Chapter Twenty-eight – 'Bless you all'
"Soon I may just leave the loud-speaker on for as much as I forget about it." Burns complained to himself. "Now where was I, Kent. There isn't much time to waste."
"Kent Brockman here with Montgomery Burns as the second turn inside his Monopoly game has concluded, and he paused the game to give us this exclusive interview. How is the game going? Who is winning? What has happened since the last..." Kent couldn't get the words out fast enough to keep up with his own thoughts, but Burns decided to slow down the conversation.
"Kent slow down, you are going to pass out from excitement. And speaking of excitement, nothing has happened yet." Burns calmly explained. "There will be plenty of excitement soon enough Kent, but first let us talk about less pressing matters."
Kent looked stunned as Burns had taken over the interview. It was Burns' game to run, but it was Kent's Interview to conduct. "First, can you start by giving everyone an update on the status of each player?"
"Certainly Kent. It would be my pleasure." Burns grinned his evil smile and it stretched from ear to ear. "It would be an honor to discuss how the seven players are handling my game. The more I keep thinking about it though, seven players is both a blessing and a curse."
"A curse?" Brockman interjected, but did not receive an answer right away.
"A blessing and a curse, just like I said, but that is for another time, maybe tomorrow at this rate. The game is being played quicker than anticipated with seven people. I only projected six to play, so the addition of Smithers has... accelerated my plans." Burns quickly thought of an answer to cover his tracks. "But I shouldn't say anymore as it will ruin the surprise..."
Kent looked shocked as the tone in Burns' voice did not sound friendly. "Surprises? Would that be a good surprise or a bad surprise? Would about the next surprise? What about the next card?"
"The next card. I almost forgot, and that would take away from some of the surprises." Burns stood up and removed the notebook from his jacket pocket. "I forgot what the second card is. Let me look." He flipped through a few pages and found his place. "This one certainly is a surprise, and it will make the game different from what everyone has played before."
"Different, how different?" Kent questioned.
"Very different. Almost as if this is a completely new game." Burns flashed his snide smile. "This may balance the game among the seven players, or it may give one player an advantage."
"So what is the latest addition to the game? You want to explain?" Kent asked, but knew it was going to be answered anyways.
Burns checked off something in his notebook and placed in back into his jacket. "Normally there are thirty-two random cards that can be picked for landing on a special space. Sixteen cards in each deck, but picking one of these cards has mediocre results for the game. Collect a few dollars, pay a few dollars, or move a few spaces. These always bored me, so I decided to add my own cards..."
Kent's eyes lit up as this seemed more exciting than anything already discussed. "What do the cards say? Has anyone picked one yet? Has Smithers picked one to take the advantage in the game? How is the game progressing? Who do you think is going to win?"
"You really like interrupting me when you ask me a question and the conversation digresses towards something else." Burns seemed upset that Kent had taken over the interview again. "Back to what I was saying. The game is progressing at a good pace. Each player has taken two turns and it is going as planned. Properties are being purchased and explored. I have only one concern at the moment."
Kent jumped in as soon as he saw his chance to make the interview more exciting for all the viewers watching at home. "One concern? Just one concern? Would you like to share with everyone that's watching and wondering what is happening, what is your one concern?"
"If you would allow me three seconds to explain, you might get the news story you desperately seek." Burns got slightly angry that the spotlight was being stolen from him. "Back to the game. The seven players are progressing faster than I had planned. So far only eleven properties have been purchased, so you can do the math and see that some players are not using or able to use the optimal strategy."
"Strategy... a word you mentioned last time as being very important. What are you looking for from everyone regarding strategy?" Kent asked as a smile reappeared on Burns.
"You know Kent, that is the first intelligent question you have asked me." Burns seemed to enjoy this moment. "Many years ago when I was learning this game, I studied how all of my opponents played, and which ones I could not defeat. I copied their play style and I combined it with my observations, and came up with my grand strategy." Burns paused for a moment. "I don't want to give away too much of my strategy, because I will be joining the game soon."
Kent look shocked as the interview seemed to flow, but sped down a new path. "Joining the game? I thought the game was planned for six players, but now seven players are making it progress too fast, but if you join there will be a total of eight players. Wait... if the game has already started, you shouldn't be able to join it. Don't you think that's a bit unfair."
"Unfair, Kent?" Burns looked disgusted at this remark. "I'm giving away a billion dollar nuclear power plant, and you are telling me by stepping into my own game is unfair? You do not even know the reason I am entering my own game. Like you said, the game has already started. I can't join the game to play, but I can join the game to... how do I want to put this... to play for myself, to join my team."
Kent looked more confused than shocked. "Play for yourself? So you are going to play one versus seven..."
"Not one versus seven, Kent. That would be unfair." Burns used Kent's words against him. "I can level the playing field. Remember this is my game, so don't think I will enter my own game at a disadvantage. When I feel it is time to enter my game, I will have some help. I will join my team, an army if you want to call it that. One versus seven isn't fair, but my army versus seven, doesn't seem fair either. But I remind you, it is my power plant and my game, and if I win..."
"If you win, what does that mean for everyone in your game?" Brockman once again interrupted. "This game sounds like it is much more than we realize... Bless you... and..."
Burns looked strange at Kent. "Bless you? From saying this game was unfair to saying..."
"I was being considerate. I thought I heard you sneeze." Kent explained. "You look like you didn't sneeze. If it wasn't you, then who was it..."
"I don't think we are alone in this conversation." Burns said as he scanned the room.
"We aren't alone in this interview. All the citizens of Springfield are watching." Kent reminded as he also scanned the room. "But I think you are correct, we aren't alone in this interview." He stood up and walked across the room to the door leading to the hallway. A quick opening of the entrance door revealed several sets of extra ears eavesdropping on the interview. "Bless you, whoever sneezed."
Milhouse stepped forward from the group. The others glared at him since he gave away their hiding place just outside the room. "Thank you." Milhouse shyly said to Kent and he looked around the hallway to see who all was listening.
"I knew he was going to mess this up. We should have left him at home." Nelson cruelly said to the others. "Why did you even come along anyways?"
"I have to the same reason as everyone else for coming. I have to save someone special in the game." Milhouse defended. "I thought we all came here as a team."
"He's right." Bart added. "We need to stick together as a team. We have our reasons for being here, but they all involve the same general answer."
"We are not here to save one specific person." Sherri let everyone know.
"We are here to save everyone." Terri finished.
Kent looked up at the adults, but didn't know what to say. "How many people are out here listening to my exclusive interview with Mr. Burns." He counted heads. "...Six, seven, eight, nine..."
"What is taking so long Kent? Get back in here." Burns demanded. "The cameras are still on, I'm starting to get tired and it is almost my bedtime. I need my beauty sleep."
"It's just a few people that broke into your mansion, found their way upstairs and have been listening to our entire conversation. Nothing much going on." Kent tried to make it sound like it was no big deal, but didn't fool anyone.
"You see Kent, we just..." Homer tried to end the awkward silence, but only made it worse.
"You see Kent, we all came here to see how the players of the game are doing, and to ensure their safety." Marge demanded.
Kent turned around to see Burns standing beside him. "What is going on out here? Who are you talking to...?" Burns got quiet when he saw everyone in the hallway. "I see you made it on to my property and through the mansion to find me up here, however you will never find your loved ones." Burns sarcastically smiled.
"Get out of the way old man. We don't have time for you." Nelson said meanly. "It wasn't hard to break in to your mansion. I'm surprised more people haven't broken in before."
"It's not like your mansion is completely secured. I remember when I lived here, hearing from Smithers all the areas that could be entered to get into the mansion." Bart stated as he reminded everyone about being Burns' heir. "I still think if we broke in here and found you during the interview, anyone else could be right behind us."
Burns thought for a second before welcoming them all into the room. "Please come in. This could be interesting." He stepped back and watched as all nine trespassers entered the room. "I don't have anywhere for everyone to sit, so looks like you all can stand for a few minutes until the interview is over."
"I think the interview is over." Lenny started.
"I agree. This interview is over." Carl repeated.
"The interview is over when I say it's over." Burns barked at everyone. "Now if you all will kindly just wait over in the corner and I can continue to speak with Kent on the status of the game. We will be done in a few minutes."
The kids looked at the adults, as Kent looked at Mr. Burns. Silence filled the room, as Burns knew his attention during the interview was now diverted to the others who joined him in his room. No one knew what to say as they all continued to stare at each other.
"Just take us to the game so we can rescue our little girl." Marge said with a determined look in her eye. Kent took a step back as he could see she was serious. "Now!" She exclaimed.
Even Homer knew that meant business. "I think you should listen to Marge..." He managed to utter before Burns and Kent took over the conversation again.
"Very well then." Burns scowled. "We shall continue this from my executive office where you can see the game being played." He checked if this pleased everyone, and it did for the moment. "Then follow me." Burns said as he walked towards a door on the far side of the room. "Everybody in..." He flipped a switch to illuminate the room and stepped inside.
"I'm not... so sure... about this..." Milhouse stuttered out, but everyone was already inside the small room behind the door. "I don't want... to be left behind... either..."
"There are times you have to trust your enemy, go along with the plan, and find a different time to attack." Burns advised as this surprised everyone. He didn't need to explain it, as it sent a shock-wave through the room. "Shall we proceed?" Burns closed the door and flipped another switch. The room started to descend as everyone braced themselves. "Enjoy the ride on my personal elevator..."
"I don't like this..." Milhouse complained as Nelson punched him in his side.
"When we get into the game, can I please not be stuck with Milhouse?" Nelson asked and everyone agreed.
The elevator stopped descending and move horizontally, then ascended a minute before stopping. "We are here." Burns said as he opened the door. "Here is my executive office from which I run the game. Now everyone, get out!" He motioned toward the exit and the nine guests, Kent, and lastly Mr. Burns were standing in the office.
"This isn't impressive. I've been here before. Too many times..." Homer nervously said as he took a step to his left. "There is a trap door in the floor he uses to get rid of people in his office."
Everyone looked at their feet to see if an outline of a trap door could be seen. "I have to push the button under my desk for the trap door. It's just over here. Which button was it?" Everyone collectively held their breath as Burns pushed a button to reveal a wall of security cameras.
"Is there really trap doors in the floor?" Kent questioned as Burns slightly nodded. "You know what I forgot? The camera up in your bedroom, I think I am going back to get it. Does this elevator...?"
"Just flip the switch and the elevator will do the rest." Burns instructed as Kent entered the elevator and by the sound of it, found the correct switch. "Now where were we? Kent is going to miss out on something, but that is his fault. Oh yes. The cameras." Burns directed their attention toward the wall of cameras. "Forty cameras to track the movement of anyone on any space. Forty spaces each with its own camera, because I need to see everything going on."
Milhouse quickly saw Luann van Houten on one of the screens, slowly followed by Marge spotting Lisa on another. Burns saw Smithers and frowned when he realized how far ahead he was. "I found her!" Milhouse yelled. "I see her, and she looks happy to be playing."
"I see Lisa too..." Marge started.
"I meant my mom..." Milhouse finished. "But I see Lisa too, we need to save them all."
"Could have fooled us." Sherri started.
"We thought this whole time you meant Lisa." Terri poked at Milhouse.
Milhouse turned red as everyone figured out the crush he had on Lisa, but knew his mom was important to him as well. "We should just save them all."
"If this is going to turn into a love story, I don't know whether to throw you into the game or out of my mansion." Burns tried to decide. "This is where I watch everyone playing, and if you all insist on entering the game. I shall watch you too."
"I want in too." Bart stepped forward and demanded. "This game needs to stop, or at least needs people to ensure it is fair."
"We are going in too." Lenny said to Carl, who looked unsure of this decision.
Burns sat down at his desk and pressed another button to reveal the secret room with the teleporters. "You see there is a slight problem." He directed their attention to the secret room. "There are nine of you and only seven teleporter pods. I can't send all of you into the game."
"It would be best if we did leave two people back here, to you know... keep an eye on Burns." Homer reasoned out. "To make sure... he doesn't mess with the game."
"You are just too scared to go inside the game." Nelson countered.
"I just don't think I'm smart enough to play this game." Homer frowned. "I don't want to take up a spot when others are smarter at games."
"Cheer up Homer. Carl and I will go in and save your little girl." Lenny reassured. "If there are seven players and seven of us, this should be a fair fight."
Marge looked at Lenny. "I don't think this will be a fair fight. I will also stay back here not because I don't want to go into the game, but to make sure Burns doesn't try to double-cross us. I'll sit right here next to the security cameras."
"If these are the seven you choose to send into the game, then enter the pods and I shall grant your wish." Burns smiled as they slowly walked toward the secret room. "Last chance to change your mind, because once you enter, you may not come back out."
"We will all come back out. I promise you that." Bart glared at Burns. "All seven of us with all seven of the players."
"How will you get back out? You see, this game was designed by me with many fail-safes installed to ensure that I am the eventually winner, but you are more than welcome to try to defeat me." Burns evilly laughed as he pressed the button to lock them all inside the room. "If I were you, I would quickly get into a teleporter and hold on." His smile grew the more he knew he was now in control. "To show how much of a fair guy I am, I'll tell you what I can do. I will send you all into the game, but it will be to random spaces." One more evil laugh filled the room as the lights dimmed down, a loud humming noise was heard, and after a bright flash of light, the capsules were empty. "Good luck. I will see you all soon..."
