if it is possible to get into the manor." Carl added.
Marge pressed the accelerator even harder. "You all better believe me. I will find a way in." She continued as she sped through the town and toward Burns Manor.
The car raced through Springfield. Through green lights and a few red lights, before approaching Springfield Heights. "See Homer. There is a way to get straight here without stopping anywhere." Marge sarcastically said.
"I know." Homer dejectedly said. "We still don't know exactly what to do."
"All I know..." Lenny started. "Is we should listen to Bart's plan and find the hole in the fence."
"It's not a hole in the fence, but it's where the fence was taped back together." Carl finished.
"Well let's start there and see what we can find." Marge said as she parked the car on the street in front of Burns Manor.
They all got out and looked at the estate in front of the them. Homer began to walk to the left as the other started to the right.
"Homer?" Lenny asked. "Didn't Bart say east wall?"
"Homer?" Carl asked. "Why are you going that way?"
"I thought I saw something over here." Homer said as he continued to walk toward the front gate. "Maybe he left the front gate open.
"Why would Burns leave the front gate unlocked?" Marge asked Homer. "Especially since Smithers is inside the game."
Homer thought to himself then asked Marge a question. "If Smithers is in the game, do you think he has a new assistant?"
"I don't think anyone wants to help Burns." Lenny said.
"The town is upset at him because of the lottery drawing and the game." Carl added.
"No one liked him before the game anyways." Marge said as she started to turn the corner at the east wall. "We should get going before anyone sees us." She stopped and looked back toward the front gate. "Homer, the gate isn't going to open."
Homer tried the latch on the front gate anyways. It didn't open as expected. "It was worth a try." He said in the direction of the others. He started to walk further past the gate when he noticed something behind the shrubs. "I see something."
Lenny and Carl had started following behind Marge. "It's dark Homer. There isn't anything to see." Lenny yelled back.
"Hey, Marge." Homer called toward the others. "You were right."
"I know. I'm always right." Marge sarcastically said. "What was I right about this time?"
"We didn't have time to stop anywhere. The kids are already here. I found their bikes." Homer said as he pointed to several shiny objects behind the shrubs. He caught up with the rest of the group as they slowly walked along the fence looking for any sign of weakness. They walked along several sections and pushed on them seeing if any moved.
"Are the kids sure a section of fence is broken?" Lenny asked.
"Yes." Carl answered. "I found it. Someone did tape this section of fence together." He removed the tape from the top support as Marge removed the tape from the bottom support.
Lenny pulled the section of fence toward him as Carl and Marge squeezed through the opening. "Come on Homer, I'm not holding this fence open all night." Lenny joked as Homer approached.
Homer went through the fence and held it for Lenny to do the same. "Well we found the broken fence." Homer announced. "Does anyone remember what was next in the plan?"
Marge frowned as she stopped and turned around to face Homer. "Did you pay attention at all during the tree house meeting or were you too distracted?" Marge walked a few paces back toward Homer. "This is why I came along. I wanted to ensure that the plan was carried out correctly, and you all didn't end up at the Kwik-E-Mart or Moe's Tavern or..."
"The Krusty Burger." Lenny suggested.
"We can all go to the Krusty Burger after we rescue Lisa." Marge offered. "I will even pay for it. Let's go find the back entrance and get into the mansion."
"Let's go rescue Lisa." Homer said as he caught up with Marge.
They walked cautiously across the grounds and made it to the back corner of the mansion. "Wonder where the guard dogs are." Lenny thought out loud. "Burns doesn't have any protective measures in place being by himself."
"This should be easy then to just get into his mansion and up to the bedroom and find out what he knows." Carl added.
"I found the rock." Marge said as she picked it up and held it high enough so it could be seen in the darkness. "Inside there should be..." She struggled with the rock trying to open it. "Inside is... Oh, I can't get this thing open." She frowned again as Homer took it from her hand.
"Just turn and pull like this." Homer opened the rock and removed the key. "And this is why I came along, to do these small little tasks." Homer smiled as Lenny grabbed the rock and looked at it.
"All the security around his mansion and he keeps a spare key inside a rock." Lenny laughed and threw the rock back at the fence. "I thought the guard dogs would chase after the rock."
"There may not be anything that gets in our way." Homer joked as he fit the key into the doorknob and opened the door. "And in we go."
Homer led the way through the door and down the dark stairs. Marge, Lenny, and Carl followed him and stopped when they heard Homer shriek. "What was that?" Lenny asked. "It sounded like a girl scream, but the only person in front of me is..."
"Is Homer." Carl finished. "What could be so scary in old man Burns staircase to scream at."
"I found the light switch. Let there be light." Marge said as she flipped the light switch. The stairs were lit up with several lights and revealed the objects Homer screamed at.
"Stuffed animal heads." Homer said as he reached up to pet the first one. "So soft."
"Homer!" Marge yelled. "Don't touch that, it looks scary."
"It's fine Marge, it is just a bird." Homer answered. "It says it's a dodo. Dumb bird, I thought those were extinct."
"They are. The same with this saber-toothed tiger or that..." Lenny started and stopped mid sentence when he realized what the last stuffed animal head was.
"That last one is a T-rex." Carl finished. "How would Burns have a T-rex? I guess money can buy anything. Even if it is extinct."
Marge continued down the stairs and around the others. "Just walk around the extinct animals. Once we find Burns, we can ask him." She made it to the bottom of the stairs and opened the door to the next room. A room that caught everyone's attention.
Homer's jaw dropped and words escaped him at the grand sight awaiting them. "We should have made it here sooner."
Lenny also had no words to describe what he saw. "Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall."
Carl ran by them, and into the wine cellar. "I think there are more than ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, and kegs, and wine bottles, and look at those."
"It's an entire brewery down here." Marge said in awe. "I wonder what is in the giant barrels."
"I'll be the one to test what is in the barrels." Homer said with enthusiasm and walked towards the first one. "It's a barrel in a wine cellar. It must be good."
"And as old as Burns is..." Lenny thought. "This alcohol could be over a hundred years old. Very vintage."
"We can come back later Homer." Marge said as she walked toward the door on the other side of the room. "After we finish what we came here for, you can try the vintage barrel beer."
"Come on Homer. We can celebrate after we finish." Carl said as he left the wine cellar. "I think all of us will want to celebrate after we find out what Burns is doing."
"Fine." Homer disappointedly said. He flipped the tap on the front of the barrel anyways. Nothing came out. "It's empty. Not a single drop. Looks like we are going to Moe's Tavern later to celebrate." Homer left the wine cellar and joined the others in the next room up the stairs.
They had all walked up the stairs and found a room that none of them knew existed. "That cellar wasn't very big." Marge said in comparison. "I think our basement is bigger than that."
"But you don't have giant barrels of beer." Carl added as he walked toward a painting hanging on the wall. "I've seen this before. It looks famous." He said as he reached up and touched it.
"Burns doesn't have any beer either." Homer sadly said. "That barrel was empty. I might go in our basement more if we had those." He paused for a second and looked at another painting on an adjacent wall. "All we have is a giant stone head from Burns."
"You could turn that stone head into a beer barrel." Lenny suggested as he saw another painting that caught his eye. "How did Burns get these paintings?"
"Money." Marge plainly said. "He is the richest man in Springfield. Money buys him anything, including these paintings." Marge joined Carl at the first painting.
"I could paint that." Homer said. "It looks like my kids painted that. It's just a black castle with some circles in the sky." He stared at it longer. "I bet Lisa could paint this."
The others looked at Homer surprised. "I don't think any of us could paint this picture. It's famous, it says right here." Carl pointed to the placard below. "It says 'The Starry Night'. I thought this was hanging in... some famous museum. I can't remember which one."
"Lisa would know which one." Marge reminded them of the reason they were there. "Every second looking at this priceless painting is another second Lisa is still trapped inside that game. We can come back later to the art gallery and admire the paintings."
"Lisa can tell us all about them." Homer said in support. "She is my smart little girl."
They left the gallery and proceeded to the next room. "We must be in the art wing of Burns Manor." Lenny joked.
"Why do you say that?" Carl asked as he opened the door and held it for everyone to pass through. "This is my answer." He said as they walked into a very large room, complete with stage, seats and a balcony. "It looks like the Springfield Theater, but just a bit smaller."
"Maybe this is where the theater actors rehearse." Marge suggested as the voice of a lone actor could be heard from off stage. "Maybe he knows something."
Lenny rushed ahead. "If we get good seats, we can ask him." Lenny ran down to the front row and sat directly center in front the stage.
The actor walked on the stage. "Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace, Profaners of this neighbor-stained steel..." He started reciting before he was interrupted.
"We aren't rebellious subjects or enemies to peace." Marge calmly said to the actor, but he did not acknowledge her.
"Will they not hear? What, ho! You men, you beasts, that quench the fire of your pernicious rage..." The actor continued before being interrupted again.
Homer stood up and said in a louder voice than Marge. "I hear you and I am not a beast. I'll show you a pernicious rage." Homer said as he attempted to climb up on the stage, but did not make it.
"What are you doing?" The actor finally acknowledged their presence. "Can't you see I'm trying to rehearse. This is my ticket to be in a Broadway show."
"It looks like you are performing in Burns mansion to me." Carl replied. "I thought Springfield had a performing arts theater."
The actor thought then answered. "They do." He was suddenly saddened. "I tried out for their plays several times only to be passed over for all the parts." He paused then continued. "Long story short, Burns said I could practice here and he would help me get a part in a big play one day. I can still live my dream."
"How is that working out for you?" Lenny smiled as he asked.
"Not good." The actor said. "I feel like I'm stuck here and can't get anywhere. Every time I try to leave, I remember my dreams and I'm not giving up on those, so I stay and practice hours upon hours."
Marge found the stairs and ascended to the stage. "Just keep practicing, you will make it." She said as she consoled him. "Can you help us and we will let you get back to your acting."
"I can try." The actor regained his cheery spirit. "What shall ye like to know?"
"We are trying to find Burns. Have you seen him?" Carl asked plainly. "We need to have a word with that enemy of peace."
"Ah, very well. You were listening. I shall explain where to find that beast to quench your rage." The actor pointed to the exit located behind the curtain on the stage. "If you all come up here where monologues are given life. This is the main exit, I call exit stage right. Through the door and down the hall you should pace, keep walking and ye shall see the grand staircase." The actor bowed as they made their way up the stairs and behind the curtain to leave the theater.
"He seemed like a good guy." Lenny thought. "I bet he made those instructions rhyme on purpose."
"He did. That's how all those theater plays are." Carl added. "I've just seen them when the kids put on school plays. You should be familiar with them Homer."
"I just go because Marge makes me." Homer said as an elbow struck him in the gut. "I mean, I love seeing Lisa perform in those. She could be good like that guy was."
"Speaking of Lisa..." Marge started.
"We know... every second..." Homer said before stopping suddenly. "There is someone up there. I can hear them."
They all walked very slowly, one light step at a time so they would not be noticed. "I can't tell who is there." Marge whispered. "We should be quiet then. We need to sneak up there and surprise them. It could be Burns himself."
"Right, quietly we will sneak up there." Lenny whispered back to ensure everyone knew the plan.
"Quietly, one step at a time." Carl added to feel a part of the group.
"I can be quiet. I can be the quietest..." Homer said as he brushed against a table in the dark hallway.
"Homer! No!" Marge said in a louder whisper just as a vase fell off the table and crashed to the floor. "There goes the element of surprise."
"Hey, did you hear that? It came from down the hallway." A voice said as several sets of footsteps could be heard walking toward the broken vase.
"I think someone knows we are here." Homer tried to cover up his mistake.
"Yes Homer." Marge scolded him. "Someone knows we are here."
